Over the years, I have to admit.......I've developed this "I can do it all by myself" attitude. And I would have to assume that one of my qualities, or strengths, is that I'm an independent to the bone. Or at least that's what my loved ones say. I mean, I can tell you a list of things I'd rather do alone---shopping being at the top---and will get upset if anyone tries to invade my space. I guess its good that I don't have to wait for another to either make me happy or enjoy life, but on the flipside having this "Ms. Independent" attitude can also be my downfall.
See, for years and years and years I've been dodging a specific assignment (lol-no, not marriage, but wouldn't that be wonderful!!) that I'm a firm believer is instruction from the Lord. I think I've been dodging this assignment because I start, get to a task, and if it seems beyond me, or my control, I either run the opposit direction or stop dead in my tracks. (Ok, I can have a control issue if I allow myself to). The sad part is that this "lack of control" ends up controlling me. Controlling me to the point where I get inundated and frustrated and say the heck with this assignment!! And then time passes and I'm unhappy :-((( and miserable because I'm not fulfilling purpose and walking in obedience. The sadder part is that I've perfected all of the tools for developing and maintaining this "assignment", received a master level degree in it, and practice it daily. And in the back of my mind I keep hearing a voice saying---YOU CAN DO IT, YOU CAN DO IT!!
So over the last couple of weeks I've been doing some deep deep thinking on this "assignment" and decided to pursue it further. And when I got to the part that makes me absolutely cringe.....you know the part that makes or breaks a deal.....or as scholars say......physics is the class that separates students from the professionals....well that's the part I came to. And so I'm studying and studying and finally say to myself.......I need help!!!!!!
And so I did my research on the net and found a scholar who is a retired professional specializing in my "assignment". I emailed him, and what'll you know........he gave me all the answers I was looking for and some. He told me that I can feel free to contact him with any little question, big question, concern, or comment and that his job was to help me be successful in my "assignment".
So I now have an official mentor!!!
For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened. --Matthew 7:8
Monday, June 30, 2008
Friday, June 27, 2008
Friday Interrupted---Almost
Ok, satan's got to get up really early to TRY and conquer me. But it ain't gonna happen. Nope. It ain't, cause he can't.
My week was HECTIC to say the least, trying to meet deadlines, staying afloat emotionally in my personal life, and this strep throat thingy trying to come back. I ended up being out on Wednesday in which could've set a sistah back---BUT IT DIDN'T!!!!
So I get in this morning....after being a little pissed that I can't seem to keep juice in the iPod (see my previous entry) and I do the usual---get connected to pandora and begin my day in continuous jam mode. Sorry, between music and my blog.......they keep me mentally fit.
So I begin to write my day's To-Do list:
1. Review final edits on ARC-06
2. Prepare ARC-07 for Director's Review
3. Prepare HM Continuations
4. Write HM Congressional Letter
5. Review Lao Invoices
6. Finalize Consultation Report
7. Review Director's Message
Ok, everything seemed doable. By noon I'm jamming to......I'M LIVING IN THE OVERFLOW / I'M LIVING IN THE OVERFLOW........by William Murphy. I had just scratched off at least two things (the two BIG things!!) from my to-do list when I get a phone call from my [younger sister]. This is how it went:
[Younger Sister]: "Hey"
Me: "Hey, what's up?"
[Younger Sister]: "Um, I'ma need you to get in touch with your car insurance cause I just had an accident in your car."
Me: (silence)
[Younger Sister]: "I mean, I'ma pay for it and all, but the girl I hit said that the car is her company's car and that she has to have your insurance information on file. It's her company's policy."
Me: (silent, pissed, and speechless)
[Younger Sister]: "I know I was wrong. I mean I just wasn't paying attention"
Me: "OH, YOU BETTA HOPE MY INSURANCE IS NOT AFFECTED!!!!!!"
I can't even continue writing the script cause its irritating me again. But basically this hussy tried to mess up my good mood. I mean, I'm wrapping up a very productive work week, jamming at my desk, and looking forward to my weekend and this hussy tried to screw it up!!!!
So, I'm pissed.
She betta be glad it was Keesha (my red 97 Mitsubishi) she was driving, and not Kay. Oh no, she would never drive Kay. And its not an issue of material because Keesha (nor my sister) was damaged, but just the fact that I warned her many, many times to be careful or else she'd have to pay. Now look!!!! Big sister told ya!!!
So what do I do????
I called my oldest sister. Her first famous word----"FINISHED!!!!" I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Cause although she too is a victim of helping our younger sisters, she warned me about this one. Now, let me just say......when I created this blog I promised myself that I would not discuss too many personal, family issues only because I want to protect my family's privacy.......but dog-on-it I need to vent!!!!
So I'm talking to my oldest sister and the conversation goes from the car incident to my personal life and she prefaces it with......I know you don't like talking to me about [personal issues] cause I don't give Godly advice, but I'ma tell you what you need to do.........at this point I am cracking up cause she says the dumbest stuff that unfortunately makes sense!!!!! Then we switch back to the car incident. Finally, her last advice was to call Lloyd, my insurance agent, and beg him not to drop my insurance. I laughed and hung up.
I call Lloyd and just as I knew the Lord would have already had a conversation with him, Lloyd says.....oh, don't worry, you're ok.
So, satan you got to get up early in the morning to TRY your scheme cause trying to throw monkey wrenches in my day ain't happening!!!
My week was HECTIC to say the least, trying to meet deadlines, staying afloat emotionally in my personal life, and this strep throat thingy trying to come back. I ended up being out on Wednesday in which could've set a sistah back---BUT IT DIDN'T!!!!
So I get in this morning....after being a little pissed that I can't seem to keep juice in the iPod (see my previous entry) and I do the usual---get connected to pandora and begin my day in continuous jam mode. Sorry, between music and my blog.......they keep me mentally fit.
So I begin to write my day's To-Do list:
1. Review final edits on ARC-06
2. Prepare ARC-07 for Director's Review
3. Prepare HM Continuations
4. Write HM Congressional Letter
5. Review Lao Invoices
6. Finalize Consultation Report
7. Review Director's Message
Ok, everything seemed doable. By noon I'm jamming to......I'M LIVING IN THE OVERFLOW / I'M LIVING IN THE OVERFLOW........by William Murphy. I had just scratched off at least two things (the two BIG things!!) from my to-do list when I get a phone call from my [younger sister]. This is how it went:
[Younger Sister]: "Hey"
Me: "Hey, what's up?"
[Younger Sister]: "Um, I'ma need you to get in touch with your car insurance cause I just had an accident in your car."
Me: (silence)
[Younger Sister]: "I mean, I'ma pay for it and all, but the girl I hit said that the car is her company's car and that she has to have your insurance information on file. It's her company's policy."
Me: (silent, pissed, and speechless)
[Younger Sister]: "I know I was wrong. I mean I just wasn't paying attention"
Me: "OH, YOU BETTA HOPE MY INSURANCE IS NOT AFFECTED!!!!!!"
I can't even continue writing the script cause its irritating me again. But basically this hussy tried to mess up my good mood. I mean, I'm wrapping up a very productive work week, jamming at my desk, and looking forward to my weekend and this hussy tried to screw it up!!!!
So, I'm pissed.
She betta be glad it was Keesha (my red 97 Mitsubishi) she was driving, and not Kay. Oh no, she would never drive Kay. And its not an issue of material because Keesha (nor my sister) was damaged, but just the fact that I warned her many, many times to be careful or else she'd have to pay. Now look!!!! Big sister told ya!!!
So what do I do????
I called my oldest sister. Her first famous word----"FINISHED!!!!" I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Cause although she too is a victim of helping our younger sisters, she warned me about this one. Now, let me just say......when I created this blog I promised myself that I would not discuss too many personal, family issues only because I want to protect my family's privacy.......but dog-on-it I need to vent!!!!
So I'm talking to my oldest sister and the conversation goes from the car incident to my personal life and she prefaces it with......I know you don't like talking to me about [personal issues] cause I don't give Godly advice, but I'ma tell you what you need to do.........at this point I am cracking up cause she says the dumbest stuff that unfortunately makes sense!!!!! Then we switch back to the car incident. Finally, her last advice was to call Lloyd, my insurance agent, and beg him not to drop my insurance. I laughed and hung up.
