So I stumbled across Larry King last night and he had……..the Haggards on as guests. The more I hear the story, the more I’m…….well I really don’t know how I feel. There’s a lot of components to this. In any other unfortunate, private situation I’d be hesitant to express my views, especially when it concerns the body of Christ, but since the Haggards are talking I guess it’s alright for me to voice my opinion.
About the scandal…….
I think Ted Haggard got punked by satan---lol. No seriously, the sad part is that the scandal that blew up in the public happened in the mid 90s. That’s when he and his family was dis-fellowshipped and ousted from Colorado. Can you imagine being ousted from your state, the state in which you own a piece of, still having to pay a mortgage on the home that sits in the state. C’mon now. But I guess that wasn’t enough to make Ted choose wisely, cause dude had another sex scandal in 2006. With another man. In the church. This evil spirit has definitely gotten a hold of dude. He needs some serious deliverance. Unfortunately, a lot of the newer mega ministries do not practice all of the gifts of the Holy Spirit and only focus on motivational types of messages. The building of self. And we all know that when self is built and exalted it leaves no room for the Holy Spirit to operate. And when the Holy Spirit is not operating your world is bound to crash. That’s where a lot of churches are today. Motivating people. Therefore, casting out demons and healing the sick are considered “spooky spiritual”. Ted Haggard says it best……."I'm seeking and crying out to God for deliverance."
About gay pastors……..
Umph. I knew this was bound to come up---lol. Why me??? Ok, something needs to be said. First, can I say this. Ok, not that I know ANYTHING about gays cause I’m operating on limited knowledge---and clearly out of the mind. But outside of having a hilarious gay aunt, I don't have any gay friends or loved ones. I know some gay folk, but they don't know that I know they're gay--lol. So outside of that, I don't know what the gay movement is all about. But I do know that being gay does not just equal sexual immorality. There are LOTS of folk—gay and straight---participating in immoral sexual activity. I think it is very degrading to look at a gay person (or anybody) and only think about them in terms of sexual activity and what they do behind closed doors. I’d like to believe that there are many gay folks who are living wholesome for God. Am I wrong? That's why I don't think I like the fact that gays are all lumped up together in one society. There are some that makes being gay a trendy thing. One day their gay and the next straight. Some are hardcore. Some men are super feminine. And there are some men and women that are walking around that you wouldn't know they are gay. Shouldn't it be this way. Well, I really don't know cause I believe that satan would have us all confused and fighting one another.
So do I believe that a gay person can pastor? Absolutely!! But if you’re not married---gay or straight---then one shouldn’t be participating in sexual activities. And if you are participating you shouldn't hold a leadership position in the church. However, I do believe that if gays (or straight) participate in pre-marital sexual activities then God can forgive their sins. We’re saved by grace, not by the law. So do I believe that gays can marry? From my understanding of the Word of God I only believe in marriage between a man and a woman. I think this is what makes life more difficult for gays who are Christian cause I firmly believe that there are some gays who, too, interpret the Word as I do. It’s a challenge. I know what it feels like to be celibate until married. And it’s not easy. But at least I have something to look forward to. I can’t even imagine what gays are going through so I'm not going to assume that its a choice to be gay. But I do believe that we have a choice on what to do with our bodies and that comes with a daily walk of faith. For gays and straight.
That just brings me to the main point I wanted to make even on yesterday’s entry. Whether Ted Haggard is gay or not isn’t the issue, but more that he broke the vows he made to God concerning his commitment to his wife. And children. And congregation. Cause Ted chose to fall prey to his lustful desires. But society makes me laugh. Especially the church. We’re so quick to throw stones. I mean, would it have made any difference if he chose to have immoral sexual activity with a woman???? I mean, c’mon. That’s what really makes me feel that what has come over Ted is invoked by satan. Dude yearned for immoral sexual acts and drugs!!! I heard nothing said that he wanted a committed relationship with a man outside of sex and outside of his marriage. Ted just wanted to fulfill fleshly pleasure. That’s why Oprah pissed me off just focusing on whether he is considered gay or not. THAT’S NOT THE ISSUE. Dude responds and submits to a compulsive behavior that makes him indulge in illicit sexual activities. That can be any gender!!
About the church.............
The church need to get a freaking clue!!!! First, why don't we start binding satan in the congregation as a whole and stop displaying individual sins. Hanging folk out to dry. And who in the world gives the church the authority to oust someone from a state??????? I think that the board who ousted the Haggards should have been up for scrutiny. I mean really, what did they think they were doing???? Kicking him out of the presence of God. Thank God the congregation eventually welcomed the Haggards back and started to show some Godly love.
But can I say something that will probably ruffle a few feathers? I'ma say it ANYWAY!!! Until we start embracing gays we are not walking in love, nor do we know what it truly means to love. Sin is sin. Period. And we all do it. Continuously. But by God's grace we are forgiven. Unfortunately, when we sin the Spirit in us dies. That's like continuing to nail Christ to the cross. And that's why we shouldn't continue to fall prey to sin. But sinning is a personal act between the participating parties and God. The church has no business making decisions for God. And more than likely, not even based on the Word of God, but out of their own controlling self-serving man-made rules. Get over it. I'm not saying to embrace the sexual immoral activity that a lot of gays participate in, but embrace gay people. Ok, can we just consider people as people and not by society's labels!!!! All kinds of "people" are here on earth and I firmly believe that a lot of us genuinely love God. And God loves us. Period.
About the Haggard family………..
I firmly believe that God will get the glory out of our mess. For the Word says that all things work together for the good of him who loves Christ. And the blessing in all of this is the display of a true Godly family. Not a perfect family, but a family who is made perfect in God because of an imperfection. And not that its easy or that they done anything in their might to respond the way they did, but they're exemplifying what it means to have a true relationship with God through their faith.
And man. Talk about forgiveness. When we look up the word forgiveness in the dictionary I’m sure we’ll see Gayle Haggard's face. She even went as far as to say that if it happened again she would rely on the same faith that brought her this far…..meaning she would choose to forgive her husband again and move on with the man she loves. Now that’s love. That's Godly love.
You know I always say that you can tell the integrity of a couple by the integrity of the children. You know the fruits a couple bear. The Haggard children must have been taught something good in the household cause you can see the Spirit of God all over them. And just to hear their oldest son say that something to this magnitude probably needed to happen because now they’re able to connect with their father and look at him as a human and not as an exalted icon. I'm sure many are feeling like this. Like their parents or loved ones have become so big and famous that they're untouchable. The Haggard kid said that he hardly ever seen his father when his father was pastoring. Cause his father was always traveling and didn't have time for the family. But God. Umph. But God. Only God can take a grim situations and turn it inside out.
I think the best way to end this entry is to simply say that a family that prays together, stays together. God bless the Haggards. And the entire Body of Christ.
But he that is joined unto the Lord is one spirit. Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body. What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? --1 Corinthians 6:17-19
Who changed the truth of God into a lie, and worshipped and served the creature more than the Creator, who is blessed for ever. Amen. For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature: And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet. And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient; Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers, backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents, without understanding, covenantbreakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful: Who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them. --Romans 1:25-32
For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. --Romans 6:23
Friday, January 30, 2009
Thursday, January 29, 2009
People in High Places
Yes, yes……I stayed home yesterday cause I don’t do icy conditions. And I’m ashamed to say that it has nothing to do with hurting myself if I slip and fall, but the embarrassment it causes when trying to break the fall. Been there, done that. A lot. Talk about all your cool points being redeemed at once---lol. So yes, I stayed home and read my good book, and then watched……Oprah (ugh!).
Why in the world did it have to be bad weather on the day that this Oprah episode aired!!!! The one on falling pastor, Ted Haggard. Can I really express myself today. Thanks. Cause I’m pissed and I feel the need to vent--lol.
Ok, don’t know who’s familiar with Ted Haggard, but he is the former pastor of a multi-mega church in Colorado, happily married with a wonderful family, but then he got caught up in a gay scandal which cost him just about everything. Ok, I’ve gotta choose my words carefully so bear with me. Um, he lost everything except for his wife and children for they decided to stick by his side even after they all were dis-fellowshipped from the mega church that actually started in the Haggard’s basement in the mid 80s.
So he was on Oprah yesterday explaining his story. And I’m pissed because this played right up Oprah’s alley. Granted, hearing the story does make you halt in your tracks and can cause a trickle affect of questions, but bottomline……….He still believes and trusts in God, and I firmly believe that God STILL loves and accepts him. He too tried to explain this, but Oprah wasn’t trying to hear it. But I’m pissed because…..why in the world would he go on her show to tell his story!!! I know that there’s a documentary being done on his life that’s to air tonight, but I cringe at the thought of him going on Oprah just to get publicity for the airing. And Lord knows I hope it ain't for money. If this is the case, he just widened the crack in his foundation making it even easier for satan to mess with his life. Umph.
First, Oprah doesn’t know Jesus!!! Nor is she a believer. She made it clear that Jesus is not her path to God for she believes in multiple paths. And it’s made public that she’s settled on the “Me, the Being in this Universe” path—you know that new A New Earth religion. So of course everything Ted Haggard was trying to say she was either non-receptive or completely confused. She even went as far as to call him a hypocrite. You know how she does when she goes into Judgmental Oprah. Yeah, she was in that role yesterday and was loving every minute of it. Of course the audience co-signed her even when she wasn’t soliciting their support.
Second, and this is what REALLY pissed me off……every time Ted Haggard’s wife, Gayle kept trying to explain her point on how she came to deal with and understand her husband’s situation Oprah tried to make her look like a passive, naïve wife who doesn’t have a clue. That wasn’t the case at all. But the poor woman couldn’t even get her point out. So I’ll make it here. What Gayle Haggard was trying to say is that we all have a “bad” side in us. Ok, it’s called our flesh. But it is up to us to make a choice to act on our fleshly call in which her husband did resulting in this scandal. Not only did he respond to the flesh on having multiple sexual relations with a male prostitute, but he also did drugs. But he had a choice and he chose to act on his flesh. That's what she was trying to say.
Oprah disagreed with her and went as far as to tell Gayle Haggard that “I will not agree with you”. What Oprah said, after slyly calling Ted Haggard a hypocrite and looking as if another “I told ya so” mark was being placed in her Book of Spirituality, is that Ted Haggard should stop denying that he’s gay, embrace it because the sin is in his denial. But Ted Haggard made it clear that although he cannot fully consider himself a heterosexual, he doesn’t want to be considered a homosexual either for he truly loves and desires his wife and wants to live a life in which he believes God intended for him. As a faithful man with one wife---his wife. In saying that, Ted Haggard truly believes that God will deliver him. God being able to deliver one from fleshly activity went waaay over Oprah’s head and so cause she couldn’t possibly understand it with her earthly mind she stuck with the……….BUT YOU’RE A PASTOR, WHO IS LIVING A SECRET GAY LIFE, DECEIVING MILLIONS OF PEOPLE. Totally just focusing on the external. The fleshly man which resulted in the scandal, but being closed-minded to the man that clearly has a heart and desire for God, as well has for his wife and children, and his former congregation. Oprah was ears-shut, made her judgemental decision and the poor Haggards fell right into her trap. So I’m pissed.
