NEVER!!

My God NEVER ceases to amaze me. You know what….its in the smallest situations that the Lord speaks loudest to me. I’m telling you, umph.

Ok, a couple of weeks ago I went through this mass dump of jewelry and perfume that had been given to me by folk I am no longer connected to. I haven’t cut too many people from my life recently, cause I’m learning how to deal with folk and their issues, and mine as well. Really I am—lol. But over the last few years there were some folk who came in my life that started wreaking havoc in the spiritual realm. I mean, on the surface things were good. But there was a quiet feud that didn’t sit well in my Spirit. Soooo…..I had to cut the ties. Anyway, a few of these folk had given me gifts over the course of the friendship/relationship that had created an unspoken covenant. All too often we receive gifts with gratitude and keep on keeping on. But………after hearing my pastor speaking about soul ties, and using things to solidify the covenant, I decided to clean house.

About a month ago I discarded my favorite pair of silver hoops. Yep, I took them out my ear and dumped them in the waste paper basket in my bathroom. An older lady at the office had given them to me I think for my birthday or Christmas, can’t remember. But not only did she give me those pair, she gave me five pair of hoops. She knows that I don’t wear a lot of jewelry, but she knows that I love silver hoops. So over the years she has literally spoiled me with jewelry, and all kinds of other stuff. I use to call her my fairy godmother (lol).

Anyway, a couple of days after I dumped my favorite pair of earrings I was going through my jewelry box trying to find a pair to wear to work. The only ones I could find were the other five pair she had given me. At first I was like.......look, I don’t have no earrings to wear and soul ties or not, I need to wear a pair of these earrings. But something in my Spirit just wouldn’t let me put them on. So I did another act against my flesh I dumped all five pair of earrings in the big garbage can in the kitchen.

This was a very bold move for me. Cause I don’t like giving away my last. I’m just being honest. I don’t. Ok, it wasn’t like I didn’t have ANY earrings to wear, but not just what I wanted to wear. I ain’t really into the gold hoops like I was back in the nineties---my jewelry box is full of those---I wanted my silver hoops. Period. But didn’t have any. At first I wanted to talk myself into thinking that I was crazy for dumping “gifts”, but dumping brought a release that I can’t explain. I know without a shadow of a doubt that hearing my pastor’s message was the push I needed to completely cut myself from ungodly ties. Anyway, for the last few weeks I’ve been rotating some costume jewelry---UGH---cause the silver hoops I want from Tiffany’s ain’t in a sistah’s budget right now. And as far as I can see……I don’t see them in the future budget, either—lol.

Ok, let me switch gears here. I promise you that it will all tie together—lol.

(Deep breath). Over the last year [my friend] has been really dealing with me about this tithes and offerings thing. I grew up in the pentecostal church, I know all too well about the misdealings of tithes and offerings, and so I was really burnt out about it for years. Seriously. But when me and [my friend] first met he spoke boldly that he was a proud tithes payer. For a long time when he’d mention something about paying tithes in the back of my mind I’d be like…….uhhhhh, dude you can afford to pay yours and mine, and I suggest you do that cause I ain’t getting caught up in it. I just didn’t want to hear it witnessing the schemes of greedy church leaders.

But then one day we had the “finances” talk. I knew it was coming. My girlfriend always joke---knowing my $100,000 worth of student loans---saying, “umm, are you gonna tell him that he’s in debt BEFORE you get married or AFTER?”—lol. It’s a running joke. But we had the talk and I gave it to him straight. Ain’t no need to hold back now. I let him know that I got a little caught up in living like I sold a piece of real estate every month, but now that the market has crashed; ummmm…….I’m robbing peter to pay paul. I was straight up with him. He took a deep breath and told me something that has had a positive impact on my life ever since. He simply said......you can’t call yourself a Christian and not pay tithes. And so I humbled myself and listened to daddy--lol.

Then he explained that although paying tithes and offerings are Spiritual acts they are too a mental act. He told me that when you know you have to pay ties (10% of your income) your mind adjusts your finances accordingly because you have subjected your mind to the Spirit of God. And when one submits their being to God He has to move in the situation. Cause His Word says so. He dared me to try it. He told me that he guaranteed that within one month I wouldn’t be stressed out about my finances if I acted out of a pure heart.

Ok, let me say something. I’m not one of those people who is scared into paying tithes and offerings. I don’t fall for the “you are cursed if you don’t pay your tithes” cause I know that I am no longer under the curse, but under God’s grace. But I give purely from my heart. When I am led to give. And so for the last couple of years that’s how I’ve been living my spiritual life---giving as I’m led to. I hadn’t been led to pay tithes, for whatever reason, and so I didn’t.

One of the benefits of attending a big church is that you get lost in the congregation. If I don’t go one Sunday nobody notices. And if I don’t give, my little piece of change is just a drop in the pacific, so it probably doesn’t really count anyway. But since joining my new church, a very small in size church and new ministry, well your attendance and giving is noticed. Still I wasn’t moved. Cause nobody controls my finances but ME. For the first few months I heard the tithes and offerings messages, and I listened. As my mother often say......“you have to learn how to chew the meat and spit out the bones.” And so I took the parts that pertained to me and discarded the rest. Cause again, nobody controls my money but ME.

But then one day the Lord spoke to my heart and allowed me to see this new ministry and how my tithes and offerings could really have an impact on the church. Still, I felt that I had too many bills. I mean, I could give a nice offering every Sunday, but 10% of my income every month, uuuuuh NOT. Still feeling very resistant, but at the same time a tug at my heart I sat down on the sofa one evening and really analyzed my finances. I really wanted to see if I could make it work. Ok, let me just say this……10% of my income a month is almost equivalent to my car note. And we ain’t talking about a Ford Focus note, either--lol.

Anyway, so for hours I was juggling stuff around and trying to see where I could do without some things and reduce others. I didn’t realize until recently that this was a faith move. But as I was analyzing my finances I remembered that I had a savings account where a very small amount of my paycheck was going into. I had never touched it since I opened it about five years ago. So I went online and checked the balance and couldn’t believe the balance. So what I did was those bills that I could pay off or up for the rest of the year I did so from that account. After I finished doing all of that I not only had enough money to pay my tithes bi-weekly, but I had extra money left over to splurge a little.

For weeks I was walking around like…..WOW!!! I finally was at a place where I didn’t feel overwhelmed with my finances. And really, my whole purpose was because I wanted to sow into my church. Gotta be honest, if it was a mega ministry and the pastor was driving a Maybach or a Phantom, ummmm don’t think so. But because my pastor and the first lady don’t seem to be concerned with material gain, don’t have negative—greedy motives, and because I feel in my Spirit that they have given up a lot to be obedient to the Lord’s command, I felt the least I could do was help support the ministry financially. That’s the least I could do. So to juggle my personal finances to support the ministry was purely from my heart. I wasn’t trying to reap nothing, just trying to support the ministry that has contributed signficantly to my Spiritual growth.

But then something happened.

A few days after I had given my first tithes, I received a bonus at work. Had never received this honor before--lol. I mean, I've worked my butt off for this program for the last 9 years....why recognize my worth now--lol. But I was commended for effectively managing my program and was told that I had the highest performance rating amongst 32 staff. With that bonus I was able to pay off my braces which relieved me from an extra monthly expense. Days after that, I checked my account and noticed that my paycheck was $162 more than normal. I called personnel to inquire and they told me that they had miscalculated my pay increase FROM LAST YEAR, and had made the adjustment plus was giving me retro pay. At this point, I was like……c’mon Lord you joking right---lol.

This morning as I was getting ready to leave out the door I remembered that I needed to get my spare key because I was driving in and parking in the office garage. So as I was fumbling through my nightstand drawer, in which I rarely go in, something popped out at me. It was a little cardboard jewelry box. At first I was gonna ignore it cause I was---a little late---but I decided to open it anyway. Would you believe that there was not one pair, but TWO pair of silver hoops in the box. They weren’t new, but I can’t for the life of me remember where they came from, or who gave them to me, or if I bought them for myself. What’s funny is that I NEVER put jewelry in or on my nightstand. When I walk through my front door I start stripping and one of my first stops is at my jewelry box on my dresser. I’m still sitting here baffled. I have no clue where those earrings came from so I’m just gonna believe that the Lord placed them there. Though small, it was as if the Lord had whispered in my ear…… “I got you.”

I’m a living witness that when you release in obedience the Lord will give back to you. I’m learning that sowing/reaping is not just a natural law, but a Spiritual one. When you give with good intentions and motives, oh He will make provisions. And not that I needed proof cause my walk with the Lord is a faith walk. If He tells me to give I’m acting out of obedience. Period. If He never gives back…I’m still good. Cause I’ve decided to submit to His perfect will no matter what it costs me. But He gave back ANYWAY. Cause His Word don’t lie.

“Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this,” says the LORD Almighty, “and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it.” –Malachi 3:10

Emotions Make You Cry Sometimes

Church was AWESOME today!!! Actually it always is. You know why I love my church, because our leadership knows how to disrupt our personal agendas. No, no. We don’t get those soothing….. “It’s gonna be alright after while” or “Here are the 10 steps to fulfilling destiny” messages. NOPE. We get the “fall on your face and surrender your mess to God and then sit your butt down and learn how to submit to God’s authority--in Jesus Name” messages. LOL. Seriously.

