Ok, so me and my sister were having our typical “year-end evaluation” conversation and of course we both repeated the same yeah yeah talk…… next year is MY year. We even adopted the slogan “It’s Mine in 09” as if 08 was totally not our year. But then I had to remind her, and MYSELF, that in the grand scheme of things we had a really good year. I mean, we both had our share of roller coaster issues that resulted in a few bumps and bruises especially with our sister getting severely ill at the end. But we both had to agree that our 08 issues were just a test of our faith gaining us a closer relationship with God. In realizing that, man I had an awesome 2008!!
So for this last entry of the year, I will list my accomplishments of 2008 instead of jumping into 2009's goals without giving proper recognition for how far the Lord has brought me. So here they are---in no particular order.
1. Started this blog. Yal don’t realize that creating Jill Revealed was a big deal for me. I mean, making 75% of my life public—whew!! Yes, yes only 75%. Can't "reveal" everything. Some things is just between me and God--lol. And [my friend]. lol. But seriously, when the Lord brought this task to me, I was very reluctant and afraid to become so transparent. But I was obedient. And I have to tell you......this blog has been such a blessing to me. And I know that it has been a blessing to you all. I read your emails. And if I don't respond its only because yal don't include your emails. Please include them!! But thank yal for checking in daily and allowing me to vent--lol. (check)
2. Became a Life Coach. If I can tell yal how many people--all walks of life--approach me on a daily and just start spilling their issues in hopes that I can give them a solution. I can't tell you. Cause its constant. I think that was one of the reasons for starting this blog because I'm always a listening ear, but rarely do I have someone to vent to. But it's all good. So my colleagues and friends inspired me to take my God-given gift professional. And this past Fall, I took the required courses, passed the exam, and became certified in Life Coaching specializing in Christian Relationships. Thank yal!! Although I could probably make lots of money in private practice--lol--yal got ISSUES--I chose to use this as part of ministry. My first "official" client, a gem even in the making--SERIOUSLY, is bringing out the very best in me. I don't think she realizes that although I am helping her.....she's helping me. Umph. (check)
3. Learned how to commit. Big accomplishment since I’m a self-proclaimed “quitter”. Just being honest--lol. Not quitting on ANYTHING or ANYONE has got to be my overall accomplishment for 2008. Many times I wanted to give up on situations and PEOPLE, but I’m still hanging in there. You know what....I'm learning how to deal with stuff--take a different approach instead of just giving up. And I realize that if I can't fully commit to God than I will NEVER be able to commit to His blessings. (check)
4. Grew closer with the Lord. This actually started in 2007 when I re-committed myself back to the Lord. And it grew tremendously in 2008. I can't explain it.....I just began thirsting for the Lord. I got an insatiable desire to spend time with Him. Somebody was praying for me--lol. But seriously, I didn't limit myself to just praying, reading, fasting, worshipping, and fellowshipping. I got initimate with the Lord. That's Spiritually intimate. And I'm understanding that putting God first is the only way to have a fulfilling life. I'm a reader as I've mentioned several times in this blog. I mean, I read constantly. A slew of subject matters. But this year my library has increased tremendously with Christian material. One book in particular, Because He Loves Me, really had a significant impact in my Christian growth this year. (check)
5. Read my Bible more. I’m a BibleGateway guru—lol. I do still tote the hardback--lol. But I’ve learned this year how to truly rely on God’s Word and that His Word holds the answers to EVERY problem and situation I face. Growing up I was always quoted scripture, but this year I really gained an understanding of God's Word and commonly quoted scriptures. Matthew 6:30-33 has become sooo much clearer to me now. (check)
If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.
6. Developed a stronger prayer life. My mentor helped me a lot with developing a stronger prayer life. I have to be honest.....although I have the Holy Spirit I didn't understand when people say they "pray in the Spirit". And so I was always seeking to "pray in the Spirit" when I prayed only to find out by my mentor that I've been praying in the Spirit all along. I guess I didn't know any other way to pray. But I've also learned that quality is greater than quantity, and that I can pray wholeheartedly in small increments throughout the day and still have an impact. I realize now that praying daily is vitamin for the soul. We need that covering. Another gift that I received this year is that of an intecessor. Spending time with God in prayer for other folk has given me many revelations this year. (check)
7. Spiritual retreating. I’m telling you….by the time July came I just needed to get away. And thanks to my girlfriend, Elizabeth, I did just that. I was actually fasting at the time, but I went on a Spiritual retreat in which I was allowed the freedom amongst many other worshippers to just cry out and worship the Lord. I mean, in the country just worshipping God with the birds, the bees, and the crickets--lol. But without any conditions. I so needed this. I returned home refreshed and renewed. (check)
8. Cultivated existing friendships. Okay, not always easy, but I’m learning how to deal with my loved ones and their issues as they too deal with mine. In the process, I've gained several new God-fearing friends who add significantly to my life. Juggling quality time with friends.....I no longer stress over cause they all know that God comes first and they have to get in where they fit in---lol. They understand. But this year, the time that I did spend with friends (and family) have been real quality. Especially throughout the presidential election process. Just encouraging one another, exchanging dreams and goals, and praying together. I thank God for putting the friends in my life that are here now. Even for the looney tooney ones. lol. (check)
9. Exercise more. Ooohweeee!!! I’m proud to say that I’ve maintained a regular exercise regimen for at least 3-4 times per week this year. But I’ve noticed something this year, that when I exercise I feel closer to God. I’ma have to look into this one. But I know that being balanced—mind, body, and soul—plays a major part on my overall well-being. It worked. (check)
10. Recognize dead-end situations. As I've mentioned, one of the biggest lessons I’m learning this year is how to not give up on [whatever], but at the same time I'm learning how to let go of dead-end, negative situations. There's just some things that are purely dead and if not properly handled can stifle growth. I think I did alright. I feel no guilt for trimming the edges. But I'm still dealing with a few issues. Continue to keep a sistah in prayer--lo. (half-check)
11. Spending quality time alone. Being alone used to depress me. But this year…I don’t know.....I embraced my time alone with the Lord. I remember back in April, at the launch of this blog, I had just taken a trip to Upstate New York alone and I tell you…..it was the BEST trip that I had ever taken. I mean, I drove through the Pennsylvania mountains and blasted my Gospel music, I cried out to the Lord, thanked him, and praised him. I even did a little "lite" shopping at Woodbury Commons---ALONE. Even though I did visit some friends there, the trip was clearly about me bonding with the God in me. (check)
12. Understanding the Will of God. You know what……I’ve been searching the will of God all year on a number of situations. And it wasn’t until last week that I came across Romans 12. It took all year to understand that as long as I keep a renewed mind on Christ then His perfect will will be made clear. (check)
Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. --Romans 12:1-2
As I look back over 2008, I’d have to admit that this has been a GREAT year for me. I may not have gotten engaged to my dream man, or vacationed in Tahiti---my dream vacation destination. Heck, I couldn’t even afford to go on my little annual $499 Bahama cruise. Neither have I lost those 30 lbs. or was able to purchase the sun-burst orange, front-load washer and dryer from Home Depot. Heck, the economy is bad, my job is getting boring, and God knows I’d never thought I’d still be childless at almost 39 years old…….but it’s been a GREAT 2008!!!
In 2008, I’ve grown closer to the Lord than I’d ever imagined. I live, sleep, and breathe by the Holy Spirit. I’ve learned the difference between natural faith, saving faith, and the gift of faith. I learned that with the Holy Spirit I have power to accomplish any and everything. I’ve been reminded that no good thing will the Lord withhold from me. I’ve learned that as long as my heart is in the right place I can have my heart's desires. And most of all I’ve decided that I want God’s PERFECT will, not His permissive will. And I have the power of choice to choose His perfect will. Whew!!
Again, it’s been a GREAT 2008, but it’s TIME for 2009!!! Happy New Year!!
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
I Love New York
I’m a bit slow these days writing in my “electronic reliever” cause my computer at home is broken AGAIN. This time I think it’s my monitor. And it ain’t in my budget to get a new one, so I’ll have to make sure my stress happens when I’m out and around another computer--lol. It’s all good though. I’m not stressing bout nothing these days. In fact, the closer I get to ending this year, the less baggage I seem to have. As far as handling my business, most stuff I need to do on the computer I can do from my phone. So I’m not complaining.
Today is slow. Not too many of us is in the office. Just had an extended lunch with my colleague/girlfriend. We had some out-of-office catching up to do. Nothing we’d care to talk about at our desk. So, on a whim we grabbed our coats, wallets, badges, and cellies, and headed off to our favorite salad joint. It’s always good to talk to [her]. And easy to listen to. She’s very optimistic and driven. She says I motivate her, but she actually motivates me. She’s from up north. I don’t know….its something about northerners. My friendships with the northerners seem to be a bit more solid. Wow, now that I think about it……they are.
I like when I get revelations like this. Like when I got a revelation that I get along better with girlfriends that have sisters than those who do not. Ok, that’s girlfriends who have real and regular relationships with their biological sisters. There’s a difference. My “sisterless” girlfriends seem a little more needy and self-centered. The others seem to know how to not take “I need space to be with my other friends/family/man or MYSELF” so personal. Don’t know why things happen that way, but they always seem to. And I don’t know why I analyze my thoughts this way, actually I don’t, they just seem to pop in my head at the most opportune time. Ok, I’m weird.