Ok, I’d be the first to say, just as Oprah admitted, that I have NO CLUE of how it feels to be gay and to have to live in such a hateful, judgmental world while dealing with such a controversial lifestyle. But what I do know is how it feels to deal with an internal, fleshly issue that has affected and caused havoc on my life. Maybe not on the magnitude of the Haggards, but its still an issue that can destroy. It’s the issue of dealing with my weight. My weight goes up and down. Depending on the circumstances in my life…..I eat. I overeat. Food can be considered a drug for me. Specifically, cookies. I don’t care what mood I’m in……cookies---any kind but preferably Ginger Snaps---will always make me feel better. I use them to cope cause I can eat them one after the other without thinking. For comfort. And I’ve paid a price for this sickness and am seeking God for deliverance. I’ve gained much weight from this fleshly desire in which I consciously choose over and over. But what’ll you know…….Oprah can relate. So let me try to explain this to her.
Oprah if you’re listening, Ted Haggard’s situation is really no different than yours. The same fleshly desire that is up and rampant in making him choose to do sinful things is the same fleshly desire running rampant in you. You know…..those desires over the last 25 years that makes you wanna overeat, overeat, overeat. The one that made you come clean in front of millions just a few weeks ago and beg for sympathy. Did Bob Green, your god, just leave you hanging to fend for yourself? Didn’t Bob “forgive” you? And still accepts you, meeting you at your need, dusting you off, and starting over. Oprah, is it fair to say to you………just admit and embrace that you are 200lbs cause you will always be overweight, and so you should consider yourself a BIG GIRL? There’s a whole community of big girls who are proud to be who they are and embrace it, why not you? Should you stop trying to fool yourself and the world?
No, it’s not fair to say that to you Oprah. Believe it or not, we all support you in your weight issue battle. And we all know that you don’t want to be a certain way and so that’s why you constantly take drastic measures to be the person you truly desire to be. Don’t you? Ain’t nothing wrong with that. When one comes to realize that the fleshly side is destroying who they believe God intended them to be, then its time for an intervention. A spiritual intervention. You believe that Bob Green can change you, so why can’t Ted Haggard believe that God can change him? Unfortunately, you’ll never understand until you come to know Jesus as YOUR PERSONAL Lord and Savior. So I’ll stop here.
But in our time something new has been added. What Moses and the prophets witnessed to all those years has happened. The God-setting-things-right that we read about has become Jesus-setting-things-right for us. And not only for us, but for everyone who believes in him. For there is no difference between us and them in this. Since we've compiled this long and sorry record as sinners (both us and them) and proved that we are utterly incapable of living the glorious lives God wills for us, God did it for us. Out of sheer generosity he put us in right standing with himself. A pure gift. He got us out of the mess we're in and restored us to where he always wanted us to be. And he did it by means of Jesus Christ. –Romans 3:21-24 (The Message)
For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God….. –Romans 3:23
Why in the world did it have to be bad weather on the day that this Oprah episode aired!!!! The one on falling pastor, Ted Haggard. Can I really express myself today. Thanks. Cause I’m pissed and I feel the need to vent--lol.
Ok, don’t know who’s familiar with Ted Haggard, but he is the former pastor of a multi-mega church in Colorado, happily married with a wonderful family, but then he got caught up in a gay scandal which cost him just about everything. Ok, I’ve gotta choose my words carefully so bear with me. Um, he lost everything except for his wife and children for they decided to stick by his side even after they all were dis-fellowshipped from the mega church that actually started in the Haggard’s basement in the mid 80s.
So he was on Oprah yesterday explaining his story. And I’m pissed because this played right up Oprah’s alley. Granted, hearing the story does make you halt in your tracks and can cause a trickle affect of questions, but bottomline……….He still believes and trusts in God, and I firmly believe that God STILL loves and accepts him. He too tried to explain this, but Oprah wasn’t trying to hear it. But I’m pissed because…..why in the world would he go on her show to tell his story!!! I know that there’s a documentary being done on his life that’s to air tonight, but I cringe at the thought of him going on Oprah just to get publicity for the airing. And Lord knows I hope it ain't for money. If this is the case, he just widened the crack in his foundation making it even easier for satan to mess with his life. Umph.
First, Oprah doesn’t know Jesus!!! Nor is she a believer. She made it clear that Jesus is not her path to God for she believes in multiple paths. And it’s made public that she’s settled on the “Me, the Being in this Universe” path—you know that new A New Earth religion. So of course everything Ted Haggard was trying to say she was either non-receptive or completely confused. She even went as far as to call him a hypocrite. You know how she does when she goes into Judgmental Oprah. Yeah, she was in that role yesterday and was loving every minute of it. Of course the audience co-signed her even when she wasn’t soliciting their support.
Second, and this is what REALLY pissed me off……every time Ted Haggard’s wife, Gayle kept trying to explain her point on how she came to deal with and understand her husband’s situation Oprah tried to make her look like a passive, naïve wife who doesn’t have a clue. That wasn’t the case at all. But the poor woman couldn’t even get her point out. So I’ll make it here. What Gayle Haggard was trying to say is that we all have a “bad” side in us. Ok, it’s called our flesh. But it is up to us to make a choice to act on our fleshly call in which her husband did resulting in this scandal. Not only did he respond to the flesh on having multiple sexual relations with a male prostitute, but he also did drugs. But he had a choice and he chose to act on his flesh. That's what she was trying to say.
Oprah disagreed with her and went as far as to tell Gayle Haggard that “I will not agree with you”. What Oprah said, after slyly calling Ted Haggard a hypocrite and looking as if another “I told ya so” mark was being placed in her Book of Spirituality, is that Ted Haggard should stop denying that he’s gay, embrace it because the sin is in his denial. But Ted Haggard made it clear that although he cannot fully consider himself a heterosexual, he doesn’t want to be considered a homosexual either for he truly loves and desires his wife and wants to live a life in which he believes God intended for him. As a faithful man with one wife---his wife. In saying that, Ted Haggard truly believes that God will deliver him. God being able to deliver one from fleshly activity went waaay over Oprah’s head and so cause she couldn’t possibly understand it with her earthly mind she stuck with the……….BUT YOU’RE A PASTOR, WHO IS LIVING A SECRET GAY LIFE, DECEIVING MILLIONS OF PEOPLE. Totally just focusing on the external. The fleshly man which resulted in the scandal, but being closed-minded to the man that clearly has a heart and desire for God, as well has for his wife and children, and his former congregation. Oprah was ears-shut, made her judgemental decision and the poor Haggards fell right into her trap. So I’m pissed.
Ok, I’d be the first to say, just as Oprah admitted, that I have NO CLUE of how it feels to be gay and to have to live in such a hateful, judgmental world while dealing with such a controversial lifestyle. But what I do know is how it feels to deal with an internal, fleshly issue that has affected and caused havoc on my life. Maybe not on the magnitude of the Haggards, but its still an issue that can destroy. It’s the issue of dealing with my weight. My weight goes up and down. Depending on the circumstances in my life…..I eat. I overeat. Food can be considered a drug for me. Specifically, cookies. I don’t care what mood I’m in……cookies---any kind but preferably Ginger Snaps---will always make me feel better. I use them to cope cause I can eat them one after the other without thinking. For comfort. And I’ve paid a price for this sickness and am seeking God for deliverance. I’ve gained much weight from this fleshly desire in which I consciously choose over and over. But what’ll you know…….Oprah can relate. So let me try to explain this to her.
Oprah if you’re listening, Ted Haggard’s situation is really no different than yours. The same fleshly desire that is up and rampant in making him choose to do sinful things is the same fleshly desire running rampant in you. You know…..those desires over the last 25 years that makes you wanna overeat, overeat, overeat. The one that made you come clean in front of millions just a few weeks ago and beg for sympathy. Did Bob Green, your god, just leave you hanging to fend for yourself? Didn’t Bob “forgive” you? And still accepts you, meeting you at your need, dusting you off, and starting over. Oprah, is it fair to say to you………just admit and embrace that you are 200lbs cause you will always be overweight, and so you should consider yourself a BIG GIRL? There’s a whole community of big girls who are proud to be who they are and embrace it, why not you? Should you stop trying to fool yourself and the world?
No, it’s not fair to say that to you Oprah. Believe it or not, we all support you in your weight issue battle. And we all know that you don’t want to be a certain way and so that’s why you constantly take drastic measures to be the person you truly desire to be. Don’t you? Ain’t nothing wrong with that. When one comes to realize that the fleshly side is destroying who they believe God intended them to be, then its time for an intervention. A spiritual intervention. You believe that Bob Green can change you, so why can’t Ted Haggard believe that God can change him? Unfortunately, you’ll never understand until you come to know Jesus as YOUR PERSONAL Lord and Savior. So I’ll stop here.
But in our time something new has been added. What Moses and the prophets witnessed to all those years has happened. The God-setting-things-right that we read about has become Jesus-setting-things-right for us. And not only for us, but for everyone who believes in him. For there is no difference between us and them in this. Since we've compiled this long and sorry record as sinners (both us and them) and proved that we are utterly incapable of living the glorious lives God wills for us, God did it for us. Out of sheer generosity he put us in right standing with himself. A pure gift. He got us out of the mess we're in and restored us to where he always wanted us to be. And he did it by means of Jesus Christ. –Romans 3:21-24 (The Message)
For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God….. –Romans 3:23
Monday, January 26, 2009
Bag Lady
It’s sooo ironic how things happen. You know.....how and why we're urged to do things. Actually, I shouldn’t call it “ironic” for I firmly believe in God’s divine plan for my life, in ordering my steps. I pray daily to be at the right place, at the right time, with the right people, for the right reasons according to God’s will. Cause I want to operate in His divine time. Not mine.
So my weekend was…….if I can put it in one word: PRODUCTIVE.
It started out Friday going to church with my sister. I met my girlfriends there. We stayed pretty late. It was a late night revival. And so we didn’t get out of church until 2:00am. God was moving all through that place. Folk getting delivered and set free. I enjoyed every minute of it. But it was late when we got out and so I decided to stay at my sister’s house instead of trekking up to da ‘burg. However, my sister had an unplanned training to do in New York, meaning that she had to leave at 6am. Yes, we got in about 2:30am and she had to be out by six. Yes, a good two hours of sleep for the both of us cause I had decided to leave out with her since it would be daylight.
So we got to my sister’s house and my niece had my bed ready---lol. I slept under the That’s So Raven bed ensemble and listened to the Disney Channel while I slept since I politely gave my niece the option of keeping the television on or turning it off. She decided to keep it on……so I had to deal with it--lol. Despite the twin bed with the both of us in it along with all of her dolls, stuff animals, and furry pillows I did manage to get a good hour and a half sleep. When my sister woke us up I felt rested. Very unusual for me. Especially on a Saturday morning.
At about 6:30am, I made my way to my neck of the woods. I guess cause I had my gym clothes in the car something came over me and said……go to the gym. And so I did. It was packed. But I managed to get a machine. And got a really good workout. I didn’t leave until after 10am. I don’t know, its something about the morning time. Maybe I have to do the early Saturday morning gym thing more often. I said maybe--lol.
After the gym, I had so much energy that I stopped at the gas station---something I procrastinate on---filled up the car, headed to my favorite car detailing place and got a fresh wax job, and then went to the grocery store. I had the energy. But then it started snowing and I wanted to be home. By that time it was close to 1pm. So I went home. Since I’m still fasting……..there was really nothing for me to do, so I got in the bed and went to sleep. Before I knew it, it was 6pm!!! I had no energy. I was hungry, but too tired to get up and eat. However, I was so glad that I had gotten a lot accomplished meaning that I didn’t have to get up if I didn’t want to.
But then my girlfriend Ericka called. We talked on the phone for about an hour and a half as I lay in my bed. We were having a really good conversation in which was waaay overdue. She’s quite busy these days in her doctoral program and other community activities. But time was on our side and so we took full advantage of it. See, that's why its so important to have certain types of people in your inner circle. Cause they can make you or break you. Ericka helps make me a better person. Always have. And I think I do the same for her. Ok, I do--lol. As soon as I hung up, I jumped out of the bed and started doing what I have been neglecting.........cleaning.