My pastor ain’t concerned with the new wave of the churches these days---the fad churches. He makes it clear that until we are broken we cannot fulfill God’s purpose for our lives. Cause any ministry coming out of an unbroken vessel is operating out of self-motives. I love it. Cause I was thirsting for a church of accountability. Leadership that ain't gonna let me just run with my bright ideas just cause I have gifts and talents that are in full operation outside of the church. Nope. Christ told me to drop it and follow Him. However He chooses to use my gifts and talents is purely up to Him and His timing. But right now……..I’m seeking His face. Not His hand, HIS FACE! Cause I want His perfect will, not His permissive will. I’m tired of doing things my way. Cause my way don’t work. But I’m understanding that to fully surrender to God and allow Him full reign over my life will cost my flesh something. And it doesn’t always feel good.

Which brings me right into my thoughts tonight. Feelings. Emotions. I remember years ago my cousin use to run this song by the 90’s R&B boy band H-Town called Emotions. The lyrics went: “Emotions make you cry sometimes, emotions make you sad sometimes, emotions make you glad sometimes, but most of all they make you fall in love.” One time at a family function I caught him sitting by the lake alone blasting this song while shedding a tear. It seemed strange from a person, a grown 20-something year old man, who seemed to have everything all under control. But witnessing that made me know that everybody has feelings.

(Deep breath). Where in the world do I start without “revealing” too much--lol. No, no…some things are not for everybody’s ear--lol. Anyway, this week has been a week of emotional stories. Ok, it ain’t no secret that everybody cries. And it definitely ain’t no secret that even the strong ones get our feelings hurt. But I’m just thinking that a lot of heartache and headache can be avoided if we stop acting and reacting out of our emotions.

I had a conversation with one of my girlfriends over the weekend…….about men. You know how us single women do---lol. We lay it down! Anyway, we both came to the realization that a man that operates solely out of his emotions is a dangerous thing. We both knew this, but this weekend we took some time to discuss it at length--lol. Over the last few years the Lord has revealed to me that a lot can be determined by examining a man's feelings toward his ex. If a man has bitterness, hatred, and hostility towards his ex…….that’s a huge red flag. Especially when children are involved. Cause those are uncontrollable, undealtwith feelings that will be brought into new relationships. So our conversation was basically that we refuse to settle for a man that God has not approved. PERIOD. And that goes for both emotions rubbing us the right way or wrong way. Period. But when a man has anger management issues that can potentially turn into violence, uuummmm, that clearly is not a man of God. And we’re not accepting that same ole tired line…… “every relationship has problems.” Ummmmm, NOT. Call me after deliverance has taken place. As a matter of fact, I’ll call you when I see the change. And that’s only if the Lord directs.

Then I was having a conversation with another girlfriend and she flat out told me, “Jill my entire life is driven by my emotions.” She said she is trying so hard to break this norm in her life, but she’s finding it to be extremely difficult, which in turn makes her give up trying. Cause she’s driven by emotions. Whatever feels right she does and whatever feels wrong, she doesn’t do. The problem is…..usually what’s right she doesn’t do, and what’s wrong….she does. She’s admitted that her life has been in shambles, as well as a life of paranoia, because of being driven by emotions.

This is such a miserable way to live because you’ll accomplish nothing. I have a colleague that doesn’t come to work if its raining. Not because she’s elderly or don’t have windshield wipers. But because the rain makes her in a somber mood and its best for her to stay home instead of womp womping the office. Then I have another colleague who uses a big light device in her office because of her depression. If the bulb dies out then we’re all in trouble. But to make it easier on her emotions, her boss allows her to work from home in the fall when time goes back just so that she doesn’t fall into a depression at work.

I had a conversation with [my friend] about being led by emotions months ago and he put it so plain. He said that the best way to break emotional patterns is to pump the Word of God all day long. Once you know the Word and what God says about being led by the flesh versus being led by the Spirit, life will become so much easier. And when you get off the Word and rely on self action you’ll know you’re off course.

I’m so understanding this now. Cause I ain’t gonna lie…..sometimes its just easier to say “kiss my _____!” LOL, but as soon as that negativity starts to rise in me I’m reminded of God’s Word; in particularly the ninth fruit of the Spirit----SELF-CONTROL. Yes, yes…..everybody wants to talk about having love and joy and peace and patience, but rarely do we hear about exhibiting self-control. And when you’re talking about matters of the heart and mind, you have to talk about self-control.

Then the other night I had a conversation with my sister about another emotion-----moodiness. I’m telling you….that girl is the funniest person I know. She can tell the most serious story and make me laugh. Anybody laugh. She’s hilarious. Anyway……she was telling me about an associate of ours who is just plain ole MOODY. Ok, don’t get me wrong…..I can be moody too (AND SO CAN SHE!!!) But I ain’t gonna lie, Mondays aren’t always my best. But trust when I tell you……anybody who knows me knows when to leave me be. Especially my colleagues. Don’t call no meeting on a Monday morning. Cause chances are I ain’t coming---lol. And when I’m on a deadline, don’t knock, don’t call, don‘t send an email…….leave me ALONE. And then there are my Sunday afternoons…….awwwww. But for the most part…..we are happy, go-lucky people. If we are in a “mood” we lock ourselves in seclusion. If we dare to come out……trust that we have put on our happy face. That’s both of us. Cause we both realize that it’s so not about us and our feelings.

So me and my sister were discussing a situation about our moody associate and we were cracking up. I mean, how can you call yourself wanting to preach and you can’t even speak to people outside the pulpit. I mean, you speak when you feel like it. If you feel like it. And how can you speak in tongues and not speak to your fellow brethren. I mean there are days when I’m feeling my worse, but you better believe nobody knows it. I remember a couple of months ago I was battling a serious situation, heartache was involved, but I still had a responsibility and commitment to go to my Strike Force class. I so wanted to stay in the bed and sleep it off. But I had to put my feelings aside and be obedient to my commitment. But that Saturday evening as we sat in class, my sister told me later that evening that when she looked at me it seemed as if I was gonna breakdown. She said it looked as if somebody touched me with a feather I would fall over. I remember that day so vividly. Actually, I remember the date as well. To others, I was the same ole chipper Jill. But my sister knows me and so she felt my pain.

That evening, my pastor called an altar call before dismissing class and said that he saw in the Spirit that somebody was going through some heartache. With everything I had in me I got up and went to the altar. I didn’t cry nor did I question God. I simply surrendered the situation cause I refused to take that emotion into another hour of my life. I left there in such peace. For four days I had carried that pain on my back, but the Lord kept reminding me of Psalm 37 and so I decided, I decided, I decided……to release it.

But I don’t care how strong we are and how much of an effort we put into moving forward without emotional baggage, there comes a time when we all surrender into our feelings. I think what is happening is that I’m learning how to deal with my feelings--you know how to act and react in my feelings. How to process my feelings. Anyway, today I hurt. For my best girlfriend. Cause she’s hurting. As she was giving me the rundown late last night, I felt her pain. Cause she really doesn’t deserve it. And so today I hurt. For her. And I’ve been crying too.

Jesus wept. --John 11:35

The Great Commission

Why do I feel like I’m the only person in the office today? I got in a little late and it feels like I’m super early. Anyway……………… I got something on my mind today. And the timing couldn’t be more perfect. Actually, this thing has been on my mind for a long time, but it didn’t come to the forefront until a couple of weeks ago.

Ok, so a couple of weeks ago I stumbled across some recent photos of Kim Kardashian and her beau Reggie Bush doing their version of “see we love and support Africa too” on their recent trip to the Motherland. Ok, all I can say is……..WHY??????? Other than the fact that this chick told the media that she was in South Africa when in fact she was in Botswana, I knew the trip was “one of those”. One of those…… “I want people to think that I have a heart and truly care and understand issues other than my personal issues”. All the celebrities want the Angelina Jolie image. But not everybody wants to put in the real work. The real work that’s off camera. Kudos to Angie!!!

(Deep breath). Can I just ask a simple question? Thanks. Ok, if the media is recording your philanthropic efforts, does it count? I mean, is it really genuine? Is it really real? Are you really doing good will for others or are you showing good will of yourself? Working in public relations for so many years, as well as studying it in undergrad……I know first hand how the publicity/spin thing goes. Soliciting the media while doing good works sends a huge message. It’s all about image and perception. PR is definitely an art and a science.

I remember a couple of years ago a famous local church pastor and his wife, who just happens to have a huge billboard on one of PG County’s most busiest avenues (I might add--lol), was surprising folk at a local grocery store by paying their grocery bills during the Thanksgiving holiday. The pastor and first lady were randomly walking up to customers at the cash register and telling them to keep their money in their pockets cause they were paying for their groceries. Yes, yes…….they made sure Fox 5 news was filming it. That’s how I saw it. It was hilarious. Very unorganized, but trying to show their media poker faces. They were walking up to folk like they had just hit the lottery. It almost looked like the 70s game show, “Let’s Make a Deal”.

Ok, when I first saw this…..the PR person in me came out. I was sitting there thinking……oh they don’t know what they’re doing. Cause why in the world would you target a grocery store in the hood when most of those folks are on food stamps????? The last thing we worry about in the hood is FOOD. We can take three dollars and feed a family for two days. Ask me how I know!!! We use to buy the store brand of the box mac/cheese that was 3 for a $1, plus a small pack of ground beef and season it up. We’d eat good for dinner and had some leftover for the next day. A lack of food ain’t the problem in the Black community. Trust me when I tell you---lol. But it just proves that we have become so self serving that we keep missing the point.