So I went to New York this past weekend. Not planned. But my sister was going to a meeting and asked me to go with her for the ride. Usually, I’d say no. And usually, she knows that I’d say no so I don’t know why she asked. Actually, I did say N-O. But late Friday afternoon I text her and told her that I’d go with her. She was ecstatic. We left about 4am and was treated royally by her colleague who was also attending the meeting. We actually rode with him. And of course we kept him laughing and intrigued the entire trip. I think he was sad to depart from us that next evening.
Ok, so when we were coming home we decided to ride through Times Square, a holiday ritual if we’re in New York during this time of year. So we’re riding through at about 5pm-ish and the streets are PACKED. I mean, jammed packed. But it was weird. It was very quiet. So I said to my sister……. “something seems eerie about it up here”. I mean, this comment was no surprise to her cause I ALWAYS complain about having to go to New York---business or personal. I just don’t like to go unless I HAVE to go. Ever since my grandmother died back in 1995 New York just doesn’t feel the same. Very weird. And since 9/11, ok……I really don’t want to talk about this.
But as we’re driving in the city, I asked my sister again…… “why does it seem so deserted even though the lights are shining bright, stores are opened, and people are everywhere. She couldn’t answer me, but agreed. For blocks I was baffled. Then I saw it. A huge NO HONKING sign sitting on every traffic light. I was pissed!!! Who came up with that stupid rule?????? C’mon, what’s New York without the taxi cabs honking???? Without gridlock???? I wanted to holler out the window at the NYPD and tell them it’s Christmas time and we’re in Times Square and to stop killing the noise!!!!! I mean, make some kinda noise cause it was too dog-on quiet. But the noiselessness actually relaxed me, and so I enjoyed the view of the city lights. And Times Square. Cause I love Times Square during this time.
Then I thought about one of my life’s dreams: To own a condo in Manhattan. I’m talking about the entire top floor of a building. With a doorman. And building staff. Something like this one.... dream condo. Umph.
I remember when I was little, probably 3 years old, my great-grandmother was the housekeeper to some rich folks in a hi-rise building somewhere in New York. I remember we used to take several busses across town from Queens to get there. We were always greeted by the doorman and then we’d check the “bosses” mail. It reminded me so much of the Jefferson’s building. When it was time for “Gram” to dust the bedrooms I used to play with all the perfume bottles on the dresser. To this day, I don’t know who lived there, what they did, and how much they were paying my Gram. I just know that I wanted to be rich. Umph.
Saturday I was reminded of those days. And then 9/11 flashed in. And then my grandmother’s funeral flashed in. And then reality really hit as we made our way through the tunnel to the turnpike. Umph. Then I thought…..it’s something about New York that I hate. But then I turned around to look at the New York skyline, sans the twin towers, and thought…….but there’s something about New York that I love.
Today is slow. Not too many of us is in the office. Just had an extended lunch with my colleague/girlfriend. We had some out-of-office catching up to do. Nothing we’d care to talk about at our desk. So, on a whim we grabbed our coats, wallets, badges, and cellies, and headed off to our favorite salad joint. It’s always good to talk to [her]. And easy to listen to. She’s very optimistic and driven. She says I motivate her, but she actually motivates me. She’s from up north. I don’t know….its something about northerners. My friendships with the northerners seem to be a bit more solid. Wow, now that I think about it……they are.
I like when I get revelations like this. Like when I got a revelation that I get along better with girlfriends that have sisters than those who do not. Ok, that’s girlfriends who have real and regular relationships with their biological sisters. There’s a difference. My “sisterless” girlfriends seem a little more needy and self-centered. The others seem to know how to not take “I need space to be with my other friends/family/man or MYSELF” so personal. Don’t know why things happen that way, but they always seem to. And I don’t know why I analyze my thoughts this way, actually I don’t, they just seem to pop in my head at the most opportune time. Ok, I’m weird.
So I went to New York this past weekend. Not planned. But my sister was going to a meeting and asked me to go with her for the ride. Usually, I’d say no. And usually, she knows that I’d say no so I don’t know why she asked. Actually, I did say N-O. But late Friday afternoon I text her and told her that I’d go with her. She was ecstatic. We left about 4am and was treated royally by her colleague who was also attending the meeting. We actually rode with him. And of course we kept him laughing and intrigued the entire trip. I think he was sad to depart from us that next evening.
Ok, so when we were coming home we decided to ride through Times Square, a holiday ritual if we’re in New York during this time of year. So we’re riding through at about 5pm-ish and the streets are PACKED. I mean, jammed packed. But it was weird. It was very quiet. So I said to my sister……. “something seems eerie about it up here”. I mean, this comment was no surprise to her cause I ALWAYS complain about having to go to New York---business or personal. I just don’t like to go unless I HAVE to go. Ever since my grandmother died back in 1995 New York just doesn’t feel the same. Very weird. And since 9/11, ok……I really don’t want to talk about this.
But as we’re driving in the city, I asked my sister again…… “why does it seem so deserted even though the lights are shining bright, stores are opened, and people are everywhere. She couldn’t answer me, but agreed. For blocks I was baffled. Then I saw it. A huge NO HONKING sign sitting on every traffic light. I was pissed!!! Who came up with that stupid rule?????? C’mon, what’s New York without the taxi cabs honking???? Without gridlock???? I wanted to holler out the window at the NYPD and tell them it’s Christmas time and we’re in Times Square and to stop killing the noise!!!!! I mean, make some kinda noise cause it was too dog-on quiet. But the noiselessness actually relaxed me, and so I enjoyed the view of the city lights. And Times Square. Cause I love Times Square during this time.
Then I thought about one of my life’s dreams: To own a condo in Manhattan. I’m talking about the entire top floor of a building. With a doorman. And building staff. Something like this one.... dream condo. Umph.
I remember when I was little, probably 3 years old, my great-grandmother was the housekeeper to some rich folks in a hi-rise building somewhere in New York. I remember we used to take several busses across town from Queens to get there. We were always greeted by the doorman and then we’d check the “bosses” mail. It reminded me so much of the Jefferson’s building. When it was time for “Gram” to dust the bedrooms I used to play with all the perfume bottles on the dresser. To this day, I don’t know who lived there, what they did, and how much they were paying my Gram. I just know that I wanted to be rich. Umph.
Saturday I was reminded of those days. And then 9/11 flashed in. And then my grandmother’s funeral flashed in. And then reality really hit as we made our way through the tunnel to the turnpike. Umph. Then I thought…..it’s something about New York that I hate. But then I turned around to look at the New York skyline, sans the twin towers, and thought…….but there’s something about New York that I love.
Thursday, December 25, 2008
A Memorable Christmas
It's His birthday, it's His birthday.........
Christmas is my FAVORITE holiday. It's just something about it. The joy it brings. The miracles. Christ's Spirit hovering over. Talk about Jesus making an appearance--showing up and showing out--whew. Ok, just gotta say THANK YOU LORD!!!!! My sister is home from the hospital and spending Christmas with the family!!!!!! GOD IS A MIRACLE WORKER!!!! Can I just shout that---lol.
My family has ALWAYS been known to do it big on Christmas. Since I could remember, Christmas has always been an extravagant time for us. And friends and extended family members just seem to want to be around to catch a part of the wind.
I have a few memorable Christmases, but one of the fondest memories was when we spent Christmas in New York with my grandparents back in the early 90's. Before my grandmother passed it was an "every other year" ritual. So that particular year we went to New York and when we walked in the house there was a huge sign hanging in the living room that said......WELCOME HOME CHILDREN!!! We had arrived a few days before Christmas---gotta do Christmas Eve shopping on Jamaica Avenue.
But I never forget that as the days neared, visitors kept coming by admiring our Christmas spirit---the lit house (outside and inside thanks to my aunt--lol), the fabulous tree with the singing dove (that dove irritated the heck out of us--lol), and our family's official Christmas song by the Whispers........"Hang on the mistletoe, I'm gonna get to know you better---THIS CHRISTMAS. Ok, can I make a statment......NOBODY CAN DO "THIS CHRISTMAS" like Donny Hathaway and the Whispers. Period. And Ashanti.........please don't mess up another ramake. PLEASE. I heard her version of THIS CHRISTMAS and didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Please don't do it again. And would yal DJ's stop playing it. Just stop--lolol!!!
Anyway...... During that particular Christmas one of my uncle's friends stopped by on Christmas Eve and saw us all sitting at the dining room table still wrapping gifts, and when she saw the tree with gifts piled almost as high as the 8 foot tree, no exaggeration, her mouth was stuck opened. Now let me remind you.......that was about 25 grands and great grands ago--lol. In fact, I wasn't even an auntie yet. Oh yes I was, Ray Ray was about five years old. Umph. He's a father now. Umph. Aw man, I almost just got depressed. Ooh, help me Lord--lol.
