Wow, something just happened and I feel so free. Actually it happened in the middle of the night, last night. I had just gotten off the phone and a burden was released that I had NO IDEA I was carrying. If you’d told me last week that I would be speaking with this person last night, I would’ve seriously doubt it. But just like all things in my life……God is in control.
You know what’s funny……for the last few months the story of Ruth has been on my mind. And just last night, about an hour before my phone rang, I was watching TBN and the guest pastor recited the story of Ruth. The Holy Spirit is amaaazing.
The story of Ruth fascinated me the first time I read it and I have been stuck on it ever since. Other than the Gospel of John, the Book of Ruth has got to be my favorite. That’s if I had to pick---lol. But I think I’m so fascinated by the story because each time I read it I get a whole new message.
So last night I was listening to the pastor on TBN and he started reciting the story. And I got chills because a message was revealed that I hadn’t really thought about. So often when I read Ruth, I think about the “trusting God for the right person” message or the “mother-daughter relationship” message, but last night I received a totally different message. And the timing couldn’t be more perfect.
So let me give my brief version of the story. Please bear with me if I’m a little incorrect, I promise not to be that much off---lol.
Ok, so there was this wealthy man named Elimelech from Bethlehem. He had a wife named Naomi and two sons. There had become a famine in Bethlehem and so everybody wanted to flee the city. Many interpret Bethlehem as representing the church, but that’s not my message today---lol. Anyway, so Elimelech and his family were hungry and wanted out. So they migrated to a city called Moab. Moab, if I may say, was the hood. Things were pretty bad there. But Elimlech was so hungry I guess he felt he had no other choice but to move his family there. Soon as they arrived in “the hood” Elimilech dies and his two sons marry two Moab princesses named Orpah and Ruth. Not soon after that, both sons die leaving their wives and their mother, Naomi, alone.
After losing her husband and both her sons, Naomi decides it was time to go back home to Bethlehem. Actually, I think word got to her that Bethlehem was getting back on track. (Yes, this really sounds like the church. But still not my message---lol). So Naomi decides to go home, back to Bethlehem, leaving both her daughters-in-law. She didn’t really want them to go with her because---ok, because they were hood chicks; around-the-way girls. And she didn’t want to be embarrassed. Didn’t want to have to explain to her wealthy friends. So she tried to convince them to stay in their land. But as she’s saying goodbye, neither one of them wants to depart from the woman they’d come to accept as their mom. At the same time, they knew nothing about Bethlehem for they were born and raised in Moab. The hood. So they had to make a decision. Umph. This is my message.
Orpah, being so used to the city of chaos---death and dying, decided to stay in Moab. She was so attached to what she knew. No chance for new possibilities and opportunity. But Ruth thought long and heavy. She thought about the woman who she had grown attached to and trusted with her life. Not knowing what awaited her in a foreign land, she just knew that if her momma was headed there it had to be okay.
Long story short, Naomi and Ruth got to their destination, had many struggles as the land was just getting back to normal, but their mother-daughter commitment to one another stayed in tact. Then one day as Ruth was out getting her and her mom their daily meal, she met a very wealthy man, Boaz, a good man. And not only does he wants Ruth, but he accepts Naomi, her momma-in-law. They fall in love, get married, and end up becoming the great-grandparents of King David. Fourteen generations later……Jesus was born. No need to go any further.
Ok, where in the world do I start---lol. Can I just say that Ruth is my girl? RUTH IS MY GIRL!! She wasn’t stupid. She didn’t have to see proof. She walked by faith. She knew that anything had to be better than the pit she was in. And she had already witnessed the God that Naomi spoke about. She was convinced. She got it.
But Ruth replied, “Don't urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the LORD deal with me, be it ever so severely, if anything but death separates you and me.” When Naomi realized that Ruth was determined to go with her, she stopped urging her. --Ruth 1:16
What is bubbling in me is the Orpah situation. The relationship Ruth had with Orpah, her sister-in-law. I’d imagine they were close. Both being two princesses from the same town, as well as marrying brothers. They had to have established such a deep bond. But then for both of their husbands to die---yes, they shared more than a bond. But the bond wasn’t strong enough to keep them together. See, Orpah couldn’t see past her situation. But Ruth had a mission. She wasn’t quite sure what it was, she just knew there was more for her. And so she started walking. I imagine she was a little hurt to see Orpah go, but she couldn’t go back. She had to keep going. She had to get out while she could.
What Ruth did.....pretty much happened to me in the middle of the night. After my unexpected phone call. I made the decision to keep walking. I’m not putting chains on folk and I’m not convincing nobody what I feel in my Spirit. If you want to come along I welcome you, if not………nice knowing you, but all we have in common at this point is our past. And the past is pretty dead.
At any other time I’d probably feel a little dismayed, but I feel different today. I finally got it. I understand and see the big picture. And it looks rather nice. Something wonderful is definitely about to happen. Perhaps Boaz got something up his sleeve---lol.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Sunday, April 26, 2009
No Limits
No limits, no boundaries, I see increase, all around me, stretch forth, break forth, release me, enlarge my territory…….take the limits off, take the limits off, release me, release me……say what you heard so you can see what you said……take the limits off, take the limits off, take the limits off…….enlarge my territory……….enlarge my territory.
Those are the lyrics of Israel and New Breed’s song, No Limits, I was listening to while doing the dishes tonight. I was just chilling---jamming to Pandora and getting myself ready for the work week when the song came on. The lyrics just took me to another place and before I knew it I nearly collapsed in tears. I had to sit down. Can I just say that I love God. I LOVE GOD!! I can’t say it enough. Whew. So much is happening in my life. Never in a million years would I think my relationship with Christ could be like this. In fact, I thought I was fine “just believing” and perhaps going to church a Sunday or two a month.
You know its good when you’re taken out your comfort zone and wholeheartedly welcome the challenge. And you know its good when you don’t know what the heck will happen tomorrow you just firmly believe that it’s gonna be awesome cause God’s in control. And you know its good when you’re oblivious to the people and things you thought important to you and now you see there’s no comparison. I now know what it means when I hear people say…….I’d rather have Jesus. This place I’m experiencing is trippin me out. Literally--lol. Can’t explain it even when I try. But the thing that helps put it together is being around folk who gets it. I mean, seriously. It's one thing to say you believe in God, but its another when you live what you claim. Cause there's no way you can truly live for God and not want to tell folk about Him.
Whew. So me and a couple of my loved ones graduated from our 12-week Strike Force class yesterday. And my life has totally changed. Strike Force is a class on the prophetic. Many of us walk in the prophetic by having visions or dreams, etc. I’m a dreamer. Always have been. Ok, let me make this clear.......I AM NOT A PROPHET. There's a difference in walking in the prophetic and being called to the office of a prophet. lol. But the class teaches all about the prophetic. What it is, who are called, what different things mean, etc. One of the key components of the class is prayer. If you’re walking in the prophetic you have to be an intercessor. And so we learned how to pray in the Spirit at a moments notice. One of our biggest accomplishments, or at least it was mine--lol, was praying around the clock for 24 hours straight. Yes, straight. No food, no sleeping. Just bathroom breaks and prayer. We stayed at church all night and all day just praying.
But the class has truly taken me to another level. I am more sensitive to the things that are happening in the Spirit realm. I knew this before but I guess I’m just now getting it, but everything that happens in the natural is happening in the spirit. And so while I usually operate my life according to what I see (hear, feel, smell, taste) naturally, I’m now opened up to a whole another “sense”. I’m allowing the Holy Spirit to not only guide my life and to give me comfort, but to allow me to see things with different eyes. The limits are off. I now understand the force and reasoning behind situations and folk. I finally feel like I don’t have to do a thing, don’t have to convince nobody, don’t have to try to make folk understand, don’t have to wonder and worry why situations happen the way they do cause all I have to do is sit back and watch God do His thing. It’s amaaaazing the revelations I’ve gotten over the last few months.
So after the graduation last night, during the reception, a couple of us were sitting around having a conversation and the point was made so clear. If a church is not operating in the five fold ministry (apostles, prophets, evangelists, pastors, and teachers) then we’re not being fully fed. And we will continue to feel this emptiness even after we’ve left the church on a “he preached” Sunday morning, as I’ve felt a many Sundays. And as I’ve said in many entries, that for so many years my “Christian life” was limited to just that of being fed by pastors and teachers, and every now and again an evangelist would come through. Or in recent years, the tele-evangelist thing has been so instrumental because we can tune in whenever we want without making our pastors intimidated (ok that’s for another entry--lol).
But what has happened is that we have taken the apostles and the prophetic out of the church. And one cannot operate totally in the will of God without being fed by these. In addition to that, we have also taken out healing and working miracles. We’ve kept in part of it….preaching and teaching, but we’ve kept out the part that would show the full manifestation of Christ. Therefore, when you speak about the Holy Spirit, folk--church folk---would consider it “spooky spiritual” because they haven’t experienced it. They haven’t been properly taught. So what has happened is that the church has found a message that would appease the people and “motivate” them enough to keep them coming back. That’s the “building of self” messages. And as I’ve expressed many times in this blog that when self is built there’s no room for the Holy Spirit to operate. It’s in our weak, pitiful self that the Lord operates. Self is finite, and once its built then what happens????? I mean, why would Christ be needed once we’ve reached "success" or prosperity??????? Umph. A lot of so-called Christians are missing it. Totally missing it.
So as we were talking last night it was mentioned that one of the prophets who taught us in Strike Force fasts for a year at a time. That’s how he is able to prophesy by calling out people’s exact names and street addresses and birthdates---I’ve witnessed this prophet with my own eyes and ears, on top of that I know God can speak through anything and anybody---lol. But we were saying the power of fasting and how when you fast the flesh is subjected therefore, you are really going into the Spirit realm and so you are able to see a whole lot of stuff. And so one of the guys in the conversation jokingly said that he can barely fast from 6a-6p and he’s not sure he wants to go that deep no how. And I jokingly laughed too. We all did. Cause we know its deep. Just experiencing what we’re experiencing on these levels, I can’t even imagine going that deep.
But after hearing that song tonight, I’ve made up in my mind that I don’t want any limits. I asked the Lord in the beginning of the year to take me deeper cause I want more, and the request still stands. Yes, these last 12 weeks have been an experience for me, but I want more of Him. This is just the appetizer. I want to go as far as the Lord wants to take me. I want no limits concerning Him and what He has for me.
So while I was in the kitchen doing the dishes and jamming to the music, I verbally made another vow to the Lord that I will NEVER leave Him. And that I will ALWAYS put Him first in my life. I made that commitment because I’m realizing that I can never be committed to my husband (or anybody else) and want all the benefits and favor of God for us without being committed to God first. I’ve gotta be committed to the Giver, not just the gifts. So again, I say…….LORD, USE ME IN WHATEVER WAY YOU WANT TO USE ME. I’M NOT LIMITING MYSELF AND I’M COMMITTED TO YOU FOR ALL ETERNITY. SO ENLARGE MY TERRITORY AND HAVE YOUR PERFECT WILL IN ME.
Jesus went throughout Galilee, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the good news of the kingdom, and healing every disease and sickness among the people. News about him spread all over Syria, and people brought to him all who were ill with various diseases, those suffering severe pain, the demon-possessed, those having seizures, and the paralyzed, and he healed them. --Matthew 4:23-24
Those are the lyrics of Israel and New Breed’s song, No Limits, I was listening to while doing the dishes tonight. I was just chilling---jamming to Pandora and getting myself ready for the work week when the song came on. The lyrics just took me to another place and before I knew it I nearly collapsed in tears. I had to sit down. Can I just say that I love God. I LOVE GOD!! I can’t say it enough. Whew. So much is happening in my life. Never in a million years would I think my relationship with Christ could be like this. In fact, I thought I was fine “just believing” and perhaps going to church a Sunday or two a month.
You know its good when you’re taken out your comfort zone and wholeheartedly welcome the challenge. And you know its good when you don’t know what the heck will happen tomorrow you just firmly believe that it’s gonna be awesome cause God’s in control. And you know its good when you’re oblivious to the people and things you thought important to you and now you see there’s no comparison. I now know what it means when I hear people say…….I’d rather have Jesus. This place I’m experiencing is trippin me out. Literally--lol. Can’t explain it even when I try. But the thing that helps put it together is being around folk who gets it. I mean, seriously. It's one thing to say you believe in God, but its another when you live what you claim. Cause there's no way you can truly live for God and not want to tell folk about Him.
Whew. So me and a couple of my loved ones graduated from our 12-week Strike Force class yesterday. And my life has totally changed. Strike Force is a class on the prophetic. Many of us walk in the prophetic by having visions or dreams, etc. I’m a dreamer. Always have been. Ok, let me make this clear.......I AM NOT A PROPHET. There's a difference in walking in the prophetic and being called to the office of a prophet. lol. But the class teaches all about the prophetic. What it is, who are called, what different things mean, etc. One of the key components of the class is prayer. If you’re walking in the prophetic you have to be an intercessor. And so we learned how to pray in the Spirit at a moments notice. One of our biggest accomplishments, or at least it was mine--lol, was praying around the clock for 24 hours straight. Yes, straight. No food, no sleeping. Just bathroom breaks and prayer. We stayed at church all night and all day just praying.
But the class has truly taken me to another level. I am more sensitive to the things that are happening in the Spirit realm. I knew this before but I guess I’m just now getting it, but everything that happens in the natural is happening in the spirit. And so while I usually operate my life according to what I see (hear, feel, smell, taste) naturally, I’m now opened up to a whole another “sense”. I’m allowing the Holy Spirit to not only guide my life and to give me comfort, but to allow me to see things with different eyes. The limits are off. I now understand the force and reasoning behind situations and folk. I finally feel like I don’t have to do a thing, don’t have to convince nobody, don’t have to try to make folk understand, don’t have to wonder and worry why situations happen the way they do cause all I have to do is sit back and watch God do His thing. It’s amaaaazing the revelations I’ve gotten over the last few months.
So after the graduation last night, during the reception, a couple of us were sitting around having a conversation and the point was made so clear. If a church is not operating in the five fold ministry (apostles, prophets, evangelists, pastors, and teachers) then we’re not being fully fed. And we will continue to feel this emptiness even after we’ve left the church on a “he preached” Sunday morning, as I’ve felt a many Sundays. And as I’ve said in many entries, that for so many years my “Christian life” was limited to just that of being fed by pastors and teachers, and every now and again an evangelist would come through. Or in recent years, the tele-evangelist thing has been so instrumental because we can tune in whenever we want without making our pastors intimidated (ok that’s for another entry--lol).
But what has happened is that we have taken the apostles and the prophetic out of the church. And one cannot operate totally in the will of God without being fed by these. In addition to that, we have also taken out healing and working miracles. We’ve kept in part of it….preaching and teaching, but we’ve kept out the part that would show the full manifestation of Christ. Therefore, when you speak about the Holy Spirit, folk--church folk---would consider it “spooky spiritual” because they haven’t experienced it. They haven’t been properly taught. So what has happened is that the church has found a message that would appease the people and “motivate” them enough to keep them coming back. That’s the “building of self” messages. And as I’ve expressed many times in this blog that when self is built there’s no room for the Holy Spirit to operate. It’s in our weak, pitiful self that the Lord operates. Self is finite, and once its built then what happens????? I mean, why would Christ be needed once we’ve reached "success" or prosperity??????? Umph. A lot of so-called Christians are missing it. Totally missing it.