Last year this time, me and my girlfriend “E” went away to a spiritual retreat down in Virginia. I actually wrote an entry about the trip. It was an AWESOME experience!! I was so hungry for God. The way the retreat is set up, it allows for you to worship God in the rawest form---just you, God, and nature. But others are there too cause there are services all through the day. But I remember waking up to the birds chirping and the sounds of folk worshiping and praying as they walked around the acres of camp grounds. Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. No cameras. No publicity. Only folk wanting to get away from all the hustle and bustle to worship God in peace. You won’t see an advertisement for this no frills place. No, no. They rely solely on the Word of God that says spread the Gospel. And so, others tell of their experiences of healing, restoration, and deliverance causing folk to want to go. Oh…..did I forget to mention….IT’S FREE!!! Lodging and meals are FREE!!!

Anyway, at one of the morning sessions of the retreat this couple got up to speak. They are missionaries who travel all over the world spreading the Gospel of Jesus Christ. And so they told the story of one of their last missions to Nepal, which is located on the border of China and India. Ok, I was all ears. Cause I’d heard about spooky Nepal--lol. What they told us was that hinduism and buddhism are the practiced religions there. And so in a lot of parts, practicing Christianity is banned. Many of the folk there who believe in Christ will have to walk miles and miles up into discreet places in the mountains just to praise and worship God.

So their primary mission/ministry is to provide Christian literature and sometimes transportation via bikes to their places of worship for those who are Christians and those who wants to convert to Christianity. They were telling some stories that were blowing my mind. I remember them telling a story of how they received a warning from Nepal’s authorities to stop spreading the Gospel. They told how they were thrown out many times. So the couple told the congregation that if anyone was interested in helping with their ministry in any type of way that they not send them emails to their Nepal address which was actually printed on a handout given to us. I left there thinking……this is what you call MINISTRY!!!! This is the GREAT COMMISSION.

Ok, so I was watching one of my favorite morning inspirational shows this morning as I was getting ready for work. But this morning’s program was a little different. See, the tele-evangelist had taken her camera crew to Africa, yes you know how they do. They don’t show the richness, beauty, and thriving parts of Africa, they show the worst villages where a bed of flies are stuck on a baby’s eyelids. YES…..its real. I understand that wholeheartedly. I manage a marriage education program for refugees. I've studied many cultures and populations. So the situation is indeed real. But what I don’t understand is why are ministries giving social study lessons on third world countries, begging us for money to purchase a pack of pills that will last 30 days, and then come home to their luxury lifestyles in the states. I mean, WHY?????? Why aren’t we over there preaching healing and deliverance??????? The tele-evangelist spent a whole five minutes talking about some little blue pills that could cure a disease for three years. Three years???????? And then what???????

You know what I always wondered…….I always wondered how much it costs for a television crew to travel to third-world countries with tele-evangelists. Do you really realize how costly it is for a team of media locally and nationally????? Well just imagine…….internationally. Perhaps there are camera crews stationed in those lands, but I seriously doubt that Americans go that route. We’re too possessive for that. We want everything on our own terms---but by using others dollars. Umph. I mean, doesn’t it make more sense to cut the travel expenses and put it towards the actual need?????? I’m sure cutting out a camera crew could buy a whole lotta little blue pills—lol. Seriously, we have become so self-serving in ministry. We do very little wholeheartedly and by the perfect plan of God these days. We all want recognition and honor for the works we do. Proving that we’re good by our works. But that’s the world’s system. That’s how celebrities do it. Somehow they’ve become our model. Umph.

As I was watching the program this morning, the feisty tele-evangelist had the nerve to say that providing medication and meals is the great commission of Christ. No it ain’t!!!! The great commission is spreading the Gospel!!!! If I see another ministry filming themselves walking through Africa with a big bag of rice, a jug of water, or a bucket of shoes I’ma scream. Seriously. Why aren’t we studying the real need??????? Just like the local pastor and first lady was doing. In one land we’re dying from too much food and another not enough. You tell me why we keep thinking that feeding the natural is the answer!!!!!!

(Deep breath). It just goes back to what I was talking about last week. If we aren’t walking in vulnerable situations and healing and deliverance ain’t taking place…..then we need to check ourselves as so-called Christians. That’s me included (deep breath).

You know what we should do……we, the Body of Christ globally, should take one week of shut down—no media---just fasting and falling on our face before the Lord throughout the day for one week. Wherever we are. Just connecting in the Spirit. Do you know the impact we could have on this world????? Umph. I’m down for it.

………if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land. --2 Chronicles 7:14

And Jesus came and spake unto them, saying, all power is given unto me in heaven and in earth. Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost: Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world. Amen. –Matthew 28:18-20

The Originals

I got a phone call this morning that brought me to tears.

Wow, what can I say. That darn Facebook has its faults, but bottomline……it ain’t nothing but the truth. A few months ago, one of my childhood girlfriends, “E”, got in touch with me through FB. I was quite surprised for a number of reasons, but when I saw the message with her name on it I screamed. A few weeks after that, we went Facebooking for our other childhood girlfriends (I call us the Originals which could offend some of the others but hey….just being honest--lol) and was able to find two of the other originals, “P” and “C”. Unfortunately, we couldn’t find the last original, “T”, but we still did our catch-up thing by email and then by phone.

Chatting with the girls, even though we were less one, was such a delight. We hadn’t seen or spoken to each other in years. But we’re actually right on target cause God’s timing is impeccable. We were about 10 years old when we all started moving out of the neighborhood and going our separate ways. At 20 we all got together for “E’s” son’s birth. And at 30 for “P’s” baby shower. Next year we’ll be turning 40, so we’re right on target.

I think it was the fall of 1974 when I moved from New York to Maryland. My great-grandmother had a sister who lived in DC and a brother in MD. Coming from Jamaica, NY I think my great-grandmother made a wise choice in opting to reside in Maryland near her brother. With my great-grandfather, my mother, and my oldest sister in tow we were excited about our new transition to a place we luuuuved to visit.

I was the first of the Originals on the scene---lol. The GW scene in Seat Pleasant. And the oldest of all by 2 months I might add—lol. This says a lot about my personality and character---lol. I was almost 5 years old and in the kindergarten when we moved there. I remember it was cold out when we moved in. Shortly, after I moved in, “T” moved in the very next building with her five brothers and sisters, and mom and step dad. The way I always remember “T” is being cool, calm and laid back. She was the “T-Boz” of the group. Very much in control. Both of our buildings were located in the “court”. The court was comprised of three buildings in a U shape in the middle of the neighborhood. The court was the most popular section and was the best buildings out of the 11 that made up the small, quaint apartment complex.

In the summer that me and “T” were going to the first grade, “C” moved in “T’s” building with her mother and grandmother. “C” was very sweet and cheery. If you’d relate us to the Sex and the City girls, “C” would be Charlotte hands down. “C” was an only child and looked at every situation through rose-colored glasses. Somehow I don’t remember exactly when “P” came on the scene, but it had to be when me, “T”, and “C” were in the first grade. “P” was a year younger, so we adopted her as our little sister; more because of her petite size rather than her age. “P” moved into my building with her parents and two older brothers. She was feisty. And spoke her mind with confidence. Though younger, there ain’t no originals without “Lil P”.

Then when me, “T”, and “C” were in the second grade, “E” moved in “T” and “C’s” building with her mother and younger brother. Oh, “E” made an entrance in our neighborhood. We knew exactly when she arrived on the scene. She actually held up our school bus on her first day of school because…………that’s “E”—lol. If you think of UPN Girlfriends, “E” would be Toni. You can either find her sitting on top of the world or stretched out under it. She is to the extreme. Always felt like she had to take on the entire world to prove a point---lol.

In 1977, the Originals were officially formed. Five different personalities that fit perfectly like 5 fingers in a leather glove. We were in the second grade (“P” in the first grade). Though we had tons of other friends and associates in the neighborhood, there was something about our bond that was unbreakable. We’ve talked about this over the years, but I just need to express it today that if you look up the word “girlfriends” in the dictionary you would see our photos. We learned the value of friendship from an early age. No pretentiousness, no fighting, no backstabbing…..none of that.

If there was a problem with one, there was a problem with all. All of our mothers were struggling, some even on welfare, and trying to make ends meet. We all got free lunch and were quite proud of it. Some, if not all, of our mothers were into smoking “herb” or drinking, but we dealt with it. And proud to say that we all turned out to be decent, responsible chicks. Only two of us had a relationship with our fathers and we milked both of them as if they were all of our daddies—lol. And they both stepped into that role with no problem. It was nothing for “C’s” father to pile us all up in his little Toyota and take us to Anacostia Park. We’d be content for hours playing with our Barbie dolls while “daddy” distressed from his unimaginable issues.

Just recently, “E” asked me how we’d get to church all the way up in northwest since nobody’s mother had a car. I reminded her that we’d get on the bus with my great-grandmother. All of us. We have stories amongst stories. Some funny, some sad, some outrageous, and some just plain old unnecessary. But the point is, as “E” points out, it was all pure and innocent, and filled with unconditional love.

I was the first to move from the neighborhood. My great-grandfather had just passed away the year before, and like clockwork my great-grandmother passed a year and some months later. I was 11 years old. And so we ended up moving to Landover with my mother. I remember when I was leaving there was a weird feeling. As much as I hurt, and as much as I loved my girlfriends and knew that I would miss them, I was looking forward to change. Again, this says a lot about my personality today. I looked at it as a new opportunity. The funny thing is that just how we moved into GW, we moved out in that same order. Me first, followed by “T” the next year, and then “C”, “P”, and I believe “E” was the last to leave. Don’t quite remember who was actually last. But we all moved on with our lives.