Somewhere and somehow (ok, I know who), I got my second wind and so I started cleaning like nobody’s business. From the kitchen, to the living room, to the den, to the laundry room, to the bathroom, and then to my bedroom. I mean, I washed clothes, changed linen, scrubbed floors, dusted, vacuumed, streak-shined mirrors, and sanitized, deodorized, and lit my scented candles. Not that my house was "dirty"---or unpresentable---but it just didn’t feel right. My environment plays a big part in my mood and so it has to feel, look, and smell right for me to maintain. Seriously. I’m a firm believer in aromatherapy and organization. And when these things are in place I feel right and can function at my highest potential. When things are cluttered and not-so clean I go straight to my bedroom and get in the bed. Seriously. I don't feel like doing NOTHING. Not even thinking. So I guess it’s safe to say that I can go into a lite depression when things are out of order for me. But I be dag-on if I’m going there. So cleaning must be my way of fighting.
Anyway, it was well after 1:00am when I finished. I was so proud of myself for getting it all done. Any other time I would’ve taken a room per weeknight since my weekends are very unpredictable. But I got it all done within hours. And was glad about it. But as I’m walking to the kitchen to get something to drink before turning in for the evening (morning—lol), it didn’t feel 100% right. I mean, I hadn’t cleaned this thoroughly since before the holidays—just spot cleaning here and there. So I was pretty proud of my accomplishment, but it still didn’t feel right.
Then I saw it. My purse/tote bag/briefcase sitting next to my nightstand. It’s been my intentions to clean out my bag for weeks. I’ve been really neglecting it. Not that I don't appreciate it because I absolutely luuuuuv this bag. I actually stumbled across it at a consignment shop in Bethesda last year. Probably some rich Potomac woman’s husband talked her into purging her mega-sized closet. What a purge. The Italian designer I have never heard of, but the leather of the bag is second to none. I knew when I saw it I had better grab it. And for $12 there was no way I was leaving it.
And so for the last couple of weeks I've been going crazy because of the clutter in my bag. Not a norm, but things have just been piling up.......in my bag—lol. Just to name the few necessities that I carry EVERYDAY (even on the weekends)……..wallet, business card holder, checkbook, 2008 planner, 2009 planner, cell phone, two mirrors, 3 bottles of lotion, wipes, umpteen pens, lip gloss, writing tablet, umbrella, fingernail clipper, hand sanitizer, toothpaste and toothbrush, bag of cough drops, tissues, gum, calculator, library book, granola bar, chap stick, keys, loose change. Those are the things that I can remember. But I was going crazy thinking of going into another week carrying junk. So I got my THIRD wind and dumped everything out on my bed.
By the time I finished it was wee hours in the morning. But not only did I clean out my bag, I also planned my budget for the year, balanced my checkbook, and transferred items from my 2008 planner to my 2009 one. Ok, there are just some things that I cannot rely on the Blackberry. And planning is one. I need to write things down. And so after I did that, I drifted off to sleep and slept like a baby. Cause my unplanned mission was completed.
This morning as I was coming into work I was reminded of the importance of having a clean, clutter-free environment. It plays a big part in life’s functions. At least for me it does. When things are in order I just think better. I act better. I feel better. I've noticed that its during these times that I make major life decisions. Boy, you'd be surprised to know what's in the works for 2009--lol!!! Just made the decision yesterday---lol!!!
Anyway, so I get a call at about 11am this morning. From my new client who is seeking life coaching. And not that I would divulge such confidential information, but I will reveal this………the client is literally going crazy, pulling her hair out, because she needs help in organizing and improving her living environment. Umph. Wow. How ironic.
So my weekend was…….if I can put it in one word: PRODUCTIVE.
It started out Friday going to church with my sister. I met my girlfriends there. We stayed pretty late. It was a late night revival. And so we didn’t get out of church until 2:00am. God was moving all through that place. Folk getting delivered and set free. I enjoyed every minute of it. But it was late when we got out and so I decided to stay at my sister’s house instead of trekking up to da ‘burg. However, my sister had an unplanned training to do in New York, meaning that she had to leave at 6am. Yes, we got in about 2:30am and she had to be out by six. Yes, a good two hours of sleep for the both of us cause I had decided to leave out with her since it would be daylight.
So we got to my sister’s house and my niece had my bed ready---lol. I slept under the That’s So Raven bed ensemble and listened to the Disney Channel while I slept since I politely gave my niece the option of keeping the television on or turning it off. She decided to keep it on……so I had to deal with it--lol. Despite the twin bed with the both of us in it along with all of her dolls, stuff animals, and furry pillows I did manage to get a good hour and a half sleep. When my sister woke us up I felt rested. Very unusual for me. Especially on a Saturday morning.
At about 6:30am, I made my way to my neck of the woods. I guess cause I had my gym clothes in the car something came over me and said……go to the gym. And so I did. It was packed. But I managed to get a machine. And got a really good workout. I didn’t leave until after 10am. I don’t know, its something about the morning time. Maybe I have to do the early Saturday morning gym thing more often. I said maybe--lol.
After the gym, I had so much energy that I stopped at the gas station---something I procrastinate on---filled up the car, headed to my favorite car detailing place and got a fresh wax job, and then went to the grocery store. I had the energy. But then it started snowing and I wanted to be home. By that time it was close to 1pm. So I went home. Since I’m still fasting……..there was really nothing for me to do, so I got in the bed and went to sleep. Before I knew it, it was 6pm!!! I had no energy. I was hungry, but too tired to get up and eat. However, I was so glad that I had gotten a lot accomplished meaning that I didn’t have to get up if I didn’t want to.
But then my girlfriend Ericka called. We talked on the phone for about an hour and a half as I lay in my bed. We were having a really good conversation in which was waaay overdue. She’s quite busy these days in her doctoral program and other community activities. But time was on our side and so we took full advantage of it. See, that's why its so important to have certain types of people in your inner circle. Cause they can make you or break you. Ericka helps make me a better person. Always have. And I think I do the same for her. Ok, I do--lol. As soon as I hung up, I jumped out of the bed and started doing what I have been neglecting.........cleaning.
Somewhere and somehow (ok, I know who), I got my second wind and so I started cleaning like nobody’s business. From the kitchen, to the living room, to the den, to the laundry room, to the bathroom, and then to my bedroom. I mean, I washed clothes, changed linen, scrubbed floors, dusted, vacuumed, streak-shined mirrors, and sanitized, deodorized, and lit my scented candles. Not that my house was "dirty"---or unpresentable---but it just didn’t feel right. My environment plays a big part in my mood and so it has to feel, look, and smell right for me to maintain. Seriously. I’m a firm believer in aromatherapy and organization. And when these things are in place I feel right and can function at my highest potential. When things are cluttered and not-so clean I go straight to my bedroom and get in the bed. Seriously. I don't feel like doing NOTHING. Not even thinking. So I guess it’s safe to say that I can go into a lite depression when things are out of order for me. But I be dag-on if I’m going there. So cleaning must be my way of fighting.
Anyway, it was well after 1:00am when I finished. I was so proud of myself for getting it all done. Any other time I would’ve taken a room per weeknight since my weekends are very unpredictable. But I got it all done within hours. And was glad about it. But as I’m walking to the kitchen to get something to drink before turning in for the evening (morning—lol), it didn’t feel 100% right. I mean, I hadn’t cleaned this thoroughly since before the holidays—just spot cleaning here and there. So I was pretty proud of my accomplishment, but it still didn’t feel right.
Then I saw it. My purse/tote bag/briefcase sitting next to my nightstand. It’s been my intentions to clean out my bag for weeks. I’ve been really neglecting it. Not that I don't appreciate it because I absolutely luuuuuv this bag. I actually stumbled across it at a consignment shop in Bethesda last year. Probably some rich Potomac woman’s husband talked her into purging her mega-sized closet. What a purge. The Italian designer I have never heard of, but the leather of the bag is second to none. I knew when I saw it I had better grab it. And for $12 there was no way I was leaving it.
And so for the last couple of weeks I've been going crazy because of the clutter in my bag. Not a norm, but things have just been piling up.......in my bag—lol. Just to name the few necessities that I carry EVERYDAY (even on the weekends)……..wallet, business card holder, checkbook, 2008 planner, 2009 planner, cell phone, two mirrors, 3 bottles of lotion, wipes, umpteen pens, lip gloss, writing tablet, umbrella, fingernail clipper, hand sanitizer, toothpaste and toothbrush, bag of cough drops, tissues, gum, calculator, library book, granola bar, chap stick, keys, loose change. Those are the things that I can remember. But I was going crazy thinking of going into another week carrying junk. So I got my THIRD wind and dumped everything out on my bed.
By the time I finished it was wee hours in the morning. But not only did I clean out my bag, I also planned my budget for the year, balanced my checkbook, and transferred items from my 2008 planner to my 2009 one. Ok, there are just some things that I cannot rely on the Blackberry. And planning is one. I need to write things down. And so after I did that, I drifted off to sleep and slept like a baby. Cause my unplanned mission was completed.
This morning as I was coming into work I was reminded of the importance of having a clean, clutter-free environment. It plays a big part in life’s functions. At least for me it does. When things are in order I just think better. I act better. I feel better. I've noticed that its during these times that I make major life decisions. Boy, you'd be surprised to know what's in the works for 2009--lol!!! Just made the decision yesterday---lol!!!
Anyway, so I get a call at about 11am this morning. From my new client who is seeking life coaching. And not that I would divulge such confidential information, but I will reveal this………the client is literally going crazy, pulling her hair out, because she needs help in organizing and improving her living environment. Umph. Wow. How ironic.
Friday, January 23, 2009
It's F-R-I-D-A-Y!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok, it's my usual Friday. Busy, busy, busy. The thing is......I haven't gotten anything done. Ok, I take that back. I sent out TWO emails--business that is. But that's all I've been able to do because for some reason I've been on-demand. Since I walked in this morning I've been pulled in corners, offices, hallways, cubicles, and even stopped in the bathroom. Just folk needing to talk to me, wanting my feedback and opinion, and some needing to vent. Sometimes I say.....why me. But then I thank God for being a good communicator--lol. Or at least a listening ear.
At about 2pm I felt relieved at the thought of me getting in some gym time this evening. I so need to de-stress, but then my sister called and interrupted that. The plans we have for tonight is a "must-be-at-by-a-certain-time" thing so the gym will have to wait until tomorrow morning.
Umph.
I sure need the gym. That's what us single women gotta resort to---lololol. So I'ma have to take my chances and be late meeting my sister. My body has needs. Umph.
At about 2pm I felt relieved at the thought of me getting in some gym time this evening. I so need to de-stress, but then my sister called and interrupted that. The plans we have for tonight is a "must-be-at-by-a-certain-time" thing so the gym will have to wait until tomorrow morning.
Umph.
I sure need the gym. That's what us single women gotta resort to---lololol. So I'ma have to take my chances and be late meeting my sister. My body has needs. Umph.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Am I Dreaming - 1/22/09
Ok, so this year I thought I’d take it up a notch and document something that has been occurring for as long as I can remember. Probably since I was a little girl. As I’ve expressed in a couple of entries, I am a dreamer. Seriously, the Lord will show me things in dreams and when I wake up He will give me the revelation. Not only that, I can interpret others dreams. Several of my friends come to me for interpretation of their dreams. It’s weird. And I’d have to admit that sometimes I have to second guess myself like did I really dream that before it happened. For a long time I didn’t know what my weird dreaming was about because I just thought that everybody dreams this way. But just over the last few years, I’ve understood that this form of revelation is truly a gift from God. So I embrace it wholeheartedly.