So as we were talking last night it was mentioned that one of the prophets who taught us in Strike Force fasts for a year at a time. That’s how he is able to prophesy by calling out people’s exact names and street addresses and birthdates---I’ve witnessed this prophet with my own eyes and ears, on top of that I know God can speak through anything and anybody---lol. But we were saying the power of fasting and how when you fast the flesh is subjected therefore, you are really going into the Spirit realm and so you are able to see a whole lot of stuff. And so one of the guys in the conversation jokingly said that he can barely fast from 6a-6p and he’s not sure he wants to go that deep no how. And I jokingly laughed too. We all did. Cause we know its deep. Just experiencing what we’re experiencing on these levels, I can’t even imagine going that deep.
But after hearing that song tonight, I’ve made up in my mind that I don’t want any limits. I asked the Lord in the beginning of the year to take me deeper cause I want more, and the request still stands. Yes, these last 12 weeks have been an experience for me, but I want more of Him. This is just the appetizer. I want to go as far as the Lord wants to take me. I want no limits concerning Him and what He has for me.
So while I was in the kitchen doing the dishes and jamming to the music, I verbally made another vow to the Lord that I will NEVER leave Him. And that I will ALWAYS put Him first in my life. I made that commitment because I’m realizing that I can never be committed to my husband (or anybody else) and want all the benefits and favor of God for us without being committed to God first. I’ve gotta be committed to the Giver, not just the gifts. So again, I say…….LORD, USE ME IN WHATEVER WAY YOU WANT TO USE ME. I’M NOT LIMITING MYSELF AND I’M COMMITTED TO YOU FOR ALL ETERNITY. SO ENLARGE MY TERRITORY AND HAVE YOUR PERFECT WILL IN ME.
Jesus went throughout Galilee, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the good news of the kingdom, and healing every disease and sickness among the people. News about him spread all over Syria, and people brought to him all who were ill with various diseases, those suffering severe pain, the demon-possessed, those having seizures, and the paralyzed, and he healed them. --Matthew 4:23-24
Saturday, April 25, 2009
To Be Continued......
I can’t believe I finally finished my online continuing education classes to renew my real estate license. Yep, 17 hours in two days!!! And I did it while I’m yet still sick. Ok, I ain’t claiming sickness, but the reality is that my body aches, my nose is stuffy, and for some reason I’ve been sitting at the computer with a blanket around me. Of course I haven’t been to work for the last three days…..(Lord knows just how to make some things work) so my time home helped a whole lot. Had I not been sick, well……who knows--lol.
So I’ve procrastinated again. I had two whole years to do 15 hours of continuing ed classes, and I waited til the last minute as I do every two years. Wow, can’t believe its been 6 years since I’ve become a licensed real estate agent. I mean excuse me, a REALTOR. I paid my association fees so I’m taking my title. LOL. But I remember the day I passed that test and I’m telling you it felt more accomplishing than when I received my Master‘s degree. Yes, it really did. I think it was the overload of information and then the feeling of relief when I saw that joyful word-----PASSED.
Real estate is not difficult as most would make it seem. It’s actually quite interesting, but it’s a LOT of information. A lot of terms and a LOT of legal language. And I think the State of Maryland has to be the strictest state because we can’t get away with nothing---lol. But its all good information. I’m convinced that had I not been doing what I’m doing, I’d be a real estate attorney. Really I would. Lol. Even though it’s a lot, I love this stuff. That’s why I had the audacity to pursue my real estate license while I was in grad school. Yep, I would sit in the back of the class while my professor was lecturing, and I’d be studying for my real estate exam. I think I must be superwoman cause I studied and passed the exam while still maintaining my GPA. So I’m pretty proud of myself.
Selling real estate over the last six years have been an experience in itself. I’ve met sooo many wonderful people, many becoming life long friends. And I’ve made a pretty penny--lol. But with the major slow down of the market I had to stop and think if renewing my license was even worth it. And then with me being sick while thinking of those dreadful classes almost pushed me to the “heck with it” decision. But I pressed through.
After completing my last online class tonight/morning....Investment Properties, and receiving the COMPLETED notice, I couldn't wait to log onto the MD Real Estate Commission's site, type in my information, and hit RENEW LICENSE. Couldn't do it fast enough. But its done and I'm relieved. My license was do to expire on Tuesday. Oh, did I mention that? lol I was conducting business as usual. Umph.
I should be getting some sleep to attend yet another accomplishment…..graduation from my twelve-week Strike Force class at church tomorrow, but for some reason I have all these real estate terms running through my head…….tenancy at will, eminent domain, homestead rights, cooperatives, ad valorem, testator and trustee…….ok, I’m driving myself crazy now. I guess I’ll just take another Benadryl and call it a night. I mean morning.
So I’ve procrastinated again. I had two whole years to do 15 hours of continuing ed classes, and I waited til the last minute as I do every two years. Wow, can’t believe its been 6 years since I’ve become a licensed real estate agent. I mean excuse me, a REALTOR. I paid my association fees so I’m taking my title. LOL. But I remember the day I passed that test and I’m telling you it felt more accomplishing than when I received my Master‘s degree. Yes, it really did. I think it was the overload of information and then the feeling of relief when I saw that joyful word-----PASSED.
Real estate is not difficult as most would make it seem. It’s actually quite interesting, but it’s a LOT of information. A lot of terms and a LOT of legal language. And I think the State of Maryland has to be the strictest state because we can’t get away with nothing---lol. But its all good information. I’m convinced that had I not been doing what I’m doing, I’d be a real estate attorney. Really I would. Lol. Even though it’s a lot, I love this stuff. That’s why I had the audacity to pursue my real estate license while I was in grad school. Yep, I would sit in the back of the class while my professor was lecturing, and I’d be studying for my real estate exam. I think I must be superwoman cause I studied and passed the exam while still maintaining my GPA. So I’m pretty proud of myself.
Selling real estate over the last six years have been an experience in itself. I’ve met sooo many wonderful people, many becoming life long friends. And I’ve made a pretty penny--lol. But with the major slow down of the market I had to stop and think if renewing my license was even worth it. And then with me being sick while thinking of those dreadful classes almost pushed me to the “heck with it” decision. But I pressed through.
After completing my last online class tonight/morning....Investment Properties, and receiving the COMPLETED notice, I couldn't wait to log onto the MD Real Estate Commission's site, type in my information, and hit RENEW LICENSE. Couldn't do it fast enough. But its done and I'm relieved. My license was do to expire on Tuesday. Oh, did I mention that? lol I was conducting business as usual. Umph.
I should be getting some sleep to attend yet another accomplishment…..graduation from my twelve-week Strike Force class at church tomorrow, but for some reason I have all these real estate terms running through my head…….tenancy at will, eminent domain, homestead rights, cooperatives, ad valorem, testator and trustee…….ok, I’m driving myself crazy now. I guess I’ll just take another Benadryl and call it a night. I mean morning.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
The Body Speaks
Yes, screaming real loud. I’m home today. Sick. I should have taken the hint when on Sunday I did absolutely NOTHING. So unlike me. That’s usually my day to prepare for the week. And normally, I’d even find time to do a mile or two at the gym. Not this past Sunday. In fact, I’m still looking at the pile of clothes sitting in front of the washer and the unpacked bag of toiletries from travel last week. Just haven’t had the energy.
When I got into work Monday morning I was in a whirlwind. Funny thing is I think I was by myself. I’m blessed to work in such a laid back environment. Folk just do what they supposed to do---nothing more and nothing less. But I just had so much to do. At least I felt that way. Reports on top of reports. That’s the downfall of traveling. But then on top of that, I have final requirements that have to be met in order to graduate from my Strike Force class on Saturday. AND, my real estate license is due to expire next week, so that means I have to take 3 online classes (15 credit hours) in order to renew.
Just when I had everything set on Monday, oh did I mention I had to present my program at a two-day conference as well on Tuesday. Which meant that I had to get up extra early to be at the hotel by 8am sharp. But on top of all that…..my computer at work crashed. So I wasted half the day on Monday with the IT person only to end up not getting the stuff done that I needed to. So I think that’s when stuff really started to take a toll on me.
On Tuesday, my little presentation part of the conference was over by 11am, and I zoomed out the door. I had so much energy. I didn’t even want to waste time walking across the street in the opposite direction to the metro. So I decided to walk all the way to the office. Yes, from Farragut North to L’Enfant Plaza. I was on a roll. Gym bag, purse, oh and I stopped to get a salad, so I had my lunch bag too. And I was booking.
When I finally got to the office……computer still was acting up. I was livid. It finally started functioning about 1:30p, but by the time 3:00p came my body was shutting down. Still I made myself go to the gym, but as I was working out I felt like I was gonna collapse. I managed to get in a few miles, but that was it. By the grace of God I made it to the metro and grabbed the nearest seat. I actually sat in one of the priority seats, but started to feel bad cause a family of tourists got on behind me and the father forbid his children from sitting in the priority seats across from me. Yes, he gave the whole spiel.
To take my attention off of them I shifted my body only to face a young couple with their Costco groceries. Ok, can somebody tell me…..ok never mind. But the couple had two huge boxes of food. Yes, mushrooms, bananas, loaf of bread, mega economy box of Activia, and cat food, and some other stuff. Oh, and I guess Costco had a good deal on DVD players cause they had a box of that too. They were already on when I got on so I haven’t a clue how they managed to carry all that stuff, but obviously they did.
I got immediately sick looking at them. It just reminded me that I had to go to the grocery store cause I needed to get some of Theraflu. And some orange juice. And some….. And the list went on. When I got to the store I ended up spending more money than I’d plan to, and getting more stuff. Then as I was heading out I thought that I should go on and get my gas for the weekend. By the time I got in the house I was crawling. My body ached, my nose was stuffed up, and I just wanted my bed. So I took a quick shower, said the heck with anything else (oh I did manage to check my email), I made my cup of Theraflu and got in the bed.
As soon as I was about to sip my concoction my 9 year-old niece called. She said…… “Auntie, does the 4 Virginia rivers run into the Chesapeake Bay or the Atlantic Ocean?” I started to ask her why didn’t she ask her mother. Or call her father. But why bother--lol. Instead I gave her the auntie lecture of doing homework late, shouldn't be watching television......yada yada. Before I knew it I had turned my computer back on and was getting a quick lesson on Virginia’s ecosystem. More than I needed to know. Or wanted to know.
About an hour later I finally got in the bed and when I fell asleep I was out. I didn’t wake up til after ten this morning. My sheets and night shirt were soaked. My cold had broken, but my head still hurt. So I text my boss, took a shower, changed my linen, drank another cup of Theraflu, and got back in the bed.
At about 4pm I got restless. But still weak. So I took another shower and got on the computer. I’ve been on ever since. My mission is to tackle the online real estate classes, but I don’t know if my body or my mind is up to it. I’ll see. Cause I ain’t gonna push myself. My body obviously needs the rest.
There remains, then, a Sabbath-rest for the people of God; for anyone who enters God's rest also rests from his own work, just as God did from his. Let us, therefore, make every effort to enter that rest, so that no one will fall by following their example of disobedience. --Hebrews 4:9-11
When I got into work Monday morning I was in a whirlwind. Funny thing is I think I was by myself. I’m blessed to work in such a laid back environment. Folk just do what they supposed to do---nothing more and nothing less. But I just had so much to do. At least I felt that way. Reports on top of reports. That’s the downfall of traveling. But then on top of that, I have final requirements that have to be met in order to graduate from my Strike Force class on Saturday. AND, my real estate license is due to expire next week, so that means I have to take 3 online classes (15 credit hours) in order to renew.
Just when I had everything set on Monday, oh did I mention I had to present my program at a two-day conference as well on Tuesday. Which meant that I had to get up extra early to be at the hotel by 8am sharp. But on top of all that…..my computer at work crashed. So I wasted half the day on Monday with the IT person only to end up not getting the stuff done that I needed to. So I think that’s when stuff really started to take a toll on me.
On Tuesday, my little presentation part of the conference was over by 11am, and I zoomed out the door. I had so much energy. I didn’t even want to waste time walking across the street in the opposite direction to the metro. So I decided to walk all the way to the office. Yes, from Farragut North to L’Enfant Plaza. I was on a roll. Gym bag, purse, oh and I stopped to get a salad, so I had my lunch bag too. And I was booking.
When I finally got to the office……computer still was acting up. I was livid. It finally started functioning about 1:30p, but by the time 3:00p came my body was shutting down. Still I made myself go to the gym, but as I was working out I felt like I was gonna collapse. I managed to get in a few miles, but that was it. By the grace of God I made it to the metro and grabbed the nearest seat. I actually sat in one of the priority seats, but started to feel bad cause a family of tourists got on behind me and the father forbid his children from sitting in the priority seats across from me. Yes, he gave the whole spiel.
To take my attention off of them I shifted my body only to face a young couple with their Costco groceries. Ok, can somebody tell me…..ok never mind. But the couple had two huge boxes of food. Yes, mushrooms, bananas, loaf of bread, mega economy box of Activia, and cat food, and some other stuff. Oh, and I guess Costco had a good deal on DVD players cause they had a box of that too. They were already on when I got on so I haven’t a clue how they managed to carry all that stuff, but obviously they did.
I got immediately sick looking at them. It just reminded me that I had to go to the grocery store cause I needed to get some of Theraflu. And some orange juice. And some….. And the list went on. When I got to the store I ended up spending more money than I’d plan to, and getting more stuff. Then as I was heading out I thought that I should go on and get my gas for the weekend. By the time I got in the house I was crawling. My body ached, my nose was stuffed up, and I just wanted my bed. So I took a quick shower, said the heck with anything else (oh I did manage to check my email), I made my cup of Theraflu and got in the bed.
As soon as I was about to sip my concoction my 9 year-old niece called. She said…… “Auntie, does the 4 Virginia rivers run into the Chesapeake Bay or the Atlantic Ocean?” I started to ask her why didn’t she ask her mother. Or call her father. But why bother--lol. Instead I gave her the auntie lecture of doing homework late, shouldn't be watching television......yada yada. Before I knew it I had turned my computer back on and was getting a quick lesson on Virginia’s ecosystem. More than I needed to know. Or wanted to know.
About an hour later I finally got in the bed and when I fell asleep I was out. I didn’t wake up til after ten this morning. My sheets and night shirt were soaked. My cold had broken, but my head still hurt. So I text my boss, took a shower, changed my linen, drank another cup of Theraflu, and got back in the bed.
At about 4pm I got restless. But still weak. So I took another shower and got on the computer. I’ve been on ever since. My mission is to tackle the online real estate classes, but I don’t know if my body or my mind is up to it. I’ll see. Cause I ain’t gonna push myself. My body obviously needs the rest.
