Lord knows I ain’t try’na confess no sickness……..but my back and neck hurt. Its hard to tell if its sinus stuff or just plain ole body ache from serving God. I mean, I literally praised God last night in church until I had a black and blue knot on my knee when I got home. Don’t know if it was from kneeling on my knees in prayer or if it was after my pastor laid hands on me from behind that I fell under the anointing. All I know is that I hurt today. So much so that I couldn’t go to work.
Ok, so I had been thinking about something for the last few days and am now just beginning to write about it; you know…..release. Ok, so I think I finally figured something out about church folk. Call me slow, but I’m just able to get the revelation. It’s the difference between quantity and quality Christians. I think in the last few years we’ve identified the dividing line in Christianity between those who have religion and those who have relationship. Of course, relationship is what we really need. Back in the Bible days they called religious people Pharisees. But now that the church realizes we need relationship over religion we still have to dig a little deeper because there are those who measure their relationships in terms of quantity and those who really seek a quality relationship with the Lord. There are two types of Christians. And one of us is in trouble----as T.D. Jakes would say.
Ok, so I have this sister-in-Christ who I firmly believe loves the Lord, but I think there is a battle in her to be validated or recognized as a true Christian; a true example of a Christian. And I say this because…….well, the Bible says that we are judged by the fruits we bear. But instead of allowing the Lord to break her so that He can work fully in her---you know really showing the character of God and not a super Christian---she boasts about her interactions with God. Ok, I don’t know how to put it in words. Basically, she shines her light instead of letting her light shine. These type of people come off very cocky and arrogant, and not having the true nature of God upon their lives. And I firmly believe that the best witness we can have is by allowing God to work through us, not us working Him in us according to our selfishness. In other words, a lot of us can see straight through her.
For instance, she’ll say stuff like…….. “I have been praying before the Lord for eight hours straight.” Or, “I fast every Tuesday from 6:00 a.m.-6:00 p.m.” Or, my favorite……. “For the last month I have been praying from midnight to 3:00 a.m.” Nothing at all wrong with this because when you come to the point where you can sustain physically and Spiritually for that long in your pursuit with God, it can be a little boastful. I’ve been there. I remember when I did my first all-nighter; 24 hours to be exact. I was hyped. I even blogged about it. The flesh gives you some golden bragging rights. But then I felt stupid. Cause c’mon……this is your intimacy with God. I mean, to me its already a little weird sharing your personal time in a boastful way, but then to put a clock on it……well, I have my thoughts about this. That’s like me saying to whoever……… “me and my husband make love every Friday morning for two hours straight.” I don’t know what’s worse…….me boasting about it to everyone or me having a clock on it. It really makes one wonder………how much of a quality relationship do they have if its confined?
Soooo……….I’ve noticed that there are a lot of Christians who measure their relationships in terms of quantity. If its not how much time they spend with the Lord, its how long they stay in church on Sunday. Or how many days per week they are in church. And then the new thing……how much money they gave. And the church supports this. A few years back, somebody told me that their pastor posts the non-tithers in the church bulletin, and how much others give in offerings (very blank stare). I mean, why???????
You know what I’ve learned over the last few days…….that God is not bound by time or money. God is timeless and priceless!!! Meaning, I can pray for seven minutes (or however long cause I don’t time it) and get a prayer through before somebody who have been praying for seven hours. Not comparing, but my point is that God doesn’t have a clock sitting beside Him on the throne saying, “Jill you have to pray 30 more seconds before I hear you and grant your desire.” But I think that’s what we are getting caught up in.
Ok, let me give it to you straight. What matters in prayer and fasting is that you get a breakthrough!!! I mean, the discipline and all is nice, but the bottomline is……did God hear me. And you’ll know when you get it. I was in prayer today and like all of my prayer time it starts off a little routine with thanking Him and the normal….. “please bless my family, my home, my finances, etc.” But when I present the thing that is really on my heart like asking the Lord to forgive me for something I did or said over the weekend I pray hard, most times in tongues, until I get that breakthrough. Or I can just be in prayer worshiping God, not asking for nothing just thanking Him for His goodness. And I’ll get my breakthrough. And I know when I get it because I start crying and it is like I’m releasing everything over to Him and He’s taking it from me. And then I feel light. And at peace. And secure. And that may happen on a Friday night, Monday morning, at lunch time, or whenever. I’m not keeping tabs. And I’m surely not counting.
[The purpose is] that through the church the complicated, many-sided wisdom of God in all its infinite variety and innumerable aspects might now be made known to the angelic rulers and authorities (principalities and powers) in the heavenly sphere. This is in accordance with the terms of the eternal and timeless purpose which He has realized and carried into effect in [the person of] Christ Jesus our Lord, in Whom, because of our faith in Him, we dare to have the boldness (courage and confidence) of free access (an unreserved approach to God with freedom and without fear). --Ephesians 3:10-12
Monday, November 2, 2009
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
The Good Book
Have I mentioned that I’m a book junkie? I know I have in this blog. Books are like potato chips to me. I can’t (buy) just one. And I luuuuv going to the bookstore. I mean, I can go to the bookstore and buy four and five books at a time with no problem. And the Christian bookstore…….oh forget it! I am addicted to the Christian bookstore. I love the Potomac Adventist Bookstore in Silver Spring. I mean, absolutely love it. There’s always a book signing or treat sampling going on. I just love the environment of that store with such a HUGE variety of all types of Christian literature.
But this morning I got sorta a revelation. Ok, actually I got it a couple of nights ago. But this morning it hit me. Every morning I have my television tuned on Christian programming. And every morning it seems like there is a guest promoting his/her Christian book. Ain’t nothing wrong with that just as long as the motives are right. But what I find is that everybody wants to sell their interpretation of the Word of God.
So this morning, I received a revelation that said to me it is in each individual’s studying of the Word that the Lord will speak. One can read the same scripture 10 times, but it may be on that 11th time that the reader “hears” the Lord speak. The only book a Christian need to follow is the Word of God. The Word of God is life. It is amazing how it is written and orchestrated and arranged. The Word had to be inspired and Spiritually written by God because if you go deep you will find some astounding stuff.
For instance, I was watching Pastor Joseph Prince in the wee hours of the morning a few weeks ago. And he was teaching on grace. I had already known that the number 5 represents God’s grace. But he taught something that was so profound. At least it was my first time hearing it. What he said was that in many stories in the Bible when the story mentioned the character’s name the fifth time it was mentioned as God was showing His grace to that character.
So Naomi returned, and Ruth the Moabitess, her daughter-in-law, with her, who returned from the country of Moab. And they came to Bethlehem at the beginning of barley harvest. –Ruth 1:22
In the Book of Ruth, when Ruth’s name was mentioned the fifth time it was when the Lord had laid upon Naomi’s heart to allow Ruth to go back with her to her land. Grace. Joseph Prince had given other examples such as Job, but because the Book of Ruth is probably my favorite Old Testament book I clung on to it.
But that was a revelation the Lord gave to Joseph Prince. And although he shared it with the audience, and although some of us grasped it, it was indeed a revelation for him. But Prince shared it with us, not transferring it into another book and selling the revelation in which God gave him.
Soooo, my thought today is…….why do we feel the need to repackage and sell God’s Word????? Where did this come from? There are so many formats today in which Christians can get the Gospel out for free. There's is Facebook, My Space, and even blogging. But to write one's revelation of the Word, doll it up with a nice cover, and sell it makes me wonder now. I mean, I realize that the Bible can be a little difficult to grasp and understand, and that some people’s books help to interpret the Bible. But I firmly believe that that is the whole idea of getting into the Word......to gain understanding of whom God is and who He wants us to be. Its almost like dating. We don't know everything up front, and it may be intimidating. But when you are studying that person and trying to get to know that person, that is what builds a solid relationship. I mean, can I ever build a relationship with someone through somebody else's opinion of the person??????
I remember when I came across the scripture…… “For what shall it profit a man to gain this whole world, but lose his own soul (Mark 8:36)”, I started crying. That scripture spoke deep to me when I first read it, and it still does. But then to come across the story of the wealthy man in the New Testament who was the ONLY person to come into Jesus’ presence, but left worse than when he came. I was speechless. That revelatory knowledge changed my life! It changed how I viewed money. Sometimes I’d be reading the Word and be like………WHAT!!!!!
But I love books. And I’d be the first to admit that I love teachings from Christian scholars. I really do. Especially, John Bevere. But I have to get to the point where reading my Bible is the only book I read; cause its the only book I need (promise you I ain't trying to rhyme--lol). And I know that the Lord has soooo much more He wants to reveal to me. But through His Word, not through a third-party source.
“Consider carefully what you hear,” he continued. “With the measure you use, it will be measured to you—and even more.” –Mark 4:24
But this morning I got sorta a revelation. Ok, actually I got it a couple of nights ago. But this morning it hit me. Every morning I have my television tuned on Christian programming. And every morning it seems like there is a guest promoting his/her Christian book. Ain’t nothing wrong with that just as long as the motives are right. But what I find is that everybody wants to sell their interpretation of the Word of God.
So this morning, I received a revelation that said to me it is in each individual’s studying of the Word that the Lord will speak. One can read the same scripture 10 times, but it may be on that 11th time that the reader “hears” the Lord speak. The only book a Christian need to follow is the Word of God. The Word of God is life. It is amazing how it is written and orchestrated and arranged. The Word had to be inspired and Spiritually written by God because if you go deep you will find some astounding stuff.
For instance, I was watching Pastor Joseph Prince in the wee hours of the morning a few weeks ago. And he was teaching on grace. I had already known that the number 5 represents God’s grace. But he taught something that was so profound. At least it was my first time hearing it. What he said was that in many stories in the Bible when the story mentioned the character’s name the fifth time it was mentioned as God was showing His grace to that character.
So Naomi returned, and Ruth the Moabitess, her daughter-in-law, with her, who returned from the country of Moab. And they came to Bethlehem at the beginning of barley harvest. –Ruth 1:22
In the Book of Ruth, when Ruth’s name was mentioned the fifth time it was when the Lord had laid upon Naomi’s heart to allow Ruth to go back with her to her land. Grace. Joseph Prince had given other examples such as Job, but because the Book of Ruth is probably my favorite Old Testament book I clung on to it.
But that was a revelation the Lord gave to Joseph Prince. And although he shared it with the audience, and although some of us grasped it, it was indeed a revelation for him. But Prince shared it with us, not transferring it into another book and selling the revelation in which God gave him.
Soooo, my thought today is…….why do we feel the need to repackage and sell God’s Word????? Where did this come from? There are so many formats today in which Christians can get the Gospel out for free. There's is Facebook, My Space, and even blogging. But to write one's revelation of the Word, doll it up with a nice cover, and sell it makes me wonder now. I mean, I realize that the Bible can be a little difficult to grasp and understand, and that some people’s books help to interpret the Bible. But I firmly believe that that is the whole idea of getting into the Word......to gain understanding of whom God is and who He wants us to be. Its almost like dating. We don't know everything up front, and it may be intimidating. But when you are studying that person and trying to get to know that person, that is what builds a solid relationship. I mean, can I ever build a relationship with someone through somebody else's opinion of the person??????
I remember when I came across the scripture…… “For what shall it profit a man to gain this whole world, but lose his own soul (Mark 8:36)”, I started crying. That scripture spoke deep to me when I first read it, and it still does. But then to come across the story of the wealthy man in the New Testament who was the ONLY person to come into Jesus’ presence, but left worse than when he came. I was speechless. That revelatory knowledge changed my life! It changed how I viewed money. Sometimes I’d be reading the Word and be like………WHAT!!!!!
But I love books. And I’d be the first to admit that I love teachings from Christian scholars. I really do. Especially, John Bevere. But I have to get to the point where reading my Bible is the only book I read; cause its the only book I need (promise you I ain't trying to rhyme--lol). And I know that the Lord has soooo much more He wants to reveal to me. But through His Word, not through a third-party source.
“Consider carefully what you hear,” he continued. “With the measure you use, it will be measured to you—and even more.” –Mark 4:24
Friday, October 23, 2009
I Worship You
Happy Friday!!! I’m so glad the weekend is here. Not a lot planned, but the fact that I won’t be on a clock thrills me.
Anyway, so I was listening to Gospel radio this morning and heard the remix to the old 1980s hit, “Work it Out.” Back in the day we used to jam to that song, especially on the part that says………telephone’s disconnect; waiting for my next paycheck; baby need a pair of shoes; momma got a light bill too; WORK IT OUT. But on the remix---the millennium version (lol)---the same singer talks about the same woes although her baby is now all grown up. But I was listening to the remix, in which I hear on the radio all the time, and there’s one part that baffles me. It’s the part where she says she went out the country with her pastor and her choir, but when she got back home there was a foreclosure notice on her door.
Ok, the last thing I want to bang over somebody’s head is the unfortunate choices we’re forced to make in this recession. Being a Realtor, I’ve seen the crooked deals mortgage brokers do just to get people in homes. Thank God…….NONE of my clients has faced or is facing foreclosure. It’s a serious matter that is almost uncontrollable. And so perhaps this singer was a victim of a mortgage scam. Don't know.
But what baffles me is……..why in the heck are you out the country doing “God’s work” when you have home issues you need to take care of?????????????????????? I always wondered about that. Do you pay your mortgage/rent or do you use the money to do “God’s work”? I promise you that what’s on my mind is not about what we think God wants us to do with our money. I promise you--lol.
What is on my mind is…….doing God’s work.
My Associate Pastor said something a couple of weeks ago that is stuck in my head. Every other hour it seems like I’m questioning motives----mostly mine. What he said was that we, as Christians, have to be careful and cognizant of what and who we are worshipping in ministry. He said that there is such a fine line in worshipping God that if we’re not careful we can begin to worship the things of God without realizing it. I love how he gave the example of music ministries and how if we're not careful we can begin to worship the worship.
I was browsing the web and came across a church ministry that boasted they have the best praise and worship. Wow. So now we’re worshipping…….praise and worship. Wow. Then I was watching TBN the other day and heard the commentator comment on their competing station’s slogan of……. “the fastest growing faith-based station in the world.” The commentator made a valid point that it doesn’t even matter who’s growing the fastest. The question is……are we growing in God?????? I’d hate to think that the competitors are worshiping the Christian station in which God blessed them with, but you never know.
Over the last month or so, the Lord revealed to me how He wants me positioned to fulfill His purpose in me. I’m ecstatic and have been busy, busy, busy making plans and preparing budgets and talking to vendors and so forth. But I had to stop myself. I had to slow down and reassess. Because I felt like I was getting to the place where I was worshipping the plan of God and neglecting my worship time WITH God. I can be very rigid and focused. And so when I am tasked to do something I can barely see what’s outside of what I’m doing. That’s a problem. A major problem. But thank God for His Holy Spirit because this week I started to feel really distant from the Lord and I hate feeling like that. It was as if the Holy Spirit tugged at my arm and said........ummmm, you need to focus over here. So I had to pull back from my task.
I was watching the biography of the Newsboys, a Christian rock group from Europe, the other day. These guys are awesome!!! They make awesome music and have really touched the lives of their audiences. But they gave their testimony of how for years they were on tour over 300 nights a year and how they were in heavy demand. But things were happening individually in their lives. One’s marriage was falling apart, another got hooked on alcohol (can you believe that!!), and another was going through a depression. Because what they found out was that their passion for ministering through music could not fill the void. The lead singer expressed that he had come to the point where he had to stop performing because he was worshipping the ministry God had given him. He said they were so engrossed with “bringing others to Christ through their music” that they were neglecting intimacy with the God.
You know, when we think of idolatry I believe we think of worshipping buddah, or zen, or that lady figure (can’t think of her name). But idolatry is anything that comes before God. It can be as innocent as a loved one----spouses and children and friends. Or the things God have blessed us with like businesses and homes and cars and money. And surprisingly, it can be church and ministry. I see people all the time getting so wrapped in “their” ministry that they lose focus of the Creator. It’s a deep thing when we are worshipping the things of God and not realizing that God isn’t really getting the glory out of it. And I think when this happens we block the way in which God wants to move in our lives---for HIS purpose. And eventually we end up failing. Umph.
“If you ever forget the LORD your God and follow other gods and worship and bow down to them, I testify against you today that you will surely be destroyed.” –Deuteronomy 8:19
Anyway, so I was listening to Gospel radio this morning and heard the remix to the old 1980s hit, “Work it Out.” Back in the day we used to jam to that song, especially on the part that says………telephone’s disconnect; waiting for my next paycheck; baby need a pair of shoes; momma got a light bill too; WORK IT OUT. But on the remix---the millennium version (lol)---the same singer talks about the same woes although her baby is now all grown up. But I was listening to the remix, in which I hear on the radio all the time, and there’s one part that baffles me. It’s the part where she says she went out the country with her pastor and her choir, but when she got back home there was a foreclosure notice on her door.
Ok, the last thing I want to bang over somebody’s head is the unfortunate choices we’re forced to make in this recession. Being a Realtor, I’ve seen the crooked deals mortgage brokers do just to get people in homes. Thank God…….NONE of my clients has faced or is facing foreclosure. It’s a serious matter that is almost uncontrollable. And so perhaps this singer was a victim of a mortgage scam. Don't know.
But what baffles me is……..why in the heck are you out the country doing “God’s work” when you have home issues you need to take care of?????????????????????? I always wondered about that. Do you pay your mortgage/rent or do you use the money to do “God’s work”? I promise you that what’s on my mind is not about what we think God wants us to do with our money. I promise you--lol.
What is on my mind is…….doing God’s work.
My Associate Pastor said something a couple of weeks ago that is stuck in my head. Every other hour it seems like I’m questioning motives----mostly mine. What he said was that we, as Christians, have to be careful and cognizant of what and who we are worshipping in ministry. He said that there is such a fine line in worshipping God that if we’re not careful we can begin to worship the things of God without realizing it. I love how he gave the example of music ministries and how if we're not careful we can begin to worship the worship.
I was browsing the web and came across a church ministry that boasted they have the best praise and worship. Wow. So now we’re worshipping…….praise and worship. Wow. Then I was watching TBN the other day and heard the commentator comment on their competing station’s slogan of……. “the fastest growing faith-based station in the world.” The commentator made a valid point that it doesn’t even matter who’s growing the fastest. The question is……are we growing in God?????? I’d hate to think that the competitors are worshiping the Christian station in which God blessed them with, but you never know.
Over the last month or so, the Lord revealed to me how He wants me positioned to fulfill His purpose in me. I’m ecstatic and have been busy, busy, busy making plans and preparing budgets and talking to vendors and so forth. But I had to stop myself. I had to slow down and reassess. Because I felt like I was getting to the place where I was worshipping the plan of God and neglecting my worship time WITH God. I can be very rigid and focused. And so when I am tasked to do something I can barely see what’s outside of what I’m doing. That’s a problem. A major problem. But thank God for His Holy Spirit because this week I started to feel really distant from the Lord and I hate feeling like that. It was as if the Holy Spirit tugged at my arm and said........ummmm, you need to focus over here. So I had to pull back from my task.
I was watching the biography of the Newsboys, a Christian rock group from Europe, the other day. These guys are awesome!!! They make awesome music and have really touched the lives of their audiences. But they gave their testimony of how for years they were on tour over 300 nights a year and how they were in heavy demand. But things were happening individually in their lives. One’s marriage was falling apart, another got hooked on alcohol (can you believe that!!), and another was going through a depression. Because what they found out was that their passion for ministering through music could not fill the void. The lead singer expressed that he had come to the point where he had to stop performing because he was worshipping the ministry God had given him. He said they were so engrossed with “bringing others to Christ through their music” that they were neglecting intimacy with the God.
You know, when we think of idolatry I believe we think of worshipping buddah, or zen, or that lady figure (can’t think of her name). But idolatry is anything that comes before God. It can be as innocent as a loved one----spouses and children and friends. Or the things God have blessed us with like businesses and homes and cars and money. And surprisingly, it can be church and ministry. I see people all the time getting so wrapped in “their” ministry that they lose focus of the Creator. It’s a deep thing when we are worshipping the things of God and not realizing that God isn’t really getting the glory out of it. And I think when this happens we block the way in which God wants to move in our lives---for HIS purpose. And eventually we end up failing. Umph.
“If you ever forget the LORD your God and follow other gods and worship and bow down to them, I testify against you today that you will surely be destroyed.” –Deuteronomy 8:19
Monday, October 19, 2009
Nevertheless
You know you’ve grown in the Lord when you have a nevertheless experience. Wow, there’s so much I want to say in this entry, but in order to get it all out in the allotted time I have (its Monday morning and my to-do list is astounding) I have to choose what I say wisely. So please bear with me.
Over the last few months I’ve been having my nevertheless experience. I can now officially say that I know what it means to surrender my will to God’s will. But with that comes suffering. That is, for Christ. I think we, the church, have gotten it all twisted. I’ve said this time and time again in these entries that we have bought into the false teaching that being a Christian equals success. Like success is the ultimate goal of walking with Christ. You know what baffles me……there are many successful and happy non-believers. If that is so……what separates believers aim for success from non-believers. NOTHING. Because success is not the purpose of us being here on this earth. Success is only a mere benefit to walking with God. It plays a very small part in God’s purpose for our lives.
Just recently I realized that in order for me to be one with the Father, walk in His divine purpose, and have total fulfillment on earth, I have to submit my will to His will. Ok, ok…..yes I, and many others, have said it over and over that we submit ourselves to the will of God. And I’d liked to believe that. But it is a difference in saying it and really living and believing it. I’m just realizing how powerful submitting my will to God’s will is. It’s not an easy prayer to pray. In fact, it is very difficult. It is literally giving your life over to God’s control. How many church folk can say we really do that? I have come to the point where I don’t even pray for specific things in my life because if I am praying for God’s perfect will, but too praying for something that could be potentially against God’s will then one will cancel out. And because God will not go against our will then more than likely my will will win……and I’ll end up losing. You know how that goes.
I’m at the point where I don’t pray for things, that is….material things. Ok, I never really prayed for material things. That’s shallow praying to me. But I don’t pray for specifics like…… “Lord please bless me with money so that I can take the trip to Bermuda with my girlfriends because you know I need a vacation.” Nope; no longer pray that way. I’m understanding more and more that my life is not my life and that every step has to be ordered by the Lord. I seek His will in everything.
I was giving my sister an example of praying God’s will the other day. And was telling her how easy we can mess up God’s perfect will by praying something that seems real innocent or against His will. She’s going through some physical challenges in which require therapy. She hates being at the rehabilitation center; very understandable. But I told her that instead of praying that the Lord will release her from the rehabilitation center, just simply pray that “Lord have your perfect will in me.” As I went on to tell her that while in that center she could meet the doctor who could end up being her husband. Or she could come across a patient that needs her encouragement to live. Or anything. The Lord can use her to be a blessing to somebody or for somebody to be a blessing to her. And running up out of there could potentially allow her to miss a major piece of God’s plan.
Ok, can we talk about the will of God for a moment? Thanks. Ok, there are certain things we know from reading the word that is God’s will for our lives. Abundant life is one. Joy and peace are others. Healing is another. There’s really no need to pray for healing because His word tells us that we are healed. We just need to walk in it. So if we are sick we just need to continue to pray that God’s perfect will be done, and proceed according to the word. Period.
Marriage is another part of God’s will. I hear it time and time again….. “maybe God wants me to be single.” I firmly believe that if there is a desire to be married then God will bring it to pass. When marriage doesn’t come to someone who desires to be married, and I’m talking about a marriage that was ordained by God, then it is a great possibility that they can be walking out of the will of God. Ok, let me rephrase that. I’m not saying that single Christian women are out of the will of God and that’s why they are not married. No I’m not saying that at all. Waiting on God to deliver is a part of God’s will. Patience is a part of God’s will. With everything that is fearfully and wonderfully made, there is a process.
Which brings me to another point. When submitting to the will of God it will cost you something. Ok, ok……I know that Jesus paid the price. But He actually paid the price for our sins, not our suffering here on earth. To really walk in the fullness of God you will have to give up a great part of self. And its usually the part that we’ve built up and held onto for so long. Like my…….. “must be married by 40 to a perfect man” list. That was my plan and my will, but since making that list, I have surrendered and submitted my mind, body, and soul to the Lord. So God’s will doesn’t always bring a loddy doddy life.
It cracks me up how folk want the blessings and benefits of God, but they don’t want to do things God’s way. Things are fine when you’re standing up in front of a crowd delivering a deep message and folk are hollering back with encouragement, or writing in a blog about your Christian experience and getting great feedback. But let it come down to lonely nights where the Lord is saying “I’ve blocked that good man from you because you have submitted to my will and my will says that he’s not willing to submit to the plans I have for you.” Or, “my will is that you fast for 30 days even though it’s your birthday week and you want to celebrate with a nice big birthday cake with your loved ones.” Walking in God’s will is not always easy.
I luuuuv the part in the word that talks about Jesus having doubts about the cross. Everything was fine and dandy until he realized that He was really going to die. I can hear him say……. “ok, now hold-up God I love you and I believe that you can do anything even stop this death from happening. So is there any other way that this can be done?????” But just as He was saying that, he came back with a nevertheless…….. Reading and understanding this example of all examples is when I knew that there is nothing on this earth that I want so bad that I would forfeit God’s perfect plan for me.
Saying, Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done. –Luke 22:42
Over the last few months I’ve been having my nevertheless experience. I can now officially say that I know what it means to surrender my will to God’s will. But with that comes suffering. That is, for Christ. I think we, the church, have gotten it all twisted. I’ve said this time and time again in these entries that we have bought into the false teaching that being a Christian equals success. Like success is the ultimate goal of walking with Christ. You know what baffles me……there are many successful and happy non-believers. If that is so……what separates believers aim for success from non-believers. NOTHING. Because success is not the purpose of us being here on this earth. Success is only a mere benefit to walking with God. It plays a very small part in God’s purpose for our lives.
Just recently I realized that in order for me to be one with the Father, walk in His divine purpose, and have total fulfillment on earth, I have to submit my will to His will. Ok, ok…..yes I, and many others, have said it over and over that we submit ourselves to the will of God. And I’d liked to believe that. But it is a difference in saying it and really living and believing it. I’m just realizing how powerful submitting my will to God’s will is. It’s not an easy prayer to pray. In fact, it is very difficult. It is literally giving your life over to God’s control. How many church folk can say we really do that? I have come to the point where I don’t even pray for specific things in my life because if I am praying for God’s perfect will, but too praying for something that could be potentially against God’s will then one will cancel out. And because God will not go against our will then more than likely my will will win……and I’ll end up losing. You know how that goes.
I’m at the point where I don’t pray for things, that is….material things. Ok, I never really prayed for material things. That’s shallow praying to me. But I don’t pray for specifics like…… “Lord please bless me with money so that I can take the trip to Bermuda with my girlfriends because you know I need a vacation.” Nope; no longer pray that way. I’m understanding more and more that my life is not my life and that every step has to be ordered by the Lord. I seek His will in everything.
I was giving my sister an example of praying God’s will the other day. And was telling her how easy we can mess up God’s perfect will by praying something that seems real innocent or against His will. She’s going through some physical challenges in which require therapy. She hates being at the rehabilitation center; very understandable. But I told her that instead of praying that the Lord will release her from the rehabilitation center, just simply pray that “Lord have your perfect will in me.” As I went on to tell her that while in that center she could meet the doctor who could end up being her husband. Or she could come across a patient that needs her encouragement to live. Or anything. The Lord can use her to be a blessing to somebody or for somebody to be a blessing to her. And running up out of there could potentially allow her to miss a major piece of God’s plan.
Ok, can we talk about the will of God for a moment? Thanks. Ok, there are certain things we know from reading the word that is God’s will for our lives. Abundant life is one. Joy and peace are others. Healing is another. There’s really no need to pray for healing because His word tells us that we are healed. We just need to walk in it. So if we are sick we just need to continue to pray that God’s perfect will be done, and proceed according to the word. Period.
Marriage is another part of God’s will. I hear it time and time again….. “maybe God wants me to be single.” I firmly believe that if there is a desire to be married then God will bring it to pass. When marriage doesn’t come to someone who desires to be married, and I’m talking about a marriage that was ordained by God, then it is a great possibility that they can be walking out of the will of God. Ok, let me rephrase that. I’m not saying that single Christian women are out of the will of God and that’s why they are not married. No I’m not saying that at all. Waiting on God to deliver is a part of God’s will. Patience is a part of God’s will. With everything that is fearfully and wonderfully made, there is a process.
Which brings me to another point. When submitting to the will of God it will cost you something. Ok, ok……I know that Jesus paid the price. But He actually paid the price for our sins, not our suffering here on earth. To really walk in the fullness of God you will have to give up a great part of self. And its usually the part that we’ve built up and held onto for so long. Like my…….. “must be married by 40 to a perfect man” list. That was my plan and my will, but since making that list, I have surrendered and submitted my mind, body, and soul to the Lord. So God’s will doesn’t always bring a loddy doddy life.
It cracks me up how folk want the blessings and benefits of God, but they don’t want to do things God’s way. Things are fine when you’re standing up in front of a crowd delivering a deep message and folk are hollering back with encouragement, or writing in a blog about your Christian experience and getting great feedback. But let it come down to lonely nights where the Lord is saying “I’ve blocked that good man from you because you have submitted to my will and my will says that he’s not willing to submit to the plans I have for you.” Or, “my will is that you fast for 30 days even though it’s your birthday week and you want to celebrate with a nice big birthday cake with your loved ones.” Walking in God’s will is not always easy.
I luuuuv the part in the word that talks about Jesus having doubts about the cross. Everything was fine and dandy until he realized that He was really going to die. I can hear him say……. “ok, now hold-up God I love you and I believe that you can do anything even stop this death from happening. So is there any other way that this can be done?????” But just as He was saying that, he came back with a nevertheless…….. Reading and understanding this example of all examples is when I knew that there is nothing on this earth that I want so bad that I would forfeit God’s perfect plan for me.
Saying, Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done. –Luke 22:42
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Do Me a Favor.......
For the last few months I’ve been really learning the difference between the blessings of God and His favor. Both I think are mere benefits of following Christ and should not be the primary reason for being a Christian. But I gotta be honest…..when blessings and the favor of God happen it makes me feel like the trials and tribulations I go through are all worth it.
About a month ago, my pastor came up to me and told me that the favor of God was all over me. I knew this, but hearing it from him kinda solidified it. I’m blessed constantly. Just the fact that I have a good job, a nice home, the car I WANT, great family and friends, a wonderful church…….the list goes on, remind me of just how blessed I am. But His favor……oh, that’s another story. Can I just say that I have stumbled on some opportunities that are clearly the favor of God.
On Friday, another favor of God came to me. It was late afternoon, about 4pm-ish, and an email came in from Secretary Kathleen Sebelius’ office, the Secretary of the Department of Health and Human Services (HHS), that First Lady Michelle Obama would be speaking at HHS on Tuesday, which was yesterday.
Ok, let me remind you that Monday was a holiday for the Federal government. And usually when a holiday falls on a Monday, the Friday prior most folk are on leave. Fridays are already low-staffed because of the flexible schedule option we are allowed as Federal employees a lot of people either work half day or are already off on Fridays. But it was a holiday Friday, so the office was pretty empty.
Fridays are my best days to work because the office is empty and I can get a lot done---no interruptions. And usually, I work late on Fridays because I hate taking unfinished tasks into the next work week. So I say all of that to say that on last Friday at 4p-ish, I was sitting at my desk working when the email came in.
So I read the email and it stated that Michelle Obama would be speaking at HHS, however there would be limited space so if anyone wanted to attend the event we had to email by Sunday, our name and office. Ok, the email was so strategically planned. HHS has well over 60,000 employees around the country. But a great portion is in the metropolitan area. And so, for the Secretary’s office to send out the email on late Friday afternoon with a response by Sunday they realized that the responses would be narrowed.
When I saw the email I immediately put in my request and then I walked around to other colleagues who were in and asked if they’d read the email. There’s about 70 staff in my office and although a lot were out on Friday, the ones here did put in a request.
On my way to work on Tuesday, Monday was a holiday, I just felt in my Spirit that I had gotten selected to attend the event. I just felt it. It’s that same feeling I get when the Lord approves moves I need to make in my life. Just a peaceful confidence; a very sure feeling with no worry or concern behind it; like a green flashing late.
So I walked in my office and some were complaining that they weren’t here on Friday to put in the request and why it wasn’t on Thursday. Others who were here on Friday were complaining that they hadn’t gotten selected. I kept walking in confidence. I just waved and smiled. When I logged onto my computer the first thing I saw was the email. I opened it up and read the first line………. “I am pleased to inform you that you have been selected……” I was ecstatic! I was one of 250 that were selected to see Michelle Obama up-close.
Can I just say that I luuuuuv our First Lady? Thanks…….. I LUUUUUV MICHELLE OBAMA! She was everything I imagined and witnessed on television, but much more. She is so personable and I felt honored that she grabbed my hand, not an official shake but more of an “I’m in this with you” grab. She held my hand for extended seconds, long enough for me to have her perfumed lotion on my hand, and it was a very warm feeling from her. Let me just say that it was much deeper than a star struck moment for me.
A couple years ago, I was standing in the lobby of a building in downtown DC having a phone conversation with my mother. I randomly stepped in the building because as I was walking to the subway I couldn’t hear her speak. So I stepped in a building’s lobby to finish the conversation and out of nowhere Michael Jackson and one of his security people walked up on me. Michael was doing business in the building and as he was leaving he stopped to admire the mural that was on the wall behind the bench I was sitting on. When I lifted my head I nearly had a heart attack. It was so funny that even Michael Jackson cracked up laughing. Days later I stopped in to chat with the security guard and she told me that my facial expression was priceless. But I say this to say that that was a star-stricken moment for me. However, seeing Michael was no comparison to seeing Michelle.
This morning as I road into work on the train I got teary eyed. I was thinking about the grace and goodness of the Lord. Then I started thinking about all of the stories I heard and read about Michelle Obama saying how when Barack was a senator she was alone because most of his life was in DC, while she was left in Chicago to care for their children. I remember when they were on Oprah a few years ago and Michelle admitted that she felt like a single parent. And I remember Barack looking surprised and saying, “I never knew you felt that way.” Even though it was never mentioned, it was indeed implied that many times Michelle felt like giving up on her marriage.
In contrast, I thought about the many times I wanted to give up on my job. Many of my colleagues were advancing quickly and moving on to other agencies and programs, and at times I felt (feel) like I’m not growing at the level I need to be here. Many times I feel like calling in and not returning. Then there are times when I call in just because I’m sick of being sick and tired. But all in all, I continue on by the grace of God.
Over the last couple of weeks, my pastor has been talking about the process of gaining God’s reward. Of course, the story of the children of Israel suffering in the wilderness on the way to the Promised Land, is always mentioned. And my favorite, the story of Ruth and how she had to go through what she went through to gain her reward. I think my pastor is right, in fact I know he is, when he says that the church gets the purpose of God confused with the position God places us in to fulfill the purpose.
To clarify, in many instances, Christians will not even realize the purpose in which we play in God’s plan. And in many instances, Christians may not even live to see the purpose we play in God’s plan. Like in the story of Ruth where the purpose of what she went through was so that she would be the ancestor of Jesus, and that Jesus would sacrifice His life for us. Of course Ruth realized there was a purpose, but she didn’t go around saying…. “what’s my purpose, I need to find my purpose.” No, Ruth focused on being obedient to the Lord’s will. In that, she positioned herself for God’s purpose. As a result, because of her obedience, God blessed her with a husband who took care of her earthly needs.
So the question for today’s Christians should actually be…. “Lord how and where do you want to position me?” In Ruth’s case, the Lord positioned her in the field. She worked day and night in the field. For me it may be spreading the Gospel in the Federal government. For others it may be doing missions work in the rough parts of Africa, and for others it may be evangelizing at a mega-church. Fulfilling the purposes of God is not always a glamorous assignment. And I think that’s why it’s hard for the church to grasp what it is the Lord wants them to do.
Understanding this, I started thinking about when Michelle grabbed my hand. I started thinking about what would have happened if either she or I would have given up on our jobs and marriage. What would have happened if we would have died in the process; in the wilderness because it didn’t feel good at the time. She of course wouldn’t have been the most famous and admired woman in the world.
But I thought about what would have happened if I would have died in the process? I wouldn’t have been imparted hope, to inspire others to hope, from the most famous and admired woman in the world. I wonder if Michelle realizes the position in which she's taken to fulfill God’s purpose. Probably. But probably not; she’s quite busy these days. God’s favor makes me laugh.
“Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests.” --Luke 2:14
About a month ago, my pastor came up to me and told me that the favor of God was all over me. I knew this, but hearing it from him kinda solidified it. I’m blessed constantly. Just the fact that I have a good job, a nice home, the car I WANT, great family and friends, a wonderful church…….the list goes on, remind me of just how blessed I am. But His favor……oh, that’s another story. Can I just say that I have stumbled on some opportunities that are clearly the favor of God.
On Friday, another favor of God came to me. It was late afternoon, about 4pm-ish, and an email came in from Secretary Kathleen Sebelius’ office, the Secretary of the Department of Health and Human Services (HHS), that First Lady Michelle Obama would be speaking at HHS on Tuesday, which was yesterday.
Ok, let me remind you that Monday was a holiday for the Federal government. And usually when a holiday falls on a Monday, the Friday prior most folk are on leave. Fridays are already low-staffed because of the flexible schedule option we are allowed as Federal employees a lot of people either work half day or are already off on Fridays. But it was a holiday Friday, so the office was pretty empty.
Fridays are my best days to work because the office is empty and I can get a lot done---no interruptions. And usually, I work late on Fridays because I hate taking unfinished tasks into the next work week. So I say all of that to say that on last Friday at 4p-ish, I was sitting at my desk working when the email came in.
So I read the email and it stated that Michelle Obama would be speaking at HHS, however there would be limited space so if anyone wanted to attend the event we had to email by Sunday, our name and office. Ok, the email was so strategically planned. HHS has well over 60,000 employees around the country. But a great portion is in the metropolitan area. And so, for the Secretary’s office to send out the email on late Friday afternoon with a response by Sunday they realized that the responses would be narrowed.
When I saw the email I immediately put in my request and then I walked around to other colleagues who were in and asked if they’d read the email. There’s about 70 staff in my office and although a lot were out on Friday, the ones here did put in a request.
On my way to work on Tuesday, Monday was a holiday, I just felt in my Spirit that I had gotten selected to attend the event. I just felt it. It’s that same feeling I get when the Lord approves moves I need to make in my life. Just a peaceful confidence; a very sure feeling with no worry or concern behind it; like a green flashing late.
So I walked in my office and some were complaining that they weren’t here on Friday to put in the request and why it wasn’t on Thursday. Others who were here on Friday were complaining that they hadn’t gotten selected. I kept walking in confidence. I just waved and smiled. When I logged onto my computer the first thing I saw was the email. I opened it up and read the first line………. “I am pleased to inform you that you have been selected……” I was ecstatic! I was one of 250 that were selected to see Michelle Obama up-close.
Can I just say that I luuuuuv our First Lady? Thanks…….. I LUUUUUV MICHELLE OBAMA! She was everything I imagined and witnessed on television, but much more. She is so personable and I felt honored that she grabbed my hand, not an official shake but more of an “I’m in this with you” grab. She held my hand for extended seconds, long enough for me to have her perfumed lotion on my hand, and it was a very warm feeling from her. Let me just say that it was much deeper than a star struck moment for me.
A couple years ago, I was standing in the lobby of a building in downtown DC having a phone conversation with my mother. I randomly stepped in the building because as I was walking to the subway I couldn’t hear her speak. So I stepped in a building’s lobby to finish the conversation and out of nowhere Michael Jackson and one of his security people walked up on me. Michael was doing business in the building and as he was leaving he stopped to admire the mural that was on the wall behind the bench I was sitting on. When I lifted my head I nearly had a heart attack. It was so funny that even Michael Jackson cracked up laughing. Days later I stopped in to chat with the security guard and she told me that my facial expression was priceless. But I say this to say that that was a star-stricken moment for me. However, seeing Michael was no comparison to seeing Michelle.
This morning as I road into work on the train I got teary eyed. I was thinking about the grace and goodness of the Lord. Then I started thinking about all of the stories I heard and read about Michelle Obama saying how when Barack was a senator she was alone because most of his life was in DC, while she was left in Chicago to care for their children. I remember when they were on Oprah a few years ago and Michelle admitted that she felt like a single parent. And I remember Barack looking surprised and saying, “I never knew you felt that way.” Even though it was never mentioned, it was indeed implied that many times Michelle felt like giving up on her marriage.
In contrast, I thought about the many times I wanted to give up on my job. Many of my colleagues were advancing quickly and moving on to other agencies and programs, and at times I felt (feel) like I’m not growing at the level I need to be here. Many times I feel like calling in and not returning. Then there are times when I call in just because I’m sick of being sick and tired. But all in all, I continue on by the grace of God.
Over the last couple of weeks, my pastor has been talking about the process of gaining God’s reward. Of course, the story of the children of Israel suffering in the wilderness on the way to the Promised Land, is always mentioned. And my favorite, the story of Ruth and how she had to go through what she went through to gain her reward. I think my pastor is right, in fact I know he is, when he says that the church gets the purpose of God confused with the position God places us in to fulfill the purpose.
To clarify, in many instances, Christians will not even realize the purpose in which we play in God’s plan. And in many instances, Christians may not even live to see the purpose we play in God’s plan. Like in the story of Ruth where the purpose of what she went through was so that she would be the ancestor of Jesus, and that Jesus would sacrifice His life for us. Of course Ruth realized there was a purpose, but she didn’t go around saying…. “what’s my purpose, I need to find my purpose.” No, Ruth focused on being obedient to the Lord’s will. In that, she positioned herself for God’s purpose. As a result, because of her obedience, God blessed her with a husband who took care of her earthly needs.
So the question for today’s Christians should actually be…. “Lord how and where do you want to position me?” In Ruth’s case, the Lord positioned her in the field. She worked day and night in the field. For me it may be spreading the Gospel in the Federal government. For others it may be doing missions work in the rough parts of Africa, and for others it may be evangelizing at a mega-church. Fulfilling the purposes of God is not always a glamorous assignment. And I think that’s why it’s hard for the church to grasp what it is the Lord wants them to do.
Understanding this, I started thinking about when Michelle grabbed my hand. I started thinking about what would have happened if either she or I would have given up on our jobs and marriage. What would have happened if we would have died in the process; in the wilderness because it didn’t feel good at the time. She of course wouldn’t have been the most famous and admired woman in the world.
But I thought about what would have happened if I would have died in the process? I wouldn’t have been imparted hope, to inspire others to hope, from the most famous and admired woman in the world. I wonder if Michelle realizes the position in which she's taken to fulfill God’s purpose. Probably. But probably not; she’s quite busy these days. God’s favor makes me laugh.
“Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests.” --Luke 2:14
Monday, October 12, 2009
Fearlessnessity
Ok, ok…..I know that ain’t a word. But I created it. Cause its been on my mind the last couple of months. The meaning of “fearlessnessity” is one claiming to believe God, goes to church, but keeps living a life against His Word. That’s what I call fearlessnessity. I used to think that people call themselves Christians and just really don’t believe that Christ is who He said He is. Cause their actions and character don't show it. But I’m convinced now that many folk just don’t fear God!!! Point blank.
God is real!!!! And He’s real serious!!!
If folk really knew what was happening in the Spiritual realm they would act right. Seriously. Last night at church we had an experience. I mean, we always do. But last night was DEEP. Real deep.
The prophet from Africa is back and he’s come stronger than ever. I said dude must have been doing some deep praying and fasting while he was away because he’s calling out street addresses, names, colors of cars, and more. I thought I had heard enough when he told a dear church member that her husband was currently oversees on business cheating and he called out BOTH of the mistresses names. He told her to go right now and call her husband and tell him that he’s riding in a [certain color] car and that the car is about to be in an accident because satan has commissioned the driver to take his life. He told her to tell him to get out of the car right now, and get on the next flight home. My sister-in-Christ was crying and crying and crying. It was so sad. He did tell her that she would have a baby girl next year which was joyful news since she and her husband have been trying to have a baby for the last six years, and she had given up hope of being a mommy.
You know what……we always here about the goodness of God. And yes, He is indeed good. I’d be the first to holla on that one. But folk don’t realize that when they step out of God’s presence and His perfect will they are on their own. Period. I hear folk say all the time…. “what will be will be cause its all in God’s plan.” That’s absolutely not true. What is true is that God is all-knowing. He knows everything. And He sees everything. But He leaves the choices of our lives up to us. Therefore, God has a perfect plan, but the flesh has a plan in which satan drives that plan. There are two choices in life and so because God knows the consequences of both choices He suggests the answer. But any one of the plans is ours for the choosing.
This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live. --Deuteronomy 30:19
Another thing is that folk don’t realize that when we sin we are opening ourselves up to a world of demonic spirits. Yes, God does indeed forgive when we ask for forgiveness, but those spirits are still there. Me and my eldest sister were having a conversation about pre-marital sex and fornication. Can I just pause here and say that I am proud to be practicing celibacy!!! It’s been a loooooong time coming, and I’ve lost count---lol---but I thank God for walking upright and pure before Him at almost 40 years old. And it ain’t that I’m trying to be perfect its just that I fear God. If He tells me not to do it and I do it anyway, I will suffer the consequences.
I was looking at TBN the other day and I saw an ex-pro football player speaking on grace. It was absolutely wonderful to hear this black, young man talk about the things of God. It delighted my soul. But basically what he said was that we need to “FLIP THE COIN!!” Basically, folk, especially church goers, always give excuses about their sinning and how God forgives, and they’re not perfect, and they’re still human, and God knows their heart, and yada yada. And so dude was like….flip the coin to the other side because the same grace that causes folk to keep on sinning and believe that their sins are forgiven is the SAME grace that keeps us from sinning---its called self-control and its one of the nine fruits of the Spirit.
But me and my sister were having a conversation and we both agreed that when you really understand what’s happening in the spiritual realm and how satan gains access to individuals one would be CRAZY to lay with a man/woman that you are not married to. That’s why I thank God for my Pastor who gives it to us straight. Our leadership preaches that one of the main ways satan accesses us is through sex. Even down to conception and how our parents conceived us; the moods our mothers had when they were pregnant.
When a man ejaculates into a woman not only does he releases the legions of demons that he’s picked up in his lifetime, but also generational curses that he has no control over. When a man and a woman sleeps together and are not married they are out of the will of God and therefore do not have God’s covering. That’s why it is important to be covered by the Blood of Jesus!!! And that’s why deliverance is so important.
The other night, the prophet called out this dude, who had come to church alone. He told dude that the woman he was married to he wasn’t really married to because she had a demonic covenant with a spirit that was still in her. The prophet called out dude wife’s name. The prophet told everybody to get up and pray for dude because he was involved in a satanic marriage that needed God to intervene as soon as possible. He told the dude that the spirit in his wife was so deep and strong that it came from her mother’s side of the family and had been sexually intertwined with his wife and that his wife was well aware that she was married to this demonic spirit.
Last night, dude brought his wife to church. Beautiful girl. To look at the two of them you’d think they would be the perfect couple. The wife had never been to our church so she was sitting there very nervous and you could tell she was uncomfortable. When the prophet called her out and laid his hands on her the demons started fighting back. The girl was crying all over the altar. And the husband was just standing there very supportive, but confused.
There is a lot of stuff going on in this world. And its to the point where everything we do we have to know that we know that we know it is approved by God because if not, we could be playing Russian roulette with our lives. That’s why it is so important to pray that God’s perfect will be done, not for specific things. Because what thing may seems good, may not be the perfect will of God and can get us off His plan. And eventually, we will suffer the consequences for it.
The sad part about is that God will not go against our own selfish desires and will, so he will allow us to leave His presence and do our thing. So maybe it is that folk don’t really believe God. Maybe my original thought was right. I don’t know. I kinda think it is a combination of the two.
But from everlasting to everlasting the LORD’s love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children’s children-with those who keep his covenant and remember to obey his precepts. --Psalm 103:17-18
God is real!!!! And He’s real serious!!!
If folk really knew what was happening in the Spiritual realm they would act right. Seriously. Last night at church we had an experience. I mean, we always do. But last night was DEEP. Real deep.
The prophet from Africa is back and he’s come stronger than ever. I said dude must have been doing some deep praying and fasting while he was away because he’s calling out street addresses, names, colors of cars, and more. I thought I had heard enough when he told a dear church member that her husband was currently oversees on business cheating and he called out BOTH of the mistresses names. He told her to go right now and call her husband and tell him that he’s riding in a [certain color] car and that the car is about to be in an accident because satan has commissioned the driver to take his life. He told her to tell him to get out of the car right now, and get on the next flight home. My sister-in-Christ was crying and crying and crying. It was so sad. He did tell her that she would have a baby girl next year which was joyful news since she and her husband have been trying to have a baby for the last six years, and she had given up hope of being a mommy.
You know what……we always here about the goodness of God. And yes, He is indeed good. I’d be the first to holla on that one. But folk don’t realize that when they step out of God’s presence and His perfect will they are on their own. Period. I hear folk say all the time…. “what will be will be cause its all in God’s plan.” That’s absolutely not true. What is true is that God is all-knowing. He knows everything. And He sees everything. But He leaves the choices of our lives up to us. Therefore, God has a perfect plan, but the flesh has a plan in which satan drives that plan. There are two choices in life and so because God knows the consequences of both choices He suggests the answer. But any one of the plans is ours for the choosing.
This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live. --Deuteronomy 30:19
Another thing is that folk don’t realize that when we sin we are opening ourselves up to a world of demonic spirits. Yes, God does indeed forgive when we ask for forgiveness, but those spirits are still there. Me and my eldest sister were having a conversation about pre-marital sex and fornication. Can I just pause here and say that I am proud to be practicing celibacy!!! It’s been a loooooong time coming, and I’ve lost count---lol---but I thank God for walking upright and pure before Him at almost 40 years old. And it ain’t that I’m trying to be perfect its just that I fear God. If He tells me not to do it and I do it anyway, I will suffer the consequences.
I was looking at TBN the other day and I saw an ex-pro football player speaking on grace. It was absolutely wonderful to hear this black, young man talk about the things of God. It delighted my soul. But basically what he said was that we need to “FLIP THE COIN!!” Basically, folk, especially church goers, always give excuses about their sinning and how God forgives, and they’re not perfect, and they’re still human, and God knows their heart, and yada yada. And so dude was like….flip the coin to the other side because the same grace that causes folk to keep on sinning and believe that their sins are forgiven is the SAME grace that keeps us from sinning---its called self-control and its one of the nine fruits of the Spirit.
But me and my sister were having a conversation and we both agreed that when you really understand what’s happening in the spiritual realm and how satan gains access to individuals one would be CRAZY to lay with a man/woman that you are not married to. That’s why I thank God for my Pastor who gives it to us straight. Our leadership preaches that one of the main ways satan accesses us is through sex. Even down to conception and how our parents conceived us; the moods our mothers had when they were pregnant.
When a man ejaculates into a woman not only does he releases the legions of demons that he’s picked up in his lifetime, but also generational curses that he has no control over. When a man and a woman sleeps together and are not married they are out of the will of God and therefore do not have God’s covering. That’s why it is important to be covered by the Blood of Jesus!!! And that’s why deliverance is so important.
The other night, the prophet called out this dude, who had come to church alone. He told dude that the woman he was married to he wasn’t really married to because she had a demonic covenant with a spirit that was still in her. The prophet called out dude wife’s name. The prophet told everybody to get up and pray for dude because he was involved in a satanic marriage that needed God to intervene as soon as possible. He told the dude that the spirit in his wife was so deep and strong that it came from her mother’s side of the family and had been sexually intertwined with his wife and that his wife was well aware that she was married to this demonic spirit.
Last night, dude brought his wife to church. Beautiful girl. To look at the two of them you’d think they would be the perfect couple. The wife had never been to our church so she was sitting there very nervous and you could tell she was uncomfortable. When the prophet called her out and laid his hands on her the demons started fighting back. The girl was crying all over the altar. And the husband was just standing there very supportive, but confused.
There is a lot of stuff going on in this world. And its to the point where everything we do we have to know that we know that we know it is approved by God because if not, we could be playing Russian roulette with our lives. That’s why it is so important to pray that God’s perfect will be done, not for specific things. Because what thing may seems good, may not be the perfect will of God and can get us off His plan. And eventually, we will suffer the consequences for it.
The sad part about is that God will not go against our own selfish desires and will, so he will allow us to leave His presence and do our thing. So maybe it is that folk don’t really believe God. Maybe my original thought was right. I don’t know. I kinda think it is a combination of the two.
But from everlasting to everlasting the LORD’s love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children’s children-with those who keep his covenant and remember to obey his precepts. --Psalm 103:17-18
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Can You Hear Me Now?????
Had a good conversation with my girlfriend “E” this morning about communication. I’d like to think that because I have a passion for relating to people, that is…..written or verbal, I am a good communicator. Aside from holding a Bachelor’s degree in Public Relations and having much professional experience in relating to people on all levels, I truly have a personal passion for communicating.
In saying that, I have a very low tolerance for folk who lacks communication skills. Ok, I’m not talking about dotting I’s or crossing T’s or speaking proper English. Nope, I’m talking about just being an effective communicator---getting a point across without making irrational generalizations or making the other person feel awkward. That truly bothers me. I’m like….. “just say what you gotta say!!!” And then…… “allow me to say what I have to say!!!” I truly get irritated when things are swept under the rug.
Perhaps it’s the way I was raised. I’ve known “E” since the second grade. We have ALWAYS been upfront and confrontational with one another and to others. When I say confrontational I mean that if either of us is concerned or unsure about something…….oh we will make a phone call. We take time to voice our feelings to one another. And we take time to listen. It’s like…….. “hold up and stop what you’re doing cause I got something to say!” We may not know the outcome, cause to be honest we have had some bad outcomes (lol), but rest assured we’re NEVER left feeling like we didn’t speak our mind to each other. And so I need all of my relationships to be this way. I really do. I need to be able to express myself and I need the other to express them without feeling like our relationship is in jeopardy.
Sometimes I feel stifled in some of my friendships. Ok…….in one of them. I don’t know. I certainly can’t blame another for not being as upfront as I am. And I certainly can’t blame someone for being non-confrontational. But I need to hear you speak; especially if there is a problem with yours truly. I need to know so that we can fix the issue, bury the hatchet, and grow in the relationship. But if we don’t talk about it with each other one and/or two things will happen. Either it will be discussed with a third party, which more than likely breeds negativity. Or it will be put in the mental files for future ammunition. Both are such unhealthy ways to maintain relationships.
Just for the record…….I’ve tried to communicate with this loved one many times in the past. I’ve expressed myself in person, on the telephone, and through email but it doesn’t seem to work. Our friendship is fastly approaching the 10 year mark and it saddens me to feel like I can’t share all of me with her. Ok, wait a minute……I do try but I don’t always get the response I’m looking for so I hold back. What I will say is that what we share, which has been the foundation of our friendship, is always free and open to discuss. But there’s much, much more to me than that past experience. And I want to feel like I can express myself without prejudice. I’m not saying agree with me…….I’m just saying let’s be able to graduate our friendship to deep meaningful conversation. The surface thing is not cutting it. And I feel almost like the friendship is pretentious.
I know I have issues, and probably even in this friendship I’m referring to. But the biggest issue I see is……..lack of patience. Ok, I’m seriously venting today and I need to have time to, so please bear with me. But I feel like there is a lack of patience. I absolutely hate feeling like I’m on a clock when talking to a loved one. Ok, don’t get me wrong…...we don’t always have time to have long drawn out conversations so there are times when its just a quick…… “hey on my way to such and such, just checking on you.” But I like to know that I can not only talk to my loved ones about ANYTHING, but also at ANYTIME. I need to be free to be me. And free to express me. And I need you to be free as well.
Every time I think about conversations and communication I remember one of my other girlfriends was dealing with a personal situation that actually stemmed from a childhood incident and fested into her adult years. But I remember one morning she called me and whatever either one of us had planned was not as important as my girlfriend’s feelings. I remember she and I talked on the phone straight from 9:00a on that Saturday morning to about 8:30p that night. And we only got off the phone because she got a call in the middle of our conversation inviting her to a social function. She really needed to get out. So she clicked over and asked me to go with her. I was in the bed. Not planning to go anywhere. But I jumped up and we went out and had one of the best nights with old buddies. We resumed our conversation the next day.
I’m a communicator and I truly expect my relationships to be open to communicate. For the most part, they are. I mean, I’m never left feeling like I’m leaning on my own understanding. Only with that one friend. I always feel like I’ve got to read between the lines. It’s nerve racking. And so juvenile. Sometimes she’ll make these generalizations and even if they are not intended for me, I somehow get hit in the crossfire.
The other issue for her not being a communicator is the lack of family values. Just calling it how I see it. I come from strong family values. And so we express ourselves freely. If you are in my inner circle I need to hear from you. And I’m not putting you on a clock or calendar, but I need to have some type of regular contact with you; because my loved ones are a part of me. Most of my family is on Facebook so within the last year we have really been current in each others daily lives. But we still do the check-ins. Ok, one of my sisters will call 50 times a day just to say….. “what you doing?” I be like…….uh the same thing I was doing two minutes ago. And I’m sure I do the same thing to her and others. I too get the random phone calls…… “where are you?” I remember hearing that a friend of a friend was offended because this question was asked in the courtship process. I laughed; because for me and my loved ones it’s just standard communication.
I don’t know. It’s obviously bothering me. What exactly is bothering me…..I really can’t express it (lol). Ok, yes I can. It bothers me that a friend can’t be totally opened and honest. But it hurts me that they will not allow me time, space, and freedom to do so. It’s very hurting. And it is difficult for me to maintain friendships if the communication is off.
Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body.……. ---Ephesians 4:25
In saying that, I have a very low tolerance for folk who lacks communication skills. Ok, I’m not talking about dotting I’s or crossing T’s or speaking proper English. Nope, I’m talking about just being an effective communicator---getting a point across without making irrational generalizations or making the other person feel awkward. That truly bothers me. I’m like….. “just say what you gotta say!!!” And then…… “allow me to say what I have to say!!!” I truly get irritated when things are swept under the rug.
Perhaps it’s the way I was raised. I’ve known “E” since the second grade. We have ALWAYS been upfront and confrontational with one another and to others. When I say confrontational I mean that if either of us is concerned or unsure about something…….oh we will make a phone call. We take time to voice our feelings to one another. And we take time to listen. It’s like…….. “hold up and stop what you’re doing cause I got something to say!” We may not know the outcome, cause to be honest we have had some bad outcomes (lol), but rest assured we’re NEVER left feeling like we didn’t speak our mind to each other. And so I need all of my relationships to be this way. I really do. I need to be able to express myself and I need the other to express them without feeling like our relationship is in jeopardy.
Sometimes I feel stifled in some of my friendships. Ok…….in one of them. I don’t know. I certainly can’t blame another for not being as upfront as I am. And I certainly can’t blame someone for being non-confrontational. But I need to hear you speak; especially if there is a problem with yours truly. I need to know so that we can fix the issue, bury the hatchet, and grow in the relationship. But if we don’t talk about it with each other one and/or two things will happen. Either it will be discussed with a third party, which more than likely breeds negativity. Or it will be put in the mental files for future ammunition. Both are such unhealthy ways to maintain relationships.
Just for the record…….I’ve tried to communicate with this loved one many times in the past. I’ve expressed myself in person, on the telephone, and through email but it doesn’t seem to work. Our friendship is fastly approaching the 10 year mark and it saddens me to feel like I can’t share all of me with her. Ok, wait a minute……I do try but I don’t always get the response I’m looking for so I hold back. What I will say is that what we share, which has been the foundation of our friendship, is always free and open to discuss. But there’s much, much more to me than that past experience. And I want to feel like I can express myself without prejudice. I’m not saying agree with me…….I’m just saying let’s be able to graduate our friendship to deep meaningful conversation. The surface thing is not cutting it. And I feel almost like the friendship is pretentious.
I know I have issues, and probably even in this friendship I’m referring to. But the biggest issue I see is……..lack of patience. Ok, I’m seriously venting today and I need to have time to, so please bear with me. But I feel like there is a lack of patience. I absolutely hate feeling like I’m on a clock when talking to a loved one. Ok, don’t get me wrong…...we don’t always have time to have long drawn out conversations so there are times when its just a quick…… “hey on my way to such and such, just checking on you.” But I like to know that I can not only talk to my loved ones about ANYTHING, but also at ANYTIME. I need to be free to be me. And free to express me. And I need you to be free as well.
Every time I think about conversations and communication I remember one of my other girlfriends was dealing with a personal situation that actually stemmed from a childhood incident and fested into her adult years. But I remember one morning she called me and whatever either one of us had planned was not as important as my girlfriend’s feelings. I remember she and I talked on the phone straight from 9:00a on that Saturday morning to about 8:30p that night. And we only got off the phone because she got a call in the middle of our conversation inviting her to a social function. She really needed to get out. So she clicked over and asked me to go with her. I was in the bed. Not planning to go anywhere. But I jumped up and we went out and had one of the best nights with old buddies. We resumed our conversation the next day.
I’m a communicator and I truly expect my relationships to be open to communicate. For the most part, they are. I mean, I’m never left feeling like I’m leaning on my own understanding. Only with that one friend. I always feel like I’ve got to read between the lines. It’s nerve racking. And so juvenile. Sometimes she’ll make these generalizations and even if they are not intended for me, I somehow get hit in the crossfire.
The other issue for her not being a communicator is the lack of family values. Just calling it how I see it. I come from strong family values. And so we express ourselves freely. If you are in my inner circle I need to hear from you. And I’m not putting you on a clock or calendar, but I need to have some type of regular contact with you; because my loved ones are a part of me. Most of my family is on Facebook so within the last year we have really been current in each others daily lives. But we still do the check-ins. Ok, one of my sisters will call 50 times a day just to say….. “what you doing?” I be like…….uh the same thing I was doing two minutes ago. And I’m sure I do the same thing to her and others. I too get the random phone calls…… “where are you?” I remember hearing that a friend of a friend was offended because this question was asked in the courtship process. I laughed; because for me and my loved ones it’s just standard communication.
I don’t know. It’s obviously bothering me. What exactly is bothering me…..I really can’t express it (lol). Ok, yes I can. It bothers me that a friend can’t be totally opened and honest. But it hurts me that they will not allow me time, space, and freedom to do so. It’s very hurting. And it is difficult for me to maintain friendships if the communication is off.
Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body.……. ---Ephesians 4:25
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
A Step Out
Ok, so for the last 14 days I took some quality time for just me and God. I needed it. I cut out food, socializing, the internet, and all secular activity to devote time with my Savior. Lots of revelation and breakthrough. I needed it. I needed to hear from God. And He spoke loud and clear.
In just 14 short days, my life has changed. I literally feel myself at a higher level. Thanks for checking in daily only to find that I wasn’t here. But I’m back and I’m sure I will have lots to talk about in the next few days. Right now I just want to eat something really good, and sit in front of the television. God Bless!!!
In just 14 short days, my life has changed. I literally feel myself at a higher level. Thanks for checking in daily only to find that I wasn’t here. But I’m back and I’m sure I will have lots to talk about in the next few days. Right now I just want to eat something really good, and sit in front of the television. God Bless!!!
Friday, September 18, 2009
Workers in the Vineyard
Ok, so over the last few weeks/months I’ve been going back and forth with the purpose thing. You know…..trying to figure out the LORD’s perfect will for my life and not just what I want to do. As I’ve mentioned in several entries….I truly believe in my heart that what the Lord purposes is more than likely something that resides in my weakness.
So I was having a conversation with one of my girlfriends, she too very established as a professional in the Federal government, and she was just saying also how she knows the Lord has something greater for her to do. We spent some time over coffee the other morning just venting to one another. I told her that I am at the point where if the Lord wants me to dust the pews and clean the bathrooms at church then that’s what I will do. I just need to know that I am doing HIS perfect will and purpose.
Then we started talking about the spoken and written ministry thing. You know….where we get caught up believing that it takes a platform to spread the Gospel. She looked at me a little cross because she made the statement that she luuuvs going to impoverished countries and speaking to large congregations. She says she loves the feeling she gets preaching to a large unsaved crowd. And though I do identify with her feelings of validation I had to be frank and express that that may not be what the Lord wants her to do in ministry.
I thought back to a conversation I had with my pastor a few months ago. And how he told me that here in American, he’s from Africa, too many Christians operate out of their strength. For months I thought about that. I thought about all of the cockiness and greed that has come out of so-called ministries that has turned into celebrity arrogance. Is that really ministry? And so I thought about Jesus and how his strength was in carpentry. But the Bible never speaks about the tangible things Jesus built. But in his weakness is where He found strength in God. He showed weakness in bearing the cross and being led to lead the people to salvation. That was His ministry. That was His purpose.
Last week I was flipping through the channels and caught Juanita Bynum on DayStar. Ok, gotta tell you……I’m not a Juanita fan. I mean, I love the fact that the Lord has His hand on her, but I don’t care for the way she’s gone off track. I truly believe that there’s a thin line between faith and fame, and she has seem to consciously crossed it. All-in-all, she’s still my sister in Christ and even though I do not support her hustle I pray for her. But I caught her speaking on television and she said something that was so profound.
