What a weekend. Every last Friday of the month my church has all night prayer from 10p-6am. And this past Friday was prayer night. Actually, it’s a little more than prayer since a portion of it is prophetic, and a portion is praise and worship. I hadn’t done an all-night prayer in about two months or so, so my body wasn’t really prepared for it. Sad to say that I discontinued my fast a week earlier than the rest. ---OK, I’M WORKING ON IT—lol. Prior to the last time...I did the gusto. An all-night/all-day prayer. That one was 7p on Friday to 7p on Saturday. YESSSSSS……straight through. So I knew what to expect, but my body was on its own pace. But I’m enjoying every minute of this because I asked for it. I luuuuv going deep in the Lord.
Anyway, so I actually wanted to write this entry on Saturday, but I ain’t gonna lie…..I stayed in the bed from the time I got in which was about 8:30a Saturday morning til it was time to get up for church on Sunday morning. I was just that exhausted. I had no physical energy. My body was so limp. Understandably so cause during prayer I cried out to God so much that I felt dehydrated. Especially during the prophetic part. I mean, those prophesies were coming so strong, pulling up all kinds of stuff that I couldn’t help but cry for others. One prophecy to a husband and a wife about their second born son took me so far that I had to just fall on my knees in prayer. It was just that deep.
But these prayer services are really needed. At least for me they are. But when the church is packed out, ummm I guess others feel the same way. But we pray for a number of issues and things. We do intercession for our loved ones, the church, the country, we pray for it all. We let the Spirit lead. Our Arch Bishop participated with us this time and so he touched on some things that were really, really deep. Things that I had heard in the past coming from a deliverance ministry and apostolic background. But on Friday night he took it to a whole another level.
Ok, bear with me cause I want to make sure I say this right. Ok, one of the things that my pastor and guest evangelists have been teaching us over the months is the dangers of soul ties. Of being so connected with an individual or thing that you worship it. You begin to idolize that thing or person. It’s funny because I’ve always felt this way about the dangers of soul ties even before coming to this ministry. I cringe when people say stuff like….such and such is my soul mate. Or…..we were soul mates. Ok, nobody should have your soul BUT GOD. Not your husband, not your children, not your baby’s father, not your pastor, not your church, not your career. ONLY GOD.
So on Friday night one of the prayers that we put on the altar was to break soul ties and ungodly relationships. I’d like to believe that I’m exempt from putting negative folk in my circle and falling for the wrong man, but even the best of us get tripped up sometimes---LOL. So when the soul ties thing came up my ears were perked cause I needed to hear this.
Anyway, so as we were praying and putting our soul ties on the altar, Arch Bishop told us that there are two things that we must be very careful of receiving from folk which could determine the level or depth of a soul tie. I was all-ears. I knew what one was, but I needed to know what the other was. Ok, the one I didn’t know was that we must be careful of receiving perfume or gifts of fragrance from people. As soon as he said it my mind did a…...dododododo…..mental scan of my bathroom. Yep, ain’t that the truth. It was as if a ton of bricks had hit a sistah. I could think off the top of my head 5 perfumes that was given to me by suspect folk, not including lotions. The funny thing is that each person who gave me those gifts---for no special reason---are all folk that I cut off within the last few years.
As I sat there listening I was astonished. It was all coming back to me. What he said was that fragrance is an attractor and you have to be really careful of, of course, who you attract. But the deep part is that if the giver has negative motives about you, even as innocent as wishing they’d accomplish what you accomplished, or even about themselves you can be receiving their negative spirits and attracting those same type of folk to you. Hearing this goes a lot deeper for me.
Ironically, for the last 7 or so years this woman, an older mother-figure woman, took me under her wings at work and just started showering me with gifts. At first it was very uncomfortable because I wasn’t use to people giving me gifts for no reason. I mean, my birthday is one thing, but I’d come to work and there would be a Coach shopping bag on my chair with a beautiful Coach purse in it. One day, I came to work and there was a shopping bag with a 1,000 count Egyptian cotton sheet set. I know the sheets had to cost close to $300. I know the brand well, but could never afford them. But she knew my love for sheets and surprised me with them….just for the heck of it.
Her gifts to me were endless---had my family raising an eyebrow. From jewelry to clothes to shoes to all types of designer handbags to food to electronics to money to gift cards……the gifts were endless. And so at first I knew the Lord was dealing with me because He was teaching me how to receive. See, I’m a giver by nature, but not to that extent. But I do love to give. Over the years it’s been an issue with me learning how to receive and so I thought that my colleague was very instrumental in helping me to learn; how to accept from others. But what I didn’t understand until years later was that there was a spirit behind all of that giving.
Ok, this is where it gets heavy. My colleague had given me several bottles of perfume---Angel, Givenchy, and another designer. But there was one lotion that she’d given me that I had no idea where it came from. The brand was unknown and to be honest it didn’t seem like anything expensive or even popular because of the packaging. But I loved the lotion, not just the bold floral scent, but I loved the lotion because it really moisturized my body. It had a good texture to it.
One day I wore it to work and another colleague, one of my guy friends, made a comment saying…….. “Jill, you smell like you been to Georgia Avenue.” Gotta admit it was sooo funny when he said it. But what I didn’t like was that I HATE Georgia Avenue. Georgia Avenue, near Howard University, has always been demonic to me. Even as a child I felt weird being up in that area. There’s a very negative aura about Georgia Avenue. A lot of muslims and mosques are up there, as well as other religious cults. So after he said it, I started to feel creepy. But I didn’t stop wearing it cause “I” liked it. The funny thing is that because my colleague had her connections where she got the lotion from for “a discount”, I had to rely on her to maintain my supply.
Then stuff started happening. Within the last two years [my friend] came in my life. I’m very private in that area but there were times when I just had to share little things beyond my inner circle that made me blush. So this particular day, I actually had his photo on my phone’s home screen, I mentioned him to her. I told her that I’d met a guy who I really liked, and who was also digging me. Her face was flushed. She didn’t comment, but just looked at me like she had no interest in my interest. Let me go back a moment. My colleague is divorced and has 4 adult daughters. None of them are married and if someone ask if or when her daughters will marry she makes it clear that they’re not interested in being married, and she supports that. Case close.
But since I had told her about [my friend], things just started to change between me and her. She started to change towards me. And I started to feel differently towards her. She had an apparent jealousy towards [my friend] and she’d never even met him. The gifts still kept coming, but it started to feel really weird. I had spoken to him about the situation and the funny thing is that he told me to stop accepting gifts from her especially fragrances. I never questioned why perfume, but I respected his advice.
Anyway, my 39th birthday was this past February and so as a gift she gave me a couple hundred dollars. When I opened the card and saw the money I felt really uneasy. I did thank her, but I told her that I could no longer receive gifts from her. She took it really negatively. Now when I see her I see so much darkness and turmoil. It’s a spirit that I can’t put my finger on. Several other colleagues say it’s a lesbian spirit, but she has never made any sexual advances towards me even though I know that that spirit goes way beyond sexual immorality. She ain’t crazy, though. But aside from that I've never known her to be interested in woman. Or anybody for that matter. So not know how to really handle the situation I've just been keeping my distance. I do pray for her, but that’s the extent of our communication. The ironic thing is that since my birthday, around the time I cut her off, all hell has broken loose with me and [my friend]. But God is in control of that situation.
Anyway, the other thing that my Arch Bishop told us to be careful in accepting from folk is jewelry--- especially rings. In many African customs, don’t know if its in all, but if a man gives a woman an engagement ring with the intentions of marrying her the woman is automatically considered his if she indeed accepts the ring. That’s even before the marriage vows. You can’t just accept the ring on a contingency, try-out basis. No, you are bound to that person. Engagements here in America are totally different than in Africa, and probably from any other continents. Cause we take things so lightly here. Accepting jewelry from the wrong person is very dangerous. But I knew about the jewelry thing waaay before I started attending this church.
Years ago, I remember hearing stories about my great-grandmother and how there was an issue with her and another woman sharing the same wedding ring from my great-grandfather. I remember hearing the story when I was little. But it came to the forefront years later when my mother was given a prophecy from an evangelist who told her about the situation and the ring, and how it was a curse on our family. That evening my mother stood in the gap for my family and allowed the Lord to break the curse. But after hearing what was said it just all sorta lined up to our family’s quality of life during that time. So I’ve ALWAYS been leery about folk giving me jewelry.
About five years ago, my colleague, an Asian woman who is buddhist, gave me a beautiful bracelet for my birthday. It was encrusted with pure Amethyst, my birthstone. We share the same birthstone so I assume she felt the need to go there with me. When she gave it to me it was the talk of the office because this woman was known to have come from a very wealthy family. Not knowing how to reject a gift, I accepted it but as soon as I got home I threw it away. Didn’t think twice about it. Something didn’t sit well with me. And that’s waaay before I decided to recommit myself back to Christ. But I know demonic forces and how they operate. Again, I come from a deliverance ministry, and understand quite well that spirits are real.
Jewelry---especially rings---represents a covenant. In a lot of situations, it can be a silent-covenant, but it is indeed a covenant. As a woman, if a man gives me diamond earrings to me we have a bond. Ok, I’m not talking about naivety, but real, solid feelings. Jewelry makes a statement. Always have, always will. I heard some of my male colleagues say that they would never accept a watch from a woman who is not their wife because to them it’s symbolic of a woman controlling their time. All this is funny, and seems very spooky, but you’d be surprised with the motives and meanings behind gifts. It can be a very dangerous thing.
A few years back, a former sister-friend gave me a beautiful silver necklace when I passed the real estate exam. She and I were very close friends until she started cheating on her husband with a married associate of ours. She couldn’t understand why I wasn’t supporting her mess and so we started drifting apart. I’d hope things would get better between us, but it was a domino effect that just knocked everything and everybody out. Aside from her being from Haiti in which she had dabbled in voodoo “for fun” in her younger days, I loved her. She claimed she’d steer cleared of her past and grasped on to Jesus. I couldn’t see no real evidence, but I took her at her word. Cause she was my girl. With a good heart. And so when she started acting funny I didn’t change cause I refused to change due to her negativity. For years I’d stumble over the necklace in my jewelry box reminiscing on our best days, but never had a desire to wear it. I still have the necklace since it represents an accomplishment in which she shared in. Umph. Soul ties. Ain’t like I didn’t see that one coming---lol. I don't even know where I was going with this one--LOL.
Anyway, so yesterday I was soooo tired when it was time to get up for church. But I knew I had a mission aside from making it to church before my pastor got up to preach. –OK I’M WORKING ON IT—lol. But yes, before I left for church I went through my bedroom and bathroom, and trashed EVERY perfume and fragrance given to me from questionable folk. I threw it all away. Didn’t think twice about it. Tonight I’m going home and tackling the jewelry box. But right now I’m starting with the small silver hoops in my ears. TRASH!!!
Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul? --Mark 8:37
Monday, June 29, 2009
Friday, June 26, 2009
What??!!!!!!
No, I wish it wasn’t so. Nope, not the death of my boy Michael Jackson, but that I went to turn on the Gospel station to escape from all the sadness and was surprised by what I heard. “Man in the Mirror” by…………Michael Jackson!!! LOL. Yes, the Gospel station was having their own MJ tribute going on. Wow. What can I say. Dude and all his weirdness and faults was loved. And I take it as a good thing.
Anyway…….I got something on my mind today. Actually it’s been on my mind for the last few days, but life (or should I say death—lol) got in the way and so I’m just getting round to expressing. Ok, (deep breath) I just found out this week that a sorta famous pastor/first lady couple who I admired….divorced. Yes, I’m a little late with the news cause apparently they’ve been split for a year or so now, but I’m hurt. Utterly, hurt.
Ok, I’m convinced that satan has a hit on church folk, especially our pastors and leaders. I mean, they’re falling left and right. It’s a classic example of divide and conquer. Cause as long as satan can get husbands and wives against each other half of the battle is over. Satan is fooling us left and right, and for some strange reason we’re WALKING, not falling, into his trap.
You know what I firmly believe???? I believe that……. ummm, ok how can I put this. Ok, I believe that we have fooled ourselves into thinking that Christianity equals success. Somehow, somewhere we bought into the fallacy that once you become a Christian you have become royal kings and queens on earth. And so that becomes the mindset. This arrogantly built image. But it’s a lie because our primary mission on earth as Christians is not to be successful. We were only given two primary missions on earth and they are: spread the Gospel and love thy brethren. All other missions are a byproduct or subset of these two.
A few months ago, me and [my friend] had a deep discussion about an incident that he’d experienced. His pastor had gone on a mission trip to Africa and when his pastor returned he was asked to pick him up from the airport. So he, [my friend] was at the airport gate waiting for his pastor to get off the 20 hour flight from East Africa, but realized that he was waiting an extra long time even after the plane had landed. So finally after just about everybody had gotten off the plane he sees his pastor making his way to the baggage area. Immediately [my friend] got upset. He’d actually called me while standing at the gate waiting because he realized what had happened. He was quite upset because he discovered that his pastor was booked on coach, instead of first class.
Ok, so all week I was hearing his hysteria. But I wasn’t really moved. Not because I didn’t think that his pastor was worthy of a first class seat---I’m the first to make an upgrade if its in my budget (lol)---but I wasn’t moved because I didn’t think that him being a pastor should have automatically qualified for an upgrade. I mean, I wasn’t against it---no not at all---but what I tried to explain to him was that God’s will and timing is so orchestrated for His people that it could have been in his coach seat that he met someone who needed an encouraging word or an invitation to Christ. Aside from that, God is a healer and a strengthener and if there was any discomfort caused from being in coach, I can guarantee that God could sustain him. Obviously he did.
Ok, can I just remind folk that a call to Christian leadership is a call to serve, not to be served. I mean, we have the ultimate example in Christ. And His disciples. I mean, I don’t recall any of them establishing a kingdom in Jerusalem with servants. Last week, and other times, I was so tickled. We had a member’s appreciation fellowship at church and my pastor bragged to us that his wife, the first lady, had been up all night cooking for us. And it’s not the first time. My pastor’s wife is a great example of being a server. Not only does she ensures that her husband’s meals are ready and waiting after he steps off the pulpit---yes she takes complete responsibility in preparing her husband’s meals, but she also serves us. I admire that. She has submitted to the will of God. Regardless of how she feels or what she thinks, she knows her roles and responsibilities as a wife and as a pastor’s wife. Thus she has surrendered her will to God’s will. I’m sure she ain’t perfect, but she’s sure setting the perfect example. She’s teaching yours truly a thing or two—lol.
See, once we make the choice to answer God’s call on our lives we have to immediately submit to His will. That’s mind, body, and soul. What a lot of church folk have done is chose God and accepted the call, but haven’t allowed the Lord to have His perfect will in their lives, only His permissive will. We haven’t given up total control. As a result, a lot of our driving force is self-willed. Don’t misunderstand me……I believe that a lot of these self-willed folk are indeed called by God. But a lot of decisions are being made cognitively and carnally, and not Spiritually which can be contrary to the will and Word of God. For instance………the “no limits, take the limits off” mantra. I mean, I luuuuvs the song, “No Limits” by Israel and New Breed. One of my favorites. But there’s a thin line between having unlimited possibilities as the children of God and being limited to the will of God. A VERY thin line. It is my belief that somewhere between that line we get lost. And this is when satan steps in.
Put limits for the people around the mountain and tell them, 'Be careful that you do not go up the mountain or touch the foot of it. Whoever touches the mountain shall surely be put to death. –Exodus 19:13
From their callous hearts comes iniquity; the evil conceits of their minds know no limits. –Psalm 73:7
Ok, so after hearing the news about the pastor/first lady couple divorcing I perused their websites to see just how they were maintaining. I mean, to be honest, I’m real big on humility and telling your story first for more than enough reasons. But I’m baffled because this couple was a dynamic duo in which I know the Lord had a call on their lives. I remember seeing them together at another church they were visiting. And the pastor of that church called them both up to the altar and began praying and prophesying over them and it was so powerful. They both were crying as they held hands. And as soon as the pastor laid his hands on them they fell down to the floor together worshipping God. That to me is such a true example of humbling oneself before God. But seeing that was so powerful for me and I had admired them both since then. And now after several children and building a huge ministry together they have decided to call it quits. Because apparently dude had an adulterous affair. Wow. Ain’t like we didn’t see that one coming.
So I went to her website first because I wanted to see how she was holding up, more importantly if she was still ministering. And she is. But I was disappointed. Because she too had one of those “look-at-me-I’m-God’s-top-model-and-you-should-admire-me” websites like I notice several other women in ministry have. Probably the same web-designer--lol. Don’t know. Just know that it screamed “forget about Jesus I’m the one who you should focus on!!” When you log on there’s these bright, bold colors and an image of a jewelry box or crown or tiara or something. I guess it's supposed to represent royalty. But then there’s a flash of a photo shoot of her in several different outfits and poses. Another thought……wouldn’t it be wonderful to flash the Word instead of photos???? Just a thought.