There remains, then, a Sabbath-rest for the people of God; for anyone who enters God's rest also rests from his own work, just as God did from his. Let us, therefore, make every effort to enter that rest, so that no one will fall by following their example of disobedience. --Hebrews 4:9-11
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Surface Living
I was in class yesterday and heard a testimony that stayed on my mind all night. Actually, its been something I’ve been thinking about quite often over the last few months. Its how we Americans live our lives so on the surface.
The testimony was very powerful. My classmate began by saying how negative people are in our lives and have so much influence over us that we’re unaware. Because we only accept and see what’s on the surface. So she tells the story of an uncle and aunt who lived in Texas. The aunt was very controlling. And throughout their family there was a running joke that the aunt controlled every aspect of her husband, the uncle. Well, while they were married the husband was diagnosed with cancer and at one point was on his death bed. Even still while he was sick the aunt controlled him. But the prayers kept going forth because at this time my classmate started to understand the satanic attack behind the situation. So she prayed that the [negative forces] in her family would die.
One day, the aunt went to work. She was a school teacher. And while she was in the teachers lounge she mysteriously dropped dead. After her death, the husband found out that his wife (the aunt) secretly owned another house across the river with his best friend. In addition to that, the children he thought were his by his wife were actually the best friend’s children. Ok, so I can’t imagine how dude was feeling losing all his children, his life, his wicked wife, and his health. My classmate didn’t give all the in-between details. But she did give the best part. The outcome. Something happened after the wife died.
First, the uncle was awarded the house across the river. Then the uncle was TOTALLY HEALED of cancer. Then he relocated to California, started a new life, and found another wife. My classmate said just recently her mother called her and said…… "you should see your uncle he looks sooo good and is sooo happy." And to top it off……at 72 years old, dude just found out that his new bride is pregnant. Talk about the negative influence, even death, that people close to you can have over you. Just cause we refuse to see beyond what's on the surface.
Over the last few months I’ve been fellowshipping with so many different cultures. And over the last few years not only working with various cultures, but serving them. And one thing I have to say, as my classmate said, we Americans live so much on the surface that its sickening. Just writing this entry I think about our famous line of “whatever”. You know we take things so lightly and have this mentality that we are gonna go along to get along. We prance through life skimming off the top and think we’ve done something. And we’re content with our "fake-me-out" success.
But there’s so much more to the equation. But we don’t have time to deal. I’m guilty of this. We look at a situation and take it at face value and accept what the outcome is and go on. And if it turns out to be negative we suck it up to an “oh well” attitude and move to our next thing. But then when all hell breaks loose we get backed up in a corner long enough to feel sorry for whatever and cry outrageously, but then we still move on.
I think about one of Bill Winston’s broadcasts when he said that he was so sick and tired of burying dead folk. He said that just recently he’d eulogized a young man and when he went to meet with the family their response was…… “it was just his time to go”. Bill Winston went off on the broadcast. He was like….what do you mean. The young man was only 16 years old!!! He had gotten shot. But that’s our mentality. We accept the results, not going deeper in the situation potentially avoiding what could have happened. Like in the situation with my classmate. I imagine, knowing the leadership she’s under, that she prayed and prayed and prayed until something happened. Until satan’s plot was used to destroy his own plan.
I heard something so profound the other day in class. The guest instructor said that isn’t it funny that all the people Jesus raised from the dead were the young folk. And it ain’t like the life-expectancy age was low because folk were living way over 100 years old back then. Yes it is funny. And its even funnier that the same power Jesus had (have) back then, He gave it to us today.
So I’m sitting at home today chilling. And I just started thinking heavily about this surface living thing. And I almost gasped cause I thought about the time when I was in undergrad and had a meeting with my advisor, an African dude from Sierra Leone. And he told me straight up. He was like Jill you have so much potential, your grades are great, but your mind is somewhere else. He said, I almost feel like you’re racing through this stage of your life trying to get somewhere, so where are you going? Where are you trying to get to? I couldn’t answer him. I was stuck. He told me that a lot of incoming Africans are so angry at African Americans because we don’t realize what we have. We don’t take time to smell the roses. Cherish life and freedom. Everything is a microwave mentality. I listened. But at that age I didn’t really accept it. I just knew that I needed to graduate. I needed my degree.
That takes me to another issue about this surface living thing. Image. And validation. Yes, I talk about this image thing so much in my entries cause I truly believe that it’s the American way. The ultimate lie that is leading America to doom. As long as we look good, or look successful, on the outside then we’ve “made it”. It’s living on the surface. We’re so busy trying to present a good face, that we don’t have time to deal with our unseen issues. I know some folk who can’t even sit at home for an entire day cause it drives them crazy. It causes them to face themselves.
You know what the saddest part is of this surface living thing……forming relationships while on the surface. I’m just sitting here thinking. You know what…..I have ALWAYS had physically beautiful girlfriends. And guy friends. I mean, the ones who’ve run in my daily circle. But at some point we always drift. Cause what you see ain't what you get. But my point is that while we’ve been living on the surface we form relationships, some even resulting in marriage, but then when its time to expose we find all the demons.
I’d like to think that my classmate’s aunt and uncle fell in love and married because……well, the loved each other. But the reality is…..the wife’s wickedness was always there. Maybe dormant or imbedded, but it was there. Her husband just probably fell for her on the surface. Probably not even realizing that the nasty spirit she carried dripped into his physical body. BUT, he had a praying family……..
I was having a conversation with my mother last night and I told her that the stakes are even greater now since I’m really learning about spiritual warfare. Before I marry I need to know about my husband’s momma and daddy, their momma and daddy, and so on. Generational curses are real and that nasty spirit….from sickness to mental illness to craftiness to jealously to death…..can run all through the bloodline if it ain’t stopped. The cycle has got to be broken and can only break by being under the authority of Christ.
I used to know a young lady who every time she had a baby, ironically a boy, he would die before he turned one years old. It’s the most mysterious thing. I think she buried three sons. Or more. I lost count. I went to one funeral and that was enough for me. And even with Patti Labelle’s family of how every one of her sisters and her mother all died of a different form of cancer. Not the same. Not that that makes it any better. But what has happened is we accept this stuff…..living on the surface and going along with the mentality of “that‘s life” and not approaching the nasty satanic force behind it. We don’t really realize how much power we have when we live in Christ.
I guess this is a good time to address the lie that many say…… “The Lord gives and the Lord takes away”. That is a lie from the pit of hell. The Lord gives and satan takes away. And we fall for it every time. Marriages, IN THE CHURCH, are destroyed. Our children are dying premature deaths. We’re living below what we’re purposed to do. And we accept it. Cause we don’t want to dig a little deeper than the surface. We’re content with the surface.
I have a girlfriend, and I shouldn’t be mentioning this but I feel a strong need to, but I have a girlfriend who has all sisters, no brothers. And all of them are single and childless. And all over the age of thirty. Their mom divorced their dad years ago and have since remained single. When you talk to the mom she brags that all her daughters are living successful lives and are not thinking about marriage or having babies. And when you look at them, on the surface, they look very content and happy. Especially my girlfriend who has accomplished so much in her career.
About a year or two ago, it was revealed to my girlfriend that there is a curse on her and her sisters that is blocking them from being married. The person who told her this said that it came from her mother. Now to be fair, I’m gonna say that perhaps it’s a generational curse that came through her mother’s line, but it could have come directly from her mother. She could have said in haste to their father that she hopes her girls will never marry and go through what she went through. We don’t know. But for months this hurt my girlfriend and even though she never mentioned it to her mother she openly admitted that she wants to be married. My girlfriend has since become so strong in the Lord breaking the curse that was placed on her. Today, she’s looking forward to her spring wedding.
But there is power in the tongue and we have to watch not only what we say, but who we attach ourselves with. Even some family members. There’s some wicked folk out there who don’t even know they’re wicked. I have had some folk in my life that I’ve steered clear from because of the spirit they’re carrying. And not that I would never be friends with them again cause “on the surface” they’re great people…..but their issues behind closed doors ain’t a good combination with where I am in my life. And so while I'm praying deeply for them, I’ma need them to deepen their relationship with the Lord before we resume. And I mean an authentic relationship with the Lord and not one that is just on the surface.
Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. --Ephesians 6:11-12
The testimony was very powerful. My classmate began by saying how negative people are in our lives and have so much influence over us that we’re unaware. Because we only accept and see what’s on the surface. So she tells the story of an uncle and aunt who lived in Texas. The aunt was very controlling. And throughout their family there was a running joke that the aunt controlled every aspect of her husband, the uncle. Well, while they were married the husband was diagnosed with cancer and at one point was on his death bed. Even still while he was sick the aunt controlled him. But the prayers kept going forth because at this time my classmate started to understand the satanic attack behind the situation. So she prayed that the [negative forces] in her family would die.
One day, the aunt went to work. She was a school teacher. And while she was in the teachers lounge she mysteriously dropped dead. After her death, the husband found out that his wife (the aunt) secretly owned another house across the river with his best friend. In addition to that, the children he thought were his by his wife were actually the best friend’s children. Ok, so I can’t imagine how dude was feeling losing all his children, his life, his wicked wife, and his health. My classmate didn’t give all the in-between details. But she did give the best part. The outcome. Something happened after the wife died.
First, the uncle was awarded the house across the river. Then the uncle was TOTALLY HEALED of cancer. Then he relocated to California, started a new life, and found another wife. My classmate said just recently her mother called her and said…… "you should see your uncle he looks sooo good and is sooo happy." And to top it off……at 72 years old, dude just found out that his new bride is pregnant. Talk about the negative influence, even death, that people close to you can have over you. Just cause we refuse to see beyond what's on the surface.
Over the last few months I’ve been fellowshipping with so many different cultures. And over the last few years not only working with various cultures, but serving them. And one thing I have to say, as my classmate said, we Americans live so much on the surface that its sickening. Just writing this entry I think about our famous line of “whatever”. You know we take things so lightly and have this mentality that we are gonna go along to get along. We prance through life skimming off the top and think we’ve done something. And we’re content with our "fake-me-out" success.
But there’s so much more to the equation. But we don’t have time to deal. I’m guilty of this. We look at a situation and take it at face value and accept what the outcome is and go on. And if it turns out to be negative we suck it up to an “oh well” attitude and move to our next thing. But then when all hell breaks loose we get backed up in a corner long enough to feel sorry for whatever and cry outrageously, but then we still move on.
I think about one of Bill Winston’s broadcasts when he said that he was so sick and tired of burying dead folk. He said that just recently he’d eulogized a young man and when he went to meet with the family their response was…… “it was just his time to go”. Bill Winston went off on the broadcast. He was like….what do you mean. The young man was only 16 years old!!! He had gotten shot. But that’s our mentality. We accept the results, not going deeper in the situation potentially avoiding what could have happened. Like in the situation with my classmate. I imagine, knowing the leadership she’s under, that she prayed and prayed and prayed until something happened. Until satan’s plot was used to destroy his own plan.
I heard something so profound the other day in class. The guest instructor said that isn’t it funny that all the people Jesus raised from the dead were the young folk. And it ain’t like the life-expectancy age was low because folk were living way over 100 years old back then. Yes it is funny. And its even funnier that the same power Jesus had (have) back then, He gave it to us today.
So I’m sitting at home today chilling. And I just started thinking heavily about this surface living thing. And I almost gasped cause I thought about the time when I was in undergrad and had a meeting with my advisor, an African dude from Sierra Leone. And he told me straight up. He was like Jill you have so much potential, your grades are great, but your mind is somewhere else. He said, I almost feel like you’re racing through this stage of your life trying to get somewhere, so where are you going? Where are you trying to get to? I couldn’t answer him. I was stuck. He told me that a lot of incoming Africans are so angry at African Americans because we don’t realize what we have. We don’t take time to smell the roses. Cherish life and freedom. Everything is a microwave mentality. I listened. But at that age I didn’t really accept it. I just knew that I needed to graduate. I needed my degree.
That takes me to another issue about this surface living thing. Image. And validation. Yes, I talk about this image thing so much in my entries cause I truly believe that it’s the American way. The ultimate lie that is leading America to doom. As long as we look good, or look successful, on the outside then we’ve “made it”. It’s living on the surface. We’re so busy trying to present a good face, that we don’t have time to deal with our unseen issues. I know some folk who can’t even sit at home for an entire day cause it drives them crazy. It causes them to face themselves.
You know what the saddest part is of this surface living thing……forming relationships while on the surface. I’m just sitting here thinking. You know what…..I have ALWAYS had physically beautiful girlfriends. And guy friends. I mean, the ones who’ve run in my daily circle. But at some point we always drift. Cause what you see ain't what you get. But my point is that while we’ve been living on the surface we form relationships, some even resulting in marriage, but then when its time to expose we find all the demons.
I’d like to think that my classmate’s aunt and uncle fell in love and married because……well, the loved each other. But the reality is…..the wife’s wickedness was always there. Maybe dormant or imbedded, but it was there. Her husband just probably fell for her on the surface. Probably not even realizing that the nasty spirit she carried dripped into his physical body. BUT, he had a praying family……..
I was having a conversation with my mother last night and I told her that the stakes are even greater now since I’m really learning about spiritual warfare. Before I marry I need to know about my husband’s momma and daddy, their momma and daddy, and so on. Generational curses are real and that nasty spirit….from sickness to mental illness to craftiness to jealously to death…..can run all through the bloodline if it ain’t stopped. The cycle has got to be broken and can only break by being under the authority of Christ.
I used to know a young lady who every time she had a baby, ironically a boy, he would die before he turned one years old. It’s the most mysterious thing. I think she buried three sons. Or more. I lost count. I went to one funeral and that was enough for me. And even with Patti Labelle’s family of how every one of her sisters and her mother all died of a different form of cancer. Not the same. Not that that makes it any better. But what has happened is we accept this stuff…..living on the surface and going along with the mentality of “that‘s life” and not approaching the nasty satanic force behind it. We don’t really realize how much power we have when we live in Christ.
I guess this is a good time to address the lie that many say…… “The Lord gives and the Lord takes away”. That is a lie from the pit of hell. The Lord gives and satan takes away. And we fall for it every time. Marriages, IN THE CHURCH, are destroyed. Our children are dying premature deaths. We’re living below what we’re purposed to do. And we accept it. Cause we don’t want to dig a little deeper than the surface. We’re content with the surface.
I have a girlfriend, and I shouldn’t be mentioning this but I feel a strong need to, but I have a girlfriend who has all sisters, no brothers. And all of them are single and childless. And all over the age of thirty. Their mom divorced their dad years ago and have since remained single. When you talk to the mom she brags that all her daughters are living successful lives and are not thinking about marriage or having babies. And when you look at them, on the surface, they look very content and happy. Especially my girlfriend who has accomplished so much in her career.
About a year or two ago, it was revealed to my girlfriend that there is a curse on her and her sisters that is blocking them from being married. The person who told her this said that it came from her mother. Now to be fair, I’m gonna say that perhaps it’s a generational curse that came through her mother’s line, but it could have come directly from her mother. She could have said in haste to their father that she hopes her girls will never marry and go through what she went through. We don’t know. But for months this hurt my girlfriend and even though she never mentioned it to her mother she openly admitted that she wants to be married. My girlfriend has since become so strong in the Lord breaking the curse that was placed on her. Today, she’s looking forward to her spring wedding.