But that's normal Christmas for us. That's how our grandparents raised our family. And though my grandmother departed us back in 1995, she taught us to celebrate Christ's birth as if we're planning His birthday celebration. Oh, can't forget the ritual of my grandfather reading out EVERY name on the gifts and distributing individually as we all sit around the tree. By the time we all wake up--around noon--we're good and ready. But its always a big affair--fruit cakes and all---lol!! No, no...I don't do the fruit cakes, but we go as far as making gingerbread houses, doing Christmas skits, and the gift exchange. The incoming in-laws have to be braced since we may scare them off with our spending. No just joking. But really we go all out for Christmas cause we luuuuvs us some JESUS.
This Christmas is a little different. The economy sucks and with my sister being sick our Christmas celebrating is toned down. Of course the joy is still here, and some how my sister still found a way to deck out her Christmas tree--lol. But instead of spending like we ain't got bills, we are wrapping up and exchanging abundance of love and gratefulness. Just gratefulness for having one another cause it could have been the other way. Seriously.
I won't be lengthy today. So to you and yours............MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!! And, I think I'll go and get some Christmas dinner now. I cooked.
Christmas is my FAVORITE holiday. It's just something about it. The joy it brings. The miracles. Christ's Spirit hovering over. Talk about Jesus making an appearance--showing up and showing out--whew. Ok, just gotta say THANK YOU LORD!!!!! My sister is home from the hospital and spending Christmas with the family!!!!!! GOD IS A MIRACLE WORKER!!!! Can I just shout that---lol.
My family has ALWAYS been known to do it big on Christmas. Since I could remember, Christmas has always been an extravagant time for us. And friends and extended family members just seem to want to be around to catch a part of the wind.
I have a few memorable Christmases, but one of the fondest memories was when we spent Christmas in New York with my grandparents back in the early 90's. Before my grandmother passed it was an "every other year" ritual. So that particular year we went to New York and when we walked in the house there was a huge sign hanging in the living room that said......WELCOME HOME CHILDREN!!! We had arrived a few days before Christmas---gotta do Christmas Eve shopping on Jamaica Avenue.
But I never forget that as the days neared, visitors kept coming by admiring our Christmas spirit---the lit house (outside and inside thanks to my aunt--lol), the fabulous tree with the singing dove (that dove irritated the heck out of us--lol), and our family's official Christmas song by the Whispers........"Hang on the mistletoe, I'm gonna get to know you better---THIS CHRISTMAS. Ok, can I make a statment......NOBODY CAN DO "THIS CHRISTMAS" like Donny Hathaway and the Whispers. Period. And Ashanti.........please don't mess up another ramake. PLEASE. I heard her version of THIS CHRISTMAS and didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Please don't do it again. And would yal DJ's stop playing it. Just stop--lolol!!!
Anyway...... During that particular Christmas one of my uncle's friends stopped by on Christmas Eve and saw us all sitting at the dining room table still wrapping gifts, and when she saw the tree with gifts piled almost as high as the 8 foot tree, no exaggeration, her mouth was stuck opened. Now let me remind you.......that was about 25 grands and great grands ago--lol. In fact, I wasn't even an auntie yet. Oh yes I was, Ray Ray was about five years old. Umph. He's a father now. Umph. Aw man, I almost just got depressed. Ooh, help me Lord--lol.
But that's normal Christmas for us. That's how our grandparents raised our family. And though my grandmother departed us back in 1995, she taught us to celebrate Christ's birth as if we're planning His birthday celebration. Oh, can't forget the ritual of my grandfather reading out EVERY name on the gifts and distributing individually as we all sit around the tree. By the time we all wake up--around noon--we're good and ready. But its always a big affair--fruit cakes and all---lol!! No, no...I don't do the fruit cakes, but we go as far as making gingerbread houses, doing Christmas skits, and the gift exchange. The incoming in-laws have to be braced since we may scare them off with our spending. No just joking. But really we go all out for Christmas cause we luuuuvs us some JESUS.
This Christmas is a little different. The economy sucks and with my sister being sick our Christmas celebrating is toned down. Of course the joy is still here, and some how my sister still found a way to deck out her Christmas tree--lol. But instead of spending like we ain't got bills, we are wrapping up and exchanging abundance of love and gratefulness. Just gratefulness for having one another cause it could have been the other way. Seriously.
I won't be lengthy today. So to you and yours............MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!! And, I think I'll go and get some Christmas dinner now. I cooked.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Afternoon Chatter on Choices
Ok, so I was having a discussion with my buddy yesterday afternoon and it was pretty deep. You know me….without giving away the nooks and crannies of our intimate conversation; I do feel the need to share the message.
For starters, let me just say that my loved ones, that’s family and friends, think that I am absolutely weird. Not wacky weird, but weird in terms of how I do things. You know….how I operate. Or should I say……how I allow God full operation in my life. Everyday I am learning more and more how to let God truly lead my life. To order my steps. And though it is comforting to hear His voice when I’m presented with choices---Umph, I love hearing God's approval---it’s not always easy. Probably because being on God’s timing is a little challenging. Well, anything that goes against the flesh, the biological clock that is, is challenging. And I’d be the first to say that it’s very easy to say that “God is in control”. We all say it. But in reality when the rubber meets the road and patience is kicked into high gear……yeah then we can talk. Cause being truly open for God’s will……whew!
So the talk between me and my buddy came yesterday. For the umpteenth time--lol. Not with just him, but with MANY folk. But I think for him, he sees this “good woman” (if I may repeat—lol) who is seemingly not progressing according to how society is “progressing”, but is fully ready and blooming. To make moves. If that makes sense. Ok, to be blunt about it…….he doesn’t understand why I am not married--lol. If I may so say…..I do feel that I am a good catch and do wonder why it’s taking so long to settle down. But my answer to my buddy, and it seems like I repeat this just about every other day, is……I am on God’s timing. Period. My buddy knows me. And he knows me well. And a part of him thinks that I am being difficult (you know…..think my standards are too high) and the other part of him thinks that I don’t understand what “wait for God means”.
So we were in a heated, hour or so long conversation about being led by God and waiting on God. And so my buddy said that he believes in “destiny” in that whatever choice we make is destined by God. And that’s whether we choose the “right” mate and end up in divorce or choose the “wrong” mate and live happily ever after. He believes that this is destiny. I disagree. To me, that’s not believing in destiny that’s believing in fate. I believe that once I submit myself wholeheartedly to God, that’s receiving and being led by His Holy Spirit, then when choices are presented to me I have His Spirit in me to make the correct choice.
Choices. Ok, not to get off of me and my buddy’s conversation, but can I talk about choices because I think that society as a whole is confused about the power of choice. And if I hear another “saved” person say that they didn’t vote for Obama because of what the Democrats stand for in terms of abortion then I am going to scream. Seriously! Let me be clear…….WE ALL HAVE THE POWER OF CHOICE. PERIOD.
And that includes the saved and the unsaved and the not-thinking-about-being-saved and the I-think-I-am-the-savior saved folk too. EVERYBODY. Now I can’t speak for the unsaved cause I’m not coming from that mindset, but I will say that for the saved folks--the Christians--though saved we have the power to choose. PERIOD.
This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live….. --Deuteronomy 30:19
The key is……..although God gives us the authority to choose, we have to listen to HIS VOICE in order to make the correct choice!!!!! So in the situation with the “ungodly Democrats” vs. the “godly Republicans” on abortion, God gives each of us the right to choose. And we have no place in telling someone what to do with their life and their bodies. Yes, the LORD says for us to present our bodies a living sacrifice, and although He tells us what to do we still have that choice to follow His command or to be disobedient. Me personally, I want to follow His command and choose life. But that’s MY choice. It is not my place to tell Suzy or Shaniqua what to do with their bodies under whatever circumstances. Period. They would have to deal with God on that personal issue. And to be honest with you, it’s in our personal choices that we really come to know God. Whether we make the right or wrong choice. Ok, I just got a thought….. for the “pro-lifers” choosing not to abort doesn’t make you saved and it sure doesn’t give you a free ticket to heaven. Hmmmm……..
Anyway……so back to my conversation with my buddy. Basically, his thought is that if I’m available and “Joe” is available, and we love each other, getting along and stuff, then why not proceed in holy matrimony. NOT!! My belief is that two “good” men can be standing in front of me, and although it is my choice to pick who I want---more than likely being led by my flesh---there is that one man who the Lord destines for me in order to fulfill HIS purpose and will on this earth for the both of us as a couple. After I explained my belief I think my buddy understood. I explained to him that the Holy Spirit lets me know when I’m in the red zone and when I’m in God’s zone when making choices. And although God could allow a red zone choice and it could seemingly work on the surface. But there is an unsettling in the Spirit. And that’s not a good feeling. And I don't want that. That’s the difference between God’s permissible will and God’s perfect will. And I want God’s PERFECT will. Period.
Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. --Romans 12:1-2
For starters, let me just say that my loved ones, that’s family and friends, think that I am absolutely weird. Not wacky weird, but weird in terms of how I do things. You know….how I operate. Or should I say……how I allow God full operation in my life. Everyday I am learning more and more how to let God truly lead my life. To order my steps. And though it is comforting to hear His voice when I’m presented with choices---Umph, I love hearing God's approval---it’s not always easy. Probably because being on God’s timing is a little challenging. Well, anything that goes against the flesh, the biological clock that is, is challenging. And I’d be the first to say that it’s very easy to say that “God is in control”. We all say it. But in reality when the rubber meets the road and patience is kicked into high gear……yeah then we can talk. Cause being truly open for God’s will……whew!
