Have I mentioned that I’m a book junkie? I know I have in this blog. Books are like potato chips to me. I can’t (buy) just one. And I luuuuv going to the bookstore. I mean, I can go to the bookstore and buy four and five books at a time with no problem. And the Christian bookstore…….oh forget it! I am addicted to the Christian bookstore. I love the Potomac Adventist Bookstore in Silver Spring. I mean, absolutely love it. There’s always a book signing or treat sampling going on. I just love the environment of that store with such a HUGE variety of all types of Christian literature.
But this morning I got sorta a revelation. Ok, actually I got it a couple of nights ago. But this morning it hit me. Every morning I have my television tuned on Christian programming. And every morning it seems like there is a guest promoting his/her Christian book. Ain’t nothing wrong with that just as long as the motives are right. But what I find is that everybody wants to sell their interpretation of the Word of God.
So this morning, I received a revelation that said to me it is in each individual’s studying of the Word that the Lord will speak. One can read the same scripture 10 times, but it may be on that 11th time that the reader “hears” the Lord speak. The only book a Christian need to follow is the Word of God. The Word of God is life. It is amazing how it is written and orchestrated and arranged. The Word had to be inspired and Spiritually written by God because if you go deep you will find some astounding stuff.
For instance, I was watching Pastor Joseph Prince in the wee hours of the morning a few weeks ago. And he was teaching on grace. I had already known that the number 5 represents God’s grace. But he taught something that was so profound. At least it was my first time hearing it. What he said was that in many stories in the Bible when the story mentioned the character’s name the fifth time it was mentioned as God was showing His grace to that character.
So Naomi returned, and Ruth the Moabitess, her daughter-in-law, with her, who returned from the country of Moab. And they came to Bethlehem at the beginning of barley harvest. –Ruth 1:22
In the Book of Ruth, when Ruth’s name was mentioned the fifth time it was when the Lord had laid upon Naomi’s heart to allow Ruth to go back with her to her land. Grace. Joseph Prince had given other examples such as Job, but because the Book of Ruth is probably my favorite Old Testament book I clung on to it.
But that was a revelation the Lord gave to Joseph Prince. And although he shared it with the audience, and although some of us grasped it, it was indeed a revelation for him. But Prince shared it with us, not transferring it into another book and selling the revelation in which God gave him.
Soooo, my thought today is…….why do we feel the need to repackage and sell God’s Word????? Where did this come from? There are so many formats today in which Christians can get the Gospel out for free. There's is Facebook, My Space, and even blogging. But to write one's revelation of the Word, doll it up with a nice cover, and sell it makes me wonder now. I mean, I realize that the Bible can be a little difficult to grasp and understand, and that some people’s books help to interpret the Bible. But I firmly believe that that is the whole idea of getting into the Word......to gain understanding of whom God is and who He wants us to be. Its almost like dating. We don't know everything up front, and it may be intimidating. But when you are studying that person and trying to get to know that person, that is what builds a solid relationship. I mean, can I ever build a relationship with someone through somebody else's opinion of the person??????
I remember when I came across the scripture…… “For what shall it profit a man to gain this whole world, but lose his own soul (Mark 8:36)”, I started crying. That scripture spoke deep to me when I first read it, and it still does. But then to come across the story of the wealthy man in the New Testament who was the ONLY person to come into Jesus’ presence, but left worse than when he came. I was speechless. That revelatory knowledge changed my life! It changed how I viewed money. Sometimes I’d be reading the Word and be like………WHAT!!!!!
But I love books. And I’d be the first to admit that I love teachings from Christian scholars. I really do. Especially, John Bevere. But I have to get to the point where reading my Bible is the only book I read; cause its the only book I need (promise you I ain't trying to rhyme--lol). And I know that the Lord has soooo much more He wants to reveal to me. But through His Word, not through a third-party source.
“Consider carefully what you hear,” he continued. “With the measure you use, it will be measured to you—and even more.” –Mark 4:24
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Friday, October 23, 2009
I Worship You
Happy Friday!!! I’m so glad the weekend is here. Not a lot planned, but the fact that I won’t be on a clock thrills me.
