Pressing Forward

Ok, I’ve been seriously knocked down, but not knocked out. Last Sunday, I think it was last Sunday, I started feeling under the weather. By Monday, I couldn’t make it to work so I tried to get a doctor’s appointment, but ended up in the emergency room. Tuesday, I couldn’t get out of the bed. Wednesday, I was determined to go to work since I have pressing deadlines, but even with all my will and determination I could only last half day. Thursday I was just about under the bed. Everything was hurting.

But something happened Thursday night. I got a huge burst of energy, jumped out the bed and started taking care of some things that I had neglected for days. I had so much energy. And so while I made good use of my energy, I also mentally planned my work day on Friday. I was wired. But then I couldn’t fall asleep. In fact, I didn’t end up falling asleep until 5:30a on Friday morning, the time in which I should have been getting up to pray.

Needless to say, I didn’t make it in to work on Friday either. I had fell back into exhaustion. I started coughing hysterically again and my body got used to being back in the bed. I was all messed up. But even with all the weirdness going on with my body I was determined to go to the grocery store, get my car waxed, and make it to prayer service Friday night. I managed to do all, but by the time I got in Friday night I was worn out.

This morning, it was my plan to go to the gym and have a good workout, followed by some relaxation in the steam room. Didn’t happen. In fact, I couldn’t even get myself out the bed to get something to drink. Just drained. I missed umpteen phone calls cause I couldn’t seem to wake-up. Just groggy. But by 5pm-ish, I jumped up out of the bed and declared….. “I’m tired of not living!!!!!”

I had to stop and think. This was the first week in two years that I hadn’t made it to the gym. This was the first week in a year that I hadn’t written in my blog. And this was the FIRST week in 9 years that I missed an entire week of work being sick. Even after having surgery, I made it back to work in 3 days. Then I heard the Spirit speaking that satan is trying to take me out by attacking my body. Usually, that’s how he operates. He takes your body down and then your mind. And once the two are in cohorts then he got you. I’ve noticed that after Wednesday, my mind started speaking louder than my body. I guess I scared him on Thursday night when I jumped out of bed, so he tried a little harder. But he knows he has to wake up real early to defeat me.

I seriously believe that this is one of the best ways to defeat folk. By getting us confined to the house. Being a prisoner in our own home. I know a girl who hasn’t worked in years and even when she does get a job she can’t keep it. She continuously complain about sickness and illness, but nothing seems to really be wrong. If you go to her house it is a pure dump, stuff everywhere. She complains that she’s too “sick” to clean up. I used to think it was a cop out, but being on my back this week I realized that its not. It is an illness in the mind that manifests to the body. It’s purpose is to destroy. To take you out. That’s how I felt this week. Like satan wanted to take me down. Not so much to a grave death, but a living death. Just unproductive. Not doing nothing.

This evening I got up. At one point I felt like it, at another I didn’t. But I could no longer listen to the negative thing in my ear that said “rest”. I’ve rested long enough. I’m tired of lying in the bed with life passing me by. I’ve missed 7 whole days and it feels like a lifetime. I managed to wash my hair, fold the 4 baskets of clothes that I’ve neglected, clean the bathroom, and get myself prepared for church tomorrow. My mind and my body are pissed at me, but my Spirit is saying…… “this is my child and I got purpose for her”.

I’m realizing that pressing forward is not about a feeling cause we’ll never “feel” like doing anything. But its about putting faith into action. It's about taking up the bed and walking. Pressing forward.

We want each of you to show this same diligence to the very end, in order to make your hope sure. We do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised. --Hebrews 6:11-12