One of my most memorable dreams occurred in 2004. I’ll keep this dream private---lol---but in a nutshell…..I didn’t meet the person in the dream until 2007. Yes, the person I saw in the dream in 2004 I had never seen in my life. The dream was so powerful that I called my girlfriends and screamed when I woke up. I can remember it like it was yesterday. For three whole years I was baffled because the dream didn't reflect my past. So when I came in contact with this person in 2007, it was the same person I met in my dream in 2004!!! In fact, it wasn’t just the person, but another person that was with him. I saw them both. I think after this dream unfolded in 2007 it was confirmed that I had a gift. And that God was truly in control----lol.
So I’ve decided to start a new series of entries entitled, Am I Dreaming. And whenever I have a must-tell dream I will post. So to start it off, I’ll tell of a dream that I had last week. I know its a bit late, but bear with a sistah, please.
Ok, I dreamt that I was with a group of people at some type of fellowship. Don’t remember why and where. But amongst the group was Kirk Franklin. Yes, the Gospel singer. Anyway, Kirk told me to get his Bible and to look up Matthew 13:13-16. So I did what he instructed. But before I got a chance to read it to him I opened my eyes. So as I was waking up I grabbed my Bible off of my nightstand and turned to Matthew 13:13-16. The funny thing is that I had that page folded as if I had started reading it and didn’t finish. Seriously, I don’t remember. And I can tell you that since I’ve been on BibleGateway.com, I hardly ever read the hardback unless I’m in church. So I don’t know when the last I was reading Matthew 13 from that particular Bible. But the page was folded and so I turned it back, found verse 13 and started reading. Then I was stunned. This is what it says:
This is why I speak to them in parables: “Though seeing, they do not see; though hearing, they do not hear or understand.” In them is fulfilled the prophecy of Isaiah: “‘You will be ever hearing but never understanding; you will be ever seeing but never perceiving. For this people’s heart has become calloused; they hardly hear with their ears, and they have closed their eyes. Otherwise they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts and turn, and I would heal them.’ But blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear. –Matthew 13:13-16
One of my most memorable dreams occurred in 2004. I’ll keep this dream private---lol---but in a nutshell…..I didn’t meet the person in the dream until 2007. Yes, the person I saw in the dream in 2004 I had never seen in my life. The dream was so powerful that I called my girlfriends and screamed when I woke up. I can remember it like it was yesterday. For three whole years I was baffled because the dream didn't reflect my past. So when I came in contact with this person in 2007, it was the same person I met in my dream in 2004!!! In fact, it wasn’t just the person, but another person that was with him. I saw them both. I think after this dream unfolded in 2007 it was confirmed that I had a gift. And that God was truly in control----lol.
So I’ve decided to start a new series of entries entitled, Am I Dreaming. And whenever I have a must-tell dream I will post. So to start it off, I’ll tell of a dream that I had last week. I know its a bit late, but bear with a sistah, please.
Ok, I dreamt that I was with a group of people at some type of fellowship. Don’t remember why and where. But amongst the group was Kirk Franklin. Yes, the Gospel singer. Anyway, Kirk told me to get his Bible and to look up Matthew 13:13-16. So I did what he instructed. But before I got a chance to read it to him I opened my eyes. So as I was waking up I grabbed my Bible off of my nightstand and turned to Matthew 13:13-16. The funny thing is that I had that page folded as if I had started reading it and didn’t finish. Seriously, I don’t remember. And I can tell you that since I’ve been on BibleGateway.com, I hardly ever read the hardback unless I’m in church. So I don’t know when the last I was reading Matthew 13 from that particular Bible. But the page was folded and so I turned it back, found verse 13 and started reading. Then I was stunned. This is what it says:
This is why I speak to them in parables: “Though seeing, they do not see; though hearing, they do not hear or understand.” In them is fulfilled the prophecy of Isaiah: “‘You will be ever hearing but never understanding; you will be ever seeing but never perceiving. For this people’s heart has become calloused; they hardly hear with their ears, and they have closed their eyes. Otherwise they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts and turn, and I would heal them.’ But blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear. –Matthew 13:13-16
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
A Full Measure of Happiness
“……..we all deserve a full measure of happiness” --President Barack Obama
Umph! Where do a sistah begin. Let me just start by saying that I had a very “happy” inaugural weekend. Ok, let me just say this first…….being “happy” is based on something happening so my new president said it best when implying that we gotta make it happen. That is…..whatever it takes to make us happy---do it!!. Got it. Good. Lol.
Ok, so I started my inaugural weekend on Saturday at a friend’s house. It was our “40 Years to the Promised Land” celebration and it was WONDERFUL. I would say the highlight was seeing my good buddy—an ex-pro football player. I had actually had a lengthy conversation with him on Friday, prior to the celebration, and he’d revealed to me that he had given his life to the Lord. You know me……actions speak louder than words, so I wanted to see him. Cause I know the man prior. Lol. But when I saw him…….man!!!! Yes, yes…..he’s a changed man. And I am ecstatic. There is a God!!! On Friday, he’d told me his two-year testimony (that was the last I’d spoken to him) and how God just totally changed his life. I had chills. I was—am—so happy for him. He’d given most of the credit to his new girlfriend which is the daughter of a pastor. She smiled proudly as he introduced us.
I like meeting new folk. I really do. Especially folk who are making it happen. But the celebration overall was great, with a really nice crowd---not overcrowded, but with all rooms filled and engrossed into good conversation. The food was good and plentiful. No drama, ok a slight inconsiderate issue, but nothing that would hinder our good time. Me and another girlfriend, and a male guest, were the last to leave. I guess we were the ones with the energy cause we ended up cleaning and packing up the rest of the food along with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It was too late to trek all the way up to the ‘burg, so I decided to crash at my mother’s.
On Sunday, my older sister called my mother’s house at 8:00a.m. Yes, yes……for some way out of the norm reason she wanted to go down to the Inaugural Concert on the Mall. Not her at all. Cause she has zero patience, zero tolerance, and can get really ugly if she thinks she’s disrespected. So yes, we were all surprised by her family outing invite. And since I was already on that end, I said why the heck not. So we went. Me and my sisters and my 9 year-old niece, and we had a ball!!!! The “Obama” energy was crazy down on the mall. It is always good to see all nationalities coming together in love for a common cause. Like at my church. I just love that.
By the time we made it back to my mother’s, where our cars were parked, I was unwalkable. Ok, that’s a new word—lol. But I was soooo tired and exhausted. Cause I think we walked at least 3 miles, and stood for a good 5 hours straight. In a sub zero rainy midst. As soon as I got in the house I plopped on the sofa. I just wanted Sunday dinner and to get in my car to go home to my bed. I did manage to eat a full course meal with dessert, watched the game---YES MY STEELERS ARE GOING TO THE SUPERBOWL---and get into a brief discussion with the fam. Then I was out. I was home in the bed by midnight.
On Monday, it snowed!!! Ok, I think I was the only one who got shoveable snow. Seriously, I did. Cause I live closer to the PA mountains--lol. But I love when it snows and don’t have any plans. Actually, I did go out. I didn’t want the snow to ice up on my car so I got out while the snow was thickening and cleaned my car. And then I drove to the store cause I had a taste for some turkey burgers. That was after 6pm since I’m still fasting believe it or not. But after eating and chatting on the phone for a couple of hours, I got back in the bed to enjoy the rest of my time off.
And yesterday. Whew!! Yesterday. The swearing in, and the parade, and all the balls. Ok, I woke up at 9am-ish just in time to see the Obama’s going into church. Yal, T.D. Jakes preached. That should tell us a little something. And I’m told---by my mother who gets all the scoop---that Jakes has been “secretly” advising the Obamas throughout this campaign. That explains why Jakes was mouth-shut on Larry King a couple of months ago. But I’m happy. I’m happy because there’s just so much speculation on the Obama's spiritual beliefs. I’m sure they know by now that this victory ain’t got nothing to do with their education or might. In fact, if you look back and try to add it up…..it don’t. That’s God!!!!
But yesterday were too many highlights to name. One of my favorites was the transfer of power when the Obamas walked the Bushes to the helicopter. It just looked like such a burden lifted off of the Bushes, but such a fresh, doable responsibility for the Obamas. I cried of course. And Joseph Lowery's benediction. I screamed. Literally. And last night, yes yes, I was one of the ones who waited up to see “the dress”. I was a little disappointed, but felt Michelle can wear a trash bag and still be fierce---lol. To my delight, my colleague, who managed to get ball tickets at the last minute, said that television did no justice to Michelle because in person she was absolutely stunning in her loose fitting white gown.
This morning, I made it in to work. And as I was coming in I thought about what Obama said about happiness, and then I thought about having the Holy Spirit and having so much more than happiness. And then I thought………..I deserve the full measure of it all.
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.” --Galatians 5:22
Umph! Where do a sistah begin. Let me just start by saying that I had a very “happy” inaugural weekend. Ok, let me just say this first…….being “happy” is based on something happening so my new president said it best when implying that we gotta make it happen. That is…..whatever it takes to make us happy---do it!!. Got it. Good. Lol.
Ok, so I started my inaugural weekend on Saturday at a friend’s house. It was our “40 Years to the Promised Land” celebration and it was WONDERFUL. I would say the highlight was seeing my good buddy—an ex-pro football player. I had actually had a lengthy conversation with him on Friday, prior to the celebration, and he’d revealed to me that he had given his life to the Lord. You know me……actions speak louder than words, so I wanted to see him. Cause I know the man prior. Lol. But when I saw him…….man!!!! Yes, yes…..he’s a changed man. And I am ecstatic. There is a God!!! On Friday, he’d told me his two-year testimony (that was the last I’d spoken to him) and how God just totally changed his life. I had chills. I was—am—so happy for him. He’d given most of the credit to his new girlfriend which is the daughter of a pastor. She smiled proudly as he introduced us.
I like meeting new folk. I really do. Especially folk who are making it happen. But the celebration overall was great, with a really nice crowd---not overcrowded, but with all rooms filled and engrossed into good conversation. The food was good and plentiful. No drama, ok a slight inconsiderate issue, but nothing that would hinder our good time. Me and another girlfriend, and a male guest, were the last to leave. I guess we were the ones with the energy cause we ended up cleaning and packing up the rest of the food along with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It was too late to trek all the way up to the ‘burg, so I decided to crash at my mother’s.
On Sunday, my older sister called my mother’s house at 8:00a.m. Yes, yes……for some way out of the norm reason she wanted to go down to the Inaugural Concert on the Mall. Not her at all. Cause she has zero patience, zero tolerance, and can get really ugly if she thinks she’s disrespected. So yes, we were all surprised by her family outing invite. And since I was already on that end, I said why the heck not. So we went. Me and my sisters and my 9 year-old niece, and we had a ball!!!! The “Obama” energy was crazy down on the mall. It is always good to see all nationalities coming together in love for a common cause. Like at my church. I just love that.
By the time we made it back to my mother’s, where our cars were parked, I was unwalkable. Ok, that’s a new word—lol. But I was soooo tired and exhausted. Cause I think we walked at least 3 miles, and stood for a good 5 hours straight. In a sub zero rainy midst. As soon as I got in the house I plopped on the sofa. I just wanted Sunday dinner and to get in my car to go home to my bed. I did manage to eat a full course meal with dessert, watched the game---YES MY STEELERS ARE GOING TO THE SUPERBOWL---and get into a brief discussion with the fam. Then I was out. I was home in the bed by midnight.
