Ok, so I had a deep conversation with one of my girlfriend’s earlier this week. You know I ain’t spilling it all here, but I feel the need to expound on the lesson it’s giving me. Anyway……my girlfriend’s been going through years of turmoil with a close loved one. And in early December their turmoil resulted into a war of words. So over the last few months they haven’t been speaking. At all. But I’ve been encouraging my girlfriend to reach out to her loved one even if for no other reason, but to free herself. Every other day it seems that she’s crying cause she’s emotionally distraught. And understandably so since I went through the same turmoil with my loved one. I know what it feels to be misunderstood, unable to get a breakthrough with a close relative, and as the years go by just building animosity.
So my girlfriend wasn’t hearing me. NOPE, she said. She didn’t feel the need to reach out to the person because (1) she wasn’t ready. And (2) she felt that the person should reach out to her since she was “in the wrong”. Been there. The blame game. And it gets you nowhere. So for the last few weeks my girlfriend has just been dealing with her feelings internally. Disagreeing with her closest friends on the matter. So I've given her her space. Cause regardless, I'm there for her.
So I had taken some ME time last week, but when I got back into the flow of things, my girlfriend surprised me and said that she had indeed reached out to her loved one and invited her to dinner. Of course, I needed details. I was so shocked, but happy. Unfortunately, she told me there was not much to say since her loved one refused to address the situation that caused their last tiff. In fact, she said that her loved one talked about everything under the sun except for their rocky situation, as if nothing was wrong.
So my girlfriend was a little bothered. I understood. So we met for lunch to talk about her feelings. She didn’t get the release that she needed, and kinda felt like she swallowed her pride for nothing. So she told me that until her loved one wants to discuss their differences she has made up in her mind that she wants NOTHING to do with her. Umph. I was a little bothered by her decision. So I asked her to let me repeat it so that I was clear. Basically, if her loved one wasn’t ready to talk about the situation until August, she doesn’t want to communicate with her. But what if she’s never ready to discuss it. Umph. So I said to her, okay cause at the end of the day you gotta do what’s best for “you”. Umph. I left it at that.
After we’d finished lunch, I felt bad for her. And more because I felt that she was making a major mistake and displaying a big banner of UNFORGIVENESS. But just like any other situation, it’s easy to give advice when you don’t have to experience it. So like clockwork, I was tested.
Last night, I told my sister off. Rightfully so, in my opinion. Cause she was being irresponsible with another person and that person kept calling me. I’m like……what do I have to do with it. So when I called my sister for the last time to relay the message she and I got into it. And aside from who’s right between her and the person there’s a RIGHT was to handle things. I’m assuming I was called upon to be a mediator, but as a result I ended up going off on my sister. And she retaliated. With phones slamming and everything.
This morning, I wanted to call my sister but my pride wouldn’t let me. Cause she pissed me off. And I know I pissed her off. So she didn’t call me either. But around noon I wanted/needed to talk to her. As we normally do on a daily basis. Nothing in particular, just the daily chatty check-in. So I called. And dag-on it was as if she jumped over hurdles to answer the phone. We talked about everything from my grandfather’s birthday celebration tonight, at her house, to my nephews to breakfast tomorrow morning. Not one time did she bring up our disagreement last night, and neither did I. But the tone was set at peace and for me…….that said “I forgive”.
I’ve learned so many lessons over my life, but one of my biggest lessons is just because I’m confrontational doesn’t mean everyone else is. And just because I have no problem addressing a situation immediately doesn’t mean that it shouldn’t take others time. And what I’m finding out recently is that sometimes it’s better to move on from a situation without discussing it at all. That’s true forgiveness. Get over it and move on. Bottomline…….however handled we gotta be released from holding unforgiveness.
And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any: that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses. But if ye do not forgive, neither will your Father which is in heaven forgive your trespasses. --Mark 11:25-26
Friday, February 27, 2009
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Granddaddy's House
Ok, my mind is on overdrive, so I have to take a blog moment. To de-stress.
Ok so, my grandfather’s 79th birthday celebration is this weekend. And so I thought it would be cool to put together an offspring profile book. Especially since when he called me for my birthday last week and said, Jilly I can’t remember birthdays like your grandmother used to (she’s deceased), so your mother had to call and remind me to call you. He also said, to be honest with you…..I can’t remember how many grandchildren I have. I wanted to say........um, grandchildren are done. You're working on great-great grandchildren. But I ain't crazy. If there's any man I fear on this earth......it would be Granddaddy.
So immediately, I thought…..family profile book!!! The idea sounded nice til I started putting it together. First off, how did I think I could track down current photos and info for 8 children, 21 grandchildren, 17 great-grand children, and 1 great-great grandchild!!! Believe it or not, I’m only missing 4 photos. But I have about 20 phone calls to make to get some updates on lives. I called my 20 year old little cousin and asked what his interests/activities were and he told me…….uh, Jill you don’t want to put that in a book for granddaddy--lol. I got a feeling I’ma get a few more of those responses. Umph (deep breath) pray for me, please.
Ok so, my grandfather’s 79th birthday celebration is this weekend. And so I thought it would be cool to put together an offspring profile book. Especially since when he called me for my birthday last week and said, Jilly I can’t remember birthdays like your grandmother used to (she’s deceased), so your mother had to call and remind me to call you. He also said, to be honest with you…..I can’t remember how many grandchildren I have. I wanted to say........um, grandchildren are done. You're working on great-great grandchildren. But I ain't crazy. If there's any man I fear on this earth......it would be Granddaddy.
So immediately, I thought…..family profile book!!! The idea sounded nice til I started putting it together. First off, how did I think I could track down current photos and info for 8 children, 21 grandchildren, 17 great-grand children, and 1 great-great grandchild!!! Believe it or not, I’m only missing 4 photos. But I have about 20 phone calls to make to get some updates on lives. I called my 20 year old little cousin and asked what his interests/activities were and he told me…….uh, Jill you don’t want to put that in a book for granddaddy--lol. I got a feeling I’ma get a few more of those responses. Umph (deep breath) pray for me, please.
Monday, February 23, 2009
21!
Twenty-one hours of straight prayer. That’s what this past weekend’s Strike Force session was about. In the course we are required to do two practicum of around the clock intercessory prayer and this weekend was the first. Yep……prayer started at 10:00pm on Friday night and didn’t end until 7:00pm on Saturday night. Every 3-4 hours there was a 15 minute bathroom/water break, but no sleeping and resting. Just praying. Interceding for 21 hours.
Can I tell you that this has been one of the most amazing experiences in my Spiritual walk with the Lord. I mean, I’m used to praying at this intensity, but not for such a long period. So since I had the time, I went expecting the Lord to give revelation on a number of issues. At the same time, I was just due to worship God. I mean, with my whole heart, not with my hand out. And that’s what I did. That’s what we did. It was close to 200 of us who hung in there the entire time and prayed each other through. Talk about an experience.
The Lord started moving for me before the prayer began. I had decided to go early to the regular 7:00p service on Friday night. The guest evangelist was doing a series on Godly relationships and I was hearing good things about it. So I decided to go. And man……by the time I went into prayer at 10:00p you could have blown on me and I’d fall. That’s how light my body was. The flesh was not there. It was evident that I was walking in the Holy Spirit. The evangelist talked about soul ties and how we have to be released from being bound by ungodly people. That includes, but is not limited to friendships, girlfriend/boyfriend relationships, etc. Stuff I’d heard before, but was just really receiving. So can I tell you…….if I had any doubt of being released, I was released on Friday night.
By the time 10:00p came I was ready. Nothing or nobody standing between me and the presence of God through Christ Jesus. I had/have such a hunger and thirst for Him. And so I was ready to break down barriers with my brothers and sisters in Christ. The pastor told us what to expect throughout the night and into the morning. He told us that around the 7:00am hour something was going to happen. That there was going to be a major breakthrough. And so we were in expecting mode. All of us.
Throughout the night and into the morning we had different subjects to pray for from family and loved ones to the president and his cabinet members to the economy and finances to healing and deliverance to salvation. There were so many issues and folk we were interceding for. And so we walked the altar, the pews, the halls, and any other pathway.
At around 4:00am the minister of music came in with the drummer. And they started playing and we went into a high praise with singing and dancing. It was amazing. It seemed like hours we were just worshipping and crying out to the Lord. Then all of a sudden, it was as if the minister of music got a triple anointing. He continued to play, but the louder he played the louder we praised. The Spirit was so high. And even though our physical bodies were trying to fail us……the Holy Spirit strengthened us. And so we danced and praised, danced and praised. It was a sight to behold. When I looked up at the clock I was amazed……it said 7:28am.
By the time 1:00pm came, we were on countdown. We were getting so physically tired because no one had eaten. But then, 2:00pm came and Arch Bishop Duncan Williams joined us. He started ministering and praying over folk and next thing we knew…..it was 7:00pm. We had did it!!! Through Christ of course. Definitely wasn’t out of our own might and strength.
When I got home I was physically exhausted, but the Holy Spirit was on overdrive. It seems like as soon as I fell asleep the Spirit woke me up and gave me a revelation. I lay in the bed stunned at what was revealed to me. I couldn’t move but needed to call somebody. Perhaps my sister or girlfriends or mother since they were all at the prayer meeting. But instead I continued to pray and listen. This is so important. I think a lot of times we do go to God, but rarely do we sit still and listen to what the Spirit is saying. So as I interceded for the loved ones, I sat still for the revelation. And somehow, through the Spirit, I understood an issue that has been a mystery to me since day one. But then the peace of God came on me. And I felt relieved and assured. Cause God was revealing what I had been questioning.
By 7:00am I felt I had to share. So I called my sister fearing that I might wake her. She answered immediately and said she had, too, been up meditating. It was weird and unfamiliar. We both agreed that we were no longer physically tired. So after talking for about an hour or so, my sister got up and went to church. But I got up and did house chores, washed and set my hair, washed clothes, went to the grocery store, filled up the gas tank, cooked dinner for the week, prepared my lunch, and still had energy. I know it was nothing but the Lord who gave me (us) the strength I (we) needed to sustain.
This morning, I came to work feeling a little weird. And just like the devil does……that punk tried to throw dirt in my path. It took a couple of hours to figure out the source of the action, but just like clockwork……it was revealed. And I caught on. So I want to put him on alert:
SATAN YOU ARE DEFEATED AND YOUR PLANS AND SCHEMES MUST RETURN TO THE PIT OF HELL IN WHICH THEY ORIGINATED. I DENOUNCE YOU IN THE NAME OF JESUS AND VOID EVERY TACTIC YOU CONNIVINGLY SET FORTH. I COMMAND VICTORY IN MY RIGHT NOW, RIGHT NOW. IN JESUS NAME. AMEN.
Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. --Philippians 4:6-7
Can I tell you that this has been one of the most amazing experiences in my Spiritual walk with the Lord. I mean, I’m used to praying at this intensity, but not for such a long period. So since I had the time, I went expecting the Lord to give revelation on a number of issues. At the same time, I was just due to worship God. I mean, with my whole heart, not with my hand out. And that’s what I did. That’s what we did. It was close to 200 of us who hung in there the entire time and prayed each other through. Talk about an experience.
The Lord started moving for me before the prayer began. I had decided to go early to the regular 7:00p service on Friday night. The guest evangelist was doing a series on Godly relationships and I was hearing good things about it. So I decided to go. And man……by the time I went into prayer at 10:00p you could have blown on me and I’d fall. That’s how light my body was. The flesh was not there. It was evident that I was walking in the Holy Spirit. The evangelist talked about soul ties and how we have to be released from being bound by ungodly people. That includes, but is not limited to friendships, girlfriend/boyfriend relationships, etc. Stuff I’d heard before, but was just really receiving. So can I tell you…….if I had any doubt of being released, I was released on Friday night.
By the time 10:00p came I was ready. Nothing or nobody standing between me and the presence of God through Christ Jesus. I had/have such a hunger and thirst for Him. And so I was ready to break down barriers with my brothers and sisters in Christ. The pastor told us what to expect throughout the night and into the morning. He told us that around the 7:00am hour something was going to happen. That there was going to be a major breakthrough. And so we were in expecting mode. All of us.
Throughout the night and into the morning we had different subjects to pray for from family and loved ones to the president and his cabinet members to the economy and finances to healing and deliverance to salvation. There were so many issues and folk we were interceding for. And so we walked the altar, the pews, the halls, and any other pathway.
At around 4:00am the minister of music came in with the drummer. And they started playing and we went into a high praise with singing and dancing. It was amazing. It seemed like hours we were just worshipping and crying out to the Lord. Then all of a sudden, it was as if the minister of music got a triple anointing. He continued to play, but the louder he played the louder we praised. The Spirit was so high. And even though our physical bodies were trying to fail us……the Holy Spirit strengthened us. And so we danced and praised, danced and praised. It was a sight to behold. When I looked up at the clock I was amazed……it said 7:28am.
By the time 1:00pm came, we were on countdown. We were getting so physically tired because no one had eaten. But then, 2:00pm came and Arch Bishop Duncan Williams joined us. He started ministering and praying over folk and next thing we knew…..it was 7:00pm. We had did it!!! Through Christ of course. Definitely wasn’t out of our own might and strength.
When I got home I was physically exhausted, but the Holy Spirit was on overdrive. It seems like as soon as I fell asleep the Spirit woke me up and gave me a revelation. I lay in the bed stunned at what was revealed to me. I couldn’t move but needed to call somebody. Perhaps my sister or girlfriends or mother since they were all at the prayer meeting. But instead I continued to pray and listen. This is so important. I think a lot of times we do go to God, but rarely do we sit still and listen to what the Spirit is saying. So as I interceded for the loved ones, I sat still for the revelation. And somehow, through the Spirit, I understood an issue that has been a mystery to me since day one. But then the peace of God came on me. And I felt relieved and assured. Cause God was revealing what I had been questioning.
By 7:00am I felt I had to share. So I called my sister fearing that I might wake her. She answered immediately and said she had, too, been up meditating. It was weird and unfamiliar. We both agreed that we were no longer physically tired. So after talking for about an hour or so, my sister got up and went to church. But I got up and did house chores, washed and set my hair, washed clothes, went to the grocery store, filled up the gas tank, cooked dinner for the week, prepared my lunch, and still had energy. I know it was nothing but the Lord who gave me (us) the strength I (we) needed to sustain.
This morning, I came to work feeling a little weird. And just like the devil does……that punk tried to throw dirt in my path. It took a couple of hours to figure out the source of the action, but just like clockwork……it was revealed. And I caught on. So I want to put him on alert:
SATAN YOU ARE DEFEATED AND YOUR PLANS AND SCHEMES MUST RETURN TO THE PIT OF HELL IN WHICH THEY ORIGINATED. I DENOUNCE YOU IN THE NAME OF JESUS AND VOID EVERY TACTIC YOU CONNIVINGLY SET FORTH. I COMMAND VICTORY IN MY RIGHT NOW, RIGHT NOW. IN JESUS NAME. AMEN.
Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. --Philippians 4:6-7
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
I'm Expecting
LOL. No, not that!!! However, although I am in expecting mode, I sure wasn’t expecting it to be a mini blizzard when I walked out my door this morning. Snow was blowing all in my face, hair looking crazy, and umbrella not working properly. And I wasn’t expecting what just happened to me within the last 15 minutes. Ok, yes I was.
Umph. How do I begin this one. Ok, so you know my financial set backs with the decline of the real estate market and all. Last year was horrible. I literally tried to maintain the lifestyle I built a couple years ago on half an income. That’s what the math dwindled down to. When I filed my 2006 taxes I had earned well over six figures. That’s including my full-time job. And as I stated in past entries, I lived a life---never extravagant---but I lived a life conducive to my earnings. But my little I-got-it-going-on dream started waking up in 2007. And in 2008---forget it. Bill collectors were calling left and right. To sum it up….its been a struggle. No, I ain’t confessing anything, but the reality is……it’s been haaard for a sistah.
Ok, in the last few months I’ve been trying to salvage my lifestyle by using my credit cards. Big mistake. I know. Now Navy Federal---my cards company---is getting on MY nerves as if I made this economy the way it is. Ok, ok……I owe them. I know. And I do take responsibility. Soooo, saying that……..I’ve been juggling other bills trying to pay down $10,000 worth of credit card debt. And its been a juggling act, but I ain’t worried. I pay what I can, and that’s that cause I know the Lord knows my heart and intentions. He got my back. So yes, yes…..I’m always in expecting mode. Cause all things are possible with Christ. But what I wasn’t expecting was for Comcast to cut off my darn cable!!!
Ok, first of all……why is Comcast the only company to bill a month and a half in advance. I thought I was doing good downgrading to basic cable. But then I get a bill for close to $200. Not. Shucks, I was raised that electricity was a necessity and cable was a luxury. That’s how I was raised. Saying that……Comcast ain’t on the must-pay-now list. I mean, I’d be the first to say that I can’t live without cable, but this is the thing…..the channels I frequently watch still play without it. And what is even funnier is that DayStar Television….my really favorite channel doesn’t work with basic cable, only with the premium package…….and ANALOG TV!!! So I’m cool. I mean, I’m gonna pay Comcast cause I ain’t trying to have my credit jacked up, but I ain’t in no rush. Cause I’m still getting what I want.
So this morning, I was watching Joyce Meyer on……DayStar Television—lol…….and she was talking about how we as Christians must stay in expectancy. We have to go to God expecting the unexpected. That each morning we should rise expecting God to do great things in our day. And so that was the frame of mind I was in this morning. I mean, I’m always in optimistic mode cause I’ve seen some miraculous things happen in me and my loved ones life, but today the expectancy was even greater.
So I get to work in full expectancy. First off…..I was expecting my tax refund. Not that I could afford to buy anything luxurious from it, I mean that $1400 Gucci satchel would be nice, but I ain’t stressing cause it ain’t on the must-have list. Or the can-afford list—lol. But I’m just glad that I could pay off some bills. I’m like….shucks, take the entire refund and pay my debt. That’s how I am. So I get to the office and checked my bank account and saw that the refund had posted. Great!! So I called my mortgage company….the small loan (yes, I go caught up in that 80/20 ARM mess). So I called the mortgage company about the small loan cause I hadn’t yet paid for February, and March is due next week. Let me just tell you that the smaller portion of my mortgage loan is $400 a month. THE SMALLER PORTION.
Ok, so anyway, I called the mortgage company and calculated that I owed roughly $900 with late fees. So I get a rep who tells me that, first, she couldn’t take my payment over the phone because it was past due. Then, second, she informed me that I didn’t owe $900, but $1300. I was livid. She basically told me that I missed a payment in November. I’m like going crazy cause I know that wasn’t so. I remember November’s payment distinctly because that’s when I had to come up with the money for my tires. I know my money. And don’t play with it. So I put her on hold while I was looking over my bank statements online. And dag-on I couldn’t find a payment for November. I was going crazy cause the bills I don’t mess with are the mortgage, car note, insurance, and electricity.
Ok, so after realizing that maybe I could have overlooked a $400 payment in November since so much was going on. So I choked it up and told the rep that I would pay it cause I didn’t want it on my credit or conscious. But even after coming to grips that perhaps it was my fault, she wouldn’t accept the $1300 over the phone. She had the nerve to tell me to go to Wal-mart’s Western Union. I mean, Wal-Mart is about a good 50 minutes from me. And my car is parked at home. So it was impossible to pay the debt today. I’d have to wait til the weekend---and I have major plans this weekend. When would I have time to do it. Ugh. All I wanted to do was pay my mortgage and go on about my business. But the rep was being very condescending and short with me.
So I asked to speak with the manager. Uuuukay, this is when the Lord took over. So the manager---very pleasant guy---explains why they couldn’t take the payment over the phone and that if I could go to the Western Union today he would only accept the November and February payments and not penalize me for March if in fact I needed to be a little late. I’m like…..okay that sounds fair. I was mentally making plans to get my car to make a late night run to the closest Western Union. But while he was giving me the information for Western Union a miracle happened and dude witnessed it.
The rep says…..Ms. Morris I just got a pop-up on my screen giving you instant approval for a loan modification. Then he tells me to hold on because he said the pop-up was new to him. While I was holding I was racking my brain trying to figure out how I missed a payment for November, and how I couldn’t prove it looking at my bank statements. So the rep returns and says……(1) Because you are more than 2 payments late on your mortgage we are now offering our customers a chance to forfeit any foreclosure processes therefore we are doing loan modifications. Then he said (2), so you can disregard the $1300 because with the modification your past due balance no longer applies. Then he said (3), your interest rate has now decreased to 3.75% for the next 5 years. Then he said, (4) but we will need a down payment to make this work. When I heard the 3.75% rate I was speechless. I was like whatever kind of down payment you need I’m making it happen. So he tells me to hold on while he did the calculations. Then he returned and said (5), your down payment is $197 which will be your new monthly payment. My mouth was hanging open. After finalizing instructions and particulars he ended the call by saying (6), and your next mortgage payment isn’t due until April. I was motionless.