Anyway, I was so distraught perusing the website that I just clicked off. I couldn’t look at it anymore. Cause I refuse to believe that after almost 20 years of marriage, several children, and a ministry with your husband you can all of a sudden look as though you’ve rebound into God’s “leading lady”. Nope. Ain’t buying that superwoman image. Now I ain’t saying that she shouldn’t heal or move on, but what I am saying is……sit your butt down and deal with your issues privately!!!! In the throne room!!! Cause somewhere, somehow satan seeped in and punked the both of you.
And so then I started thinking. You know, adultery on anybody’s part is really the end result of a whole bunch of other issues. And as much as I hate to admit it, I don’t think I can blame dude solely for creeping. Don’t get me wrong…..dude violated!!! But if his wife’s website is indicative of their marriage, then dude’s lack of self-control was the perfect companion for his wife’s self-promoting image. Destruction was bound to happen. And when boundaries are crossed all hell will break loose. Bottomline.
We, however, will not boast beyond proper limits, but will confine our boasting to the field God has assigned to us, a field that reaches even to you. We are not going too far in our boasting, as would be the case if we had not come to you, for we did get as far as you with the gospel of Christ. Neither do we go beyond our limits by boasting of work done by others. Our hope is that, as your faith continues to grow, our area of activity among you will greatly expand, so that we can preach the gospel in the regions beyond you. –2 Corinthians 10:13-16
Anyway…….I got something on my mind today. Actually it’s been on my mind for the last few days, but life (or should I say death—lol) got in the way and so I’m just getting round to expressing. Ok, (deep breath) I just found out this week that a sorta famous pastor/first lady couple who I admired….divorced. Yes, I’m a little late with the news cause apparently they’ve been split for a year or so now, but I’m hurt. Utterly, hurt.
Ok, I’m convinced that satan has a hit on church folk, especially our pastors and leaders. I mean, they’re falling left and right. It’s a classic example of divide and conquer. Cause as long as satan can get husbands and wives against each other half of the battle is over. Satan is fooling us left and right, and for some strange reason we’re WALKING, not falling, into his trap.
You know what I firmly believe???? I believe that……. ummm, ok how can I put this. Ok, I believe that we have fooled ourselves into thinking that Christianity equals success. Somehow, somewhere we bought into the fallacy that once you become a Christian you have become royal kings and queens on earth. And so that becomes the mindset. This arrogantly built image. But it’s a lie because our primary mission on earth as Christians is not to be successful. We were only given two primary missions on earth and they are: spread the Gospel and love thy brethren. All other missions are a byproduct or subset of these two.
A few months ago, me and [my friend] had a deep discussion about an incident that he’d experienced. His pastor had gone on a mission trip to Africa and when his pastor returned he was asked to pick him up from the airport. So he, [my friend] was at the airport gate waiting for his pastor to get off the 20 hour flight from East Africa, but realized that he was waiting an extra long time even after the plane had landed. So finally after just about everybody had gotten off the plane he sees his pastor making his way to the baggage area. Immediately [my friend] got upset. He’d actually called me while standing at the gate waiting because he realized what had happened. He was quite upset because he discovered that his pastor was booked on coach, instead of first class.
Ok, so all week I was hearing his hysteria. But I wasn’t really moved. Not because I didn’t think that his pastor was worthy of a first class seat---I’m the first to make an upgrade if its in my budget (lol)---but I wasn’t moved because I didn’t think that him being a pastor should have automatically qualified for an upgrade. I mean, I wasn’t against it---no not at all---but what I tried to explain to him was that God’s will and timing is so orchestrated for His people that it could have been in his coach seat that he met someone who needed an encouraging word or an invitation to Christ. Aside from that, God is a healer and a strengthener and if there was any discomfort caused from being in coach, I can guarantee that God could sustain him. Obviously he did.
Ok, can I just remind folk that a call to Christian leadership is a call to serve, not to be served. I mean, we have the ultimate example in Christ. And His disciples. I mean, I don’t recall any of them establishing a kingdom in Jerusalem with servants. Last week, and other times, I was so tickled. We had a member’s appreciation fellowship at church and my pastor bragged to us that his wife, the first lady, had been up all night cooking for us. And it’s not the first time. My pastor’s wife is a great example of being a server. Not only does she ensures that her husband’s meals are ready and waiting after he steps off the pulpit---yes she takes complete responsibility in preparing her husband’s meals, but she also serves us. I admire that. She has submitted to the will of God. Regardless of how she feels or what she thinks, she knows her roles and responsibilities as a wife and as a pastor’s wife. Thus she has surrendered her will to God’s will. I’m sure she ain’t perfect, but she’s sure setting the perfect example. She’s teaching yours truly a thing or two—lol.
See, once we make the choice to answer God’s call on our lives we have to immediately submit to His will. That’s mind, body, and soul. What a lot of church folk have done is chose God and accepted the call, but haven’t allowed the Lord to have His perfect will in their lives, only His permissive will. We haven’t given up total control. As a result, a lot of our driving force is self-willed. Don’t misunderstand me……I believe that a lot of these self-willed folk are indeed called by God. But a lot of decisions are being made cognitively and carnally, and not Spiritually which can be contrary to the will and Word of God. For instance………the “no limits, take the limits off” mantra. I mean, I luuuuvs the song, “No Limits” by Israel and New Breed. One of my favorites. But there’s a thin line between having unlimited possibilities as the children of God and being limited to the will of God. A VERY thin line. It is my belief that somewhere between that line we get lost. And this is when satan steps in.
Put limits for the people around the mountain and tell them, 'Be careful that you do not go up the mountain or touch the foot of it. Whoever touches the mountain shall surely be put to death. –Exodus 19:13
From their callous hearts comes iniquity; the evil conceits of their minds know no limits. –Psalm 73:7
Ok, so after hearing the news about the pastor/first lady couple divorcing I perused their websites to see just how they were maintaining. I mean, to be honest, I’m real big on humility and telling your story first for more than enough reasons. But I’m baffled because this couple was a dynamic duo in which I know the Lord had a call on their lives. I remember seeing them together at another church they were visiting. And the pastor of that church called them both up to the altar and began praying and prophesying over them and it was so powerful. They both were crying as they held hands. And as soon as the pastor laid his hands on them they fell down to the floor together worshipping God. That to me is such a true example of humbling oneself before God. But seeing that was so powerful for me and I had admired them both since then. And now after several children and building a huge ministry together they have decided to call it quits. Because apparently dude had an adulterous affair. Wow. Ain’t like we didn’t see that one coming.
So I went to her website first because I wanted to see how she was holding up, more importantly if she was still ministering. And she is. But I was disappointed. Because she too had one of those “look-at-me-I’m-God’s-top-model-and-you-should-admire-me” websites like I notice several other women in ministry have. Probably the same web-designer--lol. Don’t know. Just know that it screamed “forget about Jesus I’m the one who you should focus on!!” When you log on there’s these bright, bold colors and an image of a jewelry box or crown or tiara or something. I guess it's supposed to represent royalty. But then there’s a flash of a photo shoot of her in several different outfits and poses. Another thought……wouldn’t it be wonderful to flash the Word instead of photos???? Just a thought.
Anyway, I was so distraught perusing the website that I just clicked off. I couldn’t look at it anymore. Cause I refuse to believe that after almost 20 years of marriage, several children, and a ministry with your husband you can all of a sudden look as though you’ve rebound into God’s “leading lady”. Nope. Ain’t buying that superwoman image. Now I ain’t saying that she shouldn’t heal or move on, but what I am saying is……sit your butt down and deal with your issues privately!!!! In the throne room!!! Cause somewhere, somehow satan seeped in and punked the both of you.
And so then I started thinking. You know, adultery on anybody’s part is really the end result of a whole bunch of other issues. And as much as I hate to admit it, I don’t think I can blame dude solely for creeping. Don’t get me wrong…..dude violated!!! But if his wife’s website is indicative of their marriage, then dude’s lack of self-control was the perfect companion for his wife’s self-promoting image. Destruction was bound to happen. And when boundaries are crossed all hell will break loose. Bottomline.
We, however, will not boast beyond proper limits, but will confine our boasting to the field God has assigned to us, a field that reaches even to you. We are not going too far in our boasting, as would be the case if we had not come to you, for we did get as far as you with the gospel of Christ. Neither do we go beyond our limits by boasting of work done by others. Our hope is that, as your faith continues to grow, our area of activity among you will greatly expand, so that we can preach the gospel in the regions beyond you. –2 Corinthians 10:13-16
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
One Sided Love
Umph. I can go a whole lotta ways with this one. Especially with all the stuff that’s happening in my world--lol. But I’ma take it a different road. The high road. So I proceed in the way it was given to me.
I was watching TBN the other night and the guest pastor stated that the problem with the church is that we focus too much on God’s love for us, but not enough on our love for God. Everybody wants mercy, grace, and forgiveness, but not too many want to be held accountable for their negativity. Believe it or not, the Bible speaks equally about both. The guest pastor went on to say that it is impossible to have God on the inside and keep making the same foolish mistakes, staying in the same position, and most importantly……..trying to pull the wool over the Lord’s eyes. Yes, God’s love for us is unconditional and uncountable. But He got His part down, therefore we need not keep trying to convince "Christians". The question is do we know our part?
Until we understand that Christianity is not about a handout, but a hand up (in worship) we will continue to walk in the wilderness.
“If you love Me, keep My commandments…….” --John 14:15
I was watching TBN the other night and the guest pastor stated that the problem with the church is that we focus too much on God’s love for us, but not enough on our love for God. Everybody wants mercy, grace, and forgiveness, but not too many want to be held accountable for their negativity. Believe it or not, the Bible speaks equally about both. The guest pastor went on to say that it is impossible to have God on the inside and keep making the same foolish mistakes, staying in the same position, and most importantly……..trying to pull the wool over the Lord’s eyes. Yes, God’s love for us is unconditional and uncountable. But He got His part down, therefore we need not keep trying to convince "Christians". The question is do we know our part?
Until we understand that Christianity is not about a handout, but a hand up (in worship) we will continue to walk in the wilderness.
“If you love Me, keep My commandments…….” --John 14:15
Sunday, June 21, 2009
A Broken Promise
No, no, no this is not a sad, sobby father’s day entry about my no good father who skipped out on me before I was barely conceived. No, ain’t got that kinda time. My final feelings on that is I refuse to bring a child in this world who does not have a father who is devotedly committed to not just him/her, but to their mommy as well. So I rest my case on the father’s day thing, but do give a shout out to my step-father for being a man after God’s own heart and with that…..everything else seems to fall in place. But today I got something else on my mind. And on my heart.
Over the last few days I’ve been studying the Book of Acts. For a few reasons. Mainly because I’m intrigued by Paul’s Christian journey. I’d like to believe that I’m more of a Peter, but as I learn more about Paul I’m beginning to realize that I have some of dude’s characteristics. Like when he chose Silas as his partner over Mark cause he boldly stated that he can’t be bothered with somebody who always wants to jump ship when times get tough. Yes, that’s something I’d say--lol. And would feel about another. Cause I’m one who is big on loyalty and commitment, and believes firmly that either you’re in or your out.
But there’s another story in Acts that always interests me. I read it often, and am baffled at how many preachers misuse the brief chapter. Its the story of Ananias and Sapphire. If you’re not familiar with it, in a nutshell its about a husband and wife who were amongst the first believers after Jesus had been resurrected and made His visit to the disciples. This couple was a part of the first “church” with the original disciples. And so they was at the helm of making some of the traditions that we see in today’s church.
Anyway, because there was poverty back then too, what the church members did was sold all of their possessions and brought the proceeds of the money to the church so that they could pool their money together and re-distribute to meet everyone’s needs. This was so that all church members could live a decent life not lacking for anything like food, clothing, and shelter. Well, after Ananias and Sapphire sold their stuff instead of giving the church the full proceeds they kept a portion of the proceeds for themselves. As a result, they were accused of LYING, not stealing from God, and so God struck both of them dead.
Ok, I know I’m about to ruffle some feathers here, but bear with me. Most preachers use this story as an addendum to the Old Testament’s law of tithes and offerings. Giving tithes and offerings was indeed an Old Testament practice in which once Christ came in the New Testament, He redeemed us from keeping the law. Because it was impossible for us to do so. That’s why Christ died on the cross.
Ok, now don’t misunderstand me because I firmly believe in paying my tithes and offerings just as much as I believe in keeping the ten commandments……do not commit adultery, do not murder, do not worship false gods, etc. That’s just me. (Cause I don't know about anybody else, but I can't get away with too much---lol. So I just try to follow whatever rules are out there. Seriously--lol). But I also firmly believe that those who commit adultery, steal, as well as not pay tithes (which is not a commandment) can be forgiven according to God’s grace. I mean, you may have to live with the consequences, but according to God’s grace you are forgiven if indeed you repent. And as far as paying tithes and offerings, because it is a natural law just as much as a Spiritual law, what you sow you will reap. That’s my experience. And my belief. And my practice.
But what has happened is because a LOT of churches are riding on this money and prosperity wave they rely heavily on the congregation to give tithes and offerings to sustain and maintain the church's lifestyle. And those lifestyles can range from the church's hefty mega building mortgage to the pastor's Maybach to supporting the church's businesses. It varies from pastor to pastor. But one of the ways of assuring that members regularly pay their tithes and offerings is to scare the daylights out of them with the Ananias and Sapphire story. For some reason they think it justifies the practice of one giving all their money to the church and if they don’t the Lord could strike them dead. Believe it or not, many are scared into giving because of this. Forget what the Bible says about cheerful giving……some folk give out of fear.
(Side eye). Ok, let me just tell you that the story of Ananias and Sapphire is not about the money as some preachers would have us to believe. The story was actually about a broken covenant. A broken promise. A lie. The story could have said that all the members were to bring jelly beans to the church to redistribute equally to everyone so that all church members wouldn’t lack……jelly beans. So it had nothing to do with what they brought to the church. In fact, if you want to get really technical about it, which I promise you that this entry is not about money--lol, the churches that stress their members bring all money to the church ain’t following on the other half of the scripture. They collect, but they don’t redistribute to the members. But I’m just saying………
Anyway, the story of Ananias and Sapphire is about their broken promise. The broke their promise by lying. See, perhaps they did not make a verbal promise to the church that they were going to bring all of their proceeds to the church, but we do know that they made a non-verbal promise because they did indeed sell all of their possessions and brought something to the church, but just not all. But the part of the story that is missed is the part that fascinates me. Here it is:
Then Peter said, “Ananias, how is it that Satan has so filled your heart that you have lied to the Holy Spirit and have kept for yourself some of the money you received for the land? Didn’t it belong to you before it was sold? And after it was sold, wasn’t the money at your disposal? What made you think of doing such a thing? You have not lied to men but to God.” --Acts 5:3-4
This is the part of the scripture that is rarely expressed. See, Ananias and Sapphire didn’t have to be a part of the commitment. It was their choice. There was nothing that said they had to sell any of their possession and give the proceeds to the church. But because they made the commitment to do so by selling all their possessions and giving a fraction to the church they went back on their promise to give all to the church.
The reason why I think God struck them dead was because He didn’t want His plan to be deviated again by another couple’s negative actions as did Adam and Eve. In the beginning of humanity Adam and Eve broke their promise to God by eating the fruit off the tree when the Lord told them not to do it. They too were deceived by a lie. But the fruit could have been a pear or a banana. What the fruit was is not the case. Just as the money is not the case. The point with both Ananias and Sapphire, and Adam and Eve is their disobedience and their lie. So I wholeheartedly believe that the Lord took Ananias and Sapphire out before they could corrupt a good thing that had just begun---Christianity and the church. I think the Lord was fed up with us at this point---lol. But you know what the funny thing is……its always a couple (man/wife) who falls for the okie doke messing it up for generations. Ok, so I say aaaaaaaaaalllllll of this to get to my point today. You know how I do--lol.
Last night me and my sister were having a really good conversation with two fellow church members about their transition to our church. They were telling us how our ministry is such a positive turn from where they‘ve come from. They were sharing some of the church drama they were a part of by default and how the Lord liberated them from the situation.
Their former pastor, a well-known prolific evangelist who was married to a very well-known tele-evangelist which ended in a very public divorce, has now apparently found his true queen and is making it very public. Again. Having this conversation amongst three single women (my sister is married) kinda hurt me. Cause if we were not rooted in the Lord we would be left to feel like all men, even church men, are no good with no good intentions.
See, their former pastor has a reputation of going from woman to woman to woman to woman. It is rumored that prior to finding his most recent “true queen,” yes this is after his messy divorce (and that’s the second divorce), he was “wife-ing” a young lady who had adjusted her life in preparation to becoming the new Mrs. But just before making the holy matrimony leap AGAIN, the young lady found out (via cyberspace) that dude had found his next victim. The newest Mrs.
Now, I gotta admit…….this is some interesting reality, soap-opera drama that when it comes across me…my ears perk up. Dude and his actions always give me a good “WHAT???? SHUT-UP????? YOU LYING!!!!” laugh. But the reality is that he’s one of many of our church leaders who regularly practice infidelity, adultery, lying, thievery, and any other immoral slick and sly sinful act. And I’m a little fed up about it. Cause our churches are built, and trying to sustain, on this crap.