On Monday, it snowed!!! Ok, I think I was the only one who got shoveable snow. Seriously, I did. Cause I live closer to the PA mountains--lol. But I love when it snows and don’t have any plans. Actually, I did go out. I didn’t want the snow to ice up on my car so I got out while the snow was thickening and cleaned my car. And then I drove to the store cause I had a taste for some turkey burgers. That was after 6pm since I’m still fasting believe it or not. But after eating and chatting on the phone for a couple of hours, I got back in the bed to enjoy the rest of my time off.
And yesterday. Whew!! Yesterday. The swearing in, and the parade, and all the balls. Ok, I woke up at 9am-ish just in time to see the Obama’s going into church. Yal, T.D. Jakes preached. That should tell us a little something. And I’m told---by my mother who gets all the scoop---that Jakes has been “secretly” advising the Obamas throughout this campaign. That explains why Jakes was mouth-shut on Larry King a couple of months ago. But I’m happy. I’m happy because there’s just so much speculation on the Obama's spiritual beliefs. I’m sure they know by now that this victory ain’t got nothing to do with their education or might. In fact, if you look back and try to add it up…..it don’t. That’s God!!!!
But yesterday were too many highlights to name. One of my favorites was the transfer of power when the Obamas walked the Bushes to the helicopter. It just looked like such a burden lifted off of the Bushes, but such a fresh, doable responsibility for the Obamas. I cried of course. And Joseph Lowery's benediction. I screamed. Literally. And last night, yes yes, I was one of the ones who waited up to see “the dress”. I was a little disappointed, but felt Michelle can wear a trash bag and still be fierce---lol. To my delight, my colleague, who managed to get ball tickets at the last minute, said that television did no justice to Michelle because in person she was absolutely stunning in her loose fitting white gown.
This morning, I made it in to work. And as I was coming in I thought about what Obama said about happiness, and then I thought about having the Holy Spirit and having so much more than happiness. And then I thought………..I deserve the full measure of it all.
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.” --Galatians 5:22
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Makes Me Wanna Shout!
Ok, I don't know what happened. Somehow my sisters talked me into going down to the Inaugural Concert on the Mall and I actually had a ball!!! Ok, Garth Brooks is the man!!! When he started singing........ "you know you make me wanna shout" the millions of people down there went off. It literally felt like the ground was shaking.
I'm tired now. I'm sure I walked a good five miles. And a half. And I'm supa tired. I'm at my MUUUTHER's house and gettin ready to chow down on some Sunday dinner.
Mission accomplished.
I'm tired now. I'm sure I walked a good five miles. And a half. And I'm supa tired. I'm at my MUUUTHER's house and gettin ready to chow down on some Sunday dinner.
Mission accomplished.
Friday, January 16, 2009
A Mind Thing
Ok, so I had an interesting conversation with my girlfriend this morning. Actually, it wasn’t until the ending of the conversation that I got the revelation.
A couple of days ago, I “stumbled” across the Oprah show and they were talking about spirituality. I don’t know why Oprah insists on “preaching” when she doesn’t know what the heck she’s talking about. For starters, CHRIST IS THE WAY AND THE ONLY WAY!! And all other religions or non-Christian spiritual practices are derived from Christianity. They’re fake and they take bits and pieces (the parts of Christianity that seems to make sense to the flesh) and come up with some man-made mental, “let me fool others too” mess. Like the new religion The New Earth that Oprah insists on pushing. This movement relies on the inner self for life’s operation. As I’ve expressed in one of my first blog entries back in April 2008…..when we come to the point of solely relying on our sinful selfish self…….it’s really time to get right with Christ. Talk about a new earth.
So I was watching Oprah and she had a panel of guests who all went through some traumatic life experience. I think one couple had lost a son suddenly and the other---who knows. And so they were guests because they had all figured out how to handle their issues by self-awareness of some sort which they called a spiritual experience. And so one of Oprah’s spiritual “experts” said that spirituality has to do with the knowing of your hands, heart, and something else off the wall—some other body part. And the “expert” was expressing that when you have come into one with yourself you will begin the healing process of your issue and that that is the “ah ha” moment. And then Oprah added her two cents with something crazy like…… “and yes that’s when you know [whatever]” STOP!!!
Can I say something? If you can figure out [whatever] with the finite mind, that’s not spirituality, that’s science!!!! Period. Ok, let me expand this. It’s not spirituality as one would think of like Christianity. But what it is is satan invoked spirits. See, because unsaved people can’t figure out Christ, and want Him, but don't want to fully submit..…when they do find an answer to their deep issues they automatically think they have spirituality, but in actuality it’s a play on the mind. And we all know that the mind is satan’s playground.
Let me say this…..everyone has a soul. And either you give your soul to God---through Christ or your soul remains void and is open to satan. That's when folk are miserable and unhappy, cause satan is fighting for their souls. But they want answers. So that's when you'll hear foolishness like.... "the universe this and the universe that. And there's many ways to God through the universe." See, satan’s job is to trick the mind. And therefore those who aren’t Christians and are not filled with the Holy Spirit are cookoo. lolol. Cause they rely on their mental capacity to maintain on earth. And God forbid when they can't figure stuff out and their mind gets overloaded. No, no, no…….they can’t handle it. That's where devasting acts like suicide comes in.
The reason why Christianity is the true and only way to God is because it truly operates in the Supernatural realm where God is. And unfortunately, if one does not have the Holy Spirit they do not have access to the Supernatural. Period. And it pisses satan off. Satan desires to understand what is said when we speak in tongues. He can't. And so he has people like Oprah using her earthly power to make new religious movements. But any other religious perversion operates in the spirit of darkness and remains closed to the true and living God. And those of us who are operating in darkness......its a constant struggle with the mind, the body, and the soul. But those of us who have Christ residing in us…….well we got it easy cause Christ is fighting our battles and working things out for us. And so we're at peace. Even when all hell is breaking lose around us.
So, I was having a conversation with my girlfriend and it was really personal. Can’t divulge here. You know how girlfriends do. And so she asked me---cause I have to admit it’s mind boggling---about one of my personal issues. And after an hour or so of discussing it I had to tell her simply….. “I don’t know what is going to happen tomorrow, or next week, or next year. I really don’t know.” Me, Jill, with all my smarts and problem-solving skills couldn't give an answer---lol. And at that moment, I felt a strong peace come over me. And at that moment I KNEW that God is in control.
A couple of days ago, I “stumbled” across the Oprah show and they were talking about spirituality. I don’t know why Oprah insists on “preaching” when she doesn’t know what the heck she’s talking about. For starters, CHRIST IS THE WAY AND THE ONLY WAY!! And all other religions or non-Christian spiritual practices are derived from Christianity. They’re fake and they take bits and pieces (the parts of Christianity that seems to make sense to the flesh) and come up with some man-made mental, “let me fool others too” mess. Like the new religion The New Earth that Oprah insists on pushing. This movement relies on the inner self for life’s operation. As I’ve expressed in one of my first blog entries back in April 2008…..when we come to the point of solely relying on our sinful selfish self…….it’s really time to get right with Christ. Talk about a new earth.
So I was watching Oprah and she had a panel of guests who all went through some traumatic life experience. I think one couple had lost a son suddenly and the other---who knows. And so they were guests because they had all figured out how to handle their issues by self-awareness of some sort which they called a spiritual experience. And so one of Oprah’s spiritual “experts” said that spirituality has to do with the knowing of your hands, heart, and something else off the wall—some other body part. And the “expert” was expressing that when you have come into one with yourself you will begin the healing process of your issue and that that is the “ah ha” moment. And then Oprah added her two cents with something crazy like…… “and yes that’s when you know [whatever]” STOP!!!
Can I say something? If you can figure out [whatever] with the finite mind, that’s not spirituality, that’s science!!!! Period. Ok, let me expand this. It’s not spirituality as one would think of like Christianity. But what it is is satan invoked spirits. See, because unsaved people can’t figure out Christ, and want Him, but don't want to fully submit..…when they do find an answer to their deep issues they automatically think they have spirituality, but in actuality it’s a play on the mind. And we all know that the mind is satan’s playground.
Let me say this…..everyone has a soul. And either you give your soul to God---through Christ or your soul remains void and is open to satan. That's when folk are miserable and unhappy, cause satan is fighting for their souls. But they want answers. So that's when you'll hear foolishness like.... "the universe this and the universe that. And there's many ways to God through the universe." See, satan’s job is to trick the mind. And therefore those who aren’t Christians and are not filled with the Holy Spirit are cookoo. lolol. Cause they rely on their mental capacity to maintain on earth. And God forbid when they can't figure stuff out and their mind gets overloaded. No, no, no…….they can’t handle it. That's where devasting acts like suicide comes in.
The reason why Christianity is the true and only way to God is because it truly operates in the Supernatural realm where God is. And unfortunately, if one does not have the Holy Spirit they do not have access to the Supernatural. Period. And it pisses satan off. Satan desires to understand what is said when we speak in tongues. He can't. And so he has people like Oprah using her earthly power to make new religious movements. But any other religious perversion operates in the spirit of darkness and remains closed to the true and living God. And those of us who are operating in darkness......its a constant struggle with the mind, the body, and the soul. But those of us who have Christ residing in us…….well we got it easy cause Christ is fighting our battles and working things out for us. And so we're at peace. Even when all hell is breaking lose around us.
So, I was having a conversation with my girlfriend and it was really personal. Can’t divulge here. You know how girlfriends do. And so she asked me---cause I have to admit it’s mind boggling---about one of my personal issues. And after an hour or so of discussing it I had to tell her simply….. “I don’t know what is going to happen tomorrow, or next week, or next year. I really don’t know.” Me, Jill, with all my smarts and problem-solving skills couldn't give an answer---lol. And at that moment, I felt a strong peace come over me. And at that moment I KNEW that God is in control.
I say over and over again.........if you can handle your issues by figuring out what to do then you do not need God. That's you having control over your life. But some of us trusts God to the point of almost embarrassment cause we can't give a finite answer when asked about our motive for doing things. Its those times when you feel in your Spirit that something is supposed to be a certain way, but you don't know why its not happening how you think it should happen. Can't figure it out for nothing. Can't see where you're going. Just being obedient and staying on course. And people looking at you like you're crazy cause you got crazy faith. And you're at peace. Whew!! I'ma cry thinking about it. And I can guarantee.......that's when you know that God is in control.
The man without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned. The spiritual man makes judgments about all things, but he himself is not subject to any man's judgment: "For who has known the mind of the Lord that he may instruct him?" But we have the mind of Christ. --1 Corinthians 2:14-18
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Fast Lane to Saturday
I’m on serious countdown. It’s gonna be on and popping in DC this weekend for all of the Inaugural festivities and I somehow got myself in on the mix. Ok, wait a minute. I ain’t going inside the beltway. No, no, no. Only if Barry and Michelle PERSONALLY invite me to one of their ten events---lol. No, no, no. I refuse to get stuck inside the district with a whole bunch of tourists--lol. I'll stay in my neck of the woods---in the suburbs. Close enough. I work downtown everyday and I walk the monument and the backyard of the white house at least three times a week.....so I ain't missing much. But I am actually hosting a “40 Years to the Promised Land” event at a friend’s house on Pennsylvania Avenue Extended on Saturday. I’m sure traffic will be slow around these parts too since it will be a major driving corridor---Penn Avenue from MD and I-95 runs smack dab into DC. So I’m not looking forward to getting there or making my way home, but I am excited.