God never fails, nor does He cease to amaze me. I’ve said it over and over again…..that when God is in control and working miracles it AIN’T gonna make human sense. Cause to the best of my recollection I made a November mortgage payment. If I had an extra $400 bucks back in November I wouldn’t have stressed about paying for my $700 tires. I had $300…………. Ok, this is getting crazy the more I think about it. Just read my entry Running On Flat back in November. Umph. I ain’t gonna dig no deeper cause I wouldn’t have qualified for the loan modification if I wasn’t “two” months behind in payments. I can’t explain it. And I’m gonna stop trying. Cause its nothing short of a miracle. Perhaps I’ll call Comcast and get my cable back on. But I gotta upgrade to the premium package cause I need DayStar. Umph. I can afford it now.
Umph. How do I begin this one. Ok, so you know my financial set backs with the decline of the real estate market and all. Last year was horrible. I literally tried to maintain the lifestyle I built a couple years ago on half an income. That’s what the math dwindled down to. When I filed my 2006 taxes I had earned well over six figures. That’s including my full-time job. And as I stated in past entries, I lived a life---never extravagant---but I lived a life conducive to my earnings. But my little I-got-it-going-on dream started waking up in 2007. And in 2008---forget it. Bill collectors were calling left and right. To sum it up….its been a struggle. No, I ain’t confessing anything, but the reality is……it’s been haaard for a sistah.
Ok, in the last few months I’ve been trying to salvage my lifestyle by using my credit cards. Big mistake. I know. Now Navy Federal---my cards company---is getting on MY nerves as if I made this economy the way it is. Ok, ok……I owe them. I know. And I do take responsibility. Soooo, saying that……..I’ve been juggling other bills trying to pay down $10,000 worth of credit card debt. And its been a juggling act, but I ain’t worried. I pay what I can, and that’s that cause I know the Lord knows my heart and intentions. He got my back. So yes, yes…..I’m always in expecting mode. Cause all things are possible with Christ. But what I wasn’t expecting was for Comcast to cut off my darn cable!!!
Ok, first of all……why is Comcast the only company to bill a month and a half in advance. I thought I was doing good downgrading to basic cable. But then I get a bill for close to $200. Not. Shucks, I was raised that electricity was a necessity and cable was a luxury. That’s how I was raised. Saying that……Comcast ain’t on the must-pay-now list. I mean, I’d be the first to say that I can’t live without cable, but this is the thing…..the channels I frequently watch still play without it. And what is even funnier is that DayStar Television….my really favorite channel doesn’t work with basic cable, only with the premium package…….and ANALOG TV!!! So I’m cool. I mean, I’m gonna pay Comcast cause I ain’t trying to have my credit jacked up, but I ain’t in no rush. Cause I’m still getting what I want.
So this morning, I was watching Joyce Meyer on……DayStar Television—lol…….and she was talking about how we as Christians must stay in expectancy. We have to go to God expecting the unexpected. That each morning we should rise expecting God to do great things in our day. And so that was the frame of mind I was in this morning. I mean, I’m always in optimistic mode cause I’ve seen some miraculous things happen in me and my loved ones life, but today the expectancy was even greater.
So I get to work in full expectancy. First off…..I was expecting my tax refund. Not that I could afford to buy anything luxurious from it, I mean that $1400 Gucci satchel would be nice, but I ain’t stressing cause it ain’t on the must-have list. Or the can-afford list—lol. But I’m just glad that I could pay off some bills. I’m like….shucks, take the entire refund and pay my debt. That’s how I am. So I get to the office and checked my bank account and saw that the refund had posted. Great!! So I called my mortgage company….the small loan (yes, I go caught up in that 80/20 ARM mess). So I called the mortgage company about the small loan cause I hadn’t yet paid for February, and March is due next week. Let me just tell you that the smaller portion of my mortgage loan is $400 a month. THE SMALLER PORTION.
Ok, so anyway, I called the mortgage company and calculated that I owed roughly $900 with late fees. So I get a rep who tells me that, first, she couldn’t take my payment over the phone because it was past due. Then, second, she informed me that I didn’t owe $900, but $1300. I was livid. She basically told me that I missed a payment in November. I’m like going crazy cause I know that wasn’t so. I remember November’s payment distinctly because that’s when I had to come up with the money for my tires. I know my money. And don’t play with it. So I put her on hold while I was looking over my bank statements online. And dag-on I couldn’t find a payment for November. I was going crazy cause the bills I don’t mess with are the mortgage, car note, insurance, and electricity.
Ok, so after realizing that maybe I could have overlooked a $400 payment in November since so much was going on. So I choked it up and told the rep that I would pay it cause I didn’t want it on my credit or conscious. But even after coming to grips that perhaps it was my fault, she wouldn’t accept the $1300 over the phone. She had the nerve to tell me to go to Wal-mart’s Western Union. I mean, Wal-Mart is about a good 50 minutes from me. And my car is parked at home. So it was impossible to pay the debt today. I’d have to wait til the weekend---and I have major plans this weekend. When would I have time to do it. Ugh. All I wanted to do was pay my mortgage and go on about my business. But the rep was being very condescending and short with me.
So I asked to speak with the manager. Uuuukay, this is when the Lord took over. So the manager---very pleasant guy---explains why they couldn’t take the payment over the phone and that if I could go to the Western Union today he would only accept the November and February payments and not penalize me for March if in fact I needed to be a little late. I’m like…..okay that sounds fair. I was mentally making plans to get my car to make a late night run to the closest Western Union. But while he was giving me the information for Western Union a miracle happened and dude witnessed it.
The rep says…..Ms. Morris I just got a pop-up on my screen giving you instant approval for a loan modification. Then he tells me to hold on because he said the pop-up was new to him. While I was holding I was racking my brain trying to figure out how I missed a payment for November, and how I couldn’t prove it looking at my bank statements. So the rep returns and says……(1) Because you are more than 2 payments late on your mortgage we are now offering our customers a chance to forfeit any foreclosure processes therefore we are doing loan modifications. Then he said (2), so you can disregard the $1300 because with the modification your past due balance no longer applies. Then he said (3), your interest rate has now decreased to 3.75% for the next 5 years. Then he said, (4) but we will need a down payment to make this work. When I heard the 3.75% rate I was speechless. I was like whatever kind of down payment you need I’m making it happen. So he tells me to hold on while he did the calculations. Then he returned and said (5), your down payment is $197 which will be your new monthly payment. My mouth was hanging open. After finalizing instructions and particulars he ended the call by saying (6), and your next mortgage payment isn’t due until April. I was motionless.
God never fails, nor does He cease to amaze me. I’ve said it over and over again…..that when God is in control and working miracles it AIN’T gonna make human sense. Cause to the best of my recollection I made a November mortgage payment. If I had an extra $400 bucks back in November I wouldn’t have stressed about paying for my $700 tires. I had $300…………. Ok, this is getting crazy the more I think about it. Just read my entry Running On Flat back in November. Umph. I ain’t gonna dig no deeper cause I wouldn’t have qualified for the loan modification if I wasn’t “two” months behind in payments. I can’t explain it. And I’m gonna stop trying. Cause its nothing short of a miracle. Perhaps I’ll call Comcast and get my cable back on. But I gotta upgrade to the premium package cause I need DayStar. Umph. I can afford it now.
"So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened. --Luke 11:9-10
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Thirty-Nine!
Wow. Where in the world do I begin. Ok, so my 39th birthday was yesterday (Feb 16). Yes, yes……I’m almost 40 (deep breath—lol). I celebrated all weekend. No rules and routine was the motto. I ate just about every nationality of food, drank a couple glasses of wine, and sashayed like……ok it was my birthday. I think timing is so important. And just the fact that the Lord allowed Valentine’s Day and President’s Day to fall right smack dab in the hours of my birthday made it that more special. Like it is every year.
Ok, let me get the saga out the way. Yes, after all of the joy I did manage to throw myself a pity party last night. It actually started yesterday at lunch with my family---we went to Fogo de Chao downtown and had a really good time. But it hit me and I just felt really old. Like life is passing me by and I still haven’t done the majors---marriage and children. My poor sisters tried to make me look on the brighter side by saying so many things. They tried soooo hard. And the more they talked the more I was torn up inside. But at one point I had to laugh. Then they had my “brother-in-law-to-be” call to make me laugh. Then they had my grandfather call me from New York. And he basically said…… “Jill, why would you want to wait til you are this old to have a major headache….cause you know marriage and children are a MAJOR HEADACHE.” I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. When I got home, I was about to burst out in tears and then my girlfriend called me. She, along with about 5 other girlfriends, is in my same situation…….somehow I felt a little better.
Uuukay, now that that’s over……..wow. Ok, talk about having a happy birthday. Where do I begin…what do I say……what do I not tell—lol. Ok, I don’t know why my loved ones take my birthday so personal. I mean, I started getting “reservations” two weeks ago to spend time with me. And as much as I try to tell them what I REALLY want they get offended. Especially my sisters. Seriously. I mean, despite the pity party, I really like spending my birthday alone. FOR REAL. I mean, I don’t need any party, gifts, or hoopla. Seriously. I appreciate it all, but I don’t need it.
I think it all started back in 2003. Actually, I know it started in 2003. It was my 33rd birthday and my girlfriends were insisting that they take me out for my birthday. I didn’t want to go. I wanted to be home…..alone. Just the year before, I had ended my 12-year “on-again/off-again/what-you-say-we-were-again” relationship on Valentine’s Day. It was supposed to be a special weekend, not just for my birthday, but for us. Me and him. But I don’t know what happened; I just know that I was put out in the cold alone on Valentine’s night. For a long minute I stood out there trying to figure out what I did. Said. And trying to figure out why he flipped out on me for the first time in 12 years. Then reality hit as I tried to scrape the thick ice off my car. I kept thinking…..now or never. And so that night I vowed that if I made it home without freezing to death I would never return back to that relationship. And it was the last time he and I were together. Yes, yes…..seven years and counting---lol. Umph. I guess I didn’t “love” him.
So in 2003, the next year, I just wanted to be alone for my birthday. But my girlfriends, going through their own relationship drama---thank God for salvation---thought it best that we go out together to “celebrate”. And since my birthday and Valentine’s day……well you know the deal. Anyway, my birthday was on a Sunday that year---I’ll never forget this birthday as long as I live---my birthday was that Sunday and so my girlfriends convinced me to go out. On the night before we were all on the phone finalizing plans. I was so nonchalant. I was seriously only doing it for them. But I listened and tried to make myself seem excited.
On the next morning, my birthday, at about 9am I get a phone call. It was them. All three on 3-way. I answered pissed off cause they woke me up and I wanted to sleep late. They started singing happy birthday to me. Then one of my girlfriends blurted out…… “get up, get up and get ready because we’re taking you out to breakfast.” I fought it until I said….. “look I agreed to go out tonight, but its my birthday and I’m sleeping late.” They know that tone and so they got serious. One of my girlfriends said “let’s stop playing with her cause she’s getting an attitude.” Then they all said….. “look outside, meany”. I was teed off. But I went to the window and I’m telling you it was as if God had shined down on me. It was the BEST birthday gift from heaven……..a foot of snow!!! And the snow kept falling all the way til late that Monday night. We were all stuck indoors. I ended up making myself some lasagna, watched the True Hollywood Story of Whitney and Bobby all day long, while going in and out of naps. I had the BEST birthday ever. I let all my birthday calls go to the voicemail. I had no plans, no agenda, and just enjoyed the day as I wanted---alone.