When we were in the 7th grade, I had my 12th birthday slumber party. The originals and a few others came to my house in Landover and we had a BLASSST. That was the last time we were all together in our childhood. Since that time I’d go over to “T’s” new house during our middle school years, or talk to “E” on the phone, but I lost contact with “C” and “P” totally. Every now and again, we’d bump into someone from the neighborhood and get updates, but rarely. And so we all never stayed close collectively during our teens. “T” and “E” spent a lot of their teenage and young adult years together, and me and “E” spent a good amount of adult years together. And “C” and “P”, well they were the glue out the bunch…….they remain best friends to this day—lol. As I mentioned, the next time we were all together after my slumber party was when we were 20 years old.

Over the years, the five of us have experienced life’s ups and downs. From divorce, to burying a husband, to dealing with deadbeat dad issues, to hanging on to uncertain relationships, to spending umpteen years trying to find a mystery father to heartbreaks to setbacks. Life has knocked each and every one of us down at one point, but I must say…….our triumphs and accomplishments so outweigh the bad. I can’t even begin to name all of our accomplishments, but for five little innocent girls coming from the ‘hood in Seat Pleasant……uuuuhhhhh, God is good. All of us, and I mean all FIVE of us, know the Lord. We’ve all went down five different paths, but we all ended up on this Christian journey.

A few weeks ago, as me, “E”, “P”, and “C” chatted on Facebook, we were trying to set a “reunion” date. But I just felt really undecided without “T”. I mean, yes I want to see my girls, but I want to see ALL of them. I wanted to hear “T’s” memories and laughter. The strong one on the outside, but in our secret circle would cry in a heartbeat. The one who had the most confidence and who all the boys wanted to go with—lol. I wanted to see and hear from “T”. The last we’d heard from “E” through a third-party was that “T” was preparing for a June wedding, in which she was finally marrying her teenage sweetheart. She was also preparing to send her youngest son to Penn State to pursue a professional football career. But that was it. I understand she’d be busy. But I wanted to hear from her. I did get her number and left a message, but no return call. The voice on the phone was clearly not her. If it was indeed the right number she didn’t answer or return the call. I just chalked it up to……she’s either extremely busy or she’s just simply moved on with her life. We all accepted that.

Over the months me and “E” have been talking a lot and realizing how our characters and thoughts about life are derived from our childhood; from our friendship. We both discovered that our friendship then has set the bar and standard for our friendships today. Loyalty is a must. Communication is a must. We’d spend hours upon hours in deep conversation. We’d sit on the merry-go-round at the “piece of a” playground or in the pool and just bond. Even to this day, me and “E” can talk on the phone for hours at a time. Cause our friendships back then had no clock. We were just laughing on the phone that we’d leave the house at 9am and not return until 9pm. We NEVER tired of each other. We’d go to school together, all be in the same class together, go out to recess and play double dutch together with our little Palmer Park friends, and come home and play kickball together til it was time to go to bed. To this day……strong communication is extremely important in all my relationships.

And though ride or die chicks (cause when you offended one, you offended all—lol), our friendship wasn’t limited to going-along-to-get-along. Nope. If one of us was wrong we dealt with it. If one of us started a fight, then you took responsibility for it. But though “mouthy” girls, we were good, wholesome girls and were well liked. We spoke our mind and said what we felt. It showed on our face. There was no way around it. All of us. We disagreed on many instances, but it never broke us apart. And we never fought one another. We got together at whoever’s house and we laid our issues and feelings on the table (I was always the peacemaker—lol). We never felt like we were risking our friendship by doing so. We were free to be real with one another. No competitiveness and no pretentiousness. What you saw was what you got. Period. And at 7 and 8 years old we understood our value and our worth to one another. There was a bully in the neighborhood who tried to play us against each other, but even in that, we remained resilient and committed to one another. As I said, even though others came along and many friendships were formed amongst us in that neighborhood, the “originals” relationship spoke volumes.

Yesterday we received an email from “P”. We’re still trying to put together our reunion with at least the four of us originals, as well as with other girlfriends from the neighborhood. It would be good to see those who we’ve reconnected with, thanks to “P”. We had hoped to get together on short notice this past Saturday at a basketball tournament with the GW and Seat Pleasant boys, in our old neighborhood. It would have been the perfect reunion, but more than enough of us had previous plans. So “P” will probably plan something at her house in the near future.

As I was coming out of the gym this morning, I was just thanking God for another day. It was just a special feeling in the air. I had just finished working out and was getting in my car when a 202 number came up on my caller ID. When my phone buzzed it startled me because uuummm.......I don’t usually get phone calls at 6am-ish--lol. But when I answered it was a very perky voice that began talking to me as if we were finishing a conversation from last night. For a good 30 seconds I answered her normal, basic questions until finally I said…………….WHO IS THIS???????? In a very calm voice that was obviously smiling, she said…… “girl, this is “T”. I screamed so loud as tears began falling. She was overjoyed as well. We talked on the phone for a good half hour, and then I called “E”. And we talked for another half hour. I totally lost track of time. I was late for work, and had to end up driving to the metro cause I missed my bus. But it was all worth it.

A friend loves at all times……. --Proverbs 17:17

Direct Connect

It never fails. I’ll either vent about something in an entry or have a conversation with somebody or have some type of encounter with someone about a subject matter, and very soon after I will come across a man/woman of God who will confirm everything I expressed. It happens often from writing these entries. And I’m not talking about light stuff or one-size-fits-all stuff, but I’m talking verbatim.

Anyway, so Friday I was having a deep conversation with my colleague and on Friday night my pastor confirmed everything we discussed. It amazes me every time. I can’t even tell you how she and I got into this deep discussion, but that doesn’t even matter. Cause I know it was ordained by God. She actually sits right next to me and so by it being a really laid back Friday, although we were both extremely busy as I was coming back from the bathroom I peaked in her office to chat.

Again, I don’t know how the conversation originated but it ended up being about a personal situation she’s going through. My colleague is a new convert. She’s always acknowledged God and believed that Jesus exists, but just recently she officially gave her life to Christ and so things are starting to change for her. She’s changed. And its evident. Almost scary. I knew the other her. A run-her-mouth type of chick. A couple of years ago we argued so bad that I was up in her face about to knock her out. Our other colleagues had to come in between us. That day I had to take one for the team cause a couple of us were fed up with her. But that’s another entry. And was years ago. Since then…..well we both found Jesus. Or should I say……He found us!!! Our relationship has always been professional even when our personalities crossed, but now there is a Spiritual connection and we have come in agreement with one another to tackle some of the demons that are floating around in our workplace.

So I stopped in her office and she told me that she had gone to lunch with her childhood girlfriend and came back real hurt. She said she and her girlfriend were having a discussion about one of their other girlfriends who my colleague said that the other girlfriend told her that since she became “saved” she doesn’t have an interest in their friendship anymore. So my colleague was expressing this to her girlfriend over lunch and so she told her girlfriend that you know…..she can’t just cut off talking about Jesus cause she’s had a personal encounter with Him and knows that He is indeed real. She also told her that she doesn’t understand why their other girlfriend doesn’t accept her for who God is making her to be. But then this girlfriend dropped a bombshell on her. She told her…… “well to be quite honest with you I don’t believe that you have to have Jesus in order to have a relationship with God either.”

My colleague, who is a people person by heart, was expressing this to me and was quite hurt. I could hear it in her voice and saw it on her face. And so she was expressing to me that being a new convert she doesn’t know how to respond. Of course her pastor could give her scriptures to give them, but when one has cut off circulation to Christ the Word is not gonna go but so far. Talk about the Word, my colleague said that on a couple of her recent emails to her mass recipients she ended with “Jesus is Lord” or “Praying for you all”, or even quoted a scripture. And she said a couple of folk took offense to it. Some were offended and responded jokingly, but others took it to the extreme. She said that one of her husband’s friends backed out on a group trip and later told them that it was because he wasn’t trying to hear about Jesus. Wow.

So my colleague was hurt and baffled to say the least. And so she was looking to me for understanding, and I was stuck. I mean, I ain’t never come across associates who said they didn’t believe in Jesus. I mean, most of my issues with folk on this Christian journey are those who claim to know Jesus, but ain’t living it. So when she asked my opinion…..I was a little stuck. I did, however, explain to her that she is now going through a sifting process. She and her husband both. They both have given their life to Christ and have decided that they, and their two boys, are gonna live for Christ. I so admire her now. Really I do. There’s such a radiance over her.

So I was a little stuck about how she should go about telling those who inquire why they indeed have to believe in Jesus to get to God. It’s basically that Oprah mental-bondage, spiritually-damaged, self-reliant crap. But then the Holy Spirit gave me an analogy to give her. The analogy worked so well because she absolutely luuuuvs her husband and two boys. She lives for them. And because it brought an answer down to her understanding in which she can pass on to others instead of trying to push scriptures that will not be understood or accepted. Now let me put a disclaimer out there before I get emails rebuking me. I know just the circle of folk who will---lol. THIS IS ONLY FOR ANALOGY PURPOSES. IN NO WAY CAN I RELATE ANYTHING OR ANYBODY TO THE SOVEREIGNTY OF GOD. HE IS……AND IS ONLY. AGAIN, THIS IS FOR ANALOGY PURPOSES ONLY. TO GET A POINT ACROSS. Lol. Gotta do that cause religious fanatics will start leaving me all kinds of weird messages.

Ok, here goes.