So the talk between me and my buddy came yesterday. For the umpteenth time--lol. Not with just him, but with MANY folk. But I think for him, he sees this “good woman” (if I may repeat—lol) who is seemingly not progressing according to how society is “progressing”, but is fully ready and blooming. To make moves. If that makes sense. Ok, to be blunt about it…….he doesn’t understand why I am not married--lol. If I may so say…..I do feel that I am a good catch and do wonder why it’s taking so long to settle down. But my answer to my buddy, and it seems like I repeat this just about every other day, is……I am on God’s timing. Period. My buddy knows me. And he knows me well. And a part of him thinks that I am being difficult (you know…..think my standards are too high) and the other part of him thinks that I don’t understand what “wait for God means”.
So we were in a heated, hour or so long conversation about being led by God and waiting on God. And so my buddy said that he believes in “destiny” in that whatever choice we make is destined by God. And that’s whether we choose the “right” mate and end up in divorce or choose the “wrong” mate and live happily ever after. He believes that this is destiny. I disagree. To me, that’s not believing in destiny that’s believing in fate. I believe that once I submit myself wholeheartedly to God, that’s receiving and being led by His Holy Spirit, then when choices are presented to me I have His Spirit in me to make the correct choice.
Choices. Ok, not to get off of me and my buddy’s conversation, but can I talk about choices because I think that society as a whole is confused about the power of choice. And if I hear another “saved” person say that they didn’t vote for Obama because of what the Democrats stand for in terms of abortion then I am going to scream. Seriously! Let me be clear…….WE ALL HAVE THE POWER OF CHOICE. PERIOD.
And that includes the saved and the unsaved and the not-thinking-about-being-saved and the I-think-I-am-the-savior saved folk too. EVERYBODY. Now I can’t speak for the unsaved cause I’m not coming from that mindset, but I will say that for the saved folks--the Christians--though saved we have the power to choose. PERIOD.
This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live….. --Deuteronomy 30:19
The key is……..although God gives us the authority to choose, we have to listen to HIS VOICE in order to make the correct choice!!!!! So in the situation with the “ungodly Democrats” vs. the “godly Republicans” on abortion, God gives each of us the right to choose. And we have no place in telling someone what to do with their life and their bodies. Yes, the LORD says for us to present our bodies a living sacrifice, and although He tells us what to do we still have that choice to follow His command or to be disobedient. Me personally, I want to follow His command and choose life. But that’s MY choice. It is not my place to tell Suzy or Shaniqua what to do with their bodies under whatever circumstances. Period. They would have to deal with God on that personal issue. And to be honest with you, it’s in our personal choices that we really come to know God. Whether we make the right or wrong choice. Ok, I just got a thought….. for the “pro-lifers” choosing not to abort doesn’t make you saved and it sure doesn’t give you a free ticket to heaven. Hmmmm……..
Anyway……so back to my conversation with my buddy. Basically, his thought is that if I’m available and “Joe” is available, and we love each other, getting along and stuff, then why not proceed in holy matrimony. NOT!! My belief is that two “good” men can be standing in front of me, and although it is my choice to pick who I want---more than likely being led by my flesh---there is that one man who the Lord destines for me in order to fulfill HIS purpose and will on this earth for the both of us as a couple. After I explained my belief I think my buddy understood. I explained to him that the Holy Spirit lets me know when I’m in the red zone and when I’m in God’s zone when making choices. And although God could allow a red zone choice and it could seemingly work on the surface. But there is an unsettling in the Spirit. And that’s not a good feeling. And I don't want that. That’s the difference between God’s permissible will and God’s perfect will. And I want God’s PERFECT will. Period.
Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. --Romans 12:1-2
Friday, December 19, 2008
Just Stick to the Plan
I worked my hiney off at the gym last night. I so needed it. Cause I’ve been eating and eating. Between Christmas parties and being on the go, it’s been about two weeks of “eat whatever you want”. And I’ve been doing just that. Funny thing is that between Thanksgiving and Christmas I usually don’t overeat. I mean, I eat moderately. But this year…….ok, a lot is going on. Not trying to do the blame game, but when I’m stressed and busy the last thing I want to do is to have to think about what to eat. So I eat whatever is convenient. And whatever is laid before me.
Actually, Thanksgiving I didn’t eat as much as I thought I would. Too much food. And I lost my appetite. I mean, why we have to have THREE types of turkey. Traditional, rotisserie, and fried. And my brother made his famous chopped turkey barbecue. A family fav that MUST be served on a potato roll with cole slaw. Yeah, for Thanksgiving. So that Friday after Thanksgiving when I was unpacking my “take home leftovers for the weekend” bag, I lost my appetite and didn’t want to see any food. I actually threw an entire plate of food in the trash. I had the “I don’t like food no more” feeling. That feeling lasted to almost mid-December. And then the stress hit. And I began eating, eating, eating.
So yesterday when I got into the office, my colleagues were walking to their desks with plates piled with sausage, bacon, eggs, fried potatoes, pastries, and any other breakfast item you can think of. It was our building’s annual Christmas breakfast. And looking at them eat, I lost my appetite. I literally felt sick---probably from all the junk I’ve been eating the last few days. But just looking at all the food on their plates made me not only physically sick, but mentally sick.
So I opted to go back to the “eating right plan” and stick to my oatmeal, banana, apple, and pasta with veggies for lunch. Can’t do it no more. I feel horrible when I overeat. I mean, mentally and physically drained and fatigued. Sluggish. With a stomach ache. And a headache. And no clothing item feels right. Cause water is retained. And my cute clothes become my most hated items. Cause they turn on me. They change. LOL. I mean, am I the only one who blames the dryer for shrinking clothes???? Yeah, I got it bad. But when I overeat I feel like my life is at a standstill. Like I’m stuck in the moment. A big, fat clouded unproductive moment. Imagine feeling like this for weeks at a time. Umph.
NOTE: Fellas, so when your girl gets moody and you’re baffled…..pay attention to her diet. Lol. And help her, don’t discourage. And please don’t take the chips out her hand. No, no, no. Don’t do this. LOLOL. Just pray for her.
Anyway…….so the treadmill and the elliptical were my buddies last night. My regular workout buddies, both not more than a size 6 okay an 8, didn’t show up. They can afford not to. I assume they had a party or two to go to. So I worked out alone. And I got a gooood workout. Even did some strength training. Man……if I could just get 30lbs off. That’s it. Just trying to be comfortable in my skinny jeans. And feel good in them as I strut. Not trying to look like a pop culture, man-made machine. No, no…..that look doesn’t fit me. And neither am I comfortable with it. Yes, I tried it. Didn’t last but about a good month. I felt horrible. Depriving myself for an entire summer. I was so glad when my girlfriend talked me into going to Popeye’s with her. For that one time, I felt good eating my three-piece meal WITH a biscuit. Lol.
So last night, I was coming home on the metro feeling so good. With happy thoughts. As I sat back thinking that when I am eating right and exercising regularly, I just feel at peace. I’m more optimistic and I don’t feel the need to stress over stuff. I’m just so much more relaxed. And it feels like I can move forward. I even made a few mental notes of things I needed to accomplish in the next 90 days…..help my sister get her foundation started, change a few things around the house, and do a site visit to Connecticut. At one moment, I think I drifted off to sleep as I listen to my favorite soulful Christmas songs. Then I woke up with a burst of energy right before my stop.
When I got home, I packed an overnight bag---staying at the hospital with my sister this weekend---and washed and set my hair. I even did a thorough cleaning to the kitchen and the bathroom, changed the linen on my bed, and went through all the mail that has been piling on my desk. So many Christmas cards. Thanks yal. But had I had to do this last week, I wouldn’t have had the energy. I mean, driving across the street to Wendy’s takes a lot of energy out a sistah. The only thing I want to do after I eat a No. 2 is go to bed. LOL. Hey, just being honest.
But then it hit me. God always has a way of revealing himself. I was actually lying in the bed waiting for my mother and sister to get in the house. They were at the hospital late. Yes, yes, I do the roll-call check to make sure EVERYBODY is home safe. I do this nightly. But anyway….as I lye awake the Lord revealed to me that whatever takes place in the natural is streaming in the Spiritual. As I heard someone say…..a natural pattern will show in detail what the Spiritual reality consists of. That is, that when I stick to the plan---God’s Plan---everything always falls in place. And progress is made. Just like when I stick to a good diet. The Lord reminded me to just be obedient to His will and that of which my heart desires will come. It has to. Because God’s Word will not return void.