For many years, I thought it was just me. I thought I was the only one feeling like the church has missed the mark by building these mega buildings and moving their ministries out of urban areas and into the suburbs. Here in the Washington DC Metro area, most of our larger and popular churches have moved out of DC and into Maryland---some even into Northern Virginia. There is an influx of mega ministries in this area. Unfortunately, very few are bringing the authentic Word of God to the masses. Most are stuck on motivational messages.
But Juanita Bynum said something so profound. She said since she has been to Hollywood the unsaved think we are a joke. Cause we build these big mega churches and act like the building is the true kingdom of God, but we produce no fruit. As I listened I thought about how when I was growing up our life was revolved around the church. But when we had to step out of the church realm into places like school…there was no life in us. We were just the average person with nothing to say and nothing to offer. We were known as church girls. But it was more of a “our church life is a secret” than a “come on and join into the Body of Christ”. The same mentality goes on today, but on a broader scale.
I think it was last year I wrote an entry about a mega church in the Metro area that owns a whole community---shopping, residences, businesses, and of course the church is there. I’ve heard this message before from the mega church I belonged to that the members need to support the church community because “it’s building the kingdom”. Every time I hear that my eyes roll up in my head because the church really believes that the kingdom is built carnally here on earth. The funny thing about the mega church I’m referring to has named their community “Kingdom _________.” It’s hilarious. So basically, what Juanita Bynum was saying is how we have spent billions of dollars building buildings and we still have a dying unsaved world who has little respect for church folk. She said that it is our jobs as Christian to go out into the world and represent Christ. That’s how we build the Kingdom. God’s KINGDOM.
Last week, I caught the opening night of Tyler Perry’s “I Can Do Bad All By Myself” and I have to say that although it wasn’t his best directing, or best set, and probably won’t get a BET award so we ain’t even gonna talk about an Oscar, to me…………………..it was his absolute best!!!!!!!! I mean, anybody who dares to say Jesus as much as he did on the big screen must be working from a higher calling. Hollywood allowed us to put the “Passion of the Christ” out there a few years ago, but I’m soooo glad that folk like Tyler Perry is making it clear that we need to hear Jesus more. And I love the fact that although he has rubbed elbows with Oprah, a non-believer and Jesus basher, he’s not changing his message. I love it!!
So over the last few days I’ve been really praying and thinking about what the Lord wants me to do to build His kingdom and I’m confident that I got the answer. I think He wants me to represent Christ in the workplace. I mean, I know we are all ministers of reconciliation. But I believe the Lord has me positioned as a warrior for Christ in the workplace. Whether my job is here in the Federal government or in nonprofit or in the entertainment industry is not the issue for my steps are ordered by the Lord. Therefore, wherever He leads my steps along my career path, I am to stand for holiness in the workplace. For I am ministry.
This morning I had a conversation with a friend who is a comedian. Way back when I was doing public relations for the entertainment industry I had done some work for him, and so over the years he has always valued my professional opinion. So every few months he’ll reach out to me to say hello and get my advice on promoting his career. And so this morning I had a conversation with him---giving him some professional advice and normally I’d keep my professional life separate from my private life—that is my Spiritual life. Even on my job folk know that I’m a believer, but I don’t go around preaching or wearing “I’m a Christian” on my forehead. I have two girlfriends who are believers that I work with and so conversations about my Christian lifestyle are usually limited to them.
But this morning as I was talking to the comedian, I felt compelled to ask him about his prayer life and his spiritual beliefs. To my surprise he revealed a personal issue that has been going on that he’s been in constant prayer about. Our conversation took on a whole new direction and I almost held back---just trying not to make him feel uncomfortable. Or perhaps….make myself feel uncomfortable. But the conversation was deep in which we talked about spiritual warfare. After I hung up, I fully understood my ministry.
Later He appeared to the eleven as they sat at the table; and He rebuked their unbelief and hardness of heart, because they did not believe those who had seen Him after He had risen. And He said to them, “Go into all the world and preach the gospel to every creature. He who believes and is baptized will be saved; but he who does not believe will be condemned. And these signs will follow those who believe: In My name they will cast out demons; they will speak with new tongues; they will take up serpents; and if they drink anything deadly, it will by no means hurt them; they will lay hands on the sick, and they will recover.” --Mark 16:14-18
So I was having a conversation with one of my girlfriends, she too very established as a professional in the Federal government, and she was just saying also how she knows the Lord has something greater for her to do. We spent some time over coffee the other morning just venting to one another. I told her that I am at the point where if the Lord wants me to dust the pews and clean the bathrooms at church then that’s what I will do. I just need to know that I am doing HIS perfect will and purpose.
Then we started talking about the spoken and written ministry thing. You know….where we get caught up believing that it takes a platform to spread the Gospel. She looked at me a little cross because she made the statement that she luuuvs going to impoverished countries and speaking to large congregations. She says she loves the feeling she gets preaching to a large unsaved crowd. And though I do identify with her feelings of validation I had to be frank and express that that may not be what the Lord wants her to do in ministry.
I thought back to a conversation I had with my pastor a few months ago. And how he told me that here in American, he’s from Africa, too many Christians operate out of their strength. For months I thought about that. I thought about all of the cockiness and greed that has come out of so-called ministries that has turned into celebrity arrogance. Is that really ministry? And so I thought about Jesus and how his strength was in carpentry. But the Bible never speaks about the tangible things Jesus built. But in his weakness is where He found strength in God. He showed weakness in bearing the cross and being led to lead the people to salvation. That was His ministry. That was His purpose.
Last week I was flipping through the channels and caught Juanita Bynum on DayStar. Ok, gotta tell you……I’m not a Juanita fan. I mean, I love the fact that the Lord has His hand on her, but I don’t care for the way she’s gone off track. I truly believe that there’s a thin line between faith and fame, and she has seem to consciously crossed it. All-in-all, she’s still my sister in Christ and even though I do not support her hustle I pray for her. But I caught her speaking on television and she said something that was so profound.
For many years, I thought it was just me. I thought I was the only one feeling like the church has missed the mark by building these mega buildings and moving their ministries out of urban areas and into the suburbs. Here in the Washington DC Metro area, most of our larger and popular churches have moved out of DC and into Maryland---some even into Northern Virginia. There is an influx of mega ministries in this area. Unfortunately, very few are bringing the authentic Word of God to the masses. Most are stuck on motivational messages.
But Juanita Bynum said something so profound. She said since she has been to Hollywood the unsaved think we are a joke. Cause we build these big mega churches and act like the building is the true kingdom of God, but we produce no fruit. As I listened I thought about how when I was growing up our life was revolved around the church. But when we had to step out of the church realm into places like school…there was no life in us. We were just the average person with nothing to say and nothing to offer. We were known as church girls. But it was more of a “our church life is a secret” than a “come on and join into the Body of Christ”. The same mentality goes on today, but on a broader scale.
I think it was last year I wrote an entry about a mega church in the Metro area that owns a whole community---shopping, residences, businesses, and of course the church is there. I’ve heard this message before from the mega church I belonged to that the members need to support the church community because “it’s building the kingdom”. Every time I hear that my eyes roll up in my head because the church really believes that the kingdom is built carnally here on earth. The funny thing about the mega church I’m referring to has named their community “Kingdom _________.” It’s hilarious. So basically, what Juanita Bynum was saying is how we have spent billions of dollars building buildings and we still have a dying unsaved world who has little respect for church folk. She said that it is our jobs as Christian to go out into the world and represent Christ. That’s how we build the Kingdom. God’s KINGDOM.
Last week, I caught the opening night of Tyler Perry’s “I Can Do Bad All By Myself” and I have to say that although it wasn’t his best directing, or best set, and probably won’t get a BET award so we ain’t even gonna talk about an Oscar, to me…………………..it was his absolute best!!!!!!!! I mean, anybody who dares to say Jesus as much as he did on the big screen must be working from a higher calling. Hollywood allowed us to put the “Passion of the Christ” out there a few years ago, but I’m soooo glad that folk like Tyler Perry is making it clear that we need to hear Jesus more. And I love the fact that although he has rubbed elbows with Oprah, a non-believer and Jesus basher, he’s not changing his message. I love it!!
So over the last few days I’ve been really praying and thinking about what the Lord wants me to do to build His kingdom and I’m confident that I got the answer. I think He wants me to represent Christ in the workplace. I mean, I know we are all ministers of reconciliation. But I believe the Lord has me positioned as a warrior for Christ in the workplace. Whether my job is here in the Federal government or in nonprofit or in the entertainment industry is not the issue for my steps are ordered by the Lord. Therefore, wherever He leads my steps along my career path, I am to stand for holiness in the workplace. For I am ministry.
This morning I had a conversation with a friend who is a comedian. Way back when I was doing public relations for the entertainment industry I had done some work for him, and so over the years he has always valued my professional opinion. So every few months he’ll reach out to me to say hello and get my advice on promoting his career. And so this morning I had a conversation with him---giving him some professional advice and normally I’d keep my professional life separate from my private life—that is my Spiritual life. Even on my job folk know that I’m a believer, but I don’t go around preaching or wearing “I’m a Christian” on my forehead. I have two girlfriends who are believers that I work with and so conversations about my Christian lifestyle are usually limited to them.
But this morning as I was talking to the comedian, I felt compelled to ask him about his prayer life and his spiritual beliefs. To my surprise he revealed a personal issue that has been going on that he’s been in constant prayer about. Our conversation took on a whole new direction and I almost held back---just trying not to make him feel uncomfortable. Or perhaps….make myself feel uncomfortable. But the conversation was deep in which we talked about spiritual warfare. After I hung up, I fully understood my ministry.
Later He appeared to the eleven as they sat at the table; and He rebuked their unbelief and hardness of heart, because they did not believe those who had seen Him after He had risen. And He said to them, “Go into all the world and preach the gospel to every creature. He who believes and is baptized will be saved; but he who does not believe will be condemned. And these signs will follow those who believe: In My name they will cast out demons; they will speak with new tongues; they will take up serpents; and if they drink anything deadly, it will by no means hurt them; they will lay hands on the sick, and they will recover.” --Mark 16:14-18
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Do Not Block My Blessings!!!
I had a strange dream last night. Actually, it ain’t all that strange because it has been brought to the forefront in several of my pastor’s messages the last few months. So I’ll just say that the dream was bothersome.
I dreamt that I was trying to get to a certain city, which I will not mention, but the folk who I was traveling with kept procrastinating and coming up with excuses so we never made it there. The certain city in my dream in reality is only about two hours away. And in the dream I remember that we were trying to make arrangements to get there by Amtrak. We were trying to meet up with some friends who were to be at a concert at a church in that city. But I kept saying that if we took the train we would still have to find a way to the church. Nobody was listening to me. Finally, my oldest sister broke off several pieces of strings and handed it to each of us. Its obvious what the string represented, so what I did---in the dream---is decided to drive my car.
Ok, once I had decided to drive my car one of my younger sisters had asked to ride with me. She wanted to get to this city as well. In real life, I always get on this particular sister because she can’t make a move without at least one of her many girlfriends. Every family event she brings one or all of her girlfriends. Even to some of our most private and intimate family functions….she brings her girlfriends. Over the years I have spoken openly about this because she has fallen into a very dependent type of mindset. And at times I get pissed because my mother seems to encourage her dependency. Ok, don’t get me wrong…..I love her best girlfriend. And her boyfriend. But sometimes she allows her little ghetto girlfriends to tag along and at one point or another…..their ghetto character is exposed causing embarrassment to the family.
In the dream, I told my sister that I was going to wash my car and that I’d be right back to pick her up, and that she’d better be ready. In real life, she’s also my sister who is ALWAYS late—lol. So I got into my car---it was my old car in which in real life I gave to this particular sister---and I headed to the car wash. As I was driving I ran smack dab into a brick wall. In reality the car would have been totalled and obviously hindering me from getting to my destination. But I turned around and drove back toward the house. I had decided not to get my car washed because we were running late.
When I got back to the house, there was this HUGE leak almost like the size of a pool that was blocking me from getting to the house to get my sister. The water in the leak was muddy. I know from looking up the meaning of dreams that muddy water means negativity. But I was determined. So I climbed up on the side of the house trying to reach a rope that was hanging from the roof. I knew that if I could grab the rope I’d make it over the water. I made it. But when I got to my sister……..she had all of her girlfriends with her. At that point, I woke up. And we never made it to the city.
Ironically, in real life, back in the early nineties me and one of my girlfriends had met these two guys at a concert. The two guys sang with a very well-known group. The two guys were “celebrities” in their own right, one going on to becoming a Gospel solo artist, and so when they took interest in us we were ecstatic. When they would tour we would meet them in certain cities. But one particular time they’d decided that they wanted us to spend New Year’s with them and their family, so they invited us to their hometown. We were soooo excited.
I remember me and my girlfriend had purchased our plane tickets right after Thanksgiving. And up until we were to leave the anticipation had skyrocketed. The way it was planned, still being young students, she and I would share in the travel expenses making it affordable for the both of us. And even though we were young, we knew better not to allow these dudes to pay for anything giving them a false sense of control over us. And we were from DC. We had established this "I'm and independent woman" in which they loved--lol. And besides that, she and I were trying to live a godly life. I mean we were TRYING--lol. But we didn't want to make a negative statement.
The dude who I was “attached” to had become a dear friend to me. Over the course of a year, he and I had established a bond. When they were on tour in real far cities, I’d wait until he’d finish performing, which was usually around midnight, and we’d talk on the phone until the daylight. About ANY and EVERYTHING. He was my friend. And so I was really looking forward to spending some quality time with him on New Year’s. And was even more honored that he wanted to cross over into a new year with me. My girlfriend and her friend were moving a little fast. Dude wanted to marry her, but she was at a point in her life where she was trying to hear from God, but being interrupted with fleshly desires. She was falling for dude and they’d become real public with their relationship.
The day before we were leaving, I was in the hair salon getting done up for my friend and my girlfriend paged me (remember pagers????—I had a purple one--lolol…..oh goodness), but she paged me 9-1-1. When I called her back she told me that she had decided not to go on the trip. I was stunned. Over that month there was no inclination that she didn’t want to go. I knew that she was dealing with her own personal issues, but never thought that it would have a burden on a commitment that she made, not to dude, but to ME! For hours she and I went back and forth. I was stuck. My friend was adamant about me still coming. But it was no fun without my girlfriend. So I’d decided to cancel out as well. Canceling would have meant that we’d both lose hundreds of dollars. I was pissed. Not to mention that…….I really wanted to see my boo!!!
Later that night, in which our flight was to leave real early the next morning, my girlfriend called me and said that she had decided to go. I was sooo happy. When we arrived at the airport of their city, we got another issue. The guys had to be in a mandatory rehearsal so they had to send someone to pick us up from the airport and take us to the hotel. The person who picked us up was not pleased to be picking us up for whatever reason. On top of that, it was raining like cats and dogs. It was cold and wet, and my hair had flopped, and we were mad at their manager because we felt that he tried to sabotage our trip. It was ugly. But then…….
Later that afternoon, after me and my girlfriend settled in our hotel, my friend walked through the door and my world lit up. For the entire time that we were in town he did not leave my side. In fact, his group had a huge concert in their hometown while we were there and when I tell you we got the royal treatment……. They both made sure that me and my girlfriend were well-taken care of, and they made it known that we were with them. During our time alone, my friend and I spent some real quality time together. NO SEX AT ALL. Can’t say that we weren’t tempted and tried, but we were adamant about getting to know one another on a deeper level. Our conversations were very deep. He opened up and shared a lot about his career and personal life, and his love and thirst for God. He made me feel comfortable sharing myself. Up until him, and even after him, I wasn’t used to dealing with guys who LOVES God and shows it in his character. But he did. On top of that, the way he treated me in public was second to none. He did everything from carry me on his back over rain puddles to feeding me. He even taught me how to kiss. YESSSSS…..he taught me how to appreciate a kiss!!!
I remember the day we were leaving we had missed our flight. So me and my girlfriend had to arrange to take a flight that was a few hours later. The guys DID NOT want to see us leave and were glad that we’d missed our first flight. But then they had to take us to the airport to make the second flight. It was sooo cute. They kept stalling, making us push it close. They were making scene's in the airport like they were sad. It was like we were in a music video or making a commercial. I remember the four of us running through the airport, me with high-heeled boots on trying to run for my plane. This was waaay before 9/11 when loved ones could go to the gate. And I remember him holding my hand and carrying all my bags so that I wouldn’t fall.
After we returned home, he and I continued to talk for another couple of months. He adored me and I adored him. I didn’t like the long distance thing but I was willing to give it a try. But then he experienced a horrible tragedy that circulated quickly around the Gospel circuit. I remember when I heard the news. I was floored. I remember I was in a state of shock for days. I didn’t know what to say or how to say it. I just gave him his space to deal with his family. I wanted to hear his voice. I wanted him to call, but he didn’t. From the gossip mill, I heard it nearly destroyed him so I took that as a sign to leave him alone and just pray. Weeks later, I knew that he and I would never talk again. At that point, I knew that he had come into my life for a specific reason. It took a while to accept, but eventually I did. To this day…….there is a standard in which I require in a relationship as far as communication and how a man treats me. It was my friend who set that standard.
Over the last few months, my pastor has been speaking a lot about blocked blessings. I’d even received a prophecy, in which I wrote about in an entry, that my marriage was blocked. It is becoming so clearer now. Satan has literally set up forces to block God’s blessings in our lives. When I was in church a few weeks ago, there was a prophecy given to a woman that her husband’s practice---he’s a medical doctor---had been blocked by satan. The visiting prophet told her that satan had blocked patients from coming in and that the practice was experiencing financial loss. The lady confirmed it even going as far as to say that her husband is depressed because he can’t figure out why all of his patients have stopped coming to him. The visiting prophet sat in a chair and demonstrated how satan was sitting in front of the door of her husband’s practice. When he told me about the block on my marriage, I couldn’t help but to envision satan sitting in front of me.
You know what…….I hear it all the time about Charismatic and Pentecostal Christians trying to fight satan in the Spiritual realm and in a nutshell they say we’re wasting our time. But they can say what they want!!! There are demonic forces set up just for God's people. Satan ain't thinking about the unsaved. He got them. Its the ones with destiny and purpose that he wants. Some of us have demonic forces behind the scenes and because we’re not walking totally in the Spirit and binding the enemy we’re allowing our blessings to be blocked. I’d be the first to say that when I pray I ask the Lord to open doors and to close doors. But there are some closed doors that the Lord has NOT closed. And it takes some serious warfare to remove satan so that those door will open.
Ok, can I just be blunt today? Thanks. Satan is so cunning that he is using the folk closest to us to block God’s blessings in our lives. It could be as simple as a girlfriend not liking your boyfriend. That boyfriend could be the very man that God has ordained for you to marry. Or in my personal case, a girlfriend trying to block a trip that was to teach me a life lesson on men. Yes, yes…..I’d also be first to say that I need the support of my loved ones; especially when making important decisions, but ultimately…….the decision should be from God. And we have to renew our minds daily through supplication to hear from Him. If not, we could be allowing folk to block our destiny. Satan is cunning. He comes in all kinds of packaging. Blocks on God’s blessings are demonic forces that we have to allow the Lord to work on our behalf to destroy!!!! God does not go against our will. Yes, He is ALL powerful. And can do ANYTHING. But He gave us the power to choose.
And I am sick and tired of hearing folk, especially Christians, say that since they are Christians satan can't bother them. That is not so!!! Our minds are the devil's playground. If that weren't so the Lord wouldn't have to continuously tell us through His word to renew our minds daily. Ok, can I take this a step further.......there are some blocked doors that the Lord has allowed satan to keep blocked just because we have rejected His will!!! When we allow our mindset to be coerced into satan's territory we can do and say some things that can destroy our destiny. Not to mention another person's destiny. I've noticed that when I've detatched myself from certain folks over the years and committed myself to the Lord's will.......doors started opening for me. I was able to accomplish some things in my life that I couldn't as long as I was attached to [certain folk]. I'm telling you.........blocked blessings are a HUGE tactic that satan uses on us.
Before closing this entry, I have to REPENT. I repent if I knowingly, or unknowingly, stood as a block in the way of somebody else’s blessings. Lord I ask that you would remove any blockings in my way so that Your perfect will will be fulfilled in my life.
"Again, when a righteous man turns from his righteousness and does evil, and I put a stumbling block before him, he will die. Since you did not warn him, he will die for his sin. The righteous things he did will not be remembered, and I will hold you accountable for his blood. But if you do warn the righteous man not to sin and he does not sin, he will surely live because he took warning, and you will have saved yourself." --Ezekiel 3:20-21
……….Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother’s way. ---Romans 14:13
I dreamt that I was trying to get to a certain city, which I will not mention, but the folk who I was traveling with kept procrastinating and coming up with excuses so we never made it there. The certain city in my dream in reality is only about two hours away. And in the dream I remember that we were trying to make arrangements to get there by Amtrak. We were trying to meet up with some friends who were to be at a concert at a church in that city. But I kept saying that if we took the train we would still have to find a way to the church. Nobody was listening to me. Finally, my oldest sister broke off several pieces of strings and handed it to each of us. Its obvious what the string represented, so what I did---in the dream---is decided to drive my car.
Ok, once I had decided to drive my car one of my younger sisters had asked to ride with me. She wanted to get to this city as well. In real life, I always get on this particular sister because she can’t make a move without at least one of her many girlfriends. Every family event she brings one or all of her girlfriends. Even to some of our most private and intimate family functions….she brings her girlfriends. Over the years I have spoken openly about this because she has fallen into a very dependent type of mindset. And at times I get pissed because my mother seems to encourage her dependency. Ok, don’t get me wrong…..I love her best girlfriend. And her boyfriend. But sometimes she allows her little ghetto girlfriends to tag along and at one point or another…..their ghetto character is exposed causing embarrassment to the family.
In the dream, I told my sister that I was going to wash my car and that I’d be right back to pick her up, and that she’d better be ready. In real life, she’s also my sister who is ALWAYS late—lol. So I got into my car---it was my old car in which in real life I gave to this particular sister---and I headed to the car wash. As I was driving I ran smack dab into a brick wall. In reality the car would have been totalled and obviously hindering me from getting to my destination. But I turned around and drove back toward the house. I had decided not to get my car washed because we were running late.
When I got back to the house, there was this HUGE leak almost like the size of a pool that was blocking me from getting to the house to get my sister. The water in the leak was muddy. I know from looking up the meaning of dreams that muddy water means negativity. But I was determined. So I climbed up on the side of the house trying to reach a rope that was hanging from the roof. I knew that if I could grab the rope I’d make it over the water. I made it. But when I got to my sister……..she had all of her girlfriends with her. At that point, I woke up. And we never made it to the city.
Ironically, in real life, back in the early nineties me and one of my girlfriends had met these two guys at a concert. The two guys sang with a very well-known group. The two guys were “celebrities” in their own right, one going on to becoming a Gospel solo artist, and so when they took interest in us we were ecstatic. When they would tour we would meet them in certain cities. But one particular time they’d decided that they wanted us to spend New Year’s with them and their family, so they invited us to their hometown. We were soooo excited.
I remember me and my girlfriend had purchased our plane tickets right after Thanksgiving. And up until we were to leave the anticipation had skyrocketed. The way it was planned, still being young students, she and I would share in the travel expenses making it affordable for the both of us. And even though we were young, we knew better not to allow these dudes to pay for anything giving them a false sense of control over us. And we were from DC. We had established this "I'm and independent woman" in which they loved--lol. And besides that, she and I were trying to live a godly life. I mean we were TRYING--lol. But we didn't want to make a negative statement.
The dude who I was “attached” to had become a dear friend to me. Over the course of a year, he and I had established a bond. When they were on tour in real far cities, I’d wait until he’d finish performing, which was usually around midnight, and we’d talk on the phone until the daylight. About ANY and EVERYTHING. He was my friend. And so I was really looking forward to spending some quality time with him on New Year’s. And was even more honored that he wanted to cross over into a new year with me. My girlfriend and her friend were moving a little fast. Dude wanted to marry her, but she was at a point in her life where she was trying to hear from God, but being interrupted with fleshly desires. She was falling for dude and they’d become real public with their relationship.
The day before we were leaving, I was in the hair salon getting done up for my friend and my girlfriend paged me (remember pagers????—I had a purple one--lolol…..oh goodness), but she paged me 9-1-1. When I called her back she told me that she had decided not to go on the trip. I was stunned. Over that month there was no inclination that she didn’t want to go. I knew that she was dealing with her own personal issues, but never thought that it would have a burden on a commitment that she made, not to dude, but to ME! For hours she and I went back and forth. I was stuck. My friend was adamant about me still coming. But it was no fun without my girlfriend. So I’d decided to cancel out as well. Canceling would have meant that we’d both lose hundreds of dollars. I was pissed. Not to mention that…….I really wanted to see my boo!!!
Later that night, in which our flight was to leave real early the next morning, my girlfriend called me and said that she had decided to go. I was sooo happy. When we arrived at the airport of their city, we got another issue. The guys had to be in a mandatory rehearsal so they had to send someone to pick us up from the airport and take us to the hotel. The person who picked us up was not pleased to be picking us up for whatever reason. On top of that, it was raining like cats and dogs. It was cold and wet, and my hair had flopped, and we were mad at their manager because we felt that he tried to sabotage our trip. It was ugly. But then…….
Later that afternoon, after me and my girlfriend settled in our hotel, my friend walked through the door and my world lit up. For the entire time that we were in town he did not leave my side. In fact, his group had a huge concert in their hometown while we were there and when I tell you we got the royal treatment……. They both made sure that me and my girlfriend were well-taken care of, and they made it known that we were with them. During our time alone, my friend and I spent some real quality time together. NO SEX AT ALL. Can’t say that we weren’t tempted and tried, but we were adamant about getting to know one another on a deeper level. Our conversations were very deep. He opened up and shared a lot about his career and personal life, and his love and thirst for God. He made me feel comfortable sharing myself. Up until him, and even after him, I wasn’t used to dealing with guys who LOVES God and shows it in his character. But he did. On top of that, the way he treated me in public was second to none. He did everything from carry me on his back over rain puddles to feeding me. He even taught me how to kiss. YESSSSS…..he taught me how to appreciate a kiss!!!
I remember the day we were leaving we had missed our flight. So me and my girlfriend had to arrange to take a flight that was a few hours later. The guys DID NOT want to see us leave and were glad that we’d missed our first flight. But then they had to take us to the airport to make the second flight. It was sooo cute. They kept stalling, making us push it close. They were making scene's in the airport like they were sad. It was like we were in a music video or making a commercial. I remember the four of us running through the airport, me with high-heeled boots on trying to run for my plane. This was waaay before 9/11 when loved ones could go to the gate. And I remember him holding my hand and carrying all my bags so that I wouldn’t fall.
After we returned home, he and I continued to talk for another couple of months. He adored me and I adored him. I didn’t like the long distance thing but I was willing to give it a try. But then he experienced a horrible tragedy that circulated quickly around the Gospel circuit. I remember when I heard the news. I was floored. I remember I was in a state of shock for days. I didn’t know what to say or how to say it. I just gave him his space to deal with his family. I wanted to hear his voice. I wanted him to call, but he didn’t. From the gossip mill, I heard it nearly destroyed him so I took that as a sign to leave him alone and just pray. Weeks later, I knew that he and I would never talk again. At that point, I knew that he had come into my life for a specific reason. It took a while to accept, but eventually I did. To this day…….there is a standard in which I require in a relationship as far as communication and how a man treats me. It was my friend who set that standard.
Over the last few months, my pastor has been speaking a lot about blocked blessings. I’d even received a prophecy, in which I wrote about in an entry, that my marriage was blocked. It is becoming so clearer now. Satan has literally set up forces to block God’s blessings in our lives. When I was in church a few weeks ago, there was a prophecy given to a woman that her husband’s practice---he’s a medical doctor---had been blocked by satan. The visiting prophet told her that satan had blocked patients from coming in and that the practice was experiencing financial loss. The lady confirmed it even going as far as to say that her husband is depressed because he can’t figure out why all of his patients have stopped coming to him. The visiting prophet sat in a chair and demonstrated how satan was sitting in front of the door of her husband’s practice. When he told me about the block on my marriage, I couldn’t help but to envision satan sitting in front of me.
You know what…….I hear it all the time about Charismatic and Pentecostal Christians trying to fight satan in the Spiritual realm and in a nutshell they say we’re wasting our time. But they can say what they want!!! There are demonic forces set up just for God's people. Satan ain't thinking about the unsaved. He got them. Its the ones with destiny and purpose that he wants. Some of us have demonic forces behind the scenes and because we’re not walking totally in the Spirit and binding the enemy we’re allowing our blessings to be blocked. I’d be the first to say that when I pray I ask the Lord to open doors and to close doors. But there are some closed doors that the Lord has NOT closed. And it takes some serious warfare to remove satan so that those door will open.
Ok, can I just be blunt today? Thanks. Satan is so cunning that he is using the folk closest to us to block God’s blessings in our lives. It could be as simple as a girlfriend not liking your boyfriend. That boyfriend could be the very man that God has ordained for you to marry. Or in my personal case, a girlfriend trying to block a trip that was to teach me a life lesson on men. Yes, yes…..I’d also be first to say that I need the support of my loved ones; especially when making important decisions, but ultimately…….the decision should be from God. And we have to renew our minds daily through supplication to hear from Him. If not, we could be allowing folk to block our destiny. Satan is cunning. He comes in all kinds of packaging. Blocks on God’s blessings are demonic forces that we have to allow the Lord to work on our behalf to destroy!!!! God does not go against our will. Yes, He is ALL powerful. And can do ANYTHING. But He gave us the power to choose.
And I am sick and tired of hearing folk, especially Christians, say that since they are Christians satan can't bother them. That is not so!!! Our minds are the devil's playground. If that weren't so the Lord wouldn't have to continuously tell us through His word to renew our minds daily. Ok, can I take this a step further.......there are some blocked doors that the Lord has allowed satan to keep blocked just because we have rejected His will!!! When we allow our mindset to be coerced into satan's territory we can do and say some things that can destroy our destiny. Not to mention another person's destiny. I've noticed that when I've detatched myself from certain folks over the years and committed myself to the Lord's will.......doors started opening for me. I was able to accomplish some things in my life that I couldn't as long as I was attached to [certain folk]. I'm telling you.........blocked blessings are a HUGE tactic that satan uses on us.
Before closing this entry, I have to REPENT. I repent if I knowingly, or unknowingly, stood as a block in the way of somebody else’s blessings. Lord I ask that you would remove any blockings in my way so that Your perfect will will be fulfilled in my life.
"Again, when a righteous man turns from his righteousness and does evil, and I put a stumbling block before him, he will die. Since you did not warn him, he will die for his sin. The righteous things he did will not be remembered, and I will hold you accountable for his blood. But if you do warn the righteous man not to sin and he does not sin, he will surely live because he took warning, and you will have saved yourself." --Ezekiel 3:20-21
……….Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother’s way. ---Romans 14:13
Friday, September 11, 2009
Never Can Forget
I think everybody and their momma got a 9/11 story. Understandably so, because that day earth stood still. Man, where in the world do I began at in my story.
Ok, I remember waking up to a BEAUTIFUL morning. The sky was extra clear. And the day had a freshness to it. At the time, I was living about five minutes from my mother and so she’d asked me the night before if I could pick her up that morning cause she had an early meeting downtown. My norm then was to drive to the metro which was just a few minutes from my house. And so since I had to pick up my mother who was just three minutes out the way, I didn’t feel the need to adjust my schedule.
That morning, after picking up my mother we got to the metro and found that the parking garage was full. That was definitely out of the norm. Cause the garage was NEVER full. But it was a beautiful day and so normal drivers probably decided to enjoy the metro ride instead of driving in. I was pissed. And probably cussed and fussed since I was still in my backslidden state—lol. Soooo, I had to drive to work. All the way downtown. Which would’ve cost me $13 to park in my office’s garage.
Traffic on the way downtown was smooth. In fact, it was so smooth that I decided to pull over at a deli on the way and grab an onion bagel with veggie cream cheese. I’ll NEVER forget that bagel!! When we left the deli, I dropped my mother off at her meeting in the metro center area. I headed upper northwest to my office in Dupont Circle. When I got to my office, I turned on my computer and sat down to eat my bagel. Just when I was about to take a bite…..my phone rang. It was one of my girlfriends. She and I were chatting about nothing and then I heard my boss scream from his office…….. “A plane just crashed into the twin towers!!!” Everybody went running into his office.
Then the second plane hit!
And without much more thought, my boss---a very smart man---simply said….. “it’s an attack”. The office staff were at a standstill watching the news in the conference room. You could hear a pin drop. Then all of a sudden somebody shouted…… “we’re being hit too!!!” On the television we watched the twin towers in smoke and looked out the window and saw a building in smoke. From our window we couldn’t tell what was on fire, but knew that it was major. We first thought it was the White House. But then we got breaking news that it was indeed the Pentagon. The Director of the small nonprofit organization simply told us to go home.
Just as all of DC, I was frantic and didn’t know whether I was coming or going. My colleague, who lived in northern VA was terrified to ride the metro. In fact, I don’t remember what happened with metro. So I told my colleague to just come home with me. Cause I wasn’t crossing no bridge—lol. No one was thinking logically that day. I remember pulling my car out of the garage and it took me an hour to get to the corner. Gridlock, road block, J-walking, and all kinda motor vehicle laws were breaking. No one cared. Cause everybody understood. We just wanted to get home to our families. To safety.
If I had remembered my route home, I still couldn’t remember to remember it on 9/11. My mind was not focused on nothing but getting out of DC. And so I just drove in the direction of where all the cars were moving. I was clearly off my route to home, but I was moving out of DC and that was all that mattered. Then if not my mind, my heart screamed……. “my mother!!!” The way the traffic was moving took me further away from where my mother’s meeting was. All I could do was pray that somebody had had mercy on her and gave her a ride into Maryland. Cause cell phones did not work. And there was absolutely no way to get in touch with your loved ones even if you tried. It was horrific.
But God.
Let me tell you how awesome God is. I was driving and my colleague was sitting in the passenger seat. My mind was in a daze. Horns were bonking and folk were everywhere. Some running, but most walking swiftly to get out of dodge. And then my colleague says….. “that woman is just standing there like she’s waiting for a ride, but nobody’s coming to get her in all this mess.” I looked over…….and it was my mother!!!! When she saw me and got in my car she said she had walked and walked, and the Lord told her to just standstill and wait. And that’s what she did. It was purely an act of God.
By the time we got home it was mid afternoon. We were stuck in traffic trying to get into Maryland for hours. Just as we got into Maryland, my colleague was able to get a connection on her phone and called her mom. Her parents came to my house to get her. Cause I wasn’t crossing over no bridge---lol. Did I mention that? I made it clear then, and I’ll make it clear now.
I was soooo mentally and emotionally drained. Cause my family is split between DC and New York. Calls were flying back and forth, and we were trying to account for everybody. By the time we completed the family roll call it was evening. Everybody had stories and everybody wanted to know…….what next?
As I lay in bed watching the news, I was solemn. But then I saw a news flash that pissed me off!!! Normally, as in most states, when there’s inclement weather the news stations will flash school and office closings. And so they used this same format to keep us up-to-date on the latest closings. Understandable. This is an emergency. But then I saw SEVERAL mega churches in the area flash across the screen that they were canceling bible study and Tuesday night services. I couldn’t believe it. You mean to tell me the church’s doors aren’t open so that we could come together and pray for our country. I could NOT believe it. I think that’s when I started looking at the church a little differently.
The September 11, 2001 attacks were the worst public catastrophe in my lifetime. I wasn’t born on D-day, or the killings of MLK or JFK. And I kinda thought I’d escape that sorta tragedy in my lifetime. But I didn’t. I will never forget that day. I haven’t had a bagel and cream cheese since. That day my heart hurt for my country. And today, my heart and prayers continue to go out to all the victims of 9/11.
One thing I have desired of the LORD, that will I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the LORD, and to inquire in His temple. For in the time of trouble He shall hide me in His pavilion; in the secret place of His tabernacle He shall hide me; He shall set me high upon a rock. And now my head shall be lifted up above my enemies all around me; therefore I will offer sacrifices of joy in His tabernacle; I will sing, yes, I will sing praises to the LORD. --Psalm 27:4-6
Ok, I remember waking up to a BEAUTIFUL morning. The sky was extra clear. And the day had a freshness to it. At the time, I was living about five minutes from my mother and so she’d asked me the night before if I could pick her up that morning cause she had an early meeting downtown. My norm then was to drive to the metro which was just a few minutes from my house. And so since I had to pick up my mother who was just three minutes out the way, I didn’t feel the need to adjust my schedule.
That morning, after picking up my mother we got to the metro and found that the parking garage was full. That was definitely out of the norm. Cause the garage was NEVER full. But it was a beautiful day and so normal drivers probably decided to enjoy the metro ride instead of driving in. I was pissed. And probably cussed and fussed since I was still in my backslidden state—lol. Soooo, I had to drive to work. All the way downtown. Which would’ve cost me $13 to park in my office’s garage.
Traffic on the way downtown was smooth. In fact, it was so smooth that I decided to pull over at a deli on the way and grab an onion bagel with veggie cream cheese. I’ll NEVER forget that bagel!! When we left the deli, I dropped my mother off at her meeting in the metro center area. I headed upper northwest to my office in Dupont Circle. When I got to my office, I turned on my computer and sat down to eat my bagel. Just when I was about to take a bite…..my phone rang. It was one of my girlfriends. She and I were chatting about nothing and then I heard my boss scream from his office…….. “A plane just crashed into the twin towers!!!” Everybody went running into his office.
Then the second plane hit!
And without much more thought, my boss---a very smart man---simply said….. “it’s an attack”. The office staff were at a standstill watching the news in the conference room. You could hear a pin drop. Then all of a sudden somebody shouted…… “we’re being hit too!!!” On the television we watched the twin towers in smoke and looked out the window and saw a building in smoke. From our window we couldn’t tell what was on fire, but knew that it was major. We first thought it was the White House. But then we got breaking news that it was indeed the Pentagon. The Director of the small nonprofit organization simply told us to go home.
Just as all of DC, I was frantic and didn’t know whether I was coming or going. My colleague, who lived in northern VA was terrified to ride the metro. In fact, I don’t remember what happened with metro. So I told my colleague to just come home with me. Cause I wasn’t crossing no bridge—lol. No one was thinking logically that day. I remember pulling my car out of the garage and it took me an hour to get to the corner. Gridlock, road block, J-walking, and all kinda motor vehicle laws were breaking. No one cared. Cause everybody understood. We just wanted to get home to our families. To safety.
If I had remembered my route home, I still couldn’t remember to remember it on 9/11. My mind was not focused on nothing but getting out of DC. And so I just drove in the direction of where all the cars were moving. I was clearly off my route to home, but I was moving out of DC and that was all that mattered. Then if not my mind, my heart screamed……. “my mother!!!” The way the traffic was moving took me further away from where my mother’s meeting was. All I could do was pray that somebody had had mercy on her and gave her a ride into Maryland. Cause cell phones did not work. And there was absolutely no way to get in touch with your loved ones even if you tried. It was horrific.
But God.
Let me tell you how awesome God is. I was driving and my colleague was sitting in the passenger seat. My mind was in a daze. Horns were bonking and folk were everywhere. Some running, but most walking swiftly to get out of dodge. And then my colleague says….. “that woman is just standing there like she’s waiting for a ride, but nobody’s coming to get her in all this mess.” I looked over…….and it was my mother!!!! When she saw me and got in my car she said she had walked and walked, and the Lord told her to just standstill and wait. And that’s what she did. It was purely an act of God.
By the time we got home it was mid afternoon. We were stuck in traffic trying to get into Maryland for hours. Just as we got into Maryland, my colleague was able to get a connection on her phone and called her mom. Her parents came to my house to get her. Cause I wasn’t crossing over no bridge---lol. Did I mention that? I made it clear then, and I’ll make it clear now.
I was soooo mentally and emotionally drained. Cause my family is split between DC and New York. Calls were flying back and forth, and we were trying to account for everybody. By the time we completed the family roll call it was evening. Everybody had stories and everybody wanted to know…….what next?
As I lay in bed watching the news, I was solemn. But then I saw a news flash that pissed me off!!! Normally, as in most states, when there’s inclement weather the news stations will flash school and office closings. And so they used this same format to keep us up-to-date on the latest closings. Understandable. This is an emergency. But then I saw SEVERAL mega churches in the area flash across the screen that they were canceling bible study and Tuesday night services. I couldn’t believe it. You mean to tell me the church’s doors aren’t open so that we could come together and pray for our country. I could NOT believe it. I think that’s when I started looking at the church a little differently.
The September 11, 2001 attacks were the worst public catastrophe in my lifetime. I wasn’t born on D-day, or the killings of MLK or JFK. And I kinda thought I’d escape that sorta tragedy in my lifetime. But I didn’t. I will never forget that day. I haven’t had a bagel and cream cheese since. That day my heart hurt for my country. And today, my heart and prayers continue to go out to all the victims of 9/11.
One thing I have desired of the LORD, that will I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the LORD, and to inquire in His temple. For in the time of trouble He shall hide me in His pavilion; in the secret place of His tabernacle He shall hide me; He shall set me high upon a rock. And now my head shall be lifted up above my enemies all around me; therefore I will offer sacrifices of joy in His tabernacle; I will sing, yes, I will sing praises to the LORD. --Psalm 27:4-6
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Taking It All In
These last few days have been physically and mentally draining. Can I be real today? Cause I think I just need to lay some things on the table. So can I say what the heck I feel like saying today? Thanks. Ok, so my church has been in revival for the last two weeks. In the midst of the revival a whole lotta stuff has taken place with me---lots and lots of thoughts and decisions on my mind that resulted in some emotional outpourings. Last week, I literally felt myself go to a higher spiritual level and so you know how the saying goes……the higher the level, the higher the devil. And I tell you…..it felt like satan was waiting for me to get off at the next floor up cause dude greeted me with his little pitchfork just as I was about to step out.
With all of the emotional craziness I still managed to put in some QT with my inner circle and go to my church’s picnic which was super fun. Since it was a long weekend, in which is like gold for some of us working folk--lol, I didn’t want to be confined to the clock. I just wanted to spend my long weekend sporadically and impromptu. You know….going with the flow. Well, I think that pissed some folk off cause what they had “planned” for my weekend I cancelled at the last minute. Don’t usually operate in this manner, but I felt the need to just do me.
Yesterday I straight up played hooky from work. Just didn’t feel like going. On Monday, my “laborless” holiday, I took full advantage of and spent the day lounging around the house. I managed to cook a nice dinner, get some QT in over the phone, but that was it. When it was time for me to get up for work yesterday morning, I looked at the clock and said to myself……what’s the darn use. Is it just me or is anyone else feeling a little purposeless????
For the last nine months I have been spiritually fed tremendously and sitting like a stuff pig--lol. I asked the Lord to take me to another level, and He has answered my prayers triple fold. But just last week I started to feel like I needed to release. You know....spread some of what I've been taught. Like I was taking so much in that I felt the need to be pouring out. On a full-time basis. Don’t get me wrong……I love my job and love what I do….its just that it’s beginning to not be so fulfilling anymore. Do you understand me? It feels like I need to be doing more. And so sometimes getting up doing the routine norm gets to me. And yesterday……it got to me.
For about a straight four hours I sat back and thought about all the things I could be doing. Not to toot my own horn……but I’m good at doing a lot of things--lol. You know how we do....we can turn a hobby into a ministry real quick---lol. Over the years, I’ve been juggling several projects at once and this is the first time that I’m not so busy. In fact, I only turn on my computer at home to check my email. And so yesterday, I just sat back and thought about what I wanted to get into next. About three months ago, I was heavily involved in a personal project that stemmed from my professional work, that could be ministry very easily. The ground work was set in place and I had come across several interested people who were willing and excited to support the project, but one evening while I sat still to listen to the Lord after praying I heard the Lord say….. “Not now” to the project. For a long while I was questioning the voice of the Lord like perhaps I didn’t hear His voice, but something in my spirit wouldn’t allow me to move forward.
Yesterday, I thought long and hard about that project again and decided to proceed with it. I tried to justify what I thought I heard or didn’t hear the Lord say. And the more I tried to figure it out, the more I ignored what I KNOW I heard the Lord speak to me. The ignorance resulted into…….proceed. Cause my life felt/feels purposeless and I needed some activity to fill the void. In fact, I felt so purposeless that I decided to go to the gym and walk on a low speed while brainstorming the project’s to-do list. While walking at a steady 2.5 pace on the treadmill I mapped out everything. I picked up where I had left off back in May. And up until I went to bed last night I felt like a woman on a mission. I felt purposeful and empowered.
This morning when I woke up, the Lord met me at my morning thoughts. This is indeed when I hear the Lord speak clearest to me. And so as I lay there, before getting out the bed and even before praying, the Lord reminded me of a book I read last year called….. “Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World.” Immediately, I halted---mind, body, and spirit. Cause I knew what the Lord was saying. And so I repented. And as I repented the Lord started sharing some things with me.
You know what…..I firmly believe that one of the trickiest tactics that satan will try to place on us is “fulfilling purpose”. I hear some form of “purpose” at least five times a week. Cause those of us in the Body of Christ have been conditioned to know, accept, pursue, fulfill, or do…….purpose in order to please God. Many times---many, many times---purpose gets twisted. There is such a thin line between being obedient to God’s instruction and personal agenda in which we interpret as…..purpose. In addition to this, many of us have been tricked into believing that purpose rests and relies on a platform. Therefore, you will see many Christians writing books, becoming motivational speakers, and/or forming little cliques or “alliances” where the “chosen one who is fulfilling purpose” leads a bunch of vulnerable folk to…..only God knows where. You know what’s sad????? Seeing men and women of God supposedly fulfilling purpose while in the midst of a divorce---and I’m talking about pastors and first ladies. Or those who are “fulfilling purpose” and can’t even open their mouths to speak to their fellow brothers and sisters in Christ who are indeed supporting their "ministry".
So this morning, even though I didn’t want to be…..I was obedient and I sat still to listen to the voice of the Lord. The sad truth is that I heard this message before. I think it was last year. It was the same message that had me look at the fall of Eve. Where Eve was so eager to act upon personal agenda, which was a satanic command, that she forfeited Godly instruction of obedience at the expense of mankind. An act that was laced with innocence, but to increase self. This act is so prevalent amongst Christians. As I’ve said many, many times in entries……I come across so many “Christian ministry” websites of those who claim to promote Jesus, but in reality they are promoting self, that I get turned off. A couple of months ago I was recommended a site by a sister at my church of a pastor’s wife who developed a clothing line called “Jesus Girl”. At first I thought it was kinda cute, but when I got on the site and saw the tight-fitting tees that boasted the brand I didn’t see Jesus no where in it. In fact, the message was quite clear that Jesus wasn’t being uplifting…..Jesus “girl” was.
Over the years, I’m sure you too have heard the common saying that I don’t want to get to heaven and find out that I didn’t use my gifts and talents to fulfill purpose for the Kingdom of God. As I sat back and listened this morning I was getting ready to make my spiel before the Lord about “my purpose” and the Holy Spirit softly answered…… “no, you don’t want to get to heaven and I say what you have spent fruitless time doing was not at all purposed by Me.” And without taking up too much more time, the Lord reminded me that all of His children are ministers of reconciliation. That we all are purposed to love and spread the good news. That is the great commission in which we have been purposed to do. And He reminded me that each time I get up to go to work, vibrant, and full of life given of myself unselfishly and extending a hand to my fellow colleague……that’s fulfilling purpose. All other stuff is plain old…….self-seeking, busyness.
So of course you know me…..I couldn’t let it rest. I wanted to know……Lord, is this it for me---just being fulfilled and fulfilling purpose by what I do on my day job and whatever my pastor appoints me to do at church? And the Lord answered yet again…… “just keep walking by faith for when My door opens you’ll know. As always learn of ME and proceed in obedience.” This morning I walked through my office doors with a huge smile on my face if for no other reason than to show appreciation for having a job, but I knew I was smiling for much more than that.
As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!" "Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her." --Luke 10:38-42
With all of the emotional craziness I still managed to put in some QT with my inner circle and go to my church’s picnic which was super fun. Since it was a long weekend, in which is like gold for some of us working folk--lol, I didn’t want to be confined to the clock. I just wanted to spend my long weekend sporadically and impromptu. You know….going with the flow. Well, I think that pissed some folk off cause what they had “planned” for my weekend I cancelled at the last minute. Don’t usually operate in this manner, but I felt the need to just do me.
Yesterday I straight up played hooky from work. Just didn’t feel like going. On Monday, my “laborless” holiday, I took full advantage of and spent the day lounging around the house. I managed to cook a nice dinner, get some QT in over the phone, but that was it. When it was time for me to get up for work yesterday morning, I looked at the clock and said to myself……what’s the darn use. Is it just me or is anyone else feeling a little purposeless????
For the last nine months I have been spiritually fed tremendously and sitting like a stuff pig--lol. I asked the Lord to take me to another level, and He has answered my prayers triple fold. But just last week I started to feel like I needed to release. You know....spread some of what I've been taught. Like I was taking so much in that I felt the need to be pouring out. On a full-time basis. Don’t get me wrong……I love my job and love what I do….its just that it’s beginning to not be so fulfilling anymore. Do you understand me? It feels like I need to be doing more. And so sometimes getting up doing the routine norm gets to me. And yesterday……it got to me.
For about a straight four hours I sat back and thought about all the things I could be doing. Not to toot my own horn……but I’m good at doing a lot of things--lol. You know how we do....we can turn a hobby into a ministry real quick---lol. Over the years, I’ve been juggling several projects at once and this is the first time that I’m not so busy. In fact, I only turn on my computer at home to check my email. And so yesterday, I just sat back and thought about what I wanted to get into next. About three months ago, I was heavily involved in a personal project that stemmed from my professional work, that could be ministry very easily. The ground work was set in place and I had come across several interested people who were willing and excited to support the project, but one evening while I sat still to listen to the Lord after praying I heard the Lord say….. “Not now” to the project. For a long while I was questioning the voice of the Lord like perhaps I didn’t hear His voice, but something in my spirit wouldn’t allow me to move forward.
Yesterday, I thought long and hard about that project again and decided to proceed with it. I tried to justify what I thought I heard or didn’t hear the Lord say. And the more I tried to figure it out, the more I ignored what I KNOW I heard the Lord speak to me. The ignorance resulted into…….proceed. Cause my life felt/feels purposeless and I needed some activity to fill the void. In fact, I felt so purposeless that I decided to go to the gym and walk on a low speed while brainstorming the project’s to-do list. While walking at a steady 2.5 pace on the treadmill I mapped out everything. I picked up where I had left off back in May. And up until I went to bed last night I felt like a woman on a mission. I felt purposeful and empowered.
This morning when I woke up, the Lord met me at my morning thoughts. This is indeed when I hear the Lord speak clearest to me. And so as I lay there, before getting out the bed and even before praying, the Lord reminded me of a book I read last year called….. “Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World.” Immediately, I halted---mind, body, and spirit. Cause I knew what the Lord was saying. And so I repented. And as I repented the Lord started sharing some things with me.
You know what…..I firmly believe that one of the trickiest tactics that satan will try to place on us is “fulfilling purpose”. I hear some form of “purpose” at least five times a week. Cause those of us in the Body of Christ have been conditioned to know, accept, pursue, fulfill, or do…….purpose in order to please God. Many times---many, many times---purpose gets twisted. There is such a thin line between being obedient to God’s instruction and personal agenda in which we interpret as…..purpose. In addition to this, many of us have been tricked into believing that purpose rests and relies on a platform. Therefore, you will see many Christians writing books, becoming motivational speakers, and/or forming little cliques or “alliances” where the “chosen one who is fulfilling purpose” leads a bunch of vulnerable folk to…..only God knows where. You know what’s sad????? Seeing men and women of God supposedly fulfilling purpose while in the midst of a divorce---and I’m talking about pastors and first ladies. Or those who are “fulfilling purpose” and can’t even open their mouths to speak to their fellow brothers and sisters in Christ who are indeed supporting their "ministry".
So this morning, even though I didn’t want to be…..I was obedient and I sat still to listen to the voice of the Lord. The sad truth is that I heard this message before. I think it was last year. It was the same message that had me look at the fall of Eve. Where Eve was so eager to act upon personal agenda, which was a satanic command, that she forfeited Godly instruction of obedience at the expense of mankind. An act that was laced with innocence, but to increase self. This act is so prevalent amongst Christians. As I’ve said many, many times in entries……I come across so many “Christian ministry” websites of those who claim to promote Jesus, but in reality they are promoting self, that I get turned off. A couple of months ago I was recommended a site by a sister at my church of a pastor’s wife who developed a clothing line called “Jesus Girl”. At first I thought it was kinda cute, but when I got on the site and saw the tight-fitting tees that boasted the brand I didn’t see Jesus no where in it. In fact, the message was quite clear that Jesus wasn’t being uplifting…..Jesus “girl” was.
Over the years, I’m sure you too have heard the common saying that I don’t want to get to heaven and find out that I didn’t use my gifts and talents to fulfill purpose for the Kingdom of God. As I sat back and listened this morning I was getting ready to make my spiel before the Lord about “my purpose” and the Holy Spirit softly answered…… “no, you don’t want to get to heaven and I say what you have spent fruitless time doing was not at all purposed by Me.” And without taking up too much more time, the Lord reminded me that all of His children are ministers of reconciliation. That we all are purposed to love and spread the good news. That is the great commission in which we have been purposed to do. And He reminded me that each time I get up to go to work, vibrant, and full of life given of myself unselfishly and extending a hand to my fellow colleague……that’s fulfilling purpose. All other stuff is plain old…….self-seeking, busyness.
So of course you know me…..I couldn’t let it rest. I wanted to know……Lord, is this it for me---just being fulfilled and fulfilling purpose by what I do on my day job and whatever my pastor appoints me to do at church? And the Lord answered yet again…… “just keep walking by faith for when My door opens you’ll know. As always learn of ME and proceed in obedience.” This morning I walked through my office doors with a huge smile on my face if for no other reason than to show appreciation for having a job, but I knew I was smiling for much more than that.
As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!" "Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her." --Luke 10:38-42
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Prepared for Battle
Wow!!! How in the world can I make literary sense of what has been happening in my life the last five days or so. My spiritual journey just went to the next level. Wow!!
Ok, so last Friday night was all night prayer at my church. Actually, we do more than just pray. It’s actually more like a prayer service but with praise and worship, the prophetic, and of course the spoken word. But the night is centered on prayer in which we start the first two hours in intercession and throughout the night praying for specifics collectively as the Holy Spirit leads.
Our all night prayer services, called War Cry, are every last Friday of the month. And since it began a couple months ago it has grown like wild fire. My church is rather small in congregation since it was only established about 18 months ago---maybe about 400 members. But because of the powerful prayer we do a lot of visitors are drawn to the church. And when the prophet is visiting from Africa many come out to hear his accurate revelations. The visiting prophet called one lady out to prophesy to her nine year old daughter. But before he did he asked the lady where she attended church and she told him [a well-known ministry in the area], but she said frankly that she comes to [my] church to get fed. Well, she got a full course meal on Friday cause after the prophet spoke specifics about her daughter, and husband who wasn’t there, the lady was speechless. I saw her for service on Sunday morning and Sunday evening.
Then……yours truly got called out--lol. Ok, let me say this right now before I go any further. I believe HEAVILY in the prophetic as well as laying hands to heal and deliver. I was brought up in the Pentecostal church so none of this is surprising to me. Back in the eighties, I actually witnessed my mother being drunk one night (many, many nights), went to church at the urging of a friend on the next night, and got instantly delivered from alcohol and cigarettes. Our household went from one extreme to the next in ONE WEEK!!!! And as soon as the Lord delivered my mother and stepfather the favor of God started flowing. We went from a low-income apartment complex to a well-known, admired, middle-class community in about a year and a half. Change happened quickly for my family. So I know first hand the power of God, and how He works through deliverance.
Ok, so I got called out on Friday night. It had to be about 2:30 in the morning. And I think I was walking in circles praying diligently and trying not to fall asleep---lol. My girlfriend, “E” was sitting next to me. She’s been visiting my church since January and says she always gets a breakthrough when she visits. And so the prophet came and laid his hands on "E", but then he had the deacons pull me out to the altar. Ok, in case you don’t know……I’m shy!! LOL. Ok, wait…….I have a very bold personality, but I know when to be assertive and when to be humble. I’m very assertive in the workplace and other places where needed. But when I get into the House of the Lord, I immediately humble myself. I’m like a sheep in church. I cry at any little thing and I am in a zone. A Holy Ghost zone---lol. I go to church to give up praise and worship to God and leave receiving whatever He has for me. I take my worship time in church VERY seriously. Church is a “no drama” zone for me. If there is an issue we can take it up in the parking lot. But in the House of God……..uhhhhh not---lol.
So the prophet calls me to the front and he looks at my stomach. I started to feel uncomfortable because I’ve been slacking on my crunches. I hate stomach exercises. Anyway……he kept staring at my stomach. And so he asks me where my children were. And I said that I didn’t have any children. And so he asked me why. I wanted to say…… “you tell me Mr. Prophet!” but I humbly said that I didn’t know. Then he asked why I wasn’t married. Again, I shrugged my shoulders. Cause I didn't know why I’m not married. I don’t know why [my friend] don’t know how to go past third base with me, and bring it on home---lol. Then he kept staring at me and the more he stared it was getting harder for me to hold back my tears. And then the tears started falling. Before he could lay his oily hands on my forehead I dropped to the floor.
On Saturday I was just out of it all day---physically, mentally, and spiritually. I was so exhausted. Cause the prophet (the one at my church and the ones I’ve seen in the past) usually comes with a word confirming what the receiver already knows. But his prophecy to me was as if he was telling me that I had the answers already, and that he didn’t need to tell me nothing cause I already knew. Well, he was kinda right. I mean, I did/do know that the little he told me was confirmed in my spirit. But I wanted him to delve deeply in it. I know/knew that my marriage is blocked. I just didn’t know how or why. You know we always blame this sort of issue on "another woman" not knowing the real force behind the block.
So Sunday I went to morning service. I started not to go cause I was still very much exhausted from all-night prayer and I wasn’t up for the 45 minute drive to church. But something in my spirit got me up just in time and said….. “GO!” The prophet was actually speaking on Sunday morning and so I did want to hear his message. When I got to church I glimpsed at the other side and saw that my mother and two aunts were visiting and sitting with my oldest sister. Service was awesome and right before it ended the prophet called one of my aunts out. Now let me remind you that I was sitting on the other side of the church. Dude had no idea that I was related to anybody over on that other side. He doesn't know us.
So the prophet calls my aunt out and tells her that her struggles are over. She, of course, starts crying. He then tells her that there was a curse put on her years ago that was supposed to take her out but instead of attacking her the curse went to her daughters. He told her that’s why her oldest daughter was lying in the hospital right now. So true. My cousin/sister has been battling this mysterious illness that has caused her to not walk. Doctors can’t figure it out. So all of a sudden, I quickened and got up to run out the church, but it was as if the Holy Spirit had grabbed me not to leave and I fell to the floor before I could even get out the row. As I lay there zoned, I heard the prophet tell my aunt that her daughter that is in the hospital marriage was blocked and that the girl over there (referring to me) marriage was blocked also, but when she fell (referring to me) the block was lifted on both of them. He kept saying that there was a relationship between us. That something was connecting us. So my pastor jumps up and says…… “They are all related---they are all family!” At that point I was no good.
After service my pastor told us to bring the entire family back that night because there are some strong generational curses that had to be broken in my family. I was all for it. Cause I don’t play with my life. And I ain’t got time to be held accountable for a relative’s issue that happened before I was born. Nope….wrong niece. I wasn’t planning to go to church that night cause I had to get up early for work the next morning, but I went. In between services my phone was ringing off the hook. Me and my cousin, the one in the hospital who I refer to as my sister, are the only two of the older cousins who are not married. We all grew up in the same household and so when the prophet said there was a link between her and me it made so much sense. My oldest sister who heard the entire prophecy said that the prophet said our marriages were blocked due to my aunt’s struggles. How…..I have no clue. Why me…….I have no clue. What I do know is that when satan gets a leak in……he is cunning and will try to take the strongest ones out. Me and my cousin are the two strongest ones out of 17 grandchildren. Ain’t a whole lot to that.
When I got to church that evening it was packed out. Everybody and their momma were visiting. And understandably so cause after the prophet called out this visiting dude’s license plates on Friday night and told him that the devil was trying to wipe out his life in a car accident that was to happen on Thursday at 3:00p many believers came to know that the Spiritual realm is real. The prophet described both cars and told dude which one was just in an accident and which was going to be involved in the next accident. Dude’s face was lit up like a Christmas tree. At one point he looked like….. “why did I agree to visit this crazy church” and on the other “tell me more.” The whole church was almost in tears, but we prayed over dude like we never prayed before. Before prophesying, the prophet preached a message on Ungodly Kingdoms, their purpose, and how to destroy them. I was all ears.
After service, my pastor met with my family and basically told us that we needed to go into heavy prayer and fasting because there are some strong ungodly kingdoms built in my family that is preventing us from living the life in which God purposed. I understood immediately for God can do anything, but He will not go against our will. Sooooo……I realize that some things only come through prayer and fasting. And that we had to surrender our will for God to have His way to fight on our behalf. Many ministries in my family have been blocked, there are untimely deaths, generational illnesses, and poverty. These are all results of ungodly kingdoms that have been set up in our lives. Either in front of our faces or behind our backs. All are set up in the spiritual realm, and orchestrated by satanic forces.
Over the course of blogging, I’ve spoken openly about my church journey over the years many times. After leaving the Pentecostal church I grew up in back in the early nineties I started frequenting a very well-known “word” church in the DC metro area. Though I’ve never been caught up in the prosperity movement (I just personally think that its a thin line between God's blessings and man's greedy motives in which gets out of Biblical truth) I was really feeling the “word” church movement because in the mid nineties I had come into this “intellectual Jill” that I really liked—lol. I was grasping knowledge back and forth, and growing into a person that I admired. However, though I was growing into Jill, I was spiritually mal-nourished. I mean, I have church notebooks filled with….. “the 10 steps to being a godly Christian in the workplace” or “the 5 steps to having a good godly attitude” or “the steps on living a prosperous life”, but I wasn’t being fed meat!!! I mean c’mon now…..all those messages could have been knocked out with one supreme message……. “What is the Holy Spirit and how to walk in obedience to the Word of God!!!” That’s it.
Just the last few years or so I have become burnt out with the mega-word church movement only because they’ve built me up so much that I’m no good for NOBODY. In fact, it’s all a freakin front because when I would get home I’d be depressed and unhappy. It wasn’t until real recent that I learned it is in our weakness that Christ becomes strong. And in our weakened, brokenness that God can began to use us. And so that’s what I’ve been grasping lately. Just being humbled before God so that He can have His perfect will in me. Me being that strong, black, professional woman is breaking down day by the day. Cause I’m learning that my profession and education can’t get me to where I need to be in God. In fact, my little gifts and talents that I lend to the church can only get me so far. If there is no anointing or if my “know-it-all” attitude can’t humble myself enough to hear from God, I will screw up a ministry. I see it happen all the time. So I understand that although I am an educated, professional in the world, my call to ministry could very well be to dust the pews and vaccum the sanctuary. I’m learning to be obedient to God’s perfect will.
Ok, so just as my pastor instructed...I have been doing a dry fast around the clock for the last few days. And so last night, since I’m not eating or doing any television or internet or anything secular, I felt like I needed to be in the presence of believers. My church was having service (the prophet is ministering at my church all week) but by the time I got home it was way too late for me to take the forty-five minute drive to Virginia. But something clicked and reminded me that my old church, which is a 3-minute ride from my house, was having Bible Study. So without any further thought I went.
Can I just say that I love my former pastor? Thanks. I love my former pastor!! He gets it. Unfortunately, the congregation doesn’t. Right before he went into his lesson on Moving Forward he’d asked that we continue singing a worship song but this time he wanted us to cry out to God with all that we had in us. Ok, it had to be approximately…….ummmm 1,500 people in the sanctuary. Probably more. But as soon as he gave the cue it seemed like he and I were the only ones crying out. I couldn’t believe it. It just took me back to a thought I use to have when visiting other ministries.
I mean, it’s sad when the congregation can’t grasp the fullness of God leaving the pastor out there alone to give up praise. My (current) pastor always tells us that praise and worship is like leaning on God’s doorbell. But what happens when He answers and opens the door? And that’s how I felt last night. Like a group of us had leaned on God’s doorbell and when He answered the only ones who had something to say were me and my (former) pastor. It was then that I really realized that a great portion of the body of Christ is not walking in the fullness of God. They’re missing out.