So I told my colleague to imagine that President Obama was God. For the last few years, since she saw this brilliant man on the political scene she has taken a liken to him. Cause he’s powerful. And he’s talking her language. However, she can only go by what she sees and hears on television…..cause she really doesn’t know him, know him. I mean…..he has her same characteristics and is pushing for the same change in which she’s agreeing with, but her relationship with him is a little distant. Cause she’s never personally met him. But she’s cool with the distance cause she has a connection. She feels his pain and power. And he’s showing it back to her. Through the media. But she has another connection that many others do not have. See, they both reside in the nations capitol. And so every now again she’ll get the benefit of seeing his motorcade ride down Pennsylvania Avenue and may get a glimpse at his face. She has a great chance at that. And it intrigues her loved ones who live afar. That she resides and works where Obama lives and works. Secretly, even if she doesn’t ever see him in person, its cool cause she’s gonna benefit in some type of way from the power of his position. Cause he told her she would. When she saw him on television. So there is a connection.

But then, as she’s going about her daily life “embracing change” she meets a man in the grocery store. At first she’s not interested. But when she accidentally looks into his eyes she feels a connection with this man. Cause he’s intriguing. It’s something about him that interests her. So they play peek-a-boo from aisle to aisle until finally the man will walk down her aisle and introduce himself. She’s looking into the man’s eyes and falling for him. Don’t know what it is…..he just go “it”. Over the next few months they get to know each other and during that course of getting to know each other, the guy reveals that his father is President Obama. Ok, you see where I’m going with this.

Ok, now since she has established a relationship with this guy, who by the way has asked her hand in marriage, she now gets to meet her father-in-law. Let’s just imagine that there are no Sasha and Malia---lol. Maybe Michelle, but no other children. Just the son. Cause that’s what dude told her. And she believes it. Cause the proof is there. LOL. So she gets to go to the White House, have good conversation with Obama, even hang out and play a game or two of one-on-one, or maybe a game of Scrabble. Personal time is unlimited. And situations behind closed doors she has access to. Any career hook-up she needs, she’s got it. Cause her in-laws got connections. She’s now flying on Airforce One, going to all the social and political events, having access to Michelle’s stylist, and even traveling to many nations with the Obamas. She’s walking the red carpets and being recognized as “the first daughter-in-law”. She’s getting ALL the benefits. She can actually walk up to the White House and get in. Cause there’s a relationship. They know her. Because of the relationship they’ve built…….through their son.

So they get married. And she’s enjoying the good life with her in-laws and they are loving on her. Cause she’s officially an Obama. Things aren’t PERFECT between her and her husband, but they’re not deal breakers. Every now and again a disagreement will ensue. Like any other relationship where you go running for answers and understanding. But then she starts listening to and taking advice from her girlfriends. And it starts to cause a rift in her marriage. She and her husband start to have real problems because of this. Her ego is big and she’s making a fool and mockery out of the relationship. Giving the Obama’s a bad name.

So she walks away from the marriage. Cause by this time she has come across enough “successful” folk in the circle that she has been in and so now she’s running her own celebrity image. And not really realizing she’s walking away from the marriage…..she walks away. And the husband lets her go. He has a talk with his father and have agreed to let her go. He turns her over to the life in which she’s indulging in. So there is a disconnect. No longer can she walk up to the White House and expect access. The relationship is broken.

For a while she still rides off of her “success” and image. Cause afterall, she’s still an Obama til futher notice. At least that’s the name she’s riding off of. But then it becomes a fallacy and she starts to realize that people ain’t buying her mess no more. And the access she used to have……oh that faded. Doors have indeed closed. The Obama circle is now rejecting her. Cause she messed up. And they understand the other side. She’s realizing that she messed up and so slowly but surely she begins to breakdown. Tearing off that pretentious image.

Then she realizes that she has made a mistake. And so she goes back to her husband and asks for forgiveness and they start to work things out. He accepts her back with open arms. Cause she loves her husband. And he loves her more. He, being led by a good father and good family man, sets some boundaries. He gives her da bid’ness, as my girlfriend “E” would say. He lays it down. In order for the relationship to work. They begin to rebuild. This time focusing on the relationship, not the image.

Just when she “gets it” and is living a life for she and her husband, as he had anticipated from the beginning, she finds out that she is pregnant. I wish I had time to talk about the seed, but that will have to be another entry. I’ve been studying it for the last few weeks. The SEED is deep. Spiritually, the seed is indeed the Holy Spirit. But this is where a lot of Christians miss it. The Holy Spirit can walk with you until you leave this earth, but its not until it is IN YOU that real change and fullness with the father will come. But the seed has to be watered in order for it to grow. For their to be a manifestation on earth, the seed has to be nurtured. Bottomline.

Back to the analogy……the son is born. A little Obama. And no matter how her life changes, if her husband dies and she remarries; she can move to the other side of the world, but there will always be a solid relationship with President Obama cause she’s raising his offspring. She’s carrying his heir. So the relationship can NEVER be cut off. She can have full access to the promises of the father because his son left his Holy Spirit, not just to walk with her, but to live within her. Anybody who knows the connection with a mother and her son can relate. I hear it ALL the time. There’s one thing to adopt a son and build a solid loving relationship to die for, but it takes it to a whole new dimension when a son is birthed through you. Umph.

Of course I went a in a little more detail in this entry with the analogy, but after I gave it to my colleague, she was in tears. She said……you’re right. That’s like my girlfriends telling me that while we are hanging out we can never talk about “my husband” (or my sons). But we can talk about his father. President Obama. She started laughing. We both started laughing and was saying again how everybody wants the benefits, but they ain’t trying to take the entire package. She kept looking at me like….I get it. I get it. The funny thing is that our conversation went so beyond the initial topic of having to go through Jesus to get to the father, but we actually started speaking about the Holy Spirit. A subject that a lot of church folk either don’t understand or don’t want to fully accept. I mean, its nice to have the Holy Spirit with me, but it’s a whole another experience to have the Holy Spirit live IN ME.

My pastor was telling us on Friday night that when folk doubt Christ and say that they can go to God without going through Christ we have to be firm and let them know that…… “I don’t know what god you’re referring to, but the God I serve is the God of the scriptures. The God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. The everlasting God. The Lord of lords.” No need to argue for there have been made many gods on this earth, but on judgment day it will be revealed. Until then, walk in faith.

Before I left her office, my colleague looked at me and said……. “the sifting process, huh.” And I looked back and said…. “brace yourself sistah cause you bout to go through the fire, but trust me…….is just a refining process.”

Jesus said to him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.” --John 14:6

Do We Really?

(Deep breath). Ok, I got sooo much running through my head that I know I’ll explode if I don’t release. You gotta bear with me cause this is one of those “where do I start” entries.

Ok, I know when the Lord is screaming at me cause I’ll get messages in threes. The final came just about 15 minutes ago as I was riding home. I was listening to Coco Brotha on 104.1FM and he was talking about JESUS. Not gospel music, not the newest artist, not the current church events……but JESUS. He was basically saying how Jesus came to earth to redeem us so that we could have direct access to God. And how the same power that Christ has is ours through the Holy Spirit. Then he talked about how we are going to be held accountable for not being obedient to the Word of God. He was saying a whole lot of stuff that was hitting my buttons, but then the question of the year rang loudly again in my ear---forget the thought that do folk really believe in the power of God, but the question is........do folk really believe that there is a God?????

The second message came this morning as I was having breakfast with one of my girlfriends. Let me just say this first……I assure you that I wasn’t eating--lol!!!! Some of yal know why I had to say this. Anyway……my girlfriend just came back from her first real missions trip out of the country. And when she called me to have breakfast with her she could hardly contain herself cause she needed to talk to me. I mean, everything she does is over the top so I knew she had some deep details of how great her trip was. So I dropped everything and ran out to have breakfast with her.

As soon as we could get to a discreet location she blurted out that while on her trip she had to repent. She kept saying to me, “Jill I had to repent. I had to repent." She first started off by telling me how bound and spiritually mal-nourished the folk there are. But then she said that she had to repent because there she was claiming to be a holy roller "woman of God" from the U.S. and she didn’t even have enough power in her to help deliver some of those folk. Off the subject for a moment….this reminds me of my study on the seed a couple of weeks ago. Anyway……my girlfriend started crying to me and said something that hit me in my gut. She said that if we are claiming to be Christians, but what is in us is not powerful enough to bring healing/deliverance/repentant hearts, then we need to check ourselves.

She told me about how a little boy got sick and fell nearly dead in the service. She said the boy’s eyes were rolling back in his head and the folk around him were giving up on him. Then she said the pastor had someone call an ambulance and while the ambulance was on the way he started collecting the offering. She said she was so vexed with herself and with the pastor that she went and asked him to stop---and she's real bold so I can just imagine how she approached him (lol)---so that they could pray over the little boy. She said she started praying with everything she had in her and slowly but surely the boy started coming around all the way until he testified and said that when he went down his body felt like somebody was squeezing him real tight. Ain’t a whole lot to this. And this ain’t uncommon. Folk are dropping dead daily cause something is squeezing the life out of them but yet we dismiss it as “it was his/her time to go.” So we’ll bury a soul in a heartbeat, right after having a huge homegoing service. You know how us Christians do. We'll have a marching band at the funeral to "celebrate life".

Then it hit me again. It went back to something that happened over the weekend. On Sunday, and I said I wasn’t gonna mention this one but it’s bubbling out of me. What the heck. But on Sunday I was sitting in church next to a young lady. And sitting next to her was a guy that goes to the church. I’m very familiar with both. Anyway, halfway through the service the young lady whispers to me and says….. “can you move down a seat because [such and such] just mouthed to me that I shouldn’t be sitting next to this guy cause he’s crazy.” I looked at dude and then at her in disbelief. To keep the peace I did move down one seat and she moved down next to me creating a gap between she and the guy. But I was PISSED. Yes, I said it…….PISSED.