Then I thought about my body, again. And how if I just stick to a healthier diet I will lose those 30lbs., fit into my skinny jeans, feel mentally better, probably heal a illness that was a bag of Doritos away, and gain so many other benefits. Then my thoughts went back to the Spiritual. So many times we want instant gratification. Those three little chocolate chips cookies that are offered to us. Just three. Three can’t hurt. And if you’re like me, once you eat three cookies convincing to eat a slice of cake comes easy. And then the guilt comes. And you get stuck. And for some, you can’t get out. But want more. Then it consumes you. It consumes me. It’s an addiction that is created to destroy. And it can be food, sex, negative people…..whatever. It all boils down to our bad, selfish-led decisions that oppose the right way to a better life.
You know what the funny thing is……God designed us to enjoy the fullness of life. He gave us the ENTIRE garden and all we had to do was stick to His orders. And we still ended up being disobedient, making life difficult. Umph. And I wonder why I ain’t getting results. Umph. And it ain’t cause I don’t know the right way. His way. Umph.
….it is sown in dishonor, it is raised in glory; it is sown in weakness, it is raised in power; it is sown a natural body, it is raised a spiritual body. If there is a natural body, there is also a spiritual body. So it is written: “The first man Adam became a living being”; the last Adam, a life-giving spirit. --1 Corinthians 15:43-45
Actually, Thanksgiving I didn’t eat as much as I thought I would. Too much food. And I lost my appetite. I mean, why we have to have THREE types of turkey. Traditional, rotisserie, and fried. And my brother made his famous chopped turkey barbecue. A family fav that MUST be served on a potato roll with cole slaw. Yeah, for Thanksgiving. So that Friday after Thanksgiving when I was unpacking my “take home leftovers for the weekend” bag, I lost my appetite and didn’t want to see any food. I actually threw an entire plate of food in the trash. I had the “I don’t like food no more” feeling. That feeling lasted to almost mid-December. And then the stress hit. And I began eating, eating, eating.
So yesterday when I got into the office, my colleagues were walking to their desks with plates piled with sausage, bacon, eggs, fried potatoes, pastries, and any other breakfast item you can think of. It was our building’s annual Christmas breakfast. And looking at them eat, I lost my appetite. I literally felt sick---probably from all the junk I’ve been eating the last few days. But just looking at all the food on their plates made me not only physically sick, but mentally sick.
So I opted to go back to the “eating right plan” and stick to my oatmeal, banana, apple, and pasta with veggies for lunch. Can’t do it no more. I feel horrible when I overeat. I mean, mentally and physically drained and fatigued. Sluggish. With a stomach ache. And a headache. And no clothing item feels right. Cause water is retained. And my cute clothes become my most hated items. Cause they turn on me. They change. LOL. I mean, am I the only one who blames the dryer for shrinking clothes???? Yeah, I got it bad. But when I overeat I feel like my life is at a standstill. Like I’m stuck in the moment. A big, fat clouded unproductive moment. Imagine feeling like this for weeks at a time. Umph.
NOTE: Fellas, so when your girl gets moody and you’re baffled…..pay attention to her diet. Lol. And help her, don’t discourage. And please don’t take the chips out her hand. No, no, no. Don’t do this. LOLOL. Just pray for her.
Anyway…….so the treadmill and the elliptical were my buddies last night. My regular workout buddies, both not more than a size 6 okay an 8, didn’t show up. They can afford not to. I assume they had a party or two to go to. So I worked out alone. And I got a gooood workout. Even did some strength training. Man……if I could just get 30lbs off. That’s it. Just trying to be comfortable in my skinny jeans. And feel good in them as I strut. Not trying to look like a pop culture, man-made machine. No, no…..that look doesn’t fit me. And neither am I comfortable with it. Yes, I tried it. Didn’t last but about a good month. I felt horrible. Depriving myself for an entire summer. I was so glad when my girlfriend talked me into going to Popeye’s with her. For that one time, I felt good eating my three-piece meal WITH a biscuit. Lol.
So last night, I was coming home on the metro feeling so good. With happy thoughts. As I sat back thinking that when I am eating right and exercising regularly, I just feel at peace. I’m more optimistic and I don’t feel the need to stress over stuff. I’m just so much more relaxed. And it feels like I can move forward. I even made a few mental notes of things I needed to accomplish in the next 90 days…..help my sister get her foundation started, change a few things around the house, and do a site visit to Connecticut. At one moment, I think I drifted off to sleep as I listen to my favorite soulful Christmas songs. Then I woke up with a burst of energy right before my stop.
When I got home, I packed an overnight bag---staying at the hospital with my sister this weekend---and washed and set my hair. I even did a thorough cleaning to the kitchen and the bathroom, changed the linen on my bed, and went through all the mail that has been piling on my desk. So many Christmas cards. Thanks yal. But had I had to do this last week, I wouldn’t have had the energy. I mean, driving across the street to Wendy’s takes a lot of energy out a sistah. The only thing I want to do after I eat a No. 2 is go to bed. LOL. Hey, just being honest.
But then it hit me. God always has a way of revealing himself. I was actually lying in the bed waiting for my mother and sister to get in the house. They were at the hospital late. Yes, yes, I do the roll-call check to make sure EVERYBODY is home safe. I do this nightly. But anyway….as I lye awake the Lord revealed to me that whatever takes place in the natural is streaming in the Spiritual. As I heard someone say…..a natural pattern will show in detail what the Spiritual reality consists of. That is, that when I stick to the plan---God’s Plan---everything always falls in place. And progress is made. Just like when I stick to a good diet. The Lord reminded me to just be obedient to His will and that of which my heart desires will come. It has to. Because God’s Word will not return void.
Then I thought about my body, again. And how if I just stick to a healthier diet I will lose those 30lbs., fit into my skinny jeans, feel mentally better, probably heal a illness that was a bag of Doritos away, and gain so many other benefits. Then my thoughts went back to the Spiritual. So many times we want instant gratification. Those three little chocolate chips cookies that are offered to us. Just three. Three can’t hurt. And if you’re like me, once you eat three cookies convincing to eat a slice of cake comes easy. And then the guilt comes. And you get stuck. And for some, you can’t get out. But want more. Then it consumes you. It consumes me. It’s an addiction that is created to destroy. And it can be food, sex, negative people…..whatever. It all boils down to our bad, selfish-led decisions that oppose the right way to a better life.
You know what the funny thing is……God designed us to enjoy the fullness of life. He gave us the ENTIRE garden and all we had to do was stick to His orders. And we still ended up being disobedient, making life difficult. Umph. And I wonder why I ain’t getting results. Umph. And it ain’t cause I don’t know the right way. His way. Umph.
….it is sown in dishonor, it is raised in glory; it is sown in weakness, it is raised in power; it is sown a natural body, it is raised a spiritual body. If there is a natural body, there is also a spiritual body. So it is written: “The first man Adam became a living being”; the last Adam, a life-giving spirit. --1 Corinthians 15:43-45
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Guilty Pleasures
603!!! That’s how many calories I burned on the treadmill last night. Hadn’t been to the gym in a couple of days. And since I was severely stressed I thought it best that I carry my b-u-t-t to the gym instead of going home and moping. When I got on the treadmill I just started walking uphill. Just thinking and walking, thinking and walking. Before I knew it I was hitting the one hour mark.
6,033!!! That has got to be the calorie count from the dessert plate I just received. Today is one of many office parties. And since I’m busy preparing for my big meeting tomorrow, my colleague offered to “hook me up”. No joke…this is what’s on the dessert plate alone:
Carrot cake
Red Velvet cake
Brownie w/walnut
Brownie w/o nuts
Blondie w/cranberries
Oatmeal raisin cookies
Apple pie
Pecan Pie
Graham cracker/pecan [something]
[EDIT] Since writing this entry an hour or so ago, just got another "hook-up" with the following on the plate:
Chocolate cake
Lemon pound cake
Orange cake (umph!! gotta find the recipe to this one!!)
And you know what the sad thing is…….I’ll probably sit here and eat it all!!! I know, I know…..but I’m stressed. I’ll definitely go to the gym tonight. And maybe I’ll stay on the ‘mill for an extra hour. I said maybe.
When you sit to dine with a ruler, note well what is before you, and put a knife to your throat if you are given to gluttony. Do not crave his delicacies, for that food is deceptive. --Proverbs 23:1-3
6,033!!! That has got to be the calorie count from the dessert plate I just received. Today is one of many office parties. And since I’m busy preparing for my big meeting tomorrow, my colleague offered to “hook me up”. No joke…this is what’s on the dessert plate alone:
Carrot cake
Red Velvet cake
Brownie w/walnut
Brownie w/o nuts
Blondie w/cranberries
Oatmeal raisin cookies
Apple pie
Pecan Pie
Graham cracker/pecan [something]
[EDIT] Since writing this entry an hour or so ago, just got another "hook-up" with the following on the plate:
Chocolate cake
Lemon pound cake
Orange cake (umph!! gotta find the recipe to this one!!)
And you know what the sad thing is…….I’ll probably sit here and eat it all!!! I know, I know…..but I’m stressed. I’ll definitely go to the gym tonight. And maybe I’ll stay on the ‘mill for an extra hour. I said maybe.