Year after year, I try to capture Birthday 2003. That day. That year. It was such a year of liberation. Celebrating me. But it has yet to come back. That birthday made me realize that the “happy” in happy birthday didn’t apply to nobody but Jill. But that was the last year for that. Now, my birthday is EVERYBODY’S day and so I’m learning to embrace and appreciate my loved ones and for having folk in my life to share my birthday with. Cause it could be the other way.
Ok, so highlights of my 39th birthday. Wow. Overall, I felt like a kid at Christmas. I dined out for the last five days. Breakfast, lunch, and/or dinner with friends and family. Gifts, gifts, and more gifts. The completely knocked-me-off-my-feet gifts came from my friends. One friend, who remains nameless, gave me three cards. One was a thank you for friendship card, the other was a Valentine’s Day card, and the other a birthday card. Each one I opened…a crispy $100 bill fell out. I was totally shocked. Then I got a Wii Fit!!! I’m psyched. And so excited. And then I can’t forget my mother. She gave me a cashmere coat!!! She’d actually bought it for herself, but couldn’t fit it. So instead of returning it…..she gave it to me---lol. But those gifts were a few of many expressions of love. I received a few gift cards, and soooo many beautiful birthday cards, emails, phone calls, and even text messages. I’m loved and blessed. And I know it. –lol.
And Valentine’s Day was beautiful. Despite getting caught in the sleet after spending hours in the hair salon, it all turned out beautiful. I had fun camping out in the living room with movies. Hadn’t done that in a looong time. And the 6-layer birthday/carrot cake………um um good. And the pancakes for breakfast…..um um good. I ate til I couldn’t eat no more.
Last night, as I talked to my girlfriend she reminded me of the pinky-swear we’d made to each other a few weeks ago. Over the weeks we had been discussing our thirties and how it is rough. Basically, it’s correcting all of the mistakes we made in our twenties, while setting a better life up for our forties. We both agreed that the thirties are kicking our tails. So she, just a few years younger, made me promise that this year---my last year in my thirties---I would make it the BEST year so that when I look back over my life I can say……. “My thirties were great!!” And so I promised.
And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also ye are called in one body; and be ye thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord. --Colossians 3:15-16
Ok, let me get the saga out the way. Yes, after all of the joy I did manage to throw myself a pity party last night. It actually started yesterday at lunch with my family---we went to Fogo de Chao downtown and had a really good time. But it hit me and I just felt really old. Like life is passing me by and I still haven’t done the majors---marriage and children. My poor sisters tried to make me look on the brighter side by saying so many things. They tried soooo hard. And the more they talked the more I was torn up inside. But at one point I had to laugh. Then they had my “brother-in-law-to-be” call to make me laugh. Then they had my grandfather call me from New York. And he basically said…… “Jill, why would you want to wait til you are this old to have a major headache….cause you know marriage and children are a MAJOR HEADACHE.” I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. When I got home, I was about to burst out in tears and then my girlfriend called me. She, along with about 5 other girlfriends, is in my same situation…….somehow I felt a little better.
Uuukay, now that that’s over……..wow. Ok, talk about having a happy birthday. Where do I begin…what do I say……what do I not tell—lol. Ok, I don’t know why my loved ones take my birthday so personal. I mean, I started getting “reservations” two weeks ago to spend time with me. And as much as I try to tell them what I REALLY want they get offended. Especially my sisters. Seriously. I mean, despite the pity party, I really like spending my birthday alone. FOR REAL. I mean, I don’t need any party, gifts, or hoopla. Seriously. I appreciate it all, but I don’t need it.
I think it all started back in 2003. Actually, I know it started in 2003. It was my 33rd birthday and my girlfriends were insisting that they take me out for my birthday. I didn’t want to go. I wanted to be home…..alone. Just the year before, I had ended my 12-year “on-again/off-again/what-you-say-we-were-again” relationship on Valentine’s Day. It was supposed to be a special weekend, not just for my birthday, but for us. Me and him. But I don’t know what happened; I just know that I was put out in the cold alone on Valentine’s night. For a long minute I stood out there trying to figure out what I did. Said. And trying to figure out why he flipped out on me for the first time in 12 years. Then reality hit as I tried to scrape the thick ice off my car. I kept thinking…..now or never. And so that night I vowed that if I made it home without freezing to death I would never return back to that relationship. And it was the last time he and I were together. Yes, yes…..seven years and counting---lol. Umph. I guess I didn’t “love” him.
So in 2003, the next year, I just wanted to be alone for my birthday. But my girlfriends, going through their own relationship drama---thank God for salvation---thought it best that we go out together to “celebrate”. And since my birthday and Valentine’s day……well you know the deal. Anyway, my birthday was on a Sunday that year---I’ll never forget this birthday as long as I live---my birthday was that Sunday and so my girlfriends convinced me to go out. On the night before we were all on the phone finalizing plans. I was so nonchalant. I was seriously only doing it for them. But I listened and tried to make myself seem excited.
On the next morning, my birthday, at about 9am I get a phone call. It was them. All three on 3-way. I answered pissed off cause they woke me up and I wanted to sleep late. They started singing happy birthday to me. Then one of my girlfriends blurted out…… “get up, get up and get ready because we’re taking you out to breakfast.” I fought it until I said….. “look I agreed to go out tonight, but its my birthday and I’m sleeping late.” They know that tone and so they got serious. One of my girlfriends said “let’s stop playing with her cause she’s getting an attitude.” Then they all said….. “look outside, meany”. I was teed off. But I went to the window and I’m telling you it was as if God had shined down on me. It was the BEST birthday gift from heaven……..a foot of snow!!! And the snow kept falling all the way til late that Monday night. We were all stuck indoors. I ended up making myself some lasagna, watched the True Hollywood Story of Whitney and Bobby all day long, while going in and out of naps. I had the BEST birthday ever. I let all my birthday calls go to the voicemail. I had no plans, no agenda, and just enjoyed the day as I wanted---alone.
Year after year, I try to capture Birthday 2003. That day. That year. It was such a year of liberation. Celebrating me. But it has yet to come back. That birthday made me realize that the “happy” in happy birthday didn’t apply to nobody but Jill. But that was the last year for that. Now, my birthday is EVERYBODY’S day and so I’m learning to embrace and appreciate my loved ones and for having folk in my life to share my birthday with. Cause it could be the other way.
Ok, so highlights of my 39th birthday. Wow. Overall, I felt like a kid at Christmas. I dined out for the last five days. Breakfast, lunch, and/or dinner with friends and family. Gifts, gifts, and more gifts. The completely knocked-me-off-my-feet gifts came from my friends. One friend, who remains nameless, gave me three cards. One was a thank you for friendship card, the other was a Valentine’s Day card, and the other a birthday card. Each one I opened…a crispy $100 bill fell out. I was totally shocked. Then I got a Wii Fit!!! I’m psyched. And so excited. And then I can’t forget my mother. She gave me a cashmere coat!!! She’d actually bought it for herself, but couldn’t fit it. So instead of returning it…..she gave it to me---lol. But those gifts were a few of many expressions of love. I received a few gift cards, and soooo many beautiful birthday cards, emails, phone calls, and even text messages. I’m loved and blessed. And I know it. –lol.
And Valentine’s Day was beautiful. Despite getting caught in the sleet after spending hours in the hair salon, it all turned out beautiful. I had fun camping out in the living room with movies. Hadn’t done that in a looong time. And the 6-layer birthday/carrot cake………um um good. And the pancakes for breakfast…..um um good. I ate til I couldn’t eat no more.
Last night, as I talked to my girlfriend she reminded me of the pinky-swear we’d made to each other a few weeks ago. Over the weeks we had been discussing our thirties and how it is rough. Basically, it’s correcting all of the mistakes we made in our twenties, while setting a better life up for our forties. We both agreed that the thirties are kicking our tails. So she, just a few years younger, made me promise that this year---my last year in my thirties---I would make it the BEST year so that when I look back over my life I can say……. “My thirties were great!!” And so I promised.
And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also ye are called in one body; and be ye thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord. --Colossians 3:15-16
Friday, February 13, 2009
A True Love
Ok, I don’t know about anybody else, but I am saddened by the Chris Brown and Rihanna fiasco. Not the fact that their careers are in jeopardy, or that their images are tainted, but the fact that these two young people obviously relied on each other so much that it became dangerous. Yes, yes…..there are so many stories, rumors, and opinions out there and probably more than enough of it ain’t true, but one alleged comment from an industry exec really struck me. He said that both Chris and Rihanna were so obsessed with one another to the point where it was too much for them to handle.
This kind of “love” ain’t uncommon. It happens daily. And it happens to the best of us. Gotta admit, I had fallen prey to it in my younger years. Not to the point of physical abuse, but emotional. Just thinking that one person can provide every one of my needs---mind, body, and soul---was a huge task to be given to another, and for the other to uphold. I don’t know why I got so caught up cause it wasn’t as if I was lacking emotional support from my loved ones. But I think I just got caught up into the fairytale. That’s until reality decided to show up—lol. Thank God we both were strong enough to walk away from each other and deal with the scars on our own. Cause, not that I’m a therapist or anything—lol, but what I think is that the person (or relationship with that person) that scars you, you will also turn to that same person for healing. And for a period you will think that you are healing and that all is well, but then another situation occurs. It becomes a pattern. And I’ll be the first to admit that one of the best feelings in the world is when you and your man make up after going through some drama--lol. It’s a false sense of love and security that sucks both in. But in reality it’s such a big responsibility on both. But it’s not our responsibility to carry---even if married. It wasn’t until way in my thirties that I understood the role of a companion.
For them, Chris and Rihanna, I can imagine it a little more challenging. First, I hear that they both come from emotional upbringings. And so when you find someone who can “identify” it’s comforting. And second, I also hear that being that famous it’s hard to find a companion who understands the celebrity lifestyle. So if you went down their checklist of must-haves from age, to success, to money, to background, to image, and even to their peer circle….it seemed a good fit.