Ok, I was partly pissed because I was surprised that “such and such” who holds a high position in the church would say something so immature and ungodly. But what made me mad was because her actions, and mine too now that I think about it, basically said that “the demon in dude is greater than the God in me”. That’s basically what “such and such” was inferring. So when my girlfriend said what she said this morning it just hit home cause she’s right. If a person who we claim needs help, healing, deliverance, empowerment, whatever is not changed while in our presence……then something is wrong with US. Bottomline.

Me and my sister have been having this conversation all year……do folk really believe that there is a God? Do folk really believe that Jesus is real? I mean, we talk a good game. And we sing a good song. But I truly believe that a lot of folk say they believe in God only because stuff they can’t control they have to have some type of explanation for. Then there are some that are going with the flow in believing in a higher power because it’s the right thing to do. And then there are those who are conditioned by their ancestors to believe in God. And then there's the mass majority who are caught up in what God has in His hands for them.

But I say this…..if you REALLY believe in God then you will obey His Word. Not just read it, memorize it, and quote it. But LIVE IT. Bottomline. Us church folk are so caught up in self-righteousness and having our images fixed to being “a man/woman of God” that we are forgetting that we have been commissioned to serve, not be served. I'll say this over and over again......we have been commissioned to do two things on this earth: love our brethren and spread the gospel. And both are tasks of serving. As Coco Brotha said….it could be something as simple as telling a colleague that Jesus is Lord. But a lot of us can’t even say it. Some of us are too embarrassed to mention that we are Christians. Cause bottomline we don’t really believe.

As my girlfriend expressed……..I too need to repent. Lord, I repent. Not for something I did or said, but because of something that I’m not doing. And that is walking in Your FULLNESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The disciples went and woke him, saying, “Master, Master, we're going to drown!” He got up and rebuked the wind and the raging waters; the storm subsided, and all was calm. “Where is your faith?” he asked his disciples. In fear and amazement they asked one another, “Who is this? He commands even the winds and the water, and they obey him.” --Luke 8:24-25

“If you love me, you will obey what I command.” --John 14:15

Joy in the Morning

Wow!! Gotta pinch myself cause I can’t believe I did it. And liked it.

Ok, so for the last month or so I’ve been really trying to re-organize my time—just really trying to make the most out of my day in the best way possible. If you haven’t read in my entries…..my day is unnecessarily hectic because I don’t get home til close to 9pm every night. Yes, getting home at this hour seems doable for a single woman---as I am---but it leaves very little room to do things in the evenings like have a quality “date night”, do the catch-up with girlfriends over dinner, or even do a little shopping at the local malls. Sooo, these social necessities have been allotted to the leftover time on the weekends, after spending time with the family, church activities, and my mandatory “me” time. No, no, no…..my Sunday afternoons are for ME, and me only---lol.

Over the last few weeks, I’ve been screaming……. “something’s gotta give”!!!! I could no longer continue to pile all of my non-work activities on Saturday. It was driving me crazy and making me feel like I had no weekend. From grocery shopping, to washing the car, to personal grooming, to real estate activities, to social functions, to quality time with family and friends, whatever……all on Saturday. It had gotten to the point where I’d get cross-eyed when I was invited to something. Can’t do it. And don’t want to do it.

Cause first, on Saturdays I ain’t getting out the bed before 9:30am. That’s my only day to sleep in and to be honest…..it’s gotta be a darn good reason to even get me out the house before noon. Its nothing for me to get home well after midnight on Saturday evenings, but don’t touch my Saturday mornings.

And second, if it’s raining……oh chances are I won’t show up to nothing--lol. And I hate to commit myself to something and not follow through on plans. So more than likely I’ll show up late or grouchy or plan to leave early if it’s rainy and dreary out. I know….I got issues--lol.

So for a long time, and I mean years, I couldn’t figure out why I’d get to work on Monday mornings and hear about other people’s exciting and eventful weekend, and be baffled. I mean, how can you really plan something exciting in 2 days???? The only 2 days we have off from work. I mean, really. Ok, me and [my friend] have "date night" over the phone on Friday nights cause we’re both extremely exhausted from the work week. And he has to try to stay awake long enough for me to get home and wind down---usually after10pm. Saturdays are the catch-all days, and my Sundays are MY days after church. So I just couldn’t understand how people have time to do much of anything on weekends, especially those with children.

I guess this is the perfect time to insert one of my favorite quotes…… “a natural pattern will show in detail what the Spiritual reality consists of.” LOL

(Deep breath). He’ll get a kick out of me saying that he is right about something. But I gotta give him his props…..he’s so right. [My friend] has tried to convince me forever that the morning is the best time to get stuff done. By the time I get up on weekday mornings he has already showered, shaved, dressed, had coffee and read the paper. Many mornings he’ll brag that he’s been up since 5am-ish preparing for a meeting or something. I laugh with a……whatever. I think he’d given up on some good quality conversation with me in the mornings. Cause he knows he won’t get a decent response from me until after 10:00a. After I’ve had time to scope of the office premises, and have my tea. This irritates him---lol.

Sooooo, I had run out of choices. The only way to make the most out of my day was to stretch it at the beginning instead of abusing it at the end. You know…for peace sake--lol. For the last year, I’ve been working out at my office gym. It’s small and quaint, but does the job---I guess. And its convenient. But the problem is that I don’t usually finish working til close to 6pm-ish, which didn’t put me on the machines til well after 6pm. After a good two hour workout that calculates to getting home at 8:45p-ish.

Before they installed the gym at work, I made good use of my 20-year Bally's membership. The major downfall to that was getting home after 7:30p from work, driving all the way to Germantown to the nearest Bally’s and after a good two-hour workout…..uuuum, back home at almost 10p. So working out at the office made so much better use of my time. At least that’s what I thought.

Sooo, a couple of weeks ago I decided to look for a gym closest to my house in which I could get in a good morning workout and still have time to get into the office by 9:30a. I knew it made more economical sense to utilize the free office gym while continuing to maintain my $6 a month membership at Bally’s on the weekends, but it has gotten to the point where managing my time is just as important as managing my finances.

Let me tell you how God works.

A couple of weeks ago I got a coupon in the mail for a new “no nonsense” gym that has just been built…..uuuuuuh one minute and 30 seconds from my house. No lie……it’s a quarter of a song away. Convenience---CHECK. So I go to the gym about a week or so ago to check it out and me and the trainer hit it off immediately. Not only did he give me a power workout routine that will only take 45 minutes, but he also hooked it up where I only pay $29 a month with no contract and no down payment. I was like…… “this is too good to be true”.

So after meeting with dude, I got home and looked at all brochures of the classes, state-of-the-art equipment, the facility's amenities, AND they’re open from 5am-11pm…..I was sooo excited. I mean, even if I wanted to come home in the evening and chill for a while, I could still go and get a quick 45 minute workout and be home in time to make my phone calls. But I decided to do something a little different. I said……. “I’ma try to workout in the mornings.” Yep, I had it all mentally planned that I was gonna get up at 5:15a, and be on the machine by 5:30a. Then last week I got sick. And now I understand why. The devil was pissed.

But I can’t be defeated. Not when I make my mind up about something. So this morning I got up bright and early at 5:10a. I threw on my gym clothes, brushed my teeth, pulled my hair back in a ponytail, made a protein shake, grabbed my keys and phone, and was pulling up in the gym parking lot by 5:27a. When I got there it was LIVE. So many people were there getting their workout on. I couldn’t believe it. It was just a burst of energy in the air. I’m telling you…..I worked out til I was drenched. I felt like I had put in a full day. When I was leaving out I looked up at the clock and it said…..6:22a. I couldn’t believe it. I usually don’t get out the bed til 7am!!! Shhhhhhh. But I had sooo much vigor. I even got to work a little earlier.

You know, the Bible talks a lot about the morning time. One of my favorite books is Good Morning, Holy Spirit by Benny Hinn. I read it years ago, but I remember it speaking about the morning time. I’ve gotta repent, because I’ve taken advantage of the morning time. The morning is such a precious time. It’s when I hear God speak to me. Even when I’m groggy and in my last dream before I awake. But the morning is the most powerful time of the day. And it took this morning to fully realize it.

When I left the gym there was a freshness in the air. Like I made an impact and was productive, but hadn’t really started yet. It was a weird feeling. But I welcomed it. And I liked it. I like it. And I like the fact that I have my entire evening ahead of me to do WHATEVER I want to do. But I think I want to catch the kickboxing class at 7:30p. So I’m outta here. PEACE!!!

In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation. –Psalm 5:3

Pressing Forward

Ok, I’ve been seriously knocked down, but not knocked out. Last Sunday, I think it was last Sunday, I started feeling under the weather. By Monday, I couldn’t make it to work so I tried to get a doctor’s appointment, but ended up in the emergency room. Tuesday, I couldn’t get out of the bed. Wednesday, I was determined to go to work since I have pressing deadlines, but even with all my will and determination I could only last half day. Thursday I was just about under the bed. Everything was hurting.

But something happened Thursday night. I got a huge burst of energy, jumped out the bed and started taking care of some things that I had neglected for days. I had so much energy. And so while I made good use of my energy, I also mentally planned my work day on Friday. I was wired. But then I couldn’t fall asleep. In fact, I didn’t end up falling asleep until 5:30a on Friday morning, the time in which I should have been getting up to pray.