When you sit to dine with a ruler, note well what is before you, and put a knife to your throat if you are given to gluttony. Do not crave his delicacies, for that food is deceptive. --Proverbs 23:1-3
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Follow Me
So much has been going on the last few days that I can hardly think straight. Sunday as a few family members sit in church we received an emergency call that my sister had to be rushed to the hospital via ambulance. My niece said that when she went to wake her mom up she was not responding. Without thinking twice we ran out of church and immediately to the hospital. That was Sunday afternoon. I didn’t leave until Monday afternoon. Very exhausted, concerned, and drained.
As of today, my sister is still in ICU, but with lots and lots of TLC. Although she cannot speak due to the tube in her throat, she communicates very well through her writing. The highlight of our day yesterday was when she wrote a note saying how “touch” she was by all of her family and friends love and support. But when she realized she wrote “touch”, she went back and corrected her grammar applying the “ed”. She’s a school teacher so why should we be surprised---lol. But her proofing reminded us that she is well aware of her surroundings and knows exactly what’s going on.
But more than her mind being on overdrive, her (and our) faith is on overdrive. She’s healed and we know she is healed. And she realizes that she has a children’s ministry in which is time for roll-out. She realizes this. And the devil is mad. But he’s defeated and he knows he’s defeated.
Before we were unexpectedly called out of church on Sunday, the guest preacher was preaching a powerful message on "following Jesus". He said that a lot of us Christians are stuck between our past and our destiny while holding on to dead situations. Follow me, just follow me kept running through my head. And actually the song, Follow Me, by Maurette Brown Clark helped to take me to a higher level in Christ this year and so I feel the need to recite the lyrics.
You live a life of ups and downs
Up here today and gone tomorrow
Changes you can’t control
They fill you with gloom and sorrow
But My own they call me
A shelter in the time of storm
And if you desire more than wealth
Call Me and I shall be there
Follow Me
For I will never change
I’m on your side for always
Until the end of time
Follow Me
I know your hopes and dreams
I too have been discouraged
And I know just how sorrow feels
The very hands that bore the nails
Right now are reaching out for you, just for you
And that same old star that led
Led those wise men
That star is waiting now
It’s waiting now to lead you
Now the road may not be easy
Don’t you know I promise I will never ever let you down,
If you would only put your trust in me
Like you trust in all your treasures
Follow Me
For I will never change
I’m on your side for always
Until the end of time
Follow Me
I know your hopes and dreams
I too have been discouraged
And I know just how sorrow feels
As of today, my sister is still in ICU, but with lots and lots of TLC. Although she cannot speak due to the tube in her throat, she communicates very well through her writing. The highlight of our day yesterday was when she wrote a note saying how “touch” she was by all of her family and friends love and support. But when she realized she wrote “touch”, she went back and corrected her grammar applying the “ed”. She’s a school teacher so why should we be surprised---lol. But her proofing reminded us that she is well aware of her surroundings and knows exactly what’s going on.
But more than her mind being on overdrive, her (and our) faith is on overdrive. She’s healed and we know she is healed. And she realizes that she has a children’s ministry in which is time for roll-out. She realizes this. And the devil is mad. But he’s defeated and he knows he’s defeated.
Before we were unexpectedly called out of church on Sunday, the guest preacher was preaching a powerful message on "following Jesus". He said that a lot of us Christians are stuck between our past and our destiny while holding on to dead situations. Follow me, just follow me kept running through my head. And actually the song, Follow Me, by Maurette Brown Clark helped to take me to a higher level in Christ this year and so I feel the need to recite the lyrics.
You live a life of ups and downs
Up here today and gone tomorrow
Changes you can’t control
They fill you with gloom and sorrow
But My own they call me
A shelter in the time of storm
And if you desire more than wealth
Call Me and I shall be there
Follow Me
For I will never change
I’m on your side for always
Until the end of time
Follow Me
I know your hopes and dreams
I too have been discouraged
And I know just how sorrow feels
The very hands that bore the nails
Right now are reaching out for you, just for you
And that same old star that led
Led those wise men
That star is waiting now
It’s waiting now to lead you
Now the road may not be easy
Don’t you know I promise I will never ever let you down,
If you would only put your trust in me
Like you trust in all your treasures
Follow Me
For I will never change
I’m on your side for always
Until the end of time
Follow Me
I know your hopes and dreams
I too have been discouraged
And I know just how sorrow feels
Friday, December 12, 2008
The Friday Unload
Yes, yes it’s Friday and I want to say…… “yea my weekend is here”, but I can’t. Cause I’m all over the place. I just had to take a moment to vent (blog). I’m so out of it. Exhausted.
For starters, I’m sleepy. Hanging out with a colleague til after 10pm last night. It hit me hard this morning. I didn’t get in the bed til after midnight. I mean, I’m use to going to bed late (occasionally), but if I do I’m already home, settled in, and probably on countdown talking on the phone or watching television. But when I got home last night, I had to do the unloading, winding down, and then I couldn’t fall asleep immediately.
Talk about “unloading”. You know what tires me out……going home to my daily ritual of reading the mail, checking the email, fixing a bite to eat, plugging up the gadgets, packing the lunch, unpacking the gym bag, repacking the gym bag, checking the voicemail and caller ID, returning calls, “checking in”, taking a shower, laying out clothes for the next day………..whew!! I do this four nights a week. And the thought of being a wife and a mother…..ok I can’t even imagine. Umph.
But anyway……so I was actually hoping to wake up to a flurry or two, but the WMA got the okie doke again. Not that I thought it would be any accumulations that would shut down the government, but at least when the snow is falling it gives an area-wide excuse to take our time getting into the office. But no snow when I woke up. And actually a bit of sunshine. It’s all good. Til I got on the bus and the driver and a passenger wanted to have a science discussion on the sun rays. Overhearing them put me to sleep immediately. And that was standing up. Four minutes later I was sleep-running for my train.
So I’m tired. And I have little bright-colored stickies all over my desk. Notes for my mentee, business to-do list, a list of immigrant populations that are being overlooked in my program, phone numbers (shucks, whose number begins with 545!!!!!). Notes everywhere. It’ll be wise to plug into my Blackberry, but the reminder alarm irritates the heck out of me. And so does the ringer. That’s why I keep my phone on vibrate.
Ok, I got a question. Why have a conference call on a Friday afternoon??????? I’m flexible, but dag….does it have to be THIS Friday. I just want to do the Friday norm……..complete the week’s to-do list, tie up any loose ends, and not take any unfinished work into next week. Especially not next week since I have 5 Christmas parties that I RSVP’d to. Umph.
I love the Holy Spirit. All week I’ve been hearing my week’s meditation scripture in some form or another. That’s how the Holy Spirit operates. Ummmm…….I think I feel my help coming on.
For starters, I’m sleepy. Hanging out with a colleague til after 10pm last night. It hit me hard this morning. I didn’t get in the bed til after midnight. I mean, I’m use to going to bed late (occasionally), but if I do I’m already home, settled in, and probably on countdown talking on the phone or watching television. But when I got home last night, I had to do the unloading, winding down, and then I couldn’t fall asleep immediately.
Talk about “unloading”. You know what tires me out……going home to my daily ritual of reading the mail, checking the email, fixing a bite to eat, plugging up the gadgets, packing the lunch, unpacking the gym bag, repacking the gym bag, checking the voicemail and caller ID, returning calls, “checking in”, taking a shower, laying out clothes for the next day………..whew!! I do this four nights a week. And the thought of being a wife and a mother…..ok I can’t even imagine. Umph.
But anyway……so I was actually hoping to wake up to a flurry or two, but the WMA got the okie doke again. Not that I thought it would be any accumulations that would shut down the government, but at least when the snow is falling it gives an area-wide excuse to take our time getting into the office. But no snow when I woke up. And actually a bit of sunshine. It’s all good. Til I got on the bus and the driver and a passenger wanted to have a science discussion on the sun rays. Overhearing them put me to sleep immediately. And that was standing up. Four minutes later I was sleep-running for my train.
So I’m tired. And I have little bright-colored stickies all over my desk. Notes for my mentee, business to-do list, a list of immigrant populations that are being overlooked in my program, phone numbers (shucks, whose number begins with 545!!!!!). Notes everywhere. It’ll be wise to plug into my Blackberry, but the reminder alarm irritates the heck out of me. And so does the ringer. That’s why I keep my phone on vibrate.
Ok, I got a question. Why have a conference call on a Friday afternoon??????? I’m flexible, but dag….does it have to be THIS Friday. I just want to do the Friday norm……..complete the week’s to-do list, tie up any loose ends, and not take any unfinished work into next week. Especially not next week since I have 5 Christmas parties that I RSVP’d to. Umph.
I love the Holy Spirit. All week I’ve been hearing my week’s meditation scripture in some form or another. That’s how the Holy Spirit operates. Ummmm…….I think I feel my help coming on.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Seek Ye First
Seek Ye first jumped into my thoughts this morning. I don’t know if its about a situation I’m about to face or if its just something the Lord wanted me to share with the public. But every time I am faced with a decision or choice, I am programmed to think “what does the Lord say about [such and such]”. I mean, I’ve heard seek Ye first, seek Ye first…a lot growing up, but it wasn’t until recently (in the last year or so) that I understood what seeking God first REALLY means.