Just a week or so ago I read a story on Essence.com of a pastor and son who were indicted on charges of stealing millions of dollars from their congregation. This is another example of a broken promise. A lie. See, what these folk fail to realize is that when they do stupid stuff like this it affects the ENTIRE body of Christ. It’s a trickle effect. With this money-laundering situation I can put my life on it that many folk will now not support the church financially because they’re afraid their money will go to the wrong hands. As a result, ministries suffer, many being shut down, and the Gospel does not get to the masses. It’s a trickle affect.
Aside from the money-hungry pastors, the ones that hurt my heart are the adulterous pastors. See, marriage is a direct covenant between husband, wife, and God. If a marriage suffers in the church we are doomed. Cause that bond is what balances the church. Its equivalent to a two-parent household. Yes, there are many children sustaining as a result of one parent, but there are silent affects that only comes out behind closed doors. For instance.........mama's boys. LOL. Bottomline........there's an unbalance.
Soooooooo…….
Saying all this, I make a plea to my single sistahs (and some married ones too), PLEASE do not entangle yourselves with drama-clad men. Take the rose-colored, blinders off!!! If they cannot keep a promise to their baby mamas, their first wives, and most importantly to GOD, then they will not be able to keep a promise to you. Cause in the end, just as Eve and Sapphire can attest, you will pay. And the price ain’t cheap. But I firmly believe that when the right man comes along…….you will know. If you’re truly seeking God, trust a sistah……you will know---lol.
For if those who live by law are heirs, faith has no value and the promise is worthless, because law brings wrath. And where there is no law there is no transgression. Therefore, the promise comes by faith, so that it may be by grace and may be guaranteed to all Abraham's offspring—not only to those who are of the law but also to those who are of the faith of Abraham. --Romans 4:14-16
Over the last few days I’ve been studying the Book of Acts. For a few reasons. Mainly because I’m intrigued by Paul’s Christian journey. I’d like to believe that I’m more of a Peter, but as I learn more about Paul I’m beginning to realize that I have some of dude’s characteristics. Like when he chose Silas as his partner over Mark cause he boldly stated that he can’t be bothered with somebody who always wants to jump ship when times get tough. Yes, that’s something I’d say--lol. And would feel about another. Cause I’m one who is big on loyalty and commitment, and believes firmly that either you’re in or your out.
But there’s another story in Acts that always interests me. I read it often, and am baffled at how many preachers misuse the brief chapter. Its the story of Ananias and Sapphire. If you’re not familiar with it, in a nutshell its about a husband and wife who were amongst the first believers after Jesus had been resurrected and made His visit to the disciples. This couple was a part of the first “church” with the original disciples. And so they was at the helm of making some of the traditions that we see in today’s church.
Anyway, because there was poverty back then too, what the church members did was sold all of their possessions and brought the proceeds of the money to the church so that they could pool their money together and re-distribute to meet everyone’s needs. This was so that all church members could live a decent life not lacking for anything like food, clothing, and shelter. Well, after Ananias and Sapphire sold their stuff instead of giving the church the full proceeds they kept a portion of the proceeds for themselves. As a result, they were accused of LYING, not stealing from God, and so God struck both of them dead.
Ok, I know I’m about to ruffle some feathers here, but bear with me. Most preachers use this story as an addendum to the Old Testament’s law of tithes and offerings. Giving tithes and offerings was indeed an Old Testament practice in which once Christ came in the New Testament, He redeemed us from keeping the law. Because it was impossible for us to do so. That’s why Christ died on the cross.
Ok, now don’t misunderstand me because I firmly believe in paying my tithes and offerings just as much as I believe in keeping the ten commandments……do not commit adultery, do not murder, do not worship false gods, etc. That’s just me. (Cause I don't know about anybody else, but I can't get away with too much---lol. So I just try to follow whatever rules are out there. Seriously--lol). But I also firmly believe that those who commit adultery, steal, as well as not pay tithes (which is not a commandment) can be forgiven according to God’s grace. I mean, you may have to live with the consequences, but according to God’s grace you are forgiven if indeed you repent. And as far as paying tithes and offerings, because it is a natural law just as much as a Spiritual law, what you sow you will reap. That’s my experience. And my belief. And my practice.
But what has happened is because a LOT of churches are riding on this money and prosperity wave they rely heavily on the congregation to give tithes and offerings to sustain and maintain the church's lifestyle. And those lifestyles can range from the church's hefty mega building mortgage to the pastor's Maybach to supporting the church's businesses. It varies from pastor to pastor. But one of the ways of assuring that members regularly pay their tithes and offerings is to scare the daylights out of them with the Ananias and Sapphire story. For some reason they think it justifies the practice of one giving all their money to the church and if they don’t the Lord could strike them dead. Believe it or not, many are scared into giving because of this. Forget what the Bible says about cheerful giving……some folk give out of fear.
(Side eye). Ok, let me just tell you that the story of Ananias and Sapphire is not about the money as some preachers would have us to believe. The story was actually about a broken covenant. A broken promise. A lie. The story could have said that all the members were to bring jelly beans to the church to redistribute equally to everyone so that all church members wouldn’t lack……jelly beans. So it had nothing to do with what they brought to the church. In fact, if you want to get really technical about it, which I promise you that this entry is not about money--lol, the churches that stress their members bring all money to the church ain’t following on the other half of the scripture. They collect, but they don’t redistribute to the members. But I’m just saying………
Anyway, the story of Ananias and Sapphire is about their broken promise. The broke their promise by lying. See, perhaps they did not make a verbal promise to the church that they were going to bring all of their proceeds to the church, but we do know that they made a non-verbal promise because they did indeed sell all of their possessions and brought something to the church, but just not all. But the part of the story that is missed is the part that fascinates me. Here it is:
Then Peter said, “Ananias, how is it that Satan has so filled your heart that you have lied to the Holy Spirit and have kept for yourself some of the money you received for the land? Didn’t it belong to you before it was sold? And after it was sold, wasn’t the money at your disposal? What made you think of doing such a thing? You have not lied to men but to God.” --Acts 5:3-4
This is the part of the scripture that is rarely expressed. See, Ananias and Sapphire didn’t have to be a part of the commitment. It was their choice. There was nothing that said they had to sell any of their possession and give the proceeds to the church. But because they made the commitment to do so by selling all their possessions and giving a fraction to the church they went back on their promise to give all to the church.
The reason why I think God struck them dead was because He didn’t want His plan to be deviated again by another couple’s negative actions as did Adam and Eve. In the beginning of humanity Adam and Eve broke their promise to God by eating the fruit off the tree when the Lord told them not to do it. They too were deceived by a lie. But the fruit could have been a pear or a banana. What the fruit was is not the case. Just as the money is not the case. The point with both Ananias and Sapphire, and Adam and Eve is their disobedience and their lie. So I wholeheartedly believe that the Lord took Ananias and Sapphire out before they could corrupt a good thing that had just begun---Christianity and the church. I think the Lord was fed up with us at this point---lol. But you know what the funny thing is……its always a couple (man/wife) who falls for the okie doke messing it up for generations. Ok, so I say aaaaaaaaaalllllll of this to get to my point today. You know how I do--lol.
Last night me and my sister were having a really good conversation with two fellow church members about their transition to our church. They were telling us how our ministry is such a positive turn from where they‘ve come from. They were sharing some of the church drama they were a part of by default and how the Lord liberated them from the situation.
Their former pastor, a well-known prolific evangelist who was married to a very well-known tele-evangelist which ended in a very public divorce, has now apparently found his true queen and is making it very public. Again. Having this conversation amongst three single women (my sister is married) kinda hurt me. Cause if we were not rooted in the Lord we would be left to feel like all men, even church men, are no good with no good intentions.
See, their former pastor has a reputation of going from woman to woman to woman to woman. It is rumored that prior to finding his most recent “true queen,” yes this is after his messy divorce (and that’s the second divorce), he was “wife-ing” a young lady who had adjusted her life in preparation to becoming the new Mrs. But just before making the holy matrimony leap AGAIN, the young lady found out (via cyberspace) that dude had found his next victim. The newest Mrs.
Now, I gotta admit…….this is some interesting reality, soap-opera drama that when it comes across me…my ears perk up. Dude and his actions always give me a good “WHAT???? SHUT-UP????? YOU LYING!!!!” laugh. But the reality is that he’s one of many of our church leaders who regularly practice infidelity, adultery, lying, thievery, and any other immoral slick and sly sinful act. And I’m a little fed up about it. Cause our churches are built, and trying to sustain, on this crap.
Just a week or so ago I read a story on Essence.com of a pastor and son who were indicted on charges of stealing millions of dollars from their congregation. This is another example of a broken promise. A lie. See, what these folk fail to realize is that when they do stupid stuff like this it affects the ENTIRE body of Christ. It’s a trickle effect. With this money-laundering situation I can put my life on it that many folk will now not support the church financially because they’re afraid their money will go to the wrong hands. As a result, ministries suffer, many being shut down, and the Gospel does not get to the masses. It’s a trickle affect.
Aside from the money-hungry pastors, the ones that hurt my heart are the adulterous pastors. See, marriage is a direct covenant between husband, wife, and God. If a marriage suffers in the church we are doomed. Cause that bond is what balances the church. Its equivalent to a two-parent household. Yes, there are many children sustaining as a result of one parent, but there are silent affects that only comes out behind closed doors. For instance.........mama's boys. LOL. Bottomline........there's an unbalance.
Soooooooo…….
Saying all this, I make a plea to my single sistahs (and some married ones too), PLEASE do not entangle yourselves with drama-clad men. Take the rose-colored, blinders off!!! If they cannot keep a promise to their baby mamas, their first wives, and most importantly to GOD, then they will not be able to keep a promise to you. Cause in the end, just as Eve and Sapphire can attest, you will pay. And the price ain’t cheap. But I firmly believe that when the right man comes along…….you will know. If you’re truly seeking God, trust a sistah……you will know---lol.
For if those who live by law are heirs, faith has no value and the promise is worthless, because law brings wrath. And where there is no law there is no transgression. Therefore, the promise comes by faith, so that it may be by grace and may be guaranteed to all Abraham's offspring—not only to those who are of the law but also to those who are of the faith of Abraham. --Romans 4:14-16
Thursday, June 18, 2009
I've Noticed......
I’ve noticed two things about myself this morning. Actually, I been knew them but just this morning, and this week, they shouted out at me. I love this saying that I heard about a year or so ago……. a natural pattern will show in detail what the Spiritual reality consists of. So of course when my inner me screamed at my outer me I knew that it was serious---lol. If I haven’t mentioned, my church is on a two-week fast and so when I’m fasting I get all types of strange revelations. And sometimes I’m like, HUUUUH? Lol. It’s something about when the Lord puts me in my place. I so love the Lord. Really, I do.
Ok, so the first thing that I’ve noticed about myself is that I save my good stuff for no good darn reason. This morning as I was getting dressed, I was wearing black, I noticed that lint was on my slacks. And so I was in the laundry room standing there contemplating what I should do. My initial reaction was to change my outfit. I spotted my favorite new product sitting on the shelf above the washer/dryer, practically new. It’s the Bounce Lint and Freshener Roller. I ain’t promoting this product, especially if Bounce ain’t trying to pay me, but I absolutely luuuuuv this lint roller.
Anyway, so the lint roller was clearly in my view, but for some odd reason it was on “reserve”. After a few minutes I realized that I didn’t have enough time to change clothes, so I ran to the linen closet to get my magic brush. I hate using the brush because it puts lint back on your clothes if you happen to brush in the wrong direction. So I stood there for a moment or two and then decided to run in the den to get scotch tape.
When I realized it was taking me entirely too much time to get the lint off my slacks with the scotch tape, I ran back in the laundry room to see if I had enough layers on the Bounce roller to use. Ok, there is a legitimate reason why I didn’t want to use it. See, I like to use the roller when I’m traveling. And so since I’m traveling next week I wanted to save any layers for then. However, the roll was nearly new. I purchased it when I was in Connecticut a few months back and probably only used two layers. Seriously, this entire paragraph was arguing out in my mind this morning—lol.
Then a light bulb went off in my world.
Ok, something in me screamed…… “so what if it’s the last darn sheet, USE IT!!!!!” It almost startled me. And then I felt stupid. Because…..because it ain’t that serious---lol. But the truth of the matter is that the Bounce roller is one of many things I save for no good reason. For instance, I have different deodorants that I wear on the weekdays than on weekends. Only because I like to reserve the scents for certain days. It doesn’t matter if I run out of the weekend deodorant and need to use the weekday one. I won’t. Cause I need to save the Dove Energizing deodorant for the weekdays. Cause it lifts me up. Especially on a dreary Monday morning. And so if I run out of the weekend deodorant I will use baking soda until I can get to the store. Seriously.
And my bed sheets, which everyone knows I’m very fickle about. I use the best ones on the weekends because I can sleep on them longer. The “casual sheets,” which aren’t lower than a 440-count, I use on weekdays because I don’t usually wash my hair until the weekend and so I don’t want my oily hair to touch my good sheets. I know they can be washed. But so what. And if that’s not enough…..I use certain color sheets according to my mood or season. I have some nice brown sheets, as well as a navy blue set, that I only use in the winter/fall. And so on many occasions I use up all the clean sheets before I can get a chance to wash. And if that happens, I will not use the sheets that are reserved for special times. I will not. I know it’s crazy. Pray for me—lol. I’m the same with purses and shoes.
When I tell you I got stupid issues….you gotta believe me--lol. OH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And the car freshener, the little trees, oh I take that to another level. I’ve only found one place that sells my favorite scent, lilac. And so I usually purchase several to keep in my glove compartment. But if there’s only one left, I will save that one until I’m getting in the car to go to church because that’s the longest distance I usually travel before getting out. And I don’t want to waste the freshest part of the scent if I’m not in the car. Yes, I got issues--lol.
So the Lord dealt with me this morning. Even up to writing this entry. Basically, I’ve taken my blessings for granted. The Lord has blessed me abundantly and what I do is hold on to those things probably in fear of not being blessed again. I’d like to think that it’s only me taking care of my blessings, but the bottom line is that they’re just THINGS!! Things that can be replaced. If I run out……SO WHAT!!! Most things I hold on to are under $2!
But the Lord dealt with me this morning because though minor, it’s a bigger issue in the grand scheme of my life. Anybody who knows me knows that I’m a keep-moving, go-getter type of person. But there are some things, perhaps thoughts and ideas or accomplishments or dreams or gifts and talents that I keep on reserve. Things that are reserved because…..I don’t know why. Maybe fear of going to the next level. Or perhaps fear of uncertainty. Or maybe I’m waiting for the “grand reveal” to make my debut. I don’t know. But I do know that there are some things that I must take off the shelf, remove from the glove compartment, and take out of the linen closest and put to use.
Then there’s this other thing that I’ve noticed this week. It’s that I quit, or want to quit, whatever right at the last stretch. I remember two years ago I went on a 30-day fast and at the 27th day I ate. I had only three more days left and I just stopped. And even when I’m working out. I could set the timer to walk on the treadmill for one hour. I lie not, when it gets down to the last ten minutes I, on more than enough occasions, hit the stop button.
I talked about me being a quitter a lot last year in this blog. The Lord has really brought me a long way with the quitting thing because it was nothing for me to walk away from friendships, a church, or even my family. But over the last few years the Lord has really developed patience and understanding in me and so I’m learning how to live out the full life-cycle in the things and people placed in my life.
But this quitting at the last hour thing is a little different. The other day I was at work and at about 2:30p I couldn’t take it anymore so I got up and walked out. I had already been there working since 9:00a, so well over half my day was gone. But I got weary and said the heck with it. The next day when I got to work my colleague told me that a former colleague who’d moved out of the country had did a surprise drop-in about an hour after I left. Now don’t get me wrong……I’m an accomplishment-atic. So I do press a lot to see the fruits of my labor. But every now and again a situation will come up where I just don’t feel like completing and so I just quit.
The Lord has been actually dealing with me about this issue for a while. But just this week I received the revelation that on those times that I decide to quit are the times when the breakthrough was about to occur. See, I’m in the gym at least 3-4 times a week. And on the day that I decide to hit the stop button on the treadmill is the day that some weight was suppose to drop. Or a muscle to be strengthened. Something. But I worked long enough to NOT see the full manifestation.
So I was thinking about all of the things in the natural that I can see and gauge by like the clock or calendar. But what about when I’m laboring and cannot see the finish line. I think about all of those times when I threw in the towel because I couldn’t see the end result, the finish line. ***Give me a moment. I’m seriously sitting here thinking about this thing****.
One night I dreamed a dream. I was walking along the beach with my Lord. Across the dark sky flashed scenes from my life. For each scene, I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand, one belonging to me and one to my Lord.
When the last scene of my life shot before me I looked back at the footprints in the sand. There was only one set of footprints. I realized that this was at the lowest and saddest times of my life. This always bothered me and I questioned the Lord about my dilemma.
"Lord, You told me when I decided to follow You, You would walk and talk with me all the way. But I'm aware that during the most troublesome times of my life there is only one set of footprints. I just don't understand why, when I need You most, You leave me."
