Ok, so it's Friday and I am a little exhausted. I had a busy week with our conference and am proud to say that my grantees seemed to be pleased with our meetings. In fact, all of our grantees seemed to be pleased with the overall 3-day event. So I'm happy.
But I'm a workaholic to say the least. I mean I put EVERYTHING into what I'm doing. May not always feel like it, but I make it happen. It's always been this way for me. Give me a task and I'm going to dissect it to its minute detail and then rebuild it on a sturdier foundation. I mean, I work my projects.
I'd started my career in public relations prior to transitioning into the Federal government. And so when working in such a savvy career it calls for work, work, work. I mean, I had to juggle event planning, dealing with the media, trying to sell a service (or concept or product or person) to corporate sponsors, managing conflict and putting out fires, boosting egos, and the whole enchilada---all on a DAILY. Sometimes I wouldn't get home until midnight. And then there was the time when I'd call myself working from home and work for nearly 48 hours straight. I mean, I was constantly pounding the pavement. And then there's real estate.......awww real estate. So I'm told, I put the "C" and the "S" in Client Satisfaction. I think that's why most of my business (ok all, cause i haven't spent advertising dollars in years) is by referral. I go the EXTRA mile for my clients cause that's what they deserve. I mean, they're making the largest purchases of their lives---need I say more.
So I'm on the metro yesterday morning listening to Jonathan Nelson's song, My Name is Victory. And I'm jamming. Cause I feel it. And then it gets to the part of the song that says....Raise Your Praise. Hmmmm....... I started thinking. I can push myself to the next level in the gym, on the job, in my purchases, in my relationships, but when it comes to praising the Lord have I really gone to the next level in praising him? I had to think. I mean its nothing for me to put on my iPod and praise, but its more to praising than with music.
Then the thoughts didn't stop there. What about worshipping. I mean, I have to be honest. Tuesday nights are my time with the Lord. But I had to really stop and think. What if I told my husband that we can only be intimate on Tuesday nights??? I mean, he would have a right to have his wife on a flexible schedule, right???? Or should I say, WITHOUT A SCHEDULE.
So it came to me as plain as anything else the Lord tells me......."Jill, its time to work your worship and raise your praise." I mean, the Lord is right. If I can spend countless hours in the workplace working projects and time in the gym being pushed to the next level by the girls then I can certainly increase my time with the Lord!! Umph!!
Friday, May 30, 2008
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Time to EXIT!
Decisions, decisions. I don’t know about you, but I just can’t make a decision without consulting the Lord. I mean, especially when it’s a major decision that could change your daily and have a great impact on your livelihood, loved ones, or more importantly…..your relationship with the Lord. Yes, I do realize that the Lord gives us the power to choose, but I'm a firm believer that the closer we are to Him the more we will hear His voice on what choices to make. Basically, allowing Him to choose for us.
This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live..... --Deuteronomy 30:19
So I’ve been praying and praying about whether to leave my real estate company. I think it was more of a “when” than a “should I”. I mean, I can’t say things were “bad” there cause my relationship with management is great. When I started at the firm back in 2006 I knew I had found the best kept secret, and I knew that the Lord had put me at the right place…..for a reason (or maybe just a season). I think I was the 10th realtor to join the newly established, savvy firm. I went in and interviewed. They wanted me, and I wanted them. Over the course of the last two years I can proudly say that I sold a couple million dollars in homes at the firm. I was able to pay off a lot of bills, and be afforded a few luxuries. But as the real estate market shifted sales took a drastic drop. But the drop in sales wasn’t what put a damper on my passion for real estate. Something happened. Something happened that didn’t sit well in my spirit.
Was it a pattern…….yes.
Did I see it coming…..um yes.
Did I participate……..no.
Did I take a stand…….not like I should have.
Did it affect me.........YES!!
So I’ve been praying for direction for the last seven months or so. I mean, I’m not one to bail out on a situation because there are "problems". But this situation violated my morals and beliefs, and so I knew the Lord was about to transition me.
The Lord’s timing amazes me. Just when I think He’s coming one way, He comes another. Ok, so just as I’m scoping out this new real estate company, I get almost more-than-I-can-handle client referrals. And just when I’m about to submit a mega offer on a property under my old company, the “new company” presents me an offer I can’t refuse. Ok Lord.....so how do I exit with so much going on????? I’m trying to juggle clients, an office transfer, a conference, my brother’s wedding, and trying to plan a much-needed get away all in the same week!!! And just when I think I need to pull my hair out the Lord brings peace. Peace that surpasses all understanding. I mean, the transition......PERFECT!!!
Wow!!! Umph, when God says “MOVE”, the only thing we can do is be positioned, obedient, and start moving forward by faith.
This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live..... --Deuteronomy 30:19
So I’ve been praying and praying about whether to leave my real estate company. I think it was more of a “when” than a “should I”. I mean, I can’t say things were “bad” there cause my relationship with management is great. When I started at the firm back in 2006 I knew I had found the best kept secret, and I knew that the Lord had put me at the right place…..for a reason (or maybe just a season). I think I was the 10th realtor to join the newly established, savvy firm. I went in and interviewed. They wanted me, and I wanted them. Over the course of the last two years I can proudly say that I sold a couple million dollars in homes at the firm. I was able to pay off a lot of bills, and be afforded a few luxuries. But as the real estate market shifted sales took a drastic drop. But the drop in sales wasn’t what put a damper on my passion for real estate. Something happened. Something happened that didn’t sit well in my spirit.
Was it a pattern…….yes.
Did I see it coming…..um yes.
Did I participate……..no.
Did I take a stand…….not like I should have.
Did it affect me.........YES!!
So I’ve been praying for direction for the last seven months or so. I mean, I’m not one to bail out on a situation because there are "problems". But this situation violated my morals and beliefs, and so I knew the Lord was about to transition me.