I call Lloyd and just as I knew the Lord would have already had a conversation with him, Lloyd says.....oh, don't worry, you're ok.
So, satan you got to get up early in the morning to TRY your scheme cause trying to throw monkey wrenches in my day ain't happening!!!
Just A Little Will Do
I don't ask for much. Really I don't.
I mean, I have to be honest, I do demand respect. But that's only because I respect people to the utmost. I am one of those persons who will greet you first---a hug if the setting calls for one---and will give purely from the heart (that's not out of obligation--thank you very much).
But I don't ask for much. And just a little will do. Honestly.
This was confirmed a couple of years ago when I did a favor for my best girlfriend's friend. And when the friend asked my girlfriend how he should repay me, I heard my girlfriend tell him, "oh, you can do the simplest thing for her--she's not hard to please." I really wanted to cry. Cause after years of hearing, "you can be so difficult sometimes" it was confirmed that my girlfriend really knows my heart.
So this morning I said to myself, AGAIN, I don't ask for much.
But after spending over $200 bucks for an iPod Nano---I SAID NANO!!!---you'd think Apple could make a battery that lasted the entire measley 500 songs. I mean, why do I have to be jamming to a song and then it just stops smack dab in the middle. I mean, can't Apple program the darn thing to last until the nearest rechargeble location???? Or can they make it so that there's a recordable warning that says "you have five more songs available before recharging is needed". Or if nothing else, wait for the song to end before it just cuts off!!!
I feel like Chris Rock.........America can send rockets to the moon, but you mean to tell me we can't make a Cadillac with a bumper that doesn't fall off!!!! I mean, can't Apple make an iPod with a rechargeLESS battery???????????
No, I don't ask for much......but today I'm asking for a new iPod!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I mean, I have to be honest, I do demand respect. But that's only because I respect people to the utmost. I am one of those persons who will greet you first---a hug if the setting calls for one---and will give purely from the heart (that's not out of obligation--thank you very much).
But I don't ask for much. And just a little will do. Honestly.
This was confirmed a couple of years ago when I did a favor for my best girlfriend's friend. And when the friend asked my girlfriend how he should repay me, I heard my girlfriend tell him, "oh, you can do the simplest thing for her--she's not hard to please." I really wanted to cry. Cause after years of hearing, "you can be so difficult sometimes" it was confirmed that my girlfriend really knows my heart.
So this morning I said to myself, AGAIN, I don't ask for much.
But after spending over $200 bucks for an iPod Nano---I SAID NANO!!!---you'd think Apple could make a battery that lasted the entire measley 500 songs. I mean, why do I have to be jamming to a song and then it just stops smack dab in the middle. I mean, can't Apple program the darn thing to last until the nearest rechargeble location???? Or can they make it so that there's a recordable warning that says "you have five more songs available before recharging is needed". Or if nothing else, wait for the song to end before it just cuts off!!!
I feel like Chris Rock.........America can send rockets to the moon, but you mean to tell me we can't make a Cadillac with a bumper that doesn't fall off!!!! I mean, can't Apple make an iPod with a rechargeLESS battery???????????
No, I don't ask for much......but today I'm asking for a new iPod!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Getting Connected
Ok, I've been swamped for the last few days with work. Yesterday, it was nonstop as I was on a deep flow proofreading and editing our Annual Report to Congress. During this time of the year, when I get into "review/edit" mode I don't want to be interruped. For nothing or nobody.
So this morning I get in and am bombarded with emails responding to my suggestions and requests from the last few days. I started almost immediately replying. That's after I situated myself---putting my sweater on (it's COLD in this office!!!) and putting the straw into my sweet tea. At the same time, I opened up my 115-page report comparing, cross-checking, looking cross-eyed, and being utterly confused at some of the language used. Ok, had my morning cutout.
At about noon, I am drained. Completely drained. I mean, yesterday I was able to go all the way to 5:05p nonstop (ok, with little 5 minute breaks for lunch, bathroom, phone calls, and minor colleague interruptions). Nonetheless, I had a productive Monday and even made it to the gym, bank, and grocery store, AND chatted on the phone til about 11:00p. But its only Tuesday, and I'm worn out----at only NOON!!! I want a nap. In my bed and under my two comforters.
Then it hits me.
I'm not connected!!!!!!!!! Every morning I tune into my internet radio station http://www.pandora.com which is automatically self-set to Fred Hammond-like songs. Why didn't I log on to Pandora?????? Those darn urgent morning emails, I gripe.
At about 12:30p I'm jamming to John P. Kee's, "Show-Up" and getting my groove back. Just decided to take a short break to write in my blog (you know this is my therapy). And to grab some lunch. But my flow is back and I'm glad about it. I think I'll be able to meet my pre-deadline deadline. And maybe go to the gym. I said, MAYBE!!!!
So this morning I get in and am bombarded with emails responding to my suggestions and requests from the last few days. I started almost immediately replying. That's after I situated myself---putting my sweater on (it's COLD in this office!!!) and putting the straw into my sweet tea. At the same time, I opened up my 115-page report comparing, cross-checking, looking cross-eyed, and being utterly confused at some of the language used. Ok, had my morning cutout.
At about noon, I am drained. Completely drained. I mean, yesterday I was able to go all the way to 5:05p nonstop (ok, with little 5 minute breaks for lunch, bathroom, phone calls, and minor colleague interruptions). Nonetheless, I had a productive Monday and even made it to the gym, bank, and grocery store, AND chatted on the phone til about 11:00p. But its only Tuesday, and I'm worn out----at only NOON!!! I want a nap. In my bed and under my two comforters.
Then it hits me.
I'm not connected!!!!!!!!! Every morning I tune into my internet radio station http://www.pandora.com which is automatically self-set to Fred Hammond-like songs. Why didn't I log on to Pandora?????? Those darn urgent morning emails, I gripe.
At about 12:30p I'm jamming to John P. Kee's, "Show-Up" and getting my groove back. Just decided to take a short break to write in my blog (you know this is my therapy). And to grab some lunch. But my flow is back and I'm glad about it. I think I'll be able to meet my pre-deadline deadline. And maybe go to the gym. I said, MAYBE!!!!
Friday, June 20, 2008
Back In His Presence
I always know when I'm reaching my limit. You know that feeling.....when you've gotten so far away from the Lord's presence that you're actually running on reserved self-energy. You know like you're operating in a shell. I've been "running" for the last couple of weeks and it doesn't feel good. I know. I know. I'm ashamed about it. I mean, my daily is prayer and surrounding myself with uplifting environments. And that's all wonderful, but I've been actually neglecting intimacy with Christ. That one-on-one time with just me and Him. I guess I got so caught up in ME World and forgot that the source to sustain ME AND MY World is the Lord. No wonder I've been in such a crappy mood.
So last night it hits me.
The funny thing is that I always know when the Lord is pulling at me because I go through this isolation period. I mean, my loved ones are still around, but not. My phone doesn't ring as often, and emails are at a minimum. You know....a real dry season. And as weird as it may sound, most of my colleagues are on travel and so the office even seems desolate.
And so it hits me last night.
Ok, is it my change in routine? I actually started catching the bus to the metro again instead of paying the extra $5 a day to park. And since I've been doing that (just started this week) my evenings seem different. I mean, I go home and feel---I don't want to say lonely---but maybe bored. Actually like I have this extra boost of energy with nothing to apply it to. Maybe after getting off the metro, walking to the garage, waiting for the elevator, and winding down the 7 floors only to pay that dreaded parking fare used to drain me. Oh, when I used to drive to the metro I hardly ever went straight home. More than likely I'd stop off to somebody's store. Yeah, that can send me straight home to a hot bath and then to bed. So maybe the short 4-minute bus ride doesn't drain me as driving. Umph. Maybe.
So last night I get home and what'll you know....the cable in my area is out!!!!. Umph, no television. I decide to do the next best thing........get on the computer and surf the internet. Jill, the internet is hooked to your cable....you forgot. So I'm immediately pissed. I'm pissed at Montgomery County---the "wealthiest" county in the country!!!! First, we get a red alert that we CANNOT drink the water, and that we are on a "water-reserve" due to a water main break near my home. So all week I've been inconvienced boiling water to brush my teeth and wash my face. My laundry is piling up, and I have to replace my nice hot baths with quick showers. I mean, who wants contaminated water soaking on their body. Not my body!! So I'm pissed. I'm sitting at my desk, pissed!!! And then I start to cry.