Anyway, so I was listening to Gospel radio this morning and heard the remix to the old 1980s hit, “Work it Out.” Back in the day we used to jam to that song, especially on the part that says………telephone’s disconnect; waiting for my next paycheck; baby need a pair of shoes; momma got a light bill too; WORK IT OUT. But on the remix---the millennium version (lol)---the same singer talks about the same woes although her baby is now all grown up. But I was listening to the remix, in which I hear on the radio all the time, and there’s one part that baffles me. It’s the part where she says she went out the country with her pastor and her choir, but when she got back home there was a foreclosure notice on her door.
Ok, the last thing I want to bang over somebody’s head is the unfortunate choices we’re forced to make in this recession. Being a Realtor, I’ve seen the crooked deals mortgage brokers do just to get people in homes. Thank God…….NONE of my clients has faced or is facing foreclosure. It’s a serious matter that is almost uncontrollable. And so perhaps this singer was a victim of a mortgage scam. Don't know.
But what baffles me is……..why in the heck are you out the country doing “God’s work” when you have home issues you need to take care of?????????????????????? I always wondered about that. Do you pay your mortgage/rent or do you use the money to do “God’s work”? I promise you that what’s on my mind is not about what we think God wants us to do with our money. I promise you--lol.
What is on my mind is…….doing God’s work.
My Associate Pastor said something a couple of weeks ago that is stuck in my head. Every other hour it seems like I’m questioning motives----mostly mine. What he said was that we, as Christians, have to be careful and cognizant of what and who we are worshipping in ministry. He said that there is such a fine line in worshipping God that if we’re not careful we can begin to worship the things of God without realizing it. I love how he gave the example of music ministries and how if we're not careful we can begin to worship the worship.
I was browsing the web and came across a church ministry that boasted they have the best praise and worship. Wow. So now we’re worshipping…….praise and worship. Wow. Then I was watching TBN the other day and heard the commentator comment on their competing station’s slogan of……. “the fastest growing faith-based station in the world.” The commentator made a valid point that it doesn’t even matter who’s growing the fastest. The question is……are we growing in God?????? I’d hate to think that the competitors are worshiping the Christian station in which God blessed them with, but you never know.
Over the last month or so, the Lord revealed to me how He wants me positioned to fulfill His purpose in me. I’m ecstatic and have been busy, busy, busy making plans and preparing budgets and talking to vendors and so forth. But I had to stop myself. I had to slow down and reassess. Because I felt like I was getting to the place where I was worshipping the plan of God and neglecting my worship time WITH God. I can be very rigid and focused. And so when I am tasked to do something I can barely see what’s outside of what I’m doing. That’s a problem. A major problem. But thank God for His Holy Spirit because this week I started to feel really distant from the Lord and I hate feeling like that. It was as if the Holy Spirit tugged at my arm and said........ummmm, you need to focus over here. So I had to pull back from my task.
I was watching the biography of the Newsboys, a Christian rock group from Europe, the other day. These guys are awesome!!! They make awesome music and have really touched the lives of their audiences. But they gave their testimony of how for years they were on tour over 300 nights a year and how they were in heavy demand. But things were happening individually in their lives. One’s marriage was falling apart, another got hooked on alcohol (can you believe that!!), and another was going through a depression. Because what they found out was that their passion for ministering through music could not fill the void. The lead singer expressed that he had come to the point where he had to stop performing because he was worshipping the ministry God had given him. He said they were so engrossed with “bringing others to Christ through their music” that they were neglecting intimacy with the God.
You know, when we think of idolatry I believe we think of worshipping buddah, or zen, or that lady figure (can’t think of her name). But idolatry is anything that comes before God. It can be as innocent as a loved one----spouses and children and friends. Or the things God have blessed us with like businesses and homes and cars and money. And surprisingly, it can be church and ministry. I see people all the time getting so wrapped in “their” ministry that they lose focus of the Creator. It’s a deep thing when we are worshipping the things of God and not realizing that God isn’t really getting the glory out of it. And I think when this happens we block the way in which God wants to move in our lives---for HIS purpose. And eventually we end up failing. Umph.