He whispered, "My precious child, I love you and will never leave you, never, ever, during your trials and testings. When you saw only one set of footprints, It was then that I carried you." --Footprints
Ok, so the first thing that I’ve noticed about myself is that I save my good stuff for no good darn reason. This morning as I was getting dressed, I was wearing black, I noticed that lint was on my slacks. And so I was in the laundry room standing there contemplating what I should do. My initial reaction was to change my outfit. I spotted my favorite new product sitting on the shelf above the washer/dryer, practically new. It’s the Bounce Lint and Freshener Roller. I ain’t promoting this product, especially if Bounce ain’t trying to pay me, but I absolutely luuuuuv this lint roller.
Anyway, so the lint roller was clearly in my view, but for some odd reason it was on “reserve”. After a few minutes I realized that I didn’t have enough time to change clothes, so I ran to the linen closet to get my magic brush. I hate using the brush because it puts lint back on your clothes if you happen to brush in the wrong direction. So I stood there for a moment or two and then decided to run in the den to get scotch tape.
When I realized it was taking me entirely too much time to get the lint off my slacks with the scotch tape, I ran back in the laundry room to see if I had enough layers on the Bounce roller to use. Ok, there is a legitimate reason why I didn’t want to use it. See, I like to use the roller when I’m traveling. And so since I’m traveling next week I wanted to save any layers for then. However, the roll was nearly new. I purchased it when I was in Connecticut a few months back and probably only used two layers. Seriously, this entire paragraph was arguing out in my mind this morning—lol.
Then a light bulb went off in my world.
Ok, something in me screamed…… “so what if it’s the last darn sheet, USE IT!!!!!” It almost startled me. And then I felt stupid. Because…..because it ain’t that serious---lol. But the truth of the matter is that the Bounce roller is one of many things I save for no good reason. For instance, I have different deodorants that I wear on the weekdays than on weekends. Only because I like to reserve the scents for certain days. It doesn’t matter if I run out of the weekend deodorant and need to use the weekday one. I won’t. Cause I need to save the Dove Energizing deodorant for the weekdays. Cause it lifts me up. Especially on a dreary Monday morning. And so if I run out of the weekend deodorant I will use baking soda until I can get to the store. Seriously.
And my bed sheets, which everyone knows I’m very fickle about. I use the best ones on the weekends because I can sleep on them longer. The “casual sheets,” which aren’t lower than a 440-count, I use on weekdays because I don’t usually wash my hair until the weekend and so I don’t want my oily hair to touch my good sheets. I know they can be washed. But so what. And if that’s not enough…..I use certain color sheets according to my mood or season. I have some nice brown sheets, as well as a navy blue set, that I only use in the winter/fall. And so on many occasions I use up all the clean sheets before I can get a chance to wash. And if that happens, I will not use the sheets that are reserved for special times. I will not. I know it’s crazy. Pray for me—lol. I’m the same with purses and shoes.
When I tell you I got stupid issues….you gotta believe me--lol. OH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And the car freshener, the little trees, oh I take that to another level. I’ve only found one place that sells my favorite scent, lilac. And so I usually purchase several to keep in my glove compartment. But if there’s only one left, I will save that one until I’m getting in the car to go to church because that’s the longest distance I usually travel before getting out. And I don’t want to waste the freshest part of the scent if I’m not in the car. Yes, I got issues--lol.
So the Lord dealt with me this morning. Even up to writing this entry. Basically, I’ve taken my blessings for granted. The Lord has blessed me abundantly and what I do is hold on to those things probably in fear of not being blessed again. I’d like to think that it’s only me taking care of my blessings, but the bottom line is that they’re just THINGS!! Things that can be replaced. If I run out……SO WHAT!!! Most things I hold on to are under $2!
But the Lord dealt with me this morning because though minor, it’s a bigger issue in the grand scheme of my life. Anybody who knows me knows that I’m a keep-moving, go-getter type of person. But there are some things, perhaps thoughts and ideas or accomplishments or dreams or gifts and talents that I keep on reserve. Things that are reserved because…..I don’t know why. Maybe fear of going to the next level. Or perhaps fear of uncertainty. Or maybe I’m waiting for the “grand reveal” to make my debut. I don’t know. But I do know that there are some things that I must take off the shelf, remove from the glove compartment, and take out of the linen closest and put to use.
Then there’s this other thing that I’ve noticed this week. It’s that I quit, or want to quit, whatever right at the last stretch. I remember two years ago I went on a 30-day fast and at the 27th day I ate. I had only three more days left and I just stopped. And even when I’m working out. I could set the timer to walk on the treadmill for one hour. I lie not, when it gets down to the last ten minutes I, on more than enough occasions, hit the stop button.
I talked about me being a quitter a lot last year in this blog. The Lord has really brought me a long way with the quitting thing because it was nothing for me to walk away from friendships, a church, or even my family. But over the last few years the Lord has really developed patience and understanding in me and so I’m learning how to live out the full life-cycle in the things and people placed in my life.
But this quitting at the last hour thing is a little different. The other day I was at work and at about 2:30p I couldn’t take it anymore so I got up and walked out. I had already been there working since 9:00a, so well over half my day was gone. But I got weary and said the heck with it. The next day when I got to work my colleague told me that a former colleague who’d moved out of the country had did a surprise drop-in about an hour after I left. Now don’t get me wrong……I’m an accomplishment-atic. So I do press a lot to see the fruits of my labor. But every now and again a situation will come up where I just don’t feel like completing and so I just quit.
The Lord has been actually dealing with me about this issue for a while. But just this week I received the revelation that on those times that I decide to quit are the times when the breakthrough was about to occur. See, I’m in the gym at least 3-4 times a week. And on the day that I decide to hit the stop button on the treadmill is the day that some weight was suppose to drop. Or a muscle to be strengthened. Something. But I worked long enough to NOT see the full manifestation.
So I was thinking about all of the things in the natural that I can see and gauge by like the clock or calendar. But what about when I’m laboring and cannot see the finish line. I think about all of those times when I threw in the towel because I couldn’t see the end result, the finish line. ***Give me a moment. I’m seriously sitting here thinking about this thing****.
One night I dreamed a dream. I was walking along the beach with my Lord. Across the dark sky flashed scenes from my life. For each scene, I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand, one belonging to me and one to my Lord.
When the last scene of my life shot before me I looked back at the footprints in the sand. There was only one set of footprints. I realized that this was at the lowest and saddest times of my life. This always bothered me and I questioned the Lord about my dilemma.
"Lord, You told me when I decided to follow You, You would walk and talk with me all the way. But I'm aware that during the most troublesome times of my life there is only one set of footprints. I just don't understand why, when I need You most, You leave me."
He whispered, "My precious child, I love you and will never leave you, never, ever, during your trials and testings. When you saw only one set of footprints, It was then that I carried you." --Footprints
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Intellectual Faith
Intellectual faith. Umph. Can the two really co-exist? I struggled with this thought for several years. I’ve always been one to support intelligence, especially in the church. In fact, an intellect is the #2 on my Must Have Qualities in a Husband list--lol. I thrive off of folk who challenges my mind. I’m a thinker by nature and so it is only natural for me to approach every situation with careful thought and reason. But if we’re living in Christ do we need to be intellectual? Or should I say….apply our intellect to our faith? About a year or so ago I got the answer.
This morning I got up early to take my car in to be serviced. And since I was about an hour earlier than normal getting dressed, I stumbled across a Christian program that I wasn’t familiar with. Basically, the program had to do with leaning on one’s own understanding. And so what the facilitator did was ask a series of questions in which the participants were instructed to answer using their own logic. But when the facilitator gave the correct answers most of the participants were shocked because “leaning on their own quick logic” gave them incorrect responses. It was questions as simple as……. “How many of each animal did Moses take on the Ark?” The facilitator’s point was that because our minds are naturally programmed to think and focus in a certain way making decisions solely on our own mental ability could adversely affect our lives.
Ironically, over the last few months I’ve been seeing a quite a few ministries that are leaning towards teaching intellectual faith. I’d like to think that churches that are incorporating this into their congregations are just merely promoting increased knowledge, but those pastors who are deep thinkers…..well they know what they're doing. I’ve known of several church pastors and leaders who study and apply methods from philosophers such as Edgar Cayce and Josia Royce and Sigmund Freud and many others. But many are developing their own individual philosophies based on their personal thoughts and beliefs.
Just a few weeks ago, I stumbled across a prominent pastor’s blog and what he’s doing is spreading the message to his congregation that they must approach the Word of God intellectually. I’m not sure he got the full understanding of what intellectual faith is, but since its all a trick of the mind its not surprising that it would be confusing to anybody. Ok, let me go back a step or two to explain that intellectual faith is based on evidence. It’s exercising Christianity and Christian beliefs based on evidence.
Ok, so I was reading the pastor’s blog and apparently he has started a movement on preventing HIV/AIDS by supporting and embracing individual sexual practices. Yes, you heard me right. Men and women. Men and men. Women and women. Men and teens. And probably humans and animals. All sexual practices. Cause there’s no limit to sexual immorality---lol. Basically, his argument is that God made each and every one of us sexual beings and so because “God knew that He made us sexual, He obviously knew that there would be countless sexual practices resulting in HIV/AIDS.” HIV/AIDS is most commonly a sexually-transmitted disease according to countless studies. Not even I would argue that. But what the pastor is saying is that understanding the reality of the outcomes of various sexual acts, the church needs to create and support activities that promote “safe” sexual practices.
Basically, he said that the church should approach the world where they are and not where we think they should be. In exact terms he said…… “we shouldn’t try to pull people up to God, but pull God down to the people according to what’s happening in our society.” LOL. Ok, I’m not going to drive off of my subject because it’s so easy to fall into the content of this paragraph---lol---but what the pastor is advocating is a result of the scripture that says:
Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. –Romans 12:2
Ok, this pastor’s philosophy on sexual immorality is not my point today. Really, its not—lol. That’s a whole another entry—lol. The point is that what he’s doing is activating his faith based on evidence. I know, I know…..he’s real off. But he is a pastor that stands firm on pushing his congregation intellectually. It’s all over his blog. And he’s not the only one practicing Christianity in this way. This morning I stumbled across a blog that gave an example on intellectual faith. This is what the Christian writer said:
I intellectually believe, by a preponderance of the evidence, that God exists, that the Bible is true, and that Jesus is his Son... How does this affect me? What is faith, as far as it concerns me?
I love the metaphor of a chair... Find the chair closest to you. Look at it closely. Examine its design. Is it structurally sound? Is it sufficiently engineered? Will the materials chosen by the manufacturer support your weight? Most likely, you picked a chair that you believe will support you. That's belief. You applied logic, knowledge and experience to make an informed intellectual decision. Now some will say that if you sat in the chair then that’s faith. That’s intellectual faith.
Oh REALLY???? But suppose I was given a chair that was raggedy and broken down and clearly didn’t look like it could hold MY weight. Would I sit in it?????? Nobody in their right mind would risk sitting in a chair that looked as if it were about to break. But taking the risk is what Christianity is all about. It’s trusting and believing God’s divine authority even when it doesn’t make human sense. That’s what true faith is. I guess the difference is, according to the guy’s example, is that my Christian walk is not based on my choices, but God’s choosing for me. Therefore, I cannot rely on my reasoning, but only on the Holy Spirit to make sound choices for me. Even if it means accepting from the Lord what looks like a raggedy chair. If the Lord says that it would hold me…….then I believe that it would hold me. Not because I saw it hold someone else, but because……..I trust God.
Last year the Lord gave me a revelation that some things have no mental revelation. That some things are only understood by God’s divine purpose and order. And that some things, ok all things, we have to just trust that God got our back even when we don’t understand why and how. That’s faith. Reasoning and logic will cancel faith in God out. Because one cannot practice Theology and Philosophy together.
I guess to sum this up…..it is absolutely impossible to have intellectual faith and faith in God. Because it would clearly be a tuggle between the mind and the Spirit.
Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. For by it the elders obtained a good testimony. By faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God, so that the things which are seen were not made of things which are visible. –Hebrews 11:1-3
This morning I got up early to take my car in to be serviced. And since I was about an hour earlier than normal getting dressed, I stumbled across a Christian program that I wasn’t familiar with. Basically, the program had to do with leaning on one’s own understanding. And so what the facilitator did was ask a series of questions in which the participants were instructed to answer using their own logic. But when the facilitator gave the correct answers most of the participants were shocked because “leaning on their own quick logic” gave them incorrect responses. It was questions as simple as……. “How many of each animal did Moses take on the Ark?” The facilitator’s point was that because our minds are naturally programmed to think and focus in a certain way making decisions solely on our own mental ability could adversely affect our lives.
Ironically, over the last few months I’ve been seeing a quite a few ministries that are leaning towards teaching intellectual faith. I’d like to think that churches that are incorporating this into their congregations are just merely promoting increased knowledge, but those pastors who are deep thinkers…..well they know what they're doing. I’ve known of several church pastors and leaders who study and apply methods from philosophers such as Edgar Cayce and Josia Royce and Sigmund Freud and many others. But many are developing their own individual philosophies based on their personal thoughts and beliefs.
Just a few weeks ago, I stumbled across a prominent pastor’s blog and what he’s doing is spreading the message to his congregation that they must approach the Word of God intellectually. I’m not sure he got the full understanding of what intellectual faith is, but since its all a trick of the mind its not surprising that it would be confusing to anybody. Ok, let me go back a step or two to explain that intellectual faith is based on evidence. It’s exercising Christianity and Christian beliefs based on evidence.
Ok, so I was reading the pastor’s blog and apparently he has started a movement on preventing HIV/AIDS by supporting and embracing individual sexual practices. Yes, you heard me right. Men and women. Men and men. Women and women. Men and teens. And probably humans and animals. All sexual practices. Cause there’s no limit to sexual immorality---lol. Basically, his argument is that God made each and every one of us sexual beings and so because “God knew that He made us sexual, He obviously knew that there would be countless sexual practices resulting in HIV/AIDS.” HIV/AIDS is most commonly a sexually-transmitted disease according to countless studies. Not even I would argue that. But what the pastor is saying is that understanding the reality of the outcomes of various sexual acts, the church needs to create and support activities that promote “safe” sexual practices.
Basically, he said that the church should approach the world where they are and not where we think they should be. In exact terms he said…… “we shouldn’t try to pull people up to God, but pull God down to the people according to what’s happening in our society.” LOL. Ok, I’m not going to drive off of my subject because it’s so easy to fall into the content of this paragraph---lol---but what the pastor is advocating is a result of the scripture that says:
Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. –Romans 12:2
Ok, this pastor’s philosophy on sexual immorality is not my point today. Really, its not—lol. That’s a whole another entry—lol. The point is that what he’s doing is activating his faith based on evidence. I know, I know…..he’s real off. But he is a pastor that stands firm on pushing his congregation intellectually. It’s all over his blog. And he’s not the only one practicing Christianity in this way. This morning I stumbled across a blog that gave an example on intellectual faith. This is what the Christian writer said:
I intellectually believe, by a preponderance of the evidence, that God exists, that the Bible is true, and that Jesus is his Son... How does this affect me? What is faith, as far as it concerns me?
I love the metaphor of a chair... Find the chair closest to you. Look at it closely. Examine its design. Is it structurally sound? Is it sufficiently engineered? Will the materials chosen by the manufacturer support your weight? Most likely, you picked a chair that you believe will support you. That's belief. You applied logic, knowledge and experience to make an informed intellectual decision. Now some will say that if you sat in the chair then that’s faith. That’s intellectual faith.
Oh REALLY???? But suppose I was given a chair that was raggedy and broken down and clearly didn’t look like it could hold MY weight. Would I sit in it?????? Nobody in their right mind would risk sitting in a chair that looked as if it were about to break. But taking the risk is what Christianity is all about. It’s trusting and believing God’s divine authority even when it doesn’t make human sense. That’s what true faith is. I guess the difference is, according to the guy’s example, is that my Christian walk is not based on my choices, but God’s choosing for me. Therefore, I cannot rely on my reasoning, but only on the Holy Spirit to make sound choices for me. Even if it means accepting from the Lord what looks like a raggedy chair. If the Lord says that it would hold me…….then I believe that it would hold me. Not because I saw it hold someone else, but because……..I trust God.
Last year the Lord gave me a revelation that some things have no mental revelation. That some things are only understood by God’s divine purpose and order. And that some things, ok all things, we have to just trust that God got our back even when we don’t understand why and how. That’s faith. Reasoning and logic will cancel faith in God out. Because one cannot practice Theology and Philosophy together.
I guess to sum this up…..it is absolutely impossible to have intellectual faith and faith in God. Because it would clearly be a tuggle between the mind and the Spirit.
Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. For by it the elders obtained a good testimony. By faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God, so that the things which are seen were not made of things which are visible. –Hebrews 11:1-3
Monday, June 15, 2009
Symbols of Salvation
Wow…..what a great Monday!!! Anything but the Monday blues. Surprisingly, I’m good today. I know it has something to do with the church’s fast--lol. Anywho…..T.D. Jakes gave a piece of this list in his sermon yesterday, but I thought I’d extend it. Enjoy
1. Praise and worship leader
2. Goose bumps, shivers, and quickenings
3. A scripture reciter (I don’t think reciter is a word—lol)
4. Tears of joy for others
5. A faith taker that expects the impossible
6. Voted for Sarah Palin (shhhhhh!)
7. Head drips of anointing oil
8. A dance and shout around the pews—every Sunday
9. A well marked up bible
10. Loyal to the ministry (Mon, Tue, Wed, Thur, Fri, Sat, and twice on Sunday)
11. The future pastor and the first lady of a mega church
12. A debt-free tither who gives regularly to charity
13. Crying and laying on the altar
14. Witnessing on the metro
15. Author of a book on the Holy Spirit
16. A prayer warrior with a special prayer room
17. Toured Jerusalem, and baptized in the Jordan
18. Television permanently stuck on TBN (don’t touch that dial!)
19. Survived a horrible break-up!! (a miracle)
20. Forgave the girl who caused the break-up
21. Witnessed to the girl and became prayer partners
22. Fasted for 40 days and 40 nights
23. A big ole’ cross around the neck (my favorite)
24. A scripture tattooed on the arm
25. A free-spirit and a kind heart
26. Celibate, or even a virgin in the prime of your life
Sounds like me, huh? Yeah right!!! Cause yal know that any girl who causes my man to break-up with me will get the beat down--LOL. Pray for me. The Lord is still working on a sistah—lol. No really I think I’m good in that area. Haven’t experienced that in a good 15 years. And now looking back, I want to kiss the girl. Don’t think she’d become my prayer partner, but I’d thank her profusely if I saw her today. BTW......I saw him a year or two ago. They got married. Yeah, I probably need to pray for her--lol.
Anyway……..these are signs and symbols that God may be (and I said MAY BE) with you. But experiencing any or all of these doesn’t mean that God is in you.
1. Praise and worship leader
2. Goose bumps, shivers, and quickenings
3. A scripture reciter (I don’t think reciter is a word—lol)
4. Tears of joy for others
5. A faith taker that expects the impossible
6. Voted for Sarah Palin (shhhhhh!)
7. Head drips of anointing oil
8. A dance and shout around the pews—every Sunday
9. A well marked up bible
10. Loyal to the ministry (Mon, Tue, Wed, Thur, Fri, Sat, and twice on Sunday)
11. The future pastor and the first lady of a mega church
12. A debt-free tither who gives regularly to charity
13. Crying and laying on the altar
14. Witnessing on the metro
15. Author of a book on the Holy Spirit
16. A prayer warrior with a special prayer room
17. Toured Jerusalem, and baptized in the Jordan
18. Television permanently stuck on TBN (don’t touch that dial!)
19. Survived a horrible break-up!! (a miracle)
20. Forgave the girl who caused the break-up
21. Witnessed to the girl and became prayer partners
22. Fasted for 40 days and 40 nights
23. A big ole’ cross around the neck (my favorite)
24. A scripture tattooed on the arm
25. A free-spirit and a kind heart
26. Celibate, or even a virgin in the prime of your life
Sounds like me, huh? Yeah right!!! Cause yal know that any girl who causes my man to break-up with me will get the beat down--LOL. Pray for me. The Lord is still working on a sistah—lol. No really I think I’m good in that area. Haven’t experienced that in a good 15 years. And now looking back, I want to kiss the girl. Don’t think she’d become my prayer partner, but I’d thank her profusely if I saw her today. BTW......I saw him a year or two ago. They got married. Yeah, I probably need to pray for her--lol.
Anyway……..these are signs and symbols that God may be (and I said MAY BE) with you. But experiencing any or all of these doesn’t mean that God is in you.
Friday, June 12, 2009
Going Public
Do folk really know the responsibility of “going public”?????? For several years I maintained a career in public relations, even majoring in it in undergrad. I still have friends and colleagues who call me asking for advice on some aspect of the field—whether its publicity or image development or cause-related marketing or whatever. And usually my advice yields favorable results. And even though I am in a totally different industry now, my position requires skills in relating to the public. So I’d like to think that I know a little sumthin, sumthin about the craft--lol.
Being a public figure has its pros and cons. If your purpose or passion calls for going public you have to really be ready to take on its challenges. I mean, to go public means opening yourself up to public opinion as well as being “controlled” by the public---especially if you’re solely depending on the public to support your product or cause. But if you promote the right public image the result is usually fortune and fame. This pro is the mission for most public figures. But again, for every pro there is a con.
I remember a couple of years ago when Coretta Scott King died there was a rumored quarrel amongst the family of whether or not to make their mom’s funeral opened to the public. Of course everybody and their momma had an opinion---including yours truly-lol. I remember having an exchange of words with a colleague. Apparently this ordeal had brought back memories of her father whom she had buried a few years prior. So her argument was that Coretta was first and foremost a mother who had a family and that her funeral should be a private matter. My colleague went on to say that Coretta’s children had the right to make the funeral private and that their decision should be respected.
Ok, I wasn’t trying to be disrespectful or nothing, but uhhh Coretta was a public figure who lived a public life. That was her legacy and purpose on this earth. And so umm I strongly felt that her funeral should have been opened to the public. Me and my colleague went back and forth with our difference of opinions up until it was announced that Coretta’s body would lie in state publicly at Ebenezer Baptist Church. And if that wasn’t enough it was decided that her funeral would be televised to the public from New Birth Church in Atlanta. I applauded cause apparently somebody got schooled.
The King’s public relations decision about the funeral stuck with me. It was confirmation on so many levels for me. The main being that we all have a purpose. And when we are provided avenues to give a message while fulfilling purpose on this earth then we have to be in tuned enough to know the opportunity. See, Bernice King eulogized her mom and tore the house down. I’d like to think that she felt that perhaps the funeral would be the last time she’d have her mother and father’s massive audience together. And so she maximized the moment by doing what she does best…….preaching God’s word. I know millions viewed the funeral. We were even allowed to watch on our computers from our offices. And I’m sure that out of those millions of viewers somebody came to know Christ. I’m getting chills thinking about it. The Kings have been in this thing long enough to know how to work it. And so that’s why Martin Luther King and Coretta Scott King go down as probably the greatest public figures of our time. And then the Obamas—lol.
So saying all that (deep breath-lol)…….I got something on my mind today. Ok, I’m a little disappointed. Actually, I’ve been all week. See, I read an article in Essence magazine’s July issue (Queen Latifah on the cover) of a Chicago pastor named Rev. Patrick D. Shaffer of City of Faith Christian Church who is apparently looking for a mate. In the Relationships section, the article is actually entitled, “Praying for Love.” Ain’t nothing wrong with that. Dude is divorced and I guess he feels that he’s tired of being single. I can relate.
But he made a quote that sent me off. After giving his spiel about a few dates he’d gone on and the reaction of those women once they found out his “occupation” he said, and I quote………… “The last thing I want to do when I’m getting to know a lady is talk about Jesus.” I’m getting offended again just by typing this. I mean really, did dude say the LAST thing???? Ok, I’m gonna give him the benefit of the doubt and say that he was just overusing jargon. But being witty or not……when you put Jesus in a quote it becomes quite serious. At least for me. Am I the only one who fears God???????
Anyway, I was hoping that I had read wrong, but I knew I didn’t. So then I read the paragraph with the quote again. Still disappointed. Somehow I managed to get through the rest of the article. I wanted to go to bed, but decided to make a comment about it on Facebook. And then I talked to my girlfriend about it. She knows me well and so she said, “I know you’re gonna write the editor!” LOLOL. Naww. I mean, I don’t have to do that now since I blog. This is where I’d rather vent—lol. But I told her that I’m sure tails will be wagging throughout the media.
Ok, so that was Monday--I believe. So last night I was getting ready to go to bed and decided to finish the magazine. I just wanted to go back and read the other articles I had skimmed over. But then I came back to dude’s article. I was in a good mood, just had some really good conversation with a new friend and so I was like…..what the heck read it again Jill. Lie not, as soon as I read the first line………when I first meet a woman, I don’t divulge details about what I do for a living, my eyes glanced over and I saw in a pull-out quote what he said about not wanting to talk about Jesus. I mean, I didn’t see this bolded pull-out quote before. I had only read it in the bottom paragraph. So after seeing it I got pissed. Cause now it seemed like Essence was making a mockery of it by displaying it boldly to lure readers. But I continued reading hoping I would discover that I was making more of it than it really was.
After reading the entire article again, I’m like……is dude serious. I was even more disturbed then I was on Monday. Dude had the nerve to say that when he meets a woman he doesn’t tell her that he’s a pastor. He tells her that he is in the nonprofit sector and work with families. I mean, is that deceit or just a plain ole lie. He then goes on to say that it’s because he’s not looking for a first lady. But an independent, accomplished woman. Actually, he said that he wants a "Michelle to my Barack". Whatever the heck that means. If he’s trying to say what I think he’s trying to say……..he obviously doesn’t know the Obamas. See, they’re married and committed to their purpose. And are not ashamed about it.
Dude then went on to say that being a pastor (wait---let me just reveal that he is also the founder of the church) is just his “occupation” and that there are many other dimensions to him beyond his faith like listening to Biggie, and Dr. Dre’s--The Chronic. Wowwwww, how well-rounded and impressive. I know, I know I’m being bad--lol. But seriously, this goes back to an entry I did a few weeks ago about having balance. Again, why do folk think that God (including God’s calling on their lives) is separate from their whole being. I mean, when the Lord resides in you, He is the whole sum. Your purpose becomes your life. I mean, when Obama went to Five Guys to buy a burger for lunch the other day…...he was still the president!!! And was treated and respected....... as the president!!!
Your calling is not something you can turn on and off. Just last week when Barack took Michelle to New York on a date that was very publicized and scrutinized Barack said that unfortunately it comes with the package. He said that it would be his choice to have a private date on commercial transportation with his wife, but he said that unfortunately they don’t have that choice. But one thing is for sure and two things for certain……when the Obamas was in that theater having private time they were still the President and First Lady. And if something was to jump off in the country, their time would have been cut short. And it would take a good, solid woman who too knows her calling as a first lady to deal with such a responsibility in being her husband’s help meet. That’s what you really call wanting a "Michelle to my Barack".
When I finished the article I didn’t know whether to holler or cry. I mean, this generation is so freaking twisted and it’s so darn sad. I mean, I wanted to shout…..YOU FOOL! after reading the part when dude said his ideal woman has her own goals and career, and that he doesn’t want her to be centered around “his career”. But I thought about when [my friend] told me to keep my mouth off the man of God--lol. So I digressed. (Deep breath) But c'mon. Is dude serious. Haven’t we learned with the divorce rate being 50% even amongst church folk that being separate in the Body-of-Christ ain’t working. When are we really gonna learn how to come together as one. I mean, dude’s “career” ain’t a 9 to 5 gig. In fact, it’s a 7-day week with countless overtime. You tell me what woman in her right God-given mind is gonna be so far removed in her own career while her husband is feeding the flock. Give me a break.
Ok, did I mention that dude is the PASTOR AND FOUNDER of the church? Ok, so how could he not want a wife that is called to the same mission and purpose?????? When you’re a pastor, whether you refer to your wife as the first lady or not SHE TOO HAS RESPONSIBILITY AS YOUR HELP MEET. And dude…..being a first lady ain’t a part-time gig!! Ask Michelle Obama. And any other first ladies out there. But I’m sad and disappointed because this scenario ain’t uncommon. There are many pastors out there marrying for selfish reasons. And going as far as broadcasting their desires in a secular manner. It’s quite sad.
You know what makes me shed a tear or two…..this dude got an opportunity that few pastors, including famous pastors, get. A feature article in one of the best publications out. Dude had every opportunity to spread the Gospel. And it could have been done in a number of ways without sounding churchy or preachy. Don’t know who was responsible for landing this opportunity for him, but if I was his publicist the article would have spun something like……. “I'm trusting God to create the perfect wife on loan from heaven for a lifetime just for me. Someone who’s not just my first lady, but my lover, my wife, my friend.” Instead dude sold out with a whole bunch of nonsense just to preserve and promote his "down-to-earth, down-with-the-unsaved-too" image. And his book. Umph.
Oh, just so you know……dude’s book, “Loving Again” is due out this fall. As always, feel free to email me about it, but really I ain’t interested in what it says.
For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? --Mark 8:36
Being a public figure has its pros and cons. If your purpose or passion calls for going public you have to really be ready to take on its challenges. I mean, to go public means opening yourself up to public opinion as well as being “controlled” by the public---especially if you’re solely depending on the public to support your product or cause. But if you promote the right public image the result is usually fortune and fame. This pro is the mission for most public figures. But again, for every pro there is a con.
I remember a couple of years ago when Coretta Scott King died there was a rumored quarrel amongst the family of whether or not to make their mom’s funeral opened to the public. Of course everybody and their momma had an opinion---including yours truly-lol. I remember having an exchange of words with a colleague. Apparently this ordeal had brought back memories of her father whom she had buried a few years prior. So her argument was that Coretta was first and foremost a mother who had a family and that her funeral should be a private matter. My colleague went on to say that Coretta’s children had the right to make the funeral private and that their decision should be respected.
Ok, I wasn’t trying to be disrespectful or nothing, but uhhh Coretta was a public figure who lived a public life. That was her legacy and purpose on this earth. And so umm I strongly felt that her funeral should have been opened to the public. Me and my colleague went back and forth with our difference of opinions up until it was announced that Coretta’s body would lie in state publicly at Ebenezer Baptist Church. And if that wasn’t enough it was decided that her funeral would be televised to the public from New Birth Church in Atlanta. I applauded cause apparently somebody got schooled.
The King’s public relations decision about the funeral stuck with me. It was confirmation on so many levels for me. The main being that we all have a purpose. And when we are provided avenues to give a message while fulfilling purpose on this earth then we have to be in tuned enough to know the opportunity. See, Bernice King eulogized her mom and tore the house down. I’d like to think that she felt that perhaps the funeral would be the last time she’d have her mother and father’s massive audience together. And so she maximized the moment by doing what she does best…….preaching God’s word. I know millions viewed the funeral. We were even allowed to watch on our computers from our offices. And I’m sure that out of those millions of viewers somebody came to know Christ. I’m getting chills thinking about it. The Kings have been in this thing long enough to know how to work it. And so that’s why Martin Luther King and Coretta Scott King go down as probably the greatest public figures of our time. And then the Obamas—lol.
So saying all that (deep breath-lol)…….I got something on my mind today. Ok, I’m a little disappointed. Actually, I’ve been all week. See, I read an article in Essence magazine’s July issue (Queen Latifah on the cover) of a Chicago pastor named Rev. Patrick D. Shaffer of City of Faith Christian Church who is apparently looking for a mate. In the Relationships section, the article is actually entitled, “Praying for Love.” Ain’t nothing wrong with that. Dude is divorced and I guess he feels that he’s tired of being single. I can relate.
But he made a quote that sent me off. After giving his spiel about a few dates he’d gone on and the reaction of those women once they found out his “occupation” he said, and I quote………… “The last thing I want to do when I’m getting to know a lady is talk about Jesus.” I’m getting offended again just by typing this. I mean really, did dude say the LAST thing???? Ok, I’m gonna give him the benefit of the doubt and say that he was just overusing jargon. But being witty or not……when you put Jesus in a quote it becomes quite serious. At least for me. Am I the only one who fears God???????
Anyway, I was hoping that I had read wrong, but I knew I didn’t. So then I read the paragraph with the quote again. Still disappointed. Somehow I managed to get through the rest of the article. I wanted to go to bed, but decided to make a comment about it on Facebook. And then I talked to my girlfriend about it. She knows me well and so she said, “I know you’re gonna write the editor!” LOLOL. Naww. I mean, I don’t have to do that now since I blog. This is where I’d rather vent—lol. But I told her that I’m sure tails will be wagging throughout the media.
Ok, so that was Monday--I believe. So last night I was getting ready to go to bed and decided to finish the magazine. I just wanted to go back and read the other articles I had skimmed over. But then I came back to dude’s article. I was in a good mood, just had some really good conversation with a new friend and so I was like…..what the heck read it again Jill. Lie not, as soon as I read the first line………when I first meet a woman, I don’t divulge details about what I do for a living, my eyes glanced over and I saw in a pull-out quote what he said about not wanting to talk about Jesus. I mean, I didn’t see this bolded pull-out quote before. I had only read it in the bottom paragraph. So after seeing it I got pissed. Cause now it seemed like Essence was making a mockery of it by displaying it boldly to lure readers. But I continued reading hoping I would discover that I was making more of it than it really was.
After reading the entire article again, I’m like……is dude serious. I was even more disturbed then I was on Monday. Dude had the nerve to say that when he meets a woman he doesn’t tell her that he’s a pastor. He tells her that he is in the nonprofit sector and work with families. I mean, is that deceit or just a plain ole lie. He then goes on to say that it’s because he’s not looking for a first lady. But an independent, accomplished woman. Actually, he said that he wants a "Michelle to my Barack". Whatever the heck that means. If he’s trying to say what I think he’s trying to say……..he obviously doesn’t know the Obamas. See, they’re married and committed to their purpose. And are not ashamed about it.