The last we checked……..the guest list was ooooooverflowing. My friend is actually getting a little nervous and kinda hoping folk will stop RSVPing. Not good since I had to convince her to open up her abode. She’s so laid back and private. But I’m like hey…..what’s the use of having a big ole beautiful home and not entertain in it. So back in November when I was trying to “sell” her she thought about it real hard……and then said YES LET’S DO IT!! My friend is so overdue for some personal excitement (me too—lol) and God knows we have so much to celebrate.
The event is planned to be very, very simple and laid back with good folk, good food, and fun. My good buddy will actually be there and I’m very excited to see him. Hadn’t seen him in a couple of years and the last we talked he actually called me to say……. “congratulations”. I was so baffled by his greeting, but then he joked and said that I must have gotten married since I hadn’t called him. He’s actually an ex-professional football player…..won’t mention his name or his team since he’s well-known. No, not a Redskin.....but well-known. So it will be good to see him on Saturday talking trash no doubt---lol.
The menu is nothing short of fried chicken, macaroni and cheese, potato salad, string beans……….and all of the other stuff that goes along with a high-blood pressure spread. Me and another girlfriend just finalized the menu this morning and she’s going shopping tonight. And she's cooking. No, not I. I had the easy part----guest list and invitations. So we’re on countdown. The celebration cake has been ordered and furniture is being rearranged as I type.
But there’s an issue……….
My 15-day fast starts tomorrow!! And I didn’t know until this past weekend that our fast was starting this week, and I had been planning the inaugural event for the last few months. Soooooo………….the Lord comes first and “partying” second. Well, I don’t “party”, so I won’t go that far. But when the Lord calls…..I must be obedient. I’ll just have to rearrange my time on Saturday to coincide with the fast. The fast is actually nothing but water from 6am-6pm, and after that I can eat. But I take my fast beyond the food and I shut down completely. So from 6am-6pm will be no television, internet, chatty conversation and socializing, radio (Gospel only), and I don’t even read mail or magazines. I completely shut down. Sooooo, I’ll have to let my girlfriend know that I can’t be at her house until 6pm. Of course I wanted to get there early. But oh well. I hope I won't be too late. The invite said 5pm……..but you know how we are. So it’ll be fine.
The last we checked……..the guest list was ooooooverflowing. My friend is actually getting a little nervous and kinda hoping folk will stop RSVPing. Not good since I had to convince her to open up her abode. She’s so laid back and private. But I’m like hey…..what’s the use of having a big ole beautiful home and not entertain in it. So back in November when I was trying to “sell” her she thought about it real hard……and then said YES LET’S DO IT!! My friend is so overdue for some personal excitement (me too—lol) and God knows we have so much to celebrate.
The event is planned to be very, very simple and laid back with good folk, good food, and fun. My good buddy will actually be there and I’m very excited to see him. Hadn’t seen him in a couple of years and the last we talked he actually called me to say……. “congratulations”. I was so baffled by his greeting, but then he joked and said that I must have gotten married since I hadn’t called him. He’s actually an ex-professional football player…..won’t mention his name or his team since he’s well-known. No, not a Redskin.....but well-known. So it will be good to see him on Saturday talking trash no doubt---lol.
The menu is nothing short of fried chicken, macaroni and cheese, potato salad, string beans……….and all of the other stuff that goes along with a high-blood pressure spread. Me and another girlfriend just finalized the menu this morning and she’s going shopping tonight. And she's cooking. No, not I. I had the easy part----guest list and invitations. So we’re on countdown. The celebration cake has been ordered and furniture is being rearranged as I type.
But there’s an issue……….
My 15-day fast starts tomorrow!! And I didn’t know until this past weekend that our fast was starting this week, and I had been planning the inaugural event for the last few months. Soooooo………….the Lord comes first and “partying” second. Well, I don’t “party”, so I won’t go that far. But when the Lord calls…..I must be obedient. I’ll just have to rearrange my time on Saturday to coincide with the fast. The fast is actually nothing but water from 6am-6pm, and after that I can eat. But I take my fast beyond the food and I shut down completely. So from 6am-6pm will be no television, internet, chatty conversation and socializing, radio (Gospel only), and I don’t even read mail or magazines. I completely shut down. Sooooo, I’ll have to let my girlfriend know that I can’t be at her house until 6pm. Of course I wanted to get there early. But oh well. I hope I won't be too late. The invite said 5pm……..but you know how we are. So it’ll be fine.
Friday, January 9, 2009
I Desire More
Oooooh. This is one of those umph, umph, umph entries. Don’t know where I should even begin. And I might be all over the place cause so much is going through me. So bear with me. Cause I have to release.
Ok, where do I begin. Ok, so you know how my last year was. I had such a thirst for God. I mean, I still do. But last year it was CRAZY (in a good way). In fact, if I can explain it……and I know this may seem waaay over the top, but if I can sum up in a word my spiritual walk last year it would have to be WATER. I mean, everything was as if it were a flow of water whether it was a thirst for God or tears of joy. I mean, I felt like the more water--the Holy Spirit--poured, the more I wanted to drink. And the more I drank the more I cried. Then just when I felt I had cried out and couldn’t get anymore joyful a song entered my life……..Rivers Flow on Marvin Sapp's Thirsty project. When I heard it I lost it. The song actually became the soundtrack to my 2008—lol. Yes, yes….thank you Marvin for hearing from the Lord. I actually wrote an entry about it called Waterfalls back in May.
So about a week ago, me and my mother were having a conversation about being “broken”. And I was telling her that over the last few years there has been this constant talk amongst Christians saying….. “He/she will not break me.” I had never heard of this term before in the church. The “I will not be broken” talk. I remember last year when one of my girlfriends was going through some drama with her pastor’s wife, yes the first lady of her church, she kept telling me….. “I will NOT allow her to break me.” I have to be honest…..the more she shouted this, the more confused I was. So anyway, me and my mother were talking about being broken and how Christians have become rock solid even to the point of unforgiveness. It has become a message movement. Seriously. Listen out for it. And though while I want to understand the reasons behind this talk, I still gotta go back to the foundation and say that it is when we are broken---in whatever way or situation---that we truly come into intimacy with God. And that is broken from self motives.
A couple of weeks ago, I was visiting a church and the pastor started talking about being broken. I hadn’t heard this in a long time. And so it was refreshing to hear. He was basically saying that this self-made image that we’ve built up, or that a lot of pastor’s have helped us build up, needs to be broken because, bottomline, its not about us. And you know, I’ve said this in many, many entries that Christians today have gotten so caught up in the self-help, self-repair church movement that we’ve forgotten, or don’t really know, what it is to be a Christian. Christianity should not be 100% of how to have a better, fulfilling life on earth. It has nothing to do with getting stuff. It has nothing to do with our success. It has to do with HIM and Him alone. And how to please Him. And while pleasing God and serving Him through authentic praise and worship, we get benefits. But we seek Him first and then the benefits will come. Bountiful benefits. Many, many benefits. But we’re not to seek His benefits, but the relationship with Him. And until we are BROKEN we will not get it. Bottomline. This is even in the spiritual realm. Until we go beyond the veil, until the veil is broken, we will continue to have “church” in a very shallow place. In the lobby. Lol.
You know what? Can I be raw today? I mean, we’re all adults and it ain’t like I’m about to be x-rated or nothing, but I feel I need to make my point. So here it is. It’s like a virgin---thank you Holy Spirit!!! (I just remembered a conversation I had with my sister today). But it’s like a virgin who gets married. The courting stage with her boyfriend is nice, but it’s not until the honeymoon night when the virgin is married and can officially be intimate with her husband. Her husband enters her, and then her girly part breaks. Us ex-worldly folk know the street term for this---lol. But the virgin's most discreet part breaks and blood is shed. It's something about the blood. Unfortunately, a LOT of us Christians miss this special part of true relationship in the natural, and so we don’t fully understand it in the spiritual. Cause we’re not coming to God in our purest state. And unfortunately, that’s why a lot of us Christians still maintain a “just dating” type of relationship with the Lord, and will never get to the intimacy.
See in that shallow part of the relationship it is all about self because you don’t quite have him yet. And so you have to keep up the “image”. Keep improving upon yourself. BUT ONCE YOU ARE MARRIED……….. Ok, I feel like I’m preaching now-lol. But once you are married, that is to Christ, the entire dynamic changes. And going back to that little “girlfriend/boyfriend” stage ain’t happening. So on the honeymoon night something miraculous happens. Your virginity is broken. Your body is broken. The veil is broken. And you enter into the Holy of Holies. I love this place of intimacy with Christ. Going beyond the veil. My prayer is that all Christians would get to this place in Christ. It’s actually all of ours just for the asking.
Ok, so for the last couple of days I’ve just been thinking and praying, thinking and praying. Praying and desiring more. I want more and more of God. Not his hand, HIS FACE. I want to go higher in Him. I simply want more. And so last night I had made my way home from a long day of stressful work activities. I was so tired that I couldn’t even make it to the gym. But as soon as I was going in the house, I realized that I didn’t have anything to drink in the house and that I also needed some cough drops. So, very reluctantly, I got in my car and was driving to the store. The snow was lightly falling and I was taking my time and then a song came on the radio. I had never heard it before, nor was the voice familiar. But the lyrics blew me away!! After the song went off---I had already reached the store and was just sitting in the parking lot---I waited for the song’s title and artist to be announced. Not. It didn’t happen. There was a commercial and I think the shift changed.
But I will not be defeated. You gotta really, really know me to know that if I want something really bad, I’m gonna get it--lol. So I pulled out my phone, yes my Blackberry Curve, and went to my music store and put in a word search under Gospel. I simply put in……I WANT MORE. Within seconds my soundtrack of 2009 popped up. The song is simply entitled, I Desire More. And it’s by newcomer, Crystal Aiken. I just did a yahoo search and saw that the CD will not be released until next Tuesday, so the lyrics haven’t even been published on the web yet. But I’ll try to give you a few verses as I listen from the earphones on my phone. So here it goes:
I’m needing, I’m wanting
There is something about you
I need to know more of
When I fall on my knees
It’s in my prayer, Oh God
Take me beyond the veil
Give me more of You
Oh, Lord….and if it’s not too much to ask
I wanna deeper relationship with you
I want the oil of God to flow in me
Through and through
Here I am
On bended knees
With outstretched arms crying Lord
Not my will, but Your will
Less of me, and more of You
I need more, I need more
As I go before your throne
I give the praise to You alone
I lift my hands and give you worship
For you are God alone
Let your glory fill this place
Show your hand of mercy
I can’t speak right until you come Lord
Let your presence fall on me
Here I am
Accept my words
Accept my praise
I’m broken, I’m thirsty
Let your blood flow through my veins
I gotta have more, I gotta have more
But whenever anyone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. --2 Corinthians 3:16-17
Ok, where do I begin. Ok, so you know how my last year was. I had such a thirst for God. I mean, I still do. But last year it was CRAZY (in a good way). In fact, if I can explain it……and I know this may seem waaay over the top, but if I can sum up in a word my spiritual walk last year it would have to be WATER. I mean, everything was as if it were a flow of water whether it was a thirst for God or tears of joy. I mean, I felt like the more water--the Holy Spirit--poured, the more I wanted to drink. And the more I drank the more I cried. Then just when I felt I had cried out and couldn’t get anymore joyful a song entered my life……..Rivers Flow on Marvin Sapp's Thirsty project. When I heard it I lost it. The song actually became the soundtrack to my 2008—lol. Yes, yes….thank you Marvin for hearing from the Lord. I actually wrote an entry about it called Waterfalls back in May.
