I've Noticed......

I’ve noticed two things about myself this morning. Actually, I been knew them but just this morning, and this week, they shouted out at me. I love this saying that I heard about a year or so ago……. a natural pattern will show in detail what the Spiritual reality consists of. So of course when my inner me screamed at my outer me I knew that it was serious---lol. If I haven’t mentioned, my church is on a two-week fast and so when I’m fasting I get all types of strange revelations. And sometimes I’m like, HUUUUH? Lol. It’s something about when the Lord puts me in my place. I so love the Lord. Really, I do.

Ok, so the first thing that I’ve noticed about myself is that I save my good stuff for no good darn reason. This morning as I was getting dressed, I was wearing black, I noticed that lint was on my slacks. And so I was in the laundry room standing there contemplating what I should do. My initial reaction was to change my outfit. I spotted my favorite new product sitting on the shelf above the washer/dryer, practically new. It’s the Bounce Lint and Freshener Roller. I ain’t promoting this product, especially if Bounce ain’t trying to pay me, but I absolutely luuuuuv this lint roller.

Anyway, so the lint roller was clearly in my view, but for some odd reason it was on “reserve”. After a few minutes I realized that I didn’t have enough time to change clothes, so I ran to the linen closet to get my magic brush. I hate using the brush because it puts lint back on your clothes if you happen to brush in the wrong direction. So I stood there for a moment or two and then decided to run in the den to get scotch tape.

When I realized it was taking me entirely too much time to get the lint off my slacks with the scotch tape, I ran back in the laundry room to see if I had enough layers on the Bounce roller to use. Ok, there is a legitimate reason why I didn’t want to use it. See, I like to use the roller when I’m traveling. And so since I’m traveling next week I wanted to save any layers for then. However, the roll was nearly new. I purchased it when I was in Connecticut a few months back and probably only used two layers. Seriously, this entire paragraph was arguing out in my mind this morning—lol.

Then a light bulb went off in my world.

Ok, something in me screamed…… “so what if it’s the last darn sheet, USE IT!!!!!” It almost startled me. And then I felt stupid. Because…..because it ain’t that serious---lol. But the truth of the matter is that the Bounce roller is one of many things I save for no good reason. For instance, I have different deodorants that I wear on the weekdays than on weekends. Only because I like to reserve the scents for certain days. It doesn’t matter if I run out of the weekend deodorant and need to use the weekday one. I won’t. Cause I need to save the Dove Energizing deodorant for the weekdays. Cause it lifts me up. Especially on a dreary Monday morning. And so if I run out of the weekend deodorant I will use baking soda until I can get to the store. Seriously.

And my bed sheets, which everyone knows I’m very fickle about. I use the best ones on the weekends because I can sleep on them longer. The “casual sheets,” which aren’t lower than a 440-count, I use on weekdays because I don’t usually wash my hair until the weekend and so I don’t want my oily hair to touch my good sheets. I know they can be washed. But so what. And if that’s not enough…..I use certain color sheets according to my mood or season. I have some nice brown sheets, as well as a navy blue set, that I only use in the winter/fall. And so on many occasions I use up all the clean sheets before I can get a chance to wash. And if that happens, I will not use the sheets that are reserved for special times. I will not. I know it’s crazy. Pray for me—lol. I’m the same with purses and shoes.

When I tell you I got stupid issues….you gotta believe me--lol. OH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And the car freshener, the little trees, oh I take that to another level. I’ve only found one place that sells my favorite scent, lilac. And so I usually purchase several to keep in my glove compartment. But if there’s only one left, I will save that one until I’m getting in the car to go to church because that’s the longest distance I usually travel before getting out. And I don’t want to waste the freshest part of the scent if I’m not in the car. Yes, I got issues--lol.

So the Lord dealt with me this morning. Even up to writing this entry. Basically, I’ve taken my blessings for granted. The Lord has blessed me abundantly and what I do is hold on to those things probably in fear of not being blessed again. I’d like to think that it’s only me taking care of my blessings, but the bottom line is that they’re just THINGS!! Things that can be replaced. If I run out……SO WHAT!!! Most things I hold on to are under $2!

But the Lord dealt with me this morning because though minor, it’s a bigger issue in the grand scheme of my life. Anybody who knows me knows that I’m a keep-moving, go-getter type of person. But there are some things, perhaps thoughts and ideas or accomplishments or dreams or gifts and talents that I keep on reserve. Things that are reserved because…..I don’t know why. Maybe fear of going to the next level. Or perhaps fear of uncertainty. Or maybe I’m waiting for the “grand reveal” to make my debut. I don’t know. But I do know that there are some things that I must take off the shelf, remove from the glove compartment, and take out of the linen closest and put to use.

Then there’s this other thing that I’ve noticed this week. It’s that I quit, or want to quit, whatever right at the last stretch. I remember two years ago I went on a 30-day fast and at the 27th day I ate. I had only three more days left and I just stopped. And even when I’m working out. I could set the timer to walk on the treadmill for one hour. I lie not, when it gets down to the last ten minutes I, on more than enough occasions, hit the stop button.

I talked about me being a quitter a lot last year in this blog. The Lord has really brought me a long way with the quitting thing because it was nothing for me to walk away from friendships, a church, or even my family. But over the last few years the Lord has really developed patience and understanding in me and so I’m learning how to live out the full life-cycle in the things and people placed in my life.

But this quitting at the last hour thing is a little different. The other day I was at work and at about 2:30p I couldn’t take it anymore so I got up and walked out. I had already been there working since 9:00a, so well over half my day was gone. But I got weary and said the heck with it. The next day when I got to work my colleague told me that a former colleague who’d moved out of the country had did a surprise drop-in about an hour after I left. Now don’t get me wrong……I’m an accomplishment-atic. So I do press a lot to see the fruits of my labor. But every now and again a situation will come up where I just don’t feel like completing and so I just quit.

The Lord has been actually dealing with me about this issue for a while. But just this week I received the revelation that on those times that I decide to quit are the times when the breakthrough was about to occur. See, I’m in the gym at least 3-4 times a week. And on the day that I decide to hit the stop button on the treadmill is the day that some weight was suppose to drop. Or a muscle to be strengthened. Something. But I worked long enough to NOT see the full manifestation.

So I was thinking about all of the things in the natural that I can see and gauge by like the clock or calendar. But what about when I’m laboring and cannot see the finish line. I think about all of those times when I threw in the towel because I couldn’t see the end result, the finish line. ***Give me a moment. I’m seriously sitting here thinking about this thing****.

One night I dreamed a dream. I was walking along the beach with my Lord. Across the dark sky flashed scenes from my life. For each scene, I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand, one belonging to me and one to my Lord.

When the last scene of my life shot before me I looked back at the footprints in the sand. There was only one set of footprints. I realized that this was at the lowest and saddest times of my life. This always bothered me and I questioned the Lord about my dilemma.

"Lord, You told me when I decided to follow You, You would walk and talk with me all the way. But I'm aware that during the most troublesome times of my life there is only one set of footprints. I just don't understand why, when I need You most, You leave me."

He whispered, "My precious child, I love you and will never leave you, never, ever, during your trials and testings. When you saw only one set of footprints, It was then that I carried you." --Footprints