Needless to say, I didn’t make it in to work on Friday either. I had fell back into exhaustion. I started coughing hysterically again and my body got used to being back in the bed. I was all messed up. But even with all the weirdness going on with my body I was determined to go to the grocery store, get my car waxed, and make it to prayer service Friday night. I managed to do all, but by the time I got in Friday night I was worn out.

This morning, it was my plan to go to the gym and have a good workout, followed by some relaxation in the steam room. Didn’t happen. In fact, I couldn’t even get myself out the bed to get something to drink. Just drained. I missed umpteen phone calls cause I couldn’t seem to wake-up. Just groggy. But by 5pm-ish, I jumped up out of the bed and declared….. “I’m tired of not living!!!!!”

I had to stop and think. This was the first week in two years that I hadn’t made it to the gym. This was the first week in a year that I hadn’t written in my blog. And this was the FIRST week in 9 years that I missed an entire week of work being sick. Even after having surgery, I made it back to work in 3 days. Then I heard the Spirit speaking that satan is trying to take me out by attacking my body. Usually, that’s how he operates. He takes your body down and then your mind. And once the two are in cohorts then he got you. I’ve noticed that after Wednesday, my mind started speaking louder than my body. I guess I scared him on Thursday night when I jumped out of bed, so he tried a little harder. But he knows he has to wake up real early to defeat me.

I seriously believe that this is one of the best ways to defeat folk. By getting us confined to the house. Being a prisoner in our own home. I know a girl who hasn’t worked in years and even when she does get a job she can’t keep it. She continuously complain about sickness and illness, but nothing seems to really be wrong. If you go to her house it is a pure dump, stuff everywhere. She complains that she’s too “sick” to clean up. I used to think it was a cop out, but being on my back this week I realized that its not. It is an illness in the mind that manifests to the body. It’s purpose is to destroy. To take you out. That’s how I felt this week. Like satan wanted to take me down. Not so much to a grave death, but a living death. Just unproductive. Not doing nothing.

This evening I got up. At one point I felt like it, at another I didn’t. But I could no longer listen to the negative thing in my ear that said “rest”. I’ve rested long enough. I’m tired of lying in the bed with life passing me by. I’ve missed 7 whole days and it feels like a lifetime. I managed to wash my hair, fold the 4 baskets of clothes that I’ve neglected, clean the bathroom, and get myself prepared for church tomorrow. My mind and my body are pissed at me, but my Spirit is saying…… “this is my child and I got purpose for her”.

I’m realizing that pressing forward is not about a feeling cause we’ll never “feel” like doing anything. But its about putting faith into action. It's about taking up the bed and walking. Pressing forward.

We want each of you to show this same diligence to the very end, in order to make your hope sure. We do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised. --Hebrews 6:11-12

The Half Day

Ok, I ain’t trying to claim nothing, but a sister feels horrible. Just had some Theraflu. And it didn’t work. So I’ve decided to stay my butt home tomorrow and take care of myself. My ears and my neck hurt. Signs of a sinus infections. But I ain’t claiming nothing--lol. Cause I’m healed. Just a speed bump, not a road block.

So I got up this morning achy. Probably a combo of exhaustion and just running without paying attention to my body. Actually, all week my neck has been hurting, but I’ve been so busy at work, as well as doing some real estate stuff, that I just haven’t had the time to give attention to my aches and pains. Cause I try my best not to feed into sickness. But my body was screaming real loud this morning. So I got up, made me some Theraflu, and decided to stay in since it was rainy.

As I was lying there, I stumbled across a woman preaching who I had never seen. She told a story of a little boy that was so interesting. She said the little boy who I’m guessing is about 4 or 5 years old had just graduated from pre-school and had started his first day of kindergarten. When his parents picked him up they asked him how did he like his first day. The little boy answered, “I just want to know one thing…..who signed me up for the whole day????” I cracked up laughing cause it confirmed something that’s been in my Spirit all week.

My pastor actually talked about this on Friday night in church. He was basically saying how the church doesn’t fear God anymore. Ironically, when we were coming out of the church on Friday night…..me, my sister, and my niece were walking to the car and this lady---who is a church member---came running up to my sister with something she was selling. I assume my sister, being nice and passive, said she was interested in the products---some jewelry and whatever. Something I wouldn’t put in my jewelry box, neither would my sister, but anyway……. The lady comes running to us with the bag telling my sister she had the stuff she was interested in.

At first I looked the other way cause I could feel negativity in me. But then I thought about the night before when she ran across the church DURING SERVICE to give my sister a message about the products. And last week, during all-night prayer, while we were PRAYING she had the nerve to turn around to me and say……..I have silver hoops as well. When she first introduced her business at a church fellowship I brushed her off by saying that I was only interested in sterling silver hoops. It was my way of saying that I wasn’t interested. But this chick, I guess being a good business woman, called her company and found some silver hoops. And so what she expressed was that she wanted to catch us before we got away. But did she have to do it during service. That’s all I was asking.

So we’re walking out to the car and the lady starts doing her business spiel to my sister and so I turned towards her and said…… “please get away from us!!!” She wouldn’t back off. She rolled her eyes at me and kept talking to my sister. So I went there. And I make no apologies for it. I laid her out in the parking lot. Cause not only does she show no reverence for God’s children, but she has no respect for our house of worship. She has actually made the sanctuary her market place. NOT. She ran up against the wrong sisters.

So it just had me thinking all week. And my pastor broke it down on Friday night of how we don’t fear God. We, the church, do not fear GOD!!!! Cause if we did….we wouldn’t be doing some of the things that we do. I’m telling you……I FEAR GOD. I’ve expressed this many times, but I can’t get away with NOTHING. Every wrong move I take, and every wrong thing I say….I pay a high price for it. If you look up reap/sow in the dictionary you will see my photo. Probably that same Facebook photo---lol. With that bright smile cheesing. I done reaped so much from doing things my way that I’ve dwindled down to nothing. But that’s where God wants me. Dying to myself so that He can reign supreme in me. So I try my best to stay in God’s lane in which is causing tremendous growth in me. And so as I listened to the story of the little boy it just made me think of how we are so programmed to the “half day” mentality that we live and have our being in that half day, premature stage. In addition to that, we are knocked off guard when we have to put in a full day’s work.

Ok, so I was having a conversation with my girlfriend yesterday and we were discussing how the church, really America, is so consumed with blessings and the good things of God that we don’t know how to handle the bad things that we go through as Christians. The other side. The other half. The fullness of God. See we get so wrapped up in the things that we’re given, cause I’m telling you all the things that rubs our emotions the right way we call it a blessing, that we can’t discern and handle the things that don‘t feel good to us. You know……when warfare is needed. Or when we have to put an effort in handling a negative situation. We just chalk it up to…….. “whatever” or “that’s life”. Or….. “it’s in God’s hands” when we want to get super-spiritual.

I was reading some comments on Facebook of a friend who is going through a breakup. Yeees, she put all her business on the book. Of course she’s upset. Naturally she is. But I was reading some of the comments from her “saved” circle of friends and was amazed. A lot were saying stuff like….. “If its meant to be, it will be.” Or……. “What God has for you is for you.” You know those cliché responses. I basically said, ummmm……… “God closes doors too!!!” I was just trying not to pour salt into her wound. But then someone made the ultimate comment and said…… “Sometimes we put ourselves in situations that we shouldn’t have been in.” I soooo wanted to comment and say to the girl that she hit the nail on the head, but then there was this little sly comment from one of her closest friends that said, “Only God knows what’s best for you.” Umph.

Ok, that’s all nice for preschool……..but let us go to the full day. I’ll probably write her an email tomorrow that says……. “girl, you need to fall on your face before God and ask Him to deliver you from whatever nasty spirit is attached to your life that keeps causing breakups after breakups---even a failed marriage. Or whatever nasty spirit that keeps drawing you to the wrong man.” I see a spirit around her that she needs healing and deliverance from. And I ain’t judging or pointing fingers……I’m just exposing the truth. Cause I’ve gone through the same thing. Broken relationships, failed marriages, and having ungodly covenants ummmmm....... Christians shouldn't be subject to this kind of foolishness. Seek God, expose the truth, seek God, rebuke the enemy, seek God, take the lesson (exerting patience and self-control), seek God, and proceed in faith. Bottomline.

There was a visiting couple at church on Friday night. They are engaged to be married in September. So the visiting prophet basically went down a number of issues that the couple was well aware of secretly. He even went as far as to say that the guy was not happy in the relationship, and the girl was going through a lot of past turmoil that she has brought into the relationship. Everything the prophet told them they confirmed. To make this paragraph a little short......ummmm....the prophet was like the two of you should not be getting married. I grew up on this type of boldness. And that's where we need to go back to. Stop rubbing the ego. Lacing negativity with "a blessing from God."

My pastor went on to talk about the new movement of organizing the Holy Spirit and how churches are trying to organize the move of God. Everything is timed perfectly, and everyone is taking notes on how to “go to the next level”. And then the next Sunday is part two of going to the next level. And so on and so forth. I ain’t gonna lie. I’ve been there in my Spiritual journey. Stuck on motivational speaking. But that ain’t the whole truth. Yes, all of that is covered in pre-school--during the first half of the day. But lets get to the other half. Let’s grow up a little and get to some mature things of God. I gotta admit. I’ve been there. I love an organized….whatever. But I would leave church and feel soooo empty. Soooo mal-nourished. Basically, I was being fed the preaching and the teaching, but the other part….healing and deliverance I was missing. And to be honest, the preaching is gone too. So now all we have are “teaching” ministries. We have sifted Christ right out of the church. We have sifted Christ’s main purpose for coming to earth right out of the church. Christ entered the earth to abolish the works of the enemy!!!! 1 John 3:8, not to teach Christians how to live happy, go-with-the-flow lives on earth.