But there is power in the tongue and we have to watch not only what we say, but who we attach ourselves with. Even some family members. There’s some wicked folk out there who don’t even know they’re wicked. I have had some folk in my life that I’ve steered clear from because of the spirit they’re carrying. And not that I would never be friends with them again cause “on the surface” they’re great people…..but their issues behind closed doors ain’t a good combination with where I am in my life. And so while I'm praying deeply for them, I’ma need them to deepen their relationship with the Lord before we resume. And I mean an authentic relationship with the Lord and not one that is just on the surface.
Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. --Ephesians 6:11-12
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Roadside Assistance
Whew. Finally made it home. And I’m worn out. I actually left Connecticut in time to be home by 5:00p. But with heavy traffic getting over the GW Bridge and chaos at the toll getting off the NJ Turnpike…..it was nearly impossible to do the trip in under six hours.
But can’t blame it just on the traffic cause just when I was about to hit Baltimore I got a flashing red exclamation point warning on my dashboard. I’d never seen it before so it definitely caught my immediate attention. I was actually on the phone running my mouth with my sister when the emergency signal appeared. But just as fast as I could tell her I‘d call her back, a rep was ringing into the car alerting me that my tire pressure was low. The rep gave me two options. Either go to the nearest dealer which was located in Bel Air or pull over to the Sunoco at the Maryland House. Hmmmm……I mean, I’d heard of the features of my “Kay” (that’s what I named my car), but since I purchased her three years ago I hadn’t had a need for roadside assistance. And am still learning all of its features.
Anyway…..I opted to go to the Maryland House. At least I’m familiar with that place. It almost feels like home away from home. Within five minutes my tires were taken care of. And as soon as I could pull back onto 95 south, the rep was calling me back to make sure I was okay. Talk about spoiling a sistah. Shucks, that’s the least they can do after spending $700 for two, I said TWO, tires back in November. I almost had a heart attack when I was given the quote. And that wasn’t the dealers outrageous price. That was from the little local tire store that guarantees to beat the dealer’s price. So yes…….Kay better talk to me, tell me when she’s sick, well, and some more!!!! Cause that little thing is expensive to maintain.
(Deep breath). Yes, so I decided to drive this trip. I mean, since Hartford is just about 2 ½ hours above New York City I thought…..what the heck. One thing for sure and two things for certain……I wasn’t taking no flight up north. No, no, no. I don’t do the regional jets. You know, the 50 passenger propeller plane that flies from DC to the northeast. Nope. Not this sistah. Last time I did it the JamaicaQueens-PG County Jill came out. And I mean, aaaaaallllllll out. Lol.
About two years ago me and my colleague had traveled to Albany, NY. I should have taken the hint when just the month before we went to Vermont and had to board the regional jet in the middle of the runway at National. It was pouring down raining and as soon as I made it up those little toy steps that shake if more than two people are standing on them the flight attendant told me that my luggage was too heavy to board. I was fired up. My luggage ended up going on another flight. A bigger one that went through Chicago. I couldn’t believe it. It was a suitcase big enough to hold just two days worth of clothes. But I was told it was too much. I should have taken the hint then.
But all hell broke loose when we went to Albany. Going was okay. I managed it cause I was sooo tired. But coming back……whew. Okay, me and my colleague were sitting in the airport waiting for our flight and the pilot sat down next to me. We spoke and I continued to read my book. But then I heard dude tell whoever he was talking to, to wish him luck on flying his first commercial plane. My antennas went up immediately. Okay. And I hate to judge a book by its cover, but dude’s uniform was disheveled and when I looked down he had on tube socks. I went off in that airport. I told my colleague that I wasn’t getting on that flight. I refused. Everybody was looking at me like I was crazy, but I didn’t care. I was so upset. I couldn’t believe that U.S. Air…..yes I’m calling you out……could hire somebody so unprofessional. Looking and acting. I mean, don’t they have lounges for pilots to sit in until it’s time for duty. I mean, I know it’s a small airport and all but c’mon. At least I wouldn’t have to hear such nonsense. I mean, hey……what I don’t know can’t hurt me. But because I heard him…….awww heck no. Not this sistah.
But this is what made it worse. My colleague. Ok, I gotta admit. At the time of that trip I wasn’t walking 100% with the Lord so I wasn’t 100% sure where my eternal home would be. But I knew one thing…..I wasn’t going where my colleague is headed. She’s a buddhist. She’s all confused. She lights incense and has an altar with fruit and stuff. I mean, I can’t judge but the Bible talks about these types of other god worshippers. And although I knew I had to get right with the Lord, I believed then (and still do) that Christ is the true and only living God. I know the truth. And there ain’t nothing she can tell me to this day other than having to do with business. And that’s even limited.
Anyway so here I am pissed off. And at the wrong time my colleague looked at me and had the nerve to say……Jill, are you afraid of dying. You could imagine the look I gave her. Then she started talking about death and how the good thing about dying in a plane crash is that its an instant death. And we all should be cremated like her brother-in-law just a few days before. I couldn’t take it. I was going through too many personal changes on a business trip.
So I was going off in Albany. And after I had made enough noise, the lead pilot comes out and assures me that all would be okay and that the pilot sitting next to me was just his co-pilot-in-training. He told me that he had a grandchild he needed to see born. He made me feel so much better. And so my desperate desire to be home trumped my fear. But I vowed that if I could help it……I would not do a regional jet ever.
So I decided to drive this trip. Especially since I was traveling alone. And aside from not wanting to fly, I really wanted to take my time and relax this trip. I’ve come to love driving trips over the last few years since it gives me so much time with the Lord. I mean, on my way there the Lord revealed so much to me. At one point I was in tears and other times I just gave God the praise through song. He’s so worthy.
Coming back I was getting a little sick of being stuck in the car. My mind was starting to think too much. Is it just me or does anybody else wonder which state owns the land between the signs that say “you’re now leaving [state]” and welcome to [state]”? I went as far as to make a mental note to find out when I got to the nearest computer. Yes, it was time to come home. Cause I was clearly missing my surroundings. Lol.
After I had gotten my tires checked, I was on a roll. I had just come out of the Ft. McHenry tunnel and was anticipating the sign that says Richmond (left) Silver Spring (right). But just as I was getting happy I noticed a pick-up truck in front of me. It was traveling at a nice pace, but a little too slow for me. But I slowed down to be courteous. I imagined the driver was cruising home from work and needed to unwind. As I was driving I noticed the license plate. Let me just remind you that I had turned off my brain a few states prior cause it was on overload. So I immediately couldn’t understand what the plate read. And honestly, I really didn’t care. But it grabbed me. It read……PRA4ME.
My first assumption was that it was a Black woman driving. But the pick-up truck threw me off. So I pulled from behind it to see who was driving. And to my surprise it was a middle-aged White man. Looked to be in his fifties. I lie not, I started crying (even now). I mean, so much started going through my head. Cause usually when I see, don’t know about anybody else, but usually when I see personalized tags I read it and go on. But this one was different. And to be honest, if it had been anybody else I probably would have looked at it and kept going. But he grabbed my heart. And I started crying and praying for the guy I simply referred to as the “pick-up truck driver”. I’m sure many, many people have read his license plate over the years, but this night the right person saw it. I couldn’t stop interceding for him. I was pulling into my parking lot when I finally finished.
And then it hit me. The emergency signal in my car. Had it not come on I wouldn’t have had to pull over to the Maryland House. And if I didn’t pull over to the Maryland House I wouldn’t have spotted the license plate. And if I wouldn’t have spotted the license plate I would have missed praying for the pick-up truck driver. You know what…..so many times we think its all about us not accepting that we as Christians are put here to serve. My prayer daily is that the Lord will put me at the right place, at the right time, to do the right thing, with the right people, for the right reasons, according to the Lord’s will.
Even now, I’m thinking that perhaps the pick-up driver has lost his life savings or retirement in this jilted economy. People are hurting. And we’re all crying out for something higher than us. The Bible says that when the end is near all flesh will cry out. Seeing that White man…….whom I would have never assumed if I’d seen him outside of his car……asking for prayer. Umph.
Just as I’m traveling on my road of life today and received assistance, the Lord made it so that I was able to give assistance also. Umph.
"In the last days, God says I will pour out my Spirit on all people. Your sons and daughters will prophesy, your old men will dream dreams, your young men will see visions. Even on my servants, both men and women, I will pour out my Spirit in those days. I will show wonders in the heavens and on the earth, blood and fire and billows of smoke. The sun will be turned to darkness and the moon to blood before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the LORD. And everyone who calls on the name of the LORD will be saved; for on Mount Zion and in Jerusalem there will be deliverance, as the LORD has said, among the survivors whom the LORD calls. --Joel 28:32
But can’t blame it just on the traffic cause just when I was about to hit Baltimore I got a flashing red exclamation point warning on my dashboard. I’d never seen it before so it definitely caught my immediate attention. I was actually on the phone running my mouth with my sister when the emergency signal appeared. But just as fast as I could tell her I‘d call her back, a rep was ringing into the car alerting me that my tire pressure was low. The rep gave me two options. Either go to the nearest dealer which was located in Bel Air or pull over to the Sunoco at the Maryland House. Hmmmm……I mean, I’d heard of the features of my “Kay” (that’s what I named my car), but since I purchased her three years ago I hadn’t had a need for roadside assistance. And am still learning all of its features.
Anyway…..I opted to go to the Maryland House. At least I’m familiar with that place. It almost feels like home away from home. Within five minutes my tires were taken care of. And as soon as I could pull back onto 95 south, the rep was calling me back to make sure I was okay. Talk about spoiling a sistah. Shucks, that’s the least they can do after spending $700 for two, I said TWO, tires back in November. I almost had a heart attack when I was given the quote. And that wasn’t the dealers outrageous price. That was from the little local tire store that guarantees to beat the dealer’s price. So yes…….Kay better talk to me, tell me when she’s sick, well, and some more!!!! Cause that little thing is expensive to maintain.
(Deep breath). Yes, so I decided to drive this trip. I mean, since Hartford is just about 2 ½ hours above New York City I thought…..what the heck. One thing for sure and two things for certain……I wasn’t taking no flight up north. No, no, no. I don’t do the regional jets. You know, the 50 passenger propeller plane that flies from DC to the northeast. Nope. Not this sistah. Last time I did it the JamaicaQueens-PG County Jill came out. And I mean, aaaaaallllllll out. Lol.
About two years ago me and my colleague had traveled to Albany, NY. I should have taken the hint when just the month before we went to Vermont and had to board the regional jet in the middle of the runway at National. It was pouring down raining and as soon as I made it up those little toy steps that shake if more than two people are standing on them the flight attendant told me that my luggage was too heavy to board. I was fired up. My luggage ended up going on another flight. A bigger one that went through Chicago. I couldn’t believe it. It was a suitcase big enough to hold just two days worth of clothes. But I was told it was too much. I should have taken the hint then.
But all hell broke loose when we went to Albany. Going was okay. I managed it cause I was sooo tired. But coming back……whew. Okay, me and my colleague were sitting in the airport waiting for our flight and the pilot sat down next to me. We spoke and I continued to read my book. But then I heard dude tell whoever he was talking to, to wish him luck on flying his first commercial plane. My antennas went up immediately. Okay. And I hate to judge a book by its cover, but dude’s uniform was disheveled and when I looked down he had on tube socks. I went off in that airport. I told my colleague that I wasn’t getting on that flight. I refused. Everybody was looking at me like I was crazy, but I didn’t care. I was so upset. I couldn’t believe that U.S. Air…..yes I’m calling you out……could hire somebody so unprofessional. Looking and acting. I mean, don’t they have lounges for pilots to sit in until it’s time for duty. I mean, I know it’s a small airport and all but c’mon. At least I wouldn’t have to hear such nonsense. I mean, hey……what I don’t know can’t hurt me. But because I heard him…….awww heck no. Not this sistah.
But this is what made it worse. My colleague. Ok, I gotta admit. At the time of that trip I wasn’t walking 100% with the Lord so I wasn’t 100% sure where my eternal home would be. But I knew one thing…..I wasn’t going where my colleague is headed. She’s a buddhist. She’s all confused. She lights incense and has an altar with fruit and stuff. I mean, I can’t judge but the Bible talks about these types of other god worshippers. And although I knew I had to get right with the Lord, I believed then (and still do) that Christ is the true and only living God. I know the truth. And there ain’t nothing she can tell me to this day other than having to do with business. And that’s even limited.
Anyway so here I am pissed off. And at the wrong time my colleague looked at me and had the nerve to say……Jill, are you afraid of dying. You could imagine the look I gave her. Then she started talking about death and how the good thing about dying in a plane crash is that its an instant death. And we all should be cremated like her brother-in-law just a few days before. I couldn’t take it. I was going through too many personal changes on a business trip.
So I was going off in Albany. And after I had made enough noise, the lead pilot comes out and assures me that all would be okay and that the pilot sitting next to me was just his co-pilot-in-training. He told me that he had a grandchild he needed to see born. He made me feel so much better. And so my desperate desire to be home trumped my fear. But I vowed that if I could help it……I would not do a regional jet ever.
So I decided to drive this trip. Especially since I was traveling alone. And aside from not wanting to fly, I really wanted to take my time and relax this trip. I’ve come to love driving trips over the last few years since it gives me so much time with the Lord. I mean, on my way there the Lord revealed so much to me. At one point I was in tears and other times I just gave God the praise through song. He’s so worthy.
Coming back I was getting a little sick of being stuck in the car. My mind was starting to think too much. Is it just me or does anybody else wonder which state owns the land between the signs that say “you’re now leaving [state]” and welcome to [state]”? I went as far as to make a mental note to find out when I got to the nearest computer. Yes, it was time to come home. Cause I was clearly missing my surroundings. Lol.
After I had gotten my tires checked, I was on a roll. I had just come out of the Ft. McHenry tunnel and was anticipating the sign that says Richmond (left) Silver Spring (right). But just as I was getting happy I noticed a pick-up truck in front of me. It was traveling at a nice pace, but a little too slow for me. But I slowed down to be courteous. I imagined the driver was cruising home from work and needed to unwind. As I was driving I noticed the license plate. Let me just remind you that I had turned off my brain a few states prior cause it was on overload. So I immediately couldn’t understand what the plate read. And honestly, I really didn’t care. But it grabbed me. It read……PRA4ME.
My first assumption was that it was a Black woman driving. But the pick-up truck threw me off. So I pulled from behind it to see who was driving. And to my surprise it was a middle-aged White man. Looked to be in his fifties. I lie not, I started crying (even now). I mean, so much started going through my head. Cause usually when I see, don’t know about anybody else, but usually when I see personalized tags I read it and go on. But this one was different. And to be honest, if it had been anybody else I probably would have looked at it and kept going. But he grabbed my heart. And I started crying and praying for the guy I simply referred to as the “pick-up truck driver”. I’m sure many, many people have read his license plate over the years, but this night the right person saw it. I couldn’t stop interceding for him. I was pulling into my parking lot when I finally finished.