Dude then went on to say that being a pastor (wait---let me just reveal that he is also the founder of the church) is just his “occupation” and that there are many other dimensions to him beyond his faith like listening to Biggie, and Dr. Dre’s--The Chronic. Wowwwww, how well-rounded and impressive. I know, I know I’m being bad--lol. But seriously, this goes back to an entry I did a few weeks ago about having balance. Again, why do folk think that God (including God’s calling on their lives) is separate from their whole being. I mean, when the Lord resides in you, He is the whole sum. Your purpose becomes your life. I mean, when Obama went to Five Guys to buy a burger for lunch the other day…...he was still the president!!! And was treated and respected....... as the president!!!
Your calling is not something you can turn on and off. Just last week when Barack took Michelle to New York on a date that was very publicized and scrutinized Barack said that unfortunately it comes with the package. He said that it would be his choice to have a private date on commercial transportation with his wife, but he said that unfortunately they don’t have that choice. But one thing is for sure and two things for certain……when the Obamas was in that theater having private time they were still the President and First Lady. And if something was to jump off in the country, their time would have been cut short. And it would take a good, solid woman who too knows her calling as a first lady to deal with such a responsibility in being her husband’s help meet. That’s what you really call wanting a "Michelle to my Barack".
When I finished the article I didn’t know whether to holler or cry. I mean, this generation is so freaking twisted and it’s so darn sad. I mean, I wanted to shout…..YOU FOOL! after reading the part when dude said his ideal woman has her own goals and career, and that he doesn’t want her to be centered around “his career”. But I thought about when [my friend] told me to keep my mouth off the man of God--lol. So I digressed. (Deep breath) But c'mon. Is dude serious. Haven’t we learned with the divorce rate being 50% even amongst church folk that being separate in the Body-of-Christ ain’t working. When are we really gonna learn how to come together as one. I mean, dude’s “career” ain’t a 9 to 5 gig. In fact, it’s a 7-day week with countless overtime. You tell me what woman in her right God-given mind is gonna be so far removed in her own career while her husband is feeding the flock. Give me a break.
Ok, did I mention that dude is the PASTOR AND FOUNDER of the church? Ok, so how could he not want a wife that is called to the same mission and purpose?????? When you’re a pastor, whether you refer to your wife as the first lady or not SHE TOO HAS RESPONSIBILITY AS YOUR HELP MEET. And dude…..being a first lady ain’t a part-time gig!! Ask Michelle Obama. And any other first ladies out there. But I’m sad and disappointed because this scenario ain’t uncommon. There are many pastors out there marrying for selfish reasons. And going as far as broadcasting their desires in a secular manner. It’s quite sad.
You know what makes me shed a tear or two…..this dude got an opportunity that few pastors, including famous pastors, get. A feature article in one of the best publications out. Dude had every opportunity to spread the Gospel. And it could have been done in a number of ways without sounding churchy or preachy. Don’t know who was responsible for landing this opportunity for him, but if I was his publicist the article would have spun something like……. “I'm trusting God to create the perfect wife on loan from heaven for a lifetime just for me. Someone who’s not just my first lady, but my lover, my wife, my friend.” Instead dude sold out with a whole bunch of nonsense just to preserve and promote his "down-to-earth, down-with-the-unsaved-too" image. And his book. Umph.
Oh, just so you know……dude’s book, “Loving Again” is due out this fall. As always, feel free to email me about it, but really I ain’t interested in what it says.
For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? --Mark 8:36
Monday, June 8, 2009
At the Crossroads
Wow. My pastor was on point. At the beginning of the year I sat down with him to chat and he looked at me without interruption and said…… “Jill, this year the path will become so clear to you.” Of course I accepted what he said, not just out of authority, but because I had already believed it in my heart. Things I wanted answers to, I just knew God would reveal to me in due time. However, I didn’t know it would be necessarily this year.
Like clockwork, since my pastor gave me that prophecy, stuff just started making sense to me. Spiritual sense that is. Stuff just started clicking. From my daily walk, to my purpose, to folk in my life, to surrounding people, to so many things. You know what’s really scary……about a good seven of my blog entries this year I’ve heard pastors and tele-evangelist preach immediately after I’d written them. That’s nothing short of the Holy Spirit. That’s God. And its freaking me out—lol.
So I got another revelation. Ok, maybe not a revelation to the seasoned Christians--lol, but I just got it. And when I gain understanding its like fresh news and so I’m spreading it. So bear with me---lol.
Ok, so over the last week or so, I have heard so many people insinuate the same thing that God controls all people on this earth and that if you acknowledge Him then its all good. Maybe not this verbatim, but their talk insinuates this. I’ve spoken about this in previous entries. It’s the same ole, same ole belief. People assuming that just because they “acknowledge” the Lord they have an all access pass to His favor and blessings. I’m not even gonna say access to heaven cause let’s be real……..do folk (church folk included) even believe that there is a heaven or a hell?????
Anyway…..so last week I was having a conversation with a male acquaintance, a buddy of a buddy, and he said to me……. “Jill I am so at a crossroads. I know that whatever decision I make God got my back.” I listened. And not to tell his business but the decision had to do with women. It’s the same old saga. The “good to me” girl versus the “good for me” girl saga. Basically, dude wants the full blessings of God in choosing the right woman, but he ain’t trying to commit wholeheartedly to God. On top of that…..he’s dogging both of them. You how that goes. So I listened. Then of course gave my opinion cause you know that’s what I do best----lol. And then I went on. Can’t waste too much time on unfruitful folk.
Since that conversation, and before, there has been the same cockiness from some folk that God-controls-all-humans-and-I-can-do-me-cause-God-made-me-me-and-he-knows-me-and-accepts-my-crap. Um…..NOT. This is such a big misconception. God does not control all, God KNOWS all, and can DO all, but He does not control all. He gave this world up to satan. And therefore He leaves that choice up to us. Ok, let me clear this up one more again--lol.
In this life, we are gonna come to crossroads. And at that crossroad it is our choice, in which the Lord gave us, to choose one of four roads, or paths. The consequences, in which the Bible speaks about is one of two results……life or death. The tricky part is that only one road leads to life---eternal life---while the other three leads to death.
Ok, here they are. In no particular order.
Choice #1 – The Yellow Brick Road
I’m opting to speak about this road first only because it is the most common. Ok, so envision you are at a crossroads and you’re looking in front of you. The choice is to either go to the right road or the left road. The yellow brick road is the left road. This is the road that is the most deceptive. In fact, I firmly believe that when you choose this road you have to bite the apple upon entering--lol. And you know the leader of this road makes that apple look reeeeal good.
This is the road that all the “good” folk choose. The movers and shakers, the ones who start the big foundations and give the big checks to the needy. This is the road that a lot who claim to be Christians are on. I call it the yellow brick road……..to emerald city. Cause it’s all hype. But when you get to the end you find out that oz is a fake. But this road is flashy. Perhaps folk on this road houses are displayed on MTV Cribs. Or maybe they are given reality shows that tell the story of their “blessed life”. This road of folk is driven off of the “American Dream”. It seems the way of life, but if you really open your eyes you can see what its really about. It’s a front.
The yellow brick road reminds me of Las Vegas. I’d traveled there back in the early nineties and was quite shock cause it wasn’t exactly what I thought. To be honest, I don’t even know what I was expecting, but whatever it was…..it wasn’t. The Vegas strip is nice and bright, but make the wrong turn and you are in the hood. The hood in the desert. Complete dryness—lol.
I believe the only good thing about the yellow brick road is that you do come to frequent crossroads. Or should I say, at least the crossroads in which you will see the hand of God and how He works. I’d like to believe these are signs of Him trying to get our attention to choose the right road. This is where the misconceptions come in. Cause folk grab a piece of success and think they have the fullness of God; His blessings and divine protection and assurance, but unfortunately they don’t. Cause they’re blind and don’t know no better. And so they keep choosing the left---the yellow brick road.
There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to destruction. –Psalm 14:12
Choice #2 – The Road to Nowhere
Lol. This is a silent choice. Nobody talks about this road, yet so many folk are stuck on it. In fact, is it really a road??? This is the point where you’re at the crossroads and you don’t move. You don’t go to the right or the left. You’re just stuck on stop. You watch everybody else, gossip and talk about everybody else, and complain about why you can’t proceed with your life like everybody else. Actually, some may call it “standing still”. But actually they’re comfortable being spectators.
This position I believe is where a lot of church folk are. They want the best of both worlds so much so that it cancels out life. They don’t move. The sad part is that they know EXACTLY what road to choose, but they don’t. Ain’t a whole lot to this……this point is just filled with purposeless folk just being spectators and existing. Totally disobedient to God.
I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of Egypt so that you would no longer be slaves to the Egyptians; I broke the bars of your yoke and enabled you to walk with heads held high.
" 'But if you will not listen to me and carry out all these commands, and if you reject my decrees and abhor my laws and fail to carry out all my commands and so violate my covenant, then I will do this to you: I will bring upon you sudden terror, wasting diseases and fever that will destroy your sight and drain away your life. You will plant seed in vain, because your enemies will eat it. I will set my face against you so that you will be defeated by your enemies; those who hate you will rule over you, and you will flee even when no one is pursuing you.
" 'If after all this you will not listen to me, I will punish you for your sins seven times over. I will break down your stubborn pride and make the sky above you like iron and the ground beneath you like bronze. Your strength will be spent in vain, because your soil will not yield its crops, nor will the trees of the land yield their fruit. --Leviticus 26:13-20
Choice #3 – The Road of Darkness
This is the spooky road. The road to darkness. This is the road in which we think all “demons and devils” choose. But I firmly believe that a lot of folk are traveling down this road and their spookiness is undercover---lol. Folk we see and converse with on a day-to-day.
If you’re standing at the crossroads and supposed to be making a choice to go left or right, the folks on this road don’t choose either, nor do they stand still. These folk walk backward. Back into darkness. Perhaps atheist or those who know the truth but have opted to serve their own flesh or cognitive beliefs. They’re all mentally and spiritually screwed up.
Furthermore, since they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, he gave them over to a depraved mind, to do what ought not to be done. –Romans 1:28
These folk on this road have outwardly rejected the knowledge and trueness of God and will try their best to prove their way. You may see these folk down on the Washington Mall marching for their cause---lol. They’re funny and they try to be intimidating. But they’re not. Especially when the other folk know with confidence that Jesus Christ has all power. But you know what the real funny thing is……folk who have chosen the yellow brick road, and those who have chosen the road to nowhere will too “pray” for these folk. Cause compared to these folk everybody else is saints.
Choice #4 – The Road to Eternal Life
Then there is the road to eternal life. Forget what you heard…..but this is the ONLY road that does not lead to hell. Bottomline. In fact, this is the road in which the Lord reveals that He indeed gives us choice. And when we think choosing the right road is a difficult decision…..He then gives us the answer!!! How cool is that!!!
I call heaven and earth as witnesses today against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore choose life, that both you and your descendants may live…. –Deuteronomy 30:19
If you are standing at the crossroads looking straight ahead, the road to eternal life sits to your right. At least that’s how I envision it. This road ain’t flashy, and may not be inviting. But if you stare at it long enough you’ll start to feel peace. Deep down we know this is the road to choose….cause we just know. Cause His Word says so. But we’ve heard so many “boring” stories about it and boring ain’t what we need in this stage of our lives--lol.
Ok, can I be honest today? Thanks---lol. Although Christ paid the ultimate price, this road will cost you something. Nobody wants to talk about the suffering and patience you have to endure on this road, but yes it will cost you something. I think that’s why most Christians choose the yellow brick road. Cause we think we're doing the right thing. But we can’t fool God. Either we commit or we don’t. Either we believe……..or we don’t. It’s that simple. But it will cost something. Just about every little thing that we’ve built up over the years in our own little might we gotta release when we choose the road to eternal life. Yeah, to walk down this road you may have to strip down to the bare essentials---lol.
I use myself as an example. I’ve known the Lord all my life. And I’ve served Him all my life. Ok, not all but most--lol. I was born and raised in the Pentecostal church. But it wasn’t until September 2007---yep not even a full two years ago---that I CHOSE the road to eternal life. To serve God with all of me. That is…..mind, body, and soul. And so my choices are no longer my choice cause I’ve made the initial choice at the crossroads to commit wholeheartedly to Him. I sold my soul to Christ. I repented and invited Him as my Lord and Savior. That means, God makes all of my life’s decisions---who I marry, befriend, career, etc. Not me. Yeah, yeah….I know we all like to think that God makes our decisions, but it’s much different on this road. On the other roads we make the decisions and “pray” that God will work a miracle around it---or not allow the devil to bust it up--lol. But the decisions on this road extend far past what we want and our personal desires. And it ain't always easy. This road is dedicated to fulfilling God’s purpose.
In addition to that, and most importantly, this road is about folk giving their lives as a living sacrifice to God. It’s a road of pure worship. In fact, at the start of this road while personal desires are forfeited we enter in with the expectation of seeing God’s face. The beauty and glory of God. Not just for a certain time span, but for eternity. We enter in expecting that God is going to do what His Word says. That’s what real faith is. Talk about FAITH. Entering this road is truly a walk of faith. So for those who are self-motivated and self-focused…….the road to eternal life will be a challenge--lol.
Ok, I’d be the first to admit that when I decided to commit to God I had no idea what to expect on this road. I call this road my “journey”. In early 2007, an acquaintance came to me and said….. “God could really use you in His kingdom.” Those were fighting words to me cause…….cause I KNEW God. But who I thought I knew didn’t add up to the quality of my life. So I started searching. Cause I wanted the peace and assurance that other true believers on this road were experiencing. Aside from that…….anything had to be better than the yellow brick road to emerald city I’d been traveling on. I’ve said this many times in previous entries that each time I earned a degree or gained an accomplishment I felt depressed and empty. Those were definitely my crossroad experiences. So in September 2007 when the final crossroads was presented to me, I said…… “this time I’ma try it God’s way.” And so I took a leap of faith and hopped onto the road to eternal life.
I’m a witness……choosing this road in the beginning seems dull and boring. But just when you’re at the point where you say…..Lord its just me and you……the benefits start flowing. And I mean, BOUNTIFUL benefits. To name all I’d have to start a new entry. But I will say that just the peace of God alone is enough to carry me through this lifetime. And you know what the funny thing is……because I’m focused on God’s face and not His hand, He’s taking care of my EVERY need. I’ve received multiple raises on my job in one year. Not to mention career advancements. Doors have been opening, folk just coming out of nowhere to help fulfill the mission and purpose in which the Lord has called me to do. It’s absolutely amazing. And if that's not enough......He's even fulfilled some of my heart's deepest desires. Cause I make it my mission to line my heart with His will.
Now let me clarify something……I ain’t here trying to preach perfection, nor am I trying to judge anybody. But the way the world is headed these days…….we need to know that we know that we know where we are headed. Bottomline. Just about every prophecy in the Bible is coming to pass. And that’s enough to make the right decision. So its your choice.
I guess some may ask…..how do you know the yellow brick road folk, from the road to nowhere folk, from the road to darkness folk, from the road to eternal life folk. Well, according to the Word of God:
“No good tree bears bad fruit, nor does a bad tree bear good fruit. Each tree is recognized by its own fruit. People do not pick figs from thorn bushes, or grapes from briers. The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks.
“Why do you call me, ‘Lord, Lord,‘ and do not do what I say? I will show you what he is like who comes to me and hears my words and puts them into practice. He is like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built. But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. The moment the torrent struck that house, it collapsed and its destruction was complete. --Luke 6:43-49
Like clockwork, since my pastor gave me that prophecy, stuff just started making sense to me. Spiritual sense that is. Stuff just started clicking. From my daily walk, to my purpose, to folk in my life, to surrounding people, to so many things. You know what’s really scary……about a good seven of my blog entries this year I’ve heard pastors and tele-evangelist preach immediately after I’d written them. That’s nothing short of the Holy Spirit. That’s God. And its freaking me out—lol.
So I got another revelation. Ok, maybe not a revelation to the seasoned Christians--lol, but I just got it. And when I gain understanding its like fresh news and so I’m spreading it. So bear with me---lol.
Ok, so over the last week or so, I have heard so many people insinuate the same thing that God controls all people on this earth and that if you acknowledge Him then its all good. Maybe not this verbatim, but their talk insinuates this. I’ve spoken about this in previous entries. It’s the same ole, same ole belief. People assuming that just because they “acknowledge” the Lord they have an all access pass to His favor and blessings. I’m not even gonna say access to heaven cause let’s be real……..do folk (church folk included) even believe that there is a heaven or a hell?????
Anyway…..so last week I was having a conversation with a male acquaintance, a buddy of a buddy, and he said to me……. “Jill I am so at a crossroads. I know that whatever decision I make God got my back.” I listened. And not to tell his business but the decision had to do with women. It’s the same old saga. The “good to me” girl versus the “good for me” girl saga. Basically, dude wants the full blessings of God in choosing the right woman, but he ain’t trying to commit wholeheartedly to God. On top of that…..he’s dogging both of them. You how that goes. So I listened. Then of course gave my opinion cause you know that’s what I do best----lol. And then I went on. Can’t waste too much time on unfruitful folk.