Over the years, I’ve heard comments about the Charismatic and/or Pentecostal church and how they are “spooky spiritual” or “radical” or just plain old LOUD. But I have to bear witness that the world we are living in is dangerous. And sometimes to get your message across you have to take any means necessary. If I can scream for my favorite singer on television, I can scream even louder for Christ. We are living in the midst of a spiritual war and there are demonic forces that are bounding God’s people. It’s time to move forward past these “get money, self-help, motivational speaking” type of messages. We need some folk who are going to fall on their knees and pray with everything they have in them. I mean, REALLY PRAY!!!
Just hearing the revelation that me being married is blocked by a demonic force that was put on my family years ago is disheartening. The devil knows that me and my husband together will cause his kingdom to tremble. That punk knew what he was doing. But guess what…..he done met his match now. Cause for the last few days I prayed, binded, destroyed, rebuked and cast down every satanic block that he not only put on me, but on my family as well. When dealing with warfare a pen and a little piece of 5x7 paper ain’t gonna do it. You gotta be completely armored by the Word of God. And not just writing it down and reciting it......BUT LIVING IT!!!
Today, after fasting and praying and loosing strong holds…..I walk in victory. I feel freer than I ever have. And if another person tells me that I look so radiant with a glow I’ma scream up to heaven and tell the Lord to turn down the light a little---lol. God is doing a great work in my family and I’m just taking it all in. Really, I am. But now that the block is gone I wonder how [my friend] will proceed. I haven’t told him yet what happened ;-).
Put on the whole armor of God that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. –Ephesians 6:11-13
Ok, so last Friday night was all night prayer at my church. Actually, we do more than just pray. It’s actually more like a prayer service but with praise and worship, the prophetic, and of course the spoken word. But the night is centered on prayer in which we start the first two hours in intercession and throughout the night praying for specifics collectively as the Holy Spirit leads.
Our all night prayer services, called War Cry, are every last Friday of the month. And since it began a couple months ago it has grown like wild fire. My church is rather small in congregation since it was only established about 18 months ago---maybe about 400 members. But because of the powerful prayer we do a lot of visitors are drawn to the church. And when the prophet is visiting from Africa many come out to hear his accurate revelations. The visiting prophet called one lady out to prophesy to her nine year old daughter. But before he did he asked the lady where she attended church and she told him [a well-known ministry in the area], but she said frankly that she comes to [my] church to get fed. Well, she got a full course meal on Friday cause after the prophet spoke specifics about her daughter, and husband who wasn’t there, the lady was speechless. I saw her for service on Sunday morning and Sunday evening.
Then……yours truly got called out--lol. Ok, let me say this right now before I go any further. I believe HEAVILY in the prophetic as well as laying hands to heal and deliver. I was brought up in the Pentecostal church so none of this is surprising to me. Back in the eighties, I actually witnessed my mother being drunk one night (many, many nights), went to church at the urging of a friend on the next night, and got instantly delivered from alcohol and cigarettes. Our household went from one extreme to the next in ONE WEEK!!!! And as soon as the Lord delivered my mother and stepfather the favor of God started flowing. We went from a low-income apartment complex to a well-known, admired, middle-class community in about a year and a half. Change happened quickly for my family. So I know first hand the power of God, and how He works through deliverance.
Ok, so I got called out on Friday night. It had to be about 2:30 in the morning. And I think I was walking in circles praying diligently and trying not to fall asleep---lol. My girlfriend, “E” was sitting next to me. She’s been visiting my church since January and says she always gets a breakthrough when she visits. And so the prophet came and laid his hands on "E", but then he had the deacons pull me out to the altar. Ok, in case you don’t know……I’m shy!! LOL. Ok, wait…….I have a very bold personality, but I know when to be assertive and when to be humble. I’m very assertive in the workplace and other places where needed. But when I get into the House of the Lord, I immediately humble myself. I’m like a sheep in church. I cry at any little thing and I am in a zone. A Holy Ghost zone---lol. I go to church to give up praise and worship to God and leave receiving whatever He has for me. I take my worship time in church VERY seriously. Church is a “no drama” zone for me. If there is an issue we can take it up in the parking lot. But in the House of God……..uhhhhh not---lol.
So the prophet calls me to the front and he looks at my stomach. I started to feel uncomfortable because I’ve been slacking on my crunches. I hate stomach exercises. Anyway……he kept staring at my stomach. And so he asks me where my children were. And I said that I didn’t have any children. And so he asked me why. I wanted to say…… “you tell me Mr. Prophet!” but I humbly said that I didn’t know. Then he asked why I wasn’t married. Again, I shrugged my shoulders. Cause I didn't know why I’m not married. I don’t know why [my friend] don’t know how to go past third base with me, and bring it on home---lol. Then he kept staring at me and the more he stared it was getting harder for me to hold back my tears. And then the tears started falling. Before he could lay his oily hands on my forehead I dropped to the floor.
On Saturday I was just out of it all day---physically, mentally, and spiritually. I was so exhausted. Cause the prophet (the one at my church and the ones I’ve seen in the past) usually comes with a word confirming what the receiver already knows. But his prophecy to me was as if he was telling me that I had the answers already, and that he didn’t need to tell me nothing cause I already knew. Well, he was kinda right. I mean, I did/do know that the little he told me was confirmed in my spirit. But I wanted him to delve deeply in it. I know/knew that my marriage is blocked. I just didn’t know how or why. You know we always blame this sort of issue on "another woman" not knowing the real force behind the block.
So Sunday I went to morning service. I started not to go cause I was still very much exhausted from all-night prayer and I wasn’t up for the 45 minute drive to church. But something in my spirit got me up just in time and said….. “GO!” The prophet was actually speaking on Sunday morning and so I did want to hear his message. When I got to church I glimpsed at the other side and saw that my mother and two aunts were visiting and sitting with my oldest sister. Service was awesome and right before it ended the prophet called one of my aunts out. Now let me remind you that I was sitting on the other side of the church. Dude had no idea that I was related to anybody over on that other side. He doesn't know us.
So the prophet calls my aunt out and tells her that her struggles are over. She, of course, starts crying. He then tells her that there was a curse put on her years ago that was supposed to take her out but instead of attacking her the curse went to her daughters. He told her that’s why her oldest daughter was lying in the hospital right now. So true. My cousin/sister has been battling this mysterious illness that has caused her to not walk. Doctors can’t figure it out. So all of a sudden, I quickened and got up to run out the church, but it was as if the Holy Spirit had grabbed me not to leave and I fell to the floor before I could even get out the row. As I lay there zoned, I heard the prophet tell my aunt that her daughter that is in the hospital marriage was blocked and that the girl over there (referring to me) marriage was blocked also, but when she fell (referring to me) the block was lifted on both of them. He kept saying that there was a relationship between us. That something was connecting us. So my pastor jumps up and says…… “They are all related---they are all family!” At that point I was no good.
After service my pastor told us to bring the entire family back that night because there are some strong generational curses that had to be broken in my family. I was all for it. Cause I don’t play with my life. And I ain’t got time to be held accountable for a relative’s issue that happened before I was born. Nope….wrong niece. I wasn’t planning to go to church that night cause I had to get up early for work the next morning, but I went. In between services my phone was ringing off the hook. Me and my cousin, the one in the hospital who I refer to as my sister, are the only two of the older cousins who are not married. We all grew up in the same household and so when the prophet said there was a link between her and me it made so much sense. My oldest sister who heard the entire prophecy said that the prophet said our marriages were blocked due to my aunt’s struggles. How…..I have no clue. Why me…….I have no clue. What I do know is that when satan gets a leak in……he is cunning and will try to take the strongest ones out. Me and my cousin are the two strongest ones out of 17 grandchildren. Ain’t a whole lot to that.
When I got to church that evening it was packed out. Everybody and their momma were visiting. And understandably so cause after the prophet called out this visiting dude’s license plates on Friday night and told him that the devil was trying to wipe out his life in a car accident that was to happen on Thursday at 3:00p many believers came to know that the Spiritual realm is real. The prophet described both cars and told dude which one was just in an accident and which was going to be involved in the next accident. Dude’s face was lit up like a Christmas tree. At one point he looked like….. “why did I agree to visit this crazy church” and on the other “tell me more.” The whole church was almost in tears, but we prayed over dude like we never prayed before. Before prophesying, the prophet preached a message on Ungodly Kingdoms, their purpose, and how to destroy them. I was all ears.
After service, my pastor met with my family and basically told us that we needed to go into heavy prayer and fasting because there are some strong ungodly kingdoms built in my family that is preventing us from living the life in which God purposed. I understood immediately for God can do anything, but He will not go against our will. Sooooo……I realize that some things only come through prayer and fasting. And that we had to surrender our will for God to have His way to fight on our behalf. Many ministries in my family have been blocked, there are untimely deaths, generational illnesses, and poverty. These are all results of ungodly kingdoms that have been set up in our lives. Either in front of our faces or behind our backs. All are set up in the spiritual realm, and orchestrated by satanic forces.
Over the course of blogging, I’ve spoken openly about my church journey over the years many times. After leaving the Pentecostal church I grew up in back in the early nineties I started frequenting a very well-known “word” church in the DC metro area. Though I’ve never been caught up in the prosperity movement (I just personally think that its a thin line between God's blessings and man's greedy motives in which gets out of Biblical truth) I was really feeling the “word” church movement because in the mid nineties I had come into this “intellectual Jill” that I really liked—lol. I was grasping knowledge back and forth, and growing into a person that I admired. However, though I was growing into Jill, I was spiritually mal-nourished. I mean, I have church notebooks filled with….. “the 10 steps to being a godly Christian in the workplace” or “the 5 steps to having a good godly attitude” or “the steps on living a prosperous life”, but I wasn’t being fed meat!!! I mean c’mon now…..all those messages could have been knocked out with one supreme message……. “What is the Holy Spirit and how to walk in obedience to the Word of God!!!” That’s it.
Just the last few years or so I have become burnt out with the mega-word church movement only because they’ve built me up so much that I’m no good for NOBODY. In fact, it’s all a freakin front because when I would get home I’d be depressed and unhappy. It wasn’t until real recent that I learned it is in our weakness that Christ becomes strong. And in our weakened, brokenness that God can began to use us. And so that’s what I’ve been grasping lately. Just being humbled before God so that He can have His perfect will in me. Me being that strong, black, professional woman is breaking down day by the day. Cause I’m learning that my profession and education can’t get me to where I need to be in God. In fact, my little gifts and talents that I lend to the church can only get me so far. If there is no anointing or if my “know-it-all” attitude can’t humble myself enough to hear from God, I will screw up a ministry. I see it happen all the time. So I understand that although I am an educated, professional in the world, my call to ministry could very well be to dust the pews and vaccum the sanctuary. I’m learning to be obedient to God’s perfect will.
Ok, so just as my pastor instructed...I have been doing a dry fast around the clock for the last few days. And so last night, since I’m not eating or doing any television or internet or anything secular, I felt like I needed to be in the presence of believers. My church was having service (the prophet is ministering at my church all week) but by the time I got home it was way too late for me to take the forty-five minute drive to Virginia. But something clicked and reminded me that my old church, which is a 3-minute ride from my house, was having Bible Study. So without any further thought I went.
Can I just say that I love my former pastor? Thanks. I love my former pastor!! He gets it. Unfortunately, the congregation doesn’t. Right before he went into his lesson on Moving Forward he’d asked that we continue singing a worship song but this time he wanted us to cry out to God with all that we had in us. Ok, it had to be approximately…….ummmm 1,500 people in the sanctuary. Probably more. But as soon as he gave the cue it seemed like he and I were the only ones crying out. I couldn’t believe it. It just took me back to a thought I use to have when visiting other ministries.
I mean, it’s sad when the congregation can’t grasp the fullness of God leaving the pastor out there alone to give up praise. My (current) pastor always tells us that praise and worship is like leaning on God’s doorbell. But what happens when He answers and opens the door? And that’s how I felt last night. Like a group of us had leaned on God’s doorbell and when He answered the only ones who had something to say were me and my (former) pastor. It was then that I really realized that a great portion of the body of Christ is not walking in the fullness of God. They’re missing out.
Over the years, I’ve heard comments about the Charismatic and/or Pentecostal church and how they are “spooky spiritual” or “radical” or just plain old LOUD. But I have to bear witness that the world we are living in is dangerous. And sometimes to get your message across you have to take any means necessary. If I can scream for my favorite singer on television, I can scream even louder for Christ. We are living in the midst of a spiritual war and there are demonic forces that are bounding God’s people. It’s time to move forward past these “get money, self-help, motivational speaking” type of messages. We need some folk who are going to fall on their knees and pray with everything they have in them. I mean, REALLY PRAY!!!
Just hearing the revelation that me being married is blocked by a demonic force that was put on my family years ago is disheartening. The devil knows that me and my husband together will cause his kingdom to tremble. That punk knew what he was doing. But guess what…..he done met his match now. Cause for the last few days I prayed, binded, destroyed, rebuked and cast down every satanic block that he not only put on me, but on my family as well. When dealing with warfare a pen and a little piece of 5x7 paper ain’t gonna do it. You gotta be completely armored by the Word of God. And not just writing it down and reciting it......BUT LIVING IT!!!
Today, after fasting and praying and loosing strong holds…..I walk in victory. I feel freer than I ever have. And if another person tells me that I look so radiant with a glow I’ma scream up to heaven and tell the Lord to turn down the light a little---lol. God is doing a great work in my family and I’m just taking it all in. Really, I am. But now that the block is gone I wonder how [my friend] will proceed. I haven’t told him yet what happened ;-).
Put on the whole armor of God that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. –Ephesians 6:11-13
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Green Thumb
Lately, I’ve been in this really green thumb mood. Gotta be honest though….my thumb is more to the darker green side than the vibrant, plant green side—lol. Over the weekend, I did something that I never do……repotted my two little plants. Wait, actually I repotted one plant and bought another one and just changed the pot. I’ve never been really into plants. I’d pick fresh flowers any day over plants. But I have this Peace Lily that I’ve been raising over the last few years and it’s growing like wild flowers so, not knowing that much about plants, the least I know is when a plant needs more space to grow.
Spiritually, I’ve been studying the seed over the last few months. The revelation the Lord has given me concerning the seed---that is…the real seed, not money (lol)---is so amazing. Almost so that I can’t even break down what I’m learning in this blog and so I’m really praying about publishing it into a book. My first book (smile). We’ll see. To gain a full understanding of the seed in which I, as a human, can grasp requires learning the natural, as well as the spiritual process. And so I’ve been really getting into botany and biology to understand the natural growth process. Then I refer to the Word to gain a Spiritual understanding. It’s really deep. Especially how the seed relates to plants, child birth, and of course…..the Holy Spirit.
Ironically, something amazing happened to me yesterday concerning plants and I could hear the Lord giving me spiritual revelation as it was unfolding. Since I’ve been working here in the Federal government, I’ve gained somewhat of popularity because of…….my office plants (lol). I’d like to think that the work I do speaks volumes, but uhhhh……..lol. Anyway, when I first started working here, which was close to nine years ago, I admired my former boss’ plant. I can’t even tell you what type of plant it was because….I don’t know. And I didn’t care. I just thought it was very beautiful.
In my first week on the job, I gained an office mom. And so she revealed to me that she was the one who took care of my boss’ plants. So one day my office mom was repotting my boss’ plants and she took a piece of the plant and put it in some soil for me. I don’t even remember asking her for a piece. She just surprised me with a cute little orange flower pot (my favorite color) with a piece of the plant in it. That one little plant sat in the same place on my desk for the first five years on the job. And every time somebody would walk pass they would compliment my plant.
In those first five years, I use to joke with my colleagues saying that the plant represented my growth on the job. Cause I went from assisting the Director (while earning my master’s) to managing one of Bush’s infamous initiatives. In addition to that, I’m learning humility and self-control and how to deal with all types of folk and so many other character-building lessons. A real growth process. And so that plant has grown with me. And it just keeps growing and going with me. I changed desks, offices, and floors in the last nine years more than I change my bed sheets--lol. It’s just been constant growth---each situation getting better and better. And so that plant has been with me since the beginning.
Now things are a little different with that one little plant. It’s grown so much that not only is it touching the ceiling---very much a tree---but it has had babies. And grandbabies—lol. I’ve had so many admirers over the years that when my plant got repotted, it would be so large that I’d give pieces of it away. Ok, I didn’t…..my office mom did/does all the work—lol. But she’d ask my permission first before giving my stuff away—lol. As a result of all that growth, I’ve managed to keep the original plant and two of its well-grown and flourishing babies.
But yesterday, a colleague, Marsha, from another office came up and said…….. “Jill I was admiring Tabitha’s plant and she said that it came from your plant.” Ok, again, I don’t maintain my plants so once my office mom repots it could very well be true that a number of folk could get a piece of it. It’s a trickle effect—lol. So I listened to Marsha as she marveled while touching my plants. She was real frank with me. She said…. “Jill I need a piece of your plant.” She said that every time she comes up and passes through my office she "loves on" my plants. Even going as far to say that I have the best plants in the building! I was looking real dumb cause uhhhh, I only water these bad billies when I want to empty my stale drinking water to get a fresh cup--lol. Seriously. So I listened and was really opened to giving her a piece but I had one problem……I’m not the maintainer so I couldn’t give her nothing!!!
So I told Marsha who was really responsible for all of my beautiful plants and so we called my office mom around to my desk. As soon as my office mom got her, I sat back so that they could discuss green life. Their conversation at one point was going way above my head. So I just sat back and listened. Trying to learn a thing or two. But then Marsha told my office mom that all she needed to do was break off a piece of the top and that she’d put it in water. Then my ears perked up. I knew breaking off a piece from the top could very well sustain in water cause I have a colleague who has a piece of my plant on her desk sitting in water. It’s beautiful. And it’s been sitting there looking beautiful for the last several years. And if that’s all Marsha wanted then I was like……let's just break her off a piece.
But then Marsha said……. “I want my plants to look like Jill’s.” And then my office mom chimed in and said……. “Oh, then you would have to get it from the root!!” At this point I was in my chair praising God in my head. I kept saying over and over…….thank you Lord!!! And so my office Mom told Marsha that it wouldn’t be easy cause she would have to take the plant apart. I was all for it. And Marsha was too. She said she was patient. Cause she knew what she wanted. She said……. “ok, whenever I'm just claiming my piece first.” My office mom told her that she’d come in early this morning and do it. I just sat back and listened. I was taking it all in.
Last night as I was spending some time with the Lord He just began revealing this plant thing to me. See, I’m just a willing vessel. I admired the growth I saw someone else had, and so I inquired. And I opened myself up to receive. I did NOTHING but accept the gift by displaying it. Even when I fall short, watering the gift when it’s convenient for me, God is still there. He’s still faithful. Because when I’m not even around, He’s watering and maintaining. The only instructions He gave me is to…….spread the gospel and to love my bretheren. That is to display and share. Show His beauty and share it with others. Be an example and walk upright before men, so that they will want what I was given. We ain't talking bout no conceited, "I'm better than others cause I got what you can't get mess." Not at all. I'm talking about just showing the goodness of God. Cause even when I want to take credit for these beautiful plants……I can’t!! Cause it’s not me doing none of this.
Then the Lord revealed another thing. Marsha could have very well taken the top piece. And she would have gotten it immediately, and went on with her green life. IF it even survives, having the top piece doesn’t require nothing but putting it in water and changing the water when it gets dirty. But the only growth it will have is downward--again that's if it survives. My other colleague’s plant is beautiful on the outside, but the leaves and vines are just sprouted all over her file cabinet, very limp. To many, her plant is perfect because she doesn’t have to spend time replanting and repotting, and getting all messy. But to some of us…..her plant serves no purpose because she can’t share it.
See, now I’m about to preach---lol. But when you know what you are missing and know what you want you are willing to go through whatever process to get long-term results. Soooo many folk take the easy road out maintaining in water! God forbid that beautiful vase spill over….cause not only will the vase break but the little liquid that is maintaining you will be gone too. It’s so temporary. But when you are PLANTED in the soil your growth is upward and you can see life. A quality life.
This morning when I got in I opened my email and there was a message from Marsha. She simply said…… “Jill, thank you so much for the plant.” And I replied with a simple…… “Anytime, enjoy the growth.” When I looked around at all three plants I couldn’t even tell which one had been touched. There was no dirt residue and I couldn’t even tell if there were any leaves missing. Then the Lord spoke to me clearly and said……. “See, it costs you NOTHING to share what I have given you.”
Through Jesus, therefore, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise—the fruit of lips that confess his name. And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased. –Hebrews 13:15-16
“For a good tree does not bear bad fruit, nor does a bad tree bear good fruit. For every tree is known by its own fruit. For men do not gather figs from thorns, nor do they gather grapes from a bramble bush. A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart brings forth evil. For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.” –Luke 6:43-45
Spiritually, I’ve been studying the seed over the last few months. The revelation the Lord has given me concerning the seed---that is…the real seed, not money (lol)---is so amazing. Almost so that I can’t even break down what I’m learning in this blog and so I’m really praying about publishing it into a book. My first book (smile). We’ll see. To gain a full understanding of the seed in which I, as a human, can grasp requires learning the natural, as well as the spiritual process. And so I’ve been really getting into botany and biology to understand the natural growth process. Then I refer to the Word to gain a Spiritual understanding. It’s really deep. Especially how the seed relates to plants, child birth, and of course…..the Holy Spirit.
Ironically, something amazing happened to me yesterday concerning plants and I could hear the Lord giving me spiritual revelation as it was unfolding. Since I’ve been working here in the Federal government, I’ve gained somewhat of popularity because of…….my office plants (lol). I’d like to think that the work I do speaks volumes, but uhhhh……..lol. Anyway, when I first started working here, which was close to nine years ago, I admired my former boss’ plant. I can’t even tell you what type of plant it was because….I don’t know. And I didn’t care. I just thought it was very beautiful.
In my first week on the job, I gained an office mom. And so she revealed to me that she was the one who took care of my boss’ plants. So one day my office mom was repotting my boss’ plants and she took a piece of the plant and put it in some soil for me. I don’t even remember asking her for a piece. She just surprised me with a cute little orange flower pot (my favorite color) with a piece of the plant in it. That one little plant sat in the same place on my desk for the first five years on the job. And every time somebody would walk pass they would compliment my plant.
In those first five years, I use to joke with my colleagues saying that the plant represented my growth on the job. Cause I went from assisting the Director (while earning my master’s) to managing one of Bush’s infamous initiatives. In addition to that, I’m learning humility and self-control and how to deal with all types of folk and so many other character-building lessons. A real growth process. And so that plant has grown with me. And it just keeps growing and going with me. I changed desks, offices, and floors in the last nine years more than I change my bed sheets--lol. It’s just been constant growth---each situation getting better and better. And so that plant has been with me since the beginning.
Now things are a little different with that one little plant. It’s grown so much that not only is it touching the ceiling---very much a tree---but it has had babies. And grandbabies—lol. I’ve had so many admirers over the years that when my plant got repotted, it would be so large that I’d give pieces of it away. Ok, I didn’t…..my office mom did/does all the work—lol. But she’d ask my permission first before giving my stuff away—lol. As a result of all that growth, I’ve managed to keep the original plant and two of its well-grown and flourishing babies.
But yesterday, a colleague, Marsha, from another office came up and said…….. “Jill I was admiring Tabitha’s plant and she said that it came from your plant.” Ok, again, I don’t maintain my plants so once my office mom repots it could very well be true that a number of folk could get a piece of it. It’s a trickle effect—lol. So I listened to Marsha as she marveled while touching my plants. She was real frank with me. She said…. “Jill I need a piece of your plant.” She said that every time she comes up and passes through my office she "loves on" my plants. Even going as far to say that I have the best plants in the building! I was looking real dumb cause uhhhh, I only water these bad billies when I want to empty my stale drinking water to get a fresh cup--lol. Seriously. So I listened and was really opened to giving her a piece but I had one problem……I’m not the maintainer so I couldn’t give her nothing!!!
So I told Marsha who was really responsible for all of my beautiful plants and so we called my office mom around to my desk. As soon as my office mom got her, I sat back so that they could discuss green life. Their conversation at one point was going way above my head. So I just sat back and listened. Trying to learn a thing or two. But then Marsha told my office mom that all she needed to do was break off a piece of the top and that she’d put it in water. Then my ears perked up. I knew breaking off a piece from the top could very well sustain in water cause I have a colleague who has a piece of my plant on her desk sitting in water. It’s beautiful. And it’s been sitting there looking beautiful for the last several years. And if that’s all Marsha wanted then I was like……let's just break her off a piece.
But then Marsha said……. “I want my plants to look like Jill’s.” And then my office mom chimed in and said……. “Oh, then you would have to get it from the root!!” At this point I was in my chair praising God in my head. I kept saying over and over…….thank you Lord!!! And so my office Mom told Marsha that it wouldn’t be easy cause she would have to take the plant apart. I was all for it. And Marsha was too. She said she was patient. Cause she knew what she wanted. She said……. “ok, whenever I'm just claiming my piece first.” My office mom told her that she’d come in early this morning and do it. I just sat back and listened. I was taking it all in.
Last night as I was spending some time with the Lord He just began revealing this plant thing to me. See, I’m just a willing vessel. I admired the growth I saw someone else had, and so I inquired. And I opened myself up to receive. I did NOTHING but accept the gift by displaying it. Even when I fall short, watering the gift when it’s convenient for me, God is still there. He’s still faithful. Because when I’m not even around, He’s watering and maintaining. The only instructions He gave me is to…….spread the gospel and to love my bretheren. That is to display and share. Show His beauty and share it with others. Be an example and walk upright before men, so that they will want what I was given. We ain't talking bout no conceited, "I'm better than others cause I got what you can't get mess." Not at all. I'm talking about just showing the goodness of God. Cause even when I want to take credit for these beautiful plants……I can’t!! Cause it’s not me doing none of this.
Then the Lord revealed another thing. Marsha could have very well taken the top piece. And she would have gotten it immediately, and went on with her green life. IF it even survives, having the top piece doesn’t require nothing but putting it in water and changing the water when it gets dirty. But the only growth it will have is downward--again that's if it survives. My other colleague’s plant is beautiful on the outside, but the leaves and vines are just sprouted all over her file cabinet, very limp. To many, her plant is perfect because she doesn’t have to spend time replanting and repotting, and getting all messy. But to some of us…..her plant serves no purpose because she can’t share it.
See, now I’m about to preach---lol. But when you know what you are missing and know what you want you are willing to go through whatever process to get long-term results. Soooo many folk take the easy road out maintaining in water! God forbid that beautiful vase spill over….cause not only will the vase break but the little liquid that is maintaining you will be gone too. It’s so temporary. But when you are PLANTED in the soil your growth is upward and you can see life. A quality life.
This morning when I got in I opened my email and there was a message from Marsha. She simply said…… “Jill, thank you so much for the plant.” And I replied with a simple…… “Anytime, enjoy the growth.” When I looked around at all three plants I couldn’t even tell which one had been touched. There was no dirt residue and I couldn’t even tell if there were any leaves missing. Then the Lord spoke to me clearly and said……. “See, it costs you NOTHING to share what I have given you.”
Through Jesus, therefore, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise—the fruit of lips that confess his name. And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased. –Hebrews 13:15-16
“For a good tree does not bear bad fruit, nor does a bad tree bear good fruit. For every tree is known by its own fruit. For men do not gather figs from thorns, nor do they gather grapes from a bramble bush. A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart brings forth evil. For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.” –Luke 6:43-45
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
A Bump on the Log
For the past several weeks, “E” and I have been reminiscing on the childhood we shared. In particular, one of our favorite childhood activities…..crossing the log. Just a couple days ago, “E” revealed that she had been spending some personal time reflecting on the log and how she’s now realizing that it was very symbolic in making and molding us into whom we are today. And so last night, I began thinking really deeply about the log too, and how it was indeed used as a symbolism in our lives.
Me, “T”, “E”, and another tag-a-long friend “K” had to be around 8 years old when we discovered the log. Seriously, it used to be a group of us girls playing together, but to the life of me I only remember the four of us at the log. I’m sure there were lots of times when more than the four of us crossed the log, but it was those light bulb moments when only the four of us were there.
Our apartment complex, as I mentioned in other entries, wasn’t that big. There were 11 garden-style buildings that made up the entire complex. Me, “T”, and “E’s” buildings were connected together in the most popular section referred to as the “court”. The court sat smack dab in the middle of the complex. Behind the complex was a streaming creek that ran from Sheriff Rd. thru George Palmer Hwy and ended somewhere just before Central Avenue. In relating terms…..the creek ran for a good 7-10 miles.
On the other side of the creek was a community of semi-detached homes. Just the other night, me and “E” talked about how we always thought that the neighborhood across the creek was for well-to-do folk. Lawns were nicely manicured and everybody seemed to have a car parked on their side of the driveway. They just seemed to be living. Ironically, “E’s” aunt and uncle had a home over in that neighborhood and often we’d visit because their house always had some type of family function.
But that side of the creek just always seemed to fascinate us. For one, they had the basketball court where all the cute guys hung out. We weren’t into boys back then, we were too young, but there always seemed to be a sense of security being around the basketball court. But another thing we liked was that the candy lady lived in one of the houses. She had sour pickles and all flavored Now Laters. But I guess our favorite reason we liked going to the other side was because they had the best playground. All of their swing sets had swings. And their seesaw wasn’t missing handles. And they had a covered shelter just in case it rained. Many days we’d sit under the shelter and just talked or played hand games (remember……SLIIIDE).
The view from each one of our apartments looked over the creek and into the other side. I remember clearly that one of the best views was at night when the basketball court was fully lit and all the “big boys” would be playing ball. Just having clean fun. The view on the other side was really nice. Day or night. Ok, I ain’t saying that we lived in a dump, but compared to the other side it was quite obvious that those who lived in the apartments were just getting by. I mean, most of our mother’s were single and living on the system, and those who weren’t I’m sure only had temporary plans for being there. But we made the best of what we had. We never got bored. Even on our piece of playground we had lots of fun. But we had something the other side didn’t have…..the pool (might I add that we are all great swimmers today because of that pissy pool—lol). But the pool only gave us fun for a good 3 months out the year. We had to be creative during our playtime. And so that’s when we discovered “the log”.
You know, me and “E” were trying to figure out when we actually discovered the log. I don’t really remember. All I remember is that lightening LITERALLY bolted from the sky, struck a huge tree which caused it to fall across the creek from the other side to our side. One day I guess we were playing house down by the creek as we did often and discovered that the log could get us to the other side.
The way the log was situated couldn’t have been more perfect. The log was located right behind the court. In pre-log days, in order to get to the other side we would have to walk around the long way. That is…..walk down to George Palmer Hwy and cross over the little trail. But the log cut all of that hiking out. All we had to do was walk around behind my building and try our best to walk down the dirt hill without tumbling into the streaming water. Many days we’d all hold hands and walk down together. Cause if one fell, we all fell. The log became the short-cut for EVERYBODY. It became so famous that all of the ballers would just run across it to get to the basketball court.
Then one day. One day. One day.
One day, the four of us wanted to go to the playground on the other side and so we decided to cross the log. But we were too young to walk across like the big boys. So what we did was sat on the log with both our legs hanging on each side of the log and we scooted across. Scooting slowly across became the norm for us. But one day, we were almost across, probably in the middle, and these boys from the other side started messing with us and shook the log while we were on it. I think that was the first group fear that we’d experienced. Wait a minute……no probably the haunted house at McDonalds—lol. But being stuck on that log was a very fearful experience. But we stuck together until the boys left us alone. And we didn’t turn around. We kept scooting to our destination.
But then one day---in which says a lot about my character today---we decided that we wanted to walk across the log. Me and “E” were discussing this the other night. And so I asked her, cause I couldn’t remember--lol, but I asked her who was the first to walk across. And she says…… “Jill, you know it was you!” But then I did remember. I remember when I walked across the log. But right before I had made it across, I fell. I fell off the log and into the muddy water. “E” said that I said I fell cause I saw a monkey---lol. I don’t quite remember that…..but I do remember falling. But I got back up. Actually, I remember walking down the creek until I found an opening to climb to land. And guess what……I wasn’t looking for the opening that led back home. Nope. It was an opening on the other side. But that says so much about my character today. I can make it almost there (in whatever situation), but then fall off. I fall off right before reaching the finish line. But I get back up and I try again. This says a lot about me today.
By the time we were 10, we were almost running across that log. I remember distinctly all of us having jelly shoes. I had red ones. I loved those things---lol. But not when it was really hot outside cause those things would soften on your feet like hot wax—lol. But it was understood that if we were crossing the log to get to the other side, we had to change our shoes. We had to put on our tennis shoes. Our Kinney Kapers. Many times our feet slipped off the log causing some very painful situations. But that didn’t stop us. Neither did all of the rodents and reptiles down in that nasty creek. I can’t stand the outdoors now-lol. That’s one thing that me and [my friend] have both determined…..we’re not campers and we do not do the great outdoors--lol. But back then it didn’t bother me. It didn’t bother none of us. It was quite clear wild life was down there in the creek, but we had a mission. And I can’t remember ever turning around without accomplishing our mission.
Before I moved away I remember the log collapsing. No longer was it a bridge, but it had turned into a non-floating raft. You could indeed still walk across, but the challenge was gone. “E” doesn’t really remember the collapsed log, she only remembers the one that served as a bridge. She remembers the log that either you were up for the challenge and took your chances, or you weren’t. And I can almost put my life on it that we were the YOUNGEST FEMALES, if not the only females who took the challenge to cross that creek. We saw a better side with great opportunity and so we took our chances. Together. And even when we fell, ok I fell—lol, we got back up and tried again. But we had vision. We saw what we wanted and we went after it. And not once, and not twice……but we kept crossing it to get what we wanted.
This past weekend, “E’s” family had a cookout at her aunt and uncle’s house who still resides in the same house on “the other side”. Well, her uncle still does. Her aunt passed away a couple years ago. But after spending time with her family, “E” called me and said……. “Guess what I did today???” I was guessing everything but what it really was. I was like…..what, you went to church; what, you called so-and-so. Then finally she said…… “I went looking for the log.” After 30 years, “E” went looking for that darn log--lol. She told me that it is indeed gone. In fact, she said that there is a fence that blocks the apartment residents from crossing into the other side.
After we hung up, I started reminiscing and too thinking about all the life lessons that came out of crossing that log from faith to determination to persistence to preparation to facing our fears to teamwork to friendship to soooo many lessons. Then I thought about how disappointed I felt when “E” told me about the fence. I mean, is it really necessary. C’mon….Seat Pleasant is all one big hood now anyway. What are you really separating!! I mean, seriously—lol. But then I thought again and said to myself…… “oh, we would have climbed that fence.”
……..but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus. -- Philippians 3:13-14
Me, “T”, “E”, and another tag-a-long friend “K” had to be around 8 years old when we discovered the log. Seriously, it used to be a group of us girls playing together, but to the life of me I only remember the four of us at the log. I’m sure there were lots of times when more than the four of us crossed the log, but it was those light bulb moments when only the four of us were there.
Our apartment complex, as I mentioned in other entries, wasn’t that big. There were 11 garden-style buildings that made up the entire complex. Me, “T”, and “E’s” buildings were connected together in the most popular section referred to as the “court”. The court sat smack dab in the middle of the complex. Behind the complex was a streaming creek that ran from Sheriff Rd. thru George Palmer Hwy and ended somewhere just before Central Avenue. In relating terms…..the creek ran for a good 7-10 miles.
On the other side of the creek was a community of semi-detached homes. Just the other night, me and “E” talked about how we always thought that the neighborhood across the creek was for well-to-do folk. Lawns were nicely manicured and everybody seemed to have a car parked on their side of the driveway. They just seemed to be living. Ironically, “E’s” aunt and uncle had a home over in that neighborhood and often we’d visit because their house always had some type of family function.
But that side of the creek just always seemed to fascinate us. For one, they had the basketball court where all the cute guys hung out. We weren’t into boys back then, we were too young, but there always seemed to be a sense of security being around the basketball court. But another thing we liked was that the candy lady lived in one of the houses. She had sour pickles and all flavored Now Laters. But I guess our favorite reason we liked going to the other side was because they had the best playground. All of their swing sets had swings. And their seesaw wasn’t missing handles. And they had a covered shelter just in case it rained. Many days we’d sit under the shelter and just talked or played hand games (remember……SLIIIDE).
The view from each one of our apartments looked over the creek and into the other side. I remember clearly that one of the best views was at night when the basketball court was fully lit and all the “big boys” would be playing ball. Just having clean fun. The view on the other side was really nice. Day or night. Ok, I ain’t saying that we lived in a dump, but compared to the other side it was quite obvious that those who lived in the apartments were just getting by. I mean, most of our mother’s were single and living on the system, and those who weren’t I’m sure only had temporary plans for being there. But we made the best of what we had. We never got bored. Even on our piece of playground we had lots of fun. But we had something the other side didn’t have…..the pool (might I add that we are all great swimmers today because of that pissy pool—lol). But the pool only gave us fun for a good 3 months out the year. We had to be creative during our playtime. And so that’s when we discovered “the log”.
You know, me and “E” were trying to figure out when we actually discovered the log. I don’t really remember. All I remember is that lightening LITERALLY bolted from the sky, struck a huge tree which caused it to fall across the creek from the other side to our side. One day I guess we were playing house down by the creek as we did often and discovered that the log could get us to the other side.
The way the log was situated couldn’t have been more perfect. The log was located right behind the court. In pre-log days, in order to get to the other side we would have to walk around the long way. That is…..walk down to George Palmer Hwy and cross over the little trail. But the log cut all of that hiking out. All we had to do was walk around behind my building and try our best to walk down the dirt hill without tumbling into the streaming water. Many days we’d all hold hands and walk down together. Cause if one fell, we all fell. The log became the short-cut for EVERYBODY. It became so famous that all of the ballers would just run across it to get to the basketball court.
Then one day. One day. One day.
One day, the four of us wanted to go to the playground on the other side and so we decided to cross the log. But we were too young to walk across like the big boys. So what we did was sat on the log with both our legs hanging on each side of the log and we scooted across. Scooting slowly across became the norm for us. But one day, we were almost across, probably in the middle, and these boys from the other side started messing with us and shook the log while we were on it. I think that was the first group fear that we’d experienced. Wait a minute……no probably the haunted house at McDonalds—lol. But being stuck on that log was a very fearful experience. But we stuck together until the boys left us alone. And we didn’t turn around. We kept scooting to our destination.
But then one day---in which says a lot about my character today---we decided that we wanted to walk across the log. Me and “E” were discussing this the other night. And so I asked her, cause I couldn’t remember--lol, but I asked her who was the first to walk across. And she says…… “Jill, you know it was you!” But then I did remember. I remember when I walked across the log. But right before I had made it across, I fell. I fell off the log and into the muddy water. “E” said that I said I fell cause I saw a monkey---lol. I don’t quite remember that…..but I do remember falling. But I got back up. Actually, I remember walking down the creek until I found an opening to climb to land. And guess what……I wasn’t looking for the opening that led back home. Nope. It was an opening on the other side. But that says so much about my character today. I can make it almost there (in whatever situation), but then fall off. I fall off right before reaching the finish line. But I get back up and I try again. This says a lot about me today.
By the time we were 10, we were almost running across that log. I remember distinctly all of us having jelly shoes. I had red ones. I loved those things---lol. But not when it was really hot outside cause those things would soften on your feet like hot wax—lol. But it was understood that if we were crossing the log to get to the other side, we had to change our shoes. We had to put on our tennis shoes. Our Kinney Kapers. Many times our feet slipped off the log causing some very painful situations. But that didn’t stop us. Neither did all of the rodents and reptiles down in that nasty creek. I can’t stand the outdoors now-lol. That’s one thing that me and [my friend] have both determined…..we’re not campers and we do not do the great outdoors--lol. But back then it didn’t bother me. It didn’t bother none of us. It was quite clear wild life was down there in the creek, but we had a mission. And I can’t remember ever turning around without accomplishing our mission.
Before I moved away I remember the log collapsing. No longer was it a bridge, but it had turned into a non-floating raft. You could indeed still walk across, but the challenge was gone. “E” doesn’t really remember the collapsed log, she only remembers the one that served as a bridge. She remembers the log that either you were up for the challenge and took your chances, or you weren’t. And I can almost put my life on it that we were the YOUNGEST FEMALES, if not the only females who took the challenge to cross that creek. We saw a better side with great opportunity and so we took our chances. Together. And even when we fell, ok I fell—lol, we got back up and tried again. But we had vision. We saw what we wanted and we went after it. And not once, and not twice……but we kept crossing it to get what we wanted.
This past weekend, “E’s” family had a cookout at her aunt and uncle’s house who still resides in the same house on “the other side”. Well, her uncle still does. Her aunt passed away a couple years ago. But after spending time with her family, “E” called me and said……. “Guess what I did today???” I was guessing everything but what it really was. I was like…..what, you went to church; what, you called so-and-so. Then finally she said…… “I went looking for the log.” After 30 years, “E” went looking for that darn log--lol. She told me that it is indeed gone. In fact, she said that there is a fence that blocks the apartment residents from crossing into the other side.
After we hung up, I started reminiscing and too thinking about all the life lessons that came out of crossing that log from faith to determination to persistence to preparation to facing our fears to teamwork to friendship to soooo many lessons. Then I thought about how disappointed I felt when “E” told me about the fence. I mean, is it really necessary. C’mon….Seat Pleasant is all one big hood now anyway. What are you really separating!! I mean, seriously—lol. But then I thought again and said to myself…… “oh, we would have climbed that fence.”
……..but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus. -- Philippians 3:13-14
Saturday, August 22, 2009
With These Hands......
Can I just say that I really hate going to the nail salon. Its just such an inconvenience to me. I really don’t know what the real reason for me not liking to go other than…….I don’t like to go.
So yesterday I forced myself to go and get my nails done cause I needed a fill-in some kinda bad. I’m not one of those acrylic nail girls with the bright colors and designs. Nope. I do a basic sheer neutral, with short-length square shape and rounded on the corners. To the average looker it would seem that I have long nails, but in actuality I have long fingers.
So I sat down with my regular nail technician and he did the usual before getting started….complimented me on my hands. He told me, “Jill you are still champion!!” “You have most beautiful hands out of all customers!!” “Just beautiful”. I smiled. In my head I was like yeah, yeah they probably tell all of their customers this. Then I thought, he probably just remember how well I tip so he’ll tell me anything to get my $25.
After he’d finished, and after I got a pedicure, I went to the back to sit under the nail dryer. A few minutes later a middle-aged Black woman sits across from me. She smiled but didn’t say anything. It was clear that we were both just trying to get dried so we could go on about our real duties. But just as we were both squirming in our seats, the nail technician came to the back and told the lady……. “This is Jill.” “This is the lady I always talk about hands.” I looked up like….huh. Then the lady perks up and says….. “Oh…so you’re Jill!!!” When the technician left the lady told me that all the technicians talk about my hands all the time. I was like “Shut-up!!” I couldn’t believe it. Cause to be honest I didn’t even know they knew my name. And out of all their many customers they remember my name and my hands. Wow. Here I thought dude was just trying to patronize me.
Over the years, I’ve heard it more than enough times that I should be a hand model. I have a girlfriend that tells me I’m missing my calling and that I should contact a modeling agency before I get any older. It goes in one ear and out the other. Granted, I’m not blind. I do realize that I have beautiful hands, but to be honest…..I’m not that vain. I mean, the Lord has blessed me with several standout features but I’m quite sure that what He blessed me with is for specific purposes to glorify Him and not for public display.
That reminds me of one time at my old church the congregation was standing and lifting our hands in corporate prayer and this lady sitting behind me tapped me on the shoulder and asked what color nail polish I had on. YES WHILE WE WERE PRAYING!!! I couldn’t believe it. It is for that very reason that I stopped wearing colored nail polish to church. And we ain’t even gonna talk about on the toes. If I must wear open toe shoes to church…..in which I try my absolute best not to….I most definitely am going with a neutral on the toes. I NEVER wear red polish on my toes anyway (a childhood issue that I won’t bring up in this entry), but I love the way orange shades look on my feet.
My family was brought up in a church where no open toe shoes were allowed and we had to wear stockings. If it was the summer and the temperature was hitting 100 degrees…then we wore knee-hi’s. But we had to cover our legs and we had to cover our feet. Though very old school traditions, those are traditions that I still hold firm to today. Me and my girlfriend had a conversation the other day because she asked if I wore sandals to work and I said….absolutely not. Nothing against anybody else, other than I can’t stand to see women wearing flip flops to the office, but for me…..I just don’t feel comfortable doing it. I mean, I gotta admit…..I don’t do the stockings thing. I even made it clear that I will be a bride that will not be wearing stockings on my wedding day and yes…..I do plan on getting married in the church. But its just something about stockings that do not agree with my legs. As soon as I put them on I get a run. So its best that me and stockings stay at a decent distance from on another--lol.
But I try my best to wear my feet covered--that is not wearing open toe shoes in certain places. Don't get me wrong...I'm a sandal wearer and LOVE to wear my feet out. But it’s just been over the last two years or so that I have worn open toe shoes to church. And its more that I feel a little comfortable wearing them because I see my first lady wearing them. But I keep it more reserved and not......bam, look at my feet!!! I’m understanding more and more that hands and feet can be very seductive and so I am very mindful of how I carry both.
Back to my hands. You know its just been in the last few months or so that I realize that my ministry is in my hands. Blogging does no justice at how I use my hands. Ok, I take that back cause obviously my little journaling is doing something cause the email replies that I’m getting are amazing. Just to think……I’m only talking about my little daily living. But other than blogging, I can write a mean proposal, design beautiful programs and booklets, and those who are fortunate enough to get my personal letters know that I can pull a tear or two out a reader. But I’m accepting that the Lord has put a powerful gift in my hands. And so I am being very conscious of how I use my hands.
You know what’s funny? Every now and again when the devil is mad at me cause he sees something good coming down the pike for me I find myself hurting my hands. It could be the most haphazard situation. For instance, I have a sore on the top of my hand that happened about a month ago. I was coming out of the elevator and tried to prevent the doors from closing cause someone was trying to catch it and my right hand got scratched. I had no idea that two weeks after I got the scratch my pastor would ask me to put together a proposal for him.
My eyes are opened now. Really opened. Cause I think of all the lustful things I’ve done with my hands---just being honest here---and how the devil just tried to destroy the tool in which the Lord put power in. Even going as far as to convince me that my hands should be displayed on a picture having no real use. My pastor was right. At the beginning of the year he told me that this year things will begin to be so much clearer for me. And I’m seeing clearer more and more every day.
Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands, just as we told you, so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody. --1 Thessalonians 4:10-12
From the fruit of his lips a man is filled with good things as surely as the work of his hands rewards him. --Proverbs 12:14
So yesterday I forced myself to go and get my nails done cause I needed a fill-in some kinda bad. I’m not one of those acrylic nail girls with the bright colors and designs. Nope. I do a basic sheer neutral, with short-length square shape and rounded on the corners. To the average looker it would seem that I have long nails, but in actuality I have long fingers.
So I sat down with my regular nail technician and he did the usual before getting started….complimented me on my hands. He told me, “Jill you are still champion!!” “You have most beautiful hands out of all customers!!” “Just beautiful”. I smiled. In my head I was like yeah, yeah they probably tell all of their customers this. Then I thought, he probably just remember how well I tip so he’ll tell me anything to get my $25.
After he’d finished, and after I got a pedicure, I went to the back to sit under the nail dryer. A few minutes later a middle-aged Black woman sits across from me. She smiled but didn’t say anything. It was clear that we were both just trying to get dried so we could go on about our real duties. But just as we were both squirming in our seats, the nail technician came to the back and told the lady……. “This is Jill.” “This is the lady I always talk about hands.” I looked up like….huh. Then the lady perks up and says….. “Oh…so you’re Jill!!!” When the technician left the lady told me that all the technicians talk about my hands all the time. I was like “Shut-up!!” I couldn’t believe it. Cause to be honest I didn’t even know they knew my name. And out of all their many customers they remember my name and my hands. Wow. Here I thought dude was just trying to patronize me.
Over the years, I’ve heard it more than enough times that I should be a hand model. I have a girlfriend that tells me I’m missing my calling and that I should contact a modeling agency before I get any older. It goes in one ear and out the other. Granted, I’m not blind. I do realize that I have beautiful hands, but to be honest…..I’m not that vain. I mean, the Lord has blessed me with several standout features but I’m quite sure that what He blessed me with is for specific purposes to glorify Him and not for public display.
That reminds me of one time at my old church the congregation was standing and lifting our hands in corporate prayer and this lady sitting behind me tapped me on the shoulder and asked what color nail polish I had on. YES WHILE WE WERE PRAYING!!! I couldn’t believe it. It is for that very reason that I stopped wearing colored nail polish to church. And we ain’t even gonna talk about on the toes. If I must wear open toe shoes to church…..in which I try my absolute best not to….I most definitely am going with a neutral on the toes. I NEVER wear red polish on my toes anyway (a childhood issue that I won’t bring up in this entry), but I love the way orange shades look on my feet.
My family was brought up in a church where no open toe shoes were allowed and we had to wear stockings. If it was the summer and the temperature was hitting 100 degrees…then we wore knee-hi’s. But we had to cover our legs and we had to cover our feet. Though very old school traditions, those are traditions that I still hold firm to today. Me and my girlfriend had a conversation the other day because she asked if I wore sandals to work and I said….absolutely not. Nothing against anybody else, other than I can’t stand to see women wearing flip flops to the office, but for me…..I just don’t feel comfortable doing it. I mean, I gotta admit…..I don’t do the stockings thing. I even made it clear that I will be a bride that will not be wearing stockings on my wedding day and yes…..I do plan on getting married in the church. But its just something about stockings that do not agree with my legs. As soon as I put them on I get a run. So its best that me and stockings stay at a decent distance from on another--lol.
But I try my best to wear my feet covered--that is not wearing open toe shoes in certain places. Don't get me wrong...I'm a sandal wearer and LOVE to wear my feet out. But it’s just been over the last two years or so that I have worn open toe shoes to church. And its more that I feel a little comfortable wearing them because I see my first lady wearing them. But I keep it more reserved and not......bam, look at my feet!!! I’m understanding more and more that hands and feet can be very seductive and so I am very mindful of how I carry both.
Back to my hands. You know its just been in the last few months or so that I realize that my ministry is in my hands. Blogging does no justice at how I use my hands. Ok, I take that back cause obviously my little journaling is doing something cause the email replies that I’m getting are amazing. Just to think……I’m only talking about my little daily living. But other than blogging, I can write a mean proposal, design beautiful programs and booklets, and those who are fortunate enough to get my personal letters know that I can pull a tear or two out a reader. But I’m accepting that the Lord has put a powerful gift in my hands. And so I am being very conscious of how I use my hands.
You know what’s funny? Every now and again when the devil is mad at me cause he sees something good coming down the pike for me I find myself hurting my hands. It could be the most haphazard situation. For instance, I have a sore on the top of my hand that happened about a month ago. I was coming out of the elevator and tried to prevent the doors from closing cause someone was trying to catch it and my right hand got scratched. I had no idea that two weeks after I got the scratch my pastor would ask me to put together a proposal for him.
My eyes are opened now. Really opened. Cause I think of all the lustful things I’ve done with my hands---just being honest here---and how the devil just tried to destroy the tool in which the Lord put power in. Even going as far as to convince me that my hands should be displayed on a picture having no real use. My pastor was right. At the beginning of the year he told me that this year things will begin to be so much clearer for me. And I’m seeing clearer more and more every day.
Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands, just as we told you, so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody. --1 Thessalonians 4:10-12
From the fruit of his lips a man is filled with good things as surely as the work of his hands rewards him. --Proverbs 12:14
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Parked in Neutral
Wow. Wasn’t gonna speak about this topic because it is a very touchy one and one that is very personal. But over the last week I have been a part of several situations in which this topic has presented itself. It’s the topic of TRIANGULATION. You know…….when three people are involved in a situation and two of the people are at odds, and the third is left to flow whichever way the wind blows. Ok, let me clarify. The situations in which I’ve experienced this week is not at all about cattyness, just issues in which grown woman---or should I say godly woman---decisions had to be made and/or given.
Throughout my life I’ve been on all sides of triangulation. One of the most hurting sides of triangulation, in which just up until the last five years or so have tried to take me out, is the low end side. YESSSS, satan’s scheme was so strong that it tried to destroy me cause I wasn’t equipped enough to destroy him. Since I was a teen I was subjected to a family member who showed blatant favoritism over me to other cousins in the family. For years I tried to figure it out, often times reacting out of anger causing deeper tension in the family. And for years I blamed my cousins who actually had nothing to do with the situation. They were actually the neutral party.
Growing up I didn’t understand that. I just knew that whatever I did or said just would not measure up. And whatever they did was accepted with open arms. I was held accountable for "being me". Not realizing years later, after fully accepting who I am, being me became very instrumental in my life's accomplishments. But yes, it was very hurtful stuff. And yes…….unfortunately this demonic force even went well into my thirties. But it wasn’t until I figured out the power of God’s love and how His love teaches how to forgive that satan’s little plans had to cease. I remember the day that I released that family member and truly forgave in my heart. I haven’t had any problems since. Ok let me clarify…..satan’s little weapons no longer prospers against me. LOL-let me just make that clear.
But I’ve also been on the other side of triangulation. The side in which I was the favored. The high end of triangulation. Back in the nineties I was doing public relations for the entertainment industry and was making a name for myself producing good work. And so I was approached by the manager of a then up-and-coming R&B boy band to do some image development, branding, and publicity for the guys. The job seemed doable so I gladly hopped on board. Immediately, the guys took a liken to me. They were in their early twenties and I was a couple years older and so I not only acted as their publicist, but also their big sister. Me and the guys would go EVERYWHERE together. Just me and a bunch of guys. Many times we’d spend the night in the studio recording songs and they’d want my feedback and advice. I’ve always had a keen ear to music and so my advice, even to some of the areas top producers, was always taken seriously. On top of that, since I had my own little connections, I’d hook them up with private auditions going well outside of my PR duties.
Then one day the guys called me on 3-way and said that they came to a decision that I would be more suited to be their manager than……their manager. I clearly understood where they were coming from because working with them for over a year I witnessed some shabby business practices in which their manager had sole discretion over. The guys expressed their frustration and asked if I would take on the responsibility. Me having a very good rapport and relationship with their manager, I had no idea what to say and how to go about the transition. I too was still young. But I never forget that during that time was when Yolanda Adam’s song, Open My Heart, was out and so after I hung up with them I played that song over and over until I decided that yes I would do it.
When their manager received the news it was ugly. I didn’t know what to say, how to react, or how to proceed. But it was clear from the guys that if they didn’t make this move with me then they’d be moving on to another manager. I certainly didn’t want that. Cause we had all formed such a bond. And so it was very ugly. Here this guy developed these boys from young teens and now that they grew into their manhood they felt the need to flex their power. That’s how the entertainment business operates. And so that’s how we proceeded. Of course the friendship/business relationship I had with their former manager ceased. And of course I, being on the other side, felt really awkward. Cause he and I, though we didn’t always see eye-to-eye, we worked very well together. There was definitely a balance. But not even two years later, just before the guys were booked to perform in the Virgin Islands at the Jazz Fest, I received an opportunity to do PR for several Gospel artist and so I decided to give up artist management and follow my passion.
As I said, I’ve been on all sides of triangulation. Its been a really long time since I’ve been on the “choose me or them” side cause even now when situations like that occur I be the first to pull out. Cause really, it ain’t that serious. In the grand scheme of MY LIFE, I have the choice not no one else. But over the last few years the side that has become the most difficult is the neutral party side. Being the neutral party will ALWAYS question your loyalty and character.
Ok, I may get darts thrown at me for this one, but I feel the strong need to share in order to get my point across. Ok, so a few years back, I found out that one of my best girlfriends was seeing the same man as one of my “probationary” girlfriends. It was funny how it happened, but I put two and two together and realized that both girlfriends had been bragging to me about the same dude. When I found out I was actually having a phone conversation with my “probationary” girlfriend. I say probationary because she and I had been college buddies in undergrad and was trying to develop a friendship outside of the only thing we had in common. And so if you know me you know that friendship is a building process for me.
Anyway, so I was on the phone with my probationary girlfriend and she made mention of a situation in which my best girlfriend had mentioned to me prior. And so I started inquiring and sure enough it was the same dude. My probationary girlfriend was quite upset and so she immediately put “her boyfriend” on the 3-way and of course he denied any other relationship outside of her. He did, however, acknowledge that he knew my best girlfriend and assured her that there was absolutely no feelings involved (yeah, yeah).
I couldn’t hang up fast enough before I called my best girlfriend. And what I expected was clearly not what happened. As I was telling my girlfriend about the situation I heard a cold tone. To make a long story real short……..I was blamed for being a disloyal friend. Because my best girlfriend felt that since she and I had known each other for close to twenty-five years I should have………ok, it wasn’t clear what she felt I should have done. But bottomline, she questioned my loyalty. She felt that I should have cut off my friendship with the other. But then I thought about it. Both of these girls had been very instrumental in my life; nothing short of a blessing. I’ve laughed, cried, struggled, and triumphed with BOTH. And so I made the decision to stand firm in maintaining both as my friends. My probationary girlfriend understood wholeheartedly. In fact, she was very turned off by dude after that and so their relationship suffered. But my best girlfriend, for whatever reason, blamed me for dude’s game and so she decided to break our friendship. I was totally shocked……..but I knew I wasn’t the wrong one and so I shut the door behind her exit.
This week a few situations have come up where being the neutral party was placed in HIGH-TEST mode. These were situations involving siblings and their exes (deep breath). Ok, can I just say that…………ok, I really don’t know what the heck to say (lol). Ummm, relationships come and some relationships go. But I guess my question is…….just because a sibling is now handling an ex relationship/friendship with a long-handed spoon (in some case a darn shovel--lol) do the neutral parties have to be conformed to the changes???? I mean, over the years some of us have ridden the roller coaster more times than we cared to. And can I just say that a sistah is TIRED.
But aside from all the drama, I gotta say…..I love ALL of my siblings’ exes. YES…….ok wait let me think (lol)………YES I LOVE THEM ALL!!! In some way they have had an impact on my life that is not easily broken. Many of them just for giving me absolutely beautiful nieces and nephews. And so to me……..those exes will always be a part. No need to question. They come with the package. I mean, unless they have done something personally to ME, there is no reason to make a decision to cut the relationship. Ok, wait a minute….let me rephrase this……I mean, if they did something detrimental to me OR my sibling YES there will be problems--lol. Cause I ain’t got no problem confronting a situation if one of us is deeply hurting. But normal relationship crap……nope ain’t strong enough to break the bond. And I don’t feel the need to get involved.
Even when me and my sister was about to jump my sister’s ex while vacationing in California cause he broke bad with the both of us (this was YEARS ago--lol) we squashed our differences before we got on the plane. Cause God forbid the plane would have gone down on our wrath…umph. From that sister’s relationship alone, I still claim three brother-in-laws. (Deep breath) the things are heart make us do--lol.
Ok, but now the issue comes with the newbie. Hmmmmmmm. How in the world do we embrace the new while preserving the old?????? I mean, I’m fine with it. But why do we have to be put in the situation of feeling disloyal?????? You know what I’ve come to realize, and this ain’t pointing no fingers its just really knowing me and my loved ones true heart and motives, the insecurity 9 times out of 10 comes from the ex. A couple of days ago I was having a good conversation with my sister’s ex concerning my nephew. And my ex brother-in-law made some comments about my current brother-in-law that were uncalled for. And so, loving both dudes, I almost felt like I had a gag order in place for speaking my true feelings. Cause I didn’t want my ex brother-in-law to feel slighted.
But then I thought to myself……… “heck no!!!!” I will not allow their silent feud to gag me. It ain’t fair. It shows that I can’t be genuine and honest with a person that I call my brother. And aside from that.......anybody should have the right to express their true feelings in a relationship without worrying if the relationship would suffer. And so I said what I had to say, and although not immediately accepted, it really opened up a good dialog from there. We ended up talking for a good two hours after that. Even getting my crazy sister on the line to put in her little two cents.
But I guess my question is……..do we really have to choose one over the other????? Do we really have to forfeit one relationship in exchange for the other???? Prior to writing this entry I thought about this thing long and hard. I mean, I would be hurt if my husband’s family told me that they have decided to maintain all loyalty to my husband’s ex because that’s who was there first, and that’s who they’ve built the relationship with first. To be frank…..that to me is a relationship breaker. My profession is in marriage education and one of the biggest conflicts in a marriage is IN-LAWS. And knowing how I was unfavored growing up, the first thing I would think if my children went to my in-laws is.......are they being treated fairly. No one should have to feel this way with family. NO ONE. And it just really hurts my heart to know that children are forced to be victims to adults negativity.
Even typing this is hurting. I mean…….can’t we just all get along!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Seriously. It just goes back to who is really having the control in this. Is it the family or the ex or the newbie. If there is a true love and understanding between the ex and the family, then the ex has got to know that he/she will ALWAYS be loved (ESPECIALLY when children are involved) and that the family have enough room to love others as well. Regardless of the situation and how the newbie came to be. Embracing the newbie has nothing at all to do with the ex. It actually has nothing to do with the sibling. It really has to do with God placing people in your path for whatever reason. I would hate to get to heaven and the Lord says to me…….your sister’s boyfriend who you failed to embrace was sent by me to fulfill that missing link in your purpose in which you didn‘t complete on earth. It hurts me to think about this. We don’t know how God is going to use people in our lives. Or better yet.......how we are to be used in other people's lives.
One of my good associates is the ex girlfriend of a guy who I'd been talking to for years. Back then when I found out that he was dating her I was floored. But I ended up running into her on the metro and she knew of my family and so she approached me. She and I had a very nice conversation. Then I ran into her at a wedding and I discovered that she was a photographer. No, she and I do not speak to each other on a daily basis now, we will email each other every couple of years, but back when I was doing PR she did a few headshots for my guys. And it was only because I decided to pull my guards down that she and I developed a really good relationship. One of the gigs that she did for me turned into a lucrative deal for her. I have many of those, pulling my guards down to embrace God's plan stories. Ummmm..........my God-daughter.
Soooooooo……….its for this reason that I’ve decided to continue standing firm in neutral. All of this triangulation stuff has been a constant life lesson for me. And because of it I’m learning how to be a better sister, friend, and auntie to all of my nieces and nephews. I treat them ALL fairly. And when each are in my company they get that one-on-one treatment. That’s how my grandparents demonstrated their love to us. They have 17 grandchildren and they made it clear that they had enough love for each one of us. I stand firm on what they taught. I’m not blocking God’s flow for NOBODY’S insecurity. I refuse to block who and what God places in my path. I REFUSE. And I’m standing firm. And that goes for the old and the new.
Oh, I dare not end this entry without mentioning that my best girlfriend and I mended our differences. As I said, I was standing firm on neutral and will continue to stand firm. But she realized that some loser was not worth a lifelong friendship. It took a couple of years but we have rebuilt. Cause what God has ordained NOBODY can block. At least not if two of us are in agreement.
Give to everyone who asks of you. And from him who takes away your goods do not ask them back. And just as you want men to do to you, you also do to them likewise. “But if you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. And if you lend to those from whom you hope to receive back, what credit is that to you? For even sinners lend to sinners to receive as much back. But love your enemies, do good, and lend, hoping for nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High. For He is kind to the unthankful and evil. --Luke 6:30-35
Throughout my life I’ve been on all sides of triangulation. One of the most hurting sides of triangulation, in which just up until the last five years or so have tried to take me out, is the low end side. YESSSS, satan’s scheme was so strong that it tried to destroy me cause I wasn’t equipped enough to destroy him. Since I was a teen I was subjected to a family member who showed blatant favoritism over me to other cousins in the family. For years I tried to figure it out, often times reacting out of anger causing deeper tension in the family. And for years I blamed my cousins who actually had nothing to do with the situation. They were actually the neutral party.
Growing up I didn’t understand that. I just knew that whatever I did or said just would not measure up. And whatever they did was accepted with open arms. I was held accountable for "being me". Not realizing years later, after fully accepting who I am, being me became very instrumental in my life's accomplishments. But yes, it was very hurtful stuff. And yes…….unfortunately this demonic force even went well into my thirties. But it wasn’t until I figured out the power of God’s love and how His love teaches how to forgive that satan’s little plans had to cease. I remember the day that I released that family member and truly forgave in my heart. I haven’t had any problems since. Ok let me clarify…..satan’s little weapons no longer prospers against me. LOL-let me just make that clear.
But I’ve also been on the other side of triangulation. The side in which I was the favored. The high end of triangulation. Back in the nineties I was doing public relations for the entertainment industry and was making a name for myself producing good work. And so I was approached by the manager of a then up-and-coming R&B boy band to do some image development, branding, and publicity for the guys. The job seemed doable so I gladly hopped on board. Immediately, the guys took a liken to me. They were in their early twenties and I was a couple years older and so I not only acted as their publicist, but also their big sister. Me and the guys would go EVERYWHERE together. Just me and a bunch of guys. Many times we’d spend the night in the studio recording songs and they’d want my feedback and advice. I’ve always had a keen ear to music and so my advice, even to some of the areas top producers, was always taken seriously. On top of that, since I had my own little connections, I’d hook them up with private auditions going well outside of my PR duties.