In theory, seeking God first is a no-brainer because we all like to believe that God is first in our lives. But in reality…..well, that’s the problem, do we really understand how to put God first before our desires. I often ask myself, in just about every situation I face......am I really seeking God first. I mean, as a whole I do seek God about my life in general, but I do also seek God first on individual situations. And I think I’m finally getting it. Really I do—lol.
So what does seeking God first entails? Well, let me explain how I believe what it means. And I’ll do it by using a famous example. Ok, say I want a mate and the Word says to seek God first and all things will be added unto me. Ok, this is what I do. I’m actually in the process of doing this now--lol. Whew!!! Not making moves until I hear from God. No, no, no!!! Anyway, so……
1. Repent. I repent daily. Yes, yes a sistah gotta repent on a daily. But I would repent first and ask God to forgive me of my sins and for controlling my own life.
2. His Will. Then I’d ask the Lord to have His perfect will, not his permissive will, in my life and to remove my will and selfish motives. And to give me the mate that would bring glory to HIS name by us being as one. This has all to do with purpose. And I think a lot of us miss it. My purpose has to be in connection with my mate’s purpose unless one of our purposes will go unfulfilled. So it is imperative for us to both know and understand what God has called us to do as a COUPLE. As one. I'd also ask the Lord to remove my negative attitude and any negative thing in me that would hinder and block His will from being totally fulfilled.
3. Preparation. I’d also ask for the Lord to prepare me to be the person I need to be for the mate He will bring into my life. I firmly believe that the Lord can bring the right mate, but if either one of us, or both, are not continuing under His guidance then we can abort God’s will. It can be argued that God’s perfect will will always be fulfilled regardless. But that’s not necessarily so. God gives each of us choice. He tells us to choose life (His will), but we don’t always choose what He says. So we live with the consequences.
4. Prayer and Fasting. When I want something...I hit hard--lol. And some things only come through praying AND fasting. So I make it a daily thing to pray for the Lord to continue to work on me, fulfilling His will, and giving me peace and patience. And periodically I turn down my plate, and lay on the altar seeking God for direction in the particular situation. Then I’d ask for this:
5. REVELATION. I know there are some folk out there that feel like if the Lord would just bring the mate then they can take it from there. NOT. When I meet someone I need for the Lord to begin revealing things to me. I know some who are seeking are scared for the other's trueness to be revealed---especially when you're in deep with that person. But you have to ask God for revelation cause you have to know what to put on the altar and what to walk away from. That's part of the Lord's voice. And so I pray constantly for revelation and for the Lord to keep me open to hearing His voice. When something sits uneasy in my Spirit I have no choice but to take heed.
6. Patience. I’d ask the Lord for patience so that I will have strength to wait for Him to make the right mate for me and not settle for just a body. I also ask the Lord to take the time-factor out the way. This puts a lot of us in divorce court---trying to beat our biological clocks. I have to constantly remind myself that because I am HIS child…I’m timeless. And so I have to not focus on the clock, but on His will.
7. Trust God. Then I’d continue living a full Christian life of daily devotion, fellowship, reading, praying, fasting, worshipping, etc. I ask the Lord daily to increase my faith. And I do honestly believe that whatever I ask, if I seek Him first I would get it. And so I have to exercise my faith by living my Christian journey and trusting that He will give me the desires of my heart. For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless. –Psalm 84:11
My girlfriend Ericka sent me a nice quote as it relates to seeking God. It says:
“A woman’s heart should be so hidden in Christ that a man should have to seek Him first to find her.” Maya Angelou
I tell you….seeking God first for [whatever] is a must. And I think that if we surrender ourselves fully to God I can guarantee, and this is from experience, we’d live happier and more peaceful lives.
But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. –Matthew 6:33
In theory, seeking God first is a no-brainer because we all like to believe that God is first in our lives. But in reality…..well, that’s the problem, do we really understand how to put God first before our desires. I often ask myself, in just about every situation I face......am I really seeking God first. I mean, as a whole I do seek God about my life in general, but I do also seek God first on individual situations. And I think I’m finally getting it. Really I do—lol.
So what does seeking God first entails? Well, let me explain how I believe what it means. And I’ll do it by using a famous example. Ok, say I want a mate and the Word says to seek God first and all things will be added unto me. Ok, this is what I do. I’m actually in the process of doing this now--lol. Whew!!! Not making moves until I hear from God. No, no, no!!! Anyway, so……
1. Repent. I repent daily. Yes, yes a sistah gotta repent on a daily. But I would repent first and ask God to forgive me of my sins and for controlling my own life.
2. His Will. Then I’d ask the Lord to have His perfect will, not his permissive will, in my life and to remove my will and selfish motives. And to give me the mate that would bring glory to HIS name by us being as one. This has all to do with purpose. And I think a lot of us miss it. My purpose has to be in connection with my mate’s purpose unless one of our purposes will go unfulfilled. So it is imperative for us to both know and understand what God has called us to do as a COUPLE. As one. I'd also ask the Lord to remove my negative attitude and any negative thing in me that would hinder and block His will from being totally fulfilled.
3. Preparation. I’d also ask for the Lord to prepare me to be the person I need to be for the mate He will bring into my life. I firmly believe that the Lord can bring the right mate, but if either one of us, or both, are not continuing under His guidance then we can abort God’s will. It can be argued that God’s perfect will will always be fulfilled regardless. But that’s not necessarily so. God gives each of us choice. He tells us to choose life (His will), but we don’t always choose what He says. So we live with the consequences.
4. Prayer and Fasting. When I want something...I hit hard--lol. And some things only come through praying AND fasting. So I make it a daily thing to pray for the Lord to continue to work on me, fulfilling His will, and giving me peace and patience. And periodically I turn down my plate, and lay on the altar seeking God for direction in the particular situation. Then I’d ask for this:
5. REVELATION. I know there are some folk out there that feel like if the Lord would just bring the mate then they can take it from there. NOT. When I meet someone I need for the Lord to begin revealing things to me. I know some who are seeking are scared for the other's trueness to be revealed---especially when you're in deep with that person. But you have to ask God for revelation cause you have to know what to put on the altar and what to walk away from. That's part of the Lord's voice. And so I pray constantly for revelation and for the Lord to keep me open to hearing His voice. When something sits uneasy in my Spirit I have no choice but to take heed.
6. Patience. I’d ask the Lord for patience so that I will have strength to wait for Him to make the right mate for me and not settle for just a body. I also ask the Lord to take the time-factor out the way. This puts a lot of us in divorce court---trying to beat our biological clocks. I have to constantly remind myself that because I am HIS child…I’m timeless. And so I have to not focus on the clock, but on His will.
7. Trust God. Then I’d continue living a full Christian life of daily devotion, fellowship, reading, praying, fasting, worshipping, etc. I ask the Lord daily to increase my faith. And I do honestly believe that whatever I ask, if I seek Him first I would get it. And so I have to exercise my faith by living my Christian journey and trusting that He will give me the desires of my heart. For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless. –Psalm 84:11
My girlfriend Ericka sent me a nice quote as it relates to seeking God. It says:
“A woman’s heart should be so hidden in Christ that a man should have to seek Him first to find her.” Maya Angelou
I tell you….seeking God first for [whatever] is a must. And I think that if we surrender ourselves fully to God I can guarantee, and this is from experience, we’d live happier and more peaceful lives.
But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. –Matthew 6:33
Sunday, December 7, 2008
The Power of the Posse
I had my weekend all planned out. I was actually looking forward to my “just me” weekend and so I knew exactly what I wanted to do----NOTHING IN PARTICULAR. Especially since I had a stressful week and an overwhelming Friday.
So Friday night I took my time coming home from work, stopped by the stationery shop to get some invitation paper for the inaugural event I’m hosting next month. On the way home I had a taste for some chicken and so I stopped at my favorite chicken spot and chowed down in the car. Didn't feel like doing the usual---sitting inside or taking food home. As I sat in my car, I was in the mood to listen to the Quiet Storm so as I ate, I grooved to the Isley Brothers. I had no where to be and so I just took my time doing nothing and going nowhere. Hey, it was Friday night and I had nothing to prepare for the next day.
When I got home, my girlfriend Ericka called and I chatted on the phone with her for a while. After I hung up, I watched the new episode of Snoop Dog’s Fatherhood---only caught it skimming the channels. Trust---lol. But I actually learned a valuable lesson from it--the power of hardwork and how one cannot live in others' shadows. Soon as Snoop went off, I drifted off to sleep.
I woke up yesterday morning around 7am-ish. My no-plan plan was to sleep late. Late as I wanted. Then I’d get up around noon-ish and go to the gym, do a little shopping, and maybe treat myself to a nice sit-down dinner at the Cheesecake Factory (my favorite). But as I was preparing for my next phase of sleep, smiling as I looked at the clock knowing it was Saturday, the phone rang. It was my oldest sister……. “Hey, me and Shon decided to go to the seminar. Are you going?”
There goes my day, I thought. I mean, they both had talked about the Saturday seminar all week. But the last I’d spoken to both of them, late Friday afternoon, neither were going. But they were both excited and had made arrangements for my nieces and with their spouses. I had no excuse. And of course the guilt trip came over me. I mean, its rare that the Awesome Foursome--my oldest sisters--get together. And since the speakers, our favorite motivational couple here in Maryland, was speaking on a good topic there was no way I wanted to get the run-down from them because I missed out.