Since that conversation, and before, there has been the same cockiness from some folk that God-controls-all-humans-and-I-can-do-me-cause-God-made-me-me-and-he-knows-me-and-accepts-my-crap. Um…..NOT. This is such a big misconception. God does not control all, God KNOWS all, and can DO all, but He does not control all. He gave this world up to satan. And therefore He leaves that choice up to us. Ok, let me clear this up one more again--lol.
In this life, we are gonna come to crossroads. And at that crossroad it is our choice, in which the Lord gave us, to choose one of four roads, or paths. The consequences, in which the Bible speaks about is one of two results……life or death. The tricky part is that only one road leads to life---eternal life---while the other three leads to death.
Ok, here they are. In no particular order.
Choice #1 – The Yellow Brick Road
I’m opting to speak about this road first only because it is the most common. Ok, so envision you are at a crossroads and you’re looking in front of you. The choice is to either go to the right road or the left road. The yellow brick road is the left road. This is the road that is the most deceptive. In fact, I firmly believe that when you choose this road you have to bite the apple upon entering--lol. And you know the leader of this road makes that apple look reeeeal good.
This is the road that all the “good” folk choose. The movers and shakers, the ones who start the big foundations and give the big checks to the needy. This is the road that a lot who claim to be Christians are on. I call it the yellow brick road……..to emerald city. Cause it’s all hype. But when you get to the end you find out that oz is a fake. But this road is flashy. Perhaps folk on this road houses are displayed on MTV Cribs. Or maybe they are given reality shows that tell the story of their “blessed life”. This road of folk is driven off of the “American Dream”. It seems the way of life, but if you really open your eyes you can see what its really about. It’s a front.
The yellow brick road reminds me of Las Vegas. I’d traveled there back in the early nineties and was quite shock cause it wasn’t exactly what I thought. To be honest, I don’t even know what I was expecting, but whatever it was…..it wasn’t. The Vegas strip is nice and bright, but make the wrong turn and you are in the hood. The hood in the desert. Complete dryness—lol.
I believe the only good thing about the yellow brick road is that you do come to frequent crossroads. Or should I say, at least the crossroads in which you will see the hand of God and how He works. I’d like to believe these are signs of Him trying to get our attention to choose the right road. This is where the misconceptions come in. Cause folk grab a piece of success and think they have the fullness of God; His blessings and divine protection and assurance, but unfortunately they don’t. Cause they’re blind and don’t know no better. And so they keep choosing the left---the yellow brick road.
There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to destruction. –Psalm 14:12
Choice #2 – The Road to Nowhere
Lol. This is a silent choice. Nobody talks about this road, yet so many folk are stuck on it. In fact, is it really a road??? This is the point where you’re at the crossroads and you don’t move. You don’t go to the right or the left. You’re just stuck on stop. You watch everybody else, gossip and talk about everybody else, and complain about why you can’t proceed with your life like everybody else. Actually, some may call it “standing still”. But actually they’re comfortable being spectators.
This position I believe is where a lot of church folk are. They want the best of both worlds so much so that it cancels out life. They don’t move. The sad part is that they know EXACTLY what road to choose, but they don’t. Ain’t a whole lot to this……this point is just filled with purposeless folk just being spectators and existing. Totally disobedient to God.
I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of Egypt so that you would no longer be slaves to the Egyptians; I broke the bars of your yoke and enabled you to walk with heads held high.
" 'But if you will not listen to me and carry out all these commands, and if you reject my decrees and abhor my laws and fail to carry out all my commands and so violate my covenant, then I will do this to you: I will bring upon you sudden terror, wasting diseases and fever that will destroy your sight and drain away your life. You will plant seed in vain, because your enemies will eat it. I will set my face against you so that you will be defeated by your enemies; those who hate you will rule over you, and you will flee even when no one is pursuing you.
" 'If after all this you will not listen to me, I will punish you for your sins seven times over. I will break down your stubborn pride and make the sky above you like iron and the ground beneath you like bronze. Your strength will be spent in vain, because your soil will not yield its crops, nor will the trees of the land yield their fruit. --Leviticus 26:13-20
Choice #3 – The Road of Darkness
This is the spooky road. The road to darkness. This is the road in which we think all “demons and devils” choose. But I firmly believe that a lot of folk are traveling down this road and their spookiness is undercover---lol. Folk we see and converse with on a day-to-day.
If you’re standing at the crossroads and supposed to be making a choice to go left or right, the folks on this road don’t choose either, nor do they stand still. These folk walk backward. Back into darkness. Perhaps atheist or those who know the truth but have opted to serve their own flesh or cognitive beliefs. They’re all mentally and spiritually screwed up.
Furthermore, since they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, he gave them over to a depraved mind, to do what ought not to be done. –Romans 1:28
These folk on this road have outwardly rejected the knowledge and trueness of God and will try their best to prove their way. You may see these folk down on the Washington Mall marching for their cause---lol. They’re funny and they try to be intimidating. But they’re not. Especially when the other folk know with confidence that Jesus Christ has all power. But you know what the real funny thing is……folk who have chosen the yellow brick road, and those who have chosen the road to nowhere will too “pray” for these folk. Cause compared to these folk everybody else is saints.
Choice #4 – The Road to Eternal Life
Then there is the road to eternal life. Forget what you heard…..but this is the ONLY road that does not lead to hell. Bottomline. In fact, this is the road in which the Lord reveals that He indeed gives us choice. And when we think choosing the right road is a difficult decision…..He then gives us the answer!!! How cool is that!!!
I call heaven and earth as witnesses today against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore choose life, that both you and your descendants may live…. –Deuteronomy 30:19
If you are standing at the crossroads looking straight ahead, the road to eternal life sits to your right. At least that’s how I envision it. This road ain’t flashy, and may not be inviting. But if you stare at it long enough you’ll start to feel peace. Deep down we know this is the road to choose….cause we just know. Cause His Word says so. But we’ve heard so many “boring” stories about it and boring ain’t what we need in this stage of our lives--lol.
Ok, can I be honest today? Thanks---lol. Although Christ paid the ultimate price, this road will cost you something. Nobody wants to talk about the suffering and patience you have to endure on this road, but yes it will cost you something. I think that’s why most Christians choose the yellow brick road. Cause we think we're doing the right thing. But we can’t fool God. Either we commit or we don’t. Either we believe……..or we don’t. It’s that simple. But it will cost something. Just about every little thing that we’ve built up over the years in our own little might we gotta release when we choose the road to eternal life. Yeah, to walk down this road you may have to strip down to the bare essentials---lol.
I use myself as an example. I’ve known the Lord all my life. And I’ve served Him all my life. Ok, not all but most--lol. I was born and raised in the Pentecostal church. But it wasn’t until September 2007---yep not even a full two years ago---that I CHOSE the road to eternal life. To serve God with all of me. That is…..mind, body, and soul. And so my choices are no longer my choice cause I’ve made the initial choice at the crossroads to commit wholeheartedly to Him. I sold my soul to Christ. I repented and invited Him as my Lord and Savior. That means, God makes all of my life’s decisions---who I marry, befriend, career, etc. Not me. Yeah, yeah….I know we all like to think that God makes our decisions, but it’s much different on this road. On the other roads we make the decisions and “pray” that God will work a miracle around it---or not allow the devil to bust it up--lol. But the decisions on this road extend far past what we want and our personal desires. And it ain't always easy. This road is dedicated to fulfilling God’s purpose.
In addition to that, and most importantly, this road is about folk giving their lives as a living sacrifice to God. It’s a road of pure worship. In fact, at the start of this road while personal desires are forfeited we enter in with the expectation of seeing God’s face. The beauty and glory of God. Not just for a certain time span, but for eternity. We enter in expecting that God is going to do what His Word says. That’s what real faith is. Talk about FAITH. Entering this road is truly a walk of faith. So for those who are self-motivated and self-focused…….the road to eternal life will be a challenge--lol.
Ok, I’d be the first to admit that when I decided to commit to God I had no idea what to expect on this road. I call this road my “journey”. In early 2007, an acquaintance came to me and said….. “God could really use you in His kingdom.” Those were fighting words to me cause…….cause I KNEW God. But who I thought I knew didn’t add up to the quality of my life. So I started searching. Cause I wanted the peace and assurance that other true believers on this road were experiencing. Aside from that…….anything had to be better than the yellow brick road to emerald city I’d been traveling on. I’ve said this many times in previous entries that each time I earned a degree or gained an accomplishment I felt depressed and empty. Those were definitely my crossroad experiences. So in September 2007 when the final crossroads was presented to me, I said…… “this time I’ma try it God’s way.” And so I took a leap of faith and hopped onto the road to eternal life.
I’m a witness……choosing this road in the beginning seems dull and boring. But just when you’re at the point where you say…..Lord its just me and you……the benefits start flowing. And I mean, BOUNTIFUL benefits. To name all I’d have to start a new entry. But I will say that just the peace of God alone is enough to carry me through this lifetime. And you know what the funny thing is……because I’m focused on God’s face and not His hand, He’s taking care of my EVERY need. I’ve received multiple raises on my job in one year. Not to mention career advancements. Doors have been opening, folk just coming out of nowhere to help fulfill the mission and purpose in which the Lord has called me to do. It’s absolutely amazing. And if that's not enough......He's even fulfilled some of my heart's deepest desires. Cause I make it my mission to line my heart with His will.
Now let me clarify something……I ain’t here trying to preach perfection, nor am I trying to judge anybody. But the way the world is headed these days…….we need to know that we know that we know where we are headed. Bottomline. Just about every prophecy in the Bible is coming to pass. And that’s enough to make the right decision. So its your choice.
I guess some may ask…..how do you know the yellow brick road folk, from the road to nowhere folk, from the road to darkness folk, from the road to eternal life folk. Well, according to the Word of God:
“No good tree bears bad fruit, nor does a bad tree bear good fruit. Each tree is recognized by its own fruit. People do not pick figs from thorn bushes, or grapes from briers. The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks.
“Why do you call me, ‘Lord, Lord,‘ and do not do what I say? I will show you what he is like who comes to me and hears my words and puts them into practice. He is like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built. But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. The moment the torrent struck that house, it collapsed and its destruction was complete. --Luke 6:43-49
Saturday, June 6, 2009
Israel Houghton | Just Wanna' Say | Music Video
Can I just say that I've been blasting this song in my car all week. Israel Houghton, my Spritual buddy, know he bad--lol!!! Aside from the banging beat (you know I luuvs live music), the message is AWESOME!! I felt the need to share....so here it is!!!
I was young and now I am old, yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken or their children begging bread. --Psalm 37:25
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Window with a View
(Deep Breath). Wow. What a great day. I had my annual physical this morning, and though it was a little hectic making it to my doctor's office through traffic I so needed the change in routine. The last three days have been sooo out of the norm for me. Usually I’m upbeat and always have an encouraging word for others. But this week……I just wasn’t feeling it. At all.
I’m telling you……this week I had it bad. My Monday started off with the blues. And by Tuesday I just didn’t want to get out the bed. So I didn’t. I don’t even think I called in. I just didn’t go to work. By Tuesday night I started mentally preparing myself to make it in to the office on Wednesday. I think I can go a good 24 hours with “the heck with it all” attitude, but give me more than a full day and it all starts pressing down on me. So even if I didn’t feel like going, yesterday I knew it was best to make my way into work--lol. You know what the funny thing is…….I don’t even know the cause of my funky mood. I mean, nothing happened out of the ordinary that made me feel so melancholy. I just woke up on Monday in such a dull womp womp mood.
Over the last few weeks I’ve been feeling really strange. Like a separation from the Lord. Not that He’s left me, but perhaps I've drifted somewhere. I HATE feeling this way. I mean, all hell could break loose, but as long as I have the joy of the Lord I’m good. But lately, I haven’t felt that joy. Sooo unlike me. Cause I’m ALWAYS upbeat. I’m always the happy go lucky one. I’m known to turn lemons into lemonade. And I can always find the silver lining behind a cloud. But not this week. My girlfriend called me on Tuesday with some “news” and I think I gave her some bad advice. Please forgive me, E. Count it to my head and not to my heart—lol.
Yesterday when I got to work I felt better. Between “work” and chatting with a few girlfriends I was good. Then, I did my usual…..went to the gym. Working out always makes me feel better. Somehow the physical knows how to have a conversation with the mental, and so when the two of them hook up in the gym it usually produces some type of chemical reaction that accelerates me for a few days. An hour or so in my workout I got it. But not the normal chemical reaction thingy. Yesterday, I got a reality check that put me back to where I needed to be.
My office building’s gym is really nice. It’s small but quaint. It has these floor to ceiling windows that overlooks L’Enfant Plaza (ok—somewhat), I mean you can see parts of the plaza, but more of the people coming and going to the metro. So as I was walking on the treadmill I saw that the clouds were getting really dark. I knew the forecast had called for a thunderstorm and flooding, but that wasn't suppose to happen until after I got home. At least that’s what I was hoping—lol.
Just as I was finishing up my session it started to look really ugly out. Me and the girls (my workout buddies) just stood for a minute or two in the window amazed at the scene outside. Then we heard the booms and saw a few lightening strikes. At first I was gonna chance it, but then I thought there was NO WAY I could make it even across the street to the metro without getting soaked or even struck by lightening. So I did what my body did not want to do. I climbed back on the treadmill and walked “indefinitely” at a slow 3.0 pace. As I did my cool down walk, I mentally planned my weekend.
Then I got a huge reality check.
It was if God had placed me in front of that window at the right time. What I saw choked me up. To the average “treadmiller” it probably wouldn’t phase. And to be honest at any other time in my life I’d probably joke with the girls about it and move on with life. But last night I had a different reaction.
Ok, I told you that it was storming some kinda bad out, right. Well, it was so bad that the wind was blowing the rain as if it were a hurricane. Seriously, it looked like a hurricane out. And other than the car headlights I couldn’t see anything. Nobody in their right mind was out. It didn't matter if it was way past working hours. Nobody was leaving the building. And as I said, me and the girls knew it would be our best bet to get some extra time in instead of weathering the storm.
But out of nowhere, this heavyset woman was running down the street with no umbrella, no jacket, no hat, no protection just her two tote bags clutched tightly to her sides. I’m sure if she was a little smaller she could pick up her pace. But it didn't really matter cause I'm sure she got drenched when she opened the door to walk out. Extra weight, soaked dress, hair matted to her face and all, she was running through the storm. She was determined to make it to her destination. I imagined she had to make it to her toddler’s daycare by a certain time or she’d be charged extra. Or perhaps she was trying to catch the last bus out of a station at the end of the line. Or maybe she was stuck in one of those abusive relationships where her mate demanded she be home by a certain time. Whatever the reason, it was clear that she needed to be somewhere extremely important.
As the woman was running, she tried to shield her face with her freer arm, but it looked as if the rain was filling up in her bag. Then something fell out causing her stop smack dab in her private puddle to bend down. At this point, I know she was crying but how could I tell. The rain was getting the best of her, but she was fighting back. Cause I could see her clearly through that big window. I watched until she got to the metro door. Then I thought about that darn air conditioner metro keeps on over blast hitting the woman’s wet body.
Then I choke up some more.
I thought about my selfishness over the last few days. And how I’ve been in a melancholy mood……for nothing. I mean, I have NOTHING to be upset about. I don’t have to rush home to nobody. My time and my money are mine. If I choose to do one thing, but change my mind at the very last minute…..it’s ok. Cause I got flexibility on my side. I can jump in my car and drive anywhere in the U.S. that I want. Or hop on a flight to an exotic island on a day's notice. I’m not obligated, nor do I have to operate out of obligation. I’m free to do ME, at the discretion of ME. After doing a quick overview of my life, I knew the Lord had planned this to get my attention.
When I got home, after watching my favorite political couple….the Obamas, I turned on TBN and caught Alvin Slaughter and his son Shawn being interviewed by CeCe Winans. I luuuv the Slaughters (hey Gloria!!!). They’re testimony has been such an inspiration to me over the last few years. And so Alvin was talking about what true worship means. And what he said was that worship is the pursuit of being one with God. It was as if the Lord was speaking directly to me cause I felt it. And I received it. After just opening myself to the Lord, I couldn’t even watch television any longer. Cause I wanted to be one with Him. And so I drifted off and woke up to worship.
As I was sitting in the doctor’s office this morning, looking out of the huge picture window overlooking the metropolitan area, I just began thanking God. Israel and New Breed’s Every Prayer with Mary Mary kept ringing in my ears. As I silently sang what has become my favorite song of the summer, I couldn’t help but to think about how good it feels to be back in the Lord’s presence. At one point I thought long and hard about what made me drift---mentally/emotionally drift---but then it didn’t really matter. Cause I'm back in His presence. And so my thoughts went back to being one with Him. And then I heard my name called………. “Ms. Morris!!”
If the LORD delights in a man’s way, he makes his steps firm; though he stumble, he will not fall, for the LORD upholds him with his hand. --Psalm 37:23-24
I’m telling you……this week I had it bad. My Monday started off with the blues. And by Tuesday I just didn’t want to get out the bed. So I didn’t. I don’t even think I called in. I just didn’t go to work. By Tuesday night I started mentally preparing myself to make it in to the office on Wednesday. I think I can go a good 24 hours with “the heck with it all” attitude, but give me more than a full day and it all starts pressing down on me. So even if I didn’t feel like going, yesterday I knew it was best to make my way into work--lol. You know what the funny thing is…….I don’t even know the cause of my funky mood. I mean, nothing happened out of the ordinary that made me feel so melancholy. I just woke up on Monday in such a dull womp womp mood.