But can I be real today, since its V-day tomorrow—lol. You know what pisses me off…….the allege jump-off that fueled the fire. Ok, ok……if there was emotional and physical abuse already there then chances are anything could have fueled them. But if the text message from the jump-off is indeed true…….what in the heck was she thinking. I mean, whether Chris and Rihanna had broken up or not, their lovey dovey photos are posted EVERYWHERE. I mean, are women still that desperate and conniving that the only way they think they can have a man is by taking someone else’s???? I thought we had grown pass that with the Oprah/Beyonce/Mary J. empowering woman movement--lol. Are we going backwards???? But even if Chris was a newly single “man”, let him get over his first love. I mean, c’mon. That's rebounding at its finest. I'm learning that the best thing we can do for men is give them their space---mentally, physically, and emotionally. Even if they say otherwise. Cause if you truly care for someone (and yourself) then you will do what's best for the whole, not just your selfish desires.
But then there’s this thing called L-O-V-E. Real love. The love that few relationships, even some marriages, are built on. Though it’s a commonly used (and abused) term, a lot of us don’t really know what it means to love someone. I have to admit, I’m still having trouble swallowing the pill that some folk who I claim to love, I really don’t. Not according to the Word of God. One thing I do know is that since God is Love, it is IMPOSSIBLE to love someone if Christ doesn’t live within us. We can't do it with our own might. It's impossible.
So last year, what I started doing was going down the check list of what love is (according to the Word of God) and applying it to my “loved ones”. Gotta admit, it’s a challenge (lol). It really helps to examine MY HEART. Those that I claim to love who I can’t get all the way down the list…….well, I’m seeking God in those areas so please keep a sistah in your prayers. So here goes:
Do I love my mother?:
Love is patient (check/check/check--lol)
Love is kind (check)
Love does not envy (check)
Love does not boast (check)
Love is not proud (check)
Love is not rude (check)
Love is not self-seeking (check)
Love is not easily angered (I come a long with this one, so CHECK)
Love keeps no record of wrongs (working on it—half check)
Love does not delight in evil (check)
Love rejoices with the truth (check)
Love always protects (check/check)
Love always trusts (check)
Love always hopes (check)
Love always perseveres (check)
Love never fails (despite the spats, I will always love my momma—CHECK)
I know I’m not perfect and I’m human, but if the Lord gives me a command it is my responsibility to be obedient, therefore I will not make excuses for my fleshly choices---especially when I call myself loving someone.
Happy Valentines Day---tomorrow!!! --jill
If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. --1 Corinthians 13:3-8
This kind of “love” ain’t uncommon. It happens daily. And it happens to the best of us. Gotta admit, I had fallen prey to it in my younger years. Not to the point of physical abuse, but emotional. Just thinking that one person can provide every one of my needs---mind, body, and soul---was a huge task to be given to another, and for the other to uphold. I don’t know why I got so caught up cause it wasn’t as if I was lacking emotional support from my loved ones. But I think I just got caught up into the fairytale. That’s until reality decided to show up—lol. Thank God we both were strong enough to walk away from each other and deal with the scars on our own. Cause, not that I’m a therapist or anything—lol, but what I think is that the person (or relationship with that person) that scars you, you will also turn to that same person for healing. And for a period you will think that you are healing and that all is well, but then another situation occurs. It becomes a pattern. And I’ll be the first to admit that one of the best feelings in the world is when you and your man make up after going through some drama--lol. It’s a false sense of love and security that sucks both in. But in reality it’s such a big responsibility on both. But it’s not our responsibility to carry---even if married. It wasn’t until way in my thirties that I understood the role of a companion.
For them, Chris and Rihanna, I can imagine it a little more challenging. First, I hear that they both come from emotional upbringings. And so when you find someone who can “identify” it’s comforting. And second, I also hear that being that famous it’s hard to find a companion who understands the celebrity lifestyle. So if you went down their checklist of must-haves from age, to success, to money, to background, to image, and even to their peer circle….it seemed a good fit.
But can I be real today, since its V-day tomorrow—lol. You know what pisses me off…….the allege jump-off that fueled the fire. Ok, ok……if there was emotional and physical abuse already there then chances are anything could have fueled them. But if the text message from the jump-off is indeed true…….what in the heck was she thinking. I mean, whether Chris and Rihanna had broken up or not, their lovey dovey photos are posted EVERYWHERE. I mean, are women still that desperate and conniving that the only way they think they can have a man is by taking someone else’s???? I thought we had grown pass that with the Oprah/Beyonce/Mary J. empowering woman movement--lol. Are we going backwards???? But even if Chris was a newly single “man”, let him get over his first love. I mean, c’mon. That's rebounding at its finest. I'm learning that the best thing we can do for men is give them their space---mentally, physically, and emotionally. Even if they say otherwise. Cause if you truly care for someone (and yourself) then you will do what's best for the whole, not just your selfish desires.
But then there’s this thing called L-O-V-E. Real love. The love that few relationships, even some marriages, are built on. Though it’s a commonly used (and abused) term, a lot of us don’t really know what it means to love someone. I have to admit, I’m still having trouble swallowing the pill that some folk who I claim to love, I really don’t. Not according to the Word of God. One thing I do know is that since God is Love, it is IMPOSSIBLE to love someone if Christ doesn’t live within us. We can't do it with our own might. It's impossible.
So last year, what I started doing was going down the check list of what love is (according to the Word of God) and applying it to my “loved ones”. Gotta admit, it’s a challenge (lol). It really helps to examine MY HEART. Those that I claim to love who I can’t get all the way down the list…….well, I’m seeking God in those areas so please keep a sistah in your prayers. So here goes:
Do I love my mother?:
Love is patient (check/check/check--lol)
Love is kind (check)
Love does not envy (check)
Love does not boast (check)
Love is not proud (check)
Love is not rude (check)
Love is not self-seeking (check)
Love is not easily angered (I come a long with this one, so CHECK)
Love keeps no record of wrongs (working on it—half check)
Love does not delight in evil (check)
Love rejoices with the truth (check)
Love always protects (check/check)
Love always trusts (check)
Love always hopes (check)
Love always perseveres (check)
Love never fails (despite the spats, I will always love my momma—CHECK)
I know I’m not perfect and I’m human, but if the Lord gives me a command it is my responsibility to be obedient, therefore I will not make excuses for my fleshly choices---especially when I call myself loving someone.
Happy Valentines Day---tomorrow!!! --jill
If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. --1 Corinthians 13:3-8
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
A Shout Out to Jesus!!
Talk about God getting all the glory!!! I’m sooo overjoyed. I would blame it on the unseasonable, spring-like weather here in DC, but my soul is overjoyed. And that feels waaaay better than the physical feeling.
Ok, so it started this morning while getting dressed I heard the story on the news about the miracle baby. Have you heard it?????? LOL. Ok, well…….a two year old little girl fell into a pool of frozen---I said FROZEN---water and stayed under the water for 18 minutes---I said EIGHTEEN MINUTES---and survived!!!! So they had the parents and the doctor on the news talking about it. The doctor of course tried to make it out of a science experiment in which the news outlet gave him ample time to explain the unexplainable. Dude was like……. “well what probably happened was that……….” His conclusion didn’t even make sense.
But then the momma had her say. Whew!! I’m getting chills thinking about it. Ok, hold on a minute (taking a minute-long glory break—lol). Ok, I’m back. The mother, not given a quarter of the time given to the doctor, simply said…… “you have to understand that we are Christians and our God can do the impossible.” Ok, I’m now literally crying. You know hearing her say that made me know that it only takes a second to give God the glory and impact a multitude of people. The mother could have said a many of things, including….. “I’m so grateful our daughter is alive”. But instead she gave ALL 15 seconds glory to God. That’s what I’m talking bout.
Then if that wasn’t enough, I clicked on Yahoo this afternoon and read the story of the 19 year-old student in Florida who attended Obama’s town hall meeting. Apparently, Obama had time for one more question and out of all the folk there trying to get their question picked, Obama picked the student. So he asked Obama about the chances of him getting a wage increase at his part-time job cause although he had been there for 4 years he hadn’t seen an increase and needed more money---being a student and all. Well, long story short, he was at the right place, at the right time. Obama asked what he was studying in school and he said “communications”. Dude walked out with a paid gig as the color announcer for the Fort Myers Miracle baseball team’s radio broadcast for its home opener April 10. And to add to that, he’s been interviewed by countless media outlets since. Wow....I'm just noticing that the baseball team's name is "miracle". Wow.
Giving him the gig and all was nice, but what made the story for me was the headline:
‘Thank you, Lord Jesus!’ Excited young man lands job -- for a day -- after asking Obama a question.
Dude made it clear that being at the right place, at the right time was nothing short of an act of God. And you know what makes both stories so amazing, the fact that the Lord did the miracles even before they gave glory to Him publicly. I know, I know…..if it wasn’t for the miracle it wouldn’t have been public. But I got a feeling that the Lord knew what He was doing—lol.
And this gospel of the kingdom shall be preached in all the world for a witness unto all nations; and then shall the end come. —Matthew 24:14
Ok, so it started this morning while getting dressed I heard the story on the news about the miracle baby. Have you heard it?????? LOL. Ok, well…….a two year old little girl fell into a pool of frozen---I said FROZEN---water and stayed under the water for 18 minutes---I said EIGHTEEN MINUTES---and survived!!!! So they had the parents and the doctor on the news talking about it. The doctor of course tried to make it out of a science experiment in which the news outlet gave him ample time to explain the unexplainable. Dude was like……. “well what probably happened was that……….” His conclusion didn’t even make sense.
But then the momma had her say. Whew!! I’m getting chills thinking about it. Ok, hold on a minute (taking a minute-long glory break—lol). Ok, I’m back. The mother, not given a quarter of the time given to the doctor, simply said…… “you have to understand that we are Christians and our God can do the impossible.” Ok, I’m now literally crying. You know hearing her say that made me know that it only takes a second to give God the glory and impact a multitude of people. The mother could have said a many of things, including….. “I’m so grateful our daughter is alive”. But instead she gave ALL 15 seconds glory to God. That’s what I’m talking bout.
Then if that wasn’t enough, I clicked on Yahoo this afternoon and read the story of the 19 year-old student in Florida who attended Obama’s town hall meeting. Apparently, Obama had time for one more question and out of all the folk there trying to get their question picked, Obama picked the student. So he asked Obama about the chances of him getting a wage increase at his part-time job cause although he had been there for 4 years he hadn’t seen an increase and needed more money---being a student and all. Well, long story short, he was at the right place, at the right time. Obama asked what he was studying in school and he said “communications”. Dude walked out with a paid gig as the color announcer for the Fort Myers Miracle baseball team’s radio broadcast for its home opener April 10. And to add to that, he’s been interviewed by countless media outlets since. Wow....I'm just noticing that the baseball team's name is "miracle". Wow.
Giving him the gig and all was nice, but what made the story for me was the headline:
‘Thank you, Lord Jesus!’ Excited young man lands job -- for a day -- after asking Obama a question.