Then it hits me!!!
The Lord's voice quietly says.....I have to do all of this just to get your attention. Then I felt bad and hurried to dry my eyes. So I walked in the living room and layed on the floor next to the sofa with my iPod. I started listening to "Overflow" by Juanita Bynum. I began to worship the Lord. And immediately I felt comfort and secure and burdenless. Everything around me became non-existent. And my tears became a flow of joy and peace. And I was feeling really good cause I was in His presence. And then a quick memory jumped into my head. A couple of weeks ago I was......well lets just say in US World and I felt like I was cheating on the Lord. And so I asked the Lord to get me back to the place where HE's first in my thoughts. And so as I was worshipping I smiled because it was Him and Him alone in my thoughts. And I was feeling it in my mind, body, and soul. And my Spirit was rejoicing. After I worshipped I made it to my bed with my Bible and began reading. I read til I drifted off to sleep.
This morning as I was waiting for my train, I didn't even realize I was dancing. I mean, I was moving like I was in church. I was wondering why people were staring at me a little weird. My iPod was blasting with.....ALL OF MY LIFE I'VE NEVER KNOWN YOU TO FAIL / YOU REMAIN THE SAME AND WONDERFUL IS YOUR NAME / FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE I'LL SERVE YOU / AND WONDERFUL IS YOUR NAME.....and I was feeling it. And made no apologies, nor did I stop. Cause I was happy!!!! And I knew that I was back where I needed to be with the Lord.
So last night it hits me.
The funny thing is that I always know when the Lord is pulling at me because I go through this isolation period. I mean, my loved ones are still around, but not. My phone doesn't ring as often, and emails are at a minimum. You know....a real dry season. And as weird as it may sound, most of my colleagues are on travel and so the office even seems desolate.
And so it hits me last night.
Ok, is it my change in routine? I actually started catching the bus to the metro again instead of paying the extra $5 a day to park. And since I've been doing that (just started this week) my evenings seem different. I mean, I go home and feel---I don't want to say lonely---but maybe bored. Actually like I have this extra boost of energy with nothing to apply it to. Maybe after getting off the metro, walking to the garage, waiting for the elevator, and winding down the 7 floors only to pay that dreaded parking fare used to drain me. Oh, when I used to drive to the metro I hardly ever went straight home. More than likely I'd stop off to somebody's store. Yeah, that can send me straight home to a hot bath and then to bed. So maybe the short 4-minute bus ride doesn't drain me as driving. Umph. Maybe.
So last night I get home and what'll you know....the cable in my area is out!!!!. Umph, no television. I decide to do the next best thing........get on the computer and surf the internet. Jill, the internet is hooked to your cable....you forgot. So I'm immediately pissed. I'm pissed at Montgomery County---the "wealthiest" county in the country!!!! First, we get a red alert that we CANNOT drink the water, and that we are on a "water-reserve" due to a water main break near my home. So all week I've been inconvienced boiling water to brush my teeth and wash my face. My laundry is piling up, and I have to replace my nice hot baths with quick showers. I mean, who wants contaminated water soaking on their body. Not my body!! So I'm pissed. I'm sitting at my desk, pissed!!! And then I start to cry.
Then it hits me!!!
The Lord's voice quietly says.....I have to do all of this just to get your attention. Then I felt bad and hurried to dry my eyes. So I walked in the living room and layed on the floor next to the sofa with my iPod. I started listening to "Overflow" by Juanita Bynum. I began to worship the Lord. And immediately I felt comfort and secure and burdenless. Everything around me became non-existent. And my tears became a flow of joy and peace. And I was feeling really good cause I was in His presence. And then a quick memory jumped into my head. A couple of weeks ago I was......well lets just say in US World and I felt like I was cheating on the Lord. And so I asked the Lord to get me back to the place where HE's first in my thoughts. And so as I was worshipping I smiled because it was Him and Him alone in my thoughts. And I was feeling it in my mind, body, and soul. And my Spirit was rejoicing. After I worshipped I made it to my bed with my Bible and began reading. I read til I drifted off to sleep.
This morning as I was waiting for my train, I didn't even realize I was dancing. I mean, I was moving like I was in church. I was wondering why people were staring at me a little weird. My iPod was blasting with.....ALL OF MY LIFE I'VE NEVER KNOWN YOU TO FAIL / YOU REMAIN THE SAME AND WONDERFUL IS YOUR NAME / FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE I'LL SERVE YOU / AND WONDERFUL IS YOUR NAME.....and I was feeling it. And made no apologies, nor did I stop. Cause I was happy!!!! And I knew that I was back where I needed to be with the Lord.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Unexpected Visitor
Today was a good day!!
Can I just say that. Especially given that yesterday I was in such a poopy poopy mood. But I got up this morning (ok, I was still in that sorta mood when I woke up), but I got up this morning determined that today was going to be a better day than yesterday. And before I could fully dress I did shed a tear---again. Don't know why. Just did. But I blame it all on needing a desperate change. Good change.
But then it hit me!!
It was just as plain as someone saying good morning. A voice spoke to me and said, "Jill no matter how you feel He's still worthy of your praise."
And so I had to repent.
I repented because I have allowed my rotten, selfish mood to block my intimacy with the Lord. How could I do that???? You talk about selfishness to the highest degree. I was there all weekend. Pitty party and all. And no one was invited. So, from that moment I got a spunk of energy and went into the office and worked my fanny off!!
At about noonish I talked myself into a bathroom break. I had been holding it for I know at least a good hour (I know--not good for the bladder). But I'm on a strict deadline to get our Annual Report to Congress and since I was......well you know about my yesterday.......I had to work double-time today.
So, I return to my desk and just as I'm nearing I hear my phone on its last ring. I run to grab it, miss, but did figure it was the security desk. So I called downstairs and the security officer said I had a visitor that was "on the way up." So I'm baffled. Real baffled because I'm located in a Federal building. I mean, I'm supposed to be secured, right? So I'm a little teed. Especially since me and dude---the security officer----is supposed to be tight. Why would he just let a "visitor" up without me having a chance to accept or reject.
So I go by the elevator to wait for my "visitor" cause not only am I curious, but I'm wondering who would have the nerve to pop in on me unannounced!!!! The elevator door opens and what'll you know..........Mrs. Shirley Saucer!!!!! I knew it had to be another Federal Government worker who could just prance through Federal buildings with an all-access badge. And even if she didn't have one, Shirley would have gotten in. No time to explain, just trust me that she would.
Shirley Saucer and I have been friends for----16 years!!! Oh my goodness........16 years!!!! I am actually the God-mother to her daughter, little Schley (my sister's name is Schley, too). I was actually friends with her husband, Junior, first. But as any good wife (and in my case---a really good friend) we accepted each other and became closer than me and her husband. Ok, Junior's mad at me. He's been mad at me for years. I know he still loves me, but he says I only come around when I need to cry on their shoulders. So not true. Ok, maybe back then in the nineties. But I've grown up now. I really have--lolol.
But I love them so much. They my friends. Oh, and I can't forget, Louis, Shirley's brother. He was my real estate mentor and years ago he helped me seal my first deal making a whopping $7,000 in 25 days!! Man, talk about memories..............with the Saucers. Straight up fun and laughter, laughter, laughter.....and more laughter.
It was good seeing Shirley today. She didn't stay long. Said she was at a meeting in the area and decided to stop by to see me. Awww, how thoughtful. But I think the Lord had her stop by so that I could be reminded of the many blessings He has ALREADY bestowed upon me. And so I accept it and preserve it.
So today was a good day. And tomorrow will be too!
Can I just say that. Especially given that yesterday I was in such a poopy poopy mood. But I got up this morning (ok, I was still in that sorta mood when I woke up), but I got up this morning determined that today was going to be a better day than yesterday. And before I could fully dress I did shed a tear---again. Don't know why. Just did. But I blame it all on needing a desperate change. Good change.