The Lord’s timing amazes me. Just when I think He’s coming one way, He comes another. Ok, so just as I’m scoping out this new real estate company, I get almost more-than-I-can-handle client referrals. And just when I’m about to submit a mega offer on a property under my old company, the “new company” presents me an offer I can’t refuse. Ok Lord.....so how do I exit with so much going on????? I’m trying to juggle clients, an office transfer, a conference, my brother’s wedding, and trying to plan a much-needed get away all in the same week!!! And just when I think I need to pull my hair out the Lord brings peace. Peace that surpasses all understanding. I mean, the transition......PERFECT!!!
Wow!!! Umph, when God says “MOVE”, the only thing we can do is be positioned, obedient, and start moving forward by faith.
Monday, May 26, 2008
Plow, Plant, Cultivate, Harvest.........
Umph!!! Ok, I get tired of hearing about plow, plant, cultivate, harvest......plow, plant, cultivate, harvest.......plow, plant, cultivate, harvest......... I mean, I like to do it ONCE, but keep...plowing, planting, cultivating, and then waiting for the harvest gets tiring. And discourging. Especially for the same thing or same situation.
My pastor talked about developing "Faith-FULLness" in yesterday's message. And one of the things he said was that a faith-full person seeks contribution, increases usefulness, grows tenacity, perfects patience, sheds negatism, and stays consistent. As he was teaching he began to shout out the words......plow, plant, cultivate, harvest..........plow, plant, cultivate, harvest!! And then he said those dreadful words, "unfortunately, plowing, planting, and cultivating doesn't stop--it's constant." And though I don't like to hear it....I truly accept it and I understand it. I mean who doesn't want continuous harvest. Or to make it to the "purpose" of this life. But plowing, planting, and cultivating are the only way we grow and continue to grow in our careers, marriages, friendships, and even in our characters. It is a way of life. A continuous way of life.
Last week, I heard something so interesting. The keynote speaker at the conference I attended in Portland is a Native American who lives for Christ. And he told the audience that his parents were pillars of their Native American community growing up. Even when they died, months apart, his parents lives left such an impact. So what he and his sibiliing decided was that every year they would have this huge festival to celebrate their parents legacy. Well, the first year the event was so big that over a thousand people attended. Not being from a wealthy family, the speaker said that the expenses of the event were costly. But he and his sibiling knew this was something that they had to do out of their own pockets--not asking for help in any type of way.
The event ended up costing the speaker and his sibilings several thousands of dollars. They had all spent their life's savings and was pretty much broke after the event. But the interesting thing is that the speaker told us that this is what living is all about.....emptying to replenish. He said that this event has been going on for several years and the day after each event he and his sibilings began to rebuild their pockets to pour out again for the next event.
So, I'm sitting around today...ENJOYING MY HOLIDAY....thinking about the things in my life that I'm plowing, and planting, and cultivating......and then I think....what happens after the harvest???? (Cause there's been some things I've been plowing, planting, and cultivating for years and years and years). I mean, what do I really think will happen after the harvest. Will I live happily ever after?? Will I want more?? I mean, I never really thought about it. But then it comes to me.....just as winter comes after harvest time......I will bundle up with my warm gear, go out and plow the snow, and catch enough from the flow to make me a Kool-aid icee.
My pastor talked about developing "Faith-FULLness" in yesterday's message. And one of the things he said was that a faith-full person seeks contribution, increases usefulness, grows tenacity, perfects patience, sheds negatism, and stays consistent. As he was teaching he began to shout out the words......plow, plant, cultivate, harvest..........plow, plant, cultivate, harvest!! And then he said those dreadful words, "unfortunately, plowing, planting, and cultivating doesn't stop--it's constant." And though I don't like to hear it....I truly accept it and I understand it. I mean who doesn't want continuous harvest. Or to make it to the "purpose" of this life. But plowing, planting, and cultivating are the only way we grow and continue to grow in our careers, marriages, friendships, and even in our characters. It is a way of life. A continuous way of life.
Last week, I heard something so interesting. The keynote speaker at the conference I attended in Portland is a Native American who lives for Christ. And he told the audience that his parents were pillars of their Native American community growing up. Even when they died, months apart, his parents lives left such an impact. So what he and his sibiliing decided was that every year they would have this huge festival to celebrate their parents legacy. Well, the first year the event was so big that over a thousand people attended. Not being from a wealthy family, the speaker said that the expenses of the event were costly. But he and his sibiling knew this was something that they had to do out of their own pockets--not asking for help in any type of way.
The event ended up costing the speaker and his sibilings several thousands of dollars. They had all spent their life's savings and was pretty much broke after the event. But the interesting thing is that the speaker told us that this is what living is all about.....emptying to replenish. He said that this event has been going on for several years and the day after each event he and his sibilings began to rebuild their pockets to pour out again for the next event.
So, I'm sitting around today...ENJOYING MY HOLIDAY....thinking about the things in my life that I'm plowing, and planting, and cultivating......and then I think....what happens after the harvest???? (Cause there's been some things I've been plowing, planting, and cultivating for years and years and years). I mean, what do I really think will happen after the harvest. Will I live happily ever after?? Will I want more?? I mean, I never really thought about it. But then it comes to me.....just as winter comes after harvest time......I will bundle up with my warm gear, go out and plow the snow, and catch enough from the flow to make me a Kool-aid icee.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
If You Don't Get It, You Don't Get It
I heard my all-time favorite commercial on the radio this morning. It is Washington Post’s If You Don’t Get It, You Don’t Get It commercial. The commercial starts by stating fragments of news which can leave the listener a little baffled. And just as the commercial implies….if you don’t get the newspaper, you won’t understand the statements.
As a Communications/Public Relations major in undergrad, advertising was essential to the program’s curriculum. In one of my advertising classes (can’t remember which one--its been so long), my professor challenged each student to choose an advertisement campaign, research all of its components, and present to the class. When everybody was choosing McDonald’s and Wal-mart, I knew I was doing Washington Post’s newly launched campaign. Shucks, that was back in the 90s. I remember begging for an appointment at the busy news source only to get the run around. But I wasn’t taking IMPOSSIBLE for an answer. So I persistently took a trip downtown DC and after several hours walked out with the If You Don’t Get It, You Don’t Get It advertisement on audio and VHS. If I may say so myself, my presentation astounded my professor and my classmates!