“If you ever forget the LORD your God and follow other gods and worship and bow down to them, I testify against you today that you will surely be destroyed.” –Deuteronomy 8:19
Anyway, so I was listening to Gospel radio this morning and heard the remix to the old 1980s hit, “Work it Out.” Back in the day we used to jam to that song, especially on the part that says………telephone’s disconnect; waiting for my next paycheck; baby need a pair of shoes; momma got a light bill too; WORK IT OUT. But on the remix---the millennium version (lol)---the same singer talks about the same woes although her baby is now all grown up. But I was listening to the remix, in which I hear on the radio all the time, and there’s one part that baffles me. It’s the part where she says she went out the country with her pastor and her choir, but when she got back home there was a foreclosure notice on her door.
Ok, the last thing I want to bang over somebody’s head is the unfortunate choices we’re forced to make in this recession. Being a Realtor, I’ve seen the crooked deals mortgage brokers do just to get people in homes. Thank God…….NONE of my clients has faced or is facing foreclosure. It’s a serious matter that is almost uncontrollable. And so perhaps this singer was a victim of a mortgage scam. Don't know.
But what baffles me is……..why in the heck are you out the country doing “God’s work” when you have home issues you need to take care of?????????????????????? I always wondered about that. Do you pay your mortgage/rent or do you use the money to do “God’s work”? I promise you that what’s on my mind is not about what we think God wants us to do with our money. I promise you--lol.
What is on my mind is…….doing God’s work.
My Associate Pastor said something a couple of weeks ago that is stuck in my head. Every other hour it seems like I’m questioning motives----mostly mine. What he said was that we, as Christians, have to be careful and cognizant of what and who we are worshipping in ministry. He said that there is such a fine line in worshipping God that if we’re not careful we can begin to worship the things of God without realizing it. I love how he gave the example of music ministries and how if we're not careful we can begin to worship the worship.
I was browsing the web and came across a church ministry that boasted they have the best praise and worship. Wow. So now we’re worshipping…….praise and worship. Wow. Then I was watching TBN the other day and heard the commentator comment on their competing station’s slogan of……. “the fastest growing faith-based station in the world.” The commentator made a valid point that it doesn’t even matter who’s growing the fastest. The question is……are we growing in God?????? I’d hate to think that the competitors are worshiping the Christian station in which God blessed them with, but you never know.
Over the last month or so, the Lord revealed to me how He wants me positioned to fulfill His purpose in me. I’m ecstatic and have been busy, busy, busy making plans and preparing budgets and talking to vendors and so forth. But I had to stop myself. I had to slow down and reassess. Because I felt like I was getting to the place where I was worshipping the plan of God and neglecting my worship time WITH God. I can be very rigid and focused. And so when I am tasked to do something I can barely see what’s outside of what I’m doing. That’s a problem. A major problem. But thank God for His Holy Spirit because this week I started to feel really distant from the Lord and I hate feeling like that. It was as if the Holy Spirit tugged at my arm and said........ummmm, you need to focus over here. So I had to pull back from my task.
I was watching the biography of the Newsboys, a Christian rock group from Europe, the other day. These guys are awesome!!! They make awesome music and have really touched the lives of their audiences. But they gave their testimony of how for years they were on tour over 300 nights a year and how they were in heavy demand. But things were happening individually in their lives. One’s marriage was falling apart, another got hooked on alcohol (can you believe that!!), and another was going through a depression. Because what they found out was that their passion for ministering through music could not fill the void. The lead singer expressed that he had come to the point where he had to stop performing because he was worshipping the ministry God had given him. He said they were so engrossed with “bringing others to Christ through their music” that they were neglecting intimacy with the God.