But then it hit me!!
It was just as plain as someone saying good morning. A voice spoke to me and said, "Jill no matter how you feel He's still worthy of your praise."
And so I had to repent.
I repented because I have allowed my rotten, selfish mood to block my intimacy with the Lord. How could I do that???? You talk about selfishness to the highest degree. I was there all weekend. Pitty party and all. And no one was invited. So, from that moment I got a spunk of energy and went into the office and worked my fanny off!!
At about noonish I talked myself into a bathroom break. I had been holding it for I know at least a good hour (I know--not good for the bladder). But I'm on a strict deadline to get our Annual Report to Congress and since I was......well you know about my yesterday.......I had to work double-time today.
So, I return to my desk and just as I'm nearing I hear my phone on its last ring. I run to grab it, miss, but did figure it was the security desk. So I called downstairs and the security officer said I had a visitor that was "on the way up." So I'm baffled. Real baffled because I'm located in a Federal building. I mean, I'm supposed to be secured, right? So I'm a little teed. Especially since me and dude---the security officer----is supposed to be tight. Why would he just let a "visitor" up without me having a chance to accept or reject.
So I go by the elevator to wait for my "visitor" cause not only am I curious, but I'm wondering who would have the nerve to pop in on me unannounced!!!! The elevator door opens and what'll you know..........Mrs. Shirley Saucer!!!!! I knew it had to be another Federal Government worker who could just prance through Federal buildings with an all-access badge. And even if she didn't have one, Shirley would have gotten in. No time to explain, just trust me that she would.
Shirley Saucer and I have been friends for----16 years!!! Oh my goodness........16 years!!!! I am actually the God-mother to her daughter, little Schley (my sister's name is Schley, too). I was actually friends with her husband, Junior, first. But as any good wife (and in my case---a really good friend) we accepted each other and became closer than me and her husband. Ok, Junior's mad at me. He's been mad at me for years. I know he still loves me, but he says I only come around when I need to cry on their shoulders. So not true. Ok, maybe back then in the nineties. But I've grown up now. I really have--lolol.
But I love them so much. They my friends. Oh, and I can't forget, Louis, Shirley's brother. He was my real estate mentor and years ago he helped me seal my first deal making a whopping $7,000 in 25 days!! Man, talk about memories..............with the Saucers. Straight up fun and laughter, laughter, laughter.....and more laughter.
It was good seeing Shirley today. She didn't stay long. Said she was at a meeting in the area and decided to stop by to see me. Awww, how thoughtful. But I think the Lord had her stop by so that I could be reminded of the many blessings He has ALREADY bestowed upon me. And so I accept it and preserve it.
So today was a good day. And tomorrow will be too!
Monday, June 16, 2008
Monday Blues
I am in one of those moods!!! A blah mood. A whatever mood.
In fact, its been like this for the past several days. You know that feeling where you just want to take a seat on the side of life's road--ALONE????? And it gets worse. You don't want to move forward, nor backward. You just want to.....stop. And maybe crawl up under a rock for a minute. Sometimes I just want time to stand still for an hour so that I can rest. Just for a short while and then I'll have enough umph to resume...........................down life's road.
But this is so unlike me cause if not sprinting down the "road", I can usually maintain a steady pace. Enough to enjoy the sights as I'm drifting by life. And happy enough to wave at a few people who are just strolling. Shucks, I'm usually perky enough to put a downer on my back to at least help them to the next crossroad. But today, and the last couple of days, I've been barely walking myself.
A couple of days ago it was so bad that I not only took a seat on life's road, but I had the nerve to take a nap and dared anybody to wake me. Sometimes it just gets like that. Is it weariness? Umph!! I don't like to be like this. Just blues for the heck of it. Feeling purposeless. No productivity. Somebody asked me how I was doing and all I could say was, "It's proven that God's grace and mercy is real because I know that's the only thing carrying me these days." Can't say that anybody did anything to me. I'm mean, the bills are paid. Family is happy. Friends are good. Nothing's wrong. It's just............ But His Word says, He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. So I'm getting up and out. And maybe will go to the gym this evening. I said maybe.
In fact, its been like this for the past several days. You know that feeling where you just want to take a seat on the side of life's road--ALONE????? And it gets worse. You don't want to move forward, nor backward. You just want to.....stop. And maybe crawl up under a rock for a minute. Sometimes I just want time to stand still for an hour so that I can rest. Just for a short while and then I'll have enough umph to resume...........................down life's road.
But this is so unlike me cause if not sprinting down the "road", I can usually maintain a steady pace. Enough to enjoy the sights as I'm drifting by life. And happy enough to wave at a few people who are just strolling. Shucks, I'm usually perky enough to put a downer on my back to at least help them to the next crossroad. But today, and the last couple of days, I've been barely walking myself.
A couple of days ago it was so bad that I not only took a seat on life's road, but I had the nerve to take a nap and dared anybody to wake me. Sometimes it just gets like that. Is it weariness? Umph!! I don't like to be like this. Just blues for the heck of it. Feeling purposeless. No productivity. Somebody asked me how I was doing and all I could say was, "It's proven that God's grace and mercy is real because I know that's the only thing carrying me these days." Can't say that anybody did anything to me. I'm mean, the bills are paid. Family is happy. Friends are good. Nothing's wrong. It's just............ But His Word says, He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. So I'm getting up and out. And maybe will go to the gym this evening. I said maybe.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
I'm A Photographer!!!!
“Jill Morris is an AWESOME young lady! She really came through for me in a number of ways on this trip and I’m so grateful for that. As you can see, she’s not too shabby behind the camera either. She accompanied me to the Gorge and while I carried around the XTi, she wielded the SD400 like a pro. She said “Oh I’ve got to shoot the photographer doing his thing!” --pete taylor
The photos are in and I am an OFFICIAL photographer!! Ok, at least I'd like to think so. Maybe in a year or two. I'll definitely keep you posted---lolol.
But a couple of weeks ago I attended a conference in Portland, OR and had the honor to accompany my colleague (Pete Taylor) on a photo expedition. The conference had ended early one afternoon and Pete, a SUPERFABULOUS photographer, asked if I had plans. When he said he wanted to shoot some photos at the Columbia River Gorge, I immediately hopped on board.
This is the link to my work (the photos of Pete ONLY--as well as his work)
http://www.flickr.com/photos/psoup216/sets/72157605158459826/, but my work does no justice to his portfolio at http://www.flickr.com/photos/psoup216/collections/.
Just so you know, Pete Taylor is from the Washington, DC Metro area (but he will travel to you for the right price!--yes tell him Jill said so!), his prices are competitive, and if you like what you see you better book him now cause soon his schedule will be ridiculous. Enjoy!
Silver and Gold
I heard an old song on the radio this morning that brought back a lot of memories. It was Kirk Franklin’s song, Silver and Gold. I think it brought back memories cause during the time of that release, back in the early nineties, I was going through so many transitions in my life. So it brought back lots and lots of memories as I was singing.....silver and gold, silver and gold, I’d rather have Jesus than silver and gold.
But as I was listening to the song (this thought always comes to mind even when I used to listen to it back then) I started thinking…..hmmm who would REALLY rather have Jesus than silver and gold? I mean, the thought and the gesture is nice, but really. Shucks, I’d be the first to admit that I want both!! But if you put millions of dollars in front of a single parent living from paycheck-to-paycheck and tell him/her to choose either the money or trust the Lord that He will continue to provide what do you think the AVERAGE person (single parent or not) would pick?????
So I’m thinking....when could you really determine if a person (or be it personal) is up against choosing Jesus over silver or gold (money)???? I mean, the idea is nice, but do you REALLY REALLY think that a person in these struggling times would deny monetary gain???? I mean, if somebody laid an abundance of money in front of ANY Christian I think we’d find a way to justify it whether we’d say it was a financial miracle or the Lord is testing to see if we’d do the right thing with the money. But what if we were given a choice to choose the money or the Bible? And that’s provided that we didn’t have any Bibles in our possession or access to any. What would we really choose? Ok, I can hear some now……."See if I had the money I could buy lots of Bibles!!!" But really, what if that were not the case, what would we choose?