Then one day the guys called me on 3-way and said that they came to a decision that I would be more suited to be their manager than……their manager. I clearly understood where they were coming from because working with them for over a year I witnessed some shabby business practices in which their manager had sole discretion over. The guys expressed their frustration and asked if I would take on the responsibility. Me having a very good rapport and relationship with their manager, I had no idea what to say and how to go about the transition. I too was still young. But I never forget that during that time was when Yolanda Adam’s song, Open My Heart, was out and so after I hung up with them I played that song over and over until I decided that yes I would do it.
When their manager received the news it was ugly. I didn’t know what to say, how to react, or how to proceed. But it was clear from the guys that if they didn’t make this move with me then they’d be moving on to another manager. I certainly didn’t want that. Cause we had all formed such a bond. And so it was very ugly. Here this guy developed these boys from young teens and now that they grew into their manhood they felt the need to flex their power. That’s how the entertainment business operates. And so that’s how we proceeded. Of course the friendship/business relationship I had with their former manager ceased. And of course I, being on the other side, felt really awkward. Cause he and I, though we didn’t always see eye-to-eye, we worked very well together. There was definitely a balance. But not even two years later, just before the guys were booked to perform in the Virgin Islands at the Jazz Fest, I received an opportunity to do PR for several Gospel artist and so I decided to give up artist management and follow my passion.
As I said, I’ve been on all sides of triangulation. Its been a really long time since I’ve been on the “choose me or them” side cause even now when situations like that occur I be the first to pull out. Cause really, it ain’t that serious. In the grand scheme of MY LIFE, I have the choice not no one else. But over the last few years the side that has become the most difficult is the neutral party side. Being the neutral party will ALWAYS question your loyalty and character.
Ok, I may get darts thrown at me for this one, but I feel the strong need to share in order to get my point across. Ok, so a few years back, I found out that one of my best girlfriends was seeing the same man as one of my “probationary” girlfriends. It was funny how it happened, but I put two and two together and realized that both girlfriends had been bragging to me about the same dude. When I found out I was actually having a phone conversation with my “probationary” girlfriend. I say probationary because she and I had been college buddies in undergrad and was trying to develop a friendship outside of the only thing we had in common. And so if you know me you know that friendship is a building process for me.
Anyway, so I was on the phone with my probationary girlfriend and she made mention of a situation in which my best girlfriend had mentioned to me prior. And so I started inquiring and sure enough it was the same dude. My probationary girlfriend was quite upset and so she immediately put “her boyfriend” on the 3-way and of course he denied any other relationship outside of her. He did, however, acknowledge that he knew my best girlfriend and assured her that there was absolutely no feelings involved (yeah, yeah).
I couldn’t hang up fast enough before I called my best girlfriend. And what I expected was clearly not what happened. As I was telling my girlfriend about the situation I heard a cold tone. To make a long story real short……..I was blamed for being a disloyal friend. Because my best girlfriend felt that since she and I had known each other for close to twenty-five years I should have………ok, it wasn’t clear what she felt I should have done. But bottomline, she questioned my loyalty. She felt that I should have cut off my friendship with the other. But then I thought about it. Both of these girls had been very instrumental in my life; nothing short of a blessing. I’ve laughed, cried, struggled, and triumphed with BOTH. And so I made the decision to stand firm in maintaining both as my friends. My probationary girlfriend understood wholeheartedly. In fact, she was very turned off by dude after that and so their relationship suffered. But my best girlfriend, for whatever reason, blamed me for dude’s game and so she decided to break our friendship. I was totally shocked……..but I knew I wasn’t the wrong one and so I shut the door behind her exit.
This week a few situations have come up where being the neutral party was placed in HIGH-TEST mode. These were situations involving siblings and their exes (deep breath). Ok, can I just say that…………ok, I really don’t know what the heck to say (lol). Ummm, relationships come and some relationships go. But I guess my question is…….just because a sibling is now handling an ex relationship/friendship with a long-handed spoon (in some case a darn shovel--lol) do the neutral parties have to be conformed to the changes???? I mean, over the years some of us have ridden the roller coaster more times than we cared to. And can I just say that a sistah is TIRED.
But aside from all the drama, I gotta say…..I love ALL of my siblings’ exes. YES…….ok wait let me think (lol)………YES I LOVE THEM ALL!!! In some way they have had an impact on my life that is not easily broken. Many of them just for giving me absolutely beautiful nieces and nephews. And so to me……..those exes will always be a part. No need to question. They come with the package. I mean, unless they have done something personally to ME, there is no reason to make a decision to cut the relationship. Ok, wait a minute….let me rephrase this……I mean, if they did something detrimental to me OR my sibling YES there will be problems--lol. Cause I ain’t got no problem confronting a situation if one of us is deeply hurting. But normal relationship crap……nope ain’t strong enough to break the bond. And I don’t feel the need to get involved.
Even when me and my sister was about to jump my sister’s ex while vacationing in California cause he broke bad with the both of us (this was YEARS ago--lol) we squashed our differences before we got on the plane. Cause God forbid the plane would have gone down on our wrath…umph. From that sister’s relationship alone, I still claim three brother-in-laws. (Deep breath) the things are heart make us do--lol.
Ok, but now the issue comes with the newbie. Hmmmmmmm. How in the world do we embrace the new while preserving the old?????? I mean, I’m fine with it. But why do we have to be put in the situation of feeling disloyal?????? You know what I’ve come to realize, and this ain’t pointing no fingers its just really knowing me and my loved ones true heart and motives, the insecurity 9 times out of 10 comes from the ex. A couple of days ago I was having a good conversation with my sister’s ex concerning my nephew. And my ex brother-in-law made some comments about my current brother-in-law that were uncalled for. And so, loving both dudes, I almost felt like I had a gag order in place for speaking my true feelings. Cause I didn’t want my ex brother-in-law to feel slighted.
But then I thought to myself……… “heck no!!!!” I will not allow their silent feud to gag me. It ain’t fair. It shows that I can’t be genuine and honest with a person that I call my brother. And aside from that.......anybody should have the right to express their true feelings in a relationship without worrying if the relationship would suffer. And so I said what I had to say, and although not immediately accepted, it really opened up a good dialog from there. We ended up talking for a good two hours after that. Even getting my crazy sister on the line to put in her little two cents.
But I guess my question is……..do we really have to choose one over the other????? Do we really have to forfeit one relationship in exchange for the other???? Prior to writing this entry I thought about this thing long and hard. I mean, I would be hurt if my husband’s family told me that they have decided to maintain all loyalty to my husband’s ex because that’s who was there first, and that’s who they’ve built the relationship with first. To be frank…..that to me is a relationship breaker. My profession is in marriage education and one of the biggest conflicts in a marriage is IN-LAWS. And knowing how I was unfavored growing up, the first thing I would think if my children went to my in-laws is.......are they being treated fairly. No one should have to feel this way with family. NO ONE. And it just really hurts my heart to know that children are forced to be victims to adults negativity.
Even typing this is hurting. I mean…….can’t we just all get along!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Seriously. It just goes back to who is really having the control in this. Is it the family or the ex or the newbie. If there is a true love and understanding between the ex and the family, then the ex has got to know that he/she will ALWAYS be loved (ESPECIALLY when children are involved) and that the family have enough room to love others as well. Regardless of the situation and how the newbie came to be. Embracing the newbie has nothing at all to do with the ex. It actually has nothing to do with the sibling. It really has to do with God placing people in your path for whatever reason. I would hate to get to heaven and the Lord says to me…….your sister’s boyfriend who you failed to embrace was sent by me to fulfill that missing link in your purpose in which you didn‘t complete on earth. It hurts me to think about this. We don’t know how God is going to use people in our lives. Or better yet.......how we are to be used in other people's lives.
One of my good associates is the ex girlfriend of a guy who I'd been talking to for years. Back then when I found out that he was dating her I was floored. But I ended up running into her on the metro and she knew of my family and so she approached me. She and I had a very nice conversation. Then I ran into her at a wedding and I discovered that she was a photographer. No, she and I do not speak to each other on a daily basis now, we will email each other every couple of years, but back when I was doing PR she did a few headshots for my guys. And it was only because I decided to pull my guards down that she and I developed a really good relationship. One of the gigs that she did for me turned into a lucrative deal for her. I have many of those, pulling my guards down to embrace God's plan stories. Ummmm..........my God-daughter.
Soooooooo……….its for this reason that I’ve decided to continue standing firm in neutral. All of this triangulation stuff has been a constant life lesson for me. And because of it I’m learning how to be a better sister, friend, and auntie to all of my nieces and nephews. I treat them ALL fairly. And when each are in my company they get that one-on-one treatment. That’s how my grandparents demonstrated their love to us. They have 17 grandchildren and they made it clear that they had enough love for each one of us. I stand firm on what they taught. I’m not blocking God’s flow for NOBODY’S insecurity. I refuse to block who and what God places in my path. I REFUSE. And I’m standing firm. And that goes for the old and the new.
Oh, I dare not end this entry without mentioning that my best girlfriend and I mended our differences. As I said, I was standing firm on neutral and will continue to stand firm. But she realized that some loser was not worth a lifelong friendship. It took a couple of years but we have rebuilt. Cause what God has ordained NOBODY can block. At least not if two of us are in agreement.
Give to everyone who asks of you. And from him who takes away your goods do not ask them back. And just as you want men to do to you, you also do to them likewise. “But if you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. And if you lend to those from whom you hope to receive back, what credit is that to you? For even sinners lend to sinners to receive as much back. But love your enemies, do good, and lend, hoping for nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High. For He is kind to the unthankful and evil. --Luke 6:30-35
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
In Memory of Eunice Kennedy Shriver
I received word this morning that my former boss, the Honorable Eunice Kennedy Shriver, passed away. Wow. What an extraordinary woman.
I met Mrs. Shriver years ago when I was in undergrad studying public relations. A friend of a friend who knew somebody who was professionally connected to a person that worked in the HR department of the Kennedy Foundation was looking for an assistant for Mrs. Shriver. And just like God’s divine order and timing, I was asked if I’d be interested in the position. Its funny because Mrs. Shriver only needed somebody for 3 months to cover her Executive Assistant’s duties while she did some missions work in South Africa. But again, just like divine order…..God gave me favor. Cause I brought not only strong administrative skills to the table but I also knew how to handle the public. This was a plus working for Mrs. Shriver and so I started doing more than what the job called for.
When Mrs. Shriver’s assistant returned from her Africa trip she called to thank me for keeping order in the office, and then she said jokingly…… “I think you’re trying to steal my job.” That joke became a reality because a couple months after that I received a call from HR that Mrs. Shriver’s assistant had resigned and that Mrs. Shriver personally asked for me to take the position. That following Monday I reported downtown for duty.
Wow! I can’t even begin to tell all that I gained working for Mrs. Shriver. Even though I had already built a nice resume, I was young so I went in humbly. I knew that there was a lot to learn from the Kennedy matriarch, and I was so ready to receive. And receiving is what I did. Life lessons that have stuck with me to this day, I learned from working for Mrs. Shriver. Working for her is why to this day my daily prayer is that the Lord will put me at the right place, at the right time, doing the right thing, with the right people, for the right reason according to his perfect will for my life.
One of the first lessons that I learned from working at the Kennedy Foundation was the power of a name. My rolodex had people from Oprah to Dan Rather to Michael Jordan in it. It was nothing for me to call celebrities and say that I had Mrs. Shriver on the line and they’d take the call immediately. One time a friend of the Shrivers had called the office distraught because his daughter had received a rejection letter for admission to Georgetown University. Mrs. Shriver told the friend that she’d handle it. Actually, I handled it..... in her name. I called the Dean of Admissions and within hours---I said HOURS---an acceptance letter was faxed to the girl.
Another lesson that I learned from working for Mrs. Shriver was ain’t nobody trippin off of a diva attitude. I loved the fact that the Kennedy clan didn’t walk around like celebrities. Ted Kennedy would stop in during lunch to eat a half a sandwich and soup with his sister and then would go out and grab a taxi back to the hill. I loved when he stopped in cause most of the youngsters had no idea who he was. And he was so not phased by it. He’d wobble through and wave often times waiting for the receptionist to call me to come out and get him.
Maria [Shriver] the same way. She’d call and say…. “Jill I know you all are busy, but is mother available?” Sometimes as she would wait for her mom to get off of the phone we’d have a conversation. I’d never forget when Maria told me to make sure that I am absolutely ready to be married before taking the plunge. That conversation was way over my head back then, but I heard every word she said and took her advice to heart.
I always say that you can tell the difference between old money and new money cause new money feels the need to make it known. New money is very flashy and arrogant. The Kennedy’s fame and wealth is in their DNA. They don’t trip off of being well-known. In fact, Mrs. Shriver had me book all of her flights commercial in coach. And she insisted that she’d drive her own Cadillac to work, not needing a driver. She thought it a waste of money to hire one. Many times I’d have to send the mailroom guys down to the garage to help Mrs. Shriver bring up groceries for the office. Those would be the days she’d be a little late coming in.
Another lesson was the importance of family. I’m telling you……the Kennedys are the closest Caucasian family I know—lol. I thought Blacks and Latinas were co-dependent on family, but the Kennedys…..wow!! Most of the phone calls during the day would be from Mrs. Shriver’s children or nieces and nephews. They absolutely LOVED their mom and auntie. And grandmother……I thought my grandmother held the BEST GRANDMOTHER AWARD, but Mrs. Shriver gave my grarndmother some competition--lol. Mrs. Shriver took her motherly duties very serious.
My office was adjacent to Mrs. Shriver’s office and one day she buzzed my phone and told me that she had an emergency fax that needed to get out right away. I dropped everything I was doing and ran into her office. I just knew it had something to do with a project we were working on with Tom Brokaw, so I went running. But to my surprise she gave me this handwritten list that said…… “My Birthday Wish List”. She told me to fax it to all of her children immediately. Me and my crazy self looked at her and said…… “Mrs. Shriver this is your emergency!” She looked at me and said….. “Just do what I said Jill!” And I did. Cause she could be very, very feisty. I remember there were five items next to each of her five children’s names. And the first two items were……new patio furniture and a cashmere coat. I couldn’t believe it. But you’d better believe that she got everything she asked her children for on her wish list. Cause they'd die for their momma.
Another lesson is the importance of home. Ok, let me make this official. It was because of working for Mrs. Shriver that I took an interest in real estate and eventually got my license. When I came on board, the Shrivers were in transition because a couple months prior their home in the Potomac had caught fire and so they had to live temporarily at a home in Chevy Chase. A major part of my job was helping them transition back into their Potomac home. I’d coordinate and arrange with the interior decorator, the movers, the landscapers, etc. Daily we would get phone calls from realtors who were interested in selling either of the homes. And one day, I took it upon myself to inquire why there was such a big interest. I got the right realtor on the line and he broke it down to me. Unfortunately, they weren’t interested in selling but it helped me learn a few real estate techniques dealing with distinguished properties.
But Mrs. Shriver made sure that her homes were the center of life. There have been several media pieces done on the Shrivers and their Potomac home. One I remember was Mrs. Shriver, in her later years, playing soccer with her grandchildren on the front lawn. Yes, she had to be eighty years old when that article came out a couple of years ago. But she was kicking the ball in her nice manicured yard. And fresh flowers were delivered to the home on a weekly basis. And the home itself…….just impeccable. I remember having to make sure that the Safeway invoices were paid. No, no, no……the Shrivers didn’t have to go to the grocery store. Their housekeeper would call in the groceries and they’d be delivered from the Safeway up on Wisconsin Avenue. Talk about living. What I’d do to stay out that darn Giant!
Another lesson was the importance of being good to people. One day Mrs. Shriver had to catch an emergency flight out to see her sister. But it was the day that a 5th grade class had scheduled a field trip at the Kennedy Foundation as part of a history lesson. When they arrived they were so disappointed that Mrs. Shriver wasn’t there. And not so much because she was a former President’s sister, but more because she was Arnold Schwarzenegger’s mother-in-law--lol. But they were so disappointed. And other than taking them to see Sarge, Mrs. Shriver’s husband who is simply THE BEST, I needed to figure out how to make their trip worthwhile. So what I did was made each student a press kit with all kinds of pictures and stuff and told them that Mrs. Shriver was so distraught that she had to miss them that she wanted them to have something very special. A couple of weeks later, the teacher wrote me a letter thanking me for the kind gesture and said that it was the highlight of the trip. The funny thing is that I had to arrange for more press kits to be made since it wasn’t in the plan to give out 25 to children, but I felt I had to do what I had to do. Who knows….one of those children could be inspired enough to be our next president.
About a year or so into working for Mrs. Shriver I had to make a tough decision. I was in my senior year in undergrad and had to do a 30-hour a week internship. I had applied to several public relations firms, media outlets, and so forth. And with the help of Mrs. Shriver I could have interned just about anywhere in the is country that I wanted to. But there was an opportunity that came through that I just could not pass up. It was working in the PR department of the Recording Industry Association of America. On my last day working for Mrs. Shriver, she gave me her daughter’s, Maria Shriver, book and wrote something in there that would change my perspective about myself. She simply told me that I will succeed in anything that I choose to do in life because I have tenacity. To be honest, I didn’t know what tenacity meant until I asked around. Once I learned what it meant, I have held on to those words ever since.
There was one last thing, and probably the most important, that Mrs. Shriver taught me that has literally been the blueprint of my life is the power of one. The power of one making a difference in the life of another. The Shrivers have done a superb job of giving back to the community. What they’ve done with the Special Olympics and the Kennedy Foundation is remarkable. And it is because of seeing their efforts first hand that shifted my interest from public relations to public service. When I went back to school to get my Master’s I knew that I wanted to learn how to serve professionally. And so I called Mrs. Shriver to ask her advice. By this time she was frailing and had already suffered from a few ailments. But she told me to consider a Master’s in Public Administration. And so that’s what I did. In 2004, I earned my MPA with a concentration in Nonprofit Management.
I’m telling you having the right people in your life can make a major difference. If you ask the Lord to order your steps then you have to be confident enough to know that even the most seemingly difficult people will play a major part in your purpose on this earth. Every opportunity the Lord allows should be cherished and entered knowing that God orchestrated it. Working at the Kennedy Foundation played a major part in the woman I am today. And I thank Eunice Kennedy Shriver for believing in me and giving me a chance. She has definitely lived a full life and I believe that she has fulfilled her life’s purpose. Eunice Kennedy Shriver will always be remembered.
And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times; having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. --2 Corinthians 9:8
I met Mrs. Shriver years ago when I was in undergrad studying public relations. A friend of a friend who knew somebody who was professionally connected to a person that worked in the HR department of the Kennedy Foundation was looking for an assistant for Mrs. Shriver. And just like God’s divine order and timing, I was asked if I’d be interested in the position. Its funny because Mrs. Shriver only needed somebody for 3 months to cover her Executive Assistant’s duties while she did some missions work in South Africa. But again, just like divine order…..God gave me favor. Cause I brought not only strong administrative skills to the table but I also knew how to handle the public. This was a plus working for Mrs. Shriver and so I started doing more than what the job called for.
When Mrs. Shriver’s assistant returned from her Africa trip she called to thank me for keeping order in the office, and then she said jokingly…… “I think you’re trying to steal my job.” That joke became a reality because a couple months after that I received a call from HR that Mrs. Shriver’s assistant had resigned and that Mrs. Shriver personally asked for me to take the position. That following Monday I reported downtown for duty.
Wow! I can’t even begin to tell all that I gained working for Mrs. Shriver. Even though I had already built a nice resume, I was young so I went in humbly. I knew that there was a lot to learn from the Kennedy matriarch, and I was so ready to receive. And receiving is what I did. Life lessons that have stuck with me to this day, I learned from working for Mrs. Shriver. Working for her is why to this day my daily prayer is that the Lord will put me at the right place, at the right time, doing the right thing, with the right people, for the right reason according to his perfect will for my life.
One of the first lessons that I learned from working at the Kennedy Foundation was the power of a name. My rolodex had people from Oprah to Dan Rather to Michael Jordan in it. It was nothing for me to call celebrities and say that I had Mrs. Shriver on the line and they’d take the call immediately. One time a friend of the Shrivers had called the office distraught because his daughter had received a rejection letter for admission to Georgetown University. Mrs. Shriver told the friend that she’d handle it. Actually, I handled it..... in her name. I called the Dean of Admissions and within hours---I said HOURS---an acceptance letter was faxed to the girl.
Another lesson that I learned from working for Mrs. Shriver was ain’t nobody trippin off of a diva attitude. I loved the fact that the Kennedy clan didn’t walk around like celebrities. Ted Kennedy would stop in during lunch to eat a half a sandwich and soup with his sister and then would go out and grab a taxi back to the hill. I loved when he stopped in cause most of the youngsters had no idea who he was. And he was so not phased by it. He’d wobble through and wave often times waiting for the receptionist to call me to come out and get him.
Maria [Shriver] the same way. She’d call and say…. “Jill I know you all are busy, but is mother available?” Sometimes as she would wait for her mom to get off of the phone we’d have a conversation. I’d never forget when Maria told me to make sure that I am absolutely ready to be married before taking the plunge. That conversation was way over my head back then, but I heard every word she said and took her advice to heart.
I always say that you can tell the difference between old money and new money cause new money feels the need to make it known. New money is very flashy and arrogant. The Kennedy’s fame and wealth is in their DNA. They don’t trip off of being well-known. In fact, Mrs. Shriver had me book all of her flights commercial in coach. And she insisted that she’d drive her own Cadillac to work, not needing a driver. She thought it a waste of money to hire one. Many times I’d have to send the mailroom guys down to the garage to help Mrs. Shriver bring up groceries for the office. Those would be the days she’d be a little late coming in.
Another lesson was the importance of family. I’m telling you……the Kennedys are the closest Caucasian family I know—lol. I thought Blacks and Latinas were co-dependent on family, but the Kennedys…..wow!! Most of the phone calls during the day would be from Mrs. Shriver’s children or nieces and nephews. They absolutely LOVED their mom and auntie. And grandmother……I thought my grandmother held the BEST GRANDMOTHER AWARD, but Mrs. Shriver gave my grarndmother some competition--lol. Mrs. Shriver took her motherly duties very serious.
My office was adjacent to Mrs. Shriver’s office and one day she buzzed my phone and told me that she had an emergency fax that needed to get out right away. I dropped everything I was doing and ran into her office. I just knew it had something to do with a project we were working on with Tom Brokaw, so I went running. But to my surprise she gave me this handwritten list that said…… “My Birthday Wish List”. She told me to fax it to all of her children immediately. Me and my crazy self looked at her and said…… “Mrs. Shriver this is your emergency!” She looked at me and said….. “Just do what I said Jill!” And I did. Cause she could be very, very feisty. I remember there were five items next to each of her five children’s names. And the first two items were……new patio furniture and a cashmere coat. I couldn’t believe it. But you’d better believe that she got everything she asked her children for on her wish list. Cause they'd die for their momma.
Another lesson is the importance of home. Ok, let me make this official. It was because of working for Mrs. Shriver that I took an interest in real estate and eventually got my license. When I came on board, the Shrivers were in transition because a couple months prior their home in the Potomac had caught fire and so they had to live temporarily at a home in Chevy Chase. A major part of my job was helping them transition back into their Potomac home. I’d coordinate and arrange with the interior decorator, the movers, the landscapers, etc. Daily we would get phone calls from realtors who were interested in selling either of the homes. And one day, I took it upon myself to inquire why there was such a big interest. I got the right realtor on the line and he broke it down to me. Unfortunately, they weren’t interested in selling but it helped me learn a few real estate techniques dealing with distinguished properties.
But Mrs. Shriver made sure that her homes were the center of life. There have been several media pieces done on the Shrivers and their Potomac home. One I remember was Mrs. Shriver, in her later years, playing soccer with her grandchildren on the front lawn. Yes, she had to be eighty years old when that article came out a couple of years ago. But she was kicking the ball in her nice manicured yard. And fresh flowers were delivered to the home on a weekly basis. And the home itself…….just impeccable. I remember having to make sure that the Safeway invoices were paid. No, no, no……the Shrivers didn’t have to go to the grocery store. Their housekeeper would call in the groceries and they’d be delivered from the Safeway up on Wisconsin Avenue. Talk about living. What I’d do to stay out that darn Giant!
Another lesson was the importance of being good to people. One day Mrs. Shriver had to catch an emergency flight out to see her sister. But it was the day that a 5th grade class had scheduled a field trip at the Kennedy Foundation as part of a history lesson. When they arrived they were so disappointed that Mrs. Shriver wasn’t there. And not so much because she was a former President’s sister, but more because she was Arnold Schwarzenegger’s mother-in-law--lol. But they were so disappointed. And other than taking them to see Sarge, Mrs. Shriver’s husband who is simply THE BEST, I needed to figure out how to make their trip worthwhile. So what I did was made each student a press kit with all kinds of pictures and stuff and told them that Mrs. Shriver was so distraught that she had to miss them that she wanted them to have something very special. A couple of weeks later, the teacher wrote me a letter thanking me for the kind gesture and said that it was the highlight of the trip. The funny thing is that I had to arrange for more press kits to be made since it wasn’t in the plan to give out 25 to children, but I felt I had to do what I had to do. Who knows….one of those children could be inspired enough to be our next president.
About a year or so into working for Mrs. Shriver I had to make a tough decision. I was in my senior year in undergrad and had to do a 30-hour a week internship. I had applied to several public relations firms, media outlets, and so forth. And with the help of Mrs. Shriver I could have interned just about anywhere in the is country that I wanted to. But there was an opportunity that came through that I just could not pass up. It was working in the PR department of the Recording Industry Association of America. On my last day working for Mrs. Shriver, she gave me her daughter’s, Maria Shriver, book and wrote something in there that would change my perspective about myself. She simply told me that I will succeed in anything that I choose to do in life because I have tenacity. To be honest, I didn’t know what tenacity meant until I asked around. Once I learned what it meant, I have held on to those words ever since.
There was one last thing, and probably the most important, that Mrs. Shriver taught me that has literally been the blueprint of my life is the power of one. The power of one making a difference in the life of another. The Shrivers have done a superb job of giving back to the community. What they’ve done with the Special Olympics and the Kennedy Foundation is remarkable. And it is because of seeing their efforts first hand that shifted my interest from public relations to public service. When I went back to school to get my Master’s I knew that I wanted to learn how to serve professionally. And so I called Mrs. Shriver to ask her advice. By this time she was frailing and had already suffered from a few ailments. But she told me to consider a Master’s in Public Administration. And so that’s what I did. In 2004, I earned my MPA with a concentration in Nonprofit Management.
I’m telling you having the right people in your life can make a major difference. If you ask the Lord to order your steps then you have to be confident enough to know that even the most seemingly difficult people will play a major part in your purpose on this earth. Every opportunity the Lord allows should be cherished and entered knowing that God orchestrated it. Working at the Kennedy Foundation played a major part in the woman I am today. And I thank Eunice Kennedy Shriver for believing in me and giving me a chance. She has definitely lived a full life and I believe that she has fulfilled her life’s purpose. Eunice Kennedy Shriver will always be remembered.
And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times; having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. --2 Corinthians 9:8
Monday, August 10, 2009
Vacation Needed
Ok, I was not expecting to come back home from my family weekend getaway in Myrtle Beach to a heatwave. Bad enough I fell asleep on the beach and got sunburned. Even with the sun block I used religiously before stepping on the beach, my back and my face is torn up. Yes, my nose is now beginning to peel and wearing clothes just simply hurts. Now they talking about 100 degrees in the metropolitan area……….I’m so not ready for this. I thought about calling my boss and telling her that its just too darn hot to come to work, but I’m trying real hard not to make decisions from the bed. Soooooo……..
So I got myself up this morning after getting in rather late. As soon as we got to my sister’s house in Woodbridge last night to go our separate ways, I felt the strong need to clean out my car before I made it home. So I raided her cleaning closet and scrubbed down my seats and dashboard with Murphy’s Oil Soap, making sure all the candy, cookie, and popsicle wrappers left from my nieces were trashed. By the time I finished it was dark outside.
When I got home, I popped the trunk and got instantly depressed. My weekend bag, cosmetic bag, and purse turned into eight bags. At first I was gonna do the multiple trip thing up the three flights of stairs. But then I said the heck with this and grabbed my purse and cosmetic bag, and slammed the trunk.
Can I tell you….there is nothing like cleaning your house before you go away. Before I left I was so busy taking care of loose ends that I neglected the dust piling up on my dresser. But on last Tuesday night I halted everything and as I was getting in some QT over the phone, I put it down---dusted, vacuumed, cleaned mirrors, changed linen, washed clothes, emptied trash, and scrubbed the kitchen and bathroom floors. So last night when I walked in I felt instantly rejuvenated. The aromatherapy and air conditioner were on full blast. I literally dropped both bags in the middle of the floor, plugged up my cell phone, checked my messages, took a quick shower, and was in the bed sleep within 20 minutes. Seriously.
I woke up this morning feeling very Monday bluesy. A part of me had wished I’d played the mega millions at that rest stop right outside of Richmond. Just a million dollars would do, but to hit the hundred million……oh yes a sistah could do some things with that. I remembered passing the huge mega million ad on the interstate and thinking that if I played and won would my pastor accept a donation or allow me to pay my tithes off of my “ungodly” money. Yesterday, when I had the opportunity to play all kinda guilt kept running through my head so I decided that it wasn’t for me to play. But this morning…….I kinda wished I was a big winner. But then a part of me said…… “thank God for a job”. So I jumped up out the bed and faced my reality.
As soon as I walked in the living room and glimpsed at my bags sitting in the middle of the floor I started to go into an anxiety attack. At least that’s what it felt like---lol. I mean, I felt like I needed to unpack everything. Immediately. Then my bank account flashed in front of my face causing a reminder of all the money I spent over the last five days. And so I ran to the computer and turned it on. As the computer was booting up, I slipped on my sweatpants and ran downstairs to get the rest of the bags. Or at least what I could grab in one trip. By the time I made it to the top of the stairs I was huffing and puffing. I felt the need to do it though since this is the first Monday in a month that I didn’t do my early morning workout. So all kind of guilt was running through me. As soon as I got in and dumped my bags with the others I ran to the computer to discover my damage. But then I glanced at the clock and it was well past the time I needed to be in the shower. Then all of a sudden, I stopped in my tracks and said……….. “STOP!!!”
As soon as I stopped what I was stressing over, I felt an instant peace and resolve like never before. I simply got up from my desk, walked through the living room and passed all of my bags, got in the shower and threw on whatever my hand touched in the closet. I pulled my hair back in a bun, couldn’t put on any make-up cause MY FACE HURTS, and I grabbed my keys and purse, and was out the door.
On my way to work, my girlfriend “E” called stressing about a personal issue in which she needed my advice and to vent. Then when I got to work, another girlfriend called asking me to commit to an hour of intercessory prayer with her for the next 30 days for a 20 year old young lady who is suffering with intestinal cancer. I kept saying in the back of my mind…… “when do I have an hour to pray???” I mean, tonight I have to unpack and get myself mentally back into the hustle and bustle of life. Then this weekend is QT with another part of my life in which has been planned for the last month. On top of that, I haven’t been to church in over a week. Instantly, I felt the anxiety coming back on.
Then the Lord convicted me. I felt real selfish and all over the place. So what I’ve decided to do is forget the unpacking til further notice. It will get done…….when it gets done. I’m also not stressing over my finances. I went well over my monthly allowance, but its something that I rarely do and so…….SO WHAT! I refuse to feel guilty for living. I’m also taking my “Jill” time off of the clock. It’s bad enough that a good 50 hours of my week is governed by a clock, but to have my evenings and weekends on a clock becomes real selfish cause it feels like I never have enough time for me. As far as interceding for the young lady with cancer, YES I will intercede for her but will allow the Holy Spirit to guide me while I’m praying. Cause who knows…..it may be more than an hour.
Right now I just want to take a chill pill and move with the flow. Which reminds me of a dream I had last night. I dreamt that I was in the clearance section of Pottery Barn. Perhaps it was the outlet out in Leesburg. In any case, I saw this beautiful coffee table and I really wanted to buy it. In the dream I could see the color and texture of the table. I was really considering buying it. I couldn’t understand why the table was on clearance. But then I saw its flaw which seemed like a very easy fix.
As soon as I got in the office this morning, I immediately went to my dream dictionary to look up its meaning. And well, well……whataya know. Dreaming of worn furniture symbolizes outdated attitudes, and/or old ways of thinking. Dreaming of a table symbolizes family and social unity. But dreaming of a broken or wobbly table suggests some dissension in my family and/or social circle. I don’t know of any dissension with my loved ones, but maybe it’s that I need to spend more time with them. Even with this little weekender in Myrtle Beach with my family, I kept them on hold for an answer to go.
As I’m typing this entry I just received a text from my mother saying that there will be a family dinner on Friday to celebrate my little sister’s birthday and farewell back to college. Reading it I started to feel stressed because I had already mentally planned that on Friday I was washing all of my comforters at the laundry mat and preparing for my long weekend. Why in the world would yal impose on my weekend again!!! Maybe that’s the dissension. Umph. But as in the dream…..I looked at the table and thought to myself……. “oh that seems like an easy fix.” Sooooo……..what all of this says to me is that I need to spend more time on what matters then on trivial things like stressing over unpacking and balancing a checkbook and washing comforters. In fact, I came in and booked a tentative trip to St. Thomas. Cause I need a vacation EVERY month. But it’s definitely “tentative”. Cause I have to see if I can afford to take the time. Ugh.
So I got myself up this morning after getting in rather late. As soon as we got to my sister’s house in Woodbridge last night to go our separate ways, I felt the strong need to clean out my car before I made it home. So I raided her cleaning closet and scrubbed down my seats and dashboard with Murphy’s Oil Soap, making sure all the candy, cookie, and popsicle wrappers left from my nieces were trashed. By the time I finished it was dark outside.
When I got home, I popped the trunk and got instantly depressed. My weekend bag, cosmetic bag, and purse turned into eight bags. At first I was gonna do the multiple trip thing up the three flights of stairs. But then I said the heck with this and grabbed my purse and cosmetic bag, and slammed the trunk.
Can I tell you….there is nothing like cleaning your house before you go away. Before I left I was so busy taking care of loose ends that I neglected the dust piling up on my dresser. But on last Tuesday night I halted everything and as I was getting in some QT over the phone, I put it down---dusted, vacuumed, cleaned mirrors, changed linen, washed clothes, emptied trash, and scrubbed the kitchen and bathroom floors. So last night when I walked in I felt instantly rejuvenated. The aromatherapy and air conditioner were on full blast. I literally dropped both bags in the middle of the floor, plugged up my cell phone, checked my messages, took a quick shower, and was in the bed sleep within 20 minutes. Seriously.
I woke up this morning feeling very Monday bluesy. A part of me had wished I’d played the mega millions at that rest stop right outside of Richmond. Just a million dollars would do, but to hit the hundred million……oh yes a sistah could do some things with that. I remembered passing the huge mega million ad on the interstate and thinking that if I played and won would my pastor accept a donation or allow me to pay my tithes off of my “ungodly” money. Yesterday, when I had the opportunity to play all kinda guilt kept running through my head so I decided that it wasn’t for me to play. But this morning…….I kinda wished I was a big winner. But then a part of me said…… “thank God for a job”. So I jumped up out the bed and faced my reality.
As soon as I walked in the living room and glimpsed at my bags sitting in the middle of the floor I started to go into an anxiety attack. At least that’s what it felt like---lol. I mean, I felt like I needed to unpack everything. Immediately. Then my bank account flashed in front of my face causing a reminder of all the money I spent over the last five days. And so I ran to the computer and turned it on. As the computer was booting up, I slipped on my sweatpants and ran downstairs to get the rest of the bags. Or at least what I could grab in one trip. By the time I made it to the top of the stairs I was huffing and puffing. I felt the need to do it though since this is the first Monday in a month that I didn’t do my early morning workout. So all kind of guilt was running through me. As soon as I got in and dumped my bags with the others I ran to the computer to discover my damage. But then I glanced at the clock and it was well past the time I needed to be in the shower. Then all of a sudden, I stopped in my tracks and said……….. “STOP!!!”
As soon as I stopped what I was stressing over, I felt an instant peace and resolve like never before. I simply got up from my desk, walked through the living room and passed all of my bags, got in the shower and threw on whatever my hand touched in the closet. I pulled my hair back in a bun, couldn’t put on any make-up cause MY FACE HURTS, and I grabbed my keys and purse, and was out the door.
On my way to work, my girlfriend “E” called stressing about a personal issue in which she needed my advice and to vent. Then when I got to work, another girlfriend called asking me to commit to an hour of intercessory prayer with her for the next 30 days for a 20 year old young lady who is suffering with intestinal cancer. I kept saying in the back of my mind…… “when do I have an hour to pray???” I mean, tonight I have to unpack and get myself mentally back into the hustle and bustle of life. Then this weekend is QT with another part of my life in which has been planned for the last month. On top of that, I haven’t been to church in over a week. Instantly, I felt the anxiety coming back on.
Then the Lord convicted me. I felt real selfish and all over the place. So what I’ve decided to do is forget the unpacking til further notice. It will get done…….when it gets done. I’m also not stressing over my finances. I went well over my monthly allowance, but its something that I rarely do and so…….SO WHAT! I refuse to feel guilty for living. I’m also taking my “Jill” time off of the clock. It’s bad enough that a good 50 hours of my week is governed by a clock, but to have my evenings and weekends on a clock becomes real selfish cause it feels like I never have enough time for me. As far as interceding for the young lady with cancer, YES I will intercede for her but will allow the Holy Spirit to guide me while I’m praying. Cause who knows…..it may be more than an hour.
Right now I just want to take a chill pill and move with the flow. Which reminds me of a dream I had last night. I dreamt that I was in the clearance section of Pottery Barn. Perhaps it was the outlet out in Leesburg. In any case, I saw this beautiful coffee table and I really wanted to buy it. In the dream I could see the color and texture of the table. I was really considering buying it. I couldn’t understand why the table was on clearance. But then I saw its flaw which seemed like a very easy fix.
As soon as I got in the office this morning, I immediately went to my dream dictionary to look up its meaning. And well, well……whataya know. Dreaming of worn furniture symbolizes outdated attitudes, and/or old ways of thinking. Dreaming of a table symbolizes family and social unity. But dreaming of a broken or wobbly table suggests some dissension in my family and/or social circle. I don’t know of any dissension with my loved ones, but maybe it’s that I need to spend more time with them. Even with this little weekender in Myrtle Beach with my family, I kept them on hold for an answer to go.
As I’m typing this entry I just received a text from my mother saying that there will be a family dinner on Friday to celebrate my little sister’s birthday and farewell back to college. Reading it I started to feel stressed because I had already mentally planned that on Friday I was washing all of my comforters at the laundry mat and preparing for my long weekend. Why in the world would yal impose on my weekend again!!! Maybe that’s the dissension. Umph. But as in the dream…..I looked at the table and thought to myself……. “oh that seems like an easy fix.” Sooooo……..what all of this says to me is that I need to spend more time on what matters then on trivial things like stressing over unpacking and balancing a checkbook and washing comforters. In fact, I came in and booked a tentative trip to St. Thomas. Cause I need a vacation EVERY month. But it’s definitely “tentative”. Cause I have to see if I can afford to take the time. Ugh.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Promises, Promises.....
How in the world can several lessons come out of one little situation. Ok, it ain’t little. Really its not. It’s been building over a couple months and has taken on a snowball affect.
Last night I had a dream that me and a colleague were on an elevator and we pushed the 6th floor which was to go down, but instead of going down it went flying up. At full speed. This morning I was curious. Cause I’m a dreamer. Always have been. Usually I can interpret my dreams without a problem. But not only could I see myself in the dream last night, there were deep distinctive aspects of the dream that touched all of my senses. Like…..I could feel myself moving with the elevator. And I could feel myself pushing the number 6 button. I could hear myself speaking with my colleague. Very weird. So when I got in this morning, I took a little time to do some research about dream interpretations. Wait……I sure hope this ain’t no psychic stuff---lol. I ain’t into any deep cognitive mental Sigmund Freud dig-into-your-subconscious-beneath-the-earth’s-surface-in-the-universe type of stuff--lol. I just want clarity. That’s it. Anyway……..so this is what I found.
Ok, dreaming of an ascending elevator means, in addition to a rise in status and wealth, that one has risen to a higher level of consciousness and is looking at the world from an elevated viewpoint. Dreaming of a colleague signifies ambition, struggle, and competitive nature. Dreaming of the number 6 signifies cooperation, balance, tranquility, perfection, warmth, union, marriage, family, and love. Dreaming of the number 6 also means that one’s mental, emotional, and spiritual states are in harmony. It is also indicative of domestic bliss.
But this is where it gets weird. The colleague that was on the elevator with me in the dream, a 60 year old white male, has no work affiliation with me as far as our work is concerned. He manages one program, and I another. Our programs are so unrelated, and our offices are so far apart. The only time we see each other is when we make a conscious effort to discuss our only common link……..ART. So for him to be in my dream it had to have deep meaning. He and I both have a strong passion for the work of artist, Sam Gilliam. In fact, over the years dude has been very instrumental in teaching me the ropes of buying, selling, and collecting art.
A couple of years ago, my colleague guided me on purchasing my first Sam Gilliam piece. Ok, let me clarify this……..ummm, it wasn’t one of Sam Gilliam’s $20,000 pieces. My colleague has several of those. No, no, no….not me. I’m taking baby steps, so I had to purchase one of the little cheaper pieces. Nevertheless, Sam Gilliam is hanging over my sofa—lol. And I’m pretty proud of it. Anyway, so when I’m huddled in his office, it looks real weird and nobody understands it but us. Cause he and I have a connection that goes very deep. We can discuss art for hours.
In fact, when I came in this morning, right after turning on my computer, I decided to go around to his office to tell him about my dream. That was before I got the interpretation. But as soon as I got there he asked me if I wanted to go to an art gallery up in northwest tomorrow where Gilliam will be displaying one of his pieces. To a new person, it may have sounded as if he asked me on a date---then again NO IT WOULDN’T ;-). But he was so excited about the event that what I had to tell him about my dream was a…..whatever. After I got the interpretation, I sent my colleague an email, but of course he only focused on the wealth part. He’s already reached his highest status here, so he’s very much focused on creating more wealth—lol.
As I pondered on my dream’s interpretation I was amazed at the revelation. I could not believe it. Still can’t. And had I not done what I did, I don’t think I would have dreamed what I dreamt. Actually, I know I wouldn’t have. Cause now I’m at such a different place within mysef. I guess I am maturing—lol.
(Deep breath) Ok last month I slammed the door, yes SLAMMED the door, on a “loved one” basically because I refused to see past my wants, thoughts, and feelings. I can’t even make no excuses on this one other than I went into “Angry Black Woman” mode. Ok, let me correct it….. “Angry Single Black Woman” mode. Cause not only did I slam the door, I locked it and swallowed the key. I kept the pride, but I swallowed the darn key.
Last week, I realized that even though my actions felt good to the flesh---cause I bragged that I took one for the team---it just wouldn’t sit well in my Spirit. Cause for one, the Lord has really been dealing with me about covenants and friendships; sticking it out even when things are unfavorable. And two, cause the Lord has been showing me how to TRULY love. I mean, how can I say that I love somebody and not be patient and kind. Love seeketh not her own, but I was truly looking at me, myself, and I. I’m learning that I have to take a stand on my promises even when the other side seems unclear. Cause if indeed the other is wrong, their actions and decisions will pay for itself. In the meantime, I've got to stay consistent on the Word of God.
Sooooo…….with the counsel of my oldest sister, thank God for a sister who’s been there/done that, I made an abnormal move. But the funny thing is that as I was making my move, my “loved one” was making one too which reflected my pride coming down. Cause it takes a real humble being to knock again after the door has been slammed---lol. This action made me see a totally different person.
Obviously, I ain’t given up too much here---lol, but can I just say that the last couple of days have been sooooo wonderful and freeing and peaceful. Seriously, I can’t tell you what will happen with this situation next year, or tomorrow for that matter, but what I can say is that God is fully in control of this vehicle and I’m allowing Him to drive.
“And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses. But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses.” --Mark 11:25-26
Last night I had a dream that me and a colleague were on an elevator and we pushed the 6th floor which was to go down, but instead of going down it went flying up. At full speed. This morning I was curious. Cause I’m a dreamer. Always have been. Usually I can interpret my dreams without a problem. But not only could I see myself in the dream last night, there were deep distinctive aspects of the dream that touched all of my senses. Like…..I could feel myself moving with the elevator. And I could feel myself pushing the number 6 button. I could hear myself speaking with my colleague. Very weird. So when I got in this morning, I took a little time to do some research about dream interpretations. Wait……I sure hope this ain’t no psychic stuff---lol. I ain’t into any deep cognitive mental Sigmund Freud dig-into-your-subconscious-beneath-the-earth’s-surface-in-the-universe type of stuff--lol. I just want clarity. That’s it. Anyway……..so this is what I found.
Ok, dreaming of an ascending elevator means, in addition to a rise in status and wealth, that one has risen to a higher level of consciousness and is looking at the world from an elevated viewpoint. Dreaming of a colleague signifies ambition, struggle, and competitive nature. Dreaming of the number 6 signifies cooperation, balance, tranquility, perfection, warmth, union, marriage, family, and love. Dreaming of the number 6 also means that one’s mental, emotional, and spiritual states are in harmony. It is also indicative of domestic bliss.
But this is where it gets weird. The colleague that was on the elevator with me in the dream, a 60 year old white male, has no work affiliation with me as far as our work is concerned. He manages one program, and I another. Our programs are so unrelated, and our offices are so far apart. The only time we see each other is when we make a conscious effort to discuss our only common link……..ART. So for him to be in my dream it had to have deep meaning. He and I both have a strong passion for the work of artist, Sam Gilliam. In fact, over the years dude has been very instrumental in teaching me the ropes of buying, selling, and collecting art.
A couple of years ago, my colleague guided me on purchasing my first Sam Gilliam piece. Ok, let me clarify this……..ummm, it wasn’t one of Sam Gilliam’s $20,000 pieces. My colleague has several of those. No, no, no….not me. I’m taking baby steps, so I had to purchase one of the little cheaper pieces. Nevertheless, Sam Gilliam is hanging over my sofa—lol. And I’m pretty proud of it. Anyway, so when I’m huddled in his office, it looks real weird and nobody understands it but us. Cause he and I have a connection that goes very deep. We can discuss art for hours.
In fact, when I came in this morning, right after turning on my computer, I decided to go around to his office to tell him about my dream. That was before I got the interpretation. But as soon as I got there he asked me if I wanted to go to an art gallery up in northwest tomorrow where Gilliam will be displaying one of his pieces. To a new person, it may have sounded as if he asked me on a date---then again NO IT WOULDN’T ;-). But he was so excited about the event that what I had to tell him about my dream was a…..whatever. After I got the interpretation, I sent my colleague an email, but of course he only focused on the wealth part. He’s already reached his highest status here, so he’s very much focused on creating more wealth—lol.
As I pondered on my dream’s interpretation I was amazed at the revelation. I could not believe it. Still can’t. And had I not done what I did, I don’t think I would have dreamed what I dreamt. Actually, I know I wouldn’t have. Cause now I’m at such a different place within mysef. I guess I am maturing—lol.
(Deep breath) Ok last month I slammed the door, yes SLAMMED the door, on a “loved one” basically because I refused to see past my wants, thoughts, and feelings. I can’t even make no excuses on this one other than I went into “Angry Black Woman” mode. Ok, let me correct it….. “Angry Single Black Woman” mode. Cause not only did I slam the door, I locked it and swallowed the key. I kept the pride, but I swallowed the darn key.
Last week, I realized that even though my actions felt good to the flesh---cause I bragged that I took one for the team---it just wouldn’t sit well in my Spirit. Cause for one, the Lord has really been dealing with me about covenants and friendships; sticking it out even when things are unfavorable. And two, cause the Lord has been showing me how to TRULY love. I mean, how can I say that I love somebody and not be patient and kind. Love seeketh not her own, but I was truly looking at me, myself, and I. I’m learning that I have to take a stand on my promises even when the other side seems unclear. Cause if indeed the other is wrong, their actions and decisions will pay for itself. In the meantime, I've got to stay consistent on the Word of God.
Sooooo…….with the counsel of my oldest sister, thank God for a sister who’s been there/done that, I made an abnormal move. But the funny thing is that as I was making my move, my “loved one” was making one too which reflected my pride coming down. Cause it takes a real humble being to knock again after the door has been slammed---lol. This action made me see a totally different person.
Obviously, I ain’t given up too much here---lol, but can I just say that the last couple of days have been sooooo wonderful and freeing and peaceful. Seriously, I can’t tell you what will happen with this situation next year, or tomorrow for that matter, but what I can say is that God is fully in control of this vehicle and I’m allowing Him to drive.
“And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses. But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses.” --Mark 11:25-26
Monday, August 3, 2009
Strength Training
Never in my weirdest dreams did I think that I’d be growing through what I’m going through. Then again……..yes I did. Yep, I dreamt it. All of this. Sure did. Decisions, decisions. (Deep breath) Anyway, for the last few days I’ve been reminded that it is in my weakness that God has his plan in full action. And when it comes to matters of the heart…..umm, a sistah is weak.
This morning was a gym morning. In fact, since I’ve committed myself to the “morning shift” of going to the gym I’ve been quite consistent. And I’m noticing that I don’t need as many hours of sleep that I thought. I actually got in late from church last night—about midnight--and after doing the usual checking messages and returning text, settling down and doing my usual weekly weather check, it was close to 1am when I drifted off to sleep. At 5am sharp, I jumped out of the bed, threw on my gym gear, grabbed a protein shake, ran down the three flights of stairs, jumped into my car and drove off before the rear and side view mirrors adjusted, and was on the elliptical by 5:25am.
Ok, believe it or not I’ve been doing the gym thing for years and years. No, I don’t always notice a difference on the scale, but when I’m committed to something…..I’m committed. The truth of the matter is that my weight fluctuates, and I’ve just gotten comfortable with that cycle. However, over the last two years I’ve really taken my cardio to the next level. I mean, it is nothing for me to run at a steady pace on the treadmill for a lengthy period of time without getting winded. And it is nothing for me to stay on the elliptical for an hour at high intensity. When I used to workout in the evenings, sometimes I’d go down to the gym and just walk on the treadmill without looking at the clock. Before I’d know it, two hours would pass. Since I’ve increased my cardio, I have noticed some difference on the scale. But then there came the halt.
When I decided to workout in the mornings, I also decided that I’d get a trainer for 30-days as well. I just needed to get some physical advice and some help in getting into a routine that would produce better results in less amount of time. When we initially met, the first thing that my trainer told me was that I needed to decrease my cardio, and incorporate strength training into my routine. Of course I looked at him like he was crazy. I mean, cardio is what we all need, and I’d like to think that I need it a little more---cause a sistah be stressed. But he told me simply that I’ve maxed out on cardio and that I needed to burn more by lifting weights. I was floored. And you know me……I bucked him--lol. I mean, c’mon……I’ve mastered cardio. Cardio is my physical strength. My endurance in ANY physical activity that requires steady free movement has always been high. But dude wasn’t hearing me. I mean, he’s the expert I guess he knew what he was talking about. The truth of the matter is that weights intimidated me.
On my first day of my new workout routine, I did the elliptical for 30 minutes and was to do strength training for 30 minutes. The first machine I got on, I had to adjust to the lightest weights. I think 10lbs. Perhaps it was a toss up between laziness and intimidation, but I just didn’t want to do it. I mean honestly, it didn’t make sense mentally. Everybody knows that weights put on weight and on top of that they bulk you up. But with the little light weight I could do, bulking up was my least worry. I simply felt like I was just wasting my time.
If you don’t know by now, let me just tell you that I am obedient to the core. I will buck you, but if you can prove to me your authority I will follow a command without a problem. (Deep breath) So I humbled myself, and in all my weakness of lifting my little 10lbs here and 15lbs there I’ve been sticking with the program for almost a month now. And I’m proud to say that I have seen steady results in my clothes.
I think that this is a good time to insert one of my favorite quotes: “a natural pattern will show in detail what the Spiritual reality consists of.”
Last week, my pastor and his wife requested to meet with me. (Deep breath) WOW!!! What a meeting. My pastor has so much insight and knowledge of the Word of God. It was a great meeting and we had such a great conversation. One of the many things that my pastor told me was that, here in America (he’s from Ghana) we rely too much on our strengths. Everything we do we do it out of our strength. Because that’s what we’ve been indirectly taught---to be all that we can be. Our strengths have become a one size fits all type of lifestyle. And for some ungodly reason, we’re making it work in all aspects of our lives. Or at least we’re trying to.
So as me and my pastor were conversing you could tell he was getting a revelation on the spot. Then the conversation shifted. And he got quiet. And I was sitting there looking stupid waiting for him to speak. Cause I knew the Lord was speaking to Him. What he told me was that as much as he knows that I would be excellent at doing what he had originally felt that I would be great at doing in the ministry, he has to be obedient to God as a shepherd and pull out the thing in me that the Lord is showing him. I know EXACTLY what it is. I’ve been ducking and dodging it. Cause it intimidates me. It’s my weakness.
You know what’s amazing, and I promise you that I'ma tie all this together (lol)………. It's amazing that here in the U.S., 44% of women over the age of 30 who are unmarried are African American. Can you believe that!!! That’s almost half!!! Ok, here it goes. In MY opinion, one of the biggest mistakes that have surfaced on this earth is the black women’s empowerment movement. And being a black woman who has had her share of this movement, and am still single…..umm yes I feel qualified to give my opinion and express my feelings.
This ungodly movement has taken us to plain old cockiness. We have become unbreakable, unsubmissive, and just down right…..unbearable. Don’t get me wrong…..I’m all for a strong, black woman, but what we’ve failed to realize is that black women came to earth with a purpose of strength. We came to earth to help the man. But somehow we got deceived again into thinking that we can do our job and his. Ummm, yes we can….but that ain’t what we were sent here for. That’s like adding sugar to syrup.
I had a conversation with one of my girlfriends over the weekend. She’s very successful might I add. But she says that she’s so tired of being lonely and being without a companion that she has begun to really cry out to the Lord to send her someone. Of course she was reaching out to me for some insight and advice, and a shoulder. And the first thing I explained to her was that though marriage is an earthly covenant, it is ordained by God. Therefore, if it is to truly work with the blessings she desires she has to be obedient, and submit to God’s word. To put a few perspectives on the table that I thought she might understand I told her flat out……the Ms. CEO thing is not gonna work in the home with a husband. I so love Michelle Obama for being a good example of this. Not many know that Mrs. Obama was Mr. President's boss at one of the country's leading law firms when they started dating. Over the years, roles changed drastically. Because the Mrs. obviously submitted to her true purpose.
After I hung up with my girlfriend, in which I revealed some of the conversation me and my pastor had, I thought back to that conversation. It made me reflect on how churches are being run by strong folk who have extraordinary gifts and talents in the world. To the finite mind……this is ideal. But to the spiritually-led being…….ummm I don’t think this should be. First, gifts come without repentance so you don’t know what spirit is leading a ministry in the church. But second, I don’t believe that a strength that is built by the world can be truly in submission to God’s perfect will. Submitting to God's will takes a great deal of humility and a lot of us has spent half our life trying to build and rebuild ourselves. Removing is a sense of going backwards.
You know what I thought about this morning……..Jesus was a great carpenter. He came from a family of skilled carpenters. So why didn’t he build the first church??? In fact, you don’t see anything in the Bible where Jesus used his profession in the ministry. In fact, everybody who He had chosen in ministry with him He told them to drop their careers and follow Him. They dropped everything to follow Jesus. Everything that they’d accomplished they dropped to follow Christ.
This reminds me of a dude at my church. To see this guy you wouldn’t think twice about his profession, or skills, or what he does outside of the church. More than often, he comes to church in his little skippies and t-shirt and sits anywhere there is a vacant seat---off to the side or in the back. Every now and again, we exchange looks of perplexity with something that my pastor says or even looks of “dang, I just learned something”. Very nice guy. One time we were in a meeting and somebody asked what ministry he led and he said plainly, “I don't lead any ministry. I do whatever Pastor and First Lady tells me to do.” He said, “right now I’m the waterboy.” We cracked up laughing as he went to get two cold bottles of water for my pastor. But recently, he and I spent some time chatting after service and I was amazed at what he revealed. Dude runs one of the nation’s top corporations. His expertise and skills can take the church in a soaring direction………but he makes it non-verbally clear that that’s not his purpose for being at the church. He’s on a mission for God and has wholeheartedly submitted to the will of the Lord.
Over the last few months or so, the Lord has really been working on me to understand that being weak is not a bad thing. In fact, it’s a darn good place to be. But we’re programmed to think that being weak sends so many negative messages. We’re taught to keep our guards up, to not pull them down. We’re taught to not let them see us sweat. We’ve taken the strong, “got it going on” image to a whole new level. We’ve built up this wall with the help of society that is really a trap set by the enemy. As my pastor said to me……. until I am in my weakest state, that’s emptying all of me, no newness can enter. I received what he said wholeheartedly. Cause without telling him my current situation, I had a “I’m a strong black woman” wall up. And as much as it hurt my pride, and revealed my vulnerability, I decided to take it down after speaking with my pastor. Now I can finally feel God moving in the situation. I’m seeing results.
… To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. --2 Corinthians 12:7-10
This morning was a gym morning. In fact, since I’ve committed myself to the “morning shift” of going to the gym I’ve been quite consistent. And I’m noticing that I don’t need as many hours of sleep that I thought. I actually got in late from church last night—about midnight--and after doing the usual checking messages and returning text, settling down and doing my usual weekly weather check, it was close to 1am when I drifted off to sleep. At 5am sharp, I jumped out of the bed, threw on my gym gear, grabbed a protein shake, ran down the three flights of stairs, jumped into my car and drove off before the rear and side view mirrors adjusted, and was on the elliptical by 5:25am.
Ok, believe it or not I’ve been doing the gym thing for years and years. No, I don’t always notice a difference on the scale, but when I’m committed to something…..I’m committed. The truth of the matter is that my weight fluctuates, and I’ve just gotten comfortable with that cycle. However, over the last two years I’ve really taken my cardio to the next level. I mean, it is nothing for me to run at a steady pace on the treadmill for a lengthy period of time without getting winded. And it is nothing for me to stay on the elliptical for an hour at high intensity. When I used to workout in the evenings, sometimes I’d go down to the gym and just walk on the treadmill without looking at the clock. Before I’d know it, two hours would pass. Since I’ve increased my cardio, I have noticed some difference on the scale. But then there came the halt.
When I decided to workout in the mornings, I also decided that I’d get a trainer for 30-days as well. I just needed to get some physical advice and some help in getting into a routine that would produce better results in less amount of time. When we initially met, the first thing that my trainer told me was that I needed to decrease my cardio, and incorporate strength training into my routine. Of course I looked at him like he was crazy. I mean, cardio is what we all need, and I’d like to think that I need it a little more---cause a sistah be stressed. But he told me simply that I’ve maxed out on cardio and that I needed to burn more by lifting weights. I was floored. And you know me……I bucked him--lol. I mean, c’mon……I’ve mastered cardio. Cardio is my physical strength. My endurance in ANY physical activity that requires steady free movement has always been high. But dude wasn’t hearing me. I mean, he’s the expert I guess he knew what he was talking about. The truth of the matter is that weights intimidated me.
On my first day of my new workout routine, I did the elliptical for 30 minutes and was to do strength training for 30 minutes. The first machine I got on, I had to adjust to the lightest weights. I think 10lbs. Perhaps it was a toss up between laziness and intimidation, but I just didn’t want to do it. I mean honestly, it didn’t make sense mentally. Everybody knows that weights put on weight and on top of that they bulk you up. But with the little light weight I could do, bulking up was my least worry. I simply felt like I was just wasting my time.
If you don’t know by now, let me just tell you that I am obedient to the core. I will buck you, but if you can prove to me your authority I will follow a command without a problem. (Deep breath) So I humbled myself, and in all my weakness of lifting my little 10lbs here and 15lbs there I’ve been sticking with the program for almost a month now. And I’m proud to say that I have seen steady results in my clothes.
I think that this is a good time to insert one of my favorite quotes: “a natural pattern will show in detail what the Spiritual reality consists of.”
Last week, my pastor and his wife requested to meet with me. (Deep breath) WOW!!! What a meeting. My pastor has so much insight and knowledge of the Word of God. It was a great meeting and we had such a great conversation. One of the many things that my pastor told me was that, here in America (he’s from Ghana) we rely too much on our strengths. Everything we do we do it out of our strength. Because that’s what we’ve been indirectly taught---to be all that we can be. Our strengths have become a one size fits all type of lifestyle. And for some ungodly reason, we’re making it work in all aspects of our lives. Or at least we’re trying to.
So as me and my pastor were conversing you could tell he was getting a revelation on the spot. Then the conversation shifted. And he got quiet. And I was sitting there looking stupid waiting for him to speak. Cause I knew the Lord was speaking to Him. What he told me was that as much as he knows that I would be excellent at doing what he had originally felt that I would be great at doing in the ministry, he has to be obedient to God as a shepherd and pull out the thing in me that the Lord is showing him. I know EXACTLY what it is. I’ve been ducking and dodging it. Cause it intimidates me. It’s my weakness.
You know what’s amazing, and I promise you that I'ma tie all this together (lol)………. It's amazing that here in the U.S., 44% of women over the age of 30 who are unmarried are African American. Can you believe that!!! That’s almost half!!! Ok, here it goes. In MY opinion, one of the biggest mistakes that have surfaced on this earth is the black women’s empowerment movement. And being a black woman who has had her share of this movement, and am still single…..umm yes I feel qualified to give my opinion and express my feelings.
This ungodly movement has taken us to plain old cockiness. We have become unbreakable, unsubmissive, and just down right…..unbearable. Don’t get me wrong…..I’m all for a strong, black woman, but what we’ve failed to realize is that black women came to earth with a purpose of strength. We came to earth to help the man. But somehow we got deceived again into thinking that we can do our job and his. Ummm, yes we can….but that ain’t what we were sent here for. That’s like adding sugar to syrup.
I had a conversation with one of my girlfriends over the weekend. She’s very successful might I add. But she says that she’s so tired of being lonely and being without a companion that she has begun to really cry out to the Lord to send her someone. Of course she was reaching out to me for some insight and advice, and a shoulder. And the first thing I explained to her was that though marriage is an earthly covenant, it is ordained by God. Therefore, if it is to truly work with the blessings she desires she has to be obedient, and submit to God’s word. To put a few perspectives on the table that I thought she might understand I told her flat out……the Ms. CEO thing is not gonna work in the home with a husband. I so love Michelle Obama for being a good example of this. Not many know that Mrs. Obama was Mr. President's boss at one of the country's leading law firms when they started dating. Over the years, roles changed drastically. Because the Mrs. obviously submitted to her true purpose.
After I hung up with my girlfriend, in which I revealed some of the conversation me and my pastor had, I thought back to that conversation. It made me reflect on how churches are being run by strong folk who have extraordinary gifts and talents in the world. To the finite mind……this is ideal. But to the spiritually-led being…….ummm I don’t think this should be. First, gifts come without repentance so you don’t know what spirit is leading a ministry in the church. But second, I don’t believe that a strength that is built by the world can be truly in submission to God’s perfect will. Submitting to God's will takes a great deal of humility and a lot of us has spent half our life trying to build and rebuild ourselves. Removing is a sense of going backwards.
You know what I thought about this morning……..Jesus was a great carpenter. He came from a family of skilled carpenters. So why didn’t he build the first church??? In fact, you don’t see anything in the Bible where Jesus used his profession in the ministry. In fact, everybody who He had chosen in ministry with him He told them to drop their careers and follow Him. They dropped everything to follow Jesus. Everything that they’d accomplished they dropped to follow Christ.
This reminds me of a dude at my church. To see this guy you wouldn’t think twice about his profession, or skills, or what he does outside of the church. More than often, he comes to church in his little skippies and t-shirt and sits anywhere there is a vacant seat---off to the side or in the back. Every now and again, we exchange looks of perplexity with something that my pastor says or even looks of “dang, I just learned something”. Very nice guy. One time we were in a meeting and somebody asked what ministry he led and he said plainly, “I don't lead any ministry. I do whatever Pastor and First Lady tells me to do.” He said, “right now I’m the waterboy.” We cracked up laughing as he went to get two cold bottles of water for my pastor. But recently, he and I spent some time chatting after service and I was amazed at what he revealed. Dude runs one of the nation’s top corporations. His expertise and skills can take the church in a soaring direction………but he makes it non-verbally clear that that’s not his purpose for being at the church. He’s on a mission for God and has wholeheartedly submitted to the will of the Lord.
Over the last few months or so, the Lord has really been working on me to understand that being weak is not a bad thing. In fact, it’s a darn good place to be. But we’re programmed to think that being weak sends so many negative messages. We’re taught to keep our guards up, to not pull them down. We’re taught to not let them see us sweat. We’ve taken the strong, “got it going on” image to a whole new level. We’ve built up this wall with the help of society that is really a trap set by the enemy. As my pastor said to me……. until I am in my weakest state, that’s emptying all of me, no newness can enter. I received what he said wholeheartedly. Cause without telling him my current situation, I had a “I’m a strong black woman” wall up. And as much as it hurt my pride, and revealed my vulnerability, I decided to take it down after speaking with my pastor. Now I can finally feel God moving in the situation. I’m seeing results.