You know, when we think of idolatry I believe we think of worshipping buddah, or zen, or that lady figure (can’t think of her name). But idolatry is anything that comes before God. It can be as innocent as a loved one----spouses and children and friends. Or the things God have blessed us with like businesses and homes and cars and money. And surprisingly, it can be church and ministry. I see people all the time getting so wrapped in “their” ministry that they lose focus of the Creator. It’s a deep thing when we are worshipping the things of God and not realizing that God isn’t really getting the glory out of it. And I think when this happens we block the way in which God wants to move in our lives---for HIS purpose. And eventually we end up failing. Umph.
“If you ever forget the LORD your God and follow other gods and worship and bow down to them, I testify against you today that you will surely be destroyed.” –Deuteronomy 8:19
Monday, October 19, 2009
Nevertheless
You know you’ve grown in the Lord when you have a nevertheless experience. Wow, there’s so much I want to say in this entry, but in order to get it all out in the allotted time I have (its Monday morning and my to-do list is astounding) I have to choose what I say wisely. So please bear with me.
Over the last few months I’ve been having my nevertheless experience. I can now officially say that I know what it means to surrender my will to God’s will. But with that comes suffering. That is, for Christ. I think we, the church, have gotten it all twisted. I’ve said this time and time again in these entries that we have bought into the false teaching that being a Christian equals success. Like success is the ultimate goal of walking with Christ. You know what baffles me……there are many successful and happy non-believers. If that is so……what separates believers aim for success from non-believers. NOTHING. Because success is not the purpose of us being here on this earth. Success is only a mere benefit to walking with God. It plays a very small part in God’s purpose for our lives.
Just recently I realized that in order for me to be one with the Father, walk in His divine purpose, and have total fulfillment on earth, I have to submit my will to His will. Ok, ok…..yes I, and many others, have said it over and over that we submit ourselves to the will of God. And I’d liked to believe that. But it is a difference in saying it and really living and believing it. I’m just realizing how powerful submitting my will to God’s will is. It’s not an easy prayer to pray. In fact, it is very difficult. It is literally giving your life over to God’s control. How many church folk can say we really do that? I have come to the point where I don’t even pray for specific things in my life because if I am praying for God’s perfect will, but too praying for something that could be potentially against God’s will then one will cancel out. And because God will not go against our will then more than likely my will will win……and I’ll end up losing. You know how that goes.
I’m at the point where I don’t pray for things, that is….material things. Ok, I never really prayed for material things. That’s shallow praying to me. But I don’t pray for specifics like…… “Lord please bless me with money so that I can take the trip to Bermuda with my girlfriends because you know I need a vacation.” Nope; no longer pray that way. I’m understanding more and more that my life is not my life and that every step has to be ordered by the Lord. I seek His will in everything.
I was giving my sister an example of praying God’s will the other day. And was telling her how easy we can mess up God’s perfect will by praying something that seems real innocent or against His will. She’s going through some physical challenges in which require therapy. She hates being at the rehabilitation center; very understandable. But I told her that instead of praying that the Lord will release her from the rehabilitation center, just simply pray that “Lord have your perfect will in me.” As I went on to tell her that while in that center she could meet the doctor who could end up being her husband. Or she could come across a patient that needs her encouragement to live. Or anything. The Lord can use her to be a blessing to somebody or for somebody to be a blessing to her. And running up out of there could potentially allow her to miss a major piece of God’s plan.
Ok, can we talk about the will of God for a moment? Thanks. Ok, there are certain things we know from reading the word that is God’s will for our lives. Abundant life is one. Joy and peace are others. Healing is another. There’s really no need to pray for healing because His word tells us that we are healed. We just need to walk in it. So if we are sick we just need to continue to pray that God’s perfect will be done, and proceed according to the word. Period.