So as I’m driving to the metro this morning, I began to think about my relationship with the Lord and marvel on how He’s made me. I laughed to myself, because some may not EVER understand these top 20 things about me:
1. Why I enjoy walking in the rain, not just during sunshine.
2. Why I’m more concerned with legacy than destiny.
3. Why I refuse to accept a “free” handicap sticker.
4. Why Juanita Bynum’s music has such an impact on my life.
5. Why I seem to brag about my family, and boast about my friends.
6. Why I sometimes cry when putting my key in the front door, or just sitting in my car.
7. Why I am an absolute sucker for views of mountains, sunsets, and oceans.
8. Why I can buy Miu Miu sandals, but my favorite store is Wal-mart.
9. Why I can spend hours in the book store and walkout with nothing.
10. Why my most romantic date is a long distance drive.
11. Why I sometimes settle for a ponytail.
12. Why the morning time always works best for me.
13. Why I love reading maps.
14. Why I choose Sunday afternoons.
15. Why my closet doors are mirrored.
16. Why orange is my favorite color.
17. Why “thank you” is my all-time favorite response.
18. Why my favorite book in the Bible is the Gospel of John.
19. Why I’m still single.
20. Why I’ve been in the same office for seven years, YES SEVEN!!!!
Umph, if you don’t get it, you don’t get it.
Or should I say……..if you don’t got It, then you don’t get it.
As a Communications/Public Relations major in undergrad, advertising was essential to the program’s curriculum. In one of my advertising classes (can’t remember which one--its been so long), my professor challenged each student to choose an advertisement campaign, research all of its components, and present to the class. When everybody was choosing McDonald’s and Wal-mart, I knew I was doing Washington Post’s newly launched campaign. Shucks, that was back in the 90s. I remember begging for an appointment at the busy news source only to get the run around. But I wasn’t taking IMPOSSIBLE for an answer. So I persistently took a trip downtown DC and after several hours walked out with the If You Don’t Get It, You Don’t Get It advertisement on audio and VHS. If I may say so myself, my presentation astounded my professor and my classmates!
So as I’m driving to the metro this morning, I began to think about my relationship with the Lord and marvel on how He’s made me. I laughed to myself, because some may not EVER understand these top 20 things about me:
1. Why I enjoy walking in the rain, not just during sunshine.
2. Why I’m more concerned with legacy than destiny.
3. Why I refuse to accept a “free” handicap sticker.
4. Why Juanita Bynum’s music has such an impact on my life.
5. Why I seem to brag about my family, and boast about my friends.
6. Why I sometimes cry when putting my key in the front door, or just sitting in my car.
7. Why I am an absolute sucker for views of mountains, sunsets, and oceans.
8. Why I can buy Miu Miu sandals, but my favorite store is Wal-mart.
9. Why I can spend hours in the book store and walkout with nothing.
10. Why my most romantic date is a long distance drive.
11. Why I sometimes settle for a ponytail.
12. Why the morning time always works best for me.
13. Why I love reading maps.
14. Why I choose Sunday afternoons.
15. Why my closet doors are mirrored.
16. Why orange is my favorite color.
17. Why “thank you” is my all-time favorite response.
18. Why my favorite book in the Bible is the Gospel of John.
19. Why I’m still single.
20. Why I’ve been in the same office for seven years, YES SEVEN!!!!
Umph, if you don’t get it, you don’t get it.
Or should I say……..if you don’t got It, then you don’t get it.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Stressed Out
I am stressed out to the highest stress-tivity!!! Here it is 5:36p and I'm just able to say.....girl, stop what you're doing and write in your blog. Writing helps a whole heck of alot. My phone is ringing---all the west coast people---and I ain't answering it!! Now I see my message light flashing. I'M BUSY!!!!
---NOOO, not more changes to the Annual Report!!!! I think I have legal language pressing against my brain. Can you please tell congress to wait another two weeks!!!!! I'M BUSY!!!! Umph, more added to the TO-DO list.
---Somebody sent me a 5MB report on continual auto-BLAST, so my emailbox is STUCK!! Can't send or receive messages.
---My Blackberry is buzzing with a 410 number. Must be the sistah from Countrywide Mortgage. I'm texting her now to tell her that my client is going with her credit union.
---Now what......luv you [colleague], but my expense report is late and the AmEx bill is due. Can't chat witcha right now. I'm trying to type and use the calculator at the same time. I ain't a numbers person and somehow I think I'm cheating myself out of $70. Umph. Can't make this a habit. Umph. I'll leave the numbers to Mr. Man.
---Aw shucks, forgot to confirm my room set-up for the conference next week.
---Dag, did I eat lunch today???????
I wish I could be FedEx'd home. Seriously. But I think I'll head down to the gym. I think.
---NOOO, not more changes to the Annual Report!!!! I think I have legal language pressing against my brain. Can you please tell congress to wait another two weeks!!!!! I'M BUSY!!!! Umph, more added to the TO-DO list.
---Somebody sent me a 5MB report on continual auto-BLAST, so my emailbox is STUCK!! Can't send or receive messages.
---My Blackberry is buzzing with a 410 number. Must be the sistah from Countrywide Mortgage. I'm texting her now to tell her that my client is going with her credit union.
---Now what......luv you [colleague], but my expense report is late and the AmEx bill is due. Can't chat witcha right now. I'm trying to type and use the calculator at the same time. I ain't a numbers person and somehow I think I'm cheating myself out of $70. Umph. Can't make this a habit. Umph. I'll leave the numbers to Mr. Man.
---Aw shucks, forgot to confirm my room set-up for the conference next week.
---Dag, did I eat lunch today???????
I wish I could be FedEx'd home. Seriously. But I think I'll head down to the gym. I think.