So my mind was on overdrive thinking and feeling a little sad that we have been programmed to being these money-driven hounds. I’m surely guilty of it cause in these broke days……if someone put a couple hundred dollars in my possession I’m taking it and running straight to the nearest store---thank you very much!
But then it hit me! It hit me like a ton of bricks. Ok, anybody who knows me knows that I handle my business whether its business development, marketing/promotions, negotiating, management/administration….any aspects of business. And I’ve created a great career surrounding business. I’ve even managed to obtain several real estate licenses which have provided quite a few luxuries. My business skills, if I may say so myself, are priceless. I can dissect a contract to its finest detail and walk away with the deal. And I can end a meeting with favor in my corner. Perhaps I got it from my mother, who is a business owner and quite good at her craft (our pastor used to tell her that she can sell ice to an eskimo). Or maybe it’s a combination of my experience and education. I don’t know. I just know that I’m a businesswoman. But the funny thing is….I’m not financially motivated. I’m socially motivated. To the core. But a lot of people don't realize that. One of my friends used to ask me all the time….."Why aren't you a millionaire cause you have so much tenacity and you’re so driven?" Good question.
So I get to the metro and after thinking about money, and silver and gold, and thinking if I’d really rather have Jesus over money……I honestly would have to say YES!! Yes, I’d rather have Jesus than silver and gold. You see, for me making money is draining. And even after closing a deal on a home, it feels like life has been sucked out of me. It actually takes me a couple weeks to recuperate. Big check in hand and all, it almost feels like I’ve sold a part of me to make the deal work. But tell me to plan a church event, and I can go running nonstop. People getting on my nerves and all….I’m on a mission. God’s mission.
A couple of months ago, I co-planned a charity fair---NO PAY. And I’m telling you it was so successful. I left feeling so fulfilled like I had made a difference. I can’t even explain the….rejuvenation and exhilaration it gave me. And so I often ask myself if I can have any type of business in this world what would it be? The immediate answer is a thriving public relations firm. Then I switch and say.....a record label. Then I say, maybe I can have my own real estate brokerage agency. But deep down inside…..I really want a nonprofit agency that serves in ministry. Umph. Maybe that’s why I chose to pursue an M.S.A. in Nonprofit Management over an M.B.A. in Marketing. Hmmm…..I guess I would rather have Jesus than silver and gold. And that's why my all time favorite scripture is..... "For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?" ---Mark 8:36
But as I was listening to the song (this thought always comes to mind even when I used to listen to it back then) I started thinking…..hmmm who would REALLY rather have Jesus than silver and gold? I mean, the thought and the gesture is nice, but really. Shucks, I’d be the first to admit that I want both!! But if you put millions of dollars in front of a single parent living from paycheck-to-paycheck and tell him/her to choose either the money or trust the Lord that He will continue to provide what do you think the AVERAGE person (single parent or not) would pick?????
So I’m thinking....when could you really determine if a person (or be it personal) is up against choosing Jesus over silver or gold (money)???? I mean, the idea is nice, but do you REALLY REALLY think that a person in these struggling times would deny monetary gain???? I mean, if somebody laid an abundance of money in front of ANY Christian I think we’d find a way to justify it whether we’d say it was a financial miracle or the Lord is testing to see if we’d do the right thing with the money. But what if we were given a choice to choose the money or the Bible? And that’s provided that we didn’t have any Bibles in our possession or access to any. What would we really choose? Ok, I can hear some now……."See if I had the money I could buy lots of Bibles!!!" But really, what if that were not the case, what would we choose?
So my mind was on overdrive thinking and feeling a little sad that we have been programmed to being these money-driven hounds. I’m surely guilty of it cause in these broke days……if someone put a couple hundred dollars in my possession I’m taking it and running straight to the nearest store---thank you very much!
But then it hit me! It hit me like a ton of bricks. Ok, anybody who knows me knows that I handle my business whether its business development, marketing/promotions, negotiating, management/administration….any aspects of business. And I’ve created a great career surrounding business. I’ve even managed to obtain several real estate licenses which have provided quite a few luxuries. My business skills, if I may say so myself, are priceless. I can dissect a contract to its finest detail and walk away with the deal. And I can end a meeting with favor in my corner. Perhaps I got it from my mother, who is a business owner and quite good at her craft (our pastor used to tell her that she can sell ice to an eskimo). Or maybe it’s a combination of my experience and education. I don’t know. I just know that I’m a businesswoman. But the funny thing is….I’m not financially motivated. I’m socially motivated. To the core. But a lot of people don't realize that. One of my friends used to ask me all the time….."Why aren't you a millionaire cause you have so much tenacity and you’re so driven?" Good question.
So I get to the metro and after thinking about money, and silver and gold, and thinking if I’d really rather have Jesus over money……I honestly would have to say YES!! Yes, I’d rather have Jesus than silver and gold. You see, for me making money is draining. And even after closing a deal on a home, it feels like life has been sucked out of me. It actually takes me a couple weeks to recuperate. Big check in hand and all, it almost feels like I’ve sold a part of me to make the deal work. But tell me to plan a church event, and I can go running nonstop. People getting on my nerves and all….I’m on a mission. God’s mission.
A couple of months ago, I co-planned a charity fair---NO PAY. And I’m telling you it was so successful. I left feeling so fulfilled like I had made a difference. I can’t even explain the….rejuvenation and exhilaration it gave me. And so I often ask myself if I can have any type of business in this world what would it be? The immediate answer is a thriving public relations firm. Then I switch and say.....a record label. Then I say, maybe I can have my own real estate brokerage agency. But deep down inside…..I really want a nonprofit agency that serves in ministry. Umph. Maybe that’s why I chose to pursue an M.S.A. in Nonprofit Management over an M.B.A. in Marketing. Hmmm…..I guess I would rather have Jesus than silver and gold. And that's why my all time favorite scripture is..... "For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?" ---Mark 8:36
Sunday, June 8, 2008
Feeling Lousy, but I'm Healed!!!
Ok, I'm trying to figure out if I want the cold or the heat. According to the weather channel it is just below 100 degrees in Maryland, and in my house the thermometer is reading a cold 63 degrees. I woke up this morning feeling lousy--bones are aching---cause the cold air is blowing down on my body (gotta fix that). But if I don't get enough air my sinuses will kick my butt.
So I jumped up with my arms in my nightshirt and got ready for church cause I needed a refreshing (missed last Sunday due to the wedding) . I couldn't wait to walk out the door this morning just to feel a slight bit of warmth. And as soon as I got out, I felt it. Wooziness. Why its got to be so darn hot!!!! And at 10:00a in the freaking morning!!! I think that's why I love California. Perfect weather. At least all the times I've been.
But I returned home eager to feel my air and what'll you know as soon as I walked in the front door my body started aching again. So now I'm in a mad dash to the medicine cabinet for some Tylenol Sinus, but I'm freezing and I'm still nursing the limp from twisting my ankle at the wedding last week. I'm in bad shape I'm thinking. But I'm healed and I know I'm healed.
So I take my pills and put on a long-sleeved thermal shirt, sweat pants, and some thick socks and I curl up into the bed with some fruit salad. Next thing you know I'm knocked out. Didn't wake up until I heard my cell phone buzzing at 5:30p.
So I jumped up with my arms in my nightshirt and got ready for church cause I needed a refreshing (missed last Sunday due to the wedding) . I couldn't wait to walk out the door this morning just to feel a slight bit of warmth. And as soon as I got out, I felt it. Wooziness. Why its got to be so darn hot!!!! And at 10:00a in the freaking morning!!! I think that's why I love California. Perfect weather. At least all the times I've been.
But I returned home eager to feel my air and what'll you know as soon as I walked in the front door my body started aching again. So now I'm in a mad dash to the medicine cabinet for some Tylenol Sinus, but I'm freezing and I'm still nursing the limp from twisting my ankle at the wedding last week. I'm in bad shape I'm thinking. But I'm healed and I know I'm healed.
So I take my pills and put on a long-sleeved thermal shirt, sweat pants, and some thick socks and I curl up into the bed with some fruit salad. Next thing you know I'm knocked out. Didn't wake up until I heard my cell phone buzzing at 5:30p.
Saturday, June 7, 2008
Friday, June 6, 2008
Let Go, Let God....?????