So about a week ago, me and my mother were having a conversation about being “broken”. And I was telling her that over the last few years there has been this constant talk amongst Christians saying….. “He/she will not break me.” I had never heard of this term before in the church. The “I will not be broken” talk. I remember last year when one of my girlfriends was going through some drama with her pastor’s wife, yes the first lady of her church, she kept telling me….. “I will NOT allow her to break me.” I have to be honest…..the more she shouted this, the more confused I was. So anyway, me and my mother were talking about being broken and how Christians have become rock solid even to the point of unforgiveness. It has become a message movement. Seriously. Listen out for it. And though while I want to understand the reasons behind this talk, I still gotta go back to the foundation and say that it is when we are broken---in whatever way or situation---that we truly come into intimacy with God. And that is broken from self motives.
A couple of weeks ago, I was visiting a church and the pastor started talking about being broken. I hadn’t heard this in a long time. And so it was refreshing to hear. He was basically saying that this self-made image that we’ve built up, or that a lot of pastor’s have helped us build up, needs to be broken because, bottomline, its not about us. And you know, I’ve said this in many, many entries that Christians today have gotten so caught up in the self-help, self-repair church movement that we’ve forgotten, or don’t really know, what it is to be a Christian. Christianity should not be 100% of how to have a better, fulfilling life on earth. It has nothing to do with getting stuff. It has nothing to do with our success. It has to do with HIM and Him alone. And how to please Him. And while pleasing God and serving Him through authentic praise and worship, we get benefits. But we seek Him first and then the benefits will come. Bountiful benefits. Many, many benefits. But we’re not to seek His benefits, but the relationship with Him. And until we are BROKEN we will not get it. Bottomline. This is even in the spiritual realm. Until we go beyond the veil, until the veil is broken, we will continue to have “church” in a very shallow place. In the lobby. Lol.
You know what? Can I be raw today? I mean, we’re all adults and it ain’t like I’m about to be x-rated or nothing, but I feel I need to make my point. So here it is. It’s like a virgin---thank you Holy Spirit!!! (I just remembered a conversation I had with my sister today). But it’s like a virgin who gets married. The courting stage with her boyfriend is nice, but it’s not until the honeymoon night when the virgin is married and can officially be intimate with her husband. Her husband enters her, and then her girly part breaks. Us ex-worldly folk know the street term for this---lol. But the virgin's most discreet part breaks and blood is shed. It's something about the blood. Unfortunately, a LOT of us Christians miss this special part of true relationship in the natural, and so we don’t fully understand it in the spiritual. Cause we’re not coming to God in our purest state. And unfortunately, that’s why a lot of us Christians still maintain a “just dating” type of relationship with the Lord, and will never get to the intimacy.
See in that shallow part of the relationship it is all about self because you don’t quite have him yet. And so you have to keep up the “image”. Keep improving upon yourself. BUT ONCE YOU ARE MARRIED……….. Ok, I feel like I’m preaching now-lol. But once you are married, that is to Christ, the entire dynamic changes. And going back to that little “girlfriend/boyfriend” stage ain’t happening. So on the honeymoon night something miraculous happens. Your virginity is broken. Your body is broken. The veil is broken. And you enter into the Holy of Holies. I love this place of intimacy with Christ. Going beyond the veil. My prayer is that all Christians would get to this place in Christ. It’s actually all of ours just for the asking.
Ok, so for the last couple of days I’ve just been thinking and praying, thinking and praying. Praying and desiring more. I want more and more of God. Not his hand, HIS FACE. I want to go higher in Him. I simply want more. And so last night I had made my way home from a long day of stressful work activities. I was so tired that I couldn’t even make it to the gym. But as soon as I was going in the house, I realized that I didn’t have anything to drink in the house and that I also needed some cough drops. So, very reluctantly, I got in my car and was driving to the store. The snow was lightly falling and I was taking my time and then a song came on the radio. I had never heard it before, nor was the voice familiar. But the lyrics blew me away!! After the song went off---I had already reached the store and was just sitting in the parking lot---I waited for the song’s title and artist to be announced. Not. It didn’t happen. There was a commercial and I think the shift changed.
But I will not be defeated. You gotta really, really know me to know that if I want something really bad, I’m gonna get it--lol. So I pulled out my phone, yes my Blackberry Curve, and went to my music store and put in a word search under Gospel. I simply put in……I WANT MORE. Within seconds my soundtrack of 2009 popped up. The song is simply entitled, I Desire More. And it’s by newcomer, Crystal Aiken. I just did a yahoo search and saw that the CD will not be released until next Tuesday, so the lyrics haven’t even been published on the web yet. But I’ll try to give you a few verses as I listen from the earphones on my phone. So here it goes:
I’m needing, I’m wanting
There is something about you
I need to know more of
When I fall on my knees
It’s in my prayer, Oh God
Take me beyond the veil
Give me more of You
Oh, Lord….and if it’s not too much to ask
I wanna deeper relationship with you
I want the oil of God to flow in me
Through and through
Here I am
On bended knees
With outstretched arms crying Lord
Not my will, but Your will
Less of me, and more of You
I need more, I need more
As I go before your throne
I give the praise to You alone
I lift my hands and give you worship
For you are God alone
Let your glory fill this place
Show your hand of mercy
I can’t speak right until you come Lord
Let your presence fall on me
Here I am
Accept my words
Accept my praise
I’m broken, I’m thirsty
Let your blood flow through my veins
I gotta have more, I gotta have more
But whenever anyone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. --2 Corinthians 3:16-17
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Superwoman
Not! I don’t know why I continue to over extend myself, becoming overwhelmed, and end up burnt out. That’s what happened over the weekend. I was all set for my first weekend of the New Year. On Saturday the plan was to workout for at least 3 hours. And get up and go to church on Sunday. The first Sunday of the “New Year”.
So after sleeping in on Saturday morning, I had gone out on Friday night and got in really late, I made my way to the gym. Problem came. I had NO energy. I mean, I did have energy to put on my gym clothes and make it to the gym. In fact, I was enthused until I got on the treadmill. For some odd reason I started to get fatigued and tried to talk myself into just walking for a half hour. I did it. Don’t know how. But I managed to walk for ONE hour at a 3.0 speed. No incline. Definitely my weakest gym performance.
After the gym, the original plan was to go to the grocery store to buy some “healthy” food. Nope. Didn’t do that either. Cause I didn’t have the energy. So I stopped at the nearest fast food place and got some chicken. I was hungry. Weak. Tired. And….did I mention hungry. When I got home I don’t know how I showered. I just know that my hair was wet making an ugly stain on my 600-count pillow case. I do remember eating though, but I couldn’t get the bones in the trash fast enough. I was out like a light by 4:00p. Would you believe that I stayed in the bed for the last four days. I got up just enough to use the bathroom, replenish my liquids, take some meds, and alert a family member that I was still living.
Yes, yes. I’ve been sick. And to be honest, I think it was a combination of mental and physical. I think my thoughts manifested into my body causing me to be sick. As I’ve said many times, it’s something about completion that wears me out. It’s the “now what” syndrome. I had it bad on New Year’s Day. I mean, I luuuv newness and change. I mean I really love them. But the thought of finishing a goal gets me every time. In ANY situation. It’s like after working hard, in which I worked my tail off in 2008, and getting favorable results its like…….now what. Its like, “now let’s do it all over again”. Wait a minute. Is that what really wears me out???? I GOT IT………………it’s not the starting over or going to the next level, it’s the pressure I put on myself to hurry and start something new. That’s it!!!!!
I’m driven. I hear it all the time. It impresses some, intimidates others. I mean, I have to always be in motion. Doing something. Working on some type of project. Building a business or planning a family event. Or helping someone else build a business or plan an event. Even if its just in my mind and never comes to fruition. In fact, that may be best. Since it’s ongoing. I mean, I’ve had enough accomplishments in my life to be fulfilled. And I am. But I gotta be in motion. Constantly working. If not my body, my mind. I hate to be idle cause idleness can lead to depression. And hopelessness.
So 2008 ended, which was a very triumphant year for me, and I started the motor. I mean, I was planning for 2009 way before 2008 ended. But I didn’t get very far with the plan cause two days into 2009 my body said-----STOP TRYING TO BE SUPERWOMAN!!! So for the last four days I took myself off the clock. I did manage to send a text to my boss---gotta be responsible---but I can assure you I didn’t really care what I said just that I wasn’t coming in. I'm sure she understood. I try best to maintain good work ethics. And I don't abuse the system. So on Monday while I was in bed, I watched a little bit of Oprah---just curious about her weight relapse. In fact, it was another wakeup call for me that shouted---OPRAH AIN’T SUPERWOMAN EITHER!!! I found myself telling the television "take your time girl you have nothing to prove and you are human."
As I lay in the bed over the last few days, I just wanted to clear my thoughts and not be obligated to think about anything in particular. Just the goodness of God. My body was tired and I had to allow it time to heal. It needed real rest. Not rest that’s time managed. So no church, no gym, no social activities, and no family events. A phone call or two, but none initiated by me. I answered because I felt like it. No blogging and definitely no checking emails. At one time or another I ate a few cookies. Didn’t want to think about healthy eating. Or nourishment. No pressure.
Yesterday, I woke up and felt a lot better. And so a thought came in my mind to go to the gym. Not because I had to, cause I had already told myself that I was going to be free from obligation until further notice, but because I wanted to. So after The View went off I took my time and got ready. I went to the gym and walked on the treadmill as long as I wanted to. Don’t even remember how long or at what speed. I just walked. And for the first time since I could remember I didn’t feel like I was there to meet or beat a goal, but was there just because………
So for 2009 my goal is to be still and chill the heck out for I know that the Lord got my back.
Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, “Teacher, don't you care if we drown?” He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Quiet! Be still!” Then the wind died down and it was completely calm. He said to his disciples, “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?” --Mark 4:38-40
So after sleeping in on Saturday morning, I had gone out on Friday night and got in really late, I made my way to the gym. Problem came. I had NO energy. I mean, I did have energy to put on my gym clothes and make it to the gym. In fact, I was enthused until I got on the treadmill. For some odd reason I started to get fatigued and tried to talk myself into just walking for a half hour. I did it. Don’t know how. But I managed to walk for ONE hour at a 3.0 speed. No incline. Definitely my weakest gym performance.
After the gym, the original plan was to go to the grocery store to buy some “healthy” food. Nope. Didn’t do that either. Cause I didn’t have the energy. So I stopped at the nearest fast food place and got some chicken. I was hungry. Weak. Tired. And….did I mention hungry. When I got home I don’t know how I showered. I just know that my hair was wet making an ugly stain on my 600-count pillow case. I do remember eating though, but I couldn’t get the bones in the trash fast enough. I was out like a light by 4:00p. Would you believe that I stayed in the bed for the last four days. I got up just enough to use the bathroom, replenish my liquids, take some meds, and alert a family member that I was still living.
Yes, yes. I’ve been sick. And to be honest, I think it was a combination of mental and physical. I think my thoughts manifested into my body causing me to be sick. As I’ve said many times, it’s something about completion that wears me out. It’s the “now what” syndrome. I had it bad on New Year’s Day. I mean, I luuuv newness and change. I mean I really love them. But the thought of finishing a goal gets me every time. In ANY situation. It’s like after working hard, in which I worked my tail off in 2008, and getting favorable results its like…….now what. Its like, “now let’s do it all over again”. Wait a minute. Is that what really wears me out???? I GOT IT………………it’s not the starting over or going to the next level, it’s the pressure I put on myself to hurry and start something new. That’s it!!!!!
I’m driven. I hear it all the time. It impresses some, intimidates others. I mean, I have to always be in motion. Doing something. Working on some type of project. Building a business or planning a family event. Or helping someone else build a business or plan an event. Even if its just in my mind and never comes to fruition. In fact, that may be best. Since it’s ongoing. I mean, I’ve had enough accomplishments in my life to be fulfilled. And I am. But I gotta be in motion. Constantly working. If not my body, my mind. I hate to be idle cause idleness can lead to depression. And hopelessness.