Monday, May 19, 2008
Back in the Flow
Can I just say that I had a SPLENTABULOUS time in Portland, OR for more than enough reasons. Portland is absolutely beautiful. And I was able to soak in every bit of it---snow-capped mountain views, hikes, rides along the rivers, lights of downtown, and even had a chance to stick my tongue out to catch a taste of the most beautiful waterfall in all America--the Columbia River Gorge. Even more beautiful than Niagra Falls. Yes, I said it!!!
The conference, in which I realized when I got there was geared to Native Americans, was marvelous. I learned sooo much about our people who are mostly born-again Christians. For some reason, I'm always in the right place to be used by God. LOL---What's up with that!!!
Just a few conference highlights.....
I ran into a Native American in the bathroom who gave me an overview of her life in Alaska. She told me that after she lands in Anchorage, she has a 4-hour drive to her home in which there are NO clothing stores except for one thrift shop. She said they are limited to ordering clothes online in which usually turns out a disaster. So she spent most of her free time in the mall across from our hotel to pick-up "luxuries" for her six children. She also told me about her 19 year-old son who is in a deep depression. Our conversation lasted for an hour and 20 minutes. As I prayed for her and her son that night, I had to give God thanks for just the simple things I'm blessed with. I mean c'mon......no Wal-mart!!
Then I had a conversation with another Native American woman from Utah who told me that she has a twenty-five year old son and never in a million years thought she would have any more children until her twin daughters arrived two years ago. She said she was devasted with the news of her pregnancy and completely lost it with the news of twins. But she says now she can't imagine her life without them. Looking nearly 50 years old, she said that the Lord put those girls in her life to restore her joy and her youth.
Then, only me, I stopped to have a conversation with the janitor. Not that I wouldn't talk to a janitor, but this one pierced me in my heart. He was standing in front of a big advertisement that displayed several children from various cultures. And so I stopped because the man looked distraught. He told me that he keeps walking by and crying because the little boy in the ad looks just like his 6-year old grandson whom he and his wife has temporary custody. But next week, after having him for the last 5 years, his mother (their son's ex-girlfriend) will take him back in front of a judge. He said that he doesn't know how his wife will hold up, and each day gets worse and worse. I stood there speechless as I watched a grown 50+ year old man cry. And then I assured him that I would keep them all in my prayers---especially the grandson.
What a wonderful time I had in Portland. On our return, the severe delay in Philly (for just a 21-minute flight home to DC) was well-worth every bit of the trip. Umph.....
Now I'm trying to get back in the flow----read emails, check voicemail messages, catch-up on office politics, and finalize plans for our own conference next week. Hmmmmmm.........
The conference, in which I realized when I got there was geared to Native Americans, was marvelous. I learned sooo much about our people who are mostly born-again Christians. For some reason, I'm always in the right place to be used by God. LOL---What's up with that!!!
Just a few conference highlights.....
I ran into a Native American in the bathroom who gave me an overview of her life in Alaska. She told me that after she lands in Anchorage, she has a 4-hour drive to her home in which there are NO clothing stores except for one thrift shop. She said they are limited to ordering clothes online in which usually turns out a disaster. So she spent most of her free time in the mall across from our hotel to pick-up "luxuries" for her six children. She also told me about her 19 year-old son who is in a deep depression. Our conversation lasted for an hour and 20 minutes. As I prayed for her and her son that night, I had to give God thanks for just the simple things I'm blessed with. I mean c'mon......no Wal-mart!!
Then I had a conversation with another Native American woman from Utah who told me that she has a twenty-five year old son and never in a million years thought she would have any more children until her twin daughters arrived two years ago. She said she was devasted with the news of her pregnancy and completely lost it with the news of twins. But she says now she can't imagine her life without them. Looking nearly 50 years old, she said that the Lord put those girls in her life to restore her joy and her youth.
Then, only me, I stopped to have a conversation with the janitor. Not that I wouldn't talk to a janitor, but this one pierced me in my heart. He was standing in front of a big advertisement that displayed several children from various cultures. And so I stopped because the man looked distraught. He told me that he keeps walking by and crying because the little boy in the ad looks just like his 6-year old grandson whom he and his wife has temporary custody. But next week, after having him for the last 5 years, his mother (their son's ex-girlfriend) will take him back in front of a judge. He said that he doesn't know how his wife will hold up, and each day gets worse and worse. I stood there speechless as I watched a grown 50+ year old man cry. And then I assured him that I would keep them all in my prayers---especially the grandson.
What a wonderful time I had in Portland. On our return, the severe delay in Philly (for just a 21-minute flight home to DC) was well-worth every bit of the trip. Umph.....
Now I'm trying to get back in the flow----read emails, check voicemail messages, catch-up on office politics, and finalize plans for our own conference next week. Hmmmmmm.........
Monday, May 12, 2008
Preparing for Portland
I’m on travel this week. And for once, do not feel like traveling---especially not to the west coast. But I was highly recommended to attend a child care conference in Portland, OR and so I have to......do my job.
I’ve never been to Portland, but I’ve wanted to visit ever since I met the cutest little bi-racial boy on my flight back from San Francisco a couple months ago. Devon was his name. And he and his mom lives in Portland, but were traveling to visit family in Tucson, AZ for Devon’s spring break. When I had reached my window seat, Devon and his mom were already seated. Devon greeted me with a, “Hi, my name is Devon. Do you wanna play a game with me and my mom?” I fell instantly in love with him. And although I was extremely exhausted trying to get back to the east coast in time for Resurrection Sunday the next day, I committed myself to playing with Devon all the way to my layover in Arizona. Umph, I wish I could’ve gotten Devon’s contact information. I sure would have tried to take him a toy and have dinner with him and his mom. His mom and I had a really good conversation on that flight, and I couldn’t help but to pray for her as she explained her unfortunate situation. Hmmm, maybe I’ll bump into them while I’m there. Nothing’s impossible for God!!!!
Alright, I have to pack my last few items and then I’m off to Reagan National!!!