Dude made it clear that being at the right place, at the right time was nothing short of an act of God. And you know what makes both stories so amazing, the fact that the Lord did the miracles even before they gave glory to Him publicly. I know, I know…..if it wasn’t for the miracle it wouldn’t have been public. But I got a feeling that the Lord knew what He was doing—lol.
And this gospel of the kingdom shall be preached in all the world for a witness unto all nations; and then shall the end come. —Matthew 24:14
Monday, February 9, 2009
Back to Basics
What a beautiful day!!! Actually, it was a beautiful weekend starting with Friday. Weather and activity wise. This weather really makes me look forward to spring. Though I love sweaters, tights, and boots…..it’s just something about a light jacket and a stroll down 7th street on a spring morning that sends me over. Activates my life’s wish list—lol.
Ok, so you know my weekends for the next ten or so weeks revolve around Strike Force. If you haven’t read my other entries, Strike Force is an intense 12-week course on the prophetic and prayer taught by Arch Bishop Nicolas Duncan-Williams from Ghana. When I say its deep……it’s deep. It is serious boot camp for warriors in Christ. Serious, authentic Christianity. How Christians should be operating on a daily. It ain’t no… “I’m searching for my destiny/I need motivation for success/tip-toe around the Word of God” talk. In fact, destiny is taking place with those who are a part of Strike Force. There is no question about it. We’ve arrived and fulfilling purpose of where we are to be in Christ. And I’m loving every minute of it cause I prayed to be a part of something as powerful as this. Seriously, I prayed for this last year. I prayed to go deeper in prayer.
On Saturday so many folk received their breakthrough. Some folk were stretched out and crying on the altar while others were in corners praying fervently. We prayed for a good 3 hours straight before the lesson. Can you imagine 300 folk praying nonstop????? Well that was Saturday. And we received instruction that on February 20th prayer will start at 10pm and will not end until 7pm the next night!!! Yes, yes……uh yes 21 hours straight of nonstop prayer. And only the strong will survive. That’s what I’m talking bout!!! Pray until something happens. We’re so missing this in the church today. I ain’t saying all churches cause there are lots that didn’t fall for the “prosperity” movement. But there are a lot that forgot about the power of prayer and are relying on self-power, instead of Holy Ghost power. Call it spooky spiritual if you want, but this is the difference between going to church and going to God.
Ok, so me and my sister were having a conversation about unhappy Christians. It almost sounds weird to put UNHAPPY and CHRISTIAN in the same sentence. But the truth of the matter is that there are so many unhappy Christians. Folk who are going to church EVERY Sunday, some even a couple times a week, and are miserable. And if you’re single……you can forget it. We’re unhappy cause we don’t really know God!!! Period. Cause our belief system has been tainted. And its our fault. Can’t blame nobody but us cause we’re all given a measure of faith. And we don’t study God’s Word to know how to use it. We rely on other’s interpretation. Then when conflict and contradiction comes in the church we’re baffled and confused. And so as a result we stop believing until we see proof. Cause we don’t know what to believe anymore. And so we’re just going through the motions. And being a borderline Christian. Not walking in the fullness of God.
You know what’s a sad reality……..a lot of folk who think they are Christians do not really believe in God. Or should I say the power of God. I think they want to, or believe that a higher power is out there cause society says so, but they don’t believe that God can work miracles, heal, deliver, set-free, restore, reconcile, recover, and whatever else that is impossible for us humans to do in our own strength. Society has taught us that seeing is believing. And somehow in the church we equate outward appearance as an indication of a true (or untrue) Christian.
You know what disappoints me……..that at least two of my girlfriends have given up on God and have lost faith that He will send them a husband. They simply do not believe. Totally hopeless. And I’m talking about girlfriends who claim to know God. Active in leadership positions within their churches. How can this be?????? Unfortunately, it’s not uncommon. There are a lot of hopeless, unhappy folk who are calling themselves Christians.
Bottomline, we have to go back to the foundational things of God. Prayer and fasting, and seeking His face. We gotta go back to the thought that if God never blesses us again can we still give Him reverence. Can we still worship Him. You know what did my heart good on Saturday????? Seeing the pastor and all of the guest evangelists lying on their face seeking and worshipping God. None of the guest pastors entered in on a white horse with an entourage. And nobody left before the benediction. When one shouted, we all shouted. When the pastor laid his hands on one, he also laid his hands on all. The guest pastors and all. And it was powerful to see the altar workers being touched and going out in the Spirit too. We need to go back to this. We have to go back. Cause we’re the Body of Christ and so we all need to function fully in order to operate. So my prayer continues to be that the church will go back to basics. Back to its first love.
I know thy works, and thy labour, and thy patience, and how thou canst not bear them which are evil: and thou hast tried them which say they are apostles, and are not, and hast found them liars: And hast borne, and hast patience, and for my name's sake hast laboured, and hast not fainted. Nevertheless I have somewhat against thee, because thou hast left thy first love. Remember therefore from whence thou art fallen, and repent, and do the first works; or else I will come unto thee quickly, and will remove thy candlestick out of his place, except thou repent. –Revelation 2:2-5
Ok, so you know my weekends for the next ten or so weeks revolve around Strike Force. If you haven’t read my other entries, Strike Force is an intense 12-week course on the prophetic and prayer taught by Arch Bishop Nicolas Duncan-Williams from Ghana. When I say its deep……it’s deep. It is serious boot camp for warriors in Christ. Serious, authentic Christianity. How Christians should be operating on a daily. It ain’t no… “I’m searching for my destiny/I need motivation for success/tip-toe around the Word of God” talk. In fact, destiny is taking place with those who are a part of Strike Force. There is no question about it. We’ve arrived and fulfilling purpose of where we are to be in Christ. And I’m loving every minute of it cause I prayed to be a part of something as powerful as this. Seriously, I prayed for this last year. I prayed to go deeper in prayer.
On Saturday so many folk received their breakthrough. Some folk were stretched out and crying on the altar while others were in corners praying fervently. We prayed for a good 3 hours straight before the lesson. Can you imagine 300 folk praying nonstop????? Well that was Saturday. And we received instruction that on February 20th prayer will start at 10pm and will not end until 7pm the next night!!! Yes, yes……uh yes 21 hours straight of nonstop prayer. And only the strong will survive. That’s what I’m talking bout!!! Pray until something happens. We’re so missing this in the church today. I ain’t saying all churches cause there are lots that didn’t fall for the “prosperity” movement. But there are a lot that forgot about the power of prayer and are relying on self-power, instead of Holy Ghost power. Call it spooky spiritual if you want, but this is the difference between going to church and going to God.
Ok, so me and my sister were having a conversation about unhappy Christians. It almost sounds weird to put UNHAPPY and CHRISTIAN in the same sentence. But the truth of the matter is that there are so many unhappy Christians. Folk who are going to church EVERY Sunday, some even a couple times a week, and are miserable. And if you’re single……you can forget it. We’re unhappy cause we don’t really know God!!! Period. Cause our belief system has been tainted. And its our fault. Can’t blame nobody but us cause we’re all given a measure of faith. And we don’t study God’s Word to know how to use it. We rely on other’s interpretation. Then when conflict and contradiction comes in the church we’re baffled and confused. And so as a result we stop believing until we see proof. Cause we don’t know what to believe anymore. And so we’re just going through the motions. And being a borderline Christian. Not walking in the fullness of God.
You know what’s a sad reality……..a lot of folk who think they are Christians do not really believe in God. Or should I say the power of God. I think they want to, or believe that a higher power is out there cause society says so, but they don’t believe that God can work miracles, heal, deliver, set-free, restore, reconcile, recover, and whatever else that is impossible for us humans to do in our own strength. Society has taught us that seeing is believing. And somehow in the church we equate outward appearance as an indication of a true (or untrue) Christian.
You know what disappoints me……..that at least two of my girlfriends have given up on God and have lost faith that He will send them a husband. They simply do not believe. Totally hopeless. And I’m talking about girlfriends who claim to know God. Active in leadership positions within their churches. How can this be?????? Unfortunately, it’s not uncommon. There are a lot of hopeless, unhappy folk who are calling themselves Christians.
Bottomline, we have to go back to the foundational things of God. Prayer and fasting, and seeking His face. We gotta go back to the thought that if God never blesses us again can we still give Him reverence. Can we still worship Him. You know what did my heart good on Saturday????? Seeing the pastor and all of the guest evangelists lying on their face seeking and worshipping God. None of the guest pastors entered in on a white horse with an entourage. And nobody left before the benediction. When one shouted, we all shouted. When the pastor laid his hands on one, he also laid his hands on all. The guest pastors and all. And it was powerful to see the altar workers being touched and going out in the Spirit too. We need to go back to this. We have to go back. Cause we’re the Body of Christ and so we all need to function fully in order to operate. So my prayer continues to be that the church will go back to basics. Back to its first love.
I know thy works, and thy labour, and thy patience, and how thou canst not bear them which are evil: and thou hast tried them which say they are apostles, and are not, and hast found them liars: And hast borne, and hast patience, and for my name's sake hast laboured, and hast not fainted. Nevertheless I have somewhat against thee, because thou hast left thy first love. Remember therefore from whence thou art fallen, and repent, and do the first works; or else I will come unto thee quickly, and will remove thy candlestick out of his place, except thou repent. –Revelation 2:2-5
Thursday, February 5, 2009
How Will I Know?
Why is it so darn cold out!!!! When I got in my car the dashboard said 13 degrees. I’m like…..you have got to be kidding me. Seriously, when I got to my office building my hands and feet were frozen solid. I couldn’t walk any farther, nor could I pull out my badge for security. I had to literally take a minute to thaw out—lol. I guess I asked for it. Cause believe it or not, I like the winter better than the summer. I know….I’m weird. Probably got a lot to do with my birthday---I’m a winter baby---and I was born in New York. LOL.
Anyway, so I decided to drive to the Metro this morning since I have dinner plans. Don’t drive in often because it’s a whopping 5 extra bucks to park, on top of the $10 roundtrip fare. Yes, that’s daily!! So it’s more economical for me to catch the bus to the Metro. But I like taking the bus cause its so convenient and its door-to-door service.
So because I was driving in I decided to wake up extra early to get a good parking spot in the garage. I don’t like getting out of the bed no earlier than I have to. But because God’s timing is impeccable…..I woke up early enough to catch the Joni Show on DayStar Television. Man, I love her show. She has really cool guests and topics.
This morning’s guest was a young, white man, probably in his twenties, who wrote a book on having a deep relationship with Christ. I forgot the name of the book---sorry. But he told the audience that he had had a really rough time with commitment until he accepted Christ. And basically expressed how his life has changed since accepting Christ even being blessed with a wonderful wife and baby daughter. Apparently, dude is known to be a very successful, intelligent guy. Don’t know since it was my first time seeing him. But Joni asked him how his intelligence supports him in living a day-to-day Christian life. And his response was surprising. He said actually it doesn’t. He said that his intelligence gets in the way of God’s voice. Cause lots of times when God tells him to do something (or not to do something), his intellect will try to reason with God---breaking situations down in fine pieces, he said. He emphasized that having a true relationship with God has nothing to do with your smarts, but your heart.