… To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. --2 Corinthians 12:7-10
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
NEVER!!
My God NEVER ceases to amaze me. You know what….its in the smallest situations that the Lord speaks loudest to me. I’m telling you, umph.
Ok, a couple of weeks ago I went through this mass dump of jewelry and perfume that had been given to me by folk I am no longer connected to. I haven’t cut too many people from my life recently, cause I’m learning how to deal with folk and their issues, and mine as well. Really I am—lol. But over the last few years there were some folk who came in my life that started wreaking havoc in the spiritual realm. I mean, on the surface things were good. But there was a quiet feud that didn’t sit well in my Spirit. Soooo…..I had to cut the ties. Anyway, a few of these folk had given me gifts over the course of the friendship/relationship that had created an unspoken covenant. All too often we receive gifts with gratitude and keep on keeping on. But………after hearing my pastor speaking about soul ties, and using things to solidify the covenant, I decided to clean house.
About a month ago I discarded my favorite pair of silver hoops. Yep, I took them out my ear and dumped them in the waste paper basket in my bathroom. An older lady at the office had given them to me I think for my birthday or Christmas, can’t remember. But not only did she give me those pair, she gave me five pair of hoops. She knows that I don’t wear a lot of jewelry, but she knows that I love silver hoops. So over the years she has literally spoiled me with jewelry, and all kinds of other stuff. I use to call her my fairy godmother (lol).
Anyway, a couple of days after I dumped my favorite pair of earrings I was going through my jewelry box trying to find a pair to wear to work. The only ones I could find were the other five pair she had given me. At first I was like.......look, I don’t have no earrings to wear and soul ties or not, I need to wear a pair of these earrings. But something in my Spirit just wouldn’t let me put them on. So I did another act against my flesh I dumped all five pair of earrings in the big garbage can in the kitchen.
This was a very bold move for me. Cause I don’t like giving away my last. I’m just being honest. I don’t. Ok, it wasn’t like I didn’t have ANY earrings to wear, but not just what I wanted to wear. I ain’t really into the gold hoops like I was back in the nineties---my jewelry box is full of those---I wanted my silver hoops. Period. But didn’t have any. At first I wanted to talk myself into thinking that I was crazy for dumping “gifts”, but dumping brought a release that I can’t explain. I know without a shadow of a doubt that hearing my pastor’s message was the push I needed to completely cut myself from ungodly ties. Anyway, for the last few weeks I’ve been rotating some costume jewelry---UGH---cause the silver hoops I want from Tiffany’s ain’t in a sistah’s budget right now. And as far as I can see……I don’t see them in the future budget, either—lol.
Ok, let me switch gears here. I promise you that it will all tie together—lol.
(Deep breath). Over the last year [my friend] has been really dealing with me about this tithes and offerings thing. I grew up in the pentecostal church, I know all too well about the misdealings of tithes and offerings, and so I was really burnt out about it for years. Seriously. But when me and [my friend] first met he spoke boldly that he was a proud tithes payer. For a long time when he’d mention something about paying tithes in the back of my mind I’d be like…….uhhhhh, dude you can afford to pay yours and mine, and I suggest you do that cause I ain’t getting caught up in it. I just didn’t want to hear it witnessing the schemes of greedy church leaders.
But then one day we had the “finances” talk. I knew it was coming. My girlfriend always joke---knowing my $100,000 worth of student loans---saying, “umm, are you gonna tell him that he’s in debt BEFORE you get married or AFTER?”—lol. It’s a running joke. But we had the talk and I gave it to him straight. Ain’t no need to hold back now. I let him know that I got a little caught up in living like I sold a piece of real estate every month, but now that the market has crashed; ummmm…….I’m robbing peter to pay paul. I was straight up with him. He took a deep breath and told me something that has had a positive impact on my life ever since. He simply said......you can’t call yourself a Christian and not pay tithes. And so I humbled myself and listened to daddy--lol.
Then he explained that although paying tithes and offerings are Spiritual acts they are too a mental act. He told me that when you know you have to pay ties (10% of your income) your mind adjusts your finances accordingly because you have subjected your mind to the Spirit of God. And when one submits their being to God He has to move in the situation. Cause His Word says so. He dared me to try it. He told me that he guaranteed that within one month I wouldn’t be stressed out about my finances if I acted out of a pure heart.
Ok, let me say something. I’m not one of those people who is scared into paying tithes and offerings. I don’t fall for the “you are cursed if you don’t pay your tithes” cause I know that I am no longer under the curse, but under God’s grace. But I give purely from my heart. When I am led to give. And so for the last couple of years that’s how I’ve been living my spiritual life---giving as I’m led to. I hadn’t been led to pay tithes, for whatever reason, and so I didn’t.
One of the benefits of attending a big church is that you get lost in the congregation. If I don’t go one Sunday nobody notices. And if I don’t give, my little piece of change is just a drop in the pacific, so it probably doesn’t really count anyway. But since joining my new church, a very small in size church and new ministry, well your attendance and giving is noticed. Still I wasn’t moved. Cause nobody controls my finances but ME. For the first few months I heard the tithes and offerings messages, and I listened. As my mother often say......“you have to learn how to chew the meat and spit out the bones.” And so I took the parts that pertained to me and discarded the rest. Cause again, nobody controls my money but ME.
But then one day the Lord spoke to my heart and allowed me to see this new ministry and how my tithes and offerings could really have an impact on the church. Still, I felt that I had too many bills. I mean, I could give a nice offering every Sunday, but 10% of my income every month, uuuuuh NOT. Still feeling very resistant, but at the same time a tug at my heart I sat down on the sofa one evening and really analyzed my finances. I really wanted to see if I could make it work. Ok, let me just say this……10% of my income a month is almost equivalent to my car note. And we ain’t talking about a Ford Focus note, either--lol.
Anyway, so for hours I was juggling stuff around and trying to see where I could do without some things and reduce others. I didn’t realize until recently that this was a faith move. But as I was analyzing my finances I remembered that I had a savings account where a very small amount of my paycheck was going into. I had never touched it since I opened it about five years ago. So I went online and checked the balance and couldn’t believe the balance. So what I did was those bills that I could pay off or up for the rest of the year I did so from that account. After I finished doing all of that I not only had enough money to pay my tithes bi-weekly, but I had extra money left over to splurge a little.
For weeks I was walking around like…..WOW!!! I finally was at a place where I didn’t feel overwhelmed with my finances. And really, my whole purpose was because I wanted to sow into my church. Gotta be honest, if it was a mega ministry and the pastor was driving a Maybach or a Phantom, ummmm don’t think so. But because my pastor and the first lady don’t seem to be concerned with material gain, don’t have negative—greedy motives, and because I feel in my Spirit that they have given up a lot to be obedient to the Lord’s command, I felt the least I could do was help support the ministry financially. That’s the least I could do. So to juggle my personal finances to support the ministry was purely from my heart. I wasn’t trying to reap nothing, just trying to support the ministry that has contributed signficantly to my Spiritual growth.
But then something happened.
A few days after I had given my first tithes, I received a bonus at work. Had never received this honor before--lol. I mean, I've worked my butt off for this program for the last 9 years....why recognize my worth now--lol. But I was commended for effectively managing my program and was told that I had the highest performance rating amongst 32 staff. With that bonus I was able to pay off my braces which relieved me from an extra monthly expense. Days after that, I checked my account and noticed that my paycheck was $162 more than normal. I called personnel to inquire and they told me that they had miscalculated my pay increase FROM LAST YEAR, and had made the adjustment plus was giving me retro pay. At this point, I was like……c’mon Lord you joking right---lol.
This morning as I was getting ready to leave out the door I remembered that I needed to get my spare key because I was driving in and parking in the office garage. So as I was fumbling through my nightstand drawer, in which I rarely go in, something popped out at me. It was a little cardboard jewelry box. At first I was gonna ignore it cause I was---a little late---but I decided to open it anyway. Would you believe that there was not one pair, but TWO pair of silver hoops in the box. They weren’t new, but I can’t for the life of me remember where they came from, or who gave them to me, or if I bought them for myself. What’s funny is that I NEVER put jewelry in or on my nightstand. When I walk through my front door I start stripping and one of my first stops is at my jewelry box on my dresser. I’m still sitting here baffled. I have no clue where those earrings came from so I’m just gonna believe that the Lord placed them there. Though small, it was as if the Lord had whispered in my ear…… “I got you.”
I’m a living witness that when you release in obedience the Lord will give back to you. I’m learning that sowing/reaping is not just a natural law, but a Spiritual one. When you give with good intentions and motives, oh He will make provisions. And not that I needed proof cause my walk with the Lord is a faith walk. If He tells me to give I’m acting out of obedience. Period. If He never gives back…I’m still good. Cause I’ve decided to submit to His perfect will no matter what it costs me. But He gave back ANYWAY. Cause His Word don’t lie.
“Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this,” says the LORD Almighty, “and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it.” –Malachi 3:10
Ok, a couple of weeks ago I went through this mass dump of jewelry and perfume that had been given to me by folk I am no longer connected to. I haven’t cut too many people from my life recently, cause I’m learning how to deal with folk and their issues, and mine as well. Really I am—lol. But over the last few years there were some folk who came in my life that started wreaking havoc in the spiritual realm. I mean, on the surface things were good. But there was a quiet feud that didn’t sit well in my Spirit. Soooo…..I had to cut the ties. Anyway, a few of these folk had given me gifts over the course of the friendship/relationship that had created an unspoken covenant. All too often we receive gifts with gratitude and keep on keeping on. But………after hearing my pastor speaking about soul ties, and using things to solidify the covenant, I decided to clean house.
About a month ago I discarded my favorite pair of silver hoops. Yep, I took them out my ear and dumped them in the waste paper basket in my bathroom. An older lady at the office had given them to me I think for my birthday or Christmas, can’t remember. But not only did she give me those pair, she gave me five pair of hoops. She knows that I don’t wear a lot of jewelry, but she knows that I love silver hoops. So over the years she has literally spoiled me with jewelry, and all kinds of other stuff. I use to call her my fairy godmother (lol).
Anyway, a couple of days after I dumped my favorite pair of earrings I was going through my jewelry box trying to find a pair to wear to work. The only ones I could find were the other five pair she had given me. At first I was like.......look, I don’t have no earrings to wear and soul ties or not, I need to wear a pair of these earrings. But something in my Spirit just wouldn’t let me put them on. So I did another act against my flesh I dumped all five pair of earrings in the big garbage can in the kitchen.
This was a very bold move for me. Cause I don’t like giving away my last. I’m just being honest. I don’t. Ok, it wasn’t like I didn’t have ANY earrings to wear, but not just what I wanted to wear. I ain’t really into the gold hoops like I was back in the nineties---my jewelry box is full of those---I wanted my silver hoops. Period. But didn’t have any. At first I wanted to talk myself into thinking that I was crazy for dumping “gifts”, but dumping brought a release that I can’t explain. I know without a shadow of a doubt that hearing my pastor’s message was the push I needed to completely cut myself from ungodly ties. Anyway, for the last few weeks I’ve been rotating some costume jewelry---UGH---cause the silver hoops I want from Tiffany’s ain’t in a sistah’s budget right now. And as far as I can see……I don’t see them in the future budget, either—lol.
Ok, let me switch gears here. I promise you that it will all tie together—lol.
(Deep breath). Over the last year [my friend] has been really dealing with me about this tithes and offerings thing. I grew up in the pentecostal church, I know all too well about the misdealings of tithes and offerings, and so I was really burnt out about it for years. Seriously. But when me and [my friend] first met he spoke boldly that he was a proud tithes payer. For a long time when he’d mention something about paying tithes in the back of my mind I’d be like…….uhhhhh, dude you can afford to pay yours and mine, and I suggest you do that cause I ain’t getting caught up in it. I just didn’t want to hear it witnessing the schemes of greedy church leaders.
But then one day we had the “finances” talk. I knew it was coming. My girlfriend always joke---knowing my $100,000 worth of student loans---saying, “umm, are you gonna tell him that he’s in debt BEFORE you get married or AFTER?”—lol. It’s a running joke. But we had the talk and I gave it to him straight. Ain’t no need to hold back now. I let him know that I got a little caught up in living like I sold a piece of real estate every month, but now that the market has crashed; ummmm…….I’m robbing peter to pay paul. I was straight up with him. He took a deep breath and told me something that has had a positive impact on my life ever since. He simply said......you can’t call yourself a Christian and not pay tithes. And so I humbled myself and listened to daddy--lol.
Then he explained that although paying tithes and offerings are Spiritual acts they are too a mental act. He told me that when you know you have to pay ties (10% of your income) your mind adjusts your finances accordingly because you have subjected your mind to the Spirit of God. And when one submits their being to God He has to move in the situation. Cause His Word says so. He dared me to try it. He told me that he guaranteed that within one month I wouldn’t be stressed out about my finances if I acted out of a pure heart.
Ok, let me say something. I’m not one of those people who is scared into paying tithes and offerings. I don’t fall for the “you are cursed if you don’t pay your tithes” cause I know that I am no longer under the curse, but under God’s grace. But I give purely from my heart. When I am led to give. And so for the last couple of years that’s how I’ve been living my spiritual life---giving as I’m led to. I hadn’t been led to pay tithes, for whatever reason, and so I didn’t.
One of the benefits of attending a big church is that you get lost in the congregation. If I don’t go one Sunday nobody notices. And if I don’t give, my little piece of change is just a drop in the pacific, so it probably doesn’t really count anyway. But since joining my new church, a very small in size church and new ministry, well your attendance and giving is noticed. Still I wasn’t moved. Cause nobody controls my finances but ME. For the first few months I heard the tithes and offerings messages, and I listened. As my mother often say......“you have to learn how to chew the meat and spit out the bones.” And so I took the parts that pertained to me and discarded the rest. Cause again, nobody controls my money but ME.
But then one day the Lord spoke to my heart and allowed me to see this new ministry and how my tithes and offerings could really have an impact on the church. Still, I felt that I had too many bills. I mean, I could give a nice offering every Sunday, but 10% of my income every month, uuuuuh NOT. Still feeling very resistant, but at the same time a tug at my heart I sat down on the sofa one evening and really analyzed my finances. I really wanted to see if I could make it work. Ok, let me just say this……10% of my income a month is almost equivalent to my car note. And we ain’t talking about a Ford Focus note, either--lol.
Anyway, so for hours I was juggling stuff around and trying to see where I could do without some things and reduce others. I didn’t realize until recently that this was a faith move. But as I was analyzing my finances I remembered that I had a savings account where a very small amount of my paycheck was going into. I had never touched it since I opened it about five years ago. So I went online and checked the balance and couldn’t believe the balance. So what I did was those bills that I could pay off or up for the rest of the year I did so from that account. After I finished doing all of that I not only had enough money to pay my tithes bi-weekly, but I had extra money left over to splurge a little.
For weeks I was walking around like…..WOW!!! I finally was at a place where I didn’t feel overwhelmed with my finances. And really, my whole purpose was because I wanted to sow into my church. Gotta be honest, if it was a mega ministry and the pastor was driving a Maybach or a Phantom, ummmm don’t think so. But because my pastor and the first lady don’t seem to be concerned with material gain, don’t have negative—greedy motives, and because I feel in my Spirit that they have given up a lot to be obedient to the Lord’s command, I felt the least I could do was help support the ministry financially. That’s the least I could do. So to juggle my personal finances to support the ministry was purely from my heart. I wasn’t trying to reap nothing, just trying to support the ministry that has contributed signficantly to my Spiritual growth.
But then something happened.
A few days after I had given my first tithes, I received a bonus at work. Had never received this honor before--lol. I mean, I've worked my butt off for this program for the last 9 years....why recognize my worth now--lol. But I was commended for effectively managing my program and was told that I had the highest performance rating amongst 32 staff. With that bonus I was able to pay off my braces which relieved me from an extra monthly expense. Days after that, I checked my account and noticed that my paycheck was $162 more than normal. I called personnel to inquire and they told me that they had miscalculated my pay increase FROM LAST YEAR, and had made the adjustment plus was giving me retro pay. At this point, I was like……c’mon Lord you joking right---lol.
This morning as I was getting ready to leave out the door I remembered that I needed to get my spare key because I was driving in and parking in the office garage. So as I was fumbling through my nightstand drawer, in which I rarely go in, something popped out at me. It was a little cardboard jewelry box. At first I was gonna ignore it cause I was---a little late---but I decided to open it anyway. Would you believe that there was not one pair, but TWO pair of silver hoops in the box. They weren’t new, but I can’t for the life of me remember where they came from, or who gave them to me, or if I bought them for myself. What’s funny is that I NEVER put jewelry in or on my nightstand. When I walk through my front door I start stripping and one of my first stops is at my jewelry box on my dresser. I’m still sitting here baffled. I have no clue where those earrings came from so I’m just gonna believe that the Lord placed them there. Though small, it was as if the Lord had whispered in my ear…… “I got you.”
I’m a living witness that when you release in obedience the Lord will give back to you. I’m learning that sowing/reaping is not just a natural law, but a Spiritual one. When you give with good intentions and motives, oh He will make provisions. And not that I needed proof cause my walk with the Lord is a faith walk. If He tells me to give I’m acting out of obedience. Period. If He never gives back…I’m still good. Cause I’ve decided to submit to His perfect will no matter what it costs me. But He gave back ANYWAY. Cause His Word don’t lie.
“Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this,” says the LORD Almighty, “and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it.” –Malachi 3:10
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Emotions Make You Cry Sometimes
Church was AWESOME today!!! Actually it always is. You know why I love my church, because our leadership knows how to disrupt our personal agendas. No, no. We don’t get those soothing….. “It’s gonna be alright after while” or “Here are the 10 steps to fulfilling destiny” messages. NOPE. We get the “fall on your face and surrender your mess to God and then sit your butt down and learn how to submit to God’s authority--in Jesus Name” messages. LOL. Seriously.
My pastor ain’t concerned with the new wave of the churches these days---the fad churches. He makes it clear that until we are broken we cannot fulfill God’s purpose for our lives. Cause any ministry coming out of an unbroken vessel is operating out of self-motives. I love it. Cause I was thirsting for a church of accountability. Leadership that ain't gonna let me just run with my bright ideas just cause I have gifts and talents that are in full operation outside of the church. Nope. Christ told me to drop it and follow Him. However He chooses to use my gifts and talents is purely up to Him and His timing. But right now……..I’m seeking His face. Not His hand, HIS FACE! Cause I want His perfect will, not His permissive will. I’m tired of doing things my way. Cause my way don’t work. But I’m understanding that to fully surrender to God and allow Him full reign over my life will cost my flesh something. And it doesn’t always feel good.
Which brings me right into my thoughts tonight. Feelings. Emotions. I remember years ago my cousin use to run this song by the 90’s R&B boy band H-Town called Emotions. The lyrics went: “Emotions make you cry sometimes, emotions make you sad sometimes, emotions make you glad sometimes, but most of all they make you fall in love.” One time at a family function I caught him sitting by the lake alone blasting this song while shedding a tear. It seemed strange from a person, a grown 20-something year old man, who seemed to have everything all under control. But witnessing that made me know that everybody has feelings.
(Deep breath). Where in the world do I start without “revealing” too much--lol. No, no…some things are not for everybody’s ear--lol. Anyway, this week has been a week of emotional stories. Ok, it ain’t no secret that everybody cries. And it definitely ain’t no secret that even the strong ones get our feelings hurt. But I’m just thinking that a lot of heartache and headache can be avoided if we stop acting and reacting out of our emotions.
I had a conversation with one of my girlfriends over the weekend…….about men. You know how us single women do---lol. We lay it down! Anyway, we both came to the realization that a man that operates solely out of his emotions is a dangerous thing. We both knew this, but this weekend we took some time to discuss it at length--lol. Over the last few years the Lord has revealed to me that a lot can be determined by examining a man's feelings toward his ex. If a man has bitterness, hatred, and hostility towards his ex…….that’s a huge red flag. Especially when children are involved. Cause those are uncontrollable, undealtwith feelings that will be brought into new relationships. So our conversation was basically that we refuse to settle for a man that God has not approved. PERIOD. And that goes for both emotions rubbing us the right way or wrong way. Period. But when a man has anger management issues that can potentially turn into violence, uuummmm, that clearly is not a man of God. And we’re not accepting that same ole tired line…… “every relationship has problems.” Ummmmm, NOT. Call me after deliverance has taken place. As a matter of fact, I’ll call you when I see the change. And that’s only if the Lord directs.
Then I was having a conversation with another girlfriend and she flat out told me, “Jill my entire life is driven by my emotions.” She said she is trying so hard to break this norm in her life, but she’s finding it to be extremely difficult, which in turn makes her give up trying. Cause she’s driven by emotions. Whatever feels right she does and whatever feels wrong, she doesn’t do. The problem is…..usually what’s right she doesn’t do, and what’s wrong….she does. She’s admitted that her life has been in shambles, as well as a life of paranoia, because of being driven by emotions.
This is such a miserable way to live because you’ll accomplish nothing. I have a colleague that doesn’t come to work if its raining. Not because she’s elderly or don’t have windshield wipers. But because the rain makes her in a somber mood and its best for her to stay home instead of womp womping the office. Then I have another colleague who uses a big light device in her office because of her depression. If the bulb dies out then we’re all in trouble. But to make it easier on her emotions, her boss allows her to work from home in the fall when time goes back just so that she doesn’t fall into a depression at work.
I had a conversation with [my friend] about being led by emotions months ago and he put it so plain. He said that the best way to break emotional patterns is to pump the Word of God all day long. Once you know the Word and what God says about being led by the flesh versus being led by the Spirit, life will become so much easier. And when you get off the Word and rely on self action you’ll know you’re off course.
I’m so understanding this now. Cause I ain’t gonna lie…..sometimes its just easier to say “kiss my _____!” LOL, but as soon as that negativity starts to rise in me I’m reminded of God’s Word; in particularly the ninth fruit of the Spirit----SELF-CONTROL. Yes, yes…..everybody wants to talk about having love and joy and peace and patience, but rarely do we hear about exhibiting self-control. And when you’re talking about matters of the heart and mind, you have to talk about self-control.
Then the other night I had a conversation with my sister about another emotion-----moodiness. I’m telling you….that girl is the funniest person I know. She can tell the most serious story and make me laugh. Anybody laugh. She’s hilarious. Anyway……she was telling me about an associate of ours who is just plain ole MOODY. Ok, don’t get me wrong…..I can be moody too (AND SO CAN SHE!!!) But I ain’t gonna lie, Mondays aren’t always my best. But trust when I tell you……anybody who knows me knows when to leave me be. Especially my colleagues. Don’t call no meeting on a Monday morning. Cause chances are I ain’t coming---lol. And when I’m on a deadline, don’t knock, don’t call, don‘t send an email…….leave me ALONE. And then there are my Sunday afternoons…….awwwww. But for the most part…..we are happy, go-lucky people. If we are in a “mood” we lock ourselves in seclusion. If we dare to come out……trust that we have put on our happy face. That’s both of us. Cause we both realize that it’s so not about us and our feelings.
So me and my sister were discussing a situation about our moody associate and we were cracking up. I mean, how can you call yourself wanting to preach and you can’t even speak to people outside the pulpit. I mean, you speak when you feel like it. If you feel like it. And how can you speak in tongues and not speak to your fellow brethren. I mean there are days when I’m feeling my worse, but you better believe nobody knows it. I remember a couple of months ago I was battling a serious situation, heartache was involved, but I still had a responsibility and commitment to go to my Strike Force class. I so wanted to stay in the bed and sleep it off. But I had to put my feelings aside and be obedient to my commitment. But that Saturday evening as we sat in class, my sister told me later that evening that when she looked at me it seemed as if I was gonna breakdown. She said it looked as if somebody touched me with a feather I would fall over. I remember that day so vividly. Actually, I remember the date as well. To others, I was the same ole chipper Jill. But my sister knows me and so she felt my pain.
That evening, my pastor called an altar call before dismissing class and said that he saw in the Spirit that somebody was going through some heartache. With everything I had in me I got up and went to the altar. I didn’t cry nor did I question God. I simply surrendered the situation cause I refused to take that emotion into another hour of my life. I left there in such peace. For four days I had carried that pain on my back, but the Lord kept reminding me of Psalm 37 and so I decided, I decided, I decided……to release it.
But I don’t care how strong we are and how much of an effort we put into moving forward without emotional baggage, there comes a time when we all surrender into our feelings. I think what is happening is that I’m learning how to deal with my feelings--you know how to act and react in my feelings. How to process my feelings. Anyway, today I hurt. For my best girlfriend. Cause she’s hurting. As she was giving me the rundown late last night, I felt her pain. Cause she really doesn’t deserve it. And so today I hurt. For her. And I’ve been crying too.
Jesus wept. --John 11:35
My pastor ain’t concerned with the new wave of the churches these days---the fad churches. He makes it clear that until we are broken we cannot fulfill God’s purpose for our lives. Cause any ministry coming out of an unbroken vessel is operating out of self-motives. I love it. Cause I was thirsting for a church of accountability. Leadership that ain't gonna let me just run with my bright ideas just cause I have gifts and talents that are in full operation outside of the church. Nope. Christ told me to drop it and follow Him. However He chooses to use my gifts and talents is purely up to Him and His timing. But right now……..I’m seeking His face. Not His hand, HIS FACE! Cause I want His perfect will, not His permissive will. I’m tired of doing things my way. Cause my way don’t work. But I’m understanding that to fully surrender to God and allow Him full reign over my life will cost my flesh something. And it doesn’t always feel good.
Which brings me right into my thoughts tonight. Feelings. Emotions. I remember years ago my cousin use to run this song by the 90’s R&B boy band H-Town called Emotions. The lyrics went: “Emotions make you cry sometimes, emotions make you sad sometimes, emotions make you glad sometimes, but most of all they make you fall in love.” One time at a family function I caught him sitting by the lake alone blasting this song while shedding a tear. It seemed strange from a person, a grown 20-something year old man, who seemed to have everything all under control. But witnessing that made me know that everybody has feelings.
(Deep breath). Where in the world do I start without “revealing” too much--lol. No, no…some things are not for everybody’s ear--lol. Anyway, this week has been a week of emotional stories. Ok, it ain’t no secret that everybody cries. And it definitely ain’t no secret that even the strong ones get our feelings hurt. But I’m just thinking that a lot of heartache and headache can be avoided if we stop acting and reacting out of our emotions.
I had a conversation with one of my girlfriends over the weekend…….about men. You know how us single women do---lol. We lay it down! Anyway, we both came to the realization that a man that operates solely out of his emotions is a dangerous thing. We both knew this, but this weekend we took some time to discuss it at length--lol. Over the last few years the Lord has revealed to me that a lot can be determined by examining a man's feelings toward his ex. If a man has bitterness, hatred, and hostility towards his ex…….that’s a huge red flag. Especially when children are involved. Cause those are uncontrollable, undealtwith feelings that will be brought into new relationships. So our conversation was basically that we refuse to settle for a man that God has not approved. PERIOD. And that goes for both emotions rubbing us the right way or wrong way. Period. But when a man has anger management issues that can potentially turn into violence, uuummmm, that clearly is not a man of God. And we’re not accepting that same ole tired line…… “every relationship has problems.” Ummmmm, NOT. Call me after deliverance has taken place. As a matter of fact, I’ll call you when I see the change. And that’s only if the Lord directs.
Then I was having a conversation with another girlfriend and she flat out told me, “Jill my entire life is driven by my emotions.” She said she is trying so hard to break this norm in her life, but she’s finding it to be extremely difficult, which in turn makes her give up trying. Cause she’s driven by emotions. Whatever feels right she does and whatever feels wrong, she doesn’t do. The problem is…..usually what’s right she doesn’t do, and what’s wrong….she does. She’s admitted that her life has been in shambles, as well as a life of paranoia, because of being driven by emotions.
This is such a miserable way to live because you’ll accomplish nothing. I have a colleague that doesn’t come to work if its raining. Not because she’s elderly or don’t have windshield wipers. But because the rain makes her in a somber mood and its best for her to stay home instead of womp womping the office. Then I have another colleague who uses a big light device in her office because of her depression. If the bulb dies out then we’re all in trouble. But to make it easier on her emotions, her boss allows her to work from home in the fall when time goes back just so that she doesn’t fall into a depression at work.
I had a conversation with [my friend] about being led by emotions months ago and he put it so plain. He said that the best way to break emotional patterns is to pump the Word of God all day long. Once you know the Word and what God says about being led by the flesh versus being led by the Spirit, life will become so much easier. And when you get off the Word and rely on self action you’ll know you’re off course.
I’m so understanding this now. Cause I ain’t gonna lie…..sometimes its just easier to say “kiss my _____!” LOL, but as soon as that negativity starts to rise in me I’m reminded of God’s Word; in particularly the ninth fruit of the Spirit----SELF-CONTROL. Yes, yes…..everybody wants to talk about having love and joy and peace and patience, but rarely do we hear about exhibiting self-control. And when you’re talking about matters of the heart and mind, you have to talk about self-control.
Then the other night I had a conversation with my sister about another emotion-----moodiness. I’m telling you….that girl is the funniest person I know. She can tell the most serious story and make me laugh. Anybody laugh. She’s hilarious. Anyway……she was telling me about an associate of ours who is just plain ole MOODY. Ok, don’t get me wrong…..I can be moody too (AND SO CAN SHE!!!) But I ain’t gonna lie, Mondays aren’t always my best. But trust when I tell you……anybody who knows me knows when to leave me be. Especially my colleagues. Don’t call no meeting on a Monday morning. Cause chances are I ain’t coming---lol. And when I’m on a deadline, don’t knock, don’t call, don‘t send an email…….leave me ALONE. And then there are my Sunday afternoons…….awwwww. But for the most part…..we are happy, go-lucky people. If we are in a “mood” we lock ourselves in seclusion. If we dare to come out……trust that we have put on our happy face. That’s both of us. Cause we both realize that it’s so not about us and our feelings.
So me and my sister were discussing a situation about our moody associate and we were cracking up. I mean, how can you call yourself wanting to preach and you can’t even speak to people outside the pulpit. I mean, you speak when you feel like it. If you feel like it. And how can you speak in tongues and not speak to your fellow brethren. I mean there are days when I’m feeling my worse, but you better believe nobody knows it. I remember a couple of months ago I was battling a serious situation, heartache was involved, but I still had a responsibility and commitment to go to my Strike Force class. I so wanted to stay in the bed and sleep it off. But I had to put my feelings aside and be obedient to my commitment. But that Saturday evening as we sat in class, my sister told me later that evening that when she looked at me it seemed as if I was gonna breakdown. She said it looked as if somebody touched me with a feather I would fall over. I remember that day so vividly. Actually, I remember the date as well. To others, I was the same ole chipper Jill. But my sister knows me and so she felt my pain.
That evening, my pastor called an altar call before dismissing class and said that he saw in the Spirit that somebody was going through some heartache. With everything I had in me I got up and went to the altar. I didn’t cry nor did I question God. I simply surrendered the situation cause I refused to take that emotion into another hour of my life. I left there in such peace. For four days I had carried that pain on my back, but the Lord kept reminding me of Psalm 37 and so I decided, I decided, I decided……to release it.
But I don’t care how strong we are and how much of an effort we put into moving forward without emotional baggage, there comes a time when we all surrender into our feelings. I think what is happening is that I’m learning how to deal with my feelings--you know how to act and react in my feelings. How to process my feelings. Anyway, today I hurt. For my best girlfriend. Cause she’s hurting. As she was giving me the rundown late last night, I felt her pain. Cause she really doesn’t deserve it. And so today I hurt. For her. And I’ve been crying too.
Jesus wept. --John 11:35
Friday, July 24, 2009
The Great Commission
Why do I feel like I’m the only person in the office today? I got in a little late and it feels like I’m super early. Anyway……………… I got something on my mind today. And the timing couldn’t be more perfect. Actually, this thing has been on my mind for a long time, but it didn’t come to the forefront until a couple of weeks ago.
Ok, so a couple of weeks ago I stumbled across some recent photos of Kim Kardashian and her beau Reggie Bush doing their version of “see we love and support Africa too” on their recent trip to the Motherland. Ok, all I can say is……..WHY??????? Other than the fact that this chick told the media that she was in South Africa when in fact she was in Botswana, I knew the trip was “one of those”. One of those…… “I want people to think that I have a heart and truly care and understand issues other than my personal issues”. All the celebrities want the Angelina Jolie image. But not everybody wants to put in the real work. The real work that’s off camera. Kudos to Angie!!!
(Deep breath). Can I just ask a simple question? Thanks. Ok, if the media is recording your philanthropic efforts, does it count? I mean, is it really genuine? Is it really real? Are you really doing good will for others or are you showing good will of yourself? Working in public relations for so many years, as well as studying it in undergrad……I know first hand how the publicity/spin thing goes. Soliciting the media while doing good works sends a huge message. It’s all about image and perception. PR is definitely an art and a science.
I remember a couple of years ago a famous local church pastor and his wife, who just happens to have a huge billboard on one of PG County’s most busiest avenues (I might add--lol), was surprising folk at a local grocery store by paying their grocery bills during the Thanksgiving holiday. The pastor and first lady were randomly walking up to customers at the cash register and telling them to keep their money in their pockets cause they were paying for their groceries. Yes, yes…….they made sure Fox 5 news was filming it. That’s how I saw it. It was hilarious. Very unorganized, but trying to show their media poker faces. They were walking up to folk like they had just hit the lottery. It almost looked like the 70s game show, “Let’s Make a Deal”.
Ok, when I first saw this…..the PR person in me came out. I was sitting there thinking……oh they don’t know what they’re doing. Cause why in the world would you target a grocery store in the hood when most of those folks are on food stamps????? The last thing we worry about in the hood is FOOD. We can take three dollars and feed a family for two days. Ask me how I know!!! We use to buy the store brand of the box mac/cheese that was 3 for a $1, plus a small pack of ground beef and season it up. We’d eat good for dinner and had some leftover for the next day. A lack of food ain’t the problem in the Black community. Trust me when I tell you---lol. But it just proves that we have become so self serving that we keep missing the point.
Last year this time, me and my girlfriend “E” went away to a spiritual retreat down in Virginia. I actually wrote an entry about the trip. It was an AWESOME experience!! I was so hungry for God. The way the retreat is set up, it allows for you to worship God in the rawest form---just you, God, and nature. But others are there too cause there are services all through the day. But I remember waking up to the birds chirping and the sounds of folk worshiping and praying as they walked around the acres of camp grounds. Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. No cameras. No publicity. Only folk wanting to get away from all the hustle and bustle to worship God in peace. You won’t see an advertisement for this no frills place. No, no. They rely solely on the Word of God that says spread the Gospel. And so, others tell of their experiences of healing, restoration, and deliverance causing folk to want to go. Oh…..did I forget to mention….IT’S FREE!!! Lodging and meals are FREE!!!
Anyway, at one of the morning sessions of the retreat this couple got up to speak. They are missionaries who travel all over the world spreading the Gospel of Jesus Christ. And so they told the story of one of their last missions to Nepal, which is located on the border of China and India. Ok, I was all ears. Cause I’d heard about spooky Nepal--lol. What they told us was that hinduism and buddhism are the practiced religions there. And so in a lot of parts, practicing Christianity is banned. Many of the folk there who believe in Christ will have to walk miles and miles up into discreet places in the mountains just to praise and worship God.
So their primary mission/ministry is to provide Christian literature and sometimes transportation via bikes to their places of worship for those who are Christians and those who wants to convert to Christianity. They were telling some stories that were blowing my mind. I remember them telling a story of how they received a warning from Nepal’s authorities to stop spreading the Gospel. They told how they were thrown out many times. So the couple told the congregation that if anyone was interested in helping with their ministry in any type of way that they not send them emails to their Nepal address which was actually printed on a handout given to us. I left there thinking……this is what you call MINISTRY!!!! This is the GREAT COMMISSION.
Ok, so I was watching one of my favorite morning inspirational shows this morning as I was getting ready for work. But this morning’s program was a little different. See, the tele-evangelist had taken her camera crew to Africa, yes you know how they do. They don’t show the richness, beauty, and thriving parts of Africa, they show the worst villages where a bed of flies are stuck on a baby’s eyelids. YES…..its real. I understand that wholeheartedly. I manage a marriage education program for refugees. I've studied many cultures and populations. So the situation is indeed real. But what I don’t understand is why are ministries giving social study lessons on third world countries, begging us for money to purchase a pack of pills that will last 30 days, and then come home to their luxury lifestyles in the states. I mean, WHY?????? Why aren’t we over there preaching healing and deliverance??????? The tele-evangelist spent a whole five minutes talking about some little blue pills that could cure a disease for three years. Three years???????? And then what???????
You know what I always wondered…….I always wondered how much it costs for a television crew to travel to third-world countries with tele-evangelists. Do you really realize how costly it is for a team of media locally and nationally????? Well just imagine…….internationally. Perhaps there are camera crews stationed in those lands, but I seriously doubt that Americans go that route. We’re too possessive for that. We want everything on our own terms---but by using others dollars. Umph. I mean, doesn’t it make more sense to cut the travel expenses and put it towards the actual need?????? I’m sure cutting out a camera crew could buy a whole lotta little blue pills—lol. Seriously, we have become so self-serving in ministry. We do very little wholeheartedly and by the perfect plan of God these days. We all want recognition and honor for the works we do. Proving that we’re good by our works. But that’s the world’s system. That’s how celebrities do it. Somehow they’ve become our model. Umph.
As I was watching the program this morning, the feisty tele-evangelist had the nerve to say that providing medication and meals is the great commission of Christ. No it ain’t!!!! The great commission is spreading the Gospel!!!! If I see another ministry filming themselves walking through Africa with a big bag of rice, a jug of water, or a bucket of shoes I’ma scream. Seriously. Why aren’t we studying the real need??????? Just like the local pastor and first lady was doing. In one land we’re dying from too much food and another not enough. You tell me why we keep thinking that feeding the natural is the answer!!!!!!
(Deep breath). It just goes back to what I was talking about last week. If we aren’t walking in vulnerable situations and healing and deliverance ain’t taking place…..then we need to check ourselves as so-called Christians. That’s me included (deep breath).
You know what we should do……we, the Body of Christ globally, should take one week of shut down—no media---just fasting and falling on our face before the Lord throughout the day for one week. Wherever we are. Just connecting in the Spirit. Do you know the impact we could have on this world????? Umph. I’m down for it.
………if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land. --2 Chronicles 7:14
And Jesus came and spake unto them, saying, all power is given unto me in heaven and in earth. Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost: Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world. Amen. –Matthew 28:18-20
Ok, so a couple of weeks ago I stumbled across some recent photos of Kim Kardashian and her beau Reggie Bush doing their version of “see we love and support Africa too” on their recent trip to the Motherland. Ok, all I can say is……..WHY??????? Other than the fact that this chick told the media that she was in South Africa when in fact she was in Botswana, I knew the trip was “one of those”. One of those…… “I want people to think that I have a heart and truly care and understand issues other than my personal issues”. All the celebrities want the Angelina Jolie image. But not everybody wants to put in the real work. The real work that’s off camera. Kudos to Angie!!!
(Deep breath). Can I just ask a simple question? Thanks. Ok, if the media is recording your philanthropic efforts, does it count? I mean, is it really genuine? Is it really real? Are you really doing good will for others or are you showing good will of yourself? Working in public relations for so many years, as well as studying it in undergrad……I know first hand how the publicity/spin thing goes. Soliciting the media while doing good works sends a huge message. It’s all about image and perception. PR is definitely an art and a science.
I remember a couple of years ago a famous local church pastor and his wife, who just happens to have a huge billboard on one of PG County’s most busiest avenues (I might add--lol), was surprising folk at a local grocery store by paying their grocery bills during the Thanksgiving holiday. The pastor and first lady were randomly walking up to customers at the cash register and telling them to keep their money in their pockets cause they were paying for their groceries. Yes, yes…….they made sure Fox 5 news was filming it. That’s how I saw it. It was hilarious. Very unorganized, but trying to show their media poker faces. They were walking up to folk like they had just hit the lottery. It almost looked like the 70s game show, “Let’s Make a Deal”.
Ok, when I first saw this…..the PR person in me came out. I was sitting there thinking……oh they don’t know what they’re doing. Cause why in the world would you target a grocery store in the hood when most of those folks are on food stamps????? The last thing we worry about in the hood is FOOD. We can take three dollars and feed a family for two days. Ask me how I know!!! We use to buy the store brand of the box mac/cheese that was 3 for a $1, plus a small pack of ground beef and season it up. We’d eat good for dinner and had some leftover for the next day. A lack of food ain’t the problem in the Black community. Trust me when I tell you---lol. But it just proves that we have become so self serving that we keep missing the point.
Last year this time, me and my girlfriend “E” went away to a spiritual retreat down in Virginia. I actually wrote an entry about the trip. It was an AWESOME experience!! I was so hungry for God. The way the retreat is set up, it allows for you to worship God in the rawest form---just you, God, and nature. But others are there too cause there are services all through the day. But I remember waking up to the birds chirping and the sounds of folk worshiping and praying as they walked around the acres of camp grounds. Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. No cameras. No publicity. Only folk wanting to get away from all the hustle and bustle to worship God in peace. You won’t see an advertisement for this no frills place. No, no. They rely solely on the Word of God that says spread the Gospel. And so, others tell of their experiences of healing, restoration, and deliverance causing folk to want to go. Oh…..did I forget to mention….IT’S FREE!!! Lodging and meals are FREE!!!
Anyway, at one of the morning sessions of the retreat this couple got up to speak. They are missionaries who travel all over the world spreading the Gospel of Jesus Christ. And so they told the story of one of their last missions to Nepal, which is located on the border of China and India. Ok, I was all ears. Cause I’d heard about spooky Nepal--lol. What they told us was that hinduism and buddhism are the practiced religions there. And so in a lot of parts, practicing Christianity is banned. Many of the folk there who believe in Christ will have to walk miles and miles up into discreet places in the mountains just to praise and worship God.
So their primary mission/ministry is to provide Christian literature and sometimes transportation via bikes to their places of worship for those who are Christians and those who wants to convert to Christianity. They were telling some stories that were blowing my mind. I remember them telling a story of how they received a warning from Nepal’s authorities to stop spreading the Gospel. They told how they were thrown out many times. So the couple told the congregation that if anyone was interested in helping with their ministry in any type of way that they not send them emails to their Nepal address which was actually printed on a handout given to us. I left there thinking……this is what you call MINISTRY!!!! This is the GREAT COMMISSION.
Ok, so I was watching one of my favorite morning inspirational shows this morning as I was getting ready for work. But this morning’s program was a little different. See, the tele-evangelist had taken her camera crew to Africa, yes you know how they do. They don’t show the richness, beauty, and thriving parts of Africa, they show the worst villages where a bed of flies are stuck on a baby’s eyelids. YES…..its real. I understand that wholeheartedly. I manage a marriage education program for refugees. I've studied many cultures and populations. So the situation is indeed real. But what I don’t understand is why are ministries giving social study lessons on third world countries, begging us for money to purchase a pack of pills that will last 30 days, and then come home to their luxury lifestyles in the states. I mean, WHY?????? Why aren’t we over there preaching healing and deliverance??????? The tele-evangelist spent a whole five minutes talking about some little blue pills that could cure a disease for three years. Three years???????? And then what???????
You know what I always wondered…….I always wondered how much it costs for a television crew to travel to third-world countries with tele-evangelists. Do you really realize how costly it is for a team of media locally and nationally????? Well just imagine…….internationally. Perhaps there are camera crews stationed in those lands, but I seriously doubt that Americans go that route. We’re too possessive for that. We want everything on our own terms---but by using others dollars. Umph. I mean, doesn’t it make more sense to cut the travel expenses and put it towards the actual need?????? I’m sure cutting out a camera crew could buy a whole lotta little blue pills—lol. Seriously, we have become so self-serving in ministry. We do very little wholeheartedly and by the perfect plan of God these days. We all want recognition and honor for the works we do. Proving that we’re good by our works. But that’s the world’s system. That’s how celebrities do it. Somehow they’ve become our model. Umph.
As I was watching the program this morning, the feisty tele-evangelist had the nerve to say that providing medication and meals is the great commission of Christ. No it ain’t!!!! The great commission is spreading the Gospel!!!! If I see another ministry filming themselves walking through Africa with a big bag of rice, a jug of water, or a bucket of shoes I’ma scream. Seriously. Why aren’t we studying the real need??????? Just like the local pastor and first lady was doing. In one land we’re dying from too much food and another not enough. You tell me why we keep thinking that feeding the natural is the answer!!!!!!
(Deep breath). It just goes back to what I was talking about last week. If we aren’t walking in vulnerable situations and healing and deliverance ain’t taking place…..then we need to check ourselves as so-called Christians. That’s me included (deep breath).
You know what we should do……we, the Body of Christ globally, should take one week of shut down—no media---just fasting and falling on our face before the Lord throughout the day for one week. Wherever we are. Just connecting in the Spirit. Do you know the impact we could have on this world????? Umph. I’m down for it.
………if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land. --2 Chronicles 7:14
And Jesus came and spake unto them, saying, all power is given unto me in heaven and in earth. Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost: Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world. Amen. –Matthew 28:18-20
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
The Originals
I got a phone call this morning that brought me to tears.
Wow, what can I say. That darn Facebook has its faults, but bottomline……it ain’t nothing but the truth. A few months ago, one of my childhood girlfriends, “E”, got in touch with me through FB. I was quite surprised for a number of reasons, but when I saw the message with her name on it I screamed. A few weeks after that, we went Facebooking for our other childhood girlfriends (I call us the Originals which could offend some of the others but hey….just being honest--lol) and was able to find two of the other originals, “P” and “C”. Unfortunately, we couldn’t find the last original, “T”, but we still did our catch-up thing by email and then by phone.
Chatting with the girls, even though we were less one, was such a delight. We hadn’t seen or spoken to each other in years. But we’re actually right on target cause God’s timing is impeccable. We were about 10 years old when we all started moving out of the neighborhood and going our separate ways. At 20 we all got together for “E’s” son’s birth. And at 30 for “P’s” baby shower. Next year we’ll be turning 40, so we’re right on target.
I think it was the fall of 1974 when I moved from New York to Maryland. My great-grandmother had a sister who lived in DC and a brother in MD. Coming from Jamaica, NY I think my great-grandmother made a wise choice in opting to reside in Maryland near her brother. With my great-grandfather, my mother, and my oldest sister in tow we were excited about our new transition to a place we luuuuved to visit.
I was the first of the Originals on the scene---lol. The GW scene in Seat Pleasant. And the oldest of all by 2 months I might add—lol. This says a lot about my personality and character---lol. I was almost 5 years old and in the kindergarten when we moved there. I remember it was cold out when we moved in. Shortly, after I moved in, “T” moved in the very next building with her five brothers and sisters, and mom and step dad. The way I always remember “T” is being cool, calm and laid back. She was the “T-Boz” of the group. Very much in control. Both of our buildings were located in the “court”. The court was comprised of three buildings in a U shape in the middle of the neighborhood. The court was the most popular section and was the best buildings out of the 11 that made up the small, quaint apartment complex.
In the summer that me and “T” were going to the first grade, “C” moved in “T’s” building with her mother and grandmother. “C” was very sweet and cheery. If you’d relate us to the Sex and the City girls, “C” would be Charlotte hands down. “C” was an only child and looked at every situation through rose-colored glasses. Somehow I don’t remember exactly when “P” came on the scene, but it had to be when me, “T”, and “C” were in the first grade. “P” was a year younger, so we adopted her as our little sister; more because of her petite size rather than her age. “P” moved into my building with her parents and two older brothers. She was feisty. And spoke her mind with confidence. Though younger, there ain’t no originals without “Lil P”.
Then when me, “T”, and “C” were in the second grade, “E” moved in “T” and “C’s” building with her mother and younger brother. Oh, “E” made an entrance in our neighborhood. We knew exactly when she arrived on the scene. She actually held up our school bus on her first day of school because…………that’s “E”—lol. If you think of UPN Girlfriends, “E” would be Toni. You can either find her sitting on top of the world or stretched out under it. She is to the extreme. Always felt like she had to take on the entire world to prove a point---lol.
In 1977, the Originals were officially formed. Five different personalities that fit perfectly like 5 fingers in a leather glove. We were in the second grade (“P” in the first grade). Though we had tons of other friends and associates in the neighborhood, there was something about our bond that was unbreakable. We’ve talked about this over the years, but I just need to express it today that if you look up the word “girlfriends” in the dictionary you would see our photos. We learned the value of friendship from an early age. No pretentiousness, no fighting, no backstabbing…..none of that.
If there was a problem with one, there was a problem with all. All of our mothers were struggling, some even on welfare, and trying to make ends meet. We all got free lunch and were quite proud of it. Some, if not all, of our mothers were into smoking “herb” or drinking, but we dealt with it. And proud to say that we all turned out to be decent, responsible chicks. Only two of us had a relationship with our fathers and we milked both of them as if they were all of our daddies—lol. And they both stepped into that role with no problem. It was nothing for “C’s” father to pile us all up in his little Toyota and take us to Anacostia Park. We’d be content for hours playing with our Barbie dolls while “daddy” distressed from his unimaginable issues.
Just recently, “E” asked me how we’d get to church all the way up in northwest since nobody’s mother had a car. I reminded her that we’d get on the bus with my great-grandmother. All of us. We have stories amongst stories. Some funny, some sad, some outrageous, and some just plain old unnecessary. But the point is, as “E” points out, it was all pure and innocent, and filled with unconditional love.
I was the first to move from the neighborhood. My great-grandfather had just passed away the year before, and like clockwork my great-grandmother passed a year and some months later. I was 11 years old. And so we ended up moving to Landover with my mother. I remember when I was leaving there was a weird feeling. As much as I hurt, and as much as I loved my girlfriends and knew that I would miss them, I was looking forward to change. Again, this says a lot about my personality today. I looked at it as a new opportunity. The funny thing is that just how we moved into GW, we moved out in that same order. Me first, followed by “T” the next year, and then “C”, “P”, and I believe “E” was the last to leave. Don’t quite remember who was actually last. But we all moved on with our lives.
When we were in the 7th grade, I had my 12th birthday slumber party. The originals and a few others came to my house in Landover and we had a BLASSST. That was the last time we were all together in our childhood. Since that time I’d go over to “T’s” new house during our middle school years, or talk to “E” on the phone, but I lost contact with “C” and “P” totally. Every now and again, we’d bump into someone from the neighborhood and get updates, but rarely. And so we all never stayed close collectively during our teens. “T” and “E” spent a lot of their teenage and young adult years together, and me and “E” spent a good amount of adult years together. And “C” and “P”, well they were the glue out the bunch…….they remain best friends to this day—lol. As I mentioned, the next time we were all together after my slumber party was when we were 20 years old.
Over the years, the five of us have experienced life’s ups and downs. From divorce, to burying a husband, to dealing with deadbeat dad issues, to hanging on to uncertain relationships, to spending umpteen years trying to find a mystery father to heartbreaks to setbacks. Life has knocked each and every one of us down at one point, but I must say…….our triumphs and accomplishments so outweigh the bad. I can’t even begin to name all of our accomplishments, but for five little innocent girls coming from the ‘hood in Seat Pleasant……uuuuhhhhh, God is good. All of us, and I mean all FIVE of us, know the Lord. We’ve all went down five different paths, but we all ended up on this Christian journey.
A few weeks ago, as me, “E”, “P”, and “C” chatted on Facebook, we were trying to set a “reunion” date. But I just felt really undecided without “T”. I mean, yes I want to see my girls, but I want to see ALL of them. I wanted to hear “T’s” memories and laughter. The strong one on the outside, but in our secret circle would cry in a heartbeat. The one who had the most confidence and who all the boys wanted to go with—lol. I wanted to see and hear from “T”. The last we’d heard from “E” through a third-party was that “T” was preparing for a June wedding, in which she was finally marrying her teenage sweetheart. She was also preparing to send her youngest son to Penn State to pursue a professional football career. But that was it. I understand she’d be busy. But I wanted to hear from her. I did get her number and left a message, but no return call. The voice on the phone was clearly not her. If it was indeed the right number she didn’t answer or return the call. I just chalked it up to……she’s either extremely busy or she’s just simply moved on with her life. We all accepted that.
Over the months me and “E” have been talking a lot and realizing how our characters and thoughts about life are derived from our childhood; from our friendship. We both discovered that our friendship then has set the bar and standard for our friendships today. Loyalty is a must. Communication is a must. We’d spend hours upon hours in deep conversation. We’d sit on the merry-go-round at the “piece of a” playground or in the pool and just bond. Even to this day, me and “E” can talk on the phone for hours at a time. Cause our friendships back then had no clock. We were just laughing on the phone that we’d leave the house at 9am and not return until 9pm. We NEVER tired of each other. We’d go to school together, all be in the same class together, go out to recess and play double dutch together with our little Palmer Park friends, and come home and play kickball together til it was time to go to bed. To this day……strong communication is extremely important in all my relationships.
And though ride or die chicks (cause when you offended one, you offended all—lol), our friendship wasn’t limited to going-along-to-get-along. Nope. If one of us was wrong we dealt with it. If one of us started a fight, then you took responsibility for it. But though “mouthy” girls, we were good, wholesome girls and were well liked. We spoke our mind and said what we felt. It showed on our face. There was no way around it. All of us. We disagreed on many instances, but it never broke us apart. And we never fought one another. We got together at whoever’s house and we laid our issues and feelings on the table (I was always the peacemaker—lol). We never felt like we were risking our friendship by doing so. We were free to be real with one another. No competitiveness and no pretentiousness. What you saw was what you got. Period. And at 7 and 8 years old we understood our value and our worth to one another. There was a bully in the neighborhood who tried to play us against each other, but even in that, we remained resilient and committed to one another. As I said, even though others came along and many friendships were formed amongst us in that neighborhood, the “originals” relationship spoke volumes.
Yesterday we received an email from “P”. We’re still trying to put together our reunion with at least the four of us originals, as well as with other girlfriends from the neighborhood. It would be good to see those who we’ve reconnected with, thanks to “P”. We had hoped to get together on short notice this past Saturday at a basketball tournament with the GW and Seat Pleasant boys, in our old neighborhood. It would have been the perfect reunion, but more than enough of us had previous plans. So “P” will probably plan something at her house in the near future.
As I was coming out of the gym this morning, I was just thanking God for another day. It was just a special feeling in the air. I had just finished working out and was getting in my car when a 202 number came up on my caller ID. When my phone buzzed it startled me because uuummm.......I don’t usually get phone calls at 6am-ish--lol. But when I answered it was a very perky voice that began talking to me as if we were finishing a conversation from last night. For a good 30 seconds I answered her normal, basic questions until finally I said…………….WHO IS THIS???????? In a very calm voice that was obviously smiling, she said…… “girl, this is “T”. I screamed so loud as tears began falling. She was overjoyed as well. We talked on the phone for a good half hour, and then I called “E”. And we talked for another half hour. I totally lost track of time. I was late for work, and had to end up driving to the metro cause I missed my bus. But it was all worth it.
A friend loves at all times……. --Proverbs 17:17
Wow, what can I say. That darn Facebook has its faults, but bottomline……it ain’t nothing but the truth. A few months ago, one of my childhood girlfriends, “E”, got in touch with me through FB. I was quite surprised for a number of reasons, but when I saw the message with her name on it I screamed. A few weeks after that, we went Facebooking for our other childhood girlfriends (I call us the Originals which could offend some of the others but hey….just being honest--lol) and was able to find two of the other originals, “P” and “C”. Unfortunately, we couldn’t find the last original, “T”, but we still did our catch-up thing by email and then by phone.
Chatting with the girls, even though we were less one, was such a delight. We hadn’t seen or spoken to each other in years. But we’re actually right on target cause God’s timing is impeccable. We were about 10 years old when we all started moving out of the neighborhood and going our separate ways. At 20 we all got together for “E’s” son’s birth. And at 30 for “P’s” baby shower. Next year we’ll be turning 40, so we’re right on target.
I think it was the fall of 1974 when I moved from New York to Maryland. My great-grandmother had a sister who lived in DC and a brother in MD. Coming from Jamaica, NY I think my great-grandmother made a wise choice in opting to reside in Maryland near her brother. With my great-grandfather, my mother, and my oldest sister in tow we were excited about our new transition to a place we luuuuved to visit.
I was the first of the Originals on the scene---lol. The GW scene in Seat Pleasant. And the oldest of all by 2 months I might add—lol. This says a lot about my personality and character---lol. I was almost 5 years old and in the kindergarten when we moved there. I remember it was cold out when we moved in. Shortly, after I moved in, “T” moved in the very next building with her five brothers and sisters, and mom and step dad. The way I always remember “T” is being cool, calm and laid back. She was the “T-Boz” of the group. Very much in control. Both of our buildings were located in the “court”. The court was comprised of three buildings in a U shape in the middle of the neighborhood. The court was the most popular section and was the best buildings out of the 11 that made up the small, quaint apartment complex.
In the summer that me and “T” were going to the first grade, “C” moved in “T’s” building with her mother and grandmother. “C” was very sweet and cheery. If you’d relate us to the Sex and the City girls, “C” would be Charlotte hands down. “C” was an only child and looked at every situation through rose-colored glasses. Somehow I don’t remember exactly when “P” came on the scene, but it had to be when me, “T”, and “C” were in the first grade. “P” was a year younger, so we adopted her as our little sister; more because of her petite size rather than her age. “P” moved into my building with her parents and two older brothers. She was feisty. And spoke her mind with confidence. Though younger, there ain’t no originals without “Lil P”.
Then when me, “T”, and “C” were in the second grade, “E” moved in “T” and “C’s” building with her mother and younger brother. Oh, “E” made an entrance in our neighborhood. We knew exactly when she arrived on the scene. She actually held up our school bus on her first day of school because…………that’s “E”—lol. If you think of UPN Girlfriends, “E” would be Toni. You can either find her sitting on top of the world or stretched out under it. She is to the extreme. Always felt like she had to take on the entire world to prove a point---lol.
In 1977, the Originals were officially formed. Five different personalities that fit perfectly like 5 fingers in a leather glove. We were in the second grade (“P” in the first grade). Though we had tons of other friends and associates in the neighborhood, there was something about our bond that was unbreakable. We’ve talked about this over the years, but I just need to express it today that if you look up the word “girlfriends” in the dictionary you would see our photos. We learned the value of friendship from an early age. No pretentiousness, no fighting, no backstabbing…..none of that.
If there was a problem with one, there was a problem with all. All of our mothers were struggling, some even on welfare, and trying to make ends meet. We all got free lunch and were quite proud of it. Some, if not all, of our mothers were into smoking “herb” or drinking, but we dealt with it. And proud to say that we all turned out to be decent, responsible chicks. Only two of us had a relationship with our fathers and we milked both of them as if they were all of our daddies—lol. And they both stepped into that role with no problem. It was nothing for “C’s” father to pile us all up in his little Toyota and take us to Anacostia Park. We’d be content for hours playing with our Barbie dolls while “daddy” distressed from his unimaginable issues.
Just recently, “E” asked me how we’d get to church all the way up in northwest since nobody’s mother had a car. I reminded her that we’d get on the bus with my great-grandmother. All of us. We have stories amongst stories. Some funny, some sad, some outrageous, and some just plain old unnecessary. But the point is, as “E” points out, it was all pure and innocent, and filled with unconditional love.
I was the first to move from the neighborhood. My great-grandfather had just passed away the year before, and like clockwork my great-grandmother passed a year and some months later. I was 11 years old. And so we ended up moving to Landover with my mother. I remember when I was leaving there was a weird feeling. As much as I hurt, and as much as I loved my girlfriends and knew that I would miss them, I was looking forward to change. Again, this says a lot about my personality today. I looked at it as a new opportunity. The funny thing is that just how we moved into GW, we moved out in that same order. Me first, followed by “T” the next year, and then “C”, “P”, and I believe “E” was the last to leave. Don’t quite remember who was actually last. But we all moved on with our lives.
When we were in the 7th grade, I had my 12th birthday slumber party. The originals and a few others came to my house in Landover and we had a BLASSST. That was the last time we were all together in our childhood. Since that time I’d go over to “T’s” new house during our middle school years, or talk to “E” on the phone, but I lost contact with “C” and “P” totally. Every now and again, we’d bump into someone from the neighborhood and get updates, but rarely. And so we all never stayed close collectively during our teens. “T” and “E” spent a lot of their teenage and young adult years together, and me and “E” spent a good amount of adult years together. And “C” and “P”, well they were the glue out the bunch…….they remain best friends to this day—lol. As I mentioned, the next time we were all together after my slumber party was when we were 20 years old.
Over the years, the five of us have experienced life’s ups and downs. From divorce, to burying a husband, to dealing with deadbeat dad issues, to hanging on to uncertain relationships, to spending umpteen years trying to find a mystery father to heartbreaks to setbacks. Life has knocked each and every one of us down at one point, but I must say…….our triumphs and accomplishments so outweigh the bad. I can’t even begin to name all of our accomplishments, but for five little innocent girls coming from the ‘hood in Seat Pleasant……uuuuhhhhh, God is good. All of us, and I mean all FIVE of us, know the Lord. We’ve all went down five different paths, but we all ended up on this Christian journey.
A few weeks ago, as me, “E”, “P”, and “C” chatted on Facebook, we were trying to set a “reunion” date. But I just felt really undecided without “T”. I mean, yes I want to see my girls, but I want to see ALL of them. I wanted to hear “T’s” memories and laughter. The strong one on the outside, but in our secret circle would cry in a heartbeat. The one who had the most confidence and who all the boys wanted to go with—lol. I wanted to see and hear from “T”. The last we’d heard from “E” through a third-party was that “T” was preparing for a June wedding, in which she was finally marrying her teenage sweetheart. She was also preparing to send her youngest son to Penn State to pursue a professional football career. But that was it. I understand she’d be busy. But I wanted to hear from her. I did get her number and left a message, but no return call. The voice on the phone was clearly not her. If it was indeed the right number she didn’t answer or return the call. I just chalked it up to……she’s either extremely busy or she’s just simply moved on with her life. We all accepted that.
Over the months me and “E” have been talking a lot and realizing how our characters and thoughts about life are derived from our childhood; from our friendship. We both discovered that our friendship then has set the bar and standard for our friendships today. Loyalty is a must. Communication is a must. We’d spend hours upon hours in deep conversation. We’d sit on the merry-go-round at the “piece of a” playground or in the pool and just bond. Even to this day, me and “E” can talk on the phone for hours at a time. Cause our friendships back then had no clock. We were just laughing on the phone that we’d leave the house at 9am and not return until 9pm. We NEVER tired of each other. We’d go to school together, all be in the same class together, go out to recess and play double dutch together with our little Palmer Park friends, and come home and play kickball together til it was time to go to bed. To this day……strong communication is extremely important in all my relationships.
And though ride or die chicks (cause when you offended one, you offended all—lol), our friendship wasn’t limited to going-along-to-get-along. Nope. If one of us was wrong we dealt with it. If one of us started a fight, then you took responsibility for it. But though “mouthy” girls, we were good, wholesome girls and were well liked. We spoke our mind and said what we felt. It showed on our face. There was no way around it. All of us. We disagreed on many instances, but it never broke us apart. And we never fought one another. We got together at whoever’s house and we laid our issues and feelings on the table (I was always the peacemaker—lol). We never felt like we were risking our friendship by doing so. We were free to be real with one another. No competitiveness and no pretentiousness. What you saw was what you got. Period. And at 7 and 8 years old we understood our value and our worth to one another. There was a bully in the neighborhood who tried to play us against each other, but even in that, we remained resilient and committed to one another. As I said, even though others came along and many friendships were formed amongst us in that neighborhood, the “originals” relationship spoke volumes.
Yesterday we received an email from “P”. We’re still trying to put together our reunion with at least the four of us originals, as well as with other girlfriends from the neighborhood. It would be good to see those who we’ve reconnected with, thanks to “P”. We had hoped to get together on short notice this past Saturday at a basketball tournament with the GW and Seat Pleasant boys, in our old neighborhood. It would have been the perfect reunion, but more than enough of us had previous plans. So “P” will probably plan something at her house in the near future.
As I was coming out of the gym this morning, I was just thanking God for another day. It was just a special feeling in the air. I had just finished working out and was getting in my car when a 202 number came up on my caller ID. When my phone buzzed it startled me because uuummm.......I don’t usually get phone calls at 6am-ish--lol. But when I answered it was a very perky voice that began talking to me as if we were finishing a conversation from last night. For a good 30 seconds I answered her normal, basic questions until finally I said…………….WHO IS THIS???????? In a very calm voice that was obviously smiling, she said…… “girl, this is “T”. I screamed so loud as tears began falling. She was overjoyed as well. We talked on the phone for a good half hour, and then I called “E”. And we talked for another half hour. I totally lost track of time. I was late for work, and had to end up driving to the metro cause I missed my bus. But it was all worth it.