And then it hit me. The emergency signal in my car. Had it not come on I wouldn’t have had to pull over to the Maryland House. And if I didn’t pull over to the Maryland House I wouldn’t have spotted the license plate. And if I wouldn’t have spotted the license plate I would have missed praying for the pick-up truck driver. You know what…..so many times we think its all about us not accepting that we as Christians are put here to serve. My prayer daily is that the Lord will put me at the right place, at the right time, to do the right thing, with the right people, for the right reasons, according to the Lord’s will.
Even now, I’m thinking that perhaps the pick-up driver has lost his life savings or retirement in this jilted economy. People are hurting. And we’re all crying out for something higher than us. The Bible says that when the end is near all flesh will cry out. Seeing that White man…….whom I would have never assumed if I’d seen him outside of his car……asking for prayer. Umph.
Just as I’m traveling on my road of life today and received assistance, the Lord made it so that I was able to give assistance also. Umph.
"In the last days, God says I will pour out my Spirit on all people. Your sons and daughters will prophesy, your old men will dream dreams, your young men will see visions. Even on my servants, both men and women, I will pour out my Spirit in those days. I will show wonders in the heavens and on the earth, blood and fire and billows of smoke. The sun will be turned to darkness and the moon to blood before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the LORD. And everyone who calls on the name of the LORD will be saved; for on Mount Zion and in Jerusalem there will be deliverance, as the LORD has said, among the survivors whom the LORD calls. --Joel 28:32
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Connecting in Connecticut
Oh my GOOD GOD!!! Talking about devine timing and order. Here I am in Connecticut on business and just had a meeting that is about to fulfill a dream. Not even having nothing to do with my intended purpose for being here. So much is running through my head. The Spirit is joyfully bubbling inside and I cannot even contain myself. How did this happen????? God is AWESOME. So this is what the favor of God is all about. Wow!!!
Alright Lord.....it's on!! I'd be a fool to leave your presence. Don't worry I ain't going NO WHERE!!
Alright Lord.....it's on!! I'd be a fool to leave your presence. Don't worry I ain't going NO WHERE!!
Saturday, April 11, 2009
The Dove Experience
OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m speechless. Just speechless. Ok, cause I think I done talked all night about it. Or at least it has been running through my mind and in my dreams.
Ok, so last night I went to Good Friday service at the church that I’m 90% sure I will be joining within the next couple visits. It’s actually my sister’s church. And one of my good girlfriends is also a member there. My girlfriend is actually the one who’s been telling me about this awesome ministry for the last two years. Ironically, my sister’s friend was telling her too and we both showed up on the same Sunday. Nothing short of the workings of the Holy Spirit.
I absolutely LUUUV this church for more than enough reasons. It’s something about when the pastor falls on his face on the altar and cries out to God. Never grand, just loving God. But in addition to that, the people just want God and God alone too. They’re not stuck in a superficial world to emerald city. Nor are they caught up in the gimme-more message. And though I’ve met and have had conversations with MANY since I’ve been doing the Saturday prophetic classes there, I can’t tell you their profession, what they drive, or the color of their shoes. When we come together, I’m telling you it’s a powerful thang.
Well, last night my sister invited the entire family to church to have Good Friday together. Not all showed, but enough of us were there. We had been talking about this weekend for the last few months. A prophet from Ghana was due to be there and so the church was in high expectation mode. He’d apparently visited before and BLESSED the church. So we were excited.
Ok, now if you don’t know me by now let me just say this…….I’ve seen it all. I was raised in a Pentecostal church in New York so I know how the all night tarrying services go and the laying hands on the sick goes. When we relocated to Maryland we joined a deliverance ministry in which I witnessed healings and demons being cast out. Then as I got older I joined a very popular teaching ministry and learned the Bible in a way that has drastically changed my life. So basically, nothing surprises me. I know the power of God, I’m filled with the Holy Spirit (speaking in tongues--YES), and I live a life according to the truth that Jesus is alive, not dead on the cross!!! Happy Resurrection Sunday---tomorrow. Lol.
Anyway. So last night I went to church. Got there a little late and had to sit off to the side near the choir. Not a bad seat since I could see it all, but it wasn’t my usual seat by the backdoor where I have easy access to the ladies room. To my surprise, two of my sisters walked in after me and since the church was packed out, they were seated in the last two seats in the section I was in.
Ok, so the Spirit was HIGH!!!!!!!!!!! When I came in they were doing praise and worship. And just like my personality……I stood, observed, took it all in, and waved my hand when I felt the need. For me…..it don’t take all that hollering and carrying on. Ok, let me retract that because at this church what I notice is that there is not a lot of emotionalism and shouting going on. When the Spirit flows everybody is free. Worshiping by lying on their face at the altar, crying out to God, or whatever body activity they need to do to give God all the praise. But it still don’t take all that for me. My running around the church days are long gone. I mean, back in the 90’s I would just finish fornicating, go to church and shout and dance for two hours, and then leave with my boyfriend and finish where we left off. Just being real here. Thank God for deliverance!!!!
But my point is……I’m a cooooool worshipper--lol. The most dramatic thing I’ll do when the Spirit is flowing high is cry. And most times I’ll sit down in my seat with my head in my lap just praising and thanking Him for who He is. Its not until I’m home locked up in my room when I cry out and lay on my face before God. Those moments are personal for me and so perhaps I come to church guarded. Funny thing is……my girlfriends and sisters are the same way. We love the Lord……but we’re cool with it.
Ok, all the cool points were redeemed at ONE TIME last night. In public. Whew. I get chills thinking about it. (Deep breath) ok, the prophet was doing his thing. Everybody was amazed cause he was calling out people’s names and birthdays, and just hitting things on the mark. Again, I’d seen all this before. Maybe not as deep as calling out birthdays, but enough to know that a prophet is legit.
Anyway, so I’m standing with everyone else and the prophet was ministering to my girlfriend. That’s an entry in itself. And not my place to expound on this blog…..but I will say that she will never be the same. Yes, she was one of the ones who got her birthday AND name called out. After church she was in a daze at the things he told her. Anyway……so I’m watching and witnessing, and standing there taking it all in. Cool, calm, and collected--lol. And then the prophet stops and says…… “I see a dove flying in here”. And you know a dove represents the Holy Spirit. So, he starts looking all around as if he’s following the dove in the Spirit. Then he says….. “its by the choir.” Then he tells the choir to get up. So all the members on the choir are in high worship by this time. Then the prophet tells the choir to all come down off the choir stand. And then he calls all the elders to form a circle around them.
But then the prophet is still following this dove. He leaves the choir still standing, but then turns to the section where I’m sitting (with my two sisters behind me) and he tells all of us to stand--those who weren‘t already standing. So then the prophet says…… “the dove is now flying over you all.” He was in deep thought. It was as if he had cornered the dove and was getting ready to reach it. So he tells the few of us to join hands. Then he looked at us and lightly blew his breath and I lie not……the Holy Spirit lifted me off the floor, my arms formed into wings, and I fell out in the Spirit. I was the only one out of about 25 of us in that section who went down. And when I went down I could hear everybody scream, but I was so light and free that they seemed so far away. When I tell you that I have NEVER experienced anything to that magnitude. I mean, I have had preachers lay hands on me and I’d fall out in the Spirit, but not like this. I actually felt like a bird flying.
When I came to myself, I was a mess. I didn’t know what happened. But I knew I had been down there for a while cause when I looked at the altar so many were layed out. So the people around me started helping me off the floor, black mascara was running down my face, my hair was all over my head and when I turned around my sisters were looking at me like they’d saw a ghost. One was crying, but the youngest was looking at me like…..OH MY GOD. But it didn’t take long for them cause as soon as we got out of church they said they were going to clown me for life. I didn’t care cause it was confirmation for me that JESUS IS REAL AND HE‘S TAKING ME DEEPER!!!!!! My mother said that when she saw me go down she screamed……..YES!!!!
I’m telling you…….you can have all that teaching and building a “godly” image, be the best you can be, build kingdoms on earth while searching for your inheritance, prosperity, women’s tea party church, just give me JESUS!!!!!
Thank you Holy Spirit. When I asked to go deeper in YOU I had no idea. Keep it coming.
When all the people were being baptized, Jesus was baptized too. And as he was praying, heaven was opened and the Holy Spirit descended on him in bodily form like a dove. And a voice came from heaven: "You are my Son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased." --Luke 3:21-22
Ok, so last night I went to Good Friday service at the church that I’m 90% sure I will be joining within the next couple visits. It’s actually my sister’s church. And one of my good girlfriends is also a member there. My girlfriend is actually the one who’s been telling me about this awesome ministry for the last two years. Ironically, my sister’s friend was telling her too and we both showed up on the same Sunday. Nothing short of the workings of the Holy Spirit.
I absolutely LUUUV this church for more than enough reasons. It’s something about when the pastor falls on his face on the altar and cries out to God. Never grand, just loving God. But in addition to that, the people just want God and God alone too. They’re not stuck in a superficial world to emerald city. Nor are they caught up in the gimme-more message. And though I’ve met and have had conversations with MANY since I’ve been doing the Saturday prophetic classes there, I can’t tell you their profession, what they drive, or the color of their shoes. When we come together, I’m telling you it’s a powerful thang.
Well, last night my sister invited the entire family to church to have Good Friday together. Not all showed, but enough of us were there. We had been talking about this weekend for the last few months. A prophet from Ghana was due to be there and so the church was in high expectation mode. He’d apparently visited before and BLESSED the church. So we were excited.
Ok, now if you don’t know me by now let me just say this…….I’ve seen it all. I was raised in a Pentecostal church in New York so I know how the all night tarrying services go and the laying hands on the sick goes. When we relocated to Maryland we joined a deliverance ministry in which I witnessed healings and demons being cast out. Then as I got older I joined a very popular teaching ministry and learned the Bible in a way that has drastically changed my life. So basically, nothing surprises me. I know the power of God, I’m filled with the Holy Spirit (speaking in tongues--YES), and I live a life according to the truth that Jesus is alive, not dead on the cross!!! Happy Resurrection Sunday---tomorrow. Lol.
Anyway. So last night I went to church. Got there a little late and had to sit off to the side near the choir. Not a bad seat since I could see it all, but it wasn’t my usual seat by the backdoor where I have easy access to the ladies room. To my surprise, two of my sisters walked in after me and since the church was packed out, they were seated in the last two seats in the section I was in.
Ok, so the Spirit was HIGH!!!!!!!!!!! When I came in they were doing praise and worship. And just like my personality……I stood, observed, took it all in, and waved my hand when I felt the need. For me…..it don’t take all that hollering and carrying on. Ok, let me retract that because at this church what I notice is that there is not a lot of emotionalism and shouting going on. When the Spirit flows everybody is free. Worshiping by lying on their face at the altar, crying out to God, or whatever body activity they need to do to give God all the praise. But it still don’t take all that for me. My running around the church days are long gone. I mean, back in the 90’s I would just finish fornicating, go to church and shout and dance for two hours, and then leave with my boyfriend and finish where we left off. Just being real here. Thank God for deliverance!!!!
But my point is……I’m a cooooool worshipper--lol. The most dramatic thing I’ll do when the Spirit is flowing high is cry. And most times I’ll sit down in my seat with my head in my lap just praising and thanking Him for who He is. Its not until I’m home locked up in my room when I cry out and lay on my face before God. Those moments are personal for me and so perhaps I come to church guarded. Funny thing is……my girlfriends and sisters are the same way. We love the Lord……but we’re cool with it.
Ok, all the cool points were redeemed at ONE TIME last night. In public. Whew. I get chills thinking about it. (Deep breath) ok, the prophet was doing his thing. Everybody was amazed cause he was calling out people’s names and birthdays, and just hitting things on the mark. Again, I’d seen all this before. Maybe not as deep as calling out birthdays, but enough to know that a prophet is legit.
Anyway, so I’m standing with everyone else and the prophet was ministering to my girlfriend. That’s an entry in itself. And not my place to expound on this blog…..but I will say that she will never be the same. Yes, she was one of the ones who got her birthday AND name called out. After church she was in a daze at the things he told her. Anyway……so I’m watching and witnessing, and standing there taking it all in. Cool, calm, and collected--lol. And then the prophet stops and says…… “I see a dove flying in here”. And you know a dove represents the Holy Spirit. So, he starts looking all around as if he’s following the dove in the Spirit. Then he says….. “its by the choir.” Then he tells the choir to get up. So all the members on the choir are in high worship by this time. Then the prophet tells the choir to all come down off the choir stand. And then he calls all the elders to form a circle around them.
But then the prophet is still following this dove. He leaves the choir still standing, but then turns to the section where I’m sitting (with my two sisters behind me) and he tells all of us to stand--those who weren‘t already standing. So then the prophet says…… “the dove is now flying over you all.” He was in deep thought. It was as if he had cornered the dove and was getting ready to reach it. So he tells the few of us to join hands. Then he looked at us and lightly blew his breath and I lie not……the Holy Spirit lifted me off the floor, my arms formed into wings, and I fell out in the Spirit. I was the only one out of about 25 of us in that section who went down. And when I went down I could hear everybody scream, but I was so light and free that they seemed so far away. When I tell you that I have NEVER experienced anything to that magnitude. I mean, I have had preachers lay hands on me and I’d fall out in the Spirit, but not like this. I actually felt like a bird flying.
When I came to myself, I was a mess. I didn’t know what happened. But I knew I had been down there for a while cause when I looked at the altar so many were layed out. So the people around me started helping me off the floor, black mascara was running down my face, my hair was all over my head and when I turned around my sisters were looking at me like they’d saw a ghost. One was crying, but the youngest was looking at me like…..OH MY GOD. But it didn’t take long for them cause as soon as we got out of church they said they were going to clown me for life. I didn’t care cause it was confirmation for me that JESUS IS REAL AND HE‘S TAKING ME DEEPER!!!!!! My mother said that when she saw me go down she screamed……..YES!!!!
I’m telling you…….you can have all that teaching and building a “godly” image, be the best you can be, build kingdoms on earth while searching for your inheritance, prosperity, women’s tea party church, just give me JESUS!!!!!
Thank you Holy Spirit. When I asked to go deeper in YOU I had no idea. Keep it coming.
When all the people were being baptized, Jesus was baptized too. And as he was praying, heaven was opened and the Holy Spirit descended on him in bodily form like a dove. And a voice came from heaven: "You are my Son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased." --Luke 3:21-22
Friday, April 10, 2009
The Steve Harvey Book
Ok, I read the book today. Perhaps I’m a bit late. But I didn’t plan to read it. I actually read a copy from a colleague. But yes, the one that is hot on the market. Steve Harvey’s Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man. The bestseller. It took me every bit of four hours with several bathroom breaks and five pages of notes. Yes, I took notes. And I read it from cover to cover---table of contents, full chapters, credits, acknowledgements, Q&A’s and all. It was a page turner. And a really good read. That’s if you look at it from the worldly Black man’s point-of-view. To be honest, it was a Black man’s version of the book, 7 Things He’ll Never Tell You. The book that’s been posted on the bottom of this blog for the last year. So my colleague had read Steve‘s book…..was turned off from the first chapter, and so I decided to read for myself. I just wanted to know what all the hype was about. And I got it. And you know me……….I gotta express---lol.