Over the last few weeks I’ve been feeling really strange. Like a separation from the Lord. Not that He’s left me, but perhaps I've drifted somewhere. I HATE feeling this way. I mean, all hell could break loose, but as long as I have the joy of the Lord I’m good. But lately, I haven’t felt that joy. Sooo unlike me. Cause I’m ALWAYS upbeat. I’m always the happy go lucky one. I’m known to turn lemons into lemonade. And I can always find the silver lining behind a cloud. But not this week. My girlfriend called me on Tuesday with some “news” and I think I gave her some bad advice. Please forgive me, E. Count it to my head and not to my heart—lol.
Yesterday when I got to work I felt better. Between “work” and chatting with a few girlfriends I was good. Then, I did my usual…..went to the gym. Working out always makes me feel better. Somehow the physical knows how to have a conversation with the mental, and so when the two of them hook up in the gym it usually produces some type of chemical reaction that accelerates me for a few days. An hour or so in my workout I got it. But not the normal chemical reaction thingy. Yesterday, I got a reality check that put me back to where I needed to be.
My office building’s gym is really nice. It’s small but quaint. It has these floor to ceiling windows that overlooks L’Enfant Plaza (ok—somewhat), I mean you can see parts of the plaza, but more of the people coming and going to the metro. So as I was walking on the treadmill I saw that the clouds were getting really dark. I knew the forecast had called for a thunderstorm and flooding, but that wasn't suppose to happen until after I got home. At least that’s what I was hoping—lol.
Just as I was finishing up my session it started to look really ugly out. Me and the girls (my workout buddies) just stood for a minute or two in the window amazed at the scene outside. Then we heard the booms and saw a few lightening strikes. At first I was gonna chance it, but then I thought there was NO WAY I could make it even across the street to the metro without getting soaked or even struck by lightening. So I did what my body did not want to do. I climbed back on the treadmill and walked “indefinitely” at a slow 3.0 pace. As I did my cool down walk, I mentally planned my weekend.
Then I got a huge reality check.
It was if God had placed me in front of that window at the right time. What I saw choked me up. To the average “treadmiller” it probably wouldn’t phase. And to be honest at any other time in my life I’d probably joke with the girls about it and move on with life. But last night I had a different reaction.
Ok, I told you that it was storming some kinda bad out, right. Well, it was so bad that the wind was blowing the rain as if it were a hurricane. Seriously, it looked like a hurricane out. And other than the car headlights I couldn’t see anything. Nobody in their right mind was out. It didn't matter if it was way past working hours. Nobody was leaving the building. And as I said, me and the girls knew it would be our best bet to get some extra time in instead of weathering the storm.
But out of nowhere, this heavyset woman was running down the street with no umbrella, no jacket, no hat, no protection just her two tote bags clutched tightly to her sides. I’m sure if she was a little smaller she could pick up her pace. But it didn't really matter cause I'm sure she got drenched when she opened the door to walk out. Extra weight, soaked dress, hair matted to her face and all, she was running through the storm. She was determined to make it to her destination. I imagined she had to make it to her toddler’s daycare by a certain time or she’d be charged extra. Or perhaps she was trying to catch the last bus out of a station at the end of the line. Or maybe she was stuck in one of those abusive relationships where her mate demanded she be home by a certain time. Whatever the reason, it was clear that she needed to be somewhere extremely important.
As the woman was running, she tried to shield her face with her freer arm, but it looked as if the rain was filling up in her bag. Then something fell out causing her stop smack dab in her private puddle to bend down. At this point, I know she was crying but how could I tell. The rain was getting the best of her, but she was fighting back. Cause I could see her clearly through that big window. I watched until she got to the metro door. Then I thought about that darn air conditioner metro keeps on over blast hitting the woman’s wet body.
Then I choke up some more.
I thought about my selfishness over the last few days. And how I’ve been in a melancholy mood……for nothing. I mean, I have NOTHING to be upset about. I don’t have to rush home to nobody. My time and my money are mine. If I choose to do one thing, but change my mind at the very last minute…..it’s ok. Cause I got flexibility on my side. I can jump in my car and drive anywhere in the U.S. that I want. Or hop on a flight to an exotic island on a day's notice. I’m not obligated, nor do I have to operate out of obligation. I’m free to do ME, at the discretion of ME. After doing a quick overview of my life, I knew the Lord had planned this to get my attention.
When I got home, after watching my favorite political couple….the Obamas, I turned on TBN and caught Alvin Slaughter and his son Shawn being interviewed by CeCe Winans. I luuuv the Slaughters (hey Gloria!!!). They’re testimony has been such an inspiration to me over the last few years. And so Alvin was talking about what true worship means. And what he said was that worship is the pursuit of being one with God. It was as if the Lord was speaking directly to me cause I felt it. And I received it. After just opening myself to the Lord, I couldn’t even watch television any longer. Cause I wanted to be one with Him. And so I drifted off and woke up to worship.
As I was sitting in the doctor’s office this morning, looking out of the huge picture window overlooking the metropolitan area, I just began thanking God. Israel and New Breed’s Every Prayer with Mary Mary kept ringing in my ears. As I silently sang what has become my favorite song of the summer, I couldn’t help but to think about how good it feels to be back in the Lord’s presence. At one point I thought long and hard about what made me drift---mentally/emotionally drift---but then it didn’t really matter. Cause I'm back in His presence. And so my thoughts went back to being one with Him. And then I heard my name called………. “Ms. Morris!!”
If the LORD delights in a man’s way, he makes his steps firm; though he stumble, he will not fall, for the LORD upholds him with his hand. --Psalm 37:23-24
Monday, June 1, 2009
In Search of.........
It is one of those Mondays----VERY BLUESY. I was a half an excuse away from calling in. I’m in one of those moods. I need to be replenished, didn’t get it over the weekend, and so I feel like crawling up under a rock. I’m telling you……..had it been a cloudy and/or foggy morning I would be at home right now. In my bed. But since I hate being home on a beautiful day…………I’m here.
So you know since I dragged myself in here I feel a mess. I threw on the first thing I saw and had determined before I got out the bed that my hair was gonna be pulled back in a headband. Did I mention that I didn’t want to come to work today? Ok, just checking--lol. I guess you can tell that I ain’t retaining too much either. That’s where I’m at these days. Like I have stopped on the side of my journey and have taken a seat beside a nice big rock. Just chilling. Purposeless. One part of me says that I don’t know how much further I gotta go before I see the broadway lights, and the other part says……don’t think about it just keep walking. I’m leaning more to the “just keep walking” advice, but sometimes it feels like I just need to rest. Like I just need time to stand still for a couple hours (or days) so that I can get my barrens together. To just be.
The last few weeks have been a little weird. I feel a little disconnected from God. I mean, I still do the daily of praying and worshipping, but the zest and zeal feels like its fading. If I am allowed to equate, I’d think it’s the same feeling married couples get after the honeymoon is over. I hear couples talk about it all the time. And no offense, but I don’t want that. Not in my marriage or with my relationship with the Lord. I want it to be the honeymoon ALWAYS. I don't know. Maybe it just can’t be pleasure always. Umph. Maybe because we're human.
Anyway, as much as I may feel a little distance, I know the Lord ain’t gone nowhere. First, because His Word says that He would never leave me nor forsake me. And so if He left me, His Word would be a lie. And I KNOW that His Word cannot lie. It is absolutely impossible for God to lie. And then second, just like clockwork the Lord reminded me that He was with me by giving me a revelations this morning. So He ain’t gone nowhere. Maybe its me who’s done the distancing. Definintely not my intentions since I HATE being out of the presence of the Lord.
Ok, so I was getting ready for work this morning. Had just gotten out the shower, threw on my clothes, and then had taken off my scarf to unwrap my hair to pull back in a headband. Just when I pulled the scarf off, I do as I normally do when I’m in one of those “pull your hair back” moods…..I pulled my top hair supplies draw out to get the headband. NO headband. For a second I stood still thinking that it’s probably in another drawer. I stood still cause anybody who knows me know that I am PRECISE. I know where EVERYTHING is. Everything in my house has a place. And even when my house is in its “pre-cleaning” state, all my stuff is where it supposed to be. At least that’s what I thought.
So I went through all the drawers in the bathroom, but still no headband. Then I looked under the sink where all my hair products are, but still no headband. By this time I was getting a little teed and was ready to pick up the phone to leave a message for my boss. I definitely wasn't in the mood to deal with this. But then I thought………MY GYM BAG!!! So I ran in the room and dumped everything out of the bag cause it had to be for sure in there. For a brief moment I tried to make myself believe that last week I wore the headband, but took it off when I went to the gym. But to my dismay, no headband.
I was so baffled. I couldn’t for the life of me remember when I’d last worn the headband. And at this point, I was looking waaay before today and started reminiscing on how long I’ve had that headband. My favorite one. I actually bought it about five years ago after my niece was playing with my other favorite one and broke it. I have many other hair accessories, including an assortment of headbands, but this one is my absolute favorite. Can’t explain it……it just is.
Realizing that I was spending way too much time on my search, I decided to chalk it up and wear another headband. I tried on a few and settled on one that matched my outfit, but didn’t give me the support as…….my favorite headband. I mean, not to keep bringing it up……but my favorite headband fits my head like a glove. I have a lot of hair, so it gives my hair the support it needs so that it won’t blow in my face or tangle up. It handles my hair perfectly.
When I was just about dressed, had decided on the other headband, and was putting on my shoes….I was on my way into the kitchen to make my protein shake when I got that unsettling feeling. I wanted my darn headband and had decided that I wasn’t leaving the house until I found it. I have to be honest, the headband I had on looked nicer, but deep down it just wasn’t what I wanted. Or needed.
So I went back in the bathroom and began pulling all the drawers out again. I was pulling out all kind of junk that I had no idea I bought but never used. But it was getting late, and I still hadn’t made my shake, nor had put my gym clothes back in the bag that I ransacked. But I was determined to find my headband. Cause I knew that it had to be in that darn bathroom. You know how you KNOW something. That’s what kept going through my head. And so I was determined to find it.
After I had pulled all the drawers out and apart, I pulled the wicker chest from the wall. And whataya know……….I found the headband. It obviously had fallen behind the chest the last time I’d taken it off. Who knows and who cares…….I found it and immediately yanked off the other one and put on my favorite one. And then I felt soooo much better. I didn’t even have time to make my shake, but for some reason I was satisfied. Content. Pleased.
When I was walking out the door, praying over my doorway as I usually do, the Lord reminded me that if I search I will find. That there is no good thing He will withhold from me if I walk upright before Him. That little black, plastic headband reminded me of the thirst I have for the Lord……not being able to replace His presence with NOTHING. And that sometimes I try to put other things in His place that seems good, but it’s just a counterfeit. I was reminded that there’s nothing like the real thing that knows me, and knows what I need no matter how much of a shambles my issues are. The Lord knows how to handle it.
As soon as I got on the train I was out. It was as if I was in my bed. I was that tired. I kept feeling my head bobble, but I didn’t care cause I was glad that I’d made the effort to even make it in to the office. When I got to my stop, my head yanked up cause I realized it was time to make it through the crowd. I was feeling a mess so I knew I had to look just as bad as I felt. But as I was making it off the train, I was able to take a quick glance at my reflection in the window. Oddly, though my eyes looked a little dreary, my hair was still neatly in place thanks to my headband. Seeing my reflection was as if a voice had whispered to me and said……..I got you, Jill. I got you.
Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you. --Psalm 9:10
So you know since I dragged myself in here I feel a mess. I threw on the first thing I saw and had determined before I got out the bed that my hair was gonna be pulled back in a headband. Did I mention that I didn’t want to come to work today? Ok, just checking--lol. I guess you can tell that I ain’t retaining too much either. That’s where I’m at these days. Like I have stopped on the side of my journey and have taken a seat beside a nice big rock. Just chilling. Purposeless. One part of me says that I don’t know how much further I gotta go before I see the broadway lights, and the other part says……don’t think about it just keep walking. I’m leaning more to the “just keep walking” advice, but sometimes it feels like I just need to rest. Like I just need time to stand still for a couple hours (or days) so that I can get my barrens together. To just be.
The last few weeks have been a little weird. I feel a little disconnected from God. I mean, I still do the daily of praying and worshipping, but the zest and zeal feels like its fading. If I am allowed to equate, I’d think it’s the same feeling married couples get after the honeymoon is over. I hear couples talk about it all the time. And no offense, but I don’t want that. Not in my marriage or with my relationship with the Lord. I want it to be the honeymoon ALWAYS. I don't know. Maybe it just can’t be pleasure always. Umph. Maybe because we're human.
Anyway, as much as I may feel a little distance, I know the Lord ain’t gone nowhere. First, because His Word says that He would never leave me nor forsake me. And so if He left me, His Word would be a lie. And I KNOW that His Word cannot lie. It is absolutely impossible for God to lie. And then second, just like clockwork the Lord reminded me that He was with me by giving me a revelations this morning. So He ain’t gone nowhere. Maybe its me who’s done the distancing. Definintely not my intentions since I HATE being out of the presence of the Lord.
Ok, so I was getting ready for work this morning. Had just gotten out the shower, threw on my clothes, and then had taken off my scarf to unwrap my hair to pull back in a headband. Just when I pulled the scarf off, I do as I normally do when I’m in one of those “pull your hair back” moods…..I pulled my top hair supplies draw out to get the headband. NO headband. For a second I stood still thinking that it’s probably in another drawer. I stood still cause anybody who knows me know that I am PRECISE. I know where EVERYTHING is. Everything in my house has a place. And even when my house is in its “pre-cleaning” state, all my stuff is where it supposed to be. At least that’s what I thought.
So I went through all the drawers in the bathroom, but still no headband. Then I looked under the sink where all my hair products are, but still no headband. By this time I was getting a little teed and was ready to pick up the phone to leave a message for my boss. I definitely wasn't in the mood to deal with this. But then I thought………MY GYM BAG!!! So I ran in the room and dumped everything out of the bag cause it had to be for sure in there. For a brief moment I tried to make myself believe that last week I wore the headband, but took it off when I went to the gym. But to my dismay, no headband.
I was so baffled. I couldn’t for the life of me remember when I’d last worn the headband. And at this point, I was looking waaay before today and started reminiscing on how long I’ve had that headband. My favorite one. I actually bought it about five years ago after my niece was playing with my other favorite one and broke it. I have many other hair accessories, including an assortment of headbands, but this one is my absolute favorite. Can’t explain it……it just is.
Realizing that I was spending way too much time on my search, I decided to chalk it up and wear another headband. I tried on a few and settled on one that matched my outfit, but didn’t give me the support as…….my favorite headband. I mean, not to keep bringing it up……but my favorite headband fits my head like a glove. I have a lot of hair, so it gives my hair the support it needs so that it won’t blow in my face or tangle up. It handles my hair perfectly.
When I was just about dressed, had decided on the other headband, and was putting on my shoes….I was on my way into the kitchen to make my protein shake when I got that unsettling feeling. I wanted my darn headband and had decided that I wasn’t leaving the house until I found it. I have to be honest, the headband I had on looked nicer, but deep down it just wasn’t what I wanted. Or needed.
So I went back in the bathroom and began pulling all the drawers out again. I was pulling out all kind of junk that I had no idea I bought but never used. But it was getting late, and I still hadn’t made my shake, nor had put my gym clothes back in the bag that I ransacked. But I was determined to find my headband. Cause I knew that it had to be in that darn bathroom. You know how you KNOW something. That’s what kept going through my head. And so I was determined to find it.
After I had pulled all the drawers out and apart, I pulled the wicker chest from the wall. And whataya know……….I found the headband. It obviously had fallen behind the chest the last time I’d taken it off. Who knows and who cares…….I found it and immediately yanked off the other one and put on my favorite one. And then I felt soooo much better. I didn’t even have time to make my shake, but for some reason I was satisfied. Content. Pleased.
When I was walking out the door, praying over my doorway as I usually do, the Lord reminded me that if I search I will find. That there is no good thing He will withhold from me if I walk upright before Him. That little black, plastic headband reminded me of the thirst I have for the Lord……not being able to replace His presence with NOTHING. And that sometimes I try to put other things in His place that seems good, but it’s just a counterfeit. I was reminded that there’s nothing like the real thing that knows me, and knows what I need no matter how much of a shambles my issues are. The Lord knows how to handle it.
As soon as I got on the train I was out. It was as if I was in my bed. I was that tired. I kept feeling my head bobble, but I didn’t care cause I was glad that I’d made the effort to even make it in to the office. When I got to my stop, my head yanked up cause I realized it was time to make it through the crowd. I was feeling a mess so I knew I had to look just as bad as I felt. But as I was making it off the train, I was able to take a quick glance at my reflection in the window. Oddly, though my eyes looked a little dreary, my hair was still neatly in place thanks to my headband. Seeing my reflection was as if a voice had whispered to me and said……..I got you, Jill. I got you.
Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you. --Psalm 9:10
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