Emotions Make You Cry Sometimes

Church was AWESOME today!!! Actually it always is. You know why I love my church, because our leadership knows how to disrupt our personal agendas. No, no. We don’t get those soothing….. “It’s gonna be alright after while” or “Here are the 10 steps to fulfilling destiny” messages. NOPE. We get the “fall on your face and surrender your mess to God and then sit your butt down and learn how to submit to God’s authority--in Jesus Name” messages. LOL. Seriously.

My pastor ain’t concerned with the new wave of the churches these days---the fad churches. He makes it clear that until we are broken we cannot fulfill God’s purpose for our lives. Cause any ministry coming out of an unbroken vessel is operating out of self-motives. I love it. Cause I was thirsting for a church of accountability. Leadership that ain't gonna let me just run with my bright ideas just cause I have gifts and talents that are in full operation outside of the church. Nope. Christ told me to drop it and follow Him. However He chooses to use my gifts and talents is purely up to Him and His timing. But right now……..I’m seeking His face. Not His hand, HIS FACE! Cause I want His perfect will, not His permissive will. I’m tired of doing things my way. Cause my way don’t work. But I’m understanding that to fully surrender to God and allow Him full reign over my life will cost my flesh something. And it doesn’t always feel good.

Which brings me right into my thoughts tonight. Feelings. Emotions. I remember years ago my cousin use to run this song by the 90’s R&B boy band H-Town called Emotions. The lyrics went: “Emotions make you cry sometimes, emotions make you sad sometimes, emotions make you glad sometimes, but most of all they make you fall in love.” One time at a family function I caught him sitting by the lake alone blasting this song while shedding a tear. It seemed strange from a person, a grown 20-something year old man, who seemed to have everything all under control. But witnessing that made me know that everybody has feelings.

(Deep breath). Where in the world do I start without “revealing” too much--lol. No, no…some things are not for everybody’s ear--lol. Anyway, this week has been a week of emotional stories. Ok, it ain’t no secret that everybody cries. And it definitely ain’t no secret that even the strong ones get our feelings hurt. But I’m just thinking that a lot of heartache and headache can be avoided if we stop acting and reacting out of our emotions.

I had a conversation with one of my girlfriends over the weekend…….about men. You know how us single women do---lol. We lay it down! Anyway, we both came to the realization that a man that operates solely out of his emotions is a dangerous thing. We both knew this, but this weekend we took some time to discuss it at length--lol. Over the last few years the Lord has revealed to me that a lot can be determined by examining a man's feelings toward his ex. If a man has bitterness, hatred, and hostility towards his ex…….that’s a huge red flag. Especially when children are involved. Cause those are uncontrollable, undealtwith feelings that will be brought into new relationships. So our conversation was basically that we refuse to settle for a man that God has not approved. PERIOD. And that goes for both emotions rubbing us the right way or wrong way. Period. But when a man has anger management issues that can potentially turn into violence, uuummmm, that clearly is not a man of God. And we’re not accepting that same ole tired line…… “every relationship has problems.” Ummmmm, NOT. Call me after deliverance has taken place. As a matter of fact, I’ll call you when I see the change. And that’s only if the Lord directs.

Then I was having a conversation with another girlfriend and she flat out told me, “Jill my entire life is driven by my emotions.” She said she is trying so hard to break this norm in her life, but she’s finding it to be extremely difficult, which in turn makes her give up trying. Cause she’s driven by emotions. Whatever feels right she does and whatever feels wrong, she doesn’t do. The problem is…..usually what’s right she doesn’t do, and what’s wrong….she does. She’s admitted that her life has been in shambles, as well as a life of paranoia, because of being driven by emotions.

This is such a miserable way to live because you’ll accomplish nothing. I have a colleague that doesn’t come to work if its raining. Not because she’s elderly or don’t have windshield wipers. But because the rain makes her in a somber mood and its best for her to stay home instead of womp womping the office. Then I have another colleague who uses a big light device in her office because of her depression. If the bulb dies out then we’re all in trouble. But to make it easier on her emotions, her boss allows her to work from home in the fall when time goes back just so that she doesn’t fall into a depression at work.

I had a conversation with [my friend] about being led by emotions months ago and he put it so plain. He said that the best way to break emotional patterns is to pump the Word of God all day long. Once you know the Word and what God says about being led by the flesh versus being led by the Spirit, life will become so much easier. And when you get off the Word and rely on self action you’ll know you’re off course.

I’m so understanding this now. Cause I ain’t gonna lie…..sometimes its just easier to say “kiss my _____!” LOL, but as soon as that negativity starts to rise in me I’m reminded of God’s Word; in particularly the ninth fruit of the Spirit----SELF-CONTROL. Yes, yes…..everybody wants to talk about having love and joy and peace and patience, but rarely do we hear about exhibiting self-control. And when you’re talking about matters of the heart and mind, you have to talk about self-control.

Then the other night I had a conversation with my sister about another emotion-----moodiness. I’m telling you….that girl is the funniest person I know. She can tell the most serious story and make me laugh. Anybody laugh. She’s hilarious. Anyway……she was telling me about an associate of ours who is just plain ole MOODY. Ok, don’t get me wrong…..I can be moody too (AND SO CAN SHE!!!) But I ain’t gonna lie, Mondays aren’t always my best. But trust when I tell you……anybody who knows me knows when to leave me be. Especially my colleagues. Don’t call no meeting on a Monday morning. Cause chances are I ain’t coming---lol. And when I’m on a deadline, don’t knock, don’t call, don‘t send an email…….leave me ALONE. And then there are my Sunday afternoons…….awwwww. But for the most part…..we are happy, go-lucky people. If we are in a “mood” we lock ourselves in seclusion. If we dare to come out……trust that we have put on our happy face. That’s both of us. Cause we both realize that it’s so not about us and our feelings.

So me and my sister were discussing a situation about our moody associate and we were cracking up. I mean, how can you call yourself wanting to preach and you can’t even speak to people outside the pulpit. I mean, you speak when you feel like it. If you feel like it. And how can you speak in tongues and not speak to your fellow brethren. I mean there are days when I’m feeling my worse, but you better believe nobody knows it. I remember a couple of months ago I was battling a serious situation, heartache was involved, but I still had a responsibility and commitment to go to my Strike Force class. I so wanted to stay in the bed and sleep it off. But I had to put my feelings aside and be obedient to my commitment. But that Saturday evening as we sat in class, my sister told me later that evening that when she looked at me it seemed as if I was gonna breakdown. She said it looked as if somebody touched me with a feather I would fall over. I remember that day so vividly. Actually, I remember the date as well. To others, I was the same ole chipper Jill. But my sister knows me and so she felt my pain.

That evening, my pastor called an altar call before dismissing class and said that he saw in the Spirit that somebody was going through some heartache. With everything I had in me I got up and went to the altar. I didn’t cry nor did I question God. I simply surrendered the situation cause I refused to take that emotion into another hour of my life. I left there in such peace. For four days I had carried that pain on my back, but the Lord kept reminding me of Psalm 37 and so I decided, I decided, I decided……to release it.

But I don’t care how strong we are and how much of an effort we put into moving forward without emotional baggage, there comes a time when we all surrender into our feelings. I think what is happening is that I’m learning how to deal with my feelings--you know how to act and react in my feelings. How to process my feelings. Anyway, today I hurt. For my best girlfriend. Cause she’s hurting. As she was giving me the rundown late last night, I felt her pain. Cause she really doesn’t deserve it. And so today I hurt. For her. And I’ve been crying too.

Jesus wept. --John 11:35