I’ve never been to Portland, but I’ve wanted to visit ever since I met the cutest little bi-racial boy on my flight back from San Francisco a couple months ago. Devon was his name. And he and his mom lives in Portland, but were traveling to visit family in Tucson, AZ for Devon’s spring break. When I had reached my window seat, Devon and his mom were already seated. Devon greeted me with a, “Hi, my name is Devon. Do you wanna play a game with me and my mom?” I fell instantly in love with him. And although I was extremely exhausted trying to get back to the east coast in time for Resurrection Sunday the next day, I committed myself to playing with Devon all the way to my layover in Arizona. Umph, I wish I could’ve gotten Devon’s contact information. I sure would have tried to take him a toy and have dinner with him and his mom. His mom and I had a really good conversation on that flight, and I couldn’t help but to pray for her as she explained her unfortunate situation. Hmmm, maybe I’ll bump into them while I’m there. Nothing’s impossible for God!!!!
Alright, I have to pack my last few items and then I’m off to Reagan National!!!
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Happy “God” Mothers Day!!
“Happy Mothers Day, Jill.” That’s what my 80 year-old aunt said to me when I called to wish her a happy mother’s day today. Her same old response, “well you’re a God mother, ain’t you?” “Yes, Auntie you’re right,” was all I could say.
Ironically, today was a special God Mother’s Day for me since my (ok, let me count—Tierra, Schley Saucer, Alaya, Jaylin….), my fifth God-child was Christened and I took my rightful position to fulfill the duties of "God Mommy".
When I got to the church, little Miss Taylor Alexandria greeted me with a special smile. I’d felt so bad because she’s grown so much in the last year. Last I saw her was at my sister’s cook-out last August in which she was just a few months old. But she looked radiant today in a beautiful white raw silk dress with a pale pink sweater, black patent leather shoes, and her hair pulled up into a neat braided ponytail with a cute little ribbon dripping down the sides. She was so content in church until she couldn't stand it any longer and fell asleep in her mommy’s arms.
Her mommy. I met her mom, Tiffany, a good six years ago at my current employer, the Administration for Children and Families. Tiffany was in the Federal government’s stay-in-school program from Howard University’s School of Journalism. An AWESOME writer with an awesome future ahead of her, she’d come to a dry time in her life when she was caught in a vulnerable position and had gotten pregnant. I remember when I heard the news, I was so disappointed. We had so many good talks (I consider myself her big sister since I am exactly 10 years and eight days older than her) and I wondered many days what really went wrong. But she needed me, and there was no way I could blame her for experiencing “life”.
The day Tiffany delivered Taylor she asked me to be her daughter’s God mother. I was honored, but reluctant. I had so many mixed emotions, mainly because I had neglected my other God children over the years, the oldest being 18 years old. Not intentionally, but because I'm single and childless, and I take darn good advantage of it. But I knew I had to fulfill this order because I feel a special bond with Tiffany. And so as I stood there this morning listening to her pastor give the Godparents charge, I felt assured and confident in saying “YES” that I would continue to be a support to Taylor and her mom for the rest of Taylor’s life.
Ironically, today was a special God Mother’s Day for me since my (ok, let me count—Tierra, Schley Saucer, Alaya, Jaylin….), my fifth God-child was Christened and I took my rightful position to fulfill the duties of "God Mommy".
When I got to the church, little Miss Taylor Alexandria greeted me with a special smile. I’d felt so bad because she’s grown so much in the last year. Last I saw her was at my sister’s cook-out last August in which she was just a few months old. But she looked radiant today in a beautiful white raw silk dress with a pale pink sweater, black patent leather shoes, and her hair pulled up into a neat braided ponytail with a cute little ribbon dripping down the sides. She was so content in church until she couldn't stand it any longer and fell asleep in her mommy’s arms.
Her mommy. I met her mom, Tiffany, a good six years ago at my current employer, the Administration for Children and Families. Tiffany was in the Federal government’s stay-in-school program from Howard University’s School of Journalism. An AWESOME writer with an awesome future ahead of her, she’d come to a dry time in her life when she was caught in a vulnerable position and had gotten pregnant. I remember when I heard the news, I was so disappointed. We had so many good talks (I consider myself her big sister since I am exactly 10 years and eight days older than her) and I wondered many days what really went wrong. But she needed me, and there was no way I could blame her for experiencing “life”.
The day Tiffany delivered Taylor she asked me to be her daughter’s God mother. I was honored, but reluctant. I had so many mixed emotions, mainly because I had neglected my other God children over the years, the oldest being 18 years old. Not intentionally, but because I'm single and childless, and I take darn good advantage of it. But I knew I had to fulfill this order because I feel a special bond with Tiffany. And so as I stood there this morning listening to her pastor give the Godparents charge, I felt assured and confident in saying “YES” that I would continue to be a support to Taylor and her mom for the rest of Taylor’s life.
Thursday, May 8, 2008
Seventh Street Stroll
It was one of those mornings. Got up after 7:00a (late), not having an idea of what to wear, flipped through the closet, and then settled on a gray pair of slacks and buttoned down shirt. It’s raining outside and I wish I could’ve stayed in the bed at least an extra 2 hours. But I took my time, for no apparent reason just that it was one of those mornings. My colleague had surgery yesterday and just as I was plugging up the flat iron she returned my call. I took my time and talked to her for a good twenty minutes before I realized it was almost 8:00a.
I finally dragged myself out the house and dodge the rain as I ran to the car (umph, I need a car wash bad). I get to the metro and am surprised to get a parking space. I decide not to run for the train that just pulled up on the platform, but for some reason the conductor holds it for me. I take my usual seat, pull out my book, then put it right back in my bag cause I’m tired. I get off at my usual transfer spot---Gallery Place, but this morning I don't feel like rushing in so I decide not to get on the yellow line and walk the 25 minutes to the office.
As I’m strolling down 7th street, I’m amazed at what I see. First, I saw a well-groomed homeless man brushing his teeth over the sewer. I look over at his makeshift house of six or seven broken umbrellas and see his box of toiletries that wasn’t limited to toothpaste, mouthwash, deodorant, a afro pick, and I think a bottle of Old Spice. Wow, I thought. Wonder where he’s going.