A friend loves at all times……. --Proverbs 17:17
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Direct Connect
It never fails. I’ll either vent about something in an entry or have a conversation with somebody or have some type of encounter with someone about a subject matter, and very soon after I will come across a man/woman of God who will confirm everything I expressed. It happens often from writing these entries. And I’m not talking about light stuff or one-size-fits-all stuff, but I’m talking verbatim.
Anyway, so Friday I was having a deep conversation with my colleague and on Friday night my pastor confirmed everything we discussed. It amazes me every time. I can’t even tell you how she and I got into this deep discussion, but that doesn’t even matter. Cause I know it was ordained by God. She actually sits right next to me and so by it being a really laid back Friday, although we were both extremely busy as I was coming back from the bathroom I peaked in her office to chat.
Again, I don’t know how the conversation originated but it ended up being about a personal situation she’s going through. My colleague is a new convert. She’s always acknowledged God and believed that Jesus exists, but just recently she officially gave her life to Christ and so things are starting to change for her. She’s changed. And its evident. Almost scary. I knew the other her. A run-her-mouth type of chick. A couple of years ago we argued so bad that I was up in her face about to knock her out. Our other colleagues had to come in between us. That day I had to take one for the team cause a couple of us were fed up with her. But that’s another entry. And was years ago. Since then…..well we both found Jesus. Or should I say……He found us!!! Our relationship has always been professional even when our personalities crossed, but now there is a Spiritual connection and we have come in agreement with one another to tackle some of the demons that are floating around in our workplace.
So I stopped in her office and she told me that she had gone to lunch with her childhood girlfriend and came back real hurt. She said she and her girlfriend were having a discussion about one of their other girlfriends who my colleague said that the other girlfriend told her that since she became “saved” she doesn’t have an interest in their friendship anymore. So my colleague was expressing this to her girlfriend over lunch and so she told her girlfriend that you know…..she can’t just cut off talking about Jesus cause she’s had a personal encounter with Him and knows that He is indeed real. She also told her that she doesn’t understand why their other girlfriend doesn’t accept her for who God is making her to be. But then this girlfriend dropped a bombshell on her. She told her…… “well to be quite honest with you I don’t believe that you have to have Jesus in order to have a relationship with God either.”
My colleague, who is a people person by heart, was expressing this to me and was quite hurt. I could hear it in her voice and saw it on her face. And so she was expressing to me that being a new convert she doesn’t know how to respond. Of course her pastor could give her scriptures to give them, but when one has cut off circulation to Christ the Word is not gonna go but so far. Talk about the Word, my colleague said that on a couple of her recent emails to her mass recipients she ended with “Jesus is Lord” or “Praying for you all”, or even quoted a scripture. And she said a couple of folk took offense to it. Some were offended and responded jokingly, but others took it to the extreme. She said that one of her husband’s friends backed out on a group trip and later told them that it was because he wasn’t trying to hear about Jesus. Wow.
So my colleague was hurt and baffled to say the least. And so she was looking to me for understanding, and I was stuck. I mean, I ain’t never come across associates who said they didn’t believe in Jesus. I mean, most of my issues with folk on this Christian journey are those who claim to know Jesus, but ain’t living it. So when she asked my opinion…..I was a little stuck. I did, however, explain to her that she is now going through a sifting process. She and her husband both. They both have given their life to Christ and have decided that they, and their two boys, are gonna live for Christ. I so admire her now. Really I do. There’s such a radiance over her.
So I was a little stuck about how she should go about telling those who inquire why they indeed have to believe in Jesus to get to God. It’s basically that Oprah mental-bondage, spiritually-damaged, self-reliant crap. But then the Holy Spirit gave me an analogy to give her. The analogy worked so well because she absolutely luuuuvs her husband and two boys. She lives for them. And because it brought an answer down to her understanding in which she can pass on to others instead of trying to push scriptures that will not be understood or accepted. Now let me put a disclaimer out there before I get emails rebuking me. I know just the circle of folk who will---lol. THIS IS ONLY FOR ANALOGY PURPOSES. IN NO WAY CAN I RELATE ANYTHING OR ANYBODY TO THE SOVEREIGNTY OF GOD. HE IS……AND IS ONLY. AGAIN, THIS IS FOR ANALOGY PURPOSES ONLY. TO GET A POINT ACROSS. Lol. Gotta do that cause religious fanatics will start leaving me all kinds of weird messages.
Ok, here goes.
So I told my colleague to imagine that President Obama was God. For the last few years, since she saw this brilliant man on the political scene she has taken a liken to him. Cause he’s powerful. And he’s talking her language. However, she can only go by what she sees and hears on television…..cause she really doesn’t know him, know him. I mean…..he has her same characteristics and is pushing for the same change in which she’s agreeing with, but her relationship with him is a little distant. Cause she’s never personally met him. But she’s cool with the distance cause she has a connection. She feels his pain and power. And he’s showing it back to her. Through the media. But she has another connection that many others do not have. See, they both reside in the nations capitol. And so every now again she’ll get the benefit of seeing his motorcade ride down Pennsylvania Avenue and may get a glimpse at his face. She has a great chance at that. And it intrigues her loved ones who live afar. That she resides and works where Obama lives and works. Secretly, even if she doesn’t ever see him in person, its cool cause she’s gonna benefit in some type of way from the power of his position. Cause he told her she would. When she saw him on television. So there is a connection.
But then, as she’s going about her daily life “embracing change” she meets a man in the grocery store. At first she’s not interested. But when she accidentally looks into his eyes she feels a connection with this man. Cause he’s intriguing. It’s something about him that interests her. So they play peek-a-boo from aisle to aisle until finally the man will walk down her aisle and introduce himself. She’s looking into the man’s eyes and falling for him. Don’t know what it is…..he just go “it”. Over the next few months they get to know each other and during that course of getting to know each other, the guy reveals that his father is President Obama. Ok, you see where I’m going with this.
Ok, now since she has established a relationship with this guy, who by the way has asked her hand in marriage, she now gets to meet her father-in-law. Let’s just imagine that there are no Sasha and Malia---lol. Maybe Michelle, but no other children. Just the son. Cause that’s what dude told her. And she believes it. Cause the proof is there. LOL. So she gets to go to the White House, have good conversation with Obama, even hang out and play a game or two of one-on-one, or maybe a game of Scrabble. Personal time is unlimited. And situations behind closed doors she has access to. Any career hook-up she needs, she’s got it. Cause her in-laws got connections. She’s now flying on Airforce One, going to all the social and political events, having access to Michelle’s stylist, and even traveling to many nations with the Obamas. She’s walking the red carpets and being recognized as “the first daughter-in-law”. She’s getting ALL the benefits. She can actually walk up to the White House and get in. Cause there’s a relationship. They know her. Because of the relationship they’ve built…….through their son.
So they get married. And she’s enjoying the good life with her in-laws and they are loving on her. Cause she’s officially an Obama. Things aren’t PERFECT between her and her husband, but they’re not deal breakers. Every now and again a disagreement will ensue. Like any other relationship where you go running for answers and understanding. But then she starts listening to and taking advice from her girlfriends. And it starts to cause a rift in her marriage. She and her husband start to have real problems because of this. Her ego is big and she’s making a fool and mockery out of the relationship. Giving the Obama’s a bad name.
So she walks away from the marriage. Cause by this time she has come across enough “successful” folk in the circle that she has been in and so now she’s running her own celebrity image. And not really realizing she’s walking away from the marriage…..she walks away. And the husband lets her go. He has a talk with his father and have agreed to let her go. He turns her over to the life in which she’s indulging in. So there is a disconnect. No longer can she walk up to the White House and expect access. The relationship is broken.
For a while she still rides off of her “success” and image. Cause afterall, she’s still an Obama til futher notice. At least that’s the name she’s riding off of. But then it becomes a fallacy and she starts to realize that people ain’t buying her mess no more. And the access she used to have……oh that faded. Doors have indeed closed. The Obama circle is now rejecting her. Cause she messed up. And they understand the other side. She’s realizing that she messed up and so slowly but surely she begins to breakdown. Tearing off that pretentious image.
Then she realizes that she has made a mistake. And so she goes back to her husband and asks for forgiveness and they start to work things out. He accepts her back with open arms. Cause she loves her husband. And he loves her more. He, being led by a good father and good family man, sets some boundaries. He gives her da bid’ness, as my girlfriend “E” would say. He lays it down. In order for the relationship to work. They begin to rebuild. This time focusing on the relationship, not the image.
Just when she “gets it” and is living a life for she and her husband, as he had anticipated from the beginning, she finds out that she is pregnant. I wish I had time to talk about the seed, but that will have to be another entry. I’ve been studying it for the last few weeks. The SEED is deep. Spiritually, the seed is indeed the Holy Spirit. But this is where a lot of Christians miss it. The Holy Spirit can walk with you until you leave this earth, but its not until it is IN YOU that real change and fullness with the father will come. But the seed has to be watered in order for it to grow. For their to be a manifestation on earth, the seed has to be nurtured. Bottomline.
Back to the analogy……the son is born. A little Obama. And no matter how her life changes, if her husband dies and she remarries; she can move to the other side of the world, but there will always be a solid relationship with President Obama cause she’s raising his offspring. She’s carrying his heir. So the relationship can NEVER be cut off. She can have full access to the promises of the father because his son left his Holy Spirit, not just to walk with her, but to live within her. Anybody who knows the connection with a mother and her son can relate. I hear it ALL the time. There’s one thing to adopt a son and build a solid loving relationship to die for, but it takes it to a whole new dimension when a son is birthed through you. Umph.
Of course I went a in a little more detail in this entry with the analogy, but after I gave it to my colleague, she was in tears. She said……you’re right. That’s like my girlfriends telling me that while we are hanging out we can never talk about “my husband” (or my sons). But we can talk about his father. President Obama. She started laughing. We both started laughing and was saying again how everybody wants the benefits, but they ain’t trying to take the entire package. She kept looking at me like….I get it. I get it. The funny thing is that our conversation went so beyond the initial topic of having to go through Jesus to get to the father, but we actually started speaking about the Holy Spirit. A subject that a lot of church folk either don’t understand or don’t want to fully accept. I mean, its nice to have the Holy Spirit with me, but it’s a whole another experience to have the Holy Spirit live IN ME.
My pastor was telling us on Friday night that when folk doubt Christ and say that they can go to God without going through Christ we have to be firm and let them know that…… “I don’t know what god you’re referring to, but the God I serve is the God of the scriptures. The God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. The everlasting God. The Lord of lords.” No need to argue for there have been made many gods on this earth, but on judgment day it will be revealed. Until then, walk in faith.
Before I left her office, my colleague looked at me and said……. “the sifting process, huh.” And I looked back and said…. “brace yourself sistah cause you bout to go through the fire, but trust me…….is just a refining process.”
Jesus said to him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.” --John 14:6
Anyway, so Friday I was having a deep conversation with my colleague and on Friday night my pastor confirmed everything we discussed. It amazes me every time. I can’t even tell you how she and I got into this deep discussion, but that doesn’t even matter. Cause I know it was ordained by God. She actually sits right next to me and so by it being a really laid back Friday, although we were both extremely busy as I was coming back from the bathroom I peaked in her office to chat.
Again, I don’t know how the conversation originated but it ended up being about a personal situation she’s going through. My colleague is a new convert. She’s always acknowledged God and believed that Jesus exists, but just recently she officially gave her life to Christ and so things are starting to change for her. She’s changed. And its evident. Almost scary. I knew the other her. A run-her-mouth type of chick. A couple of years ago we argued so bad that I was up in her face about to knock her out. Our other colleagues had to come in between us. That day I had to take one for the team cause a couple of us were fed up with her. But that’s another entry. And was years ago. Since then…..well we both found Jesus. Or should I say……He found us!!! Our relationship has always been professional even when our personalities crossed, but now there is a Spiritual connection and we have come in agreement with one another to tackle some of the demons that are floating around in our workplace.
So I stopped in her office and she told me that she had gone to lunch with her childhood girlfriend and came back real hurt. She said she and her girlfriend were having a discussion about one of their other girlfriends who my colleague said that the other girlfriend told her that since she became “saved” she doesn’t have an interest in their friendship anymore. So my colleague was expressing this to her girlfriend over lunch and so she told her girlfriend that you know…..she can’t just cut off talking about Jesus cause she’s had a personal encounter with Him and knows that He is indeed real. She also told her that she doesn’t understand why their other girlfriend doesn’t accept her for who God is making her to be. But then this girlfriend dropped a bombshell on her. She told her…… “well to be quite honest with you I don’t believe that you have to have Jesus in order to have a relationship with God either.”
My colleague, who is a people person by heart, was expressing this to me and was quite hurt. I could hear it in her voice and saw it on her face. And so she was expressing to me that being a new convert she doesn’t know how to respond. Of course her pastor could give her scriptures to give them, but when one has cut off circulation to Christ the Word is not gonna go but so far. Talk about the Word, my colleague said that on a couple of her recent emails to her mass recipients she ended with “Jesus is Lord” or “Praying for you all”, or even quoted a scripture. And she said a couple of folk took offense to it. Some were offended and responded jokingly, but others took it to the extreme. She said that one of her husband’s friends backed out on a group trip and later told them that it was because he wasn’t trying to hear about Jesus. Wow.
So my colleague was hurt and baffled to say the least. And so she was looking to me for understanding, and I was stuck. I mean, I ain’t never come across associates who said they didn’t believe in Jesus. I mean, most of my issues with folk on this Christian journey are those who claim to know Jesus, but ain’t living it. So when she asked my opinion…..I was a little stuck. I did, however, explain to her that she is now going through a sifting process. She and her husband both. They both have given their life to Christ and have decided that they, and their two boys, are gonna live for Christ. I so admire her now. Really I do. There’s such a radiance over her.
So I was a little stuck about how she should go about telling those who inquire why they indeed have to believe in Jesus to get to God. It’s basically that Oprah mental-bondage, spiritually-damaged, self-reliant crap. But then the Holy Spirit gave me an analogy to give her. The analogy worked so well because she absolutely luuuuvs her husband and two boys. She lives for them. And because it brought an answer down to her understanding in which she can pass on to others instead of trying to push scriptures that will not be understood or accepted. Now let me put a disclaimer out there before I get emails rebuking me. I know just the circle of folk who will---lol. THIS IS ONLY FOR ANALOGY PURPOSES. IN NO WAY CAN I RELATE ANYTHING OR ANYBODY TO THE SOVEREIGNTY OF GOD. HE IS……AND IS ONLY. AGAIN, THIS IS FOR ANALOGY PURPOSES ONLY. TO GET A POINT ACROSS. Lol. Gotta do that cause religious fanatics will start leaving me all kinds of weird messages.
Ok, here goes.
So I told my colleague to imagine that President Obama was God. For the last few years, since she saw this brilliant man on the political scene she has taken a liken to him. Cause he’s powerful. And he’s talking her language. However, she can only go by what she sees and hears on television…..cause she really doesn’t know him, know him. I mean…..he has her same characteristics and is pushing for the same change in which she’s agreeing with, but her relationship with him is a little distant. Cause she’s never personally met him. But she’s cool with the distance cause she has a connection. She feels his pain and power. And he’s showing it back to her. Through the media. But she has another connection that many others do not have. See, they both reside in the nations capitol. And so every now again she’ll get the benefit of seeing his motorcade ride down Pennsylvania Avenue and may get a glimpse at his face. She has a great chance at that. And it intrigues her loved ones who live afar. That she resides and works where Obama lives and works. Secretly, even if she doesn’t ever see him in person, its cool cause she’s gonna benefit in some type of way from the power of his position. Cause he told her she would. When she saw him on television. So there is a connection.
But then, as she’s going about her daily life “embracing change” she meets a man in the grocery store. At first she’s not interested. But when she accidentally looks into his eyes she feels a connection with this man. Cause he’s intriguing. It’s something about him that interests her. So they play peek-a-boo from aisle to aisle until finally the man will walk down her aisle and introduce himself. She’s looking into the man’s eyes and falling for him. Don’t know what it is…..he just go “it”. Over the next few months they get to know each other and during that course of getting to know each other, the guy reveals that his father is President Obama. Ok, you see where I’m going with this.
Ok, now since she has established a relationship with this guy, who by the way has asked her hand in marriage, she now gets to meet her father-in-law. Let’s just imagine that there are no Sasha and Malia---lol. Maybe Michelle, but no other children. Just the son. Cause that’s what dude told her. And she believes it. Cause the proof is there. LOL. So she gets to go to the White House, have good conversation with Obama, even hang out and play a game or two of one-on-one, or maybe a game of Scrabble. Personal time is unlimited. And situations behind closed doors she has access to. Any career hook-up she needs, she’s got it. Cause her in-laws got connections. She’s now flying on Airforce One, going to all the social and political events, having access to Michelle’s stylist, and even traveling to many nations with the Obamas. She’s walking the red carpets and being recognized as “the first daughter-in-law”. She’s getting ALL the benefits. She can actually walk up to the White House and get in. Cause there’s a relationship. They know her. Because of the relationship they’ve built…….through their son.
So they get married. And she’s enjoying the good life with her in-laws and they are loving on her. Cause she’s officially an Obama. Things aren’t PERFECT between her and her husband, but they’re not deal breakers. Every now and again a disagreement will ensue. Like any other relationship where you go running for answers and understanding. But then she starts listening to and taking advice from her girlfriends. And it starts to cause a rift in her marriage. She and her husband start to have real problems because of this. Her ego is big and she’s making a fool and mockery out of the relationship. Giving the Obama’s a bad name.
So she walks away from the marriage. Cause by this time she has come across enough “successful” folk in the circle that she has been in and so now she’s running her own celebrity image. And not really realizing she’s walking away from the marriage…..she walks away. And the husband lets her go. He has a talk with his father and have agreed to let her go. He turns her over to the life in which she’s indulging in. So there is a disconnect. No longer can she walk up to the White House and expect access. The relationship is broken.
For a while she still rides off of her “success” and image. Cause afterall, she’s still an Obama til futher notice. At least that’s the name she’s riding off of. But then it becomes a fallacy and she starts to realize that people ain’t buying her mess no more. And the access she used to have……oh that faded. Doors have indeed closed. The Obama circle is now rejecting her. Cause she messed up. And they understand the other side. She’s realizing that she messed up and so slowly but surely she begins to breakdown. Tearing off that pretentious image.
Then she realizes that she has made a mistake. And so she goes back to her husband and asks for forgiveness and they start to work things out. He accepts her back with open arms. Cause she loves her husband. And he loves her more. He, being led by a good father and good family man, sets some boundaries. He gives her da bid’ness, as my girlfriend “E” would say. He lays it down. In order for the relationship to work. They begin to rebuild. This time focusing on the relationship, not the image.
Just when she “gets it” and is living a life for she and her husband, as he had anticipated from the beginning, she finds out that she is pregnant. I wish I had time to talk about the seed, but that will have to be another entry. I’ve been studying it for the last few weeks. The SEED is deep. Spiritually, the seed is indeed the Holy Spirit. But this is where a lot of Christians miss it. The Holy Spirit can walk with you until you leave this earth, but its not until it is IN YOU that real change and fullness with the father will come. But the seed has to be watered in order for it to grow. For their to be a manifestation on earth, the seed has to be nurtured. Bottomline.
Back to the analogy……the son is born. A little Obama. And no matter how her life changes, if her husband dies and she remarries; she can move to the other side of the world, but there will always be a solid relationship with President Obama cause she’s raising his offspring. She’s carrying his heir. So the relationship can NEVER be cut off. She can have full access to the promises of the father because his son left his Holy Spirit, not just to walk with her, but to live within her. Anybody who knows the connection with a mother and her son can relate. I hear it ALL the time. There’s one thing to adopt a son and build a solid loving relationship to die for, but it takes it to a whole new dimension when a son is birthed through you. Umph.
Of course I went a in a little more detail in this entry with the analogy, but after I gave it to my colleague, she was in tears. She said……you’re right. That’s like my girlfriends telling me that while we are hanging out we can never talk about “my husband” (or my sons). But we can talk about his father. President Obama. She started laughing. We both started laughing and was saying again how everybody wants the benefits, but they ain’t trying to take the entire package. She kept looking at me like….I get it. I get it. The funny thing is that our conversation went so beyond the initial topic of having to go through Jesus to get to the father, but we actually started speaking about the Holy Spirit. A subject that a lot of church folk either don’t understand or don’t want to fully accept. I mean, its nice to have the Holy Spirit with me, but it’s a whole another experience to have the Holy Spirit live IN ME.
My pastor was telling us on Friday night that when folk doubt Christ and say that they can go to God without going through Christ we have to be firm and let them know that…… “I don’t know what god you’re referring to, but the God I serve is the God of the scriptures. The God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. The everlasting God. The Lord of lords.” No need to argue for there have been made many gods on this earth, but on judgment day it will be revealed. Until then, walk in faith.
Before I left her office, my colleague looked at me and said……. “the sifting process, huh.” And I looked back and said…. “brace yourself sistah cause you bout to go through the fire, but trust me…….is just a refining process.”
Jesus said to him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.” --John 14:6
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Do We Really?
(Deep breath). Ok, I got sooo much running through my head that I know I’ll explode if I don’t release. You gotta bear with me cause this is one of those “where do I start” entries.
Ok, I know when the Lord is screaming at me cause I’ll get messages in threes. The final came just about 15 minutes ago as I was riding home. I was listening to Coco Brotha on 104.1FM and he was talking about JESUS. Not gospel music, not the newest artist, not the current church events……but JESUS. He was basically saying how Jesus came to earth to redeem us so that we could have direct access to God. And how the same power that Christ has is ours through the Holy Spirit. Then he talked about how we are going to be held accountable for not being obedient to the Word of God. He was saying a whole lot of stuff that was hitting my buttons, but then the question of the year rang loudly again in my ear---forget the thought that do folk really believe in the power of God, but the question is........do folk really believe that there is a God?????
The second message came this morning as I was having breakfast with one of my girlfriends. Let me just say this first……I assure you that I wasn’t eating--lol!!!! Some of yal know why I had to say this. Anyway……my girlfriend just came back from her first real missions trip out of the country. And when she called me to have breakfast with her she could hardly contain herself cause she needed to talk to me. I mean, everything she does is over the top so I knew she had some deep details of how great her trip was. So I dropped everything and ran out to have breakfast with her.
As soon as we could get to a discreet location she blurted out that while on her trip she had to repent. She kept saying to me, “Jill I had to repent. I had to repent." She first started off by telling me how bound and spiritually mal-nourished the folk there are. But then she said that she had to repent because there she was claiming to be a holy roller "woman of God" from the U.S. and she didn’t even have enough power in her to help deliver some of those folk. Off the subject for a moment….this reminds me of my study on the seed a couple of weeks ago. Anyway……my girlfriend started crying to me and said something that hit me in my gut. She said that if we are claiming to be Christians, but what is in us is not powerful enough to bring healing/deliverance/repentant hearts, then we need to check ourselves.
She told me about how a little boy got sick and fell nearly dead in the service. She said the boy’s eyes were rolling back in his head and the folk around him were giving up on him. Then she said the pastor had someone call an ambulance and while the ambulance was on the way he started collecting the offering. She said she was so vexed with herself and with the pastor that she went and asked him to stop---and she's real bold so I can just imagine how she approached him (lol)---so that they could pray over the little boy. She said she started praying with everything she had in her and slowly but surely the boy started coming around all the way until he testified and said that when he went down his body felt like somebody was squeezing him real tight. Ain’t a whole lot to this. And this ain’t uncommon. Folk are dropping dead daily cause something is squeezing the life out of them but yet we dismiss it as “it was his/her time to go.” So we’ll bury a soul in a heartbeat, right after having a huge homegoing service. You know how us Christians do. We'll have a marching band at the funeral to "celebrate life".
Then it hit me again. It went back to something that happened over the weekend. On Sunday, and I said I wasn’t gonna mention this one but it’s bubbling out of me. What the heck. But on Sunday I was sitting in church next to a young lady. And sitting next to her was a guy that goes to the church. I’m very familiar with both. Anyway, halfway through the service the young lady whispers to me and says….. “can you move down a seat because [such and such] just mouthed to me that I shouldn’t be sitting next to this guy cause he’s crazy.” I looked at dude and then at her in disbelief. To keep the peace I did move down one seat and she moved down next to me creating a gap between she and the guy. But I was PISSED. Yes, I said it…….PISSED.
Ok, I was partly pissed because I was surprised that “such and such” who holds a high position in the church would say something so immature and ungodly. But what made me mad was because her actions, and mine too now that I think about it, basically said that “the demon in dude is greater than the God in me”. That’s basically what “such and such” was inferring. So when my girlfriend said what she said this morning it just hit home cause she’s right. If a person who we claim needs help, healing, deliverance, empowerment, whatever is not changed while in our presence……then something is wrong with US. Bottomline.
Me and my sister have been having this conversation all year……do folk really believe that there is a God? Do folk really believe that Jesus is real? I mean, we talk a good game. And we sing a good song. But I truly believe that a lot of folk say they believe in God only because stuff they can’t control they have to have some type of explanation for. Then there are some that are going with the flow in believing in a higher power because it’s the right thing to do. And then there are those who are conditioned by their ancestors to believe in God. And then there's the mass majority who are caught up in what God has in His hands for them.
But I say this…..if you REALLY believe in God then you will obey His Word. Not just read it, memorize it, and quote it. But LIVE IT. Bottomline. Us church folk are so caught up in self-righteousness and having our images fixed to being “a man/woman of God” that we are forgetting that we have been commissioned to serve, not be served. I'll say this over and over again......we have been commissioned to do two things on this earth: love our brethren and spread the gospel. And both are tasks of serving. As Coco Brotha said….it could be something as simple as telling a colleague that Jesus is Lord. But a lot of us can’t even say it. Some of us are too embarrassed to mention that we are Christians. Cause bottomline we don’t really believe.
As my girlfriend expressed……..I too need to repent. Lord, I repent. Not for something I did or said, but because of something that I’m not doing. And that is walking in Your FULLNESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The disciples went and woke him, saying, “Master, Master, we're going to drown!” He got up and rebuked the wind and the raging waters; the storm subsided, and all was calm. “Where is your faith?” he asked his disciples. In fear and amazement they asked one another, “Who is this? He commands even the winds and the water, and they obey him.” --Luke 8:24-25
“If you love me, you will obey what I command.” --John 14:15
Ok, I know when the Lord is screaming at me cause I’ll get messages in threes. The final came just about 15 minutes ago as I was riding home. I was listening to Coco Brotha on 104.1FM and he was talking about JESUS. Not gospel music, not the newest artist, not the current church events……but JESUS. He was basically saying how Jesus came to earth to redeem us so that we could have direct access to God. And how the same power that Christ has is ours through the Holy Spirit. Then he talked about how we are going to be held accountable for not being obedient to the Word of God. He was saying a whole lot of stuff that was hitting my buttons, but then the question of the year rang loudly again in my ear---forget the thought that do folk really believe in the power of God, but the question is........do folk really believe that there is a God?????
The second message came this morning as I was having breakfast with one of my girlfriends. Let me just say this first……I assure you that I wasn’t eating--lol!!!! Some of yal know why I had to say this. Anyway……my girlfriend just came back from her first real missions trip out of the country. And when she called me to have breakfast with her she could hardly contain herself cause she needed to talk to me. I mean, everything she does is over the top so I knew she had some deep details of how great her trip was. So I dropped everything and ran out to have breakfast with her.
As soon as we could get to a discreet location she blurted out that while on her trip she had to repent. She kept saying to me, “Jill I had to repent. I had to repent." She first started off by telling me how bound and spiritually mal-nourished the folk there are. But then she said that she had to repent because there she was claiming to be a holy roller "woman of God" from the U.S. and she didn’t even have enough power in her to help deliver some of those folk. Off the subject for a moment….this reminds me of my study on the seed a couple of weeks ago. Anyway……my girlfriend started crying to me and said something that hit me in my gut. She said that if we are claiming to be Christians, but what is in us is not powerful enough to bring healing/deliverance/repentant hearts, then we need to check ourselves.
She told me about how a little boy got sick and fell nearly dead in the service. She said the boy’s eyes were rolling back in his head and the folk around him were giving up on him. Then she said the pastor had someone call an ambulance and while the ambulance was on the way he started collecting the offering. She said she was so vexed with herself and with the pastor that she went and asked him to stop---and she's real bold so I can just imagine how she approached him (lol)---so that they could pray over the little boy. She said she started praying with everything she had in her and slowly but surely the boy started coming around all the way until he testified and said that when he went down his body felt like somebody was squeezing him real tight. Ain’t a whole lot to this. And this ain’t uncommon. Folk are dropping dead daily cause something is squeezing the life out of them but yet we dismiss it as “it was his/her time to go.” So we’ll bury a soul in a heartbeat, right after having a huge homegoing service. You know how us Christians do. We'll have a marching band at the funeral to "celebrate life".
Then it hit me again. It went back to something that happened over the weekend. On Sunday, and I said I wasn’t gonna mention this one but it’s bubbling out of me. What the heck. But on Sunday I was sitting in church next to a young lady. And sitting next to her was a guy that goes to the church. I’m very familiar with both. Anyway, halfway through the service the young lady whispers to me and says….. “can you move down a seat because [such and such] just mouthed to me that I shouldn’t be sitting next to this guy cause he’s crazy.” I looked at dude and then at her in disbelief. To keep the peace I did move down one seat and she moved down next to me creating a gap between she and the guy. But I was PISSED. Yes, I said it…….PISSED.
Ok, I was partly pissed because I was surprised that “such and such” who holds a high position in the church would say something so immature and ungodly. But what made me mad was because her actions, and mine too now that I think about it, basically said that “the demon in dude is greater than the God in me”. That’s basically what “such and such” was inferring. So when my girlfriend said what she said this morning it just hit home cause she’s right. If a person who we claim needs help, healing, deliverance, empowerment, whatever is not changed while in our presence……then something is wrong with US. Bottomline.
Me and my sister have been having this conversation all year……do folk really believe that there is a God? Do folk really believe that Jesus is real? I mean, we talk a good game. And we sing a good song. But I truly believe that a lot of folk say they believe in God only because stuff they can’t control they have to have some type of explanation for. Then there are some that are going with the flow in believing in a higher power because it’s the right thing to do. And then there are those who are conditioned by their ancestors to believe in God. And then there's the mass majority who are caught up in what God has in His hands for them.
But I say this…..if you REALLY believe in God then you will obey His Word. Not just read it, memorize it, and quote it. But LIVE IT. Bottomline. Us church folk are so caught up in self-righteousness and having our images fixed to being “a man/woman of God” that we are forgetting that we have been commissioned to serve, not be served. I'll say this over and over again......we have been commissioned to do two things on this earth: love our brethren and spread the gospel. And both are tasks of serving. As Coco Brotha said….it could be something as simple as telling a colleague that Jesus is Lord. But a lot of us can’t even say it. Some of us are too embarrassed to mention that we are Christians. Cause bottomline we don’t really believe.
As my girlfriend expressed……..I too need to repent. Lord, I repent. Not for something I did or said, but because of something that I’m not doing. And that is walking in Your FULLNESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The disciples went and woke him, saying, “Master, Master, we're going to drown!” He got up and rebuked the wind and the raging waters; the storm subsided, and all was calm. “Where is your faith?” he asked his disciples. In fear and amazement they asked one another, “Who is this? He commands even the winds and the water, and they obey him.” --Luke 8:24-25
“If you love me, you will obey what I command.” --John 14:15
Monday, July 13, 2009
Joy in the Morning
Wow!! Gotta pinch myself cause I can’t believe I did it. And liked it.
Ok, so for the last month or so I’ve been really trying to re-organize my time—just really trying to make the most out of my day in the best way possible. If you haven’t read in my entries…..my day is unnecessarily hectic because I don’t get home til close to 9pm every night. Yes, getting home at this hour seems doable for a single woman---as I am---but it leaves very little room to do things in the evenings like have a quality “date night”, do the catch-up with girlfriends over dinner, or even do a little shopping at the local malls. Sooo, these social necessities have been allotted to the leftover time on the weekends, after spending time with the family, church activities, and my mandatory “me” time. No, no, no…..my Sunday afternoons are for ME, and me only---lol.
Over the last few weeks, I’ve been screaming……. “something’s gotta give”!!!! I could no longer continue to pile all of my non-work activities on Saturday. It was driving me crazy and making me feel like I had no weekend. From grocery shopping, to washing the car, to personal grooming, to real estate activities, to social functions, to quality time with family and friends, whatever……all on Saturday. It had gotten to the point where I’d get cross-eyed when I was invited to something. Can’t do it. And don’t want to do it.
Cause first, on Saturdays I ain’t getting out the bed before 9:30am. That’s my only day to sleep in and to be honest…..it’s gotta be a darn good reason to even get me out the house before noon. Its nothing for me to get home well after midnight on Saturday evenings, but don’t touch my Saturday mornings.
And second, if it’s raining……oh chances are I won’t show up to nothing--lol. And I hate to commit myself to something and not follow through on plans. So more than likely I’ll show up late or grouchy or plan to leave early if it’s rainy and dreary out. I know….I got issues--lol.
So for a long time, and I mean years, I couldn’t figure out why I’d get to work on Monday mornings and hear about other people’s exciting and eventful weekend, and be baffled. I mean, how can you really plan something exciting in 2 days???? The only 2 days we have off from work. I mean, really. Ok, me and [my friend] have "date night" over the phone on Friday nights cause we’re both extremely exhausted from the work week. And he has to try to stay awake long enough for me to get home and wind down---usually after10pm. Saturdays are the catch-all days, and my Sundays are MY days after church. So I just couldn’t understand how people have time to do much of anything on weekends, especially those with children.
I guess this is the perfect time to insert one of my favorite quotes…… “a natural pattern will show in detail what the Spiritual reality consists of.” LOL
(Deep breath). He’ll get a kick out of me saying that he is right about something. But I gotta give him his props…..he’s so right. [My friend] has tried to convince me forever that the morning is the best time to get stuff done. By the time I get up on weekday mornings he has already showered, shaved, dressed, had coffee and read the paper. Many mornings he’ll brag that he’s been up since 5am-ish preparing for a meeting or something. I laugh with a……whatever. I think he’d given up on some good quality conversation with me in the mornings. Cause he knows he won’t get a decent response from me until after 10:00a. After I’ve had time to scope of the office premises, and have my tea. This irritates him---lol.
Sooooo, I had run out of choices. The only way to make the most out of my day was to stretch it at the beginning instead of abusing it at the end. You know…for peace sake--lol. For the last year, I’ve been working out at my office gym. It’s small and quaint, but does the job---I guess. And its convenient. But the problem is that I don’t usually finish working til close to 6pm-ish, which didn’t put me on the machines til well after 6pm. After a good two hour workout that calculates to getting home at 8:45p-ish.
Before they installed the gym at work, I made good use of my 20-year Bally's membership. The major downfall to that was getting home after 7:30p from work, driving all the way to Germantown to the nearest Bally’s and after a good two-hour workout…..uuuum, back home at almost 10p. So working out at the office made so much better use of my time. At least that’s what I thought.
Sooo, a couple of weeks ago I decided to look for a gym closest to my house in which I could get in a good morning workout and still have time to get into the office by 9:30a. I knew it made more economical sense to utilize the free office gym while continuing to maintain my $6 a month membership at Bally’s on the weekends, but it has gotten to the point where managing my time is just as important as managing my finances.
Let me tell you how God works.
A couple of weeks ago I got a coupon in the mail for a new “no nonsense” gym that has just been built…..uuuuuuh one minute and 30 seconds from my house. No lie……it’s a quarter of a song away. Convenience---CHECK. So I go to the gym about a week or so ago to check it out and me and the trainer hit it off immediately. Not only did he give me a power workout routine that will only take 45 minutes, but he also hooked it up where I only pay $29 a month with no contract and no down payment. I was like…… “this is too good to be true”.
So after meeting with dude, I got home and looked at all brochures of the classes, state-of-the-art equipment, the facility's amenities, AND they’re open from 5am-11pm…..I was sooo excited. I mean, even if I wanted to come home in the evening and chill for a while, I could still go and get a quick 45 minute workout and be home in time to make my phone calls. But I decided to do something a little different. I said……. “I’ma try to workout in the mornings.” Yep, I had it all mentally planned that I was gonna get up at 5:15a, and be on the machine by 5:30a. Then last week I got sick. And now I understand why. The devil was pissed.
But I can’t be defeated. Not when I make my mind up about something. So this morning I got up bright and early at 5:10a. I threw on my gym clothes, brushed my teeth, pulled my hair back in a ponytail, made a protein shake, grabbed my keys and phone, and was pulling up in the gym parking lot by 5:27a. When I got there it was LIVE. So many people were there getting their workout on. I couldn’t believe it. It was just a burst of energy in the air. I’m telling you…..I worked out til I was drenched. I felt like I had put in a full day. When I was leaving out I looked up at the clock and it said…..6:22a. I couldn’t believe it. I usually don’t get out the bed til 7am!!! Shhhhhhh. But I had sooo much vigor. I even got to work a little earlier.
You know, the Bible talks a lot about the morning time. One of my favorite books is Good Morning, Holy Spirit by Benny Hinn. I read it years ago, but I remember it speaking about the morning time. I’ve gotta repent, because I’ve taken advantage of the morning time. The morning is such a precious time. It’s when I hear God speak to me. Even when I’m groggy and in my last dream before I awake. But the morning is the most powerful time of the day. And it took this morning to fully realize it.
When I left the gym there was a freshness in the air. Like I made an impact and was productive, but hadn’t really started yet. It was a weird feeling. But I welcomed it. And I liked it. I like it. And I like the fact that I have my entire evening ahead of me to do WHATEVER I want to do. But I think I want to catch the kickboxing class at 7:30p. So I’m outta here. PEACE!!!
In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation. –Psalm 5:3
Ok, so for the last month or so I’ve been really trying to re-organize my time—just really trying to make the most out of my day in the best way possible. If you haven’t read in my entries…..my day is unnecessarily hectic because I don’t get home til close to 9pm every night. Yes, getting home at this hour seems doable for a single woman---as I am---but it leaves very little room to do things in the evenings like have a quality “date night”, do the catch-up with girlfriends over dinner, or even do a little shopping at the local malls. Sooo, these social necessities have been allotted to the leftover time on the weekends, after spending time with the family, church activities, and my mandatory “me” time. No, no, no…..my Sunday afternoons are for ME, and me only---lol.
Over the last few weeks, I’ve been screaming……. “something’s gotta give”!!!! I could no longer continue to pile all of my non-work activities on Saturday. It was driving me crazy and making me feel like I had no weekend. From grocery shopping, to washing the car, to personal grooming, to real estate activities, to social functions, to quality time with family and friends, whatever……all on Saturday. It had gotten to the point where I’d get cross-eyed when I was invited to something. Can’t do it. And don’t want to do it.
Cause first, on Saturdays I ain’t getting out the bed before 9:30am. That’s my only day to sleep in and to be honest…..it’s gotta be a darn good reason to even get me out the house before noon. Its nothing for me to get home well after midnight on Saturday evenings, but don’t touch my Saturday mornings.
And second, if it’s raining……oh chances are I won’t show up to nothing--lol. And I hate to commit myself to something and not follow through on plans. So more than likely I’ll show up late or grouchy or plan to leave early if it’s rainy and dreary out. I know….I got issues--lol.
So for a long time, and I mean years, I couldn’t figure out why I’d get to work on Monday mornings and hear about other people’s exciting and eventful weekend, and be baffled. I mean, how can you really plan something exciting in 2 days???? The only 2 days we have off from work. I mean, really. Ok, me and [my friend] have "date night" over the phone on Friday nights cause we’re both extremely exhausted from the work week. And he has to try to stay awake long enough for me to get home and wind down---usually after10pm. Saturdays are the catch-all days, and my Sundays are MY days after church. So I just couldn’t understand how people have time to do much of anything on weekends, especially those with children.
I guess this is the perfect time to insert one of my favorite quotes…… “a natural pattern will show in detail what the Spiritual reality consists of.” LOL
(Deep breath). He’ll get a kick out of me saying that he is right about something. But I gotta give him his props…..he’s so right. [My friend] has tried to convince me forever that the morning is the best time to get stuff done. By the time I get up on weekday mornings he has already showered, shaved, dressed, had coffee and read the paper. Many mornings he’ll brag that he’s been up since 5am-ish preparing for a meeting or something. I laugh with a……whatever. I think he’d given up on some good quality conversation with me in the mornings. Cause he knows he won’t get a decent response from me until after 10:00a. After I’ve had time to scope of the office premises, and have my tea. This irritates him---lol.
Sooooo, I had run out of choices. The only way to make the most out of my day was to stretch it at the beginning instead of abusing it at the end. You know…for peace sake--lol. For the last year, I’ve been working out at my office gym. It’s small and quaint, but does the job---I guess. And its convenient. But the problem is that I don’t usually finish working til close to 6pm-ish, which didn’t put me on the machines til well after 6pm. After a good two hour workout that calculates to getting home at 8:45p-ish.
Before they installed the gym at work, I made good use of my 20-year Bally's membership. The major downfall to that was getting home after 7:30p from work, driving all the way to Germantown to the nearest Bally’s and after a good two-hour workout…..uuuum, back home at almost 10p. So working out at the office made so much better use of my time. At least that’s what I thought.
Sooo, a couple of weeks ago I decided to look for a gym closest to my house in which I could get in a good morning workout and still have time to get into the office by 9:30a. I knew it made more economical sense to utilize the free office gym while continuing to maintain my $6 a month membership at Bally’s on the weekends, but it has gotten to the point where managing my time is just as important as managing my finances.
Let me tell you how God works.
A couple of weeks ago I got a coupon in the mail for a new “no nonsense” gym that has just been built…..uuuuuuh one minute and 30 seconds from my house. No lie……it’s a quarter of a song away. Convenience---CHECK. So I go to the gym about a week or so ago to check it out and me and the trainer hit it off immediately. Not only did he give me a power workout routine that will only take 45 minutes, but he also hooked it up where I only pay $29 a month with no contract and no down payment. I was like…… “this is too good to be true”.
So after meeting with dude, I got home and looked at all brochures of the classes, state-of-the-art equipment, the facility's amenities, AND they’re open from 5am-11pm…..I was sooo excited. I mean, even if I wanted to come home in the evening and chill for a while, I could still go and get a quick 45 minute workout and be home in time to make my phone calls. But I decided to do something a little different. I said……. “I’ma try to workout in the mornings.” Yep, I had it all mentally planned that I was gonna get up at 5:15a, and be on the machine by 5:30a. Then last week I got sick. And now I understand why. The devil was pissed.
But I can’t be defeated. Not when I make my mind up about something. So this morning I got up bright and early at 5:10a. I threw on my gym clothes, brushed my teeth, pulled my hair back in a ponytail, made a protein shake, grabbed my keys and phone, and was pulling up in the gym parking lot by 5:27a. When I got there it was LIVE. So many people were there getting their workout on. I couldn’t believe it. It was just a burst of energy in the air. I’m telling you…..I worked out til I was drenched. I felt like I had put in a full day. When I was leaving out I looked up at the clock and it said…..6:22a. I couldn’t believe it. I usually don’t get out the bed til 7am!!! Shhhhhhh. But I had sooo much vigor. I even got to work a little earlier.
You know, the Bible talks a lot about the morning time. One of my favorite books is Good Morning, Holy Spirit by Benny Hinn. I read it years ago, but I remember it speaking about the morning time. I’ve gotta repent, because I’ve taken advantage of the morning time. The morning is such a precious time. It’s when I hear God speak to me. Even when I’m groggy and in my last dream before I awake. But the morning is the most powerful time of the day. And it took this morning to fully realize it.
When I left the gym there was a freshness in the air. Like I made an impact and was productive, but hadn’t really started yet. It was a weird feeling. But I welcomed it. And I liked it. I like it. And I like the fact that I have my entire evening ahead of me to do WHATEVER I want to do. But I think I want to catch the kickboxing class at 7:30p. So I’m outta here. PEACE!!!
In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation. –Psalm 5:3
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Pressing Forward
Ok, I’ve been seriously knocked down, but not knocked out. Last Sunday, I think it was last Sunday, I started feeling under the weather. By Monday, I couldn’t make it to work so I tried to get a doctor’s appointment, but ended up in the emergency room. Tuesday, I couldn’t get out of the bed. Wednesday, I was determined to go to work since I have pressing deadlines, but even with all my will and determination I could only last half day. Thursday I was just about under the bed. Everything was hurting.
But something happened Thursday night. I got a huge burst of energy, jumped out the bed and started taking care of some things that I had neglected for days. I had so much energy. And so while I made good use of my energy, I also mentally planned my work day on Friday. I was wired. But then I couldn’t fall asleep. In fact, I didn’t end up falling asleep until 5:30a on Friday morning, the time in which I should have been getting up to pray.
Needless to say, I didn’t make it in to work on Friday either. I had fell back into exhaustion. I started coughing hysterically again and my body got used to being back in the bed. I was all messed up. But even with all the weirdness going on with my body I was determined to go to the grocery store, get my car waxed, and make it to prayer service Friday night. I managed to do all, but by the time I got in Friday night I was worn out.
This morning, it was my plan to go to the gym and have a good workout, followed by some relaxation in the steam room. Didn’t happen. In fact, I couldn’t even get myself out the bed to get something to drink. Just drained. I missed umpteen phone calls cause I couldn’t seem to wake-up. Just groggy. But by 5pm-ish, I jumped up out of the bed and declared….. “I’m tired of not living!!!!!”
I had to stop and think. This was the first week in two years that I hadn’t made it to the gym. This was the first week in a year that I hadn’t written in my blog. And this was the FIRST week in 9 years that I missed an entire week of work being sick. Even after having surgery, I made it back to work in 3 days. Then I heard the Spirit speaking that satan is trying to take me out by attacking my body. Usually, that’s how he operates. He takes your body down and then your mind. And once the two are in cohorts then he got you. I’ve noticed that after Wednesday, my mind started speaking louder than my body. I guess I scared him on Thursday night when I jumped out of bed, so he tried a little harder. But he knows he has to wake up real early to defeat me.
I seriously believe that this is one of the best ways to defeat folk. By getting us confined to the house. Being a prisoner in our own home. I know a girl who hasn’t worked in years and even when she does get a job she can’t keep it. She continuously complain about sickness and illness, but nothing seems to really be wrong. If you go to her house it is a pure dump, stuff everywhere. She complains that she’s too “sick” to clean up. I used to think it was a cop out, but being on my back this week I realized that its not. It is an illness in the mind that manifests to the body. It’s purpose is to destroy. To take you out. That’s how I felt this week. Like satan wanted to take me down. Not so much to a grave death, but a living death. Just unproductive. Not doing nothing.
This evening I got up. At one point I felt like it, at another I didn’t. But I could no longer listen to the negative thing in my ear that said “rest”. I’ve rested long enough. I’m tired of lying in the bed with life passing me by. I’ve missed 7 whole days and it feels like a lifetime. I managed to wash my hair, fold the 4 baskets of clothes that I’ve neglected, clean the bathroom, and get myself prepared for church tomorrow. My mind and my body are pissed at me, but my Spirit is saying…… “this is my child and I got purpose for her”.
I’m realizing that pressing forward is not about a feeling cause we’ll never “feel” like doing anything. But its about putting faith into action. It's about taking up the bed and walking. Pressing forward.
We want each of you to show this same diligence to the very end, in order to make your hope sure. We do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised. --Hebrews 6:11-12
But something happened Thursday night. I got a huge burst of energy, jumped out the bed and started taking care of some things that I had neglected for days. I had so much energy. And so while I made good use of my energy, I also mentally planned my work day on Friday. I was wired. But then I couldn’t fall asleep. In fact, I didn’t end up falling asleep until 5:30a on Friday morning, the time in which I should have been getting up to pray.
Needless to say, I didn’t make it in to work on Friday either. I had fell back into exhaustion. I started coughing hysterically again and my body got used to being back in the bed. I was all messed up. But even with all the weirdness going on with my body I was determined to go to the grocery store, get my car waxed, and make it to prayer service Friday night. I managed to do all, but by the time I got in Friday night I was worn out.
This morning, it was my plan to go to the gym and have a good workout, followed by some relaxation in the steam room. Didn’t happen. In fact, I couldn’t even get myself out the bed to get something to drink. Just drained. I missed umpteen phone calls cause I couldn’t seem to wake-up. Just groggy. But by 5pm-ish, I jumped up out of the bed and declared….. “I’m tired of not living!!!!!”
I had to stop and think. This was the first week in two years that I hadn’t made it to the gym. This was the first week in a year that I hadn’t written in my blog. And this was the FIRST week in 9 years that I missed an entire week of work being sick. Even after having surgery, I made it back to work in 3 days. Then I heard the Spirit speaking that satan is trying to take me out by attacking my body. Usually, that’s how he operates. He takes your body down and then your mind. And once the two are in cohorts then he got you. I’ve noticed that after Wednesday, my mind started speaking louder than my body. I guess I scared him on Thursday night when I jumped out of bed, so he tried a little harder. But he knows he has to wake up real early to defeat me.
I seriously believe that this is one of the best ways to defeat folk. By getting us confined to the house. Being a prisoner in our own home. I know a girl who hasn’t worked in years and even when she does get a job she can’t keep it. She continuously complain about sickness and illness, but nothing seems to really be wrong. If you go to her house it is a pure dump, stuff everywhere. She complains that she’s too “sick” to clean up. I used to think it was a cop out, but being on my back this week I realized that its not. It is an illness in the mind that manifests to the body. It’s purpose is to destroy. To take you out. That’s how I felt this week. Like satan wanted to take me down. Not so much to a grave death, but a living death. Just unproductive. Not doing nothing.
This evening I got up. At one point I felt like it, at another I didn’t. But I could no longer listen to the negative thing in my ear that said “rest”. I’ve rested long enough. I’m tired of lying in the bed with life passing me by. I’ve missed 7 whole days and it feels like a lifetime. I managed to wash my hair, fold the 4 baskets of clothes that I’ve neglected, clean the bathroom, and get myself prepared for church tomorrow. My mind and my body are pissed at me, but my Spirit is saying…… “this is my child and I got purpose for her”.
I’m realizing that pressing forward is not about a feeling cause we’ll never “feel” like doing anything. But its about putting faith into action. It's about taking up the bed and walking. Pressing forward.
We want each of you to show this same diligence to the very end, in order to make your hope sure. We do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised. --Hebrews 6:11-12
Monday, July 6, 2009
The Half Day
Ok, I ain’t trying to claim nothing, but a sister feels horrible. Just had some Theraflu. And it didn’t work. So I’ve decided to stay my butt home tomorrow and take care of myself. My ears and my neck hurt. Signs of a sinus infections. But I ain’t claiming nothing--lol. Cause I’m healed. Just a speed bump, not a road block.
So I got up this morning achy. Probably a combo of exhaustion and just running without paying attention to my body. Actually, all week my neck has been hurting, but I’ve been so busy at work, as well as doing some real estate stuff, that I just haven’t had the time to give attention to my aches and pains. Cause I try my best not to feed into sickness. But my body was screaming real loud this morning. So I got up, made me some Theraflu, and decided to stay in since it was rainy.
As I was lying there, I stumbled across a woman preaching who I had never seen. She told a story of a little boy that was so interesting. She said the little boy who I’m guessing is about 4 or 5 years old had just graduated from pre-school and had started his first day of kindergarten. When his parents picked him up they asked him how did he like his first day. The little boy answered, “I just want to know one thing…..who signed me up for the whole day????” I cracked up laughing cause it confirmed something that’s been in my Spirit all week.
My pastor actually talked about this on Friday night in church. He was basically saying how the church doesn’t fear God anymore. Ironically, when we were coming out of the church on Friday night…..me, my sister, and my niece were walking to the car and this lady---who is a church member---came running up to my sister with something she was selling. I assume my sister, being nice and passive, said she was interested in the products---some jewelry and whatever. Something I wouldn’t put in my jewelry box, neither would my sister, but anyway……. The lady comes running to us with the bag telling my sister she had the stuff she was interested in.
At first I looked the other way cause I could feel negativity in me. But then I thought about the night before when she ran across the church DURING SERVICE to give my sister a message about the products. And last week, during all-night prayer, while we were PRAYING she had the nerve to turn around to me and say……..I have silver hoops as well. When she first introduced her business at a church fellowship I brushed her off by saying that I was only interested in sterling silver hoops. It was my way of saying that I wasn’t interested. But this chick, I guess being a good business woman, called her company and found some silver hoops. And so what she expressed was that she wanted to catch us before we got away. But did she have to do it during service. That’s all I was asking.
So we’re walking out to the car and the lady starts doing her business spiel to my sister and so I turned towards her and said…… “please get away from us!!!” She wouldn’t back off. She rolled her eyes at me and kept talking to my sister. So I went there. And I make no apologies for it. I laid her out in the parking lot. Cause not only does she show no reverence for God’s children, but she has no respect for our house of worship. She has actually made the sanctuary her market place. NOT. She ran up against the wrong sisters.
So it just had me thinking all week. And my pastor broke it down on Friday night of how we don’t fear God. We, the church, do not fear GOD!!!! Cause if we did….we wouldn’t be doing some of the things that we do. I’m telling you……I FEAR GOD. I’ve expressed this many times, but I can’t get away with NOTHING. Every wrong move I take, and every wrong thing I say….I pay a high price for it. If you look up reap/sow in the dictionary you will see my photo. Probably that same Facebook photo---lol. With that bright smile cheesing. I done reaped so much from doing things my way that I’ve dwindled down to nothing. But that’s where God wants me. Dying to myself so that He can reign supreme in me. So I try my best to stay in God’s lane in which is causing tremendous growth in me. And so as I listened to the story of the little boy it just made me think of how we are so programmed to the “half day” mentality that we live and have our being in that half day, premature stage. In addition to that, we are knocked off guard when we have to put in a full day’s work.
Ok, so I was having a conversation with my girlfriend yesterday and we were discussing how the church, really America, is so consumed with blessings and the good things of God that we don’t know how to handle the bad things that we go through as Christians. The other side. The other half. The fullness of God. See we get so wrapped up in the things that we’re given, cause I’m telling you all the things that rubs our emotions the right way we call it a blessing, that we can’t discern and handle the things that don‘t feel good to us. You know……when warfare is needed. Or when we have to put an effort in handling a negative situation. We just chalk it up to…….. “whatever” or “that’s life”. Or….. “it’s in God’s hands” when we want to get super-spiritual.
I was reading some comments on Facebook of a friend who is going through a breakup. Yeees, she put all her business on the book. Of course she’s upset. Naturally she is. But I was reading some of the comments from her “saved” circle of friends and was amazed. A lot were saying stuff like….. “If its meant to be, it will be.” Or……. “What God has for you is for you.” You know those cliché responses. I basically said, ummmm……… “God closes doors too!!!” I was just trying not to pour salt into her wound. But then someone made the ultimate comment and said…… “Sometimes we put ourselves in situations that we shouldn’t have been in.” I soooo wanted to comment and say to the girl that she hit the nail on the head, but then there was this little sly comment from one of her closest friends that said, “Only God knows what’s best for you.” Umph.
Ok, that’s all nice for preschool……..but let us go to the full day. I’ll probably write her an email tomorrow that says……. “girl, you need to fall on your face before God and ask Him to deliver you from whatever nasty spirit is attached to your life that keeps causing breakups after breakups---even a failed marriage. Or whatever nasty spirit that keeps drawing you to the wrong man.” I see a spirit around her that she needs healing and deliverance from. And I ain’t judging or pointing fingers……I’m just exposing the truth. Cause I’ve gone through the same thing. Broken relationships, failed marriages, and having ungodly covenants ummmmm....... Christians shouldn't be subject to this kind of foolishness. Seek God, expose the truth, seek God, rebuke the enemy, seek God, take the lesson (exerting patience and self-control), seek God, and proceed in faith. Bottomline.
There was a visiting couple at church on Friday night. They are engaged to be married in September. So the visiting prophet basically went down a number of issues that the couple was well aware of secretly. He even went as far as to say that the guy was not happy in the relationship, and the girl was going through a lot of past turmoil that she has brought into the relationship. Everything the prophet told them they confirmed. To make this paragraph a little short......ummmm....the prophet was like the two of you should not be getting married. I grew up on this type of boldness. And that's where we need to go back to. Stop rubbing the ego. Lacing negativity with "a blessing from God."
My pastor went on to talk about the new movement of organizing the Holy Spirit and how churches are trying to organize the move of God. Everything is timed perfectly, and everyone is taking notes on how to “go to the next level”. And then the next Sunday is part two of going to the next level. And so on and so forth. I ain’t gonna lie. I’ve been there in my Spiritual journey. Stuck on motivational speaking. But that ain’t the whole truth. Yes, all of that is covered in pre-school--during the first half of the day. But lets get to the other half. Let’s grow up a little and get to some mature things of God. I gotta admit. I’ve been there. I love an organized….whatever. But I would leave church and feel soooo empty. Soooo mal-nourished. Basically, I was being fed the preaching and the teaching, but the other part….healing and deliverance I was missing. And to be honest, the preaching is gone too. So now all we have are “teaching” ministries. We have sifted Christ right out of the church. We have sifted Christ’s main purpose for coming to earth right out of the church. Christ entered the earth to abolish the works of the enemy!!!! 1 John 3:8, not to teach Christians how to live happy, go-with-the-flow lives on earth.
So now we have a whole lot of people “going to the next level” by walking in there destiny cause they’re heirs to the [earth’s] kingdom, all while carrying baggage and issues. Like promoting self in the church. No reverence or respect for God. No fear. Cause ain’t nobody trying to commit to the whole truth. Ain’t nobody trying to sit through the whole day of Christianity 101.
Then Jesus went about all the cities and villages, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the gospel of the kingdom, and healing every sickness and every disease among the people. But when He saw the multitudes, He was moved with compassion for them, because they were weary and scattered, like sheep having no shepherd. --Matthew 9:35-36
But He said to them, “Let us go into the next towns, that I may preach there also, because for this purpose I have come forth.” And He was preaching in their synagogues throughout all Galilee, and casting out demons. Now a leper came to Him, imploring Him, kneeling down to Him and saying to Him, “If You are willing, You can make me clean.” Then Jesus, moved with compassion, stretched out His hand and touched him, and said to him, “I am willing; be cleansed.” As soon as He had spoken, immediately the leprosy left him, and he was cleansed. --Mark 1:38-42
So I got up this morning achy. Probably a combo of exhaustion and just running without paying attention to my body. Actually, all week my neck has been hurting, but I’ve been so busy at work, as well as doing some real estate stuff, that I just haven’t had the time to give attention to my aches and pains. Cause I try my best not to feed into sickness. But my body was screaming real loud this morning. So I got up, made me some Theraflu, and decided to stay in since it was rainy.
As I was lying there, I stumbled across a woman preaching who I had never seen. She told a story of a little boy that was so interesting. She said the little boy who I’m guessing is about 4 or 5 years old had just graduated from pre-school and had started his first day of kindergarten. When his parents picked him up they asked him how did he like his first day. The little boy answered, “I just want to know one thing…..who signed me up for the whole day????” I cracked up laughing cause it confirmed something that’s been in my Spirit all week.
My pastor actually talked about this on Friday night in church. He was basically saying how the church doesn’t fear God anymore. Ironically, when we were coming out of the church on Friday night…..me, my sister, and my niece were walking to the car and this lady---who is a church member---came running up to my sister with something she was selling. I assume my sister, being nice and passive, said she was interested in the products---some jewelry and whatever. Something I wouldn’t put in my jewelry box, neither would my sister, but anyway……. The lady comes running to us with the bag telling my sister she had the stuff she was interested in.
At first I looked the other way cause I could feel negativity in me. But then I thought about the night before when she ran across the church DURING SERVICE to give my sister a message about the products. And last week, during all-night prayer, while we were PRAYING she had the nerve to turn around to me and say……..I have silver hoops as well. When she first introduced her business at a church fellowship I brushed her off by saying that I was only interested in sterling silver hoops. It was my way of saying that I wasn’t interested. But this chick, I guess being a good business woman, called her company and found some silver hoops. And so what she expressed was that she wanted to catch us before we got away. But did she have to do it during service. That’s all I was asking.
So we’re walking out to the car and the lady starts doing her business spiel to my sister and so I turned towards her and said…… “please get away from us!!!” She wouldn’t back off. She rolled her eyes at me and kept talking to my sister. So I went there. And I make no apologies for it. I laid her out in the parking lot. Cause not only does she show no reverence for God’s children, but she has no respect for our house of worship. She has actually made the sanctuary her market place. NOT. She ran up against the wrong sisters.
So it just had me thinking all week. And my pastor broke it down on Friday night of how we don’t fear God. We, the church, do not fear GOD!!!! Cause if we did….we wouldn’t be doing some of the things that we do. I’m telling you……I FEAR GOD. I’ve expressed this many times, but I can’t get away with NOTHING. Every wrong move I take, and every wrong thing I say….I pay a high price for it. If you look up reap/sow in the dictionary you will see my photo. Probably that same Facebook photo---lol. With that bright smile cheesing. I done reaped so much from doing things my way that I’ve dwindled down to nothing. But that’s where God wants me. Dying to myself so that He can reign supreme in me. So I try my best to stay in God’s lane in which is causing tremendous growth in me. And so as I listened to the story of the little boy it just made me think of how we are so programmed to the “half day” mentality that we live and have our being in that half day, premature stage. In addition to that, we are knocked off guard when we have to put in a full day’s work.
Ok, so I was having a conversation with my girlfriend yesterday and we were discussing how the church, really America, is so consumed with blessings and the good things of God that we don’t know how to handle the bad things that we go through as Christians. The other side. The other half. The fullness of God. See we get so wrapped up in the things that we’re given, cause I’m telling you all the things that rubs our emotions the right way we call it a blessing, that we can’t discern and handle the things that don‘t feel good to us. You know……when warfare is needed. Or when we have to put an effort in handling a negative situation. We just chalk it up to…….. “whatever” or “that’s life”. Or….. “it’s in God’s hands” when we want to get super-spiritual.
I was reading some comments on Facebook of a friend who is going through a breakup. Yeees, she put all her business on the book. Of course she’s upset. Naturally she is. But I was reading some of the comments from her “saved” circle of friends and was amazed. A lot were saying stuff like….. “If its meant to be, it will be.” Or……. “What God has for you is for you.” You know those cliché responses. I basically said, ummmm……… “God closes doors too!!!” I was just trying not to pour salt into her wound. But then someone made the ultimate comment and said…… “Sometimes we put ourselves in situations that we shouldn’t have been in.” I soooo wanted to comment and say to the girl that she hit the nail on the head, but then there was this little sly comment from one of her closest friends that said, “Only God knows what’s best for you.” Umph.
Ok, that’s all nice for preschool……..but let us go to the full day. I’ll probably write her an email tomorrow that says……. “girl, you need to fall on your face before God and ask Him to deliver you from whatever nasty spirit is attached to your life that keeps causing breakups after breakups---even a failed marriage. Or whatever nasty spirit that keeps drawing you to the wrong man.” I see a spirit around her that she needs healing and deliverance from. And I ain’t judging or pointing fingers……I’m just exposing the truth. Cause I’ve gone through the same thing. Broken relationships, failed marriages, and having ungodly covenants ummmmm....... Christians shouldn't be subject to this kind of foolishness. Seek God, expose the truth, seek God, rebuke the enemy, seek God, take the lesson (exerting patience and self-control), seek God, and proceed in faith. Bottomline.
There was a visiting couple at church on Friday night. They are engaged to be married in September. So the visiting prophet basically went down a number of issues that the couple was well aware of secretly. He even went as far as to say that the guy was not happy in the relationship, and the girl was going through a lot of past turmoil that she has brought into the relationship. Everything the prophet told them they confirmed. To make this paragraph a little short......ummmm....the prophet was like the two of you should not be getting married. I grew up on this type of boldness. And that's where we need to go back to. Stop rubbing the ego. Lacing negativity with "a blessing from God."
My pastor went on to talk about the new movement of organizing the Holy Spirit and how churches are trying to organize the move of God. Everything is timed perfectly, and everyone is taking notes on how to “go to the next level”. And then the next Sunday is part two of going to the next level. And so on and so forth. I ain’t gonna lie. I’ve been there in my Spiritual journey. Stuck on motivational speaking. But that ain’t the whole truth. Yes, all of that is covered in pre-school--during the first half of the day. But lets get to the other half. Let’s grow up a little and get to some mature things of God. I gotta admit. I’ve been there. I love an organized….whatever. But I would leave church and feel soooo empty. Soooo mal-nourished. Basically, I was being fed the preaching and the teaching, but the other part….healing and deliverance I was missing. And to be honest, the preaching is gone too. So now all we have are “teaching” ministries. We have sifted Christ right out of the church. We have sifted Christ’s main purpose for coming to earth right out of the church. Christ entered the earth to abolish the works of the enemy!!!! 1 John 3:8, not to teach Christians how to live happy, go-with-the-flow lives on earth.