So now we have a whole lot of people “going to the next level” by walking in there destiny cause they’re heirs to the [earth’s] kingdom, all while carrying baggage and issues. Like promoting self in the church. No reverence or respect for God. No fear. Cause ain’t nobody trying to commit to the whole truth. Ain’t nobody trying to sit through the whole day of Christianity 101.

Then Jesus went about all the cities and villages, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the gospel of the kingdom, and healing every sickness and every disease among the people. But when He saw the multitudes, He was moved with compassion for them, because they were weary and scattered, like sheep having no shepherd. --Matthew 9:35-36

But He said to them, “Let us go into the next towns, that I may preach there also, because for this purpose I have come forth.” And He was preaching in their synagogues throughout all Galilee, and casting out demons. Now a leper came to Him, imploring Him, kneeling down to Him and saying to Him, “If You are willing, You can make me clean.” Then Jesus, moved with compassion, stretched out His hand and touched him, and said to him, “I am willing; be cleansed.” As soon as He had spoken, immediately the leprosy left him, and he was cleansed. --Mark 1:38-42

Got Gifts, Will Travel

Ok, daily as part of my prayer I ask the Lord to put me at the right place, at the right time, doing the right thing, with the right people, for the right reasons, according to His perfect will. Gotta admit….saying this has become a little routine. But I assure you that I truly mean it. Every now and again, a little light bulb will go off reminding me that He is indeed ordering my steps and answering my daily prayer. The light bulb went off last night.

If I’ve never mentioned, my weekdays are looooong. My commute starts with a bus ride, then I hop on the train at the end of the line, and do a transfer at one of the busiest transfer stops. A total of 18 stops to be exact---but who’s counting (lol). When I get off of work more than likely I will hit the gym even if it’s for a brief 20 minute de-stressor walk. Then I do the same commute routine back home, most times stopping at the grocery store, not getting home til 8:45p. Once home, it seems like my second job begins. From showering to re-packing the gym bag and lunch, cooking dinner, checking mail, returning phone calls, etc. It’s a constant cycle.

Usually when I get home I automatically turn on the television in the living room just to bring some noise to my quiet abode. As soon as I hit the ON switch its lively since the television in the living room is set to the music channels. My intentions last night was to chill on the sofa, balance my checkbook, and watch Hawthorne. But for some reason I was so tired that I decided to forfeit my daily routine and wind down in my bedroom.

So I went in the room to watch Hawthorne. But right before I was about to change the channel I saw this Caucasian guy preaching on Daystar TV. Had never seen him before, but he caught my eyes and ears. He was dressed real casual, but very witty and deep. He was talking about self-promotion---one of my favorite topics (lol). He was saying how ministers in the Gospel self-promote their “ministries”, and basically…..its wrong. Same stuff I’ve been venting about over the last year in this blog. Folk and their flamboyant websites with full body shots pasted everywhere and now many being a part of reality shows, etc. Dude was on a roll. He obviously had a main topic, but it was spiraling into different areas as these.

Then he started talking about how Christians are now mimicking the world. He mentioned the Gospel version of American Idol that he stumbled across a few months ago. He said there were judges critiquing a sister who had sung Amazing Grace. He was like “c’mon dude…..AMAZING GRACE!!!” I have to agree…..that song ain’t even about the singing, it’s about the message. Dude was worked up. And the funny thing is I concurred cause I knew exactly what show he was referring to---hmmmmm. He was saying how we’ve conformed and followed the world so much that now the world is looking down on the church. Then he said…… “a shepherd who follows the sheep walks in poop.” The other word would give a nice ring to the phrase, but we won’t go there—lol. I fell out laughing cause its so true.

So then he talked about what it means to be called to ministry---timing and being positioned to truly hear from God. Of course he touched on the issue that many of us are calling ourselves into ministry. He gave an example of a woman who should be home raising 4 little “champions for Jesus”, but instead she’s out promoting her “Christian” book and leaving her children with the nanny. Of course you know this was right up my alley!!! Cause I strongly support marriage, parenting, and properly maintaining the household as the first ministry. And cringe when a momma AND DADDY are neglecting their God given duties for the sake of “purpose”. Ummm, Mrs. Wanted-to-be-Vice-President!!

So I continued to listen. It was waaay past the intro of Hawthorne, but my eyes were glued on this guy. So then he talked about when he was first called to ministry back in the 80s how everybody wanted to give him the keys to being successful in ministry. One guy told him that he needed to dress for success, wearing the finest custom-made suits. And so he this advice. And then another person told him that he needed to network at every Christian conference, handing out his business card. He said he would hand out his card that said……Got gifts, will travel. I cracked up. I knew it wasn’t literal, but that is the slogan we paste on our foreheads. Just being real gullible, and shining our light instead of letting our light shine. Then dude was like…..he woke up cause for one, none of this stuff was working. But more importantly…..it wasn’t the example Christ gave us. He was like....the disciples were walking around in itchy burlap sacks with a belt around it, eating bugs and honey, and preaching the Gospel—LOL. I was in tears laughing.

By this time I was like WHO IS THIS DUDE and WHY HAVEN’T I SEEN HIM BEFORE. I was about to call the 1-800 number at the bottom of the screen, but then I saw his name flash across the screen……..John Bevere. I was like….you have got to be kidding me!!!! [My friend] turned me on to John Bevere about two years ago. He had told me to read Driven by Eternity. I had purchased it, but it was like number 42 on my list of books to read---lol. Seriously, I’m a book junkie—lol. Finally, last spring as I traveled to the west coast I read it and was absolutely impressed. I love good writing. Ironically, I had seen an interview with John’s wife, Lisa, a couple of months ago and was impressed. They both have really good delivery.

Ok, so Hawthorne was a no go. Sorry Jada, but I was watching what I needed to be watching.

Then dude talked about an issue that has become taboo in the church. Again, I ain’t try’na prove nothing, but I be stressing this stuff in these writings--lol. And every now and again satan will try to creep up and say that I’m totally missing the mark. But something in my Spirit tells me otherwise. So it felt good for dude to touch on an issue that I blogged about last year in my entry…..Oh to Suffer.

So dude started talking about…….suffering. How being a true Christian means to suffer. Having a desert experience is essential to being an effective Christian. There’s no way around suffering. Then he hit me in my gut. He told what suffering is not.

First, suffering is not……..living with a sickness, illness, injury, or disease. Suffering is not waiting for healing. If that were so then the scripture: But he was wounded for our transgressions; he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed (Isaiah 53:5) would be a lie.

Second, suffering is not………living in poverty. Suffering is not waiting for the money train to come. Dude quoted the simple scripture: And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:19). I mean, everybody knows this scripture like the back of the hand. But I gotta admit……it didn’t register to me until recently.

He said that if sickness and being broke was considered suffering for Christ then the Word of God would be a big fat lie! Ok, I’d be the first to admit that when my finances are challenged I think that I’m in that state of being because God is trying to get my attention. But I’m learning that perhaps God is trying to get my attention to say that it is not His will for me to be in that place. And to remind me that He indeed gave me the skills and power to get out of it. I ain’t talking about having more money than I know what to do with. But I’m talking about being able to pay off a bill or two. Or to get a decent meal without worrying that I may not be able to eat for the rest of the week. I’m learning.

But then he broke down in a real simple definition what it really means to suffer. He said that suffering is when you are in the midst of a trial and you choose to obey God. That’s it. It could be 40 hours or 40 years. He said that we can extend suffering, but we cannot lessen it for we all must suffer as Christ did. He talked about Paul and Silas, and many others who's ministry was from prison. Not having a "prison ministry", but actually being the prisoner--lol. He just broke it down to real simple terms.

Therefore, suffering has nothing to do with being in an unhappy a marriage, longing for a mate, hoping for a career change, or stressing through a semester. No, no, no…..that’s feelings, not suffering. I guess suffering would probably be choosing to honor God by staying in, and being committed to, an “unhappy” marriage, seeking marriage counseling, trying to make it work, and not falling prey to adulterous activities even if you don’t see a light at the end of the tunnel. Cause you made a vow to your spouse. And to God. Whew….now that’s some serious suffering.

But the Lord said to him, “Go, for he is a chosen vessel of Mine to bear My name before Gentiles, kings, and the children of Israel. For I will show him how many things he must suffer for My name’s sake.” --Acts 9:15-16

Ok, I gotta be honest……now that I know what real suffering is, I ain’t had too many suffering experiences. I mean, I’d like to believe that I am an uncompromising Christian. And I’d have to say that my season is a little dry--lol. But I haven’t had too many suffering experiences where my flesh is so agonized that in the end I choose God. Ok, I take that back. I had one of those experiences last week. Umph. Sure did. Wow, now that I think about it I’ve had quite a few suffering experiences. Umph. Guess I am growing---lol. (deep breath).

One of the last points dude said was that it is only after a desert experience of suffering that you will gain power. Not before, not during, but AFTER. I guess I knew all of this, but it felt so good to hear it from a fresh perspective.

Do not fear any of those things which you are about to suffer. Indeed, the devil is about to throw some of you into prison, that you may be tested, and you will have tribulation ten days. Be faithful until death, and I will give you the crown of life. –Revelation 2:10