Before I express my opinions, let me give you a brief overview of the book. In sum, according to Steve, men are who they are and us woman have to find a way to deal with them. Throughout the book, and especially at the end, Steve gives suggestions on how to deal with a man--lol. Basically, women are playing a major part in making men the “less-than-perfect“ creatures they are. So either we play our puppet role or we lose out. Every now and again he’ll mention that we need to up our standards and requirements like demand answers to important questions, but then he names a chapter…… “We Need to Talk and Other Words that Make Men Run for Cover”. Yes, in this chapter he basically tells women that we need to shut the heck up! YESSSSS…..it’s confusing and very contradicting. But it was a good book cause it shows, okay to be fair---from one man’s opinion---just how confused our men have become. But for me it’s confirmation!!! These same Steve-type men have crossed my lifetime. Oh, Lord….my prayers just went to a whole another level---lol.
Ok, as for my opinion……..
First, having a profession that focuses primarily on relationships (I manage a marriage enrichment program for the Feds) it always baffles me that out of all the marriage education curriculums and literature, I’m talking professional ones, there are only a handful that solely target Blacks. And of those…….NONE come from a Christian point-of-view. I mean, none that I’ve seen. None that are commercially circulated and certified on higher levels.
Over the last three years, since the start of the program, I’ve traveled all over the country attending marriage education conferences, observing relationship workshops, and monitoring our grantees who provide marriage education to their communities. And I’m amazed that the Black population is taught from either an adapted curriculum that focuses primarily on White families or rely on the watered-down version of marriage education taught by a lot of churches. And I say this not as a critic, but according to the facts. Several studies have revealed that “church-going” Christians divorce rate parallel that of all Americans. Um, and that’s at a 50% rate. What are the churches really teaching in their pre-marital classes. Who knows. But as a result of the limited information, we resort to being “educated” by the opinions of our public figures. The Steve Harveys. And I ain’t knocking him cause he has a right to his opinion, but I’m just saying………lol.
When I tell you that I am so passionate about marriage education in the Black community, you’ve GOT to believe me. Daily, I study the stats that come across my desk, and read countless articles and opinions by community and faith-based leaders. Analyze opinion polls and evaluations. Even hearing concerns from couples. It’s AMAZING what’s going on in relationship education from the political level to the household. And as a people…….we’re confused. Because on one hand we’re guided by society norms in our communities and on the other trying to follow the limited guidelines of the church.
Second, personally, not just the realities of Steve’s book……but the whole relationship situation is enough to throw your hands up if we rely on and accept the world‘s view. Just over the weekend I was having a conversation with my male cousins at a family event. They love to pick on me because I’m the only female of age in the family who is not on “official” relationship status. Meaning, I ain’t wearing a ring or announced a wedding date. And I keep them guessing which really ticks them off. I tells nothing. Oh, and I’m motherless. That plays a huge part in their opinions too. Anyway, so we’re sitting at the kitchen table talking and my cousins flat out told me……Jill, face it. All men cheat. Women outnumber men, and so men have the upper hand. And then they said the same thing that Steve indirectly said……men win!!
You know what’s real funny. The marketing department at HarperCollins. The book’s publisher. They’re some real smart folk. Cause you gotta know that the women who ran out to buy this book, securing it on the bestseller’s list, are the good women that 90% of this book does not apply to. Yet, we still get hit in the crossfire. And blamed for “not doing our jobs”. Whatever that may be. As I was reading the book, chapter by chapter, I was checking off. Yep, yep, yep. Done that. Done that. And that too. What happens when the reader is the one who validates her man, passes the momma test, plays the HECK out the 90-day rule (and counting--lol), set the standards and requirements (and is highly respected and valued for it), minimizes communication at the appropriate times (during football season), shows loyalty, masters the play book, and finds a way to downplay her career to help boost his. But still finds herself “without the ring.” Um, did I miss a chapter in the book? Oh……it’ll be in the sequel? Oh, Steve has a multi-publishing deal. Oh, ok. Cause I knew I was missing something. Which takes me to my third point.
Um, the Spiritual part. Ok, if I was ever confused trying to write my notes and switch back from chapter to chapter it had to be the parts that highlighted Steve’s “relationship with the Lord.” He mentioned the patience of Job, and the fall of Eve. Literally a half of sentence for both. Other than that, where do I start this one…………. Ok, lets start with Steve’s top priorities of a good man: 1. God, 2. Wife/Family, 3. Education, 4. Business……. These “top priorities” are mentioned I believe in every chapter. But I’m confused. First cause in the acknowledgments section he acknowledge the Lord last. But in addition to that, if in fact he thinks that the Lord should be first, then it cancels every other chapter in this book. The Lord does not honor fornication, adultery, lying, cheating, and every other “game” we must know how to play in order to win the man. I think this is why my colleague was turned off. Actually it is why.
See, in Part 1--The Mindset of a Man, and Chapter 1---What Drives a Man, Steve expresses that “men are simple”. They’re driven by three basic principles: Who they are (making a name for themselves), what they do (making a career for themselves), and how much they make (ok, the dollar signs). Steve says that once a man accomplishes these three then he will be ready to settle down. I’m not arguing with this because it is a reality in our society. HOWEVER……..this is not/and should not be the principles of a man that puts God first. This is not a Godly man. And I ain’t saying that Steve ain’t a Godly man, but I’m just saying……
Can I be real this evening and reveal something. Thanks. Ok, [my friend] and I have had countless conversations about “us” and what he wants and what I want. We share a lot of the same goals and aspirations. He, like me, loves the Lord. But unlike me, he’s not ready to relinquish 100% of himself for God’s sole purpose--whatever that may be. And that means that we’re not fully on the same page. I mean, he KNOWS he has a call on his life. But because he’s not fully sure what the call is, or maybe he does know but doesn’t want to do it, he’s running. I mean, Spiritually running. Cause whenever the church doors open he’s there giving time and effort. But he realizes that works ain’t enough. He has to surrender all of himself. But he’s arrogant. And wants things his way.
So after reading Steve’s book it just really put a lot of things into perspective as to what [my friend] is really dealing with. Not that I didn’t believe or trust him, but just that a real man, who acknowledges God and wants to please his mate, is in serious warfare. And satan knows this. Its a major silent trick of the enemy. [My friend] is the epitome of that man mentioned in Chapter 1 of Steve’s book. He’s very career-driven. Corporate to the core. And no matter how much I tell him that the yellow-brick road to Emerald City ain’t all that its cracked up to be---just look at all the people returning with their heads down---the more he is adamant that its something he has to do. And so because he’s fully aware that seeking God is not the same as seeking Oz he‘s caught at a crossroad. It’s a decision between being led by the Spirit or being led by the flesh.
Which brings it back to me and him. Or me, I should say, and what I want. I accept my Spiritual authority that says……if he cannot commit to God 100% then he can’t commit to me 100%. And that’s where we are. And he knows very well how I feel. I don’t want a man that is not “ready” for God, cause that means he's not ready for me. And I’m am too old to be trying to push him to be ready. That ain’t my responsibility. So while I wholeheartedly understand what Steve is saying what drives a man…..bottomline---it ain’t making sense. At least not spiritually.
Can I say something…….I think both men and women give too much responsibility to each other. It’s like we’re requiring each other to be gods in our lives. I mean…….is it really our job to fulfill EVERY need in each other????? No, its not. Steve continuously mentions man as the "provider". And while I understand his point......GOD is the provider. Period. It’s so sad that the relationship standard is based on the fall of Adam and Eve. You know the control and deceit parts that put such a strong mandate on trust and loyalty today. But yet nobody wants to accept that Jesus died on the cross to redeem us from that burden. That means we need to go back to Genesis 2. The beginning. And understand what God’s intended purpose for man and woman is. And then we need to read Proverbs and the New Testament to get the true guidelines of being in a male/female relationship. Its all in the Word of God.
You know what the other funny part is about the book…….Steve rarely, if at all, talks about TRUE LOVE. Cause according to him......we got love wrong too. I mean, how can you talk about relationships and putting God first, but not talk about what it really means to L-O-V-E. And I mean, true Godly love.
[Deep Breath]. What more can I say. I mean, until men can stop using excuses and blaming everybody else for their inadequacies there will continue to be this major fall in our society. Yes, they want the Godly women with all the benefits---like the "rare" woman Steve married---but they don't want to accept the responsibilities of the true Godly man. And they know doggone well that if they really stepped to the plate we would fall under their authority with NO PROBLEM--keeping them in that leadership role they so desperately want. Cause that's what God requires us to do. And that's NEVER been our issue concerning men. Something's gotta give. Until then us women have to decide if we are going to trust God to deliver His promises or trust man and keep delivering to him. And I'm a little sick and tired of that role--lol. If we trust man then we should follow Steve’s book to the tee. But if we are gonna trust God…….then we have to rely on His Word, especially the scripture that says, and I quote………
"........no good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly." –Psalm 84:11
Before I close, can I reiterate that there’s nothing wrong with us single sistahs as society would have us to believe. If it is……then let God’s grace and mercy fix it. Shucks.
I'm tired and I'm going to bed. Good night.
Before I express my opinions, let me give you a brief overview of the book. In sum, according to Steve, men are who they are and us woman have to find a way to deal with them. Throughout the book, and especially at the end, Steve gives suggestions on how to deal with a man--lol. Basically, women are playing a major part in making men the “less-than-perfect“ creatures they are. So either we play our puppet role or we lose out. Every now and again he’ll mention that we need to up our standards and requirements like demand answers to important questions, but then he names a chapter…… “We Need to Talk and Other Words that Make Men Run for Cover”. Yes, in this chapter he basically tells women that we need to shut the heck up! YESSSSS…..it’s confusing and very contradicting. But it was a good book cause it shows, okay to be fair---from one man’s opinion---just how confused our men have become. But for me it’s confirmation!!! These same Steve-type men have crossed my lifetime. Oh, Lord….my prayers just went to a whole another level---lol.
Ok, as for my opinion……..
First, having a profession that focuses primarily on relationships (I manage a marriage enrichment program for the Feds) it always baffles me that out of all the marriage education curriculums and literature, I’m talking professional ones, there are only a handful that solely target Blacks. And of those…….NONE come from a Christian point-of-view. I mean, none that I’ve seen. None that are commercially circulated and certified on higher levels.
Over the last three years, since the start of the program, I’ve traveled all over the country attending marriage education conferences, observing relationship workshops, and monitoring our grantees who provide marriage education to their communities. And I’m amazed that the Black population is taught from either an adapted curriculum that focuses primarily on White families or rely on the watered-down version of marriage education taught by a lot of churches. And I say this not as a critic, but according to the facts. Several studies have revealed that “church-going” Christians divorce rate parallel that of all Americans. Um, and that’s at a 50% rate. What are the churches really teaching in their pre-marital classes. Who knows. But as a result of the limited information, we resort to being “educated” by the opinions of our public figures. The Steve Harveys. And I ain’t knocking him cause he has a right to his opinion, but I’m just saying………lol.
When I tell you that I am so passionate about marriage education in the Black community, you’ve GOT to believe me. Daily, I study the stats that come across my desk, and read countless articles and opinions by community and faith-based leaders. Analyze opinion polls and evaluations. Even hearing concerns from couples. It’s AMAZING what’s going on in relationship education from the political level to the household. And as a people…….we’re confused. Because on one hand we’re guided by society norms in our communities and on the other trying to follow the limited guidelines of the church.
Second, personally, not just the realities of Steve’s book……but the whole relationship situation is enough to throw your hands up if we rely on and accept the world‘s view. Just over the weekend I was having a conversation with my male cousins at a family event. They love to pick on me because I’m the only female of age in the family who is not on “official” relationship status. Meaning, I ain’t wearing a ring or announced a wedding date. And I keep them guessing which really ticks them off. I tells nothing. Oh, and I’m motherless. That plays a huge part in their opinions too. Anyway, so we’re sitting at the kitchen table talking and my cousins flat out told me……Jill, face it. All men cheat. Women outnumber men, and so men have the upper hand. And then they said the same thing that Steve indirectly said……men win!!
You know what’s real funny. The marketing department at HarperCollins. The book’s publisher. They’re some real smart folk. Cause you gotta know that the women who ran out to buy this book, securing it on the bestseller’s list, are the good women that 90% of this book does not apply to. Yet, we still get hit in the crossfire. And blamed for “not doing our jobs”. Whatever that may be. As I was reading the book, chapter by chapter, I was checking off. Yep, yep, yep. Done that. Done that. And that too. What happens when the reader is the one who validates her man, passes the momma test, plays the HECK out the 90-day rule (and counting--lol), set the standards and requirements (and is highly respected and valued for it), minimizes communication at the appropriate times (during football season), shows loyalty, masters the play book, and finds a way to downplay her career to help boost his. But still finds herself “without the ring.” Um, did I miss a chapter in the book? Oh……it’ll be in the sequel? Oh, Steve has a multi-publishing deal. Oh, ok. Cause I knew I was missing something. Which takes me to my third point.
Um, the Spiritual part. Ok, if I was ever confused trying to write my notes and switch back from chapter to chapter it had to be the parts that highlighted Steve’s “relationship with the Lord.” He mentioned the patience of Job, and the fall of Eve. Literally a half of sentence for both. Other than that, where do I start this one…………. Ok, lets start with Steve’s top priorities of a good man: 1. God, 2. Wife/Family, 3. Education, 4. Business……. These “top priorities” are mentioned I believe in every chapter. But I’m confused. First cause in the acknowledgments section he acknowledge the Lord last. But in addition to that, if in fact he thinks that the Lord should be first, then it cancels every other chapter in this book. The Lord does not honor fornication, adultery, lying, cheating, and every other “game” we must know how to play in order to win the man. I think this is why my colleague was turned off. Actually it is why.
See, in Part 1--The Mindset of a Man, and Chapter 1---What Drives a Man, Steve expresses that “men are simple”. They’re driven by three basic principles: Who they are (making a name for themselves), what they do (making a career for themselves), and how much they make (ok, the dollar signs). Steve says that once a man accomplishes these three then he will be ready to settle down. I’m not arguing with this because it is a reality in our society. HOWEVER……..this is not/and should not be the principles of a man that puts God first. This is not a Godly man. And I ain’t saying that Steve ain’t a Godly man, but I’m just saying……
Can I be real this evening and reveal something. Thanks. Ok, [my friend] and I have had countless conversations about “us” and what he wants and what I want. We share a lot of the same goals and aspirations. He, like me, loves the Lord. But unlike me, he’s not ready to relinquish 100% of himself for God’s sole purpose--whatever that may be. And that means that we’re not fully on the same page. I mean, he KNOWS he has a call on his life. But because he’s not fully sure what the call is, or maybe he does know but doesn’t want to do it, he’s running. I mean, Spiritually running. Cause whenever the church doors open he’s there giving time and effort. But he realizes that works ain’t enough. He has to surrender all of himself. But he’s arrogant. And wants things his way.