So I’m strolling down 7th, listening to the iPod and pause in thought…..why don’t they put jackets on their children. Umph! My thoughts started to get louder than the song, so I turn up the volume. Then as I’m making it across my favorite block, the Washington Mall, I slow my pace as tourists are taking pictures either of the Capitol or the Monument. I stop for two friends—a black guy and a white guy---as they’re taking weird poses in front of the Monument. As they’re switching positions, I blurt out with a “hey, why don’t you two stand together and I’ll take the picture”. They’re ecstatic because I made their day. So I’m taking pictures one, two, and three like I’m a tourist. Or like I don’t have a job to get to.
So I continue my stroll down 7th, passing by L’Enfant Plaza metro. My eyes take a quick browse across the newspaper stands and can’t help but to focus in on the Afro-American. I see Sean Bell’s fiancé on the cover and wonder how this young lady must be feeling to lose the love of her life hours before they’re to wed. I think about her two fatherless daughters. And then I wonder if she’ll ever plan to marry again. I say a quick prayer for the Bell family and continue my pursuit.
I finally get to my building, stop in the deli for a cup of "wake-up" and bump into a colleague. He’s practically sleep walking. We chat for a minute as we’re riding up the elevator. We walk in our office and all of the staff are sleeping walking too. I look up at the clock and its a few minutes before 10:00a. My Blackberry goes off reminding me of my 11:00a meeting, and as I’m dismissing the alert I decide to lay my head down on my desk and take a quick nap before starting my day.
I finally dragged myself out the house and dodge the rain as I ran to the car (umph, I need a car wash bad). I get to the metro and am surprised to get a parking space. I decide not to run for the train that just pulled up on the platform, but for some reason the conductor holds it for me. I take my usual seat, pull out my book, then put it right back in my bag cause I’m tired. I get off at my usual transfer spot---Gallery Place, but this morning I don't feel like rushing in so I decide not to get on the yellow line and walk the 25 minutes to the office.
As I’m strolling down 7th street, I’m amazed at what I see. First, I saw a well-groomed homeless man brushing his teeth over the sewer. I look over at his makeshift house of six or seven broken umbrellas and see his box of toiletries that wasn’t limited to toothpaste, mouthwash, deodorant, a afro pick, and I think a bottle of Old Spice. Wow, I thought. Wonder where he’s going.
So I’m strolling down 7th, listening to the iPod and pause in thought…..why don’t they put jackets on their children. Umph! My thoughts started to get louder than the song, so I turn up the volume. Then as I’m making it across my favorite block, the Washington Mall, I slow my pace as tourists are taking pictures either of the Capitol or the Monument. I stop for two friends—a black guy and a white guy---as they’re taking weird poses in front of the Monument. As they’re switching positions, I blurt out with a “hey, why don’t you two stand together and I’ll take the picture”. They’re ecstatic because I made their day. So I’m taking pictures one, two, and three like I’m a tourist. Or like I don’t have a job to get to.
So I continue my stroll down 7th, passing by L’Enfant Plaza metro. My eyes take a quick browse across the newspaper stands and can’t help but to focus in on the Afro-American. I see Sean Bell’s fiancé on the cover and wonder how this young lady must be feeling to lose the love of her life hours before they’re to wed. I think about her two fatherless daughters. And then I wonder if she’ll ever plan to marry again. I say a quick prayer for the Bell family and continue my pursuit.
I finally get to my building, stop in the deli for a cup of "wake-up" and bump into a colleague. He’s practically sleep walking. We chat for a minute as we’re riding up the elevator. We walk in our office and all of the staff are sleeping walking too. I look up at the clock and its a few minutes before 10:00a. My Blackberry goes off reminding me of my 11:00a meeting, and as I’m dismissing the alert I decide to lay my head down on my desk and take a quick nap before starting my day.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Putting Out the Fleece
I have to repent.
I’ve been studying the Book of Judges and was reading the story about Gideon. Gideon is quite known as a mighty man of God because he used what he had, which wasn’t much, to conquer a great task for the Lord. But that’s not how he started. Gideon was a farmer. The Bible describes him as a coward, very insecure, and not really respected in his home. All of his family, except him, worshipped the god baal and so he was indeed an outcast. But God, being All-Knowing, knew that He could use Gideon. When Gideon received instructions from the Lord to lead the Jewish army, he was quite baffled. He questioned God especially because of the current situations of his land.
1. Gideon needed to know if God cared.
2. Gideon wanted to know if God knew what He was doing.
3. Gideon wanted to know if God would take care of him.
4. Gideon wanted to know if God would keep his promises.
Now Gideon knew that God had instructed him to an important task, but his doubts and insecurities got in the way. So what Gideon did was ask God to give him ridiculous signs to assure him that He wanted him to do what was indeed instructed.
This is why I have to repent.
I am known to ask God to give me signs for instructions I’m confident He gave me. Perhaps I’m trying to avoid an unwelcome task, or just don’t believe that He really cares about my well-being in situations. I always question the Lord’s voice. Probably more so cause a lot of times He will give me the first part of instructions and because I can't see the big picture I want to know why and what’s next, and more importantly what’s the end result. Now I’m not ridiculous enough to say, “Lord if you want me to tell such and such that she shouldn’t be marrying that guy then make a red bird sit on my car in the morning.” But I have said, “Lord if you don’t want me to accept the position that is offered, then let another organization call with a better offer.” Man, I’ve conditioned the Lord's instructions more than enought times. And such conditions, I’ve now learned, are a form of distrust and lack of faith in God. I mean, as in the above scenario, why can’t I just accept his command and not accept the position---period. So I repent.
But the story about Gideon doesn’t end there. The Bible says that because the Lord loved Gideon so much and knew that he was available to use, He gave Gideon the signs he asked for. As a result, Gideon and his army conquered their land. Umph!
Even in our faithlessness, God still stoops to our weaknesses and makes provisions. But all He wants us to do is trust Him. Umph.