So now we have a whole lot of people “going to the next level” by walking in there destiny cause they’re heirs to the [earth’s] kingdom, all while carrying baggage and issues. Like promoting self in the church. No reverence or respect for God. No fear. Cause ain’t nobody trying to commit to the whole truth. Ain’t nobody trying to sit through the whole day of Christianity 101.
Then Jesus went about all the cities and villages, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the gospel of the kingdom, and healing every sickness and every disease among the people. But when He saw the multitudes, He was moved with compassion for them, because they were weary and scattered, like sheep having no shepherd. --Matthew 9:35-36
But He said to them, “Let us go into the next towns, that I may preach there also, because for this purpose I have come forth.” And He was preaching in their synagogues throughout all Galilee, and casting out demons. Now a leper came to Him, imploring Him, kneeling down to Him and saying to Him, “If You are willing, You can make me clean.” Then Jesus, moved with compassion, stretched out His hand and touched him, and said to him, “I am willing; be cleansed.” As soon as He had spoken, immediately the leprosy left him, and he was cleansed. --Mark 1:38-42
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Got Gifts, Will Travel
Ok, daily as part of my prayer I ask the Lord to put me at the right place, at the right time, doing the right thing, with the right people, for the right reasons, according to His perfect will. Gotta admit….saying this has become a little routine. But I assure you that I truly mean it. Every now and again, a little light bulb will go off reminding me that He is indeed ordering my steps and answering my daily prayer. The light bulb went off last night.
If I’ve never mentioned, my weekdays are looooong. My commute starts with a bus ride, then I hop on the train at the end of the line, and do a transfer at one of the busiest transfer stops. A total of 18 stops to be exact---but who’s counting (lol). When I get off of work more than likely I will hit the gym even if it’s for a brief 20 minute de-stressor walk. Then I do the same commute routine back home, most times stopping at the grocery store, not getting home til 8:45p. Once home, it seems like my second job begins. From showering to re-packing the gym bag and lunch, cooking dinner, checking mail, returning phone calls, etc. It’s a constant cycle.
Usually when I get home I automatically turn on the television in the living room just to bring some noise to my quiet abode. As soon as I hit the ON switch its lively since the television in the living room is set to the music channels. My intentions last night was to chill on the sofa, balance my checkbook, and watch Hawthorne. But for some reason I was so tired that I decided to forfeit my daily routine and wind down in my bedroom.
So I went in the room to watch Hawthorne. But right before I was about to change the channel I saw this Caucasian guy preaching on Daystar TV. Had never seen him before, but he caught my eyes and ears. He was dressed real casual, but very witty and deep. He was talking about self-promotion---one of my favorite topics (lol). He was saying how ministers in the Gospel self-promote their “ministries”, and basically…..its wrong. Same stuff I’ve been venting about over the last year in this blog. Folk and their flamboyant websites with full body shots pasted everywhere and now many being a part of reality shows, etc. Dude was on a roll. He obviously had a main topic, but it was spiraling into different areas as these.
Then he started talking about how Christians are now mimicking the world. He mentioned the Gospel version of American Idol that he stumbled across a few months ago. He said there were judges critiquing a sister who had sung Amazing Grace. He was like “c’mon dude…..AMAZING GRACE!!!” I have to agree…..that song ain’t even about the singing, it’s about the message. Dude was worked up. And the funny thing is I concurred cause I knew exactly what show he was referring to---hmmmmm. He was saying how we’ve conformed and followed the world so much that now the world is looking down on the church. Then he said…… “a shepherd who follows the sheep walks in poop.” The other word would give a nice ring to the phrase, but we won’t go there—lol. I fell out laughing cause its so true.
So then he talked about what it means to be called to ministry---timing and being positioned to truly hear from God. Of course he touched on the issue that many of us are calling ourselves into ministry. He gave an example of a woman who should be home raising 4 little “champions for Jesus”, but instead she’s out promoting her “Christian” book and leaving her children with the nanny. Of course you know this was right up my alley!!! Cause I strongly support marriage, parenting, and properly maintaining the household as the first ministry. And cringe when a momma AND DADDY are neglecting their God given duties for the sake of “purpose”. Ummm, Mrs. Wanted-to-be-Vice-President!!
So I continued to listen. It was waaay past the intro of Hawthorne, but my eyes were glued on this guy. So then he talked about when he was first called to ministry back in the 80s how everybody wanted to give him the keys to being successful in ministry. One guy told him that he needed to dress for success, wearing the finest custom-made suits. And so he this advice. And then another person told him that he needed to network at every Christian conference, handing out his business card. He said he would hand out his card that said……Got gifts, will travel. I cracked up. I knew it wasn’t literal, but that is the slogan we paste on our foreheads. Just being real gullible, and shining our light instead of letting our light shine. Then dude was like…..he woke up cause for one, none of this stuff was working. But more importantly…..it wasn’t the example Christ gave us. He was like....the disciples were walking around in itchy burlap sacks with a belt around it, eating bugs and honey, and preaching the Gospel—LOL. I was in tears laughing.
By this time I was like WHO IS THIS DUDE and WHY HAVEN’T I SEEN HIM BEFORE. I was about to call the 1-800 number at the bottom of the screen, but then I saw his name flash across the screen……..John Bevere. I was like….you have got to be kidding me!!!! [My friend] turned me on to John Bevere about two years ago. He had told me to read Driven by Eternity. I had purchased it, but it was like number 42 on my list of books to read---lol. Seriously, I’m a book junkie—lol. Finally, last spring as I traveled to the west coast I read it and was absolutely impressed. I love good writing. Ironically, I had seen an interview with John’s wife, Lisa, a couple of months ago and was impressed. They both have really good delivery.
Ok, so Hawthorne was a no go. Sorry Jada, but I was watching what I needed to be watching.
Then dude talked about an issue that has become taboo in the church. Again, I ain’t try’na prove nothing, but I be stressing this stuff in these writings--lol. And every now and again satan will try to creep up and say that I’m totally missing the mark. But something in my Spirit tells me otherwise. So it felt good for dude to touch on an issue that I blogged about last year in my entry…..Oh to Suffer.
So dude started talking about…….suffering. How being a true Christian means to suffer. Having a desert experience is essential to being an effective Christian. There’s no way around suffering. Then he hit me in my gut. He told what suffering is not.
First, suffering is not……..living with a sickness, illness, injury, or disease. Suffering is not waiting for healing. If that were so then the scripture: But he was wounded for our transgressions; he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed (Isaiah 53:5) would be a lie.
Second, suffering is not………living in poverty. Suffering is not waiting for the money train to come. Dude quoted the simple scripture: And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:19). I mean, everybody knows this scripture like the back of the hand. But I gotta admit……it didn’t register to me until recently.
He said that if sickness and being broke was considered suffering for Christ then the Word of God would be a big fat lie! Ok, I’d be the first to admit that when my finances are challenged I think that I’m in that state of being because God is trying to get my attention. But I’m learning that perhaps God is trying to get my attention to say that it is not His will for me to be in that place. And to remind me that He indeed gave me the skills and power to get out of it. I ain’t talking about having more money than I know what to do with. But I’m talking about being able to pay off a bill or two. Or to get a decent meal without worrying that I may not be able to eat for the rest of the week. I’m learning.
But then he broke down in a real simple definition what it really means to suffer. He said that suffering is when you are in the midst of a trial and you choose to obey God. That’s it. It could be 40 hours or 40 years. He said that we can extend suffering, but we cannot lessen it for we all must suffer as Christ did. He talked about Paul and Silas, and many others who's ministry was from prison. Not having a "prison ministry", but actually being the prisoner--lol. He just broke it down to real simple terms.
Therefore, suffering has nothing to do with being in an unhappy a marriage, longing for a mate, hoping for a career change, or stressing through a semester. No, no, no…..that’s feelings, not suffering. I guess suffering would probably be choosing to honor God by staying in, and being committed to, an “unhappy” marriage, seeking marriage counseling, trying to make it work, and not falling prey to adulterous activities even if you don’t see a light at the end of the tunnel. Cause you made a vow to your spouse. And to God. Whew….now that’s some serious suffering.
But the Lord said to him, “Go, for he is a chosen vessel of Mine to bear My name before Gentiles, kings, and the children of Israel. For I will show him how many things he must suffer for My name’s sake.” --Acts 9:15-16
Ok, I gotta be honest……now that I know what real suffering is, I ain’t had too many suffering experiences. I mean, I’d like to believe that I am an uncompromising Christian. And I’d have to say that my season is a little dry--lol. But I haven’t had too many suffering experiences where my flesh is so agonized that in the end I choose God. Ok, I take that back. I had one of those experiences last week. Umph. Sure did. Wow, now that I think about it I’ve had quite a few suffering experiences. Umph. Guess I am growing---lol. (deep breath).
One of the last points dude said was that it is only after a desert experience of suffering that you will gain power. Not before, not during, but AFTER. I guess I knew all of this, but it felt so good to hear it from a fresh perspective.
Do not fear any of those things which you are about to suffer. Indeed, the devil is about to throw some of you into prison, that you may be tested, and you will have tribulation ten days. Be faithful until death, and I will give you the crown of life. –Revelation 2:10
If I’ve never mentioned, my weekdays are looooong. My commute starts with a bus ride, then I hop on the train at the end of the line, and do a transfer at one of the busiest transfer stops. A total of 18 stops to be exact---but who’s counting (lol). When I get off of work more than likely I will hit the gym even if it’s for a brief 20 minute de-stressor walk. Then I do the same commute routine back home, most times stopping at the grocery store, not getting home til 8:45p. Once home, it seems like my second job begins. From showering to re-packing the gym bag and lunch, cooking dinner, checking mail, returning phone calls, etc. It’s a constant cycle.
Usually when I get home I automatically turn on the television in the living room just to bring some noise to my quiet abode. As soon as I hit the ON switch its lively since the television in the living room is set to the music channels. My intentions last night was to chill on the sofa, balance my checkbook, and watch Hawthorne. But for some reason I was so tired that I decided to forfeit my daily routine and wind down in my bedroom.
So I went in the room to watch Hawthorne. But right before I was about to change the channel I saw this Caucasian guy preaching on Daystar TV. Had never seen him before, but he caught my eyes and ears. He was dressed real casual, but very witty and deep. He was talking about self-promotion---one of my favorite topics (lol). He was saying how ministers in the Gospel self-promote their “ministries”, and basically…..its wrong. Same stuff I’ve been venting about over the last year in this blog. Folk and their flamboyant websites with full body shots pasted everywhere and now many being a part of reality shows, etc. Dude was on a roll. He obviously had a main topic, but it was spiraling into different areas as these.
Then he started talking about how Christians are now mimicking the world. He mentioned the Gospel version of American Idol that he stumbled across a few months ago. He said there were judges critiquing a sister who had sung Amazing Grace. He was like “c’mon dude…..AMAZING GRACE!!!” I have to agree…..that song ain’t even about the singing, it’s about the message. Dude was worked up. And the funny thing is I concurred cause I knew exactly what show he was referring to---hmmmmm. He was saying how we’ve conformed and followed the world so much that now the world is looking down on the church. Then he said…… “a shepherd who follows the sheep walks in poop.” The other word would give a nice ring to the phrase, but we won’t go there—lol. I fell out laughing cause its so true.
So then he talked about what it means to be called to ministry---timing and being positioned to truly hear from God. Of course he touched on the issue that many of us are calling ourselves into ministry. He gave an example of a woman who should be home raising 4 little “champions for Jesus”, but instead she’s out promoting her “Christian” book and leaving her children with the nanny. Of course you know this was right up my alley!!! Cause I strongly support marriage, parenting, and properly maintaining the household as the first ministry. And cringe when a momma AND DADDY are neglecting their God given duties for the sake of “purpose”. Ummm, Mrs. Wanted-to-be-Vice-President!!
So I continued to listen. It was waaay past the intro of Hawthorne, but my eyes were glued on this guy. So then he talked about when he was first called to ministry back in the 80s how everybody wanted to give him the keys to being successful in ministry. One guy told him that he needed to dress for success, wearing the finest custom-made suits. And so he this advice. And then another person told him that he needed to network at every Christian conference, handing out his business card. He said he would hand out his card that said……Got gifts, will travel. I cracked up. I knew it wasn’t literal, but that is the slogan we paste on our foreheads. Just being real gullible, and shining our light instead of letting our light shine. Then dude was like…..he woke up cause for one, none of this stuff was working. But more importantly…..it wasn’t the example Christ gave us. He was like....the disciples were walking around in itchy burlap sacks with a belt around it, eating bugs and honey, and preaching the Gospel—LOL. I was in tears laughing.
By this time I was like WHO IS THIS DUDE and WHY HAVEN’T I SEEN HIM BEFORE. I was about to call the 1-800 number at the bottom of the screen, but then I saw his name flash across the screen……..John Bevere. I was like….you have got to be kidding me!!!! [My friend] turned me on to John Bevere about two years ago. He had told me to read Driven by Eternity. I had purchased it, but it was like number 42 on my list of books to read---lol. Seriously, I’m a book junkie—lol. Finally, last spring as I traveled to the west coast I read it and was absolutely impressed. I love good writing. Ironically, I had seen an interview with John’s wife, Lisa, a couple of months ago and was impressed. They both have really good delivery.
Ok, so Hawthorne was a no go. Sorry Jada, but I was watching what I needed to be watching.
Then dude talked about an issue that has become taboo in the church. Again, I ain’t try’na prove nothing, but I be stressing this stuff in these writings--lol. And every now and again satan will try to creep up and say that I’m totally missing the mark. But something in my Spirit tells me otherwise. So it felt good for dude to touch on an issue that I blogged about last year in my entry…..Oh to Suffer.
So dude started talking about…….suffering. How being a true Christian means to suffer. Having a desert experience is essential to being an effective Christian. There’s no way around suffering. Then he hit me in my gut. He told what suffering is not.
First, suffering is not……..living with a sickness, illness, injury, or disease. Suffering is not waiting for healing. If that were so then the scripture: But he was wounded for our transgressions; he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed (Isaiah 53:5) would be a lie.
Second, suffering is not………living in poverty. Suffering is not waiting for the money train to come. Dude quoted the simple scripture: And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:19). I mean, everybody knows this scripture like the back of the hand. But I gotta admit……it didn’t register to me until recently.
He said that if sickness and being broke was considered suffering for Christ then the Word of God would be a big fat lie! Ok, I’d be the first to admit that when my finances are challenged I think that I’m in that state of being because God is trying to get my attention. But I’m learning that perhaps God is trying to get my attention to say that it is not His will for me to be in that place. And to remind me that He indeed gave me the skills and power to get out of it. I ain’t talking about having more money than I know what to do with. But I’m talking about being able to pay off a bill or two. Or to get a decent meal without worrying that I may not be able to eat for the rest of the week. I’m learning.
But then he broke down in a real simple definition what it really means to suffer. He said that suffering is when you are in the midst of a trial and you choose to obey God. That’s it. It could be 40 hours or 40 years. He said that we can extend suffering, but we cannot lessen it for we all must suffer as Christ did. He talked about Paul and Silas, and many others who's ministry was from prison. Not having a "prison ministry", but actually being the prisoner--lol. He just broke it down to real simple terms.
Therefore, suffering has nothing to do with being in an unhappy a marriage, longing for a mate, hoping for a career change, or stressing through a semester. No, no, no…..that’s feelings, not suffering. I guess suffering would probably be choosing to honor God by staying in, and being committed to, an “unhappy” marriage, seeking marriage counseling, trying to make it work, and not falling prey to adulterous activities even if you don’t see a light at the end of the tunnel. Cause you made a vow to your spouse. And to God. Whew….now that’s some serious suffering.
But the Lord said to him, “Go, for he is a chosen vessel of Mine to bear My name before Gentiles, kings, and the children of Israel. For I will show him how many things he must suffer for My name’s sake.” --Acts 9:15-16
Ok, I gotta be honest……now that I know what real suffering is, I ain’t had too many suffering experiences. I mean, I’d like to believe that I am an uncompromising Christian. And I’d have to say that my season is a little dry--lol. But I haven’t had too many suffering experiences where my flesh is so agonized that in the end I choose God. Ok, I take that back. I had one of those experiences last week. Umph. Sure did. Wow, now that I think about it I’ve had quite a few suffering experiences. Umph. Guess I am growing---lol. (deep breath).
One of the last points dude said was that it is only after a desert experience of suffering that you will gain power. Not before, not during, but AFTER. I guess I knew all of this, but it felt so good to hear it from a fresh perspective.
Do not fear any of those things which you are about to suffer. Indeed, the devil is about to throw some of you into prison, that you may be tested, and you will have tribulation ten days. Be faithful until death, and I will give you the crown of life. –Revelation 2:10
Monday, June 29, 2009
With This Ring.....
What a weekend. Every last Friday of the month my church has all night prayer from 10p-6am. And this past Friday was prayer night. Actually, it’s a little more than prayer since a portion of it is prophetic, and a portion is praise and worship. I hadn’t done an all-night prayer in about two months or so, so my body wasn’t really prepared for it. Sad to say that I discontinued my fast a week earlier than the rest. ---OK, I’M WORKING ON IT—lol. Prior to the last time...I did the gusto. An all-night/all-day prayer. That one was 7p on Friday to 7p on Saturday. YESSSSSS……straight through. So I knew what to expect, but my body was on its own pace. But I’m enjoying every minute of this because I asked for it. I luuuuv going deep in the Lord.
Anyway, so I actually wanted to write this entry on Saturday, but I ain’t gonna lie…..I stayed in the bed from the time I got in which was about 8:30a Saturday morning til it was time to get up for church on Sunday morning. I was just that exhausted. I had no physical energy. My body was so limp. Understandably so cause during prayer I cried out to God so much that I felt dehydrated. Especially during the prophetic part. I mean, those prophesies were coming so strong, pulling up all kinds of stuff that I couldn’t help but cry for others. One prophecy to a husband and a wife about their second born son took me so far that I had to just fall on my knees in prayer. It was just that deep.
But these prayer services are really needed. At least for me they are. But when the church is packed out, ummm I guess others feel the same way. But we pray for a number of issues and things. We do intercession for our loved ones, the church, the country, we pray for it all. We let the Spirit lead. Our Arch Bishop participated with us this time and so he touched on some things that were really, really deep. Things that I had heard in the past coming from a deliverance ministry and apostolic background. But on Friday night he took it to a whole another level.
Ok, bear with me cause I want to make sure I say this right. Ok, one of the things that my pastor and guest evangelists have been teaching us over the months is the dangers of soul ties. Of being so connected with an individual or thing that you worship it. You begin to idolize that thing or person. It’s funny because I’ve always felt this way about the dangers of soul ties even before coming to this ministry. I cringe when people say stuff like….such and such is my soul mate. Or…..we were soul mates. Ok, nobody should have your soul BUT GOD. Not your husband, not your children, not your baby’s father, not your pastor, not your church, not your career. ONLY GOD.
So on Friday night one of the prayers that we put on the altar was to break soul ties and ungodly relationships. I’d like to believe that I’m exempt from putting negative folk in my circle and falling for the wrong man, but even the best of us get tripped up sometimes---LOL. So when the soul ties thing came up my ears were perked cause I needed to hear this.
Anyway, so as we were praying and putting our soul ties on the altar, Arch Bishop told us that there are two things that we must be very careful of receiving from folk which could determine the level or depth of a soul tie. I was all-ears. I knew what one was, but I needed to know what the other was. Ok, the one I didn’t know was that we must be careful of receiving perfume or gifts of fragrance from people. As soon as he said it my mind did a…...dododododo…..mental scan of my bathroom. Yep, ain’t that the truth. It was as if a ton of bricks had hit a sistah. I could think off the top of my head 5 perfumes that was given to me by suspect folk, not including lotions. The funny thing is that each person who gave me those gifts---for no special reason---are all folk that I cut off within the last few years.
As I sat there listening I was astonished. It was all coming back to me. What he said was that fragrance is an attractor and you have to be really careful of, of course, who you attract. But the deep part is that if the giver has negative motives about you, even as innocent as wishing they’d accomplish what you accomplished, or even about themselves you can be receiving their negative spirits and attracting those same type of folk to you. Hearing this goes a lot deeper for me.
Ironically, for the last 7 or so years this woman, an older mother-figure woman, took me under her wings at work and just started showering me with gifts. At first it was very uncomfortable because I wasn’t use to people giving me gifts for no reason. I mean, my birthday is one thing, but I’d come to work and there would be a Coach shopping bag on my chair with a beautiful Coach purse in it. One day, I came to work and there was a shopping bag with a 1,000 count Egyptian cotton sheet set. I know the sheets had to cost close to $300. I know the brand well, but could never afford them. But she knew my love for sheets and surprised me with them….just for the heck of it.
Her gifts to me were endless---had my family raising an eyebrow. From jewelry to clothes to shoes to all types of designer handbags to food to electronics to money to gift cards……the gifts were endless. And so at first I knew the Lord was dealing with me because He was teaching me how to receive. See, I’m a giver by nature, but not to that extent. But I do love to give. Over the years it’s been an issue with me learning how to receive and so I thought that my colleague was very instrumental in helping me to learn; how to accept from others. But what I didn’t understand until years later was that there was a spirit behind all of that giving.
Ok, this is where it gets heavy. My colleague had given me several bottles of perfume---Angel, Givenchy, and another designer. But there was one lotion that she’d given me that I had no idea where it came from. The brand was unknown and to be honest it didn’t seem like anything expensive or even popular because of the packaging. But I loved the lotion, not just the bold floral scent, but I loved the lotion because it really moisturized my body. It had a good texture to it.
One day I wore it to work and another colleague, one of my guy friends, made a comment saying…….. “Jill, you smell like you been to Georgia Avenue.” Gotta admit it was sooo funny when he said it. But what I didn’t like was that I HATE Georgia Avenue. Georgia Avenue, near Howard University, has always been demonic to me. Even as a child I felt weird being up in that area. There’s a very negative aura about Georgia Avenue. A lot of muslims and mosques are up there, as well as other religious cults. So after he said it, I started to feel creepy. But I didn’t stop wearing it cause “I” liked it. The funny thing is that because my colleague had her connections where she got the lotion from for “a discount”, I had to rely on her to maintain my supply.
Then stuff started happening. Within the last two years [my friend] came in my life. I’m very private in that area but there were times when I just had to share little things beyond my inner circle that made me blush. So this particular day, I actually had his photo on my phone’s home screen, I mentioned him to her. I told her that I’d met a guy who I really liked, and who was also digging me. Her face was flushed. She didn’t comment, but just looked at me like she had no interest in my interest. Let me go back a moment. My colleague is divorced and has 4 adult daughters. None of them are married and if someone ask if or when her daughters will marry she makes it clear that they’re not interested in being married, and she supports that. Case close.
But since I had told her about [my friend], things just started to change between me and her. She started to change towards me. And I started to feel differently towards her. She had an apparent jealousy towards [my friend] and she’d never even met him. The gifts still kept coming, but it started to feel really weird. I had spoken to him about the situation and the funny thing is that he told me to stop accepting gifts from her especially fragrances. I never questioned why perfume, but I respected his advice.
Anyway, my 39th birthday was this past February and so as a gift she gave me a couple hundred dollars. When I opened the card and saw the money I felt really uneasy. I did thank her, but I told her that I could no longer receive gifts from her. She took it really negatively. Now when I see her I see so much darkness and turmoil. It’s a spirit that I can’t put my finger on. Several other colleagues say it’s a lesbian spirit, but she has never made any sexual advances towards me even though I know that that spirit goes way beyond sexual immorality. She ain’t crazy, though. But aside from that I've never known her to be interested in woman. Or anybody for that matter. So not know how to really handle the situation I've just been keeping my distance. I do pray for her, but that’s the extent of our communication. The ironic thing is that since my birthday, around the time I cut her off, all hell has broken loose with me and [my friend]. But God is in control of that situation.
Anyway, the other thing that my Arch Bishop told us to be careful in accepting from folk is jewelry--- especially rings. In many African customs, don’t know if its in all, but if a man gives a woman an engagement ring with the intentions of marrying her the woman is automatically considered his if she indeed accepts the ring. That’s even before the marriage vows. You can’t just accept the ring on a contingency, try-out basis. No, you are bound to that person. Engagements here in America are totally different than in Africa, and probably from any other continents. Cause we take things so lightly here. Accepting jewelry from the wrong person is very dangerous. But I knew about the jewelry thing waaay before I started attending this church.
Years ago, I remember hearing stories about my great-grandmother and how there was an issue with her and another woman sharing the same wedding ring from my great-grandfather. I remember hearing the story when I was little. But it came to the forefront years later when my mother was given a prophecy from an evangelist who told her about the situation and the ring, and how it was a curse on our family. That evening my mother stood in the gap for my family and allowed the Lord to break the curse. But after hearing what was said it just all sorta lined up to our family’s quality of life during that time. So I’ve ALWAYS been leery about folk giving me jewelry.
About five years ago, my colleague, an Asian woman who is buddhist, gave me a beautiful bracelet for my birthday. It was encrusted with pure Amethyst, my birthstone. We share the same birthstone so I assume she felt the need to go there with me. When she gave it to me it was the talk of the office because this woman was known to have come from a very wealthy family. Not knowing how to reject a gift, I accepted it but as soon as I got home I threw it away. Didn’t think twice about it. Something didn’t sit well with me. And that’s waaay before I decided to recommit myself back to Christ. But I know demonic forces and how they operate. Again, I come from a deliverance ministry, and understand quite well that spirits are real.
Jewelry---especially rings---represents a covenant. In a lot of situations, it can be a silent-covenant, but it is indeed a covenant. As a woman, if a man gives me diamond earrings to me we have a bond. Ok, I’m not talking about naivety, but real, solid feelings. Jewelry makes a statement. Always have, always will. I heard some of my male colleagues say that they would never accept a watch from a woman who is not their wife because to them it’s symbolic of a woman controlling their time. All this is funny, and seems very spooky, but you’d be surprised with the motives and meanings behind gifts. It can be a very dangerous thing.
A few years back, a former sister-friend gave me a beautiful silver necklace when I passed the real estate exam. She and I were very close friends until she started cheating on her husband with a married associate of ours. She couldn’t understand why I wasn’t supporting her mess and so we started drifting apart. I’d hope things would get better between us, but it was a domino effect that just knocked everything and everybody out. Aside from her being from Haiti in which she had dabbled in voodoo “for fun” in her younger days, I loved her. She claimed she’d steer cleared of her past and grasped on to Jesus. I couldn’t see no real evidence, but I took her at her word. Cause she was my girl. With a good heart. And so when she started acting funny I didn’t change cause I refused to change due to her negativity. For years I’d stumble over the necklace in my jewelry box reminiscing on our best days, but never had a desire to wear it. I still have the necklace since it represents an accomplishment in which she shared in. Umph. Soul ties. Ain’t like I didn’t see that one coming---lol. I don't even know where I was going with this one--LOL.
Anyway, so yesterday I was soooo tired when it was time to get up for church. But I knew I had a mission aside from making it to church before my pastor got up to preach. –OK I’M WORKING ON IT—lol. But yes, before I left for church I went through my bedroom and bathroom, and trashed EVERY perfume and fragrance given to me from questionable folk. I threw it all away. Didn’t think twice about it. Tonight I’m going home and tackling the jewelry box. But right now I’m starting with the small silver hoops in my ears. TRASH!!!
Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul? --Mark 8:37
Anyway, so I actually wanted to write this entry on Saturday, but I ain’t gonna lie…..I stayed in the bed from the time I got in which was about 8:30a Saturday morning til it was time to get up for church on Sunday morning. I was just that exhausted. I had no physical energy. My body was so limp. Understandably so cause during prayer I cried out to God so much that I felt dehydrated. Especially during the prophetic part. I mean, those prophesies were coming so strong, pulling up all kinds of stuff that I couldn’t help but cry for others. One prophecy to a husband and a wife about their second born son took me so far that I had to just fall on my knees in prayer. It was just that deep.
But these prayer services are really needed. At least for me they are. But when the church is packed out, ummm I guess others feel the same way. But we pray for a number of issues and things. We do intercession for our loved ones, the church, the country, we pray for it all. We let the Spirit lead. Our Arch Bishop participated with us this time and so he touched on some things that were really, really deep. Things that I had heard in the past coming from a deliverance ministry and apostolic background. But on Friday night he took it to a whole another level.
Ok, bear with me cause I want to make sure I say this right. Ok, one of the things that my pastor and guest evangelists have been teaching us over the months is the dangers of soul ties. Of being so connected with an individual or thing that you worship it. You begin to idolize that thing or person. It’s funny because I’ve always felt this way about the dangers of soul ties even before coming to this ministry. I cringe when people say stuff like….such and such is my soul mate. Or…..we were soul mates. Ok, nobody should have your soul BUT GOD. Not your husband, not your children, not your baby’s father, not your pastor, not your church, not your career. ONLY GOD.
So on Friday night one of the prayers that we put on the altar was to break soul ties and ungodly relationships. I’d like to believe that I’m exempt from putting negative folk in my circle and falling for the wrong man, but even the best of us get tripped up sometimes---LOL. So when the soul ties thing came up my ears were perked cause I needed to hear this.
Anyway, so as we were praying and putting our soul ties on the altar, Arch Bishop told us that there are two things that we must be very careful of receiving from folk which could determine the level or depth of a soul tie. I was all-ears. I knew what one was, but I needed to know what the other was. Ok, the one I didn’t know was that we must be careful of receiving perfume or gifts of fragrance from people. As soon as he said it my mind did a…...dododododo…..mental scan of my bathroom. Yep, ain’t that the truth. It was as if a ton of bricks had hit a sistah. I could think off the top of my head 5 perfumes that was given to me by suspect folk, not including lotions. The funny thing is that each person who gave me those gifts---for no special reason---are all folk that I cut off within the last few years.
As I sat there listening I was astonished. It was all coming back to me. What he said was that fragrance is an attractor and you have to be really careful of, of course, who you attract. But the deep part is that if the giver has negative motives about you, even as innocent as wishing they’d accomplish what you accomplished, or even about themselves you can be receiving their negative spirits and attracting those same type of folk to you. Hearing this goes a lot deeper for me.
Ironically, for the last 7 or so years this woman, an older mother-figure woman, took me under her wings at work and just started showering me with gifts. At first it was very uncomfortable because I wasn’t use to people giving me gifts for no reason. I mean, my birthday is one thing, but I’d come to work and there would be a Coach shopping bag on my chair with a beautiful Coach purse in it. One day, I came to work and there was a shopping bag with a 1,000 count Egyptian cotton sheet set. I know the sheets had to cost close to $300. I know the brand well, but could never afford them. But she knew my love for sheets and surprised me with them….just for the heck of it.
Her gifts to me were endless---had my family raising an eyebrow. From jewelry to clothes to shoes to all types of designer handbags to food to electronics to money to gift cards……the gifts were endless. And so at first I knew the Lord was dealing with me because He was teaching me how to receive. See, I’m a giver by nature, but not to that extent. But I do love to give. Over the years it’s been an issue with me learning how to receive and so I thought that my colleague was very instrumental in helping me to learn; how to accept from others. But what I didn’t understand until years later was that there was a spirit behind all of that giving.
Ok, this is where it gets heavy. My colleague had given me several bottles of perfume---Angel, Givenchy, and another designer. But there was one lotion that she’d given me that I had no idea where it came from. The brand was unknown and to be honest it didn’t seem like anything expensive or even popular because of the packaging. But I loved the lotion, not just the bold floral scent, but I loved the lotion because it really moisturized my body. It had a good texture to it.
One day I wore it to work and another colleague, one of my guy friends, made a comment saying…….. “Jill, you smell like you been to Georgia Avenue.” Gotta admit it was sooo funny when he said it. But what I didn’t like was that I HATE Georgia Avenue. Georgia Avenue, near Howard University, has always been demonic to me. Even as a child I felt weird being up in that area. There’s a very negative aura about Georgia Avenue. A lot of muslims and mosques are up there, as well as other religious cults. So after he said it, I started to feel creepy. But I didn’t stop wearing it cause “I” liked it. The funny thing is that because my colleague had her connections where she got the lotion from for “a discount”, I had to rely on her to maintain my supply.
Then stuff started happening. Within the last two years [my friend] came in my life. I’m very private in that area but there were times when I just had to share little things beyond my inner circle that made me blush. So this particular day, I actually had his photo on my phone’s home screen, I mentioned him to her. I told her that I’d met a guy who I really liked, and who was also digging me. Her face was flushed. She didn’t comment, but just looked at me like she had no interest in my interest. Let me go back a moment. My colleague is divorced and has 4 adult daughters. None of them are married and if someone ask if or when her daughters will marry she makes it clear that they’re not interested in being married, and she supports that. Case close.
But since I had told her about [my friend], things just started to change between me and her. She started to change towards me. And I started to feel differently towards her. She had an apparent jealousy towards [my friend] and she’d never even met him. The gifts still kept coming, but it started to feel really weird. I had spoken to him about the situation and the funny thing is that he told me to stop accepting gifts from her especially fragrances. I never questioned why perfume, but I respected his advice.
Anyway, my 39th birthday was this past February and so as a gift she gave me a couple hundred dollars. When I opened the card and saw the money I felt really uneasy. I did thank her, but I told her that I could no longer receive gifts from her. She took it really negatively. Now when I see her I see so much darkness and turmoil. It’s a spirit that I can’t put my finger on. Several other colleagues say it’s a lesbian spirit, but she has never made any sexual advances towards me even though I know that that spirit goes way beyond sexual immorality. She ain’t crazy, though. But aside from that I've never known her to be interested in woman. Or anybody for that matter. So not know how to really handle the situation I've just been keeping my distance. I do pray for her, but that’s the extent of our communication. The ironic thing is that since my birthday, around the time I cut her off, all hell has broken loose with me and [my friend]. But God is in control of that situation.
Anyway, the other thing that my Arch Bishop told us to be careful in accepting from folk is jewelry--- especially rings. In many African customs, don’t know if its in all, but if a man gives a woman an engagement ring with the intentions of marrying her the woman is automatically considered his if she indeed accepts the ring. That’s even before the marriage vows. You can’t just accept the ring on a contingency, try-out basis. No, you are bound to that person. Engagements here in America are totally different than in Africa, and probably from any other continents. Cause we take things so lightly here. Accepting jewelry from the wrong person is very dangerous. But I knew about the jewelry thing waaay before I started attending this church.
Years ago, I remember hearing stories about my great-grandmother and how there was an issue with her and another woman sharing the same wedding ring from my great-grandfather. I remember hearing the story when I was little. But it came to the forefront years later when my mother was given a prophecy from an evangelist who told her about the situation and the ring, and how it was a curse on our family. That evening my mother stood in the gap for my family and allowed the Lord to break the curse. But after hearing what was said it just all sorta lined up to our family’s quality of life during that time. So I’ve ALWAYS been leery about folk giving me jewelry.
About five years ago, my colleague, an Asian woman who is buddhist, gave me a beautiful bracelet for my birthday. It was encrusted with pure Amethyst, my birthstone. We share the same birthstone so I assume she felt the need to go there with me. When she gave it to me it was the talk of the office because this woman was known to have come from a very wealthy family. Not knowing how to reject a gift, I accepted it but as soon as I got home I threw it away. Didn’t think twice about it. Something didn’t sit well with me. And that’s waaay before I decided to recommit myself back to Christ. But I know demonic forces and how they operate. Again, I come from a deliverance ministry, and understand quite well that spirits are real.
Jewelry---especially rings---represents a covenant. In a lot of situations, it can be a silent-covenant, but it is indeed a covenant. As a woman, if a man gives me diamond earrings to me we have a bond. Ok, I’m not talking about naivety, but real, solid feelings. Jewelry makes a statement. Always have, always will. I heard some of my male colleagues say that they would never accept a watch from a woman who is not their wife because to them it’s symbolic of a woman controlling their time. All this is funny, and seems very spooky, but you’d be surprised with the motives and meanings behind gifts. It can be a very dangerous thing.
A few years back, a former sister-friend gave me a beautiful silver necklace when I passed the real estate exam. She and I were very close friends until she started cheating on her husband with a married associate of ours. She couldn’t understand why I wasn’t supporting her mess and so we started drifting apart. I’d hope things would get better between us, but it was a domino effect that just knocked everything and everybody out. Aside from her being from Haiti in which she had dabbled in voodoo “for fun” in her younger days, I loved her. She claimed she’d steer cleared of her past and grasped on to Jesus. I couldn’t see no real evidence, but I took her at her word. Cause she was my girl. With a good heart. And so when she started acting funny I didn’t change cause I refused to change due to her negativity. For years I’d stumble over the necklace in my jewelry box reminiscing on our best days, but never had a desire to wear it. I still have the necklace since it represents an accomplishment in which she shared in. Umph. Soul ties. Ain’t like I didn’t see that one coming---lol. I don't even know where I was going with this one--LOL.
Anyway, so yesterday I was soooo tired when it was time to get up for church. But I knew I had a mission aside from making it to church before my pastor got up to preach. –OK I’M WORKING ON IT—lol. But yes, before I left for church I went through my bedroom and bathroom, and trashed EVERY perfume and fragrance given to me from questionable folk. I threw it all away. Didn’t think twice about it. Tonight I’m going home and tackling the jewelry box. But right now I’m starting with the small silver hoops in my ears. TRASH!!!
Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul? --Mark 8:37
Friday, June 26, 2009
What??!!!!!!
No, I wish it wasn’t so. Nope, not the death of my boy Michael Jackson, but that I went to turn on the Gospel station to escape from all the sadness and was surprised by what I heard. “Man in the Mirror” by…………Michael Jackson!!! LOL. Yes, the Gospel station was having their own MJ tribute going on. Wow. What can I say. Dude and all his weirdness and faults was loved. And I take it as a good thing.
Anyway…….I got something on my mind today. Actually it’s been on my mind for the last few days, but life (or should I say death—lol) got in the way and so I’m just getting round to expressing. Ok, (deep breath) I just found out this week that a sorta famous pastor/first lady couple who I admired….divorced. Yes, I’m a little late with the news cause apparently they’ve been split for a year or so now, but I’m hurt. Utterly, hurt.
Ok, I’m convinced that satan has a hit on church folk, especially our pastors and leaders. I mean, they’re falling left and right. It’s a classic example of divide and conquer. Cause as long as satan can get husbands and wives against each other half of the battle is over. Satan is fooling us left and right, and for some strange reason we’re WALKING, not falling, into his trap.
You know what I firmly believe???? I believe that……. ummm, ok how can I put this. Ok, I believe that we have fooled ourselves into thinking that Christianity equals success. Somehow, somewhere we bought into the fallacy that once you become a Christian you have become royal kings and queens on earth. And so that becomes the mindset. This arrogantly built image. But it’s a lie because our primary mission on earth as Christians is not to be successful. We were only given two primary missions on earth and they are: spread the Gospel and love thy brethren. All other missions are a byproduct or subset of these two.
A few months ago, me and [my friend] had a deep discussion about an incident that he’d experienced. His pastor had gone on a mission trip to Africa and when his pastor returned he was asked to pick him up from the airport. So he, [my friend] was at the airport gate waiting for his pastor to get off the 20 hour flight from East Africa, but realized that he was waiting an extra long time even after the plane had landed. So finally after just about everybody had gotten off the plane he sees his pastor making his way to the baggage area. Immediately [my friend] got upset. He’d actually called me while standing at the gate waiting because he realized what had happened. He was quite upset because he discovered that his pastor was booked on coach, instead of first class.
Ok, so all week I was hearing his hysteria. But I wasn’t really moved. Not because I didn’t think that his pastor was worthy of a first class seat---I’m the first to make an upgrade if its in my budget (lol)---but I wasn’t moved because I didn’t think that him being a pastor should have automatically qualified for an upgrade. I mean, I wasn’t against it---no not at all---but what I tried to explain to him was that God’s will and timing is so orchestrated for His people that it could have been in his coach seat that he met someone who needed an encouraging word or an invitation to Christ. Aside from that, God is a healer and a strengthener and if there was any discomfort caused from being in coach, I can guarantee that God could sustain him. Obviously he did.
Ok, can I just remind folk that a call to Christian leadership is a call to serve, not to be served. I mean, we have the ultimate example in Christ. And His disciples. I mean, I don’t recall any of them establishing a kingdom in Jerusalem with servants. Last week, and other times, I was so tickled. We had a member’s appreciation fellowship at church and my pastor bragged to us that his wife, the first lady, had been up all night cooking for us. And it’s not the first time. My pastor’s wife is a great example of being a server. Not only does she ensures that her husband’s meals are ready and waiting after he steps off the pulpit---yes she takes complete responsibility in preparing her husband’s meals, but she also serves us. I admire that. She has submitted to the will of God. Regardless of how she feels or what she thinks, she knows her roles and responsibilities as a wife and as a pastor’s wife. Thus she has surrendered her will to God’s will. I’m sure she ain’t perfect, but she’s sure setting the perfect example. She’s teaching yours truly a thing or two—lol.
See, once we make the choice to answer God’s call on our lives we have to immediately submit to His will. That’s mind, body, and soul. What a lot of church folk have done is chose God and accepted the call, but haven’t allowed the Lord to have His perfect will in their lives, only His permissive will. We haven’t given up total control. As a result, a lot of our driving force is self-willed. Don’t misunderstand me……I believe that a lot of these self-willed folk are indeed called by God. But a lot of decisions are being made cognitively and carnally, and not Spiritually which can be contrary to the will and Word of God. For instance………the “no limits, take the limits off” mantra. I mean, I luuuuvs the song, “No Limits” by Israel and New Breed. One of my favorites. But there’s a thin line between having unlimited possibilities as the children of God and being limited to the will of God. A VERY thin line. It is my belief that somewhere between that line we get lost. And this is when satan steps in.
Put limits for the people around the mountain and tell them, 'Be careful that you do not go up the mountain or touch the foot of it. Whoever touches the mountain shall surely be put to death. –Exodus 19:13
From their callous hearts comes iniquity; the evil conceits of their minds know no limits. –Psalm 73:7
Ok, so after hearing the news about the pastor/first lady couple divorcing I perused their websites to see just how they were maintaining. I mean, to be honest, I’m real big on humility and telling your story first for more than enough reasons. But I’m baffled because this couple was a dynamic duo in which I know the Lord had a call on their lives. I remember seeing them together at another church they were visiting. And the pastor of that church called them both up to the altar and began praying and prophesying over them and it was so powerful. They both were crying as they held hands. And as soon as the pastor laid his hands on them they fell down to the floor together worshipping God. That to me is such a true example of humbling oneself before God. But seeing that was so powerful for me and I had admired them both since then. And now after several children and building a huge ministry together they have decided to call it quits. Because apparently dude had an adulterous affair. Wow. Ain’t like we didn’t see that one coming.
So I went to her website first because I wanted to see how she was holding up, more importantly if she was still ministering. And she is. But I was disappointed. Because she too had one of those “look-at-me-I’m-God’s-top-model-and-you-should-admire-me” websites like I notice several other women in ministry have. Probably the same web-designer--lol. Don’t know. Just know that it screamed “forget about Jesus I’m the one who you should focus on!!” When you log on there’s these bright, bold colors and an image of a jewelry box or crown or tiara or something. I guess it's supposed to represent royalty. But then there’s a flash of a photo shoot of her in several different outfits and poses. Another thought……wouldn’t it be wonderful to flash the Word instead of photos???? Just a thought.
Anyway, I was so distraught perusing the website that I just clicked off. I couldn’t look at it anymore. Cause I refuse to believe that after almost 20 years of marriage, several children, and a ministry with your husband you can all of a sudden look as though you’ve rebound into God’s “leading lady”. Nope. Ain’t buying that superwoman image. Now I ain’t saying that she shouldn’t heal or move on, but what I am saying is……sit your butt down and deal with your issues privately!!!! In the throne room!!! Cause somewhere, somehow satan seeped in and punked the both of you.
And so then I started thinking. You know, adultery on anybody’s part is really the end result of a whole bunch of other issues. And as much as I hate to admit it, I don’t think I can blame dude solely for creeping. Don’t get me wrong…..dude violated!!! But if his wife’s website is indicative of their marriage, then dude’s lack of self-control was the perfect companion for his wife’s self-promoting image. Destruction was bound to happen. And when boundaries are crossed all hell will break loose. Bottomline.
We, however, will not boast beyond proper limits, but will confine our boasting to the field God has assigned to us, a field that reaches even to you. We are not going too far in our boasting, as would be the case if we had not come to you, for we did get as far as you with the gospel of Christ. Neither do we go beyond our limits by boasting of work done by others. Our hope is that, as your faith continues to grow, our area of activity among you will greatly expand, so that we can preach the gospel in the regions beyond you. –2 Corinthians 10:13-16
Anyway…….I got something on my mind today. Actually it’s been on my mind for the last few days, but life (or should I say death—lol) got in the way and so I’m just getting round to expressing. Ok, (deep breath) I just found out this week that a sorta famous pastor/first lady couple who I admired….divorced. Yes, I’m a little late with the news cause apparently they’ve been split for a year or so now, but I’m hurt. Utterly, hurt.
Ok, I’m convinced that satan has a hit on church folk, especially our pastors and leaders. I mean, they’re falling left and right. It’s a classic example of divide and conquer. Cause as long as satan can get husbands and wives against each other half of the battle is over. Satan is fooling us left and right, and for some strange reason we’re WALKING, not falling, into his trap.
You know what I firmly believe???? I believe that……. ummm, ok how can I put this. Ok, I believe that we have fooled ourselves into thinking that Christianity equals success. Somehow, somewhere we bought into the fallacy that once you become a Christian you have become royal kings and queens on earth. And so that becomes the mindset. This arrogantly built image. But it’s a lie because our primary mission on earth as Christians is not to be successful. We were only given two primary missions on earth and they are: spread the Gospel and love thy brethren. All other missions are a byproduct or subset of these two.
A few months ago, me and [my friend] had a deep discussion about an incident that he’d experienced. His pastor had gone on a mission trip to Africa and when his pastor returned he was asked to pick him up from the airport. So he, [my friend] was at the airport gate waiting for his pastor to get off the 20 hour flight from East Africa, but realized that he was waiting an extra long time even after the plane had landed. So finally after just about everybody had gotten off the plane he sees his pastor making his way to the baggage area. Immediately [my friend] got upset. He’d actually called me while standing at the gate waiting because he realized what had happened. He was quite upset because he discovered that his pastor was booked on coach, instead of first class.
Ok, so all week I was hearing his hysteria. But I wasn’t really moved. Not because I didn’t think that his pastor was worthy of a first class seat---I’m the first to make an upgrade if its in my budget (lol)---but I wasn’t moved because I didn’t think that him being a pastor should have automatically qualified for an upgrade. I mean, I wasn’t against it---no not at all---but what I tried to explain to him was that God’s will and timing is so orchestrated for His people that it could have been in his coach seat that he met someone who needed an encouraging word or an invitation to Christ. Aside from that, God is a healer and a strengthener and if there was any discomfort caused from being in coach, I can guarantee that God could sustain him. Obviously he did.
Ok, can I just remind folk that a call to Christian leadership is a call to serve, not to be served. I mean, we have the ultimate example in Christ. And His disciples. I mean, I don’t recall any of them establishing a kingdom in Jerusalem with servants. Last week, and other times, I was so tickled. We had a member’s appreciation fellowship at church and my pastor bragged to us that his wife, the first lady, had been up all night cooking for us. And it’s not the first time. My pastor’s wife is a great example of being a server. Not only does she ensures that her husband’s meals are ready and waiting after he steps off the pulpit---yes she takes complete responsibility in preparing her husband’s meals, but she also serves us. I admire that. She has submitted to the will of God. Regardless of how she feels or what she thinks, she knows her roles and responsibilities as a wife and as a pastor’s wife. Thus she has surrendered her will to God’s will. I’m sure she ain’t perfect, but she’s sure setting the perfect example. She’s teaching yours truly a thing or two—lol.
See, once we make the choice to answer God’s call on our lives we have to immediately submit to His will. That’s mind, body, and soul. What a lot of church folk have done is chose God and accepted the call, but haven’t allowed the Lord to have His perfect will in their lives, only His permissive will. We haven’t given up total control. As a result, a lot of our driving force is self-willed. Don’t misunderstand me……I believe that a lot of these self-willed folk are indeed called by God. But a lot of decisions are being made cognitively and carnally, and not Spiritually which can be contrary to the will and Word of God. For instance………the “no limits, take the limits off” mantra. I mean, I luuuuvs the song, “No Limits” by Israel and New Breed. One of my favorites. But there’s a thin line between having unlimited possibilities as the children of God and being limited to the will of God. A VERY thin line. It is my belief that somewhere between that line we get lost. And this is when satan steps in.
Put limits for the people around the mountain and tell them, 'Be careful that you do not go up the mountain or touch the foot of it. Whoever touches the mountain shall surely be put to death. –Exodus 19:13
From their callous hearts comes iniquity; the evil conceits of their minds know no limits. –Psalm 73:7
Ok, so after hearing the news about the pastor/first lady couple divorcing I perused their websites to see just how they were maintaining. I mean, to be honest, I’m real big on humility and telling your story first for more than enough reasons. But I’m baffled because this couple was a dynamic duo in which I know the Lord had a call on their lives. I remember seeing them together at another church they were visiting. And the pastor of that church called them both up to the altar and began praying and prophesying over them and it was so powerful. They both were crying as they held hands. And as soon as the pastor laid his hands on them they fell down to the floor together worshipping God. That to me is such a true example of humbling oneself before God. But seeing that was so powerful for me and I had admired them both since then. And now after several children and building a huge ministry together they have decided to call it quits. Because apparently dude had an adulterous affair. Wow. Ain’t like we didn’t see that one coming.
So I went to her website first because I wanted to see how she was holding up, more importantly if she was still ministering. And she is. But I was disappointed. Because she too had one of those “look-at-me-I’m-God’s-top-model-and-you-should-admire-me” websites like I notice several other women in ministry have. Probably the same web-designer--lol. Don’t know. Just know that it screamed “forget about Jesus I’m the one who you should focus on!!” When you log on there’s these bright, bold colors and an image of a jewelry box or crown or tiara or something. I guess it's supposed to represent royalty. But then there’s a flash of a photo shoot of her in several different outfits and poses. Another thought……wouldn’t it be wonderful to flash the Word instead of photos???? Just a thought.
Anyway, I was so distraught perusing the website that I just clicked off. I couldn’t look at it anymore. Cause I refuse to believe that after almost 20 years of marriage, several children, and a ministry with your husband you can all of a sudden look as though you’ve rebound into God’s “leading lady”. Nope. Ain’t buying that superwoman image. Now I ain’t saying that she shouldn’t heal or move on, but what I am saying is……sit your butt down and deal with your issues privately!!!! In the throne room!!! Cause somewhere, somehow satan seeped in and punked the both of you.
And so then I started thinking. You know, adultery on anybody’s part is really the end result of a whole bunch of other issues. And as much as I hate to admit it, I don’t think I can blame dude solely for creeping. Don’t get me wrong…..dude violated!!! But if his wife’s website is indicative of their marriage, then dude’s lack of self-control was the perfect companion for his wife’s self-promoting image. Destruction was bound to happen. And when boundaries are crossed all hell will break loose. Bottomline.
We, however, will not boast beyond proper limits, but will confine our boasting to the field God has assigned to us, a field that reaches even to you. We are not going too far in our boasting, as would be the case if we had not come to you, for we did get as far as you with the gospel of Christ. Neither do we go beyond our limits by boasting of work done by others. Our hope is that, as your faith continues to grow, our area of activity among you will greatly expand, so that we can preach the gospel in the regions beyond you. –2 Corinthians 10:13-16
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
One Sided Love
Umph. I can go a whole lotta ways with this one. Especially with all the stuff that’s happening in my world--lol. But I’ma take it a different road. The high road. So I proceed in the way it was given to me.
I was watching TBN the other night and the guest pastor stated that the problem with the church is that we focus too much on God’s love for us, but not enough on our love for God. Everybody wants mercy, grace, and forgiveness, but not too many want to be held accountable for their negativity. Believe it or not, the Bible speaks equally about both. The guest pastor went on to say that it is impossible to have God on the inside and keep making the same foolish mistakes, staying in the same position, and most importantly……..trying to pull the wool over the Lord’s eyes. Yes, God’s love for us is unconditional and uncountable. But He got His part down, therefore we need not keep trying to convince "Christians". The question is do we know our part?
Until we understand that Christianity is not about a handout, but a hand up (in worship) we will continue to walk in the wilderness.
“If you love Me, keep My commandments…….” --John 14:15
I was watching TBN the other night and the guest pastor stated that the problem with the church is that we focus too much on God’s love for us, but not enough on our love for God. Everybody wants mercy, grace, and forgiveness, but not too many want to be held accountable for their negativity. Believe it or not, the Bible speaks equally about both. The guest pastor went on to say that it is impossible to have God on the inside and keep making the same foolish mistakes, staying in the same position, and most importantly……..trying to pull the wool over the Lord’s eyes. Yes, God’s love for us is unconditional and uncountable. But He got His part down, therefore we need not keep trying to convince "Christians". The question is do we know our part?
Until we understand that Christianity is not about a handout, but a hand up (in worship) we will continue to walk in the wilderness.
“If you love Me, keep My commandments…….” --John 14:15
Sunday, June 21, 2009
A Broken Promise
No, no, no this is not a sad, sobby father’s day entry about my no good father who skipped out on me before I was barely conceived. No, ain’t got that kinda time. My final feelings on that is I refuse to bring a child in this world who does not have a father who is devotedly committed to not just him/her, but to their mommy as well. So I rest my case on the father’s day thing, but do give a shout out to my step-father for being a man after God’s own heart and with that…..everything else seems to fall in place. But today I got something else on my mind. And on my heart.
Over the last few days I’ve been studying the Book of Acts. For a few reasons. Mainly because I’m intrigued by Paul’s Christian journey. I’d like to believe that I’m more of a Peter, but as I learn more about Paul I’m beginning to realize that I have some of dude’s characteristics. Like when he chose Silas as his partner over Mark cause he boldly stated that he can’t be bothered with somebody who always wants to jump ship when times get tough. Yes, that’s something I’d say--lol. And would feel about another. Cause I’m one who is big on loyalty and commitment, and believes firmly that either you’re in or your out.
But there’s another story in Acts that always interests me. I read it often, and am baffled at how many preachers misuse the brief chapter. Its the story of Ananias and Sapphire. If you’re not familiar with it, in a nutshell its about a husband and wife who were amongst the first believers after Jesus had been resurrected and made His visit to the disciples. This couple was a part of the first “church” with the original disciples. And so they was at the helm of making some of the traditions that we see in today’s church.
Anyway, because there was poverty back then too, what the church members did was sold all of their possessions and brought the proceeds of the money to the church so that they could pool their money together and re-distribute to meet everyone’s needs. This was so that all church members could live a decent life not lacking for anything like food, clothing, and shelter. Well, after Ananias and Sapphire sold their stuff instead of giving the church the full proceeds they kept a portion of the proceeds for themselves. As a result, they were accused of LYING, not stealing from God, and so God struck both of them dead.
Ok, I know I’m about to ruffle some feathers here, but bear with me. Most preachers use this story as an addendum to the Old Testament’s law of tithes and offerings. Giving tithes and offerings was indeed an Old Testament practice in which once Christ came in the New Testament, He redeemed us from keeping the law. Because it was impossible for us to do so. That’s why Christ died on the cross.
Ok, now don’t misunderstand me because I firmly believe in paying my tithes and offerings just as much as I believe in keeping the ten commandments……do not commit adultery, do not murder, do not worship false gods, etc. That’s just me. (Cause I don't know about anybody else, but I can't get away with too much---lol. So I just try to follow whatever rules are out there. Seriously--lol). But I also firmly believe that those who commit adultery, steal, as well as not pay tithes (which is not a commandment) can be forgiven according to God’s grace. I mean, you may have to live with the consequences, but according to God’s grace you are forgiven if indeed you repent. And as far as paying tithes and offerings, because it is a natural law just as much as a Spiritual law, what you sow you will reap. That’s my experience. And my belief. And my practice.
But what has happened is because a LOT of churches are riding on this money and prosperity wave they rely heavily on the congregation to give tithes and offerings to sustain and maintain the church's lifestyle. And those lifestyles can range from the church's hefty mega building mortgage to the pastor's Maybach to supporting the church's businesses. It varies from pastor to pastor. But one of the ways of assuring that members regularly pay their tithes and offerings is to scare the daylights out of them with the Ananias and Sapphire story. For some reason they think it justifies the practice of one giving all their money to the church and if they don’t the Lord could strike them dead. Believe it or not, many are scared into giving because of this. Forget what the Bible says about cheerful giving……some folk give out of fear.
(Side eye). Ok, let me just tell you that the story of Ananias and Sapphire is not about the money as some preachers would have us to believe. The story was actually about a broken covenant. A broken promise. A lie. The story could have said that all the members were to bring jelly beans to the church to redistribute equally to everyone so that all church members wouldn’t lack……jelly beans. So it had nothing to do with what they brought to the church. In fact, if you want to get really technical about it, which I promise you that this entry is not about money--lol, the churches that stress their members bring all money to the church ain’t following on the other half of the scripture. They collect, but they don’t redistribute to the members. But I’m just saying………
Anyway, the story of Ananias and Sapphire is about their broken promise. The broke their promise by lying. See, perhaps they did not make a verbal promise to the church that they were going to bring all of their proceeds to the church, but we do know that they made a non-verbal promise because they did indeed sell all of their possessions and brought something to the church, but just not all. But the part of the story that is missed is the part that fascinates me. Here it is:
Then Peter said, “Ananias, how is it that Satan has so filled your heart that you have lied to the Holy Spirit and have kept for yourself some of the money you received for the land? Didn’t it belong to you before it was sold? And after it was sold, wasn’t the money at your disposal? What made you think of doing such a thing? You have not lied to men but to God.” --Acts 5:3-4
This is the part of the scripture that is rarely expressed. See, Ananias and Sapphire didn’t have to be a part of the commitment. It was their choice. There was nothing that said they had to sell any of their possession and give the proceeds to the church. But because they made the commitment to do so by selling all their possessions and giving a fraction to the church they went back on their promise to give all to the church.
The reason why I think God struck them dead was because He didn’t want His plan to be deviated again by another couple’s negative actions as did Adam and Eve. In the beginning of humanity Adam and Eve broke their promise to God by eating the fruit off the tree when the Lord told them not to do it. They too were deceived by a lie. But the fruit could have been a pear or a banana. What the fruit was is not the case. Just as the money is not the case. The point with both Ananias and Sapphire, and Adam and Eve is their disobedience and their lie. So I wholeheartedly believe that the Lord took Ananias and Sapphire out before they could corrupt a good thing that had just begun---Christianity and the church. I think the Lord was fed up with us at this point---lol. But you know what the funny thing is……its always a couple (man/wife) who falls for the okie doke messing it up for generations. Ok, so I say aaaaaaaaaalllllll of this to get to my point today. You know how I do--lol.
Last night me and my sister were having a really good conversation with two fellow church members about their transition to our church. They were telling us how our ministry is such a positive turn from where they‘ve come from. They were sharing some of the church drama they were a part of by default and how the Lord liberated them from the situation.
Their former pastor, a well-known prolific evangelist who was married to a very well-known tele-evangelist which ended in a very public divorce, has now apparently found his true queen and is making it very public. Again. Having this conversation amongst three single women (my sister is married) kinda hurt me. Cause if we were not rooted in the Lord we would be left to feel like all men, even church men, are no good with no good intentions.
See, their former pastor has a reputation of going from woman to woman to woman to woman. It is rumored that prior to finding his most recent “true queen,” yes this is after his messy divorce (and that’s the second divorce), he was “wife-ing” a young lady who had adjusted her life in preparation to becoming the new Mrs. But just before making the holy matrimony leap AGAIN, the young lady found out (via cyberspace) that dude had found his next victim. The newest Mrs.
Now, I gotta admit…….this is some interesting reality, soap-opera drama that when it comes across me…my ears perk up. Dude and his actions always give me a good “WHAT???? SHUT-UP????? YOU LYING!!!!” laugh. But the reality is that he’s one of many of our church leaders who regularly practice infidelity, adultery, lying, thievery, and any other immoral slick and sly sinful act. And I’m a little fed up about it. Cause our churches are built, and trying to sustain, on this crap.
Just a week or so ago I read a story on Essence.com of a pastor and son who were indicted on charges of stealing millions of dollars from their congregation. This is another example of a broken promise. A lie. See, what these folk fail to realize is that when they do stupid stuff like this it affects the ENTIRE body of Christ. It’s a trickle effect. With this money-laundering situation I can put my life on it that many folk will now not support the church financially because they’re afraid their money will go to the wrong hands. As a result, ministries suffer, many being shut down, and the Gospel does not get to the masses. It’s a trickle affect.
Aside from the money-hungry pastors, the ones that hurt my heart are the adulterous pastors. See, marriage is a direct covenant between husband, wife, and God. If a marriage suffers in the church we are doomed. Cause that bond is what balances the church. Its equivalent to a two-parent household. Yes, there are many children sustaining as a result of one parent, but there are silent affects that only comes out behind closed doors. For instance.........mama's boys. LOL. Bottomline........there's an unbalance.
Soooooooo…….
Saying all this, I make a plea to my single sistahs (and some married ones too), PLEASE do not entangle yourselves with drama-clad men. Take the rose-colored, blinders off!!! If they cannot keep a promise to their baby mamas, their first wives, and most importantly to GOD, then they will not be able to keep a promise to you. Cause in the end, just as Eve and Sapphire can attest, you will pay. And the price ain’t cheap. But I firmly believe that when the right man comes along…….you will know. If you’re truly seeking God, trust a sistah……you will know---lol.
For if those who live by law are heirs, faith has no value and the promise is worthless, because law brings wrath. And where there is no law there is no transgression. Therefore, the promise comes by faith, so that it may be by grace and may be guaranteed to all Abraham's offspring—not only to those who are of the law but also to those who are of the faith of Abraham. --Romans 4:14-16
Over the last few days I’ve been studying the Book of Acts. For a few reasons. Mainly because I’m intrigued by Paul’s Christian journey. I’d like to believe that I’m more of a Peter, but as I learn more about Paul I’m beginning to realize that I have some of dude’s characteristics. Like when he chose Silas as his partner over Mark cause he boldly stated that he can’t be bothered with somebody who always wants to jump ship when times get tough. Yes, that’s something I’d say--lol. And would feel about another. Cause I’m one who is big on loyalty and commitment, and believes firmly that either you’re in or your out.
But there’s another story in Acts that always interests me. I read it often, and am baffled at how many preachers misuse the brief chapter. Its the story of Ananias and Sapphire. If you’re not familiar with it, in a nutshell its about a husband and wife who were amongst the first believers after Jesus had been resurrected and made His visit to the disciples. This couple was a part of the first “church” with the original disciples. And so they was at the helm of making some of the traditions that we see in today’s church.
Anyway, because there was poverty back then too, what the church members did was sold all of their possessions and brought the proceeds of the money to the church so that they could pool their money together and re-distribute to meet everyone’s needs. This was so that all church members could live a decent life not lacking for anything like food, clothing, and shelter. Well, after Ananias and Sapphire sold their stuff instead of giving the church the full proceeds they kept a portion of the proceeds for themselves. As a result, they were accused of LYING, not stealing from God, and so God struck both of them dead.
Ok, I know I’m about to ruffle some feathers here, but bear with me. Most preachers use this story as an addendum to the Old Testament’s law of tithes and offerings. Giving tithes and offerings was indeed an Old Testament practice in which once Christ came in the New Testament, He redeemed us from keeping the law. Because it was impossible for us to do so. That’s why Christ died on the cross.
Ok, now don’t misunderstand me because I firmly believe in paying my tithes and offerings just as much as I believe in keeping the ten commandments……do not commit adultery, do not murder, do not worship false gods, etc. That’s just me. (Cause I don't know about anybody else, but I can't get away with too much---lol. So I just try to follow whatever rules are out there. Seriously--lol). But I also firmly believe that those who commit adultery, steal, as well as not pay tithes (which is not a commandment) can be forgiven according to God’s grace. I mean, you may have to live with the consequences, but according to God’s grace you are forgiven if indeed you repent. And as far as paying tithes and offerings, because it is a natural law just as much as a Spiritual law, what you sow you will reap. That’s my experience. And my belief. And my practice.
But what has happened is because a LOT of churches are riding on this money and prosperity wave they rely heavily on the congregation to give tithes and offerings to sustain and maintain the church's lifestyle. And those lifestyles can range from the church's hefty mega building mortgage to the pastor's Maybach to supporting the church's businesses. It varies from pastor to pastor. But one of the ways of assuring that members regularly pay their tithes and offerings is to scare the daylights out of them with the Ananias and Sapphire story. For some reason they think it justifies the practice of one giving all their money to the church and if they don’t the Lord could strike them dead. Believe it or not, many are scared into giving because of this. Forget what the Bible says about cheerful giving……some folk give out of fear.