So after reading Steve’s book it just really put a lot of things into perspective as to what [my friend] is really dealing with. Not that I didn’t believe or trust him, but just that a real man, who acknowledges God and wants to please his mate, is in serious warfare. And satan knows this. Its a major silent trick of the enemy. [My friend] is the epitome of that man mentioned in Chapter 1 of Steve’s book. He’s very career-driven. Corporate to the core. And no matter how much I tell him that the yellow-brick road to Emerald City ain’t all that its cracked up to be---just look at all the people returning with their heads down---the more he is adamant that its something he has to do. And so because he’s fully aware that seeking God is not the same as seeking Oz he‘s caught at a crossroad. It’s a decision between being led by the Spirit or being led by the flesh.
Which brings it back to me and him. Or me, I should say, and what I want. I accept my Spiritual authority that says……if he cannot commit to God 100% then he can’t commit to me 100%. And that’s where we are. And he knows very well how I feel. I don’t want a man that is not “ready” for God, cause that means he's not ready for me. And I’m am too old to be trying to push him to be ready. That ain’t my responsibility. So while I wholeheartedly understand what Steve is saying what drives a man…..bottomline---it ain’t making sense. At least not spiritually.
Can I say something…….I think both men and women give too much responsibility to each other. It’s like we’re requiring each other to be gods in our lives. I mean…….is it really our job to fulfill EVERY need in each other????? No, its not. Steve continuously mentions man as the "provider". And while I understand his point......GOD is the provider. Period. It’s so sad that the relationship standard is based on the fall of Adam and Eve. You know the control and deceit parts that put such a strong mandate on trust and loyalty today. But yet nobody wants to accept that Jesus died on the cross to redeem us from that burden. That means we need to go back to Genesis 2. The beginning. And understand what God’s intended purpose for man and woman is. And then we need to read Proverbs and the New Testament to get the true guidelines of being in a male/female relationship. Its all in the Word of God.
You know what the other funny part is about the book…….Steve rarely, if at all, talks about TRUE LOVE. Cause according to him......we got love wrong too. I mean, how can you talk about relationships and putting God first, but not talk about what it really means to L-O-V-E. And I mean, true Godly love.
[Deep Breath]. What more can I say. I mean, until men can stop using excuses and blaming everybody else for their inadequacies there will continue to be this major fall in our society. Yes, they want the Godly women with all the benefits---like the "rare" woman Steve married---but they don't want to accept the responsibilities of the true Godly man. And they know doggone well that if they really stepped to the plate we would fall under their authority with NO PROBLEM--keeping them in that leadership role they so desperately want. Cause that's what God requires us to do. And that's NEVER been our issue concerning men. Something's gotta give. Until then us women have to decide if we are going to trust God to deliver His promises or trust man and keep delivering to him. And I'm a little sick and tired of that role--lol. If we trust man then we should follow Steve’s book to the tee. But if we are gonna trust God…….then we have to rely on His Word, especially the scripture that says, and I quote………
"........no good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly." –Psalm 84:11
Before I close, can I reiterate that there’s nothing wrong with us single sistahs as society would have us to believe. If it is……then let God’s grace and mercy fix it. Shucks.
I'm tired and I'm going to bed. Good night.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Thank You.....again and again!
Wow. Some things are just unexplainable. But every now and again a revelation will come that just explains it all. This afternoon I got a little peek. Umm. Okay, I’m a little over-productive this week preparing for travel next week. Got a lot of church activities this weekend too, soooo……… It’s break time. I need a little breather. Time to express myself.
Okay, so if you’ve read my entry back in May 2008 entitled, If You Don’t Get It, You Don’t Get It, then you’ll know that my all-time favorite expression is THANK YOU. I mean, I love “I Love You”, but that seems like a given. Probably because it’s often mis-used. But I love the expression---THANK YOU. It just says so much in so few little words. And my favorite holiday is Thanksgiving (ok, Christmas tops the list too). But it’s funny that the songs that have thank you in them sends me in tears. Like Just Wanna Thank You by Frankie Beverly and Maze. And Thank You by Walter Hawkins.
Anyway, so Monday morning I woke up in pure thanksgiving mode. Don’t know why. I just started thanking the Lord just for being. Then the other night I was in prayer and I realized that the Lord had answered a huge request of mine. Something I had been praying for years. And just within the last two months or so it came to manifestation. Just when I least expected it. It just appeared. And so when I was in prayer I couldn’t get anything out other than…..thank you, Lord. I was just constantly thanking Him.
Last night, I was having a conversation with one of my girlfriends and she was giving me an update about a friend of hers who is dying of an incurable disease. My heart and prayers have been going out for her friend for I know the last two years or so. Actually, my heart hurts every time I think about her. Especially by her being such a young mother with such a zeal for life.
So I was talking to my girlfriend and she was telling me of an event she went to over the weekend with women who are going through the same illness as her friend, and how their drive and motivation for life, also, is sooo high. We both agreed that our little issues are NOTHING compared to what these women are experiencing. In fact, my girlfriend was telling me that we (she and I) have the control to change our “issue” from minute to minute but we’ve made it life threatening. Basically, I ain’t got a clue. When I got off the phone I went into major thanksgiving mode, again. I mean………I can’t even imagine living through a death sentence. At least that’s what the doctors are saying.
Okay, so today I got an email from another girlfriend. You know one of those mass circulation emails, but this one I decided to open. It was a link to all of Jet Magazines issues from the publication’s start. And so I decided to look up the issue that was distributed during the week of my birthday back in 1970. Yes, I read the entire issue. Some interesting stuff happened in congress…..guess that’s where I get my little political thirst from--lol. But what was the most interesting were the top 20 songs for that week. The week of my birth. Okay. These were the top songs for the February 19, 1970 issue:
- To Be Young, Gifted, and Black by Nina Simone
- It’s a New Day by James Brown
- A Dream Come True by Stevie Wonder
- Didn’t I Blow Your Mind by The Defonics
And guess what song was the #1 song for that week……….THANK YOU by Sly & the Family Stone. Umph. Makes you wonder.
Okay, so if you’ve read my entry back in May 2008 entitled, If You Don’t Get It, You Don’t Get It, then you’ll know that my all-time favorite expression is THANK YOU. I mean, I love “I Love You”, but that seems like a given. Probably because it’s often mis-used. But I love the expression---THANK YOU. It just says so much in so few little words. And my favorite holiday is Thanksgiving (ok, Christmas tops the list too). But it’s funny that the songs that have thank you in them sends me in tears. Like Just Wanna Thank You by Frankie Beverly and Maze. And Thank You by Walter Hawkins.
Anyway, so Monday morning I woke up in pure thanksgiving mode. Don’t know why. I just started thanking the Lord just for being. Then the other night I was in prayer and I realized that the Lord had answered a huge request of mine. Something I had been praying for years. And just within the last two months or so it came to manifestation. Just when I least expected it. It just appeared. And so when I was in prayer I couldn’t get anything out other than…..thank you, Lord. I was just constantly thanking Him.
Last night, I was having a conversation with one of my girlfriends and she was giving me an update about a friend of hers who is dying of an incurable disease. My heart and prayers have been going out for her friend for I know the last two years or so. Actually, my heart hurts every time I think about her. Especially by her being such a young mother with such a zeal for life.
So I was talking to my girlfriend and she was telling me of an event she went to over the weekend with women who are going through the same illness as her friend, and how their drive and motivation for life, also, is sooo high. We both agreed that our little issues are NOTHING compared to what these women are experiencing. In fact, my girlfriend was telling me that we (she and I) have the control to change our “issue” from minute to minute but we’ve made it life threatening. Basically, I ain’t got a clue. When I got off the phone I went into major thanksgiving mode, again. I mean………I can’t even imagine living through a death sentence. At least that’s what the doctors are saying.
Okay, so today I got an email from another girlfriend. You know one of those mass circulation emails, but this one I decided to open. It was a link to all of Jet Magazines issues from the publication’s start. And so I decided to look up the issue that was distributed during the week of my birthday back in 1970. Yes, I read the entire issue. Some interesting stuff happened in congress…..guess that’s where I get my little political thirst from--lol. But what was the most interesting were the top 20 songs for that week. The week of my birth. Okay. These were the top songs for the February 19, 1970 issue:
- To Be Young, Gifted, and Black by Nina Simone
- It’s a New Day by James Brown
- A Dream Come True by Stevie Wonder
- Didn’t I Blow Your Mind by The Defonics
And guess what song was the #1 song for that week……….THANK YOU by Sly & the Family Stone. Umph. Makes you wonder.
Friday, April 3, 2009
Sleepwalking
Good Morning. Or afternoon. Or whatever time of day it is. I don’t know……I’m sleep walking---lol. Didn’t want to get out the bed this morning. But I’m here. And I got something on my mind today. Can I be open on this rainy Friday???? Thanks.
Can I just say that I’m getting a little sick and tired of hearing folk say stuff like…….what God has for me is for me. Or……if it’s meant to be it will be. Or…..if God said its mine then its mine! I ain’t knocking the true believers, but why do “some of us” continue to get caught up in half truths only to end up disappointed and confused, like God didn’t come through as He promised.
Okay, let me say this first…….if, and that’s IF, God spoke, whether through a vision, dream, prophecy, audible voice….whatever…..if God indeed promised you something then He will hold to His part. That’s the TRUTH. Cause it is IMPOSSIBLE for God to lie. But I think what we fail to accept, or understand, is that in order for us to receive God’s promises we have to walk in His will for the promises to be manifested. Many, many prophesies and visions are aborted due to us not following the authority of God. PERIOD.
It is so important to trust God and walk according to His plan if we want to enjoy and receive His fullness for our lives. When we start doing things our way without considering and consulting the Lord then that’s when we’re opened to a lot of unnecessary drama and derailment. And I mean, I gotta be honest……sometimes I’m like why is the Lord allowing me to go through this mess. But then I have to go back and see where I was out of His will. Where I did things on my terms, going behind His back---so I think---relying on my own selfish motives. The sad part is that 95% of the time we know when we’re walking out of God’s will. Yes, we know---lol.
Like for instance…….ok, I’ma be real frank today cause I heard something that rubbed me the wrong way this week. And it just so happens that it’s fitting into this entry. Ok, so I have this “friend” who has been married to her husband for 15 years. They have three beautiful children together. Her husband is a “minister”. Over the last 3 or 4 years, her husband has been cheating on her. Ok, I think that’s just when he started to be less discreet about it. Anyway…..the husband recently met "the one" and wants out of the marriage with my friend. Apparently, dude met a young lady, also a “minister” in another state, who's been rocking his world---mind, body, and soul (lol). They both believe that God meant for them to be husband and wife, not his current wife. My friend, apparently, is used to this. But what recently sent her over is that she heard him on the phone telling the mistress that when he gets [there] next week he will be taking [her] shopping.
Uuuukay, where in the heck do I start????? Let me just first say that the other woman is an entry in itself. So I’ll digress from her. As for the husband, ain’t a whole lot to this one………..HE DONE GOT PUNKED BY SATAN......AND SO DID HIS MISTRESS!!!! They both got the keys to the beep beep bus, as my sister says---lolol. If in deed my friend does agree to grant her husband the divorce and dude does get married to this other woman………well I ain’t saying that they won’t have a happy, fulfilling relationship and won’t make it into heaven, cause I can’t judge. But what I will say is……..I’d hate to be anywhere near them when the wrath of God comes down. Lol.
When we go off the deep end into selfishness, but find ourselves still benefiting from the promises of God…..oh don’t think it’s because our beep beep bus is trotting on the yellow brick road of self life and the Lord is driving. NO. That’s us driving. The Lord is the One who sends the tow truck to pick-up the beep beep bus from the wreck. And the One who sends the ambulance to rescue our emotions and feelings from being destroyed. Yes, from that same bright yellow brick road that we just had to go down. It’s on that same road that the Lord kept signaling those red flags.
You know what the real funny part is.........when the situation gets so bad and we start getting confused saying stuff like…….this was God’s plan. Or God allowed me to go through this. We need to stop giving God the credit for the foolishness and negative outcomes in our lives. God gets the glory because He continuously saves us from our bad decisions and choices. It’s only because of God’s grace and mercy that keeps the blessings coming even though we mess up. That’s why we gotta keep thanking Him because we can mess up a life easily. Some of us been saved from damnation when we know we deserve it. And I know too many who weren't so blessed. Yep, died right in their mess. Ooooh, thank you Lord!!! Talk about favor.
That’s like with the children of Israel. A trip that could have taken 11 days, took 40 years. Cause they took matters into their own hands and started worshipping out of self motives. And yeah, some might say that they did eventually get to the Promised Land as God promised, but what about the folk who perished on the way. There’s a huge difference between days and years. For many that was a lifetime. Yes, forty years is a loooong time. Ask me how I know. Whew, I ain’t got that kinda time to be out of God's will---lol.
See, God will not override self-will. God gives us choice, either His will or our will. I stress this a lot in my entries. The Lord says…..choose MY will (life), but he gives us freewill to choose. And when we choose our own will then we are walking on shaky ground. You know what……bottomline is that a lot of us don’t truly trust God to deliver us the best life. That’s why we try to do it ourselves. I’m learning though. He got my back and makes the best decisions for me cause my decisions suck! The Lord says clearly, no good thing will I withhold from you. And I firmly believe that. Been my motto for at least the last year. But there’s more to it.
For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD will give grace and glory; no good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly. –Psalm 84:11
I’m just sitting her thinking about my “friend”. She’s such a sweet girl and my heart goes out to her. I think I really feel for the situation because I was honored to play a major role in their wedding years ago. One of the most beautiful brides I’ve ever seen. Faithful isn’t the word to describe her. She’s that and then some. But I can’t help thinking…….was their marriage God’s will. I mean, was it His perfect will or His permissive will? Back then she and her husband appeared to be diligent seekers of God and so I can’t imagine that they didn’t seek the Lord about marrying. I don’t know. I’d like to believe that it was God’s will for them to be husband and wife. And God’s will for marriage ain’t temporary because love never fails. It's so sad. Marriage in America. I don’t know. Obviously, the husband is looking through a different pair of specks. He and his minister mistress. Umph, what a choice.
Then I heard another voice from heaven say: “Come out of her, my people, so that you will not share in her sins, so that you will not receive any of her plagues; for her sins are piled up to heaven, and God has remembered her crimes.
Give back to her as she has given; pay her back double for what she has done. Mix her a double portion from her own cup. Give her as much torture and grief as the glory and luxury she gave herself. In her heart she boasts, ‘I sit as queen; I am not a widow, and I will never mourn.’ Therefore in one day her plagues will overtake her: death, mourning and famine. She will be consumed by fire, for mighty is the Lord God who judges her.
“When the kings of the earth who committed adultery with her and shared her luxury see the smoke of her burning, they will weep and mourn over her. Terrified at her torment, they will stand far off and cry: “’Woe! Woe, O great city, O Babylon, city of power! In one hour your doom has come!’ --Revelation 18:4-10
Can I just say that I’m getting a little sick and tired of hearing folk say stuff like…….what God has for me is for me. Or……if it’s meant to be it will be. Or…..if God said its mine then its mine! I ain’t knocking the true believers, but why do “some of us” continue to get caught up in half truths only to end up disappointed and confused, like God didn’t come through as He promised.