But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him. --Hebrews 11:6
I’ve been studying the Book of Judges and was reading the story about Gideon. Gideon is quite known as a mighty man of God because he used what he had, which wasn’t much, to conquer a great task for the Lord. But that’s not how he started. Gideon was a farmer. The Bible describes him as a coward, very insecure, and not really respected in his home. All of his family, except him, worshipped the god baal and so he was indeed an outcast. But God, being All-Knowing, knew that He could use Gideon. When Gideon received instructions from the Lord to lead the Jewish army, he was quite baffled. He questioned God especially because of the current situations of his land.
1. Gideon needed to know if God cared.
2. Gideon wanted to know if God knew what He was doing.
3. Gideon wanted to know if God would take care of him.
4. Gideon wanted to know if God would keep his promises.
Now Gideon knew that God had instructed him to an important task, but his doubts and insecurities got in the way. So what Gideon did was ask God to give him ridiculous signs to assure him that He wanted him to do what was indeed instructed.
This is why I have to repent.
I am known to ask God to give me signs for instructions I’m confident He gave me. Perhaps I’m trying to avoid an unwelcome task, or just don’t believe that He really cares about my well-being in situations. I always question the Lord’s voice. Probably more so cause a lot of times He will give me the first part of instructions and because I can't see the big picture I want to know why and what’s next, and more importantly what’s the end result. Now I’m not ridiculous enough to say, “Lord if you want me to tell such and such that she shouldn’t be marrying that guy then make a red bird sit on my car in the morning.” But I have said, “Lord if you don’t want me to accept the position that is offered, then let another organization call with a better offer.” Man, I’ve conditioned the Lord's instructions more than enought times. And such conditions, I’ve now learned, are a form of distrust and lack of faith in God. I mean, as in the above scenario, why can’t I just accept his command and not accept the position---period. So I repent.
But the story about Gideon doesn’t end there. The Bible says that because the Lord loved Gideon so much and knew that he was available to use, He gave Gideon the signs he asked for. As a result, Gideon and his army conquered their land. Umph!
Even in our faithlessness, God still stoops to our weaknesses and makes provisions. But all He wants us to do is trust Him. Umph.
But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him. --Hebrews 11:6
Sunday, May 4, 2008
Waterfalls
| The strangest thing has been happening to me for the last 8 months or so. I have been crying, and crying, and crying….. It’s the strangest thing. I’m trying to identify the emotion each cry is attached to, but it ain’t working. I mean, aside from the turn of the real estate market causing my “big” side hustle to halt, the Lord has been blessing immensely. Last week my monthly mortgage payments decreased by over $300, and you’d think I’d CRY tears of relief. But I didn’t. Don’t get me wrong….I am ecstatic!!! And probably did shed a happy tear or two, but not the CRY that’s been my favorite pastime. Then I thought about my cousins in South Carolina who suddenly lost both of their parents within a month. Their parents played a major role in how I live my life today, and though for the last week I’ve been sad with boohooing tears it wasn’t the CRY. Whether in the form of tears, or any other form, water is my favorite natural element. I mean, if I believed in zodiac signs it wouldn’t surprise me that I was born an Aquarius. I’ve loved water from birth. As a baby, I chose sugar water over milk. And at the age of five the first hobby I mastered was swimming. I love the rain, especially the smell of it. And I also like walking in it. I love long hot baths. I love listening to the ocean. I even have a terrible habit of running water in the bathroom or the kitchen even if I’m not using the sink. Every night I have to have a tall glass of iced water on my nightstand even if I don’t drink it. And then there’s my name. My uncle named my middle name Marina. Hmmmm…… So today I had the CRY. I’m listening to Marvin Sapp’s recent project, “Thirsty” (go figure) and start to CRY. Then I get to the last song, Rivers Flow and I lose it. Completely lose it. The CRY is in full affect. As I listened to the words: I believe I’ll take a drink From the well that won’t run dry I believe I’ll take a drink from a well that giveth life Thou only knew the gifts of God and who it was that said to thee Thou would have asked of him give me drink and He would give unto thee I’ve got a river flowing Inside of me I’ll take a drink whenever I feel the need Not in the mountains Or at Jacob’s well But from my belly Flows a well that’s springing of living water Worship in me I will never thirst again Everlasting life Water is Spirit in me Worship in life The hour has come And it is now Spirit and truth Worship he seeks Father is seeking someone right now that will let go And just release And then it hits me!!!! I now know what the CRY means. I have finally found the joy of the Lord!!! No attachments. Just because HE IS. I mean, I love the blessings and the gifts, but I tell you seeking His face and not just His hand is a beautiful thing!!! The more He pours into me, the more worship I have to give to Him. Or should I say the more I CRY. |
Saturday, May 3, 2008
I Think I Can
| Is it just me, but do sometimes you just want to take off running? I mean, not because of anything special but just because Christ is living on the inside of you and you can’t keep still. Just a couple of months ago I’m waiting for my train and I had the sudden urge to skip. I said skip. Yes, skip. Maybe I was reading a good book. Don’t know. But I do know that such abnormal physical activity has been showing up in my daily more frequently. Ok, in my mind. I be sprinting in my mind. Today was one of those days. I just felt like moving my body. And you’d think that after going to bed at 3:00a and getting up at 7:00a my energy level would be at its NO-west. Not. So I meet with my Women of Wellness (WOW) group at Elkshorn Park in Columbia. Thanks Tori, girl! And the sudden urge of physical takes place. About ten decide to walk, and three of us (along with Tori’s daughter on her bike) decide to run. I ain’t never run before…. I tell the girls. But I’m doing it today cause I feel like running. The run starts off good. I’m overly excited cause my mind, my body, and my Spirit are seriously bonding right now. Slowed my pace down just a little to catch my breath and am in a groove with my iPod. But then we get to our first hill and I start to get a little intimidated. Aw shucks, ain’t nobody said nothing about no hills!! So Tori starts singing “I think we can, I think we can” But then her daughter says….. “NO. I know we can, I know we can.” And then it was on. I don’t know if it was nature, the beautiful waterfall in the middle of the lake, the trees, the music, the group, the happy joggers, the children’s laughter, or what. But I did something I ain’t NEVER done. I ran 3 miles and walked 3 miles!!! My pedometer read 13,656 steps when we finished. God is good!!! Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. --Hebrews 12:1-2 |
Thursday, May 1, 2008
In Black and White
I’m probably one of the few sistahs who loves seeing interracial couples together---not just accepting it, I mean luuuv seeing it. To me, it shouts……regardless of what others think, and regardless of the stares, and regardless of our differing cultures, and regardless of possibilities of being denied opportunities, I’m willing to deal with it all for the sake of our love for one another!