Ok, if I get one more “Let it Go” or “Let Go, Let God” cliché marketing-catch email I am going to scream!!! Now don’t get me wrong, I love both statements and have incorporated both into my personal development, but to me they are being overly misused---especially by the unbelieving doubters who are originating them.
So let me try to break this down to you cause letting go always seems to be attached to a problem or potentially negative situation.
I’m going to start with the “Let God” part first because if you want to truly receive the benefits of any statement like this you got to first start with God. The Word says that the Lord is the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. And there is no way you can end an action with “God”, and not start with Him. (As a side note…..only because I have followed this brother since the John P. Kee days……let me remind folk that DeWayne Woods, the famous singer of the popular song Let Go, Let God, has a personal relationship with the Lord and that’s why he can sing the song with integrity and power). Soooo, the first thing you need to know is that if you don’t have a relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ then using the statement Let Go, Let God will not be effective.
T.D. Jakes puts it best---ironically in his message this week of Let It Go. He said that someone approached him about a business venture partnership for some invention that the person felt him and Jakes could make successful. And so Jakes responded to the person although I think your invention would be useful to the consumer the problem is…..I don’t know you!!! And that’s the real issue. We want to “solicit” God only when we can’t handle or control a situation. But do you KNOW God??? Do you have a TRUE relationship with Him??? If not, then why are we using His name in vain??? The statement…Let Go, Let God is becoming admonition, or should I say ammunition, to our problems. But the real funny thing is that some of us, yeah I’m guilty of it too, use the statement as an empowering piece like "I’ve moved on from you now cause I'm maturer" or "I’m above the situation now". But are we really????
This brings me to the next part…. “Let Go”. Umph, umph, umph. Letting go is so so personal and has nothing to do with anybody but you (or let me use me since I'm "preaching" to myself here as well). I don’t care how much someone says to me “girl just let go" or I say to myself "I'm just letting go" if I haven’t applied God’s Word internally, then that statement is what its proving to be……..a cliché.
So how do we really let go? I mean, I’d be the first to admit that sometimes it’s easier said than done. I mean, for instance a couple being married for umpteen years and the husband walks out…to tell the wife to just let go can be easier said than done. I mean, just looking at her children is a constant reminder of her husband. How does she just let go? Is there an on/off switch that we have hidden in our heart and minds????? That’s why it’s so important to have a relationship with Christ and accepting his Word because I'm learning through His Word that letting go means:
1. Accepting Responsibility. Ok, this first part is a personal challenge because I can have a lot of pride especially when I feel I’m right about a situation. But it takes two to tango and I would have to admit that part of a potential problem could be me. So what I usually do almost immediately is apologize whether I feel I’m right or whether I’m wrong. I simply apologize. Then I deal with my issues and try not to worry whether the other party is dealing with their issues or whether they should apologize too. And so my issues can mean removing unforgiveness, and hostility, and grudge, and ill-feelings.
2. Cleansing my heart. I also repent and ask the Lord to forgive me for whatever I’ve done cause a lot of times we don’t know how an issue starts, how it escalated, nor where it is going. And so I ask the Lord to remove the issue from disrupting my heart--feelings of sadness and depression and guilt. I also ask the Lord to refill me with His Holy Spirit. This is so important because the Word says that the fruits of His Spirit are love, peace, self-control, patience, kindness, joy, forgiveness, meekness, and happiness. And if you really want vindication from a situation then you have to be filled with HIS SPIRIT. Forget what you heard!! And NO, you don't know love until you have experienced God's love. These fruits are beared when we are filled. And I be needing these fruits for my nourishment--lol. I rely on these daily.
3. Renewing my mind. Then I stop thinking negative thoughts of doubt and revenge and what-ifs and wondering what’s going to happen tomorrow and rehearsing in my mind the argument or picking an argument in my mind---yeah we all do it, lolol. The negative thinking has to be destroyed. So in times like these I read my Word, and write in my journal, and listen to uplifting music, and try to watch positive television programs. And I’m not saying it’s easy, but I put a conscious effort into redirecting my thoughts. I occupy my mind with positive exercises and avoid thinking on the issue at hand.
4. Proceeding in faith. At the same time I just trust God. In most situations I don’t know what’s going to happen from minute-to-minute, but what I do is walk in faith for His Word tells me that He’s got my back. And so even when the situation at hand looks its grimmest it doesn’t matter cause I trust that God’s grace and mercy and protection and love will carry me through. And unfortunately, sometimes after we've done all we can do the situation seems to not work in our favor. Walking in faith means that the Lord has it in His control whatever the outcome is and we have to just be obedient and trust that He's setting us up for something spectacular! His Word tell us that all things work together for the GOOD of those who loves Him.
5. Creating a peaceful environment. This is so important to me. When negative situations arise in my life if I can just get home I will feel so much better. My home is my peaceful haven and so I go home and cry out to the Lord, and then I sit still so that I can hear His voice. And sometimes the Lord will drop in my spirit “Jill you were wrong--now go and apologize” or He may say “Jill I have removed that person from your life because they were blocking my will for your life”. And so His peace puts me in a place where it’s not a matter of me letting go of a situation, but understanding and accepting that He took a situation away.
6. Accepting Counsel. Umph, umph!!! This has taken me awhile to develop---or should I say allow the Lord to develop---but I now feel that I have a support group in my life comprised of family and friends who FIRST have a relationship with the Lord and second who have my best interest at heart. And so I can rely on them to tell me the truth and not just tell me what I want to hear when situations arise. So for me sometimes a part of the letting go process means accepting the opinions of my loved ones since I trust that they will come from an objectional point of view. And just being in their company where I can laugh, uplift and be uplifted, and learn. A lot of times I walk away from a family event and forget about the situation at hand.
7. Embracing Life. And then, I simply continue living. I try not to let a situation or problem interrupt family/friends time or my work or more importantly my time with the Lord. I remember a couple of years ago I had a disagreement with my bestfriend. It was the day before I was going on a cruise with my sisters and she says to me… “Why don’t you take time to think about [the issue] and how we should handle it while you’re on vacation”. Um, NOT! Not to say that I wasn’t going to deal with the issue, but I refuse to let a situation interrupt the blessing the Lord has given me. There’s a time and a place to deal with issues and so I’m learning to put them in its proper place and handle them accordingly. And for the instance with my bestfriend, I returned home and completely forgot what the issue was!!! Shucks, next thing I knew she and I were planning a cruise together. This type of letting go just simply took an out-of-sight, out-of-mind type of resolution.
But these seven approaches are how I handle my situations and may not work for you, but they help me a great deal. I mean on a daily I exercise these even when there isn't a "situation".
So to all those sistah-friends (I still love yal!) who continue sending these emails, we must keep in mind (and in our hearts) that letting go does not mean we shut people out, or shut down our feelings, or run from a situation…..letting go simply means surrendering and submitting to God’s authority.
So let me try to break this down to you cause letting go always seems to be attached to a problem or potentially negative situation.
I’m going to start with the “Let God” part first because if you want to truly receive the benefits of any statement like this you got to first start with God. The Word says that the Lord is the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. And there is no way you can end an action with “God”, and not start with Him. (As a side note…..only because I have followed this brother since the John P. Kee days……let me remind folk that DeWayne Woods, the famous singer of the popular song Let Go, Let God, has a personal relationship with the Lord and that’s why he can sing the song with integrity and power). Soooo, the first thing you need to know is that if you don’t have a relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ then using the statement Let Go, Let God will not be effective.
T.D. Jakes puts it best---ironically in his message this week of Let It Go. He said that someone approached him about a business venture partnership for some invention that the person felt him and Jakes could make successful. And so Jakes responded to the person although I think your invention would be useful to the consumer the problem is…..I don’t know you!!! And that’s the real issue. We want to “solicit” God only when we can’t handle or control a situation. But do you KNOW God??? Do you have a TRUE relationship with Him??? If not, then why are we using His name in vain??? The statement…Let Go, Let God is becoming admonition, or should I say ammunition, to our problems. But the real funny thing is that some of us, yeah I’m guilty of it too, use the statement as an empowering piece like "I’ve moved on from you now cause I'm maturer" or "I’m above the situation now". But are we really????