(Side eye). Ok, let me just tell you that the story of Ananias and Sapphire is not about the money as some preachers would have us to believe. The story was actually about a broken covenant. A broken promise. A lie. The story could have said that all the members were to bring jelly beans to the church to redistribute equally to everyone so that all church members wouldn’t lack……jelly beans. So it had nothing to do with what they brought to the church. In fact, if you want to get really technical about it, which I promise you that this entry is not about money--lol, the churches that stress their members bring all money to the church ain’t following on the other half of the scripture. They collect, but they don’t redistribute to the members. But I’m just saying………
Anyway, the story of Ananias and Sapphire is about their broken promise. The broke their promise by lying. See, perhaps they did not make a verbal promise to the church that they were going to bring all of their proceeds to the church, but we do know that they made a non-verbal promise because they did indeed sell all of their possessions and brought something to the church, but just not all. But the part of the story that is missed is the part that fascinates me. Here it is:
Then Peter said, “Ananias, how is it that Satan has so filled your heart that you have lied to the Holy Spirit and have kept for yourself some of the money you received for the land? Didn’t it belong to you before it was sold? And after it was sold, wasn’t the money at your disposal? What made you think of doing such a thing? You have not lied to men but to God.” --Acts 5:3-4
This is the part of the scripture that is rarely expressed. See, Ananias and Sapphire didn’t have to be a part of the commitment. It was their choice. There was nothing that said they had to sell any of their possession and give the proceeds to the church. But because they made the commitment to do so by selling all their possessions and giving a fraction to the church they went back on their promise to give all to the church.
The reason why I think God struck them dead was because He didn’t want His plan to be deviated again by another couple’s negative actions as did Adam and Eve. In the beginning of humanity Adam and Eve broke their promise to God by eating the fruit off the tree when the Lord told them not to do it. They too were deceived by a lie. But the fruit could have been a pear or a banana. What the fruit was is not the case. Just as the money is not the case. The point with both Ananias and Sapphire, and Adam and Eve is their disobedience and their lie. So I wholeheartedly believe that the Lord took Ananias and Sapphire out before they could corrupt a good thing that had just begun---Christianity and the church. I think the Lord was fed up with us at this point---lol. But you know what the funny thing is……its always a couple (man/wife) who falls for the okie doke messing it up for generations. Ok, so I say aaaaaaaaaalllllll of this to get to my point today. You know how I do--lol.
Last night me and my sister were having a really good conversation with two fellow church members about their transition to our church. They were telling us how our ministry is such a positive turn from where they‘ve come from. They were sharing some of the church drama they were a part of by default and how the Lord liberated them from the situation.
Their former pastor, a well-known prolific evangelist who was married to a very well-known tele-evangelist which ended in a very public divorce, has now apparently found his true queen and is making it very public. Again. Having this conversation amongst three single women (my sister is married) kinda hurt me. Cause if we were not rooted in the Lord we would be left to feel like all men, even church men, are no good with no good intentions.
See, their former pastor has a reputation of going from woman to woman to woman to woman. It is rumored that prior to finding his most recent “true queen,” yes this is after his messy divorce (and that’s the second divorce), he was “wife-ing” a young lady who had adjusted her life in preparation to becoming the new Mrs. But just before making the holy matrimony leap AGAIN, the young lady found out (via cyberspace) that dude had found his next victim. The newest Mrs.
Now, I gotta admit…….this is some interesting reality, soap-opera drama that when it comes across me…my ears perk up. Dude and his actions always give me a good “WHAT???? SHUT-UP????? YOU LYING!!!!” laugh. But the reality is that he’s one of many of our church leaders who regularly practice infidelity, adultery, lying, thievery, and any other immoral slick and sly sinful act. And I’m a little fed up about it. Cause our churches are built, and trying to sustain, on this crap.
Just a week or so ago I read a story on Essence.com of a pastor and son who were indicted on charges of stealing millions of dollars from their congregation. This is another example of a broken promise. A lie. See, what these folk fail to realize is that when they do stupid stuff like this it affects the ENTIRE body of Christ. It’s a trickle effect. With this money-laundering situation I can put my life on it that many folk will now not support the church financially because they’re afraid their money will go to the wrong hands. As a result, ministries suffer, many being shut down, and the Gospel does not get to the masses. It’s a trickle affect.
Aside from the money-hungry pastors, the ones that hurt my heart are the adulterous pastors. See, marriage is a direct covenant between husband, wife, and God. If a marriage suffers in the church we are doomed. Cause that bond is what balances the church. Its equivalent to a two-parent household. Yes, there are many children sustaining as a result of one parent, but there are silent affects that only comes out behind closed doors. For instance.........mama's boys. LOL. Bottomline........there's an unbalance.
Soooooooo…….
Saying all this, I make a plea to my single sistahs (and some married ones too), PLEASE do not entangle yourselves with drama-clad men. Take the rose-colored, blinders off!!! If they cannot keep a promise to their baby mamas, their first wives, and most importantly to GOD, then they will not be able to keep a promise to you. Cause in the end, just as Eve and Sapphire can attest, you will pay. And the price ain’t cheap. But I firmly believe that when the right man comes along…….you will know. If you’re truly seeking God, trust a sistah……you will know---lol.
For if those who live by law are heirs, faith has no value and the promise is worthless, because law brings wrath. And where there is no law there is no transgression. Therefore, the promise comes by faith, so that it may be by grace and may be guaranteed to all Abraham's offspring—not only to those who are of the law but also to those who are of the faith of Abraham. --Romans 4:14-16
Thursday, June 18, 2009
I've Noticed......
I’ve noticed two things about myself this morning. Actually, I been knew them but just this morning, and this week, they shouted out at me. I love this saying that I heard about a year or so ago……. a natural pattern will show in detail what the Spiritual reality consists of. So of course when my inner me screamed at my outer me I knew that it was serious---lol. If I haven’t mentioned, my church is on a two-week fast and so when I’m fasting I get all types of strange revelations. And sometimes I’m like, HUUUUH? Lol. It’s something about when the Lord puts me in my place. I so love the Lord. Really, I do.
Ok, so the first thing that I’ve noticed about myself is that I save my good stuff for no good darn reason. This morning as I was getting dressed, I was wearing black, I noticed that lint was on my slacks. And so I was in the laundry room standing there contemplating what I should do. My initial reaction was to change my outfit. I spotted my favorite new product sitting on the shelf above the washer/dryer, practically new. It’s the Bounce Lint and Freshener Roller. I ain’t promoting this product, especially if Bounce ain’t trying to pay me, but I absolutely luuuuuv this lint roller.
Anyway, so the lint roller was clearly in my view, but for some odd reason it was on “reserve”. After a few minutes I realized that I didn’t have enough time to change clothes, so I ran to the linen closet to get my magic brush. I hate using the brush because it puts lint back on your clothes if you happen to brush in the wrong direction. So I stood there for a moment or two and then decided to run in the den to get scotch tape.
When I realized it was taking me entirely too much time to get the lint off my slacks with the scotch tape, I ran back in the laundry room to see if I had enough layers on the Bounce roller to use. Ok, there is a legitimate reason why I didn’t want to use it. See, I like to use the roller when I’m traveling. And so since I’m traveling next week I wanted to save any layers for then. However, the roll was nearly new. I purchased it when I was in Connecticut a few months back and probably only used two layers. Seriously, this entire paragraph was arguing out in my mind this morning—lol.
Then a light bulb went off in my world.
Ok, something in me screamed…… “so what if it’s the last darn sheet, USE IT!!!!!” It almost startled me. And then I felt stupid. Because…..because it ain’t that serious---lol. But the truth of the matter is that the Bounce roller is one of many things I save for no good reason. For instance, I have different deodorants that I wear on the weekdays than on weekends. Only because I like to reserve the scents for certain days. It doesn’t matter if I run out of the weekend deodorant and need to use the weekday one. I won’t. Cause I need to save the Dove Energizing deodorant for the weekdays. Cause it lifts me up. Especially on a dreary Monday morning. And so if I run out of the weekend deodorant I will use baking soda until I can get to the store. Seriously.
And my bed sheets, which everyone knows I’m very fickle about. I use the best ones on the weekends because I can sleep on them longer. The “casual sheets,” which aren’t lower than a 440-count, I use on weekdays because I don’t usually wash my hair until the weekend and so I don’t want my oily hair to touch my good sheets. I know they can be washed. But so what. And if that’s not enough…..I use certain color sheets according to my mood or season. I have some nice brown sheets, as well as a navy blue set, that I only use in the winter/fall. And so on many occasions I use up all the clean sheets before I can get a chance to wash. And if that happens, I will not use the sheets that are reserved for special times. I will not. I know it’s crazy. Pray for me—lol. I’m the same with purses and shoes.
When I tell you I got stupid issues….you gotta believe me--lol. OH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And the car freshener, the little trees, oh I take that to another level. I’ve only found one place that sells my favorite scent, lilac. And so I usually purchase several to keep in my glove compartment. But if there’s only one left, I will save that one until I’m getting in the car to go to church because that’s the longest distance I usually travel before getting out. And I don’t want to waste the freshest part of the scent if I’m not in the car. Yes, I got issues--lol.
So the Lord dealt with me this morning. Even up to writing this entry. Basically, I’ve taken my blessings for granted. The Lord has blessed me abundantly and what I do is hold on to those things probably in fear of not being blessed again. I’d like to think that it’s only me taking care of my blessings, but the bottom line is that they’re just THINGS!! Things that can be replaced. If I run out……SO WHAT!!! Most things I hold on to are under $2!
But the Lord dealt with me this morning because though minor, it’s a bigger issue in the grand scheme of my life. Anybody who knows me knows that I’m a keep-moving, go-getter type of person. But there are some things, perhaps thoughts and ideas or accomplishments or dreams or gifts and talents that I keep on reserve. Things that are reserved because…..I don’t know why. Maybe fear of going to the next level. Or perhaps fear of uncertainty. Or maybe I’m waiting for the “grand reveal” to make my debut. I don’t know. But I do know that there are some things that I must take off the shelf, remove from the glove compartment, and take out of the linen closest and put to use.
Then there’s this other thing that I’ve noticed this week. It’s that I quit, or want to quit, whatever right at the last stretch. I remember two years ago I went on a 30-day fast and at the 27th day I ate. I had only three more days left and I just stopped. And even when I’m working out. I could set the timer to walk on the treadmill for one hour. I lie not, when it gets down to the last ten minutes I, on more than enough occasions, hit the stop button.
I talked about me being a quitter a lot last year in this blog. The Lord has really brought me a long way with the quitting thing because it was nothing for me to walk away from friendships, a church, or even my family. But over the last few years the Lord has really developed patience and understanding in me and so I’m learning how to live out the full life-cycle in the things and people placed in my life.
But this quitting at the last hour thing is a little different. The other day I was at work and at about 2:30p I couldn’t take it anymore so I got up and walked out. I had already been there working since 9:00a, so well over half my day was gone. But I got weary and said the heck with it. The next day when I got to work my colleague told me that a former colleague who’d moved out of the country had did a surprise drop-in about an hour after I left. Now don’t get me wrong……I’m an accomplishment-atic. So I do press a lot to see the fruits of my labor. But every now and again a situation will come up where I just don’t feel like completing and so I just quit.
The Lord has been actually dealing with me about this issue for a while. But just this week I received the revelation that on those times that I decide to quit are the times when the breakthrough was about to occur. See, I’m in the gym at least 3-4 times a week. And on the day that I decide to hit the stop button on the treadmill is the day that some weight was suppose to drop. Or a muscle to be strengthened. Something. But I worked long enough to NOT see the full manifestation.
So I was thinking about all of the things in the natural that I can see and gauge by like the clock or calendar. But what about when I’m laboring and cannot see the finish line. I think about all of those times when I threw in the towel because I couldn’t see the end result, the finish line. ***Give me a moment. I’m seriously sitting here thinking about this thing****.
One night I dreamed a dream. I was walking along the beach with my Lord. Across the dark sky flashed scenes from my life. For each scene, I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand, one belonging to me and one to my Lord.
When the last scene of my life shot before me I looked back at the footprints in the sand. There was only one set of footprints. I realized that this was at the lowest and saddest times of my life. This always bothered me and I questioned the Lord about my dilemma.
"Lord, You told me when I decided to follow You, You would walk and talk with me all the way. But I'm aware that during the most troublesome times of my life there is only one set of footprints. I just don't understand why, when I need You most, You leave me."
He whispered, "My precious child, I love you and will never leave you, never, ever, during your trials and testings. When you saw only one set of footprints, It was then that I carried you." --Footprints
Ok, so the first thing that I’ve noticed about myself is that I save my good stuff for no good darn reason. This morning as I was getting dressed, I was wearing black, I noticed that lint was on my slacks. And so I was in the laundry room standing there contemplating what I should do. My initial reaction was to change my outfit. I spotted my favorite new product sitting on the shelf above the washer/dryer, practically new. It’s the Bounce Lint and Freshener Roller. I ain’t promoting this product, especially if Bounce ain’t trying to pay me, but I absolutely luuuuuv this lint roller.
Anyway, so the lint roller was clearly in my view, but for some odd reason it was on “reserve”. After a few minutes I realized that I didn’t have enough time to change clothes, so I ran to the linen closet to get my magic brush. I hate using the brush because it puts lint back on your clothes if you happen to brush in the wrong direction. So I stood there for a moment or two and then decided to run in the den to get scotch tape.
When I realized it was taking me entirely too much time to get the lint off my slacks with the scotch tape, I ran back in the laundry room to see if I had enough layers on the Bounce roller to use. Ok, there is a legitimate reason why I didn’t want to use it. See, I like to use the roller when I’m traveling. And so since I’m traveling next week I wanted to save any layers for then. However, the roll was nearly new. I purchased it when I was in Connecticut a few months back and probably only used two layers. Seriously, this entire paragraph was arguing out in my mind this morning—lol.
Then a light bulb went off in my world.
Ok, something in me screamed…… “so what if it’s the last darn sheet, USE IT!!!!!” It almost startled me. And then I felt stupid. Because…..because it ain’t that serious---lol. But the truth of the matter is that the Bounce roller is one of many things I save for no good reason. For instance, I have different deodorants that I wear on the weekdays than on weekends. Only because I like to reserve the scents for certain days. It doesn’t matter if I run out of the weekend deodorant and need to use the weekday one. I won’t. Cause I need to save the Dove Energizing deodorant for the weekdays. Cause it lifts me up. Especially on a dreary Monday morning. And so if I run out of the weekend deodorant I will use baking soda until I can get to the store. Seriously.
And my bed sheets, which everyone knows I’m very fickle about. I use the best ones on the weekends because I can sleep on them longer. The “casual sheets,” which aren’t lower than a 440-count, I use on weekdays because I don’t usually wash my hair until the weekend and so I don’t want my oily hair to touch my good sheets. I know they can be washed. But so what. And if that’s not enough…..I use certain color sheets according to my mood or season. I have some nice brown sheets, as well as a navy blue set, that I only use in the winter/fall. And so on many occasions I use up all the clean sheets before I can get a chance to wash. And if that happens, I will not use the sheets that are reserved for special times. I will not. I know it’s crazy. Pray for me—lol. I’m the same with purses and shoes.
When I tell you I got stupid issues….you gotta believe me--lol. OH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And the car freshener, the little trees, oh I take that to another level. I’ve only found one place that sells my favorite scent, lilac. And so I usually purchase several to keep in my glove compartment. But if there’s only one left, I will save that one until I’m getting in the car to go to church because that’s the longest distance I usually travel before getting out. And I don’t want to waste the freshest part of the scent if I’m not in the car. Yes, I got issues--lol.
So the Lord dealt with me this morning. Even up to writing this entry. Basically, I’ve taken my blessings for granted. The Lord has blessed me abundantly and what I do is hold on to those things probably in fear of not being blessed again. I’d like to think that it’s only me taking care of my blessings, but the bottom line is that they’re just THINGS!! Things that can be replaced. If I run out……SO WHAT!!! Most things I hold on to are under $2!
But the Lord dealt with me this morning because though minor, it’s a bigger issue in the grand scheme of my life. Anybody who knows me knows that I’m a keep-moving, go-getter type of person. But there are some things, perhaps thoughts and ideas or accomplishments or dreams or gifts and talents that I keep on reserve. Things that are reserved because…..I don’t know why. Maybe fear of going to the next level. Or perhaps fear of uncertainty. Or maybe I’m waiting for the “grand reveal” to make my debut. I don’t know. But I do know that there are some things that I must take off the shelf, remove from the glove compartment, and take out of the linen closest and put to use.
Then there’s this other thing that I’ve noticed this week. It’s that I quit, or want to quit, whatever right at the last stretch. I remember two years ago I went on a 30-day fast and at the 27th day I ate. I had only three more days left and I just stopped. And even when I’m working out. I could set the timer to walk on the treadmill for one hour. I lie not, when it gets down to the last ten minutes I, on more than enough occasions, hit the stop button.
I talked about me being a quitter a lot last year in this blog. The Lord has really brought me a long way with the quitting thing because it was nothing for me to walk away from friendships, a church, or even my family. But over the last few years the Lord has really developed patience and understanding in me and so I’m learning how to live out the full life-cycle in the things and people placed in my life.
But this quitting at the last hour thing is a little different. The other day I was at work and at about 2:30p I couldn’t take it anymore so I got up and walked out. I had already been there working since 9:00a, so well over half my day was gone. But I got weary and said the heck with it. The next day when I got to work my colleague told me that a former colleague who’d moved out of the country had did a surprise drop-in about an hour after I left. Now don’t get me wrong……I’m an accomplishment-atic. So I do press a lot to see the fruits of my labor. But every now and again a situation will come up where I just don’t feel like completing and so I just quit.
The Lord has been actually dealing with me about this issue for a while. But just this week I received the revelation that on those times that I decide to quit are the times when the breakthrough was about to occur. See, I’m in the gym at least 3-4 times a week. And on the day that I decide to hit the stop button on the treadmill is the day that some weight was suppose to drop. Or a muscle to be strengthened. Something. But I worked long enough to NOT see the full manifestation.
So I was thinking about all of the things in the natural that I can see and gauge by like the clock or calendar. But what about when I’m laboring and cannot see the finish line. I think about all of those times when I threw in the towel because I couldn’t see the end result, the finish line. ***Give me a moment. I’m seriously sitting here thinking about this thing****.
One night I dreamed a dream. I was walking along the beach with my Lord. Across the dark sky flashed scenes from my life. For each scene, I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand, one belonging to me and one to my Lord.
When the last scene of my life shot before me I looked back at the footprints in the sand. There was only one set of footprints. I realized that this was at the lowest and saddest times of my life. This always bothered me and I questioned the Lord about my dilemma.
"Lord, You told me when I decided to follow You, You would walk and talk with me all the way. But I'm aware that during the most troublesome times of my life there is only one set of footprints. I just don't understand why, when I need You most, You leave me."
He whispered, "My precious child, I love you and will never leave you, never, ever, during your trials and testings. When you saw only one set of footprints, It was then that I carried you." --Footprints
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Intellectual Faith
Intellectual faith. Umph. Can the two really co-exist? I struggled with this thought for several years. I’ve always been one to support intelligence, especially in the church. In fact, an intellect is the #2 on my Must Have Qualities in a Husband list--lol. I thrive off of folk who challenges my mind. I’m a thinker by nature and so it is only natural for me to approach every situation with careful thought and reason. But if we’re living in Christ do we need to be intellectual? Or should I say….apply our intellect to our faith? About a year or so ago I got the answer.
This morning I got up early to take my car in to be serviced. And since I was about an hour earlier than normal getting dressed, I stumbled across a Christian program that I wasn’t familiar with. Basically, the program had to do with leaning on one’s own understanding. And so what the facilitator did was ask a series of questions in which the participants were instructed to answer using their own logic. But when the facilitator gave the correct answers most of the participants were shocked because “leaning on their own quick logic” gave them incorrect responses. It was questions as simple as……. “How many of each animal did Moses take on the Ark?” The facilitator’s point was that because our minds are naturally programmed to think and focus in a certain way making decisions solely on our own mental ability could adversely affect our lives.
Ironically, over the last few months I’ve been seeing a quite a few ministries that are leaning towards teaching intellectual faith. I’d like to think that churches that are incorporating this into their congregations are just merely promoting increased knowledge, but those pastors who are deep thinkers…..well they know what they're doing. I’ve known of several church pastors and leaders who study and apply methods from philosophers such as Edgar Cayce and Josia Royce and Sigmund Freud and many others. But many are developing their own individual philosophies based on their personal thoughts and beliefs.
Just a few weeks ago, I stumbled across a prominent pastor’s blog and what he’s doing is spreading the message to his congregation that they must approach the Word of God intellectually. I’m not sure he got the full understanding of what intellectual faith is, but since its all a trick of the mind its not surprising that it would be confusing to anybody. Ok, let me go back a step or two to explain that intellectual faith is based on evidence. It’s exercising Christianity and Christian beliefs based on evidence.
Ok, so I was reading the pastor’s blog and apparently he has started a movement on preventing HIV/AIDS by supporting and embracing individual sexual practices. Yes, you heard me right. Men and women. Men and men. Women and women. Men and teens. And probably humans and animals. All sexual practices. Cause there’s no limit to sexual immorality---lol. Basically, his argument is that God made each and every one of us sexual beings and so because “God knew that He made us sexual, He obviously knew that there would be countless sexual practices resulting in HIV/AIDS.” HIV/AIDS is most commonly a sexually-transmitted disease according to countless studies. Not even I would argue that. But what the pastor is saying is that understanding the reality of the outcomes of various sexual acts, the church needs to create and support activities that promote “safe” sexual practices.
Basically, he said that the church should approach the world where they are and not where we think they should be. In exact terms he said…… “we shouldn’t try to pull people up to God, but pull God down to the people according to what’s happening in our society.” LOL. Ok, I’m not going to drive off of my subject because it’s so easy to fall into the content of this paragraph---lol---but what the pastor is advocating is a result of the scripture that says:
Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. –Romans 12:2
Ok, this pastor’s philosophy on sexual immorality is not my point today. Really, its not—lol. That’s a whole another entry—lol. The point is that what he’s doing is activating his faith based on evidence. I know, I know…..he’s real off. But he is a pastor that stands firm on pushing his congregation intellectually. It’s all over his blog. And he’s not the only one practicing Christianity in this way. This morning I stumbled across a blog that gave an example on intellectual faith. This is what the Christian writer said:
I intellectually believe, by a preponderance of the evidence, that God exists, that the Bible is true, and that Jesus is his Son... How does this affect me? What is faith, as far as it concerns me?
I love the metaphor of a chair... Find the chair closest to you. Look at it closely. Examine its design. Is it structurally sound? Is it sufficiently engineered? Will the materials chosen by the manufacturer support your weight? Most likely, you picked a chair that you believe will support you. That's belief. You applied logic, knowledge and experience to make an informed intellectual decision. Now some will say that if you sat in the chair then that’s faith. That’s intellectual faith.
Oh REALLY???? But suppose I was given a chair that was raggedy and broken down and clearly didn’t look like it could hold MY weight. Would I sit in it?????? Nobody in their right mind would risk sitting in a chair that looked as if it were about to break. But taking the risk is what Christianity is all about. It’s trusting and believing God’s divine authority even when it doesn’t make human sense. That’s what true faith is. I guess the difference is, according to the guy’s example, is that my Christian walk is not based on my choices, but God’s choosing for me. Therefore, I cannot rely on my reasoning, but only on the Holy Spirit to make sound choices for me. Even if it means accepting from the Lord what looks like a raggedy chair. If the Lord says that it would hold me…….then I believe that it would hold me. Not because I saw it hold someone else, but because……..I trust God.
Last year the Lord gave me a revelation that some things have no mental revelation. That some things are only understood by God’s divine purpose and order. And that some things, ok all things, we have to just trust that God got our back even when we don’t understand why and how. That’s faith. Reasoning and logic will cancel faith in God out. Because one cannot practice Theology and Philosophy together.
I guess to sum this up…..it is absolutely impossible to have intellectual faith and faith in God. Because it would clearly be a tuggle between the mind and the Spirit.
Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. For by it the elders obtained a good testimony. By faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God, so that the things which are seen were not made of things which are visible. –Hebrews 11:1-3
This morning I got up early to take my car in to be serviced. And since I was about an hour earlier than normal getting dressed, I stumbled across a Christian program that I wasn’t familiar with. Basically, the program had to do with leaning on one’s own understanding. And so what the facilitator did was ask a series of questions in which the participants were instructed to answer using their own logic. But when the facilitator gave the correct answers most of the participants were shocked because “leaning on their own quick logic” gave them incorrect responses. It was questions as simple as……. “How many of each animal did Moses take on the Ark?” The facilitator’s point was that because our minds are naturally programmed to think and focus in a certain way making decisions solely on our own mental ability could adversely affect our lives.
Ironically, over the last few months I’ve been seeing a quite a few ministries that are leaning towards teaching intellectual faith. I’d like to think that churches that are incorporating this into their congregations are just merely promoting increased knowledge, but those pastors who are deep thinkers…..well they know what they're doing. I’ve known of several church pastors and leaders who study and apply methods from philosophers such as Edgar Cayce and Josia Royce and Sigmund Freud and many others. But many are developing their own individual philosophies based on their personal thoughts and beliefs.
Just a few weeks ago, I stumbled across a prominent pastor’s blog and what he’s doing is spreading the message to his congregation that they must approach the Word of God intellectually. I’m not sure he got the full understanding of what intellectual faith is, but since its all a trick of the mind its not surprising that it would be confusing to anybody. Ok, let me go back a step or two to explain that intellectual faith is based on evidence. It’s exercising Christianity and Christian beliefs based on evidence.
Ok, so I was reading the pastor’s blog and apparently he has started a movement on preventing HIV/AIDS by supporting and embracing individual sexual practices. Yes, you heard me right. Men and women. Men and men. Women and women. Men and teens. And probably humans and animals. All sexual practices. Cause there’s no limit to sexual immorality---lol. Basically, his argument is that God made each and every one of us sexual beings and so because “God knew that He made us sexual, He obviously knew that there would be countless sexual practices resulting in HIV/AIDS.” HIV/AIDS is most commonly a sexually-transmitted disease according to countless studies. Not even I would argue that. But what the pastor is saying is that understanding the reality of the outcomes of various sexual acts, the church needs to create and support activities that promote “safe” sexual practices.
Basically, he said that the church should approach the world where they are and not where we think they should be. In exact terms he said…… “we shouldn’t try to pull people up to God, but pull God down to the people according to what’s happening in our society.” LOL. Ok, I’m not going to drive off of my subject because it’s so easy to fall into the content of this paragraph---lol---but what the pastor is advocating is a result of the scripture that says:
Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. –Romans 12:2
Ok, this pastor’s philosophy on sexual immorality is not my point today. Really, its not—lol. That’s a whole another entry—lol. The point is that what he’s doing is activating his faith based on evidence. I know, I know…..he’s real off. But he is a pastor that stands firm on pushing his congregation intellectually. It’s all over his blog. And he’s not the only one practicing Christianity in this way. This morning I stumbled across a blog that gave an example on intellectual faith. This is what the Christian writer said:
I intellectually believe, by a preponderance of the evidence, that God exists, that the Bible is true, and that Jesus is his Son... How does this affect me? What is faith, as far as it concerns me?
I love the metaphor of a chair... Find the chair closest to you. Look at it closely. Examine its design. Is it structurally sound? Is it sufficiently engineered? Will the materials chosen by the manufacturer support your weight? Most likely, you picked a chair that you believe will support you. That's belief. You applied logic, knowledge and experience to make an informed intellectual decision. Now some will say that if you sat in the chair then that’s faith. That’s intellectual faith.
Oh REALLY???? But suppose I was given a chair that was raggedy and broken down and clearly didn’t look like it could hold MY weight. Would I sit in it?????? Nobody in their right mind would risk sitting in a chair that looked as if it were about to break. But taking the risk is what Christianity is all about. It’s trusting and believing God’s divine authority even when it doesn’t make human sense. That’s what true faith is. I guess the difference is, according to the guy’s example, is that my Christian walk is not based on my choices, but God’s choosing for me. Therefore, I cannot rely on my reasoning, but only on the Holy Spirit to make sound choices for me. Even if it means accepting from the Lord what looks like a raggedy chair. If the Lord says that it would hold me…….then I believe that it would hold me. Not because I saw it hold someone else, but because……..I trust God.
Last year the Lord gave me a revelation that some things have no mental revelation. That some things are only understood by God’s divine purpose and order. And that some things, ok all things, we have to just trust that God got our back even when we don’t understand why and how. That’s faith. Reasoning and logic will cancel faith in God out. Because one cannot practice Theology and Philosophy together.
I guess to sum this up…..it is absolutely impossible to have intellectual faith and faith in God. Because it would clearly be a tuggle between the mind and the Spirit.
Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. For by it the elders obtained a good testimony. By faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God, so that the things which are seen were not made of things which are visible. –Hebrews 11:1-3
Monday, June 15, 2009
Symbols of Salvation
Wow…..what a great Monday!!! Anything but the Monday blues. Surprisingly, I’m good today. I know it has something to do with the church’s fast--lol. Anywho…..T.D. Jakes gave a piece of this list in his sermon yesterday, but I thought I’d extend it. Enjoy
1. Praise and worship leader
2. Goose bumps, shivers, and quickenings
3. A scripture reciter (I don’t think reciter is a word—lol)
4. Tears of joy for others
5. A faith taker that expects the impossible
6. Voted for Sarah Palin (shhhhhh!)
7. Head drips of anointing oil
8. A dance and shout around the pews—every Sunday
9. A well marked up bible
10. Loyal to the ministry (Mon, Tue, Wed, Thur, Fri, Sat, and twice on Sunday)
11. The future pastor and the first lady of a mega church
12. A debt-free tither who gives regularly to charity
13. Crying and laying on the altar
14. Witnessing on the metro
15. Author of a book on the Holy Spirit
16. A prayer warrior with a special prayer room
17. Toured Jerusalem, and baptized in the Jordan
18. Television permanently stuck on TBN (don’t touch that dial!)
19. Survived a horrible break-up!! (a miracle)
20. Forgave the girl who caused the break-up
21. Witnessed to the girl and became prayer partners
22. Fasted for 40 days and 40 nights
23. A big ole’ cross around the neck (my favorite)
24. A scripture tattooed on the arm
25. A free-spirit and a kind heart
26. Celibate, or even a virgin in the prime of your life
Sounds like me, huh? Yeah right!!! Cause yal know that any girl who causes my man to break-up with me will get the beat down--LOL. Pray for me. The Lord is still working on a sistah—lol. No really I think I’m good in that area. Haven’t experienced that in a good 15 years. And now looking back, I want to kiss the girl. Don’t think she’d become my prayer partner, but I’d thank her profusely if I saw her today. BTW......I saw him a year or two ago. They got married. Yeah, I probably need to pray for her--lol.
Anyway……..these are signs and symbols that God may be (and I said MAY BE) with you. But experiencing any or all of these doesn’t mean that God is in you.
1. Praise and worship leader
2. Goose bumps, shivers, and quickenings
3. A scripture reciter (I don’t think reciter is a word—lol)
4. Tears of joy for others
5. A faith taker that expects the impossible
6. Voted for Sarah Palin (shhhhhh!)
7. Head drips of anointing oil
8. A dance and shout around the pews—every Sunday
9. A well marked up bible
10. Loyal to the ministry (Mon, Tue, Wed, Thur, Fri, Sat, and twice on Sunday)
11. The future pastor and the first lady of a mega church
12. A debt-free tither who gives regularly to charity
13. Crying and laying on the altar
14. Witnessing on the metro
15. Author of a book on the Holy Spirit
16. A prayer warrior with a special prayer room
17. Toured Jerusalem, and baptized in the Jordan
18. Television permanently stuck on TBN (don’t touch that dial!)
19. Survived a horrible break-up!! (a miracle)
20. Forgave the girl who caused the break-up
21. Witnessed to the girl and became prayer partners
22. Fasted for 40 days and 40 nights
23. A big ole’ cross around the neck (my favorite)
24. A scripture tattooed on the arm
25. A free-spirit and a kind heart
26. Celibate, or even a virgin in the prime of your life
Sounds like me, huh? Yeah right!!! Cause yal know that any girl who causes my man to break-up with me will get the beat down--LOL. Pray for me. The Lord is still working on a sistah—lol. No really I think I’m good in that area. Haven’t experienced that in a good 15 years. And now looking back, I want to kiss the girl. Don’t think she’d become my prayer partner, but I’d thank her profusely if I saw her today. BTW......I saw him a year or two ago. They got married. Yeah, I probably need to pray for her--lol.
Anyway……..these are signs and symbols that God may be (and I said MAY BE) with you. But experiencing any or all of these doesn’t mean that God is in you.
Friday, June 12, 2009
Going Public
Do folk really know the responsibility of “going public”?????? For several years I maintained a career in public relations, even majoring in it in undergrad. I still have friends and colleagues who call me asking for advice on some aspect of the field—whether its publicity or image development or cause-related marketing or whatever. And usually my advice yields favorable results. And even though I am in a totally different industry now, my position requires skills in relating to the public. So I’d like to think that I know a little sumthin, sumthin about the craft--lol.
Being a public figure has its pros and cons. If your purpose or passion calls for going public you have to really be ready to take on its challenges. I mean, to go public means opening yourself up to public opinion as well as being “controlled” by the public---especially if you’re solely depending on the public to support your product or cause. But if you promote the right public image the result is usually fortune and fame. This pro is the mission for most public figures. But again, for every pro there is a con.
I remember a couple of years ago when Coretta Scott King died there was a rumored quarrel amongst the family of whether or not to make their mom’s funeral opened to the public. Of course everybody and their momma had an opinion---including yours truly-lol. I remember having an exchange of words with a colleague. Apparently this ordeal had brought back memories of her father whom she had buried a few years prior. So her argument was that Coretta was first and foremost a mother who had a family and that her funeral should be a private matter. My colleague went on to say that Coretta’s children had the right to make the funeral private and that their decision should be respected.
Ok, I wasn’t trying to be disrespectful or nothing, but uhhh Coretta was a public figure who lived a public life. That was her legacy and purpose on this earth. And so umm I strongly felt that her funeral should have been opened to the public. Me and my colleague went back and forth with our difference of opinions up until it was announced that Coretta’s body would lie in state publicly at Ebenezer Baptist Church. And if that wasn’t enough it was decided that her funeral would be televised to the public from New Birth Church in Atlanta. I applauded cause apparently somebody got schooled.
The King’s public relations decision about the funeral stuck with me. It was confirmation on so many levels for me. The main being that we all have a purpose. And when we are provided avenues to give a message while fulfilling purpose on this earth then we have to be in tuned enough to know the opportunity. See, Bernice King eulogized her mom and tore the house down. I’d like to think that she felt that perhaps the funeral would be the last time she’d have her mother and father’s massive audience together. And so she maximized the moment by doing what she does best…….preaching God’s word. I know millions viewed the funeral. We were even allowed to watch on our computers from our offices. And I’m sure that out of those millions of viewers somebody came to know Christ. I’m getting chills thinking about it. The Kings have been in this thing long enough to know how to work it. And so that’s why Martin Luther King and Coretta Scott King go down as probably the greatest public figures of our time. And then the Obamas—lol.
So saying all that (deep breath-lol)…….I got something on my mind today. Ok, I’m a little disappointed. Actually, I’ve been all week. See, I read an article in Essence magazine’s July issue (Queen Latifah on the cover) of a Chicago pastor named Rev. Patrick D. Shaffer of City of Faith Christian Church who is apparently looking for a mate. In the Relationships section, the article is actually entitled, “Praying for Love.” Ain’t nothing wrong with that. Dude is divorced and I guess he feels that he’s tired of being single. I can relate.
But he made a quote that sent me off. After giving his spiel about a few dates he’d gone on and the reaction of those women once they found out his “occupation” he said, and I quote………… “The last thing I want to do when I’m getting to know a lady is talk about Jesus.” I’m getting offended again just by typing this. I mean really, did dude say the LAST thing???? Ok, I’m gonna give him the benefit of the doubt and say that he was just overusing jargon. But being witty or not……when you put Jesus in a quote it becomes quite serious. At least for me. Am I the only one who fears God???????
Anyway, I was hoping that I had read wrong, but I knew I didn’t. So then I read the paragraph with the quote again. Still disappointed. Somehow I managed to get through the rest of the article. I wanted to go to bed, but decided to make a comment about it on Facebook. And then I talked to my girlfriend about it. She knows me well and so she said, “I know you’re gonna write the editor!” LOLOL. Naww. I mean, I don’t have to do that now since I blog. This is where I’d rather vent—lol. But I told her that I’m sure tails will be wagging throughout the media.
Ok, so that was Monday--I believe. So last night I was getting ready to go to bed and decided to finish the magazine. I just wanted to go back and read the other articles I had skimmed over. But then I came back to dude’s article. I was in a good mood, just had some really good conversation with a new friend and so I was like…..what the heck read it again Jill. Lie not, as soon as I read the first line………when I first meet a woman, I don’t divulge details about what I do for a living, my eyes glanced over and I saw in a pull-out quote what he said about not wanting to talk about Jesus. I mean, I didn’t see this bolded pull-out quote before. I had only read it in the bottom paragraph. So after seeing it I got pissed. Cause now it seemed like Essence was making a mockery of it by displaying it boldly to lure readers. But I continued reading hoping I would discover that I was making more of it than it really was.
After reading the entire article again, I’m like……is dude serious. I was even more disturbed then I was on Monday. Dude had the nerve to say that when he meets a woman he doesn’t tell her that he’s a pastor. He tells her that he is in the nonprofit sector and work with families. I mean, is that deceit or just a plain ole lie. He then goes on to say that it’s because he’s not looking for a first lady. But an independent, accomplished woman. Actually, he said that he wants a "Michelle to my Barack". Whatever the heck that means. If he’s trying to say what I think he’s trying to say……..he obviously doesn’t know the Obamas. See, they’re married and committed to their purpose. And are not ashamed about it.
Dude then went on to say that being a pastor (wait---let me just reveal that he is also the founder of the church) is just his “occupation” and that there are many other dimensions to him beyond his faith like listening to Biggie, and Dr. Dre’s--The Chronic. Wowwwww, how well-rounded and impressive. I know, I know I’m being bad--lol. But seriously, this goes back to an entry I did a few weeks ago about having balance. Again, why do folk think that God (including God’s calling on their lives) is separate from their whole being. I mean, when the Lord resides in you, He is the whole sum. Your purpose becomes your life. I mean, when Obama went to Five Guys to buy a burger for lunch the other day…...he was still the president!!! And was treated and respected....... as the president!!!
Your calling is not something you can turn on and off. Just last week when Barack took Michelle to New York on a date that was very publicized and scrutinized Barack said that unfortunately it comes with the package. He said that it would be his choice to have a private date on commercial transportation with his wife, but he said that unfortunately they don’t have that choice. But one thing is for sure and two things for certain……when the Obamas was in that theater having private time they were still the President and First Lady. And if something was to jump off in the country, their time would have been cut short. And it would take a good, solid woman who too knows her calling as a first lady to deal with such a responsibility in being her husband’s help meet. That’s what you really call wanting a "Michelle to my Barack".
When I finished the article I didn’t know whether to holler or cry. I mean, this generation is so freaking twisted and it’s so darn sad. I mean, I wanted to shout…..YOU FOOL! after reading the part when dude said his ideal woman has her own goals and career, and that he doesn’t want her to be centered around “his career”. But I thought about when [my friend] told me to keep my mouth off the man of God--lol. So I digressed. (Deep breath) But c'mon. Is dude serious. Haven’t we learned with the divorce rate being 50% even amongst church folk that being separate in the Body-of-Christ ain’t working. When are we really gonna learn how to come together as one. I mean, dude’s “career” ain’t a 9 to 5 gig. In fact, it’s a 7-day week with countless overtime. You tell me what woman in her right God-given mind is gonna be so far removed in her own career while her husband is feeding the flock. Give me a break.
Ok, did I mention that dude is the PASTOR AND FOUNDER of the church? Ok, so how could he not want a wife that is called to the same mission and purpose?????? When you’re a pastor, whether you refer to your wife as the first lady or not SHE TOO HAS RESPONSIBILITY AS YOUR HELP MEET. And dude…..being a first lady ain’t a part-time gig!! Ask Michelle Obama. And any other first ladies out there. But I’m sad and disappointed because this scenario ain’t uncommon. There are many pastors out there marrying for selfish reasons. And going as far as broadcasting their desires in a secular manner. It’s quite sad.
You know what makes me shed a tear or two…..this dude got an opportunity that few pastors, including famous pastors, get. A feature article in one of the best publications out. Dude had every opportunity to spread the Gospel. And it could have been done in a number of ways without sounding churchy or preachy. Don’t know who was responsible for landing this opportunity for him, but if I was his publicist the article would have spun something like……. “I'm trusting God to create the perfect wife on loan from heaven for a lifetime just for me. Someone who’s not just my first lady, but my lover, my wife, my friend.” Instead dude sold out with a whole bunch of nonsense just to preserve and promote his "down-to-earth, down-with-the-unsaved-too" image. And his book. Umph.
Oh, just so you know……dude’s book, “Loving Again” is due out this fall. As always, feel free to email me about it, but really I ain’t interested in what it says.
For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? --Mark 8:36
Being a public figure has its pros and cons. If your purpose or passion calls for going public you have to really be ready to take on its challenges. I mean, to go public means opening yourself up to public opinion as well as being “controlled” by the public---especially if you’re solely depending on the public to support your product or cause. But if you promote the right public image the result is usually fortune and fame. This pro is the mission for most public figures. But again, for every pro there is a con.
I remember a couple of years ago when Coretta Scott King died there was a rumored quarrel amongst the family of whether or not to make their mom’s funeral opened to the public. Of course everybody and their momma had an opinion---including yours truly-lol. I remember having an exchange of words with a colleague. Apparently this ordeal had brought back memories of her father whom she had buried a few years prior. So her argument was that Coretta was first and foremost a mother who had a family and that her funeral should be a private matter. My colleague went on to say that Coretta’s children had the right to make the funeral private and that their decision should be respected.
Ok, I wasn’t trying to be disrespectful or nothing, but uhhh Coretta was a public figure who lived a public life. That was her legacy and purpose on this earth. And so umm I strongly felt that her funeral should have been opened to the public. Me and my colleague went back and forth with our difference of opinions up until it was announced that Coretta’s body would lie in state publicly at Ebenezer Baptist Church. And if that wasn’t enough it was decided that her funeral would be televised to the public from New Birth Church in Atlanta. I applauded cause apparently somebody got schooled.
The King’s public relations decision about the funeral stuck with me. It was confirmation on so many levels for me. The main being that we all have a purpose. And when we are provided avenues to give a message while fulfilling purpose on this earth then we have to be in tuned enough to know the opportunity. See, Bernice King eulogized her mom and tore the house down. I’d like to think that she felt that perhaps the funeral would be the last time she’d have her mother and father’s massive audience together. And so she maximized the moment by doing what she does best…….preaching God’s word. I know millions viewed the funeral. We were even allowed to watch on our computers from our offices. And I’m sure that out of those millions of viewers somebody came to know Christ. I’m getting chills thinking about it. The Kings have been in this thing long enough to know how to work it. And so that’s why Martin Luther King and Coretta Scott King go down as probably the greatest public figures of our time. And then the Obamas—lol.
So saying all that (deep breath-lol)…….I got something on my mind today. Ok, I’m a little disappointed. Actually, I’ve been all week. See, I read an article in Essence magazine’s July issue (Queen Latifah on the cover) of a Chicago pastor named Rev. Patrick D. Shaffer of City of Faith Christian Church who is apparently looking for a mate. In the Relationships section, the article is actually entitled, “Praying for Love.” Ain’t nothing wrong with that. Dude is divorced and I guess he feels that he’s tired of being single. I can relate.
But he made a quote that sent me off. After giving his spiel about a few dates he’d gone on and the reaction of those women once they found out his “occupation” he said, and I quote………… “The last thing I want to do when I’m getting to know a lady is talk about Jesus.” I’m getting offended again just by typing this. I mean really, did dude say the LAST thing???? Ok, I’m gonna give him the benefit of the doubt and say that he was just overusing jargon. But being witty or not……when you put Jesus in a quote it becomes quite serious. At least for me. Am I the only one who fears God???????
Anyway, I was hoping that I had read wrong, but I knew I didn’t. So then I read the paragraph with the quote again. Still disappointed. Somehow I managed to get through the rest of the article. I wanted to go to bed, but decided to make a comment about it on Facebook. And then I talked to my girlfriend about it. She knows me well and so she said, “I know you’re gonna write the editor!” LOLOL. Naww. I mean, I don’t have to do that now since I blog. This is where I’d rather vent—lol. But I told her that I’m sure tails will be wagging throughout the media.
Ok, so that was Monday--I believe. So last night I was getting ready to go to bed and decided to finish the magazine. I just wanted to go back and read the other articles I had skimmed over. But then I came back to dude’s article. I was in a good mood, just had some really good conversation with a new friend and so I was like…..what the heck read it again Jill. Lie not, as soon as I read the first line………when I first meet a woman, I don’t divulge details about what I do for a living, my eyes glanced over and I saw in a pull-out quote what he said about not wanting to talk about Jesus. I mean, I didn’t see this bolded pull-out quote before. I had only read it in the bottom paragraph. So after seeing it I got pissed. Cause now it seemed like Essence was making a mockery of it by displaying it boldly to lure readers. But I continued reading hoping I would discover that I was making more of it than it really was.
After reading the entire article again, I’m like……is dude serious. I was even more disturbed then I was on Monday. Dude had the nerve to say that when he meets a woman he doesn’t tell her that he’s a pastor. He tells her that he is in the nonprofit sector and work with families. I mean, is that deceit or just a plain ole lie. He then goes on to say that it’s because he’s not looking for a first lady. But an independent, accomplished woman. Actually, he said that he wants a "Michelle to my Barack". Whatever the heck that means. If he’s trying to say what I think he’s trying to say……..he obviously doesn’t know the Obamas. See, they’re married and committed to their purpose. And are not ashamed about it.
Dude then went on to say that being a pastor (wait---let me just reveal that he is also the founder of the church) is just his “occupation” and that there are many other dimensions to him beyond his faith like listening to Biggie, and Dr. Dre’s--The Chronic. Wowwwww, how well-rounded and impressive. I know, I know I’m being bad--lol. But seriously, this goes back to an entry I did a few weeks ago about having balance. Again, why do folk think that God (including God’s calling on their lives) is separate from their whole being. I mean, when the Lord resides in you, He is the whole sum. Your purpose becomes your life. I mean, when Obama went to Five Guys to buy a burger for lunch the other day…...he was still the president!!! And was treated and respected....... as the president!!!
Your calling is not something you can turn on and off. Just last week when Barack took Michelle to New York on a date that was very publicized and scrutinized Barack said that unfortunately it comes with the package. He said that it would be his choice to have a private date on commercial transportation with his wife, but he said that unfortunately they don’t have that choice. But one thing is for sure and two things for certain……when the Obamas was in that theater having private time they were still the President and First Lady. And if something was to jump off in the country, their time would have been cut short. And it would take a good, solid woman who too knows her calling as a first lady to deal with such a responsibility in being her husband’s help meet. That’s what you really call wanting a "Michelle to my Barack".
When I finished the article I didn’t know whether to holler or cry. I mean, this generation is so freaking twisted and it’s so darn sad. I mean, I wanted to shout…..YOU FOOL! after reading the part when dude said his ideal woman has her own goals and career, and that he doesn’t want her to be centered around “his career”. But I thought about when [my friend] told me to keep my mouth off the man of God--lol. So I digressed. (Deep breath) But c'mon. Is dude serious. Haven’t we learned with the divorce rate being 50% even amongst church folk that being separate in the Body-of-Christ ain’t working. When are we really gonna learn how to come together as one. I mean, dude’s “career” ain’t a 9 to 5 gig. In fact, it’s a 7-day week with countless overtime. You tell me what woman in her right God-given mind is gonna be so far removed in her own career while her husband is feeding the flock. Give me a break.
Ok, did I mention that dude is the PASTOR AND FOUNDER of the church? Ok, so how could he not want a wife that is called to the same mission and purpose?????? When you’re a pastor, whether you refer to your wife as the first lady or not SHE TOO HAS RESPONSIBILITY AS YOUR HELP MEET. And dude…..being a first lady ain’t a part-time gig!! Ask Michelle Obama. And any other first ladies out there. But I’m sad and disappointed because this scenario ain’t uncommon. There are many pastors out there marrying for selfish reasons. And going as far as broadcasting their desires in a secular manner. It’s quite sad.
You know what makes me shed a tear or two…..this dude got an opportunity that few pastors, including famous pastors, get. A feature article in one of the best publications out. Dude had every opportunity to spread the Gospel. And it could have been done in a number of ways without sounding churchy or preachy. Don’t know who was responsible for landing this opportunity for him, but if I was his publicist the article would have spun something like……. “I'm trusting God to create the perfect wife on loan from heaven for a lifetime just for me. Someone who’s not just my first lady, but my lover, my wife, my friend.” Instead dude sold out with a whole bunch of nonsense just to preserve and promote his "down-to-earth, down-with-the-unsaved-too" image. And his book. Umph.
Oh, just so you know……dude’s book, “Loving Again” is due out this fall. As always, feel free to email me about it, but really I ain’t interested in what it says.
For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? --Mark 8:36
Monday, June 8, 2009
At the Crossroads
Wow. My pastor was on point. At the beginning of the year I sat down with him to chat and he looked at me without interruption and said…… “Jill, this year the path will become so clear to you.” Of course I accepted what he said, not just out of authority, but because I had already believed it in my heart. Things I wanted answers to, I just knew God would reveal to me in due time. However, I didn’t know it would be necessarily this year.
Like clockwork, since my pastor gave me that prophecy, stuff just started making sense to me. Spiritual sense that is. Stuff just started clicking. From my daily walk, to my purpose, to folk in my life, to surrounding people, to so many things. You know what’s really scary……about a good seven of my blog entries this year I’ve heard pastors and tele-evangelist preach immediately after I’d written them. That’s nothing short of the Holy Spirit. That’s God. And its freaking me out—lol.
So I got another revelation. Ok, maybe not a revelation to the seasoned Christians--lol, but I just got it. And when I gain understanding its like fresh news and so I’m spreading it. So bear with me---lol.
Ok, so over the last week or so, I have heard so many people insinuate the same thing that God controls all people on this earth and that if you acknowledge Him then its all good. Maybe not this verbatim, but their talk insinuates this. I’ve spoken about this in previous entries. It’s the same ole, same ole belief. People assuming that just because they “acknowledge” the Lord they have an all access pass to His favor and blessings. I’m not even gonna say access to heaven cause let’s be real……..do folk (church folk included) even believe that there is a heaven or a hell?????
Anyway…..so last week I was having a conversation with a male acquaintance, a buddy of a buddy, and he said to me……. “Jill I am so at a crossroads. I know that whatever decision I make God got my back.” I listened. And not to tell his business but the decision had to do with women. It’s the same old saga. The “good to me” girl versus the “good for me” girl saga. Basically, dude wants the full blessings of God in choosing the right woman, but he ain’t trying to commit wholeheartedly to God. On top of that…..he’s dogging both of them. You how that goes. So I listened. Then of course gave my opinion cause you know that’s what I do best----lol. And then I went on. Can’t waste too much time on unfruitful folk.
Since that conversation, and before, there has been the same cockiness from some folk that God-controls-all-humans-and-I-can-do-me-cause-God-made-me-me-and-he-knows-me-and-accepts-my-crap. Um…..NOT. This is such a big misconception. God does not control all, God KNOWS all, and can DO all, but He does not control all. He gave this world up to satan. And therefore He leaves that choice up to us. Ok, let me clear this up one more again--lol.
In this life, we are gonna come to crossroads. And at that crossroad it is our choice, in which the Lord gave us, to choose one of four roads, or paths. The consequences, in which the Bible speaks about is one of two results……life or death. The tricky part is that only one road leads to life---eternal life---while the other three leads to death.
Ok, here they are. In no particular order.
Choice #1 – The Yellow Brick Road
I’m opting to speak about this road first only because it is the most common. Ok, so envision you are at a crossroads and you’re looking in front of you. The choice is to either go to the right road or the left road. The yellow brick road is the left road. This is the road that is the most deceptive. In fact, I firmly believe that when you choose this road you have to bite the apple upon entering--lol. And you know the leader of this road makes that apple look reeeeal good.
This is the road that all the “good” folk choose. The movers and shakers, the ones who start the big foundations and give the big checks to the needy. This is the road that a lot who claim to be Christians are on. I call it the yellow brick road……..to emerald city. Cause it’s all hype. But when you get to the end you find out that oz is a fake. But this road is flashy. Perhaps folk on this road houses are displayed on MTV Cribs. Or maybe they are given reality shows that tell the story of their “blessed life”. This road of folk is driven off of the “American Dream”. It seems the way of life, but if you really open your eyes you can see what its really about. It’s a front.
The yellow brick road reminds me of Las Vegas. I’d traveled there back in the early nineties and was quite shock cause it wasn’t exactly what I thought. To be honest, I don’t even know what I was expecting, but whatever it was…..it wasn’t. The Vegas strip is nice and bright, but make the wrong turn and you are in the hood. The hood in the desert. Complete dryness—lol.
I believe the only good thing about the yellow brick road is that you do come to frequent crossroads. Or should I say, at least the crossroads in which you will see the hand of God and how He works. I’d like to believe these are signs of Him trying to get our attention to choose the right road. This is where the misconceptions come in. Cause folk grab a piece of success and think they have the fullness of God; His blessings and divine protection and assurance, but unfortunately they don’t. Cause they’re blind and don’t know no better. And so they keep choosing the left---the yellow brick road.
There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to destruction. –Psalm 14:12
Choice #2 – The Road to Nowhere
Lol. This is a silent choice. Nobody talks about this road, yet so many folk are stuck on it. In fact, is it really a road??? This is the point where you’re at the crossroads and you don’t move. You don’t go to the right or the left. You’re just stuck on stop. You watch everybody else, gossip and talk about everybody else, and complain about why you can’t proceed with your life like everybody else. Actually, some may call it “standing still”. But actually they’re comfortable being spectators.
This position I believe is where a lot of church folk are. They want the best of both worlds so much so that it cancels out life. They don’t move. The sad part is that they know EXACTLY what road to choose, but they don’t. Ain’t a whole lot to this……this point is just filled with purposeless folk just being spectators and existing. Totally disobedient to God.
I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of Egypt so that you would no longer be slaves to the Egyptians; I broke the bars of your yoke and enabled you to walk with heads held high.
" 'But if you will not listen to me and carry out all these commands, and if you reject my decrees and abhor my laws and fail to carry out all my commands and so violate my covenant, then I will do this to you: I will bring upon you sudden terror, wasting diseases and fever that will destroy your sight and drain away your life. You will plant seed in vain, because your enemies will eat it. I will set my face against you so that you will be defeated by your enemies; those who hate you will rule over you, and you will flee even when no one is pursuing you.
" 'If after all this you will not listen to me, I will punish you for your sins seven times over. I will break down your stubborn pride and make the sky above you like iron and the ground beneath you like bronze. Your strength will be spent in vain, because your soil will not yield its crops, nor will the trees of the land yield their fruit. --Leviticus 26:13-20
Choice #3 – The Road of Darkness
This is the spooky road. The road to darkness. This is the road in which we think all “demons and devils” choose. But I firmly believe that a lot of folk are traveling down this road and their spookiness is undercover---lol. Folk we see and converse with on a day-to-day.
If you’re standing at the crossroads and supposed to be making a choice to go left or right, the folks on this road don’t choose either, nor do they stand still. These folk walk backward. Back into darkness. Perhaps atheist or those who know the truth but have opted to serve their own flesh or cognitive beliefs. They’re all mentally and spiritually screwed up.
Furthermore, since they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, he gave them over to a depraved mind, to do what ought not to be done. –Romans 1:28
These folk on this road have outwardly rejected the knowledge and trueness of God and will try their best to prove their way. You may see these folk down on the Washington Mall marching for their cause---lol. They’re funny and they try to be intimidating. But they’re not. Especially when the other folk know with confidence that Jesus Christ has all power. But you know what the real funny thing is……folk who have chosen the yellow brick road, and those who have chosen the road to nowhere will too “pray” for these folk. Cause compared to these folk everybody else is saints.
Choice #4 – The Road to Eternal Life
Then there is the road to eternal life. Forget what you heard…..but this is the ONLY road that does not lead to hell. Bottomline. In fact, this is the road in which the Lord reveals that He indeed gives us choice. And when we think choosing the right road is a difficult decision…..He then gives us the answer!!! How cool is that!!!
I call heaven and earth as witnesses today against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore choose life, that both you and your descendants may live…. –Deuteronomy 30:19
If you are standing at the crossroads looking straight ahead, the road to eternal life sits to your right. At least that’s how I envision it. This road ain’t flashy, and may not be inviting. But if you stare at it long enough you’ll start to feel peace. Deep down we know this is the road to choose….cause we just know. Cause His Word says so. But we’ve heard so many “boring” stories about it and boring ain’t what we need in this stage of our lives--lol.
Ok, can I be honest today? Thanks---lol. Although Christ paid the ultimate price, this road will cost you something. Nobody wants to talk about the suffering and patience you have to endure on this road, but yes it will cost you something. I think that’s why most Christians choose the yellow brick road. Cause we think we're doing the right thing. But we can’t fool God. Either we commit or we don’t. Either we believe……..or we don’t. It’s that simple. But it will cost something. Just about e
Like clockwork, since my pastor gave me that prophecy, stuff just started making sense to me. Spiritual sense that is. Stuff just started clicking. From my daily walk, to my purpose, to folk in my life, to surrounding people, to so many things. You know what’s really scary……about a good seven of my blog entries this year I’ve heard pastors and tele-evangelist preach immediately after I’d written them. That’s nothing short of the Holy Spirit. That’s God. And its freaking me out—lol.
So I got another revelation. Ok, maybe not a revelation to the seasoned Christians--lol, but I just got it. And when I gain understanding its like fresh news and so I’m spreading it. So bear with me---lol.
Ok, so over the last week or so, I have heard so many people insinuate the same thing that God controls all people on this earth and that if you acknowledge Him then its all good. Maybe not this verbatim, but their talk insinuates this. I’ve spoken about this in previous entries. It’s the same ole, same ole belief. People assuming that just because they “acknowledge” the Lord they have an all access pass to His favor and blessings. I’m not even gonna say access to heaven cause let’s be real……..do folk (church folk included) even believe that there is a heaven or a hell?????
Anyway…..so last week I was having a conversation with a male acquaintance, a buddy of a buddy, and he said to me……. “Jill I am so at a crossroads. I know that whatever decision I make God got my back.” I listened. And not to tell his business but the decision had to do with women. It’s the same old saga. The “good to me” girl versus the “good for me” girl saga. Basically, dude wants the full blessings of God in choosing the right woman, but he ain’t trying to commit wholeheartedly to God. On top of that…..he’s dogging both of them. You how that goes. So I listened. Then of course gave my opinion cause you know that’s what I do best----lol. And then I went on. Can’t waste too much time on unfruitful folk.
Since that conversation, and before, there has been the same cockiness from some folk that God-controls-all-humans-and-I-can-do-me-cause-God-made-me-me-and-he-knows-me-and-accepts-my-crap. Um…..NOT. This is such a big misconception. God does not control all, God KNOWS all, and can DO all, but He does not control all. He gave this world up to satan. And therefore He leaves that choice up to us. Ok, let me clear this up one more again--lol.
In this life, we are gonna come to crossroads. And at that crossroad it is our choice, in which the Lord gave us, to choose one of four roads, or paths. The consequences, in which the Bible speaks about is one of two results……life or death. The tricky part is that only one road leads to life---eternal life---while the other three leads to death.
Ok, here they are. In no particular order.
Choice #1 – The Yellow Brick Road
I’m opting to speak about this road first only because it is the most common. Ok, so envision you are at a crossroads and you’re looking in front of you. The choice is to either go to the right road or the left road. The yellow brick road is the left road. This is the road that is the most deceptive. In fact, I firmly believe that when you choose this road you have to bite the apple upon entering--lol. And you know the leader of this road makes that apple look reeeeal good.
This is the road that all the “good” folk choose. The movers and shakers, the ones who start the big foundations and give the big checks to the needy. This is the road that a lot who claim to be Christians are on. I call it the yellow brick road……..to emerald city. Cause it’s all hype. But when you get to the end you find out that oz is a fake. But this road is flashy. Perhaps folk on this road houses are displayed on MTV Cribs. Or maybe they are given reality shows that tell the story of their “blessed life”. This road of folk is driven off of the “American Dream”. It seems the way of life, but if you really open your eyes you can see what its really about. It’s a front.
The yellow brick road reminds me of Las Vegas. I’d traveled there back in the early nineties and was quite shock cause it wasn’t exactly what I thought. To be honest, I don’t even know what I was expecting, but whatever it was…..it wasn’t. The Vegas strip is nice and bright, but make the wrong turn and you are in the hood. The hood in the desert. Complete dryness—lol.
I believe the only good thing about the yellow brick road is that you do come to frequent crossroads. Or should I say, at least the crossroads in which you will see the hand of God and how He works. I’d like to believe these are signs of Him trying to get our attention to choose the right road. This is where the misconceptions come in. Cause folk grab a piece of success and think they have the fullness of God; His blessings and divine protection and assurance, but unfortunately they don’t. Cause they’re blind and don’t know no better. And so they keep choosing the left---the yellow brick road.
There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to destruction. –Psalm 14:12
Choice #2 – The Road to Nowhere
Lol. This is a silent choice. Nobody talks about this road, yet so many folk are stuck on it. In fact, is it really a road??? This is the point where you’re at the crossroads and you don’t move. You don’t go to the right or the left. You’re just stuck on stop. You watch everybody else, gossip and talk about everybody else, and complain about why you can’t proceed with your life like everybody else. Actually, some may call it “standing still”. But actually they’re comfortable being spectators.
This position I believe is where a lot of church folk are. They want the best of both worlds so much so that it cancels out life. They don’t move. The sad part is that they know EXACTLY what road to choose, but they don’t. Ain’t a whole lot to this……this point is just filled with purposeless folk just being spectators and existing. Totally disobedient to God.
I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of Egypt so that you would no longer be slaves to the Egyptians; I broke the bars of your yoke and enabled you to walk with heads held high.
" 'But if you will not listen to me and carry out all these commands, and if you reject my decrees and abhor my laws and fail to carry out all my commands and so violate my covenant, then I will do this to you: I will bring upon you sudden terror, wasting diseases and fever that will destroy your sight and drain away your life. You will plant seed in vain, because your enemies will eat it. I will set my face against you so that you will be defeated by your enemies; those who hate you will rule over you, and you will flee even when no one is pursuing you.
" 'If after all this you will not listen to me, I will punish you for your sins seven times over. I will break down your stubborn pride and make the sky above you like iron and the ground beneath you like bronze. Your strength will be spent in vain, because your soil will not yield its crops, nor will the trees of the land yield their fruit. --Leviticus 26:13-20
Choice #3 – The Road of Darkness
This is the spooky road. The road to darkness. This is the road in which we think all “demons and devils” choose. But I firmly believe that a lot of folk are traveling down this road and their spookiness is undercover---lol. Folk we see and converse with on a day-to-day.
If you’re standing at the crossroads and supposed to be making a choice to go left or right, the folks on this road don’t choose either, nor do they stand still. These folk walk backward. Back into darkness. Perhaps atheist or those who know the truth but have opted to serve their own flesh or cognitive beliefs. They’re all mentally and spiritually screwed up.
Furthermore, since they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, he gave them over to a depraved mind, to do what ought not to be done. –Romans 1:28
These folk on this road have outwardly rejected the knowledge and trueness of God and will try their best to prove their way. You may see these folk down on the Washington Mall marching for their cause---lol. They’re funny and they try to be intimidating. But they’re not. Especially when the other folk know with confidence that Jesus Christ has all power. But you know what the real funny thing is……folk who have chosen the yellow brick road, and those who have chosen the road to nowhere will too “pray” for these folk. Cause compared to these folk everybody else is saints.
Choice #4 – The Road to Eternal Life
Then there is the road to eternal life. Forget what you heard…..but this is the ONLY road that does not lead to hell. Bottomline. In fact, this is the road in which the Lord reveals that He indeed gives us choice. And when we think choosing the right road is a difficult decision…..He then gives us the answer!!! How cool is that!!!
I call heaven and earth as witnesses today against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore choose life, that both you and your descendants may live…. –Deuteronomy 30:19
If you are standing at the crossroads looking straight ahead, the road to eternal life sits to your right. At least that’s how I envision it. This road ain’t flashy, and may not be inviting. But if you stare at it long enough you’ll start to feel peace. Deep down we know this is the road to choose….cause we just know. Cause His Word says so. But we’ve heard so many “boring” stories about it and boring ain’t what we need in this stage of our lives--lol.
Ok, can I be honest today? Thanks---lol. Although Christ paid the ultimate price, this road will cost you something. Nobody wants to talk about the suffering and patience you have to endure on this road, but yes it will cost you something. I think that’s why most Christians choose the yellow brick road. Cause we think we're doing the right thing. But we can’t fool God. Either we commit or we don’t. Either we believe……..or we don’t. It’s that simple. But it will cost something. Just about e