As a proud graduate and supporter of HBCUs (Historically Black Colleges and Universities) I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve been caught between “trophy wife” talk on campus. But I have to be frank; our fine, educated brothas being with white women has NEVER bothered me. I mean, should it??? WHY????
I remember back in my twenties I was caught up in my own relationship drama---with a black brotha. One day after leaving work, I was so stressed out with thoughts about my unhappiness I could barely focus on even walking straight. So as I’m riding down the escalator at Farragut North metro, I see an interracial couple riding up on the other side---black guy/white girl. If I can remember, they were cuddled in intimate conversation. But I’m telling you, they were the last people on my mind. But obviously my expression was speaking different from what my mind was thinking. All of a sudden, the black guy looks at me and says, “don’t be jealous.” How dare he assume my feelings about his choice!
Ok, ok I’m sure there are black men who are willingly caught up in the Kim Kardashian trend, but I’d still like to give our brothas the benefit of the doubt. I mean, I firmly believe that people can genuinely fall for an individual (black or white or any race) for reasons as simple as shared interests and characters that shout peace, harmony, fun, and happiness. I mean, who wouldn’t want to be attached to a happy, fun person. YEEEES, I do realize that there are happy, fun black women out here (like yours truly--haaaa!). But maybe our paths didn't cross with the brothas who are now attached to white women. Or maybe they did. But didn’t we fight for the right to choose. I mean, can’t a brotha choose to be with who he wants to be with??? I do. And will not sacrafice my choice based on society's opinions.
Last year, me and a colleague (another black woman) were sent on a special work assignment. When we arrived we were teamed up with another pair (two single white men around our ages). All of our personalities clicked immediately. For 12 days we worked well together. In the midst of a tedious, 24-hour operation we found support and solace in each other. I mean, we would leave our workstations sometimes at 3:00a in the morning, and the guys made sure we got to our hotel rooms safely. When duty called, we ladies made sure the guys were up. Sometimes ringing their phones for minutes. At the most challenging times of our task we made each other laugh; we made sure each other ate if nothing but a few crackers; we shared inside jokes; we snuck a few hours to have dinners together. We taught them things, and they taught us things. I mean, the bond was ridiculous. To the point where we were recognized by the state for superior team work.
When the assignment ended, my colleague had developed a strong crush on one of the guys. To this day, they have maintained a friendship. She recently revealed to me that she had to repent for being prejudice. She said that because of our experience with the guys the Lord had opened her heart to be receptive to love from all races. And she said…..Jill, I can now see myself falling in love and marrying a white guy. She was quite opened in expressing her feelings. And I understood her. Really, I did. But, Um hmm, alright girl……was all I could say for I’m confident that a black brotha is in my future. And I’m happy about it.
There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus. --Galatians 3:28
As a proud graduate and supporter of HBCUs (Historically Black Colleges and Universities) I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve been caught between “trophy wife” talk on campus. But I have to be frank; our fine, educated brothas being with white women has NEVER bothered me. I mean, should it??? WHY????
I remember back in my twenties I was caught up in my own relationship drama---with a black brotha. One day after leaving work, I was so stressed out with thoughts about my unhappiness I could barely focus on even walking straight. So as I’m riding down the escalator at Farragut North metro, I see an interracial couple riding up on the other side---black guy/white girl. If I can remember, they were cuddled in intimate conversation. But I’m telling you, they were the last people on my mind. But obviously my expression was speaking different from what my mind was thinking. All of a sudden, the black guy looks at me and says, “don’t be jealous.” How dare he assume my feelings about his choice!
Ok, ok I’m sure there are black men who are willingly caught up in the Kim Kardashian trend, but I’d still like to give our brothas the benefit of the doubt. I mean, I firmly believe that people can genuinely fall for an individual (black or white or any race) for reasons as simple as shared interests and characters that shout peace, harmony, fun, and happiness. I mean, who wouldn’t want to be attached to a happy, fun person. YEEEES, I do realize that there are happy, fun black women out here (like yours truly--haaaa!). But maybe our paths didn't cross with the brothas who are now attached to white women. Or maybe they did. But didn’t we fight for the right to choose. I mean, can’t a brotha choose to be with who he wants to be with??? I do. And will not sacrafice my choice based on society's opinions.
Last year, me and a colleague (another black woman) were sent on a special work assignment. When we arrived we were teamed up with another pair (two single white men around our ages). All of our personalities clicked immediately. For 12 days we worked well together. In the midst of a tedious, 24-hour operation we found support and solace in each other. I mean, we would leave our workstations sometimes at 3:00a in the morning, and the guys made sure we got to our hotel rooms safely. When duty called, we ladies made sure the guys were up. Sometimes ringing their phones for minutes. At the most challenging times of our task we made each other laugh; we made sure each other ate if nothing but a few crackers; we shared inside jokes; we snuck a few hours to have dinners together. We taught them things, and they taught us things. I mean, the bond was ridiculous. To the point where we were recognized by the state for superior team work.
When the assignment ended, my colleague had developed a strong crush on one of the guys. To this day, they have maintained a friendship. She recently revealed to me that she had to repent for being prejudice. She said that because of our experience with the guys the Lord had opened her heart to be receptive to love from all races. And she said…..Jill, I can now see myself falling in love and marrying a white guy. She was quite opened in expressing her feelings. And I understood her. Really, I did. But, Um hmm, alright girl……was all I could say for I’m confident that a black brotha is in my future. And I’m happy about it.
There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus. --Galatians 3:28
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