This brings me to the next part…. “Let Go”. Umph, umph, umph. Letting go is so so personal and has nothing to do with anybody but you (or let me use me since I'm "preaching" to myself here as well). I don’t care how much someone says to me “girl just let go" or I say to myself "I'm just letting go" if I haven’t applied God’s Word internally, then that statement is what its proving to be……..a cliché.
So how do we really let go? I mean, I’d be the first to admit that sometimes it’s easier said than done. I mean, for instance a couple being married for umpteen years and the husband walks out…to tell the wife to just let go can be easier said than done. I mean, just looking at her children is a constant reminder of her husband. How does she just let go? Is there an on/off switch that we have hidden in our heart and minds????? That’s why it’s so important to have a relationship with Christ and accepting his Word because I'm learning through His Word that letting go means:
1. Accepting Responsibility. Ok, this first part is a personal challenge because I can have a lot of pride especially when I feel I’m right about a situation. But it takes two to tango and I would have to admit that part of a potential problem could be me. So what I usually do almost immediately is apologize whether I feel I’m right or whether I’m wrong. I simply apologize. Then I deal with my issues and try not to worry whether the other party is dealing with their issues or whether they should apologize too. And so my issues can mean removing unforgiveness, and hostility, and grudge, and ill-feelings.
2. Cleansing my heart. I also repent and ask the Lord to forgive me for whatever I’ve done cause a lot of times we don’t know how an issue starts, how it escalated, nor where it is going. And so I ask the Lord to remove the issue from disrupting my heart--feelings of sadness and depression and guilt. I also ask the Lord to refill me with His Holy Spirit. This is so important because the Word says that the fruits of His Spirit are love, peace, self-control, patience, kindness, joy, forgiveness, meekness, and happiness. And if you really want vindication from a situation then you have to be filled with HIS SPIRIT. Forget what you heard!! And NO, you don't know love until you have experienced God's love. These fruits are beared when we are filled. And I be needing these fruits for my nourishment--lol. I rely on these daily.
3. Renewing my mind. Then I stop thinking negative thoughts of doubt and revenge and what-ifs and wondering what’s going to happen tomorrow and rehearsing in my mind the argument or picking an argument in my mind---yeah we all do it, lolol. The negative thinking has to be destroyed. So in times like these I read my Word, and write in my journal, and listen to uplifting music, and try to watch positive television programs. And I’m not saying it’s easy, but I put a conscious effort into redirecting my thoughts. I occupy my mind with positive exercises and avoid thinking on the issue at hand.
4. Proceeding in faith. At the same time I just trust God. In most situations I don’t know what’s going to happen from minute-to-minute, but what I do is walk in faith for His Word tells me that He’s got my back. And so even when the situation at hand looks its grimmest it doesn’t matter cause I trust that God’s grace and mercy and protection and love will carry me through. And unfortunately, sometimes after we've done all we can do the situation seems to not work in our favor. Walking in faith means that the Lord has it in His control whatever the outcome is and we have to just be obedient and trust that He's setting us up for something spectacular! His Word tell us that all things work together for the GOOD of those who loves Him.
5. Creating a peaceful environment. This is so important to me. When negative situations arise in my life if I can just get home I will feel so much better. My home is my peaceful haven and so I go home and cry out to the Lord, and then I sit still so that I can hear His voice. And sometimes the Lord will drop in my spirit “Jill you were wrong--now go and apologize” or He may say “Jill I have removed that person from your life because they were blocking my will for your life”. And so His peace puts me in a place where it’s not a matter of me letting go of a situation, but understanding and accepting that He took a situation away.
6. Accepting Counsel. Umph, umph!!! This has taken me awhile to develop---or should I say allow the Lord to develop---but I now feel that I have a support group in my life comprised of family and friends who FIRST have a relationship with the Lord and second who have my best interest at heart. And so I can rely on them to tell me the truth and not just tell me what I want to hear when situations arise. So for me sometimes a part of the letting go process means accepting the opinions of my loved ones since I trust that they will come from an objectional point of view. And just being in their company where I can laugh, uplift and be uplifted, and learn. A lot of times I walk away from a family event and forget about the situation at hand.
7. Embracing Life. And then, I simply continue living. I try not to let a situation or problem interrupt family/friends time or my work or more importantly my time with the Lord. I remember a couple of years ago I had a disagreement with my bestfriend. It was the day before I was going on a cruise with my sisters and she says to me… “Why don’t you take time to think about [the issue] and how we should handle it while you’re on vacation”. Um, NOT! Not to say that I wasn’t going to deal with the issue, but I refuse to let a situation interrupt the blessing the Lord has given me. There’s a time and a place to deal with issues and so I’m learning to put them in its proper place and handle them accordingly. And for the instance with my bestfriend, I returned home and completely forgot what the issue was!!! Shucks, next thing I knew she and I were planning a cruise together. This type of letting go just simply took an out-of-sight, out-of-mind type of resolution.
But these seven approaches are how I handle my situations and may not work for you, but they help me a great deal. I mean on a daily I exercise these even when there isn't a "situation".
So to all those sistah-friends (I still love yal!) who continue sending these emails, we must keep in mind (and in our hearts) that letting go does not mean we shut people out, or shut down our feelings, or run from a situation…..letting go simply means surrendering and submitting to God’s authority.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Blackout in Maryland
Ok, so I should’ve taken clue to the blackout madness when it took an “extra” few minutes to pull into my final metro stop last night. When we arrived, there was no electricity. It’s a good thing there was still some daylight cause if not it would have been a nightmare getting Kay out of the seven-tier garage. And I would be on seven.
But I didn’t put two and two together and remained focused on stopping at the Giant to make my "really big salad" from my favorite salad bar. I was hungry and I even cut my workout short, YES I DID, because I was hungry. Ok, actually starving.
So I’m driving down Shady Grove Road and notice that all of the street lights were out. I turn at my street and then noticed that the gas station was closed. Then I turned the corner and my heart broke…..the Giant was pitched black with a CLOSED sign on the window. “How can the grocery store be closed???” Still not putting two and two together that I was going home to darkness cause by this time my hunger had went up ten notches. You would have thought I hadn’t eaten lunch---and a snack (I think two or three), but I felt famished. So what do I do…….started driving.
I’m driving and driving and driving, and forgetting the fact that I am running up my $4.29/gallon gas. But I’m hungry and when I’m hungry I could do the impossible to get just even a forkful of food. At about 20 minutes into my drive I realize that the entire Gaithersburg is experiencing a blackout. So what!!! I’m hungry!!! Next city!!!
So I call directory assistance to get the number to Bloomingdales in White Flint Mall cause I know the mall has to be on a generator or some type of back-up system. And even if I have to pay $15 for an over-priced mall salad I certainly will. Nope. The store attendant informed me that the phones were forwarded to their store in Kansas-somewhere due to the power-outage in Maryland. I’m like bugging out. You mean to tell me that Rockville Pike is shut down???!!! Impossible. So I start driving cause I wasn’t taking no for an answer. And so I’m driving in the heavy, pouring rain buckets by this time and what’ll you know……..there was a strip of stores between two traffic lights that had power. And included in that strip was a Wendy’s!!! So I pulled into the Wendy’s drive-thru line of about 20 cars and waited eagerly for my spicy chicken sandwich combo. When the attendant handed me that bag I’m telling you…I felt like the luckiest person in the world!!! It was the best chicken sandwich I ever had!!!
But then reality hit and I made it home just before night fell. And when I put the key in the door it was complete darkness. I stumbled around for matches to light at least one of the many candles I own and when the little light started to flicker I felt peace. But then I started thinking to myself…….Jill, you take so much for granted. Cause I have to be honest, I was pissed at being inconvenienced. And then I thought about my cousin who just brought her newborn home from the hospital on Tuesday. I wondered if they too were in the dark. So I began to thank God for His grace and mercy, and all of the blessings that He’s bestowed upon me. And then I thought…..how in the world could Metro manage to still have all of the farecard machines working??????
But I didn’t put two and two together and remained focused on stopping at the Giant to make my "really big salad" from my favorite salad bar. I was hungry and I even cut my workout short, YES I DID, because I was hungry. Ok, actually starving.