Okay, let me say this first…….if, and that’s IF, God spoke, whether through a vision, dream, prophecy, audible voice….whatever…..if God indeed promised you something then He will hold to His part. That’s the TRUTH. Cause it is IMPOSSIBLE for God to lie. But I think what we fail to accept, or understand, is that in order for us to receive God’s promises we have to walk in His will for the promises to be manifested. Many, many prophesies and visions are aborted due to us not following the authority of God. PERIOD.
It is so important to trust God and walk according to His plan if we want to enjoy and receive His fullness for our lives. When we start doing things our way without considering and consulting the Lord then that’s when we’re opened to a lot of unnecessary drama and derailment. And I mean, I gotta be honest……sometimes I’m like why is the Lord allowing me to go through this mess. But then I have to go back and see where I was out of His will. Where I did things on my terms, going behind His back---so I think---relying on my own selfish motives. The sad part is that 95% of the time we know when we’re walking out of God’s will. Yes, we know---lol.
Like for instance…….ok, I’ma be real frank today cause I heard something that rubbed me the wrong way this week. And it just so happens that it’s fitting into this entry. Ok, so I have this “friend” who has been married to her husband for 15 years. They have three beautiful children together. Her husband is a “minister”. Over the last 3 or 4 years, her husband has been cheating on her. Ok, I think that’s just when he started to be less discreet about it. Anyway…..the husband recently met "the one" and wants out of the marriage with my friend. Apparently, dude met a young lady, also a “minister” in another state, who's been rocking his world---mind, body, and soul (lol). They both believe that God meant for them to be husband and wife, not his current wife. My friend, apparently, is used to this. But what recently sent her over is that she heard him on the phone telling the mistress that when he gets [there] next week he will be taking [her] shopping.
Uuuukay, where in the heck do I start????? Let me just first say that the other woman is an entry in itself. So I’ll digress from her. As for the husband, ain’t a whole lot to this one………..HE DONE GOT PUNKED BY SATAN......AND SO DID HIS MISTRESS!!!! They both got the keys to the beep beep bus, as my sister says---lolol. If in deed my friend does agree to grant her husband the divorce and dude does get married to this other woman………well I ain’t saying that they won’t have a happy, fulfilling relationship and won’t make it into heaven, cause I can’t judge. But what I will say is……..I’d hate to be anywhere near them when the wrath of God comes down. Lol.
When we go off the deep end into selfishness, but find ourselves still benefiting from the promises of God…..oh don’t think it’s because our beep beep bus is trotting on the yellow brick road of self life and the Lord is driving. NO. That’s us driving. The Lord is the One who sends the tow truck to pick-up the beep beep bus from the wreck. And the One who sends the ambulance to rescue our emotions and feelings from being destroyed. Yes, from that same bright yellow brick road that we just had to go down. It’s on that same road that the Lord kept signaling those red flags.
You know what the real funny part is.........when the situation gets so bad and we start getting confused saying stuff like…….this was God’s plan. Or God allowed me to go through this. We need to stop giving God the credit for the foolishness and negative outcomes in our lives. God gets the glory because He continuously saves us from our bad decisions and choices. It’s only because of God’s grace and mercy that keeps the blessings coming even though we mess up. That’s why we gotta keep thanking Him because we can mess up a life easily. Some of us been saved from damnation when we know we deserve it. And I know too many who weren't so blessed. Yep, died right in their mess. Ooooh, thank you Lord!!! Talk about favor.
That’s like with the children of Israel. A trip that could have taken 11 days, took 40 years. Cause they took matters into their own hands and started worshipping out of self motives. And yeah, some might say that they did eventually get to the Promised Land as God promised, but what about the folk who perished on the way. There’s a huge difference between days and years. For many that was a lifetime. Yes, forty years is a loooong time. Ask me how I know. Whew, I ain’t got that kinda time to be out of God's will---lol.
See, God will not override self-will. God gives us choice, either His will or our will. I stress this a lot in my entries. The Lord says…..choose MY will (life), but he gives us freewill to choose. And when we choose our own will then we are walking on shaky ground. You know what……bottomline is that a lot of us don’t truly trust God to deliver us the best life. That’s why we try to do it ourselves. I’m learning though. He got my back and makes the best decisions for me cause my decisions suck! The Lord says clearly, no good thing will I withhold from you. And I firmly believe that. Been my motto for at least the last year. But there’s more to it.
For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD will give grace and glory; no good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly. –Psalm 84:11
I’m just sitting her thinking about my “friend”. She’s such a sweet girl and my heart goes out to her. I think I really feel for the situation because I was honored to play a major role in their wedding years ago. One of the most beautiful brides I’ve ever seen. Faithful isn’t the word to describe her. She’s that and then some. But I can’t help thinking…….was their marriage God’s will. I mean, was it His perfect will or His permissive will? Back then she and her husband appeared to be diligent seekers of God and so I can’t imagine that they didn’t seek the Lord about marrying. I don’t know. I’d like to believe that it was God’s will for them to be husband and wife. And God’s will for marriage ain’t temporary because love never fails. It's so sad. Marriage in America. I don’t know. Obviously, the husband is looking through a different pair of specks. He and his minister mistress. Umph, what a choice.
Then I heard another voice from heaven say: “Come out of her, my people, so that you will not share in her sins, so that you will not receive any of her plagues; for her sins are piled up to heaven, and God has remembered her crimes.
Give back to her as she has given; pay her back double for what she has done. Mix her a double portion from her own cup. Give her as much torture and grief as the glory and luxury she gave herself. In her heart she boasts, ‘I sit as queen; I am not a widow, and I will never mourn.’ Therefore in one day her plagues will overtake her: death, mourning and famine. She will be consumed by fire, for mighty is the Lord God who judges her.
“When the kings of the earth who committed adultery with her and shared her luxury see the smoke of her burning, they will weep and mourn over her. Terrified at her torment, they will stand far off and cry: “’Woe! Woe, O great city, O Babylon, city of power! In one hour your doom has come!’ --Revelation 18:4-10
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Just Friends
Ok, so I just received an invitation to a private social, “just close friends” the invite read, from a former girlfriend. I shouldn’t say former because we actually resolved our differences about a month ago. It’s probably the hardest thing I was tasked to do thus far this year. That darn pride thing always gets in the way. Or at least it tried to.
Actually, I know it was nobody but the Lord who prompted me to go to her and ask for forgiveness. Because for so long I felt she was the one who should have come to me. If I can remember, she did the ultimate betrayal, divulged my confidential business to the wrong person. She disagreed. Whatever the truth……I blasted her out. Okay, gotta be honest here----I cussed her out and dared her to look at me the wrong way. I do remember that part--lol. But hold on……..that was about two years ago. Or maybe it wasn’t. Whenever it was…..I repented since then. I can truly say that I hold no resentment in my hurt towards her. And I'd admit it if I did--lol.
For a long time I did have a lot of resentment towards her. But I had held a grudge long enough. If you don’t know me, I can be the queen of grudge. Ain’t proud about it---just being honest. I do confront my issues, though. Pray for me in that area. Actually, I’ve gotten much better. I’m learning to not just do the “out-of-site-out-of-mind” thing……you know that act in which we Christians try to justify with the scripture, “resist the devil and he will flee”. Yeah, I wore that one out--lol. Now I’m learning how to truly forgive. And I've forgiven her.
When I went to my girlfriend to resolve the issue she started crying. She said that she had been praying and praying that we’d be friends again. I felt her sincerity. And accept that she’s a work-in-progress. She’s a true believer. She loves and fears the Lord and for me that’s good enough. Cause the Lord is working on yours truly as well. But gotta be honest, it’s a little weird getting back in the swing of things with her. We haven’t had any catch-up time yet and I’m kinda avoiding it. Ugh. Just don’t know what to say. Maybe I will go to her social event. It’s at her house. I’m comfortable there.
Okay, so I was watching the Real Housewives of New York late the other night and was tripping out on all the cattiness. It’s so funny. I mean, these 40+ year old women fight over any and every little thing. They’ll fight over telling each other about a fight they had with another friend. It’s crazy. And then they call themselves “friends”. But I think they fight more than they friend. Okay, that’s what reality television wants us to see. The drama. I get it. But then I just started watching Harlem Heights. Other than the superficial image the sistahs portray, I like the show because these young folks are working their careers. I like that. But they fight just as bad. The girls AND the guys. One thing is for sure and two things for certain……cattiness ain’t subject to race, age, gender, or social class. You know what the funny thing is, they all say the same thing…… "I don't do drama" and "this is sooo high school".
Ok, is it just me…..but I didn’t go through girlfriend drama in high school. In fact, I still associate with three of my high school girlfriends. One in particular…….she and I have NEVER had an argument. Probably the only one---lol. But she and I talk at least every month and value our friendship to the utmost. It wasn’t until I got older that the pettiness started. You know what I think……..I think it’s because we’re all growing into ourselves and sometimes we clash. We all have opinions---in which we are entitled to---and sometimes we can misinterpret intentions. Maybe that’s it. Maybe its not. I don’t know.
I do know for me…..I think I use to try to make my girlfriends fit into every area of my life. And when they didn’t or couldn’t, I felt I couldn’t fully relate. And so I pushed them to arms distance. And the girlfriend who was the closest to me was the one who hurt me the most. I think the role was just too much for her to bear. And vice versa. Gotta be honest……we can’t make people our God cause He ain’t having that. I repent, Lord. Lolol.
I’m learning differently now. The girlfriend that I spend the most time on the phone with is not the girlfriend who will critique my business plan. And the girlfriend who I can spill all the “significant other” news to is not the one I can call on first to pray with me. And the girlfriend who will help pick out my wedding dress is not the one who will be my child’s Godmother. I now know the difference between my girlfriends, and I accept it.
And YES, they all can work a nervy at times. Some more than others—lol. But I ain’t comparing cause the Lord put them in my life for His purpose. Not just for a “reason, season, or a lifetime” as some of us have resolved to thinking from the popular email. True friendship jumps over the hurdles and is not measured by time or subject to dump threats. In fact, I think that popular saying refers to “people”, not friendship. But we have dumped friendship in there too. Umph. Lord, I repent. Cause I’m guilty of that. But one thing I value about my girlfriends, and the one thing they all have in common, is they ALL have a personal relationship with the Lord. That’s what sustains us. Nothing or nobody else, but GOD.
You know what…….. EVERY friendship will experience hurt. EVERY friendship will disagree. EVERY friendship will go through misunderstandings and misinterpretations and miscommunication. EVERY friendship will be tested. EVERY friendship will go through its dry season. And EVERY friendship will fight. Deal with it. Bottomline.
Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! -- Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
Actually, I know it was nobody but the Lord who prompted me to go to her and ask for forgiveness. Because for so long I felt she was the one who should have come to me. If I can remember, she did the ultimate betrayal, divulged my confidential business to the wrong person. She disagreed. Whatever the truth……I blasted her out. Okay, gotta be honest here----I cussed her out and dared her to look at me the wrong way. I do remember that part--lol. But hold on……..that was about two years ago. Or maybe it wasn’t. Whenever it was…..I repented since then. I can truly say that I hold no resentment in my hurt towards her. And I'd admit it if I did--lol.
For a long time I did have a lot of resentment towards her. But I had held a grudge long enough. If you don’t know me, I can be the queen of grudge. Ain’t proud about it---just being honest. I do confront my issues, though. Pray for me in that area. Actually, I’ve gotten much better. I’m learning to not just do the “out-of-site-out-of-mind” thing……you know that act in which we Christians try to justify with the scripture, “resist the devil and he will flee”. Yeah, I wore that one out--lol. Now I’m learning how to truly forgive. And I've forgiven her.
When I went to my girlfriend to resolve the issue she started crying. She said that she had been praying and praying that we’d be friends again. I felt her sincerity. And accept that she’s a work-in-progress. She’s a true believer. She loves and fears the Lord and for me that’s good enough. Cause the Lord is working on yours truly as well. But gotta be honest, it’s a little weird getting back in the swing of things with her. We haven’t had any catch-up time yet and I’m kinda avoiding it. Ugh. Just don’t know what to say. Maybe I will go to her social event. It’s at her house. I’m comfortable there.
Okay, so I was watching the Real Housewives of New York late the other night and was tripping out on all the cattiness. It’s so funny. I mean, these 40+ year old women fight over any and every little thing. They’ll fight over telling each other about a fight they had with another friend. It’s crazy. And then they call themselves “friends”. But I think they fight more than they friend. Okay, that’s what reality television wants us to see. The drama. I get it. But then I just started watching Harlem Heights. Other than the superficial image the sistahs portray, I like the show because these young folks are working their careers. I like that. But they fight just as bad. The girls AND the guys. One thing is for sure and two things for certain……cattiness ain’t subject to race, age, gender, or social class. You know what the funny thing is, they all say the same thing…… "I don't do drama" and "this is sooo high school".
Ok, is it just me…..but I didn’t go through girlfriend drama in high school. In fact, I still associate with three of my high school girlfriends. One in particular…….she and I have NEVER had an argument. Probably the only one---lol. But she and I talk at least every month and value our friendship to the utmost. It wasn’t until I got older that the pettiness started. You know what I think……..I think it’s because we’re all growing into ourselves and sometimes we clash. We all have opinions---in which we are entitled to---and sometimes we can misinterpret intentions. Maybe that’s it. Maybe its not. I don’t know.
I do know for me…..I think I use to try to make my girlfriends fit into every area of my life. And when they didn’t or couldn’t, I felt I couldn’t fully relate. And so I pushed them to arms distance. And the girlfriend who was the closest to me was the one who hurt me the most. I think the role was just too much for her to bear. And vice versa. Gotta be honest……we can’t make people our God cause He ain’t having that. I repent, Lord. Lolol.
I’m learning differently now. The girlfriend that I spend the most time on the phone with is not the girlfriend who will critique my business plan. And the girlfriend who I can spill all the “significant other” news to is not the one I can call on first to pray with me. And the girlfriend who will help pick out my wedding dress is not the one who will be my child’s Godmother. I now know the difference between my girlfriends, and I accept it.
And YES, they all can work a nervy at times. Some more than others—lol. But I ain’t comparing cause the Lord put them in my life for His purpose. Not just for a “reason, season, or a lifetime” as some of us have resolved to thinking from the popular email. True friendship jumps over the hurdles and is not measured by time or subject to dump threats. In fact, I think that popular saying refers to “people”, not friendship. But we have dumped friendship in there too. Umph. Lord, I repent. Cause I’m guilty of that. But one thing I value about my girlfriends, and the one thing they all have in common, is they ALL have a personal relationship with the Lord. That’s what sustains us. Nothing or nobody else, but GOD.
You know what…….. EVERY friendship will experience hurt. EVERY friendship will disagree. EVERY friendship will go through misunderstandings and misinterpretations and miscommunication. EVERY friendship will be tested. EVERY friendship will go through its dry season. And EVERY friendship will fight. Deal with it. Bottomline.
Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! -- Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
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