I immediately jumped out of the bed and into the shower because the seminar was starting at 9:30a. I was dressed by 8:45a, and out of the house by 9am. When I got there my oldest sister had beat me there which was VERY unusual. Shortly after, one-by-one, we started filling up almost the entire right side of the hotel banquet room where the seminar was being held. My cousins were there also. And one of my girlfriends. The all-day seminar, that included a nice lunch, was awesome as we knew it would be.
One of the things they talked about was about being associated with negative people and how we should be careful of receiving advice from, and hanging around, unproductive, negative people. C’mon, yes I realize that this is part of every motivational person’s talk, and to be honest I’ve been practicing this for a couple of years. But yesterday, I needed to hear it again. And today, I think I need to verbalize it.
Over the last few weeks, and I think its because the year is winding down, I’ve been re-evaluating the circle of people in my life. I go through this ritual annually. You know, strategically placing folks. I think I’m mastering who to put on the back-burner and who to move to the front--and who to kick completely out of the kitchen--lol. And so being re-affirmed yesterday is pushing me into play mode quicker than I thought. I usually wait until December 30th to do the “who to take into the new year“ checklist, but hey…..never too early, right.
But one of the greatest lessons I’ve learned this year is how to be patient with folk, and not just disposing them because their ways don‘t sit well with my ways. I mean, I’m still healing from the “stop giving up on folk and kicking them out of your life” syndrome. I mean, for me its easier to take the easy way out, but I know that its not about me.
Every time I think about how to handle friendships, or my posse, I can’t help but to go back to the Word. Jesus was/is a GREAT friend. I mean, he handpicked twelve friends and knew that one of them, Judas, was going to act a fool and betray him. Jesus knew that Judas was a backstabber, but he still counted him as a friend. But here’s the thing……although Jesus had twelve friends, there were certain ones that he only allowed in his intimate circle. Even in my life, there are just a few friends that I allow in my most intimate circle---that is around my family or in the realm in which the Lord is taking me. And so through the Word, I am realizing that it is okay to take some and leave some behind. Everyone is not meant to play a leading role in my life. And I’m okay with that. Really, I am.
Bringing it down-to-earth, I remember hearing something that Will Smith said a long time ago and this has become my saying when dealing with friends. He said, you only need five (5) good friends in your life. And all of those five should have something going on a little more than you---powerful in their own right. Hearing this was life-changing for me. It is true that friends can either make you or break you. And that one rotten apple can destroy the entire bunch. That’s why you take that rotten apple out, cut off the rotten part and make an apple pie out of the rest!! LOL. I'm assuming Judas was good for something that’s why Jesus kept him around. But one thing is for sure.......Jesus didn’t take Judas to the mountaintop with him. Umph.
Now after six days Jesus took Peter, James, and John his brother, led them up on a high mountain by themselves; and He was transfigured before them. His face shone like the sun, and His clothes became as white as the light. And behold, Moses and Elijah appeared to them, talking with Him. --Matthew 17:1-3
So Friday night I took my time coming home from work, stopped by the stationery shop to get some invitation paper for the inaugural event I’m hosting next month. On the way home I had a taste for some chicken and so I stopped at my favorite chicken spot and chowed down in the car. Didn't feel like doing the usual---sitting inside or taking food home. As I sat in my car, I was in the mood to listen to the Quiet Storm so as I ate, I grooved to the Isley Brothers. I had no where to be and so I just took my time doing nothing and going nowhere. Hey, it was Friday night and I had nothing to prepare for the next day.
When I got home, my girlfriend Ericka called and I chatted on the phone with her for a while. After I hung up, I watched the new episode of Snoop Dog’s Fatherhood---only caught it skimming the channels. Trust---lol. But I actually learned a valuable lesson from it--the power of hardwork and how one cannot live in others' shadows. Soon as Snoop went off, I drifted off to sleep.
I woke up yesterday morning around 7am-ish. My no-plan plan was to sleep late. Late as I wanted. Then I’d get up around noon-ish and go to the gym, do a little shopping, and maybe treat myself to a nice sit-down dinner at the Cheesecake Factory (my favorite). But as I was preparing for my next phase of sleep, smiling as I looked at the clock knowing it was Saturday, the phone rang. It was my oldest sister……. “Hey, me and Shon decided to go to the seminar. Are you going?”
There goes my day, I thought. I mean, they both had talked about the Saturday seminar all week. But the last I’d spoken to both of them, late Friday afternoon, neither were going. But they were both excited and had made arrangements for my nieces and with their spouses. I had no excuse. And of course the guilt trip came over me. I mean, its rare that the Awesome Foursome--my oldest sisters--get together. And since the speakers, our favorite motivational couple here in Maryland, was speaking on a good topic there was no way I wanted to get the run-down from them because I missed out.
I immediately jumped out of the bed and into the shower because the seminar was starting at 9:30a. I was dressed by 8:45a, and out of the house by 9am. When I got there my oldest sister had beat me there which was VERY unusual. Shortly after, one-by-one, we started filling up almost the entire right side of the hotel banquet room where the seminar was being held. My cousins were there also. And one of my girlfriends. The all-day seminar, that included a nice lunch, was awesome as we knew it would be.
One of the things they talked about was about being associated with negative people and how we should be careful of receiving advice from, and hanging around, unproductive, negative people. C’mon, yes I realize that this is part of every motivational person’s talk, and to be honest I’ve been practicing this for a couple of years. But yesterday, I needed to hear it again. And today, I think I need to verbalize it.
Over the last few weeks, and I think its because the year is winding down, I’ve been re-evaluating the circle of people in my life. I go through this ritual annually. You know, strategically placing folks. I think I’m mastering who to put on the back-burner and who to move to the front--and who to kick completely out of the kitchen--lol. And so being re-affirmed yesterday is pushing me into play mode quicker than I thought. I usually wait until December 30th to do the “who to take into the new year“ checklist, but hey…..never too early, right.
But one of the greatest lessons I’ve learned this year is how to be patient with folk, and not just disposing them because their ways don‘t sit well with my ways. I mean, I’m still healing from the “stop giving up on folk and kicking them out of your life” syndrome. I mean, for me its easier to take the easy way out, but I know that its not about me.
Every time I think about how to handle friendships, or my posse, I can’t help but to go back to the Word. Jesus was/is a GREAT friend. I mean, he handpicked twelve friends and knew that one of them, Judas, was going to act a fool and betray him. Jesus knew that Judas was a backstabber, but he still counted him as a friend. But here’s the thing……although Jesus had twelve friends, there were certain ones that he only allowed in his intimate circle. Even in my life, there are just a few friends that I allow in my most intimate circle---that is around my family or in the realm in which the Lord is taking me. And so through the Word, I am realizing that it is okay to take some and leave some behind. Everyone is not meant to play a leading role in my life. And I’m okay with that. Really, I am.
Bringing it down-to-earth, I remember hearing something that Will Smith said a long time ago and this has become my saying when dealing with friends. He said, you only need five (5) good friends in your life. And all of those five should have something going on a little more than you---powerful in their own right. Hearing this was life-changing for me. It is true that friends can either make you or break you. And that one rotten apple can destroy the entire bunch. That’s why you take that rotten apple out, cut off the rotten part and make an apple pie out of the rest!! LOL. I'm assuming Judas was good for something that’s why Jesus kept him around. But one thing is for sure.......Jesus didn’t take Judas to the mountaintop with him. Umph.
Now after six days Jesus took Peter, James, and John his brother, led them up on a high mountain by themselves; and He was transfigured before them. His face shone like the sun, and His clothes became as white as the light. And behold, Moses and Elijah appeared to them, talking with Him. --Matthew 17:1-3
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Breaking Point!
I need a break!!!!! I am overly stressed with deadlines, and inconsiderate interruptions galore (personal and professional) are hounding me. Why don't folk just be nice for a change!!!! And do something for ME for a change. Can I ever get a phone call with the greeting...... "Today I'm taking YOU to lunch". Or "I have a surprise for you tonight!!" Why am I always pulled upon?????????????????
I saw the new episode of Tyler Perry's House of Payne last night and I soooo understand how Janine was feeling with her new babies (twins). Even though a fiction sitcom, there is a time when you come to a breaking point. Just really overwhelmed. Feeling like I'm creeping up on it.
The punishment inflicted on him by the majority is sufficient for him. Now instead, you ought to forgive and comfort him, so that he will not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. I urge you, therefore, to reaffirm your love for him. --2 Corinthians 2:6-8
I saw the new episode of Tyler Perry's House of Payne last night and I soooo understand how Janine was feeling with her new babies (twins). Even though a fiction sitcom, there is a time when you come to a breaking point. Just really overwhelmed. Feeling like I'm creeping up on it.
The punishment inflicted on him by the majority is sufficient for him. Now instead, you ought to forgive and comfort him, so that he will not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. I urge you, therefore, to reaffirm your love for him. --2 Corinthians 2:6-8
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