He also said something else that confirmed what I had learned and seen working in my life last year in a number of situations. Its how does one know the will of God? As I’ve expressed several times in entries…….I know God’s will when I choose to do something and that something (be it a person, place, thing, whatever) makes me feel closer to God’s presence. If it doesn’t then I know that I’m in the wrong place and out of God’s will. For instance, over the summer last year, I had met a guy. A really nice guy. I actually ran into him at a social last month. This guy has it going on---that’s to the eye and ear—lol. When I met him I was at a very vulnerable time in my life in which I wanted an escape. At the time, I was trying to figure out things in my own personal situation---that’s before I understood that God was in complete control---and so I just needed to do something outside of the norm. I wanted a change. Something different.
So I met the guy on a whim through a friend. We exchanged numbers and immediately he started calling me. The first conversation was cool. He had asked to take me to this little Asian spot in Bethesda in which I love. So of course I accepted and we set a date. I love a man who takes control and so I was giddy cause he was saying all of the stuff that I wanted to hear. My “issues and concerns” were non-existing. Because my potential “knight in shining armor” was rescuing me--lol. And I was letting him. But when things were quiet and still, you know early in the morning when I’d awaken for no reason, I saw the little red flag waving.
The first sign----the date was at the same time as a function at my church. I knew I had previously planned to go to the function and was excited about it, but when dude asked me out I was quick to say “forget the function!!” All week before the date I was in this euphoria---thinking of the possibilities. The second sign----I totally stopped thinking about [my friend] who is soooo passionate about the Lord. We both help each other in putting perspective on our daily Christian lives. And our love for God is what our friendship is built on so God be all up in our business--lol. And that's what we want. But I stopped thinking about "we" and was kinda wishing the thoughts of us would disappear forever. As "we" faded so did my thoughts about the Lord's desires for me. Then the third and final sign----thinking about God’s approval of this guy depressed me. I didn’t want anybody else’s approval. I approved and that was all I needed. I just wanted to enjoy what came my way. What I’d been missing. What I deserved. So I thought.
This morning, the guy on the Joni show confirmed this. I mean, if Christ’s Spirit is living on the inside of us it will guide us where we need to go, and will remind us when we are going in the wrong direction cause we’ve decided to take the wheel. Needless to say, I didn’t go on the date with dude. And tried to explain, but he didn’t understand. I mean, he heard me out and asked a few questions, but it was clear he thought I was from a different planet--lol. Whatever. When I saw him a few weeks ago he had very little to say to me beyond hello and goodnight. And that was to a group of us. How rude I first thought, but after a few minutes I was cool. Cause I was thinking about [my friend] and the goodness of God. And was in deep conversation with several others talking about our breakthrough from fasting. At one point I spotted dude in another area playing chess for money, while smoking a cigar and sipping. Ugh!!! Never—lol. It took six months to see in the natural that he and I are on two totally different life paths. But thank God for the Holy Spirit cause I saw it way before then. And that’s how I know.
And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. –Romans 12:2
Anyway, so I decided to drive to the Metro this morning since I have dinner plans. Don’t drive in often because it’s a whopping 5 extra bucks to park, on top of the $10 roundtrip fare. Yes, that’s daily!! So it’s more economical for me to catch the bus to the Metro. But I like taking the bus cause its so convenient and its door-to-door service.
So because I was driving in I decided to wake up extra early to get a good parking spot in the garage. I don’t like getting out of the bed no earlier than I have to. But because God’s timing is impeccable…..I woke up early enough to catch the Joni Show on DayStar Television. Man, I love her show. She has really cool guests and topics.
This morning’s guest was a young, white man, probably in his twenties, who wrote a book on having a deep relationship with Christ. I forgot the name of the book---sorry. But he told the audience that he had had a really rough time with commitment until he accepted Christ. And basically expressed how his life has changed since accepting Christ even being blessed with a wonderful wife and baby daughter. Apparently, dude is known to be a very successful, intelligent guy. Don’t know since it was my first time seeing him. But Joni asked him how his intelligence supports him in living a day-to-day Christian life. And his response was surprising. He said actually it doesn’t. He said that his intelligence gets in the way of God’s voice. Cause lots of times when God tells him to do something (or not to do something), his intellect will try to reason with God---breaking situations down in fine pieces, he said. He emphasized that having a true relationship with God has nothing to do with your smarts, but your heart.
He also said something else that confirmed what I had learned and seen working in my life last year in a number of situations. Its how does one know the will of God? As I’ve expressed several times in entries…….I know God’s will when I choose to do something and that something (be it a person, place, thing, whatever) makes me feel closer to God’s presence. If it doesn’t then I know that I’m in the wrong place and out of God’s will. For instance, over the summer last year, I had met a guy. A really nice guy. I actually ran into him at a social last month. This guy has it going on---that’s to the eye and ear—lol. When I met him I was at a very vulnerable time in my life in which I wanted an escape. At the time, I was trying to figure out things in my own personal situation---that’s before I understood that God was in complete control---and so I just needed to do something outside of the norm. I wanted a change. Something different.
So I met the guy on a whim through a friend. We exchanged numbers and immediately he started calling me. The first conversation was cool. He had asked to take me to this little Asian spot in Bethesda in which I love. So of course I accepted and we set a date. I love a man who takes control and so I was giddy cause he was saying all of the stuff that I wanted to hear. My “issues and concerns” were non-existing. Because my potential “knight in shining armor” was rescuing me--lol. And I was letting him. But when things were quiet and still, you know early in the morning when I’d awaken for no reason, I saw the little red flag waving.
The first sign----the date was at the same time as a function at my church. I knew I had previously planned to go to the function and was excited about it, but when dude asked me out I was quick to say “forget the function!!” All week before the date I was in this euphoria---thinking of the possibilities. The second sign----I totally stopped thinking about [my friend] who is soooo passionate about the Lord. We both help each other in putting perspective on our daily Christian lives. And our love for God is what our friendship is built on so God be all up in our business--lol. And that's what we want. But I stopped thinking about "we" and was kinda wishing the thoughts of us would disappear forever. As "we" faded so did my thoughts about the Lord's desires for me. Then the third and final sign----thinking about God’s approval of this guy depressed me. I didn’t want anybody else’s approval. I approved and that was all I needed. I just wanted to enjoy what came my way. What I’d been missing. What I deserved. So I thought.
This morning, the guy on the Joni show confirmed this. I mean, if Christ’s Spirit is living on the inside of us it will guide us where we need to go, and will remind us when we are going in the wrong direction cause we’ve decided to take the wheel. Needless to say, I didn’t go on the date with dude. And tried to explain, but he didn’t understand. I mean, he heard me out and asked a few questions, but it was clear he thought I was from a different planet--lol. Whatever. When I saw him a few weeks ago he had very little to say to me beyond hello and goodnight. And that was to a group of us. How rude I first thought, but after a few minutes I was cool. Cause I was thinking about [my friend] and the goodness of God. And was in deep conversation with several others talking about our breakthrough from fasting. At one point I spotted dude in another area playing chess for money, while smoking a cigar and sipping. Ugh!!! Never—lol. It took six months to see in the natural that he and I are on two totally different life paths. But thank God for the Holy Spirit cause I saw it way before then. And that’s how I know.
And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. –Romans 12:2
Monday, February 2, 2009
Strike Force
Ok, I had one of those “confirmed” divine timing experiences this weekend. And you know I gotta share. I’m still tripping out about it---lol. Cause I luuuvs when God shows Himself faithful to me. I just luuuuvs it—lol.
So I had my Saturday all planned. I was getting up early to go to the library to return a few books and check out more, then off to the gym for a good two hour workout, then to the grocery store to prepare for my Super Bowl festivities on Sunday---Go Steelers!!!---and then out to dinner since my fast was officially ending on Saturday evening at 6pm.
I woke up nice and early on Saturday, and made my telephone rounds. It’s so convenient to call my sisters, cousins, and girlfriends during this time since their weekdays are packed like mine. So I attempted my calls and got stuck on the phone with my oldest sister. We were engrossed in conversation discussing her new church and how much she’s grown Spiritually since she joined back in early December. I have been attending her new church for the past few months as well---luuuvs it---and so she and my two girlfriends, who also attend the church, were planning to start their new 12-week class on the Prophetic that afternoon. Not to necessarily become a prophet, but a course called Strike Force that takes a deep look into the Gifts of the Holy Spirit, an in depth understanding of prophecy, fundamentals in praying in the Holy Spirit, understanding when God speaks, and more. I had wanted to take the course taught by renowned Arch Bishop Duncan Williams from Ghana, especially since the Lord speaks to me in dreams, but the couple hundred dollar tuition was just not in my budget. But I was glad that my sister and girlfriends were attending.
So Saturday morning, I’m on the phone with my sister and she tells me that my mother decided to also take the course. Said she felt in her Spirit that she needed to be there. I was so glad to hear this since my mother is “deep”. When she speaks we listen. Ok, not all of her children—lol. But most of us.
At about noon, my sister asks me what time it was and when I told her she was frantic because registration was at 1pm, class starting at 2pm. So we got off the phone and immediately my sinuses started kicking my butt. So I lay across the bed for a minute until I could calm my nerves to put on my gym clothes. At any other time I would have taken a Benadryl, but it would have knocked me out. So I just sat still hoping the pain would subside.
By 1pm, the pain was excruciating. I was hoping I wasn’t getting a sinus affection. But at a quarter to 2pm, I had decided that there was no way I could go to the gym cause I needed to take the Benadryl. But I had a dilemma. I HAD to return my library books that were due. I just needed to drop them in the box. Then I'd come home, take the pills, and get in the bed. I didn’t even feel like checking out any new books. So I dragged myself out of the bed and literally went to the library in my pajamas. Ok, I put jeans over my pajama pants and my BSU hoodie over my night shirt, threw on a hat and my coat, grabbed my wallet, phone, keys, and two books and I was out.
As I was taking the 20 minute ride, I felt bad because it was such a beautiful day. And I really hate when I’m house-ridden on a beautiful day, but I physically felt horrible. I didn’t even want to go to the grocery store. But when I was almost at the library my mother called from the church. She simply said….. “Me and Elizabeth (my girlfriend) paid your tuition in full for the course, come on!!” I’m like, huh!!!! You did what??!!!! Immediately, no lie, the sinus pain disappeared!!! Then my mother said again, “come on the class doesn’t start until 2pm.” Ok, it was about 2pm and I was 45 minutes away from the church, not to mention………I had on my pajamas!!!!!