So I’m driving down Shady Grove Road and notice that all of the street lights were out. I turn at my street and then noticed that the gas station was closed. Then I turned the corner and my heart broke…..the Giant was pitched black with a CLOSED sign on the window. “How can the grocery store be closed???” Still not putting two and two together that I was going home to darkness cause by this time my hunger had went up ten notches. You would have thought I hadn’t eaten lunch---and a snack (I think two or three), but I felt famished. So what do I do…….started driving.
I’m driving and driving and driving, and forgetting the fact that I am running up my $4.29/gallon gas. But I’m hungry and when I’m hungry I could do the impossible to get just even a forkful of food. At about 20 minutes into my drive I realize that the entire Gaithersburg is experiencing a blackout. So what!!! I’m hungry!!! Next city!!!
So I call directory assistance to get the number to Bloomingdales in White Flint Mall cause I know the mall has to be on a generator or some type of back-up system. And even if I have to pay $15 for an over-priced mall salad I certainly will. Nope. The store attendant informed me that the phones were forwarded to their store in Kansas-somewhere due to the power-outage in Maryland. I’m like bugging out. You mean to tell me that Rockville Pike is shut down???!!! Impossible. So I start driving cause I wasn’t taking no for an answer. And so I’m driving in the heavy, pouring rain buckets by this time and what’ll you know……..there was a strip of stores between two traffic lights that had power. And included in that strip was a Wendy’s!!! So I pulled into the Wendy’s drive-thru line of about 20 cars and waited eagerly for my spicy chicken sandwich combo. When the attendant handed me that bag I’m telling you…I felt like the luckiest person in the world!!! It was the best chicken sandwich I ever had!!!
But then reality hit and I made it home just before night fell. And when I put the key in the door it was complete darkness. I stumbled around for matches to light at least one of the many candles I own and when the little light started to flicker I felt peace. But then I started thinking to myself…….Jill, you take so much for granted. Cause I have to be honest, I was pissed at being inconvenienced. And then I thought about my cousin who just brought her newborn home from the hospital on Tuesday. I wondered if they too were in the dark. So I began to thank God for His grace and mercy, and all of the blessings that He’s bestowed upon me. And then I thought…..how in the world could Metro manage to still have all of the farecard machines working??????
Sunday, June 1, 2008
Rain, Rain Go Away
Ok, so my little brother got married on yesterday. And the family came out of the woodwork. It's bad enough that our immediate family is about a good fifty, but then with our in-laws' family (cause they don't miss our family functions), occassional relatives, and friends and their friends, and the Bride's family and friends it pretty much packed out the Bride's aunt yard.
Just a small backyard wedding with just our immediate family and a few close friends was what my brother said when he announced the happy news back in March. As I looked around I couldn't believe the crowd. The yard, a nice size I might add, was packed! I wanted to say he was wrong, but when I looked over the photos this afternoon he was right. Unfortunately, it's just a lot of us and we can run up the numbers so easily. But we had a good time to say the least. We always do. Everytime my family come together we come up with a list of things that made us laugh throughout the festivities. The Oscar would have to go to my Aunt Pat who managed to bust my sister out in front of her "new" friend. I want to say it had something to do with what was in her cup, but then again Aunt Pat don't need nothing to say what is on her mind.
The Bride.......stunning!! The Groom......the Groom. Only Brian could make a grand entrance to a standing ovation as if he were the Bride. He's just loved. What can I say. He comes from a loving family. I'd like to take the credit, but it is a joint venture. And that's why so many people are drawn to our family.
Ok, so we thought the day was doomed when we got up Saturday morning to thunder boomers, tornado warnings, and buckets of rain pouring down on the garden that was supposed to be the backdrop of a love nest. Phone calls were flying all day. Even from family that was driving down from New York. "Is it raining there cause it's raining like cats and dogs where we are." And then I get the dramatized phone call from my sister........"Jill, oh my goodness the thunder is shaking the house. D'Asia get away from the window before you get struck by lightening!!!!!!!!!!! Even as I was getting my nails done and the Asian guy doing them responded with......aw man!!!......when I told him my brother's wedding was outside at 5:00p. When there was a glimpse of no rain, all the patrons in the shop cheered. But as soon as I pulled into my parking lot it started again.
As we drove to the wedding site, the rain got heavier and heavier. When I got out my car I grabbed my jacket and umbrella cause I figured we would be standing in the rain for a quick hot second just to witness the vows. But I'm telling you......God is faithful. Call me crazy, but I never pray for things like.....Lord, stop the rain only because I've come to believe that nature is just as much a blessing as it is a hindrance. But I was desperate because we had received word that the Bride wanted to move the wedding to the basement. Ok, I didn't go down there, but my sister described it as the size of her master bedroom. Her bedroom may be huge for just her and her husband, but for 250 guests........NOT!
So I prayed. I prayed.....Lord, please let the rain pass us. Move it to the south. And I lie not. As soon as my brother and his bestman arrived the sun came out. The Bride's mother gave orders to get all the chairs in the yard dried and at 6:00p we were witnessing one of the most tear-jerking ceremonies. I mean, BEAUTIFUL!! Everyone in either shades of pink, green, black, and white. I mean.....it was just a nice intimate affair. And the Bride and Groom were happy.
By 9:00p, when the reception was just making it to its peak there was no sign of rain. At all.
In that day you will no longer ask me anything. I tell you the truth, my Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete. --John 16:23-24
Just a small backyard wedding with just our immediate family and a few close friends was what my brother said when he announced the happy news back in March. As I looked around I couldn't believe the crowd. The yard, a nice size I might add, was packed! I wanted to say he was wrong, but when I looked over the photos this afternoon he was right. Unfortunately, it's just a lot of us and we can run up the numbers so easily. But we had a good time to say the least. We always do. Everytime my family come together we come up with a list of things that made us laugh throughout the festivities. The Oscar would have to go to my Aunt Pat who managed to bust my sister out in front of her "new" friend. I want to say it had something to do with what was in her cup, but then again Aunt Pat don't need nothing to say what is on her mind.
The Bride.......stunning!! The Groom......the Groom. Only Brian could make a grand entrance to a standing ovation as if he were the Bride. He's just loved. What can I say. He comes from a loving family. I'd like to take the credit, but it is a joint venture. And that's why so many people are drawn to our family.
Ok, so we thought the day was doomed when we got up Saturday morning to thunder boomers, tornado warnings, and buckets of rain pouring down on the garden that was supposed to be the backdrop of a love nest. Phone calls were flying all day. Even from family that was driving down from New York. "Is it raining there cause it's raining like cats and dogs where we are." And then I get the dramatized phone call from my sister........"Jill, oh my goodness the thunder is shaking the house. D'Asia get away from the window before you get struck by lightening!!!!!!!!!!! Even as I was getting my nails done and the Asian guy doing them responded with......aw man!!!......when I told him my brother's wedding was outside at 5:00p. When there was a glimpse of no rain, all the patrons in the shop cheered. But as soon as I pulled into my parking lot it started again.
As we drove to the wedding site, the rain got heavier and heavier. When I got out my car I grabbed my jacket and umbrella cause I figured we would be standing in the rain for a quick hot second just to witness the vows. But I'm telling you......God is faithful. Call me crazy, but I never pray for things like.....Lord, stop the rain only because I've come to believe that nature is just as much a blessing as it is a hindrance. But I was desperate because we had received word that the Bride wanted to move the wedding to the basement. Ok, I didn't go down there, but my sister described it as the size of her master bedroom. Her bedroom may be huge for just her and her husband, but for 250 guests........NOT!
So I prayed. I prayed.....Lord, please let the rain pass us. Move it to the south. And I lie not. As soon as my brother and his bestman arrived the sun came out. The Bride's mother gave orders to get all the chairs in the yard dried and at 6:00p we were witnessing one of the most tear-jerking ceremonies. I mean, BEAUTIFUL!! Everyone in either shades of pink, green, black, and white. I mean.....it was just a nice intimate affair. And the Bride and Groom were happy.
By 9:00p, when the reception was just making it to its peak there was no sign of rain. At all.
In that day you will no longer ask me anything. I tell you the truth, my Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete. --John 16:23-24
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