So 2008 ended, which was a very triumphant year for me, and I started the motor. I mean, I was planning for 2009 way before 2008 ended. But I didn’t get very far with the plan cause two days into 2009 my body said-----STOP TRYING TO BE SUPERWOMAN!!! So for the last four days I took myself off the clock. I did manage to send a text to my boss---gotta be responsible---but I can assure you I didn’t really care what I said just that I wasn’t coming in. I'm sure she understood. I try best to maintain good work ethics. And I don't abuse the system. So on Monday while I was in bed, I watched a little bit of Oprah---just curious about her weight relapse. In fact, it was another wakeup call for me that shouted---OPRAH AIN’T SUPERWOMAN EITHER!!! I found myself telling the television "take your time girl you have nothing to prove and you are human."
As I lay in the bed over the last few days, I just wanted to clear my thoughts and not be obligated to think about anything in particular. Just the goodness of God. My body was tired and I had to allow it time to heal. It needed real rest. Not rest that’s time managed. So no church, no gym, no social activities, and no family events. A phone call or two, but none initiated by me. I answered because I felt like it. No blogging and definitely no checking emails. At one time or another I ate a few cookies. Didn’t want to think about healthy eating. Or nourishment. No pressure.
Yesterday, I woke up and felt a lot better. And so a thought came in my mind to go to the gym. Not because I had to, cause I had already told myself that I was going to be free from obligation until further notice, but because I wanted to. So after The View went off I took my time and got ready. I went to the gym and walked on the treadmill as long as I wanted to. Don’t even remember how long or at what speed. I just walked. And for the first time since I could remember I didn’t feel like I was there to meet or beat a goal, but was there just because………
So for 2009 my goal is to be still and chill the heck out for I know that the Lord got my back.
Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, “Teacher, don't you care if we drown?” He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Quiet! Be still!” Then the wind died down and it was completely calm. He said to his disciples, “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?” --Mark 4:38-40
Friday, January 2, 2009
2009 is Officially Opened
Wow!! It is a new year!!! Already 2009. Whew.
Yesterday, I was drained. I’d gone to church on New Year’s Eve and when I got home---the next morning---I crashed. Actually, I didn’t crash immediately since I was hungry when I got out of church. So I stopped at the 7-11 at about 4am and got some nachos---yes, I was pressed---hoping that would satisfy my hunger. It did. When I got in the house, as I was eating my nachos, I watched an episode of the Fresh Prince and sent a few “Happy New Year from Jill” text messages. Then I crashed.
Yesterday, I woke up at 4:00p. My body was aching and I felt drained. It was the same feeling I had on November 5th, the day after the election. My head hurt, a little “now what” depression came over me, and yes yes…….I was hungry but too exhausted to get out the bed. Eventually, I got the strength to reach for the phone to check my messages. Then I called my sister. My niece answered. I asked her what they were doing and she said her mom was “cooking breakfast”. Yes, at 4:00p in the afternoon! Immediately, I felt a little better. Lol.
I welcomed in the New Year with a bang. As usual. It’s been a tradition in my family to be in church praising and praying as we cross over into a new year. And if for some odd reason we don’t make it to church, we are at home falling on our knees at 11:59p. Always. All of us. I can’t even imagine “partying” in a new year. I’d rather be in church getting my praise on---lol. And we did just that.
For the last month or so I’ve been visiting another church. Coincidentally, one of my girlfriends has been inviting me to check out this church (her new church) for about a year now. And last month, one of my sister’s friends invited her to the same church. So my sister went and fell in love with the ministry. And then I went, and………I’m falling in strong like. Lol.
You know what……I’ve always been one to be obedient to God. Or at least I try to be—lol. I don’t argue with God. Cause I truly want His perfect will for my life. And I don’t care how attached I am to something or someone; if the Lord tells me to move then I’m moving. I ain’t saying its easy or that I like it, but it’s important to me to be obedient to the Lord. And as I’ve said many times, I may not always hear clearly the Lord saying YES, but I know when He says NO. Red flags flash brightly when He says NO.
Ok, so I love my church. I’m talking about the church that I am currently a member of. I’ve been attending this ministry for 3 years and have been a member for a little over a year. As I’ve detailed in a prior entry, Churchin’, I know the Lord led me to my church and that it was His will for me to join. It just felt right in my Spirit. Over the last year or so, I have grown tremendously. Not only learning and understanding God’s Word, but also what it truly means to be a Christian. And I have to give a lot of credit to my Pastor. He leads by example. He’s such a humble man, no frills. And so as he teaches I’m not distracted by any pretentiousness and/or bling—lol. I see his true heart and love for God's people.
But over the last few months I’ve desired more from my church. I mean, my church meets my needs as far as living a Christian lifestyle. But I want more prayer and worship on Sunday mornings. You know….worshipping more congregationally. Without a time limit. Not outrageously out of order, but letting the Holy Spirit flow freely. I listen to [my friend] talk about his church and I desire to experience the same. Many times he’ll say….. “Jill, the Spirit was so high my Pastor couldn’t even preach.” Not shouting and stomping all over the place and being all caught up emotionally, but just pure worshipping. Seeking His face, not His hand. I want that again. I was raised in that type of ministry. And so I’ve been praying. Not impatiently praying. But praying that I would one day be a part of that kind of ministry. It’s not often that you find a really good, authentic church where the five-fold ministry is flowing and the pastor and his wife is leading by example---lol. Especially not in this area. But I found one. The church I went to on New Year’s Eve.
So my sister actually joined the church the other night. I, on the other hand, have to follow a process. I can’t just up and jump ship. And even though I know I am not “quitting” my church, I do want to do things in decency and in order. Cause I strongly feel like the Lord is taking me to another level Spiritually and so I feel really comfortable with this new church. But of course I too need to pray about it.
As I was leaving church yesterday morning, my girlfriend and I stood in the lobby for about an hour or so after church dismissed. We just talked and talked. I hadn’t seen her in over a year and really miss our conversations. I’m so proud of her Spiritual growth. She too comes from a well-known “mega” church and felt like she had outgrown it Spiritually. That says a lot coming from a professional woman who could easily be caught up in her career, making business connections from her church members. Never her motive. Like me, she has a pure heart and truly wants more of God. She told me that on New Years Eve day, she and several other members along with the pastor and his wife, prayed for 8 hours straight in the sanctuary. Just praying over all who would be crossing over into the new year with them that evening. I got chills in my body as she was telling me. I so would have loved to be a part of that prayer. She knows me and knows what the Lord has called me to do. But she knew better not to “sell” me. She didn’t have to. She has the Holy Spirit and can discern what I’m feeling. We made a dinner date for next week to catch up since the last we spoken many things have changed in the both of our lives. But as we departed, I simply told her that I would remain opened for God. And I am.
Yesterday, I was drained. I’d gone to church on New Year’s Eve and when I got home---the next morning---I crashed. Actually, I didn’t crash immediately since I was hungry when I got out of church. So I stopped at the 7-11 at about 4am and got some nachos---yes, I was pressed---hoping that would satisfy my hunger. It did. When I got in the house, as I was eating my nachos, I watched an episode of the Fresh Prince and sent a few “Happy New Year from Jill” text messages. Then I crashed.
Yesterday, I woke up at 4:00p. My body was aching and I felt drained. It was the same feeling I had on November 5th, the day after the election. My head hurt, a little “now what” depression came over me, and yes yes…….I was hungry but too exhausted to get out the bed. Eventually, I got the strength to reach for the phone to check my messages. Then I called my sister. My niece answered. I asked her what they were doing and she said her mom was “cooking breakfast”. Yes, at 4:00p in the afternoon! Immediately, I felt a little better. Lol.
I welcomed in the New Year with a bang. As usual. It’s been a tradition in my family to be in church praising and praying as we cross over into a new year. And if for some odd reason we don’t make it to church, we are at home falling on our knees at 11:59p. Always. All of us. I can’t even imagine “partying” in a new year. I’d rather be in church getting my praise on---lol. And we did just that.
For the last month or so I’ve been visiting another church. Coincidentally, one of my girlfriends has been inviting me to check out this church (her new church) for about a year now. And last month, one of my sister’s friends invited her to the same church. So my sister went and fell in love with the ministry. And then I went, and………I’m falling in strong like. Lol.
You know what……I’ve always been one to be obedient to God. Or at least I try to be—lol. I don’t argue with God. Cause I truly want His perfect will for my life. And I don’t care how attached I am to something or someone; if the Lord tells me to move then I’m moving. I ain’t saying its easy or that I like it, but it’s important to me to be obedient to the Lord. And as I’ve said many times, I may not always hear clearly the Lord saying YES, but I know when He says NO. Red flags flash brightly when He says NO.
Ok, so I love my church. I’m talking about the church that I am currently a member of. I’ve been attending this ministry for 3 years and have been a member for a little over a year. As I’ve detailed in a prior entry, Churchin’, I know the Lord led me to my church and that it was His will for me to join. It just felt right in my Spirit. Over the last year or so, I have grown tremendously. Not only learning and understanding God’s Word, but also what it truly means to be a Christian. And I have to give a lot of credit to my Pastor. He leads by example. He’s such a humble man, no frills. And so as he teaches I’m not distracted by any pretentiousness and/or bling—lol. I see his true heart and love for God's people.
But over the last few months I’ve desired more from my church. I mean, my church meets my needs as far as living a Christian lifestyle. But I want more prayer and worship on Sunday mornings. You know….worshipping more congregationally. Without a time limit. Not outrageously out of order, but letting the Holy Spirit flow freely. I listen to [my friend] talk about his church and I desire to experience the same. Many times he’ll say….. “Jill, the Spirit was so high my Pastor couldn’t even preach.” Not shouting and stomping all over the place and being all caught up emotionally, but just pure worshipping. Seeking His face, not His hand. I want that again. I was raised in that type of ministry. And so I’ve been praying. Not impatiently praying. But praying that I would one day be a part of that kind of ministry. It’s not often that you find a really good, authentic church where the five-fold ministry is flowing and the pastor and his wife is leading by example---lol. Especially not in this area. But I found one. The church I went to on New Year’s Eve.
So my sister actually joined the church the other night. I, on the other hand, have to follow a process. I can’t just up and jump ship. And even though I know I am not “quitting” my church, I do want to do things in decency and in order. Cause I strongly feel like the Lord is taking me to another level Spiritually and so I feel really comfortable with this new church. But of course I too need to pray about it.
As I was leaving church yesterday morning, my girlfriend and I stood in the lobby for about an hour or so after church dismissed. We just talked and talked. I hadn’t seen her in over a year and really miss our conversations. I’m so proud of her Spiritual growth. She too comes from a well-known “mega” church and felt like she had outgrown it Spiritually. That says a lot coming from a professional woman who could easily be caught up in her career, making business connections from her church members. Never her motive. Like me, she has a pure heart and truly wants more of God. She told me that on New Years Eve day, she and several other members along with the pastor and his wife, prayed for 8 hours straight in the sanctuary. Just praying over all who would be crossing over into the new year with them that evening. I got chills in my body as she was telling me. I so would have loved to be a part of that prayer. She knows me and knows what the Lord has called me to do. But she knew better not to “sell” me. She didn’t have to. She has the Holy Spirit and can discern what I’m feeling. We made a dinner date for next week to catch up since the last we spoken many things have changed in the both of our lives. But as we departed, I simply told her that I would remain opened for God. And I am.
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