No joke……..I returned my books, drove all the way back home (a twenty minute drive), took a quick shower, threw on some jeans, a sweater, and my boots, grabbed my notebook, pen, and Bible, drove 30 minutes to the church and was pulling into the parking lot by 3:30p. No joke, when I got there they were still in prayer and Duncan-Williams hadn’t started teaching yet. The church was packed out.
Ok, where do I begin……………………………………
Wow!!! Is the first word that comes to mind. Saturday was the overview class of what to expect in the next 12 weeks. I mean, it was amazing. He just basically, in simple conversation-like lecturing, gave an overview of the new movement of the American church. How it’s being run like a Fortune 500 company, all while not fully operating in the FULLNESS of the Holy Spirit. He revealed why the church members are suffering lack and why we’re not seeing fruit, cause we’re not operating as a five-fold ministry. Stuff I had heard before, but not to this magnitude and in this way. The Arch Bishop broke it down, using himself as an example. He gave us the first two principles that a lot of the American churches are lacking:
1. Understanding that it is crucial to pray for our pastors (cause we really haven’t been taught how to really pray, and we're in the mindset that they the ones with all the "stuff" so they need to pray for us).
2. Understanding that before we ascend (success/destiny), we must descend (humility).
I mean, it was all so deep. Simple, but deep. I was in awe. The Arch Bishop even prophesied over a few folk. And others told of their experience from Strike Force 2007 and 2008. Then we prayed continuously in the Spirit—by groups and then individually, all as a congregation. I’m telling you…..just that one class was life-changing. Honestly, it was the very FIRST time in my life that I left the church building with the feeling of relinquish and replenish. I felt complete. And if I had the money I would have given a couple hundred dollars offering just for that one class. Seriously, that’s how powerful the class was. And just imagine I got eleven more of those babies to do. I’m so overjoyed.
After the class was over, we all looked like we were rejuvenated. Everybody just had a natural freshness on their faces. It was weird. And then Elizabeth, my girlfriend, revealed that she had had a dream on last Tuesday of her mother saying that she was going to pay her tuition for the course. Elizabeth said she woke up so confused since her mother is in New York. She even pulled out her notebook to show me that she had written the dream down. She said it wasn’t until she got to church and saw my mother that the dream became clearer, and that it meant for she and my mother to pay for my tuition. Talk about hearing the voice of the Lord, and operating in His divine plan. The funny thing is that had I’d gone to the gym, I would’ve missed their call. God knew what he was doing.
By the time I got close to home it was almost 9pm and I didn’t want to do anything but be myself and eat—hadn’t eaten all day. So I stopped at my favorite restaurant, ordered my favorite meal, and rejoiced on ending an awesome 16-day fast.
(Now that he ascended, what is it but that he also descended first into the lower parts of the earth? He that descended is the same also that ascended up far above all heavens, that he might fill all things.) And he gave some, apostles; and some, prophets; and some, evangelists; and some, pastors and teachers; For the perfecting of the saints, for the work of the ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ: Till we all come in the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, unto a perfect man, unto the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ: That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive; But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ: From whom the whole body fitly joined together and compacted by that which every joint supplieth, according to the effectual working in the measure of every part, maketh increase of the body unto the edifying of itself in love. This I say therefore, and testify in the Lord, that ye henceforth walk not as other Gentiles walk, in the vanity of their mind, having the understanding darkened, being alienated from the life of God through the ignorance that is in them, because of the blindness of their heart: Who being past feeling have given themselves over unto lasciviousness, to work all uncleanness with greediness. But ye have not so learned Christ; If so be that ye have heard him, and have been taught by him, as the truth is in Jesus: That ye put off concerning the former conversation the old man, which is corrupt according to the deceitful lusts; And be renewed in the spirit of your mind; And that ye put on the new man, which after God is created in righteousness and true holiness. Wherefore putting away lying, speak every man truth with his neighbor: for we are members one of another. -- Ephesians 4:9-25
So I had my Saturday all planned. I was getting up early to go to the library to return a few books and check out more, then off to the gym for a good two hour workout, then to the grocery store to prepare for my Super Bowl festivities on Sunday---Go Steelers!!!---and then out to dinner since my fast was officially ending on Saturday evening at 6pm.
I woke up nice and early on Saturday, and made my telephone rounds. It’s so convenient to call my sisters, cousins, and girlfriends during this time since their weekdays are packed like mine. So I attempted my calls and got stuck on the phone with my oldest sister. We were engrossed in conversation discussing her new church and how much she’s grown Spiritually since she joined back in early December. I have been attending her new church for the past few months as well---luuuvs it---and so she and my two girlfriends, who also attend the church, were planning to start their new 12-week class on the Prophetic that afternoon. Not to necessarily become a prophet, but a course called Strike Force that takes a deep look into the Gifts of the Holy Spirit, an in depth understanding of prophecy, fundamentals in praying in the Holy Spirit, understanding when God speaks, and more. I had wanted to take the course taught by renowned Arch Bishop Duncan Williams from Ghana, especially since the Lord speaks to me in dreams, but the couple hundred dollar tuition was just not in my budget. But I was glad that my sister and girlfriends were attending.
So Saturday morning, I’m on the phone with my sister and she tells me that my mother decided to also take the course. Said she felt in her Spirit that she needed to be there. I was so glad to hear this since my mother is “deep”. When she speaks we listen. Ok, not all of her children—lol. But most of us.
At about noon, my sister asks me what time it was and when I told her she was frantic because registration was at 1pm, class starting at 2pm. So we got off the phone and immediately my sinuses started kicking my butt. So I lay across the bed for a minute until I could calm my nerves to put on my gym clothes. At any other time I would have taken a Benadryl, but it would have knocked me out. So I just sat still hoping the pain would subside.
By 1pm, the pain was excruciating. I was hoping I wasn’t getting a sinus affection. But at a quarter to 2pm, I had decided that there was no way I could go to the gym cause I needed to take the Benadryl. But I had a dilemma. I HAD to return my library books that were due. I just needed to drop them in the box. Then I'd come home, take the pills, and get in the bed. I didn’t even feel like checking out any new books. So I dragged myself out of the bed and literally went to the library in my pajamas. Ok, I put jeans over my pajama pants and my BSU hoodie over my night shirt, threw on a hat and my coat, grabbed my wallet, phone, keys, and two books and I was out.
As I was taking the 20 minute ride, I felt bad because it was such a beautiful day. And I really hate when I’m house-ridden on a beautiful day, but I physically felt horrible. I didn’t even want to go to the grocery store. But when I was almost at the library my mother called from the church. She simply said….. “Me and Elizabeth (my girlfriend) paid your tuition in full for the course, come on!!” I’m like, huh!!!! You did what??!!!! Immediately, no lie, the sinus pain disappeared!!! Then my mother said again, “come on the class doesn’t start until 2pm.” Ok, it was about 2pm and I was 45 minutes away from the church, not to mention………I had on my pajamas!!!!!
No joke……..I returned my books, drove all the way back home (a twenty minute drive), took a quick shower, threw on some jeans, a sweater, and my boots, grabbed my notebook, pen, and Bible, drove 30 minutes to the church and was pulling into the parking lot by 3:30p. No joke, when I got there they were still in prayer and Duncan-Williams hadn’t started teaching yet. The church was packed out.
Ok, where do I begin……………………………………
Wow!!! Is the first word that comes to mind. Saturday was the overview class of what to expect in the next 12 weeks. I mean, it was amazing. He just basically, in simple conversation-like lecturing, gave an overview of the new movement of the American church. How it’s being run like a Fortune 500 company, all while not fully operating in the FULLNESS of the Holy Spirit. He revealed why the church members are suffering lack and why we’re not seeing fruit, cause we’re not operating as a five-fold ministry. Stuff I had heard before, but not to this magnitude and in this way. The Arch Bishop broke it down, using himself as an example. He gave us the first two principles that a lot of the American churches are lacking:
1. Understanding that it is crucial to pray for our pastors (cause we really haven’t been taught how to really pray, and we're in the mindset that they the ones with all the "stuff" so they need to pray for us).
2. Understanding that before we ascend (success/destiny), we must descend (humility).
I mean, it was all so deep. Simple, but deep. I was in awe. The Arch Bishop even prophesied over a few folk. And others told of their experience from Strike Force 2007 and 2008. Then we prayed continuously in the Spirit—by groups and then individually, all as a congregation. I’m telling you…..just that one class was life-changing. Honestly, it was the very FIRST time in my life that I left the church building with the feeling of relinquish and replenish. I felt complete. And if I had the money I would have given a couple hundred dollars offering just for that one class. Seriously, that’s how powerful the class was. And just imagine I got eleven more of those babies to do. I’m so overjoyed.
After the class was over, we all looked like we were rejuvenated. Everybody just had a natural freshness on their faces. It was weird. And then Elizabeth, my girlfriend, revealed that she had had a dream on last Tuesday of her mother saying that she was going to pay her tuition for the course. Elizabeth said she woke up so confused since her mother is in New York. She even pulled out her notebook to show me that she had written the dream down. She said it wasn’t until she got to church and saw my mother that the dream became clearer, and that it meant for she and my mother to pay for my tuition. Talk about hearing the voice of the Lord, and operating in His divine plan. The funny thing is that had I’d gone to the gym, I would’ve missed their call. God knew what he was doing.
By the time I got close to home it was almost 9pm and I didn’t want to do anything but be myself and eat—hadn’t eaten all day. So I stopped at my favorite restaurant, ordered my favorite meal, and rejoiced on ending an awesome 16-day fast.
(Now that he ascended, what is it but that he also descended first into the lower parts of the earth? He that descended is the same also that ascended up far above all heavens, that he might fill all things.) And he gave some, apostles; and some, prophets; and some, evangelists; and some, pastors and teachers; For the perfecting of the saints, for the work of the ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ: Till we all come in the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, unto a perfect man, unto the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ: That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive; But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ: From whom the whole body fitly joined together and compacted by that which every joint supplieth, according to the effectual working in the measure of every part, maketh increase of the body unto the edifying of itself in love. This I say therefore, and testify in the Lord, that ye henceforth walk not as other Gentiles walk, in the vanity of their mind, having the understanding darkened, being alienated from the life of God through the ignorance that is in them, because of the blindness of their heart: Who being past feeling have given themselves over unto lasciviousness, to work all uncleanness with greediness. But ye have not so learned Christ; If so be that ye have heard him, and have been taught by him, as the truth is in Jesus: That ye put off concerning the former conversation the old man, which is corrupt according to the deceitful lusts; And be renewed in the spirit of your mind; And that ye put on the new man, which after God is created in righteousness and true holiness. Wherefore putting away lying, speak every man truth with his neighbor: for we are members one of another. -- Ephesians 4:9-25
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