Marriage is another part of God’s will. I hear it time and time again….. “maybe God wants me to be single.” I firmly believe that if there is a desire to be married then God will bring it to pass. When marriage doesn’t come to someone who desires to be married, and I’m talking about a marriage that was ordained by God, then it is a great possibility that they can be walking out of the will of God. Ok, let me rephrase that. I’m not saying that single Christian women are out of the will of God and that’s why they are not married. No I’m not saying that at all. Waiting on God to deliver is a part of God’s will. Patience is a part of God’s will. With everything that is fearfully and wonderfully made, there is a process.
Which brings me to another point. When submitting to the will of God it will cost you something. Ok, ok……I know that Jesus paid the price. But He actually paid the price for our sins, not our suffering here on earth. To really walk in the fullness of God you will have to give up a great part of self. And its usually the part that we’ve built up and held onto for so long. Like my…….. “must be married by 40 to a perfect man” list. That was my plan and my will, but since making that list, I have surrendered and submitted my mind, body, and soul to the Lord. So God’s will doesn’t always bring a loddy doddy life.
It cracks me up how folk want the blessings and benefits of God, but they don’t want to do things God’s way. Things are fine when you’re standing up in front of a crowd delivering a deep message and folk are hollering back with encouragement, or writing in a blog about your Christian experience and getting great feedback. But let it come down to lonely nights where the Lord is saying “I’ve blocked that good man from you because you have submitted to my will and my will says that he’s not willing to submit to the plans I have for you.” Or, “my will is that you fast for 30 days even though it’s your birthday week and you want to celebrate with a nice big birthday cake with your loved ones.” Walking in God’s will is not always easy.
I luuuuv the part in the word that talks about Jesus having doubts about the cross. Everything was fine and dandy until he realized that He was really going to die. I can hear him say……. “ok, now hold-up God I love you and I believe that you can do anything even stop this death from happening. So is there any other way that this can be done?????” But just as He was saying that, he came back with a nevertheless…….. Reading and understanding this example of all examples is when I knew that there is nothing on this earth that I want so bad that I would forfeit God’s perfect plan for me.
Saying, Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done. –Luke 22:42
Over the last few months I’ve been having my nevertheless experience. I can now officially say that I know what it means to surrender my will to God’s will. But with that comes suffering. That is, for Christ. I think we, the church, have gotten it all twisted. I’ve said this time and time again in these entries that we have bought into the false teaching that being a Christian equals success. Like success is the ultimate goal of walking with Christ. You know what baffles me……there are many successful and happy non-believers. If that is so……what separates believers aim for success from non-believers. NOTHING. Because success is not the purpose of us being here on this earth. Success is only a mere benefit to walking with God. It plays a very small part in God’s purpose for our lives.
Just recently I realized that in order for me to be one with the Father, walk in His divine purpose, and have total fulfillment on earth, I have to submit my will to His will. Ok, ok…..yes I, and many others, have said it over and over that we submit ourselves to the will of God. And I’d liked to believe that. But it is a difference in saying it and really living and believing it. I’m just realizing how powerful submitting my will to God’s will is. It’s not an easy prayer to pray. In fact, it is very difficult. It is literally giving your life over to God’s control. How many church folk can say we really do that? I have come to the point where I don’t even pray for specific things in my life because if I am praying for God’s perfect will, but too praying for something that could be potentially against God’s will then one will cancel out. And because God will not go against our will then more than likely my will will win……and I’ll end up losing. You know how that goes.
I’m at the point where I don’t pray for things, that is….material things. Ok, I never really prayed for material things. That’s shallow praying to me. But I don’t pray for specifics like…… “Lord please bless me with money so that I can take the trip to Bermuda with my girlfriends because you know I need a vacation.” Nope; no longer pray that way. I’m understanding more and more that my life is not my life and that every step has to be ordered by the Lord. I seek His will in everything.
I was giving my sister an example of praying God’s will the other day. And was telling her how easy we can mess up God’s perfect will by praying something that seems real innocent or against His will. She’s going through some physical challenges in which require therapy. She hates being at the rehabilitation center; very understandable. But I told her that instead of praying that the Lord will release her from the rehabilitation center, just simply pray that “Lord have your perfect will in me.” As I went on to tell her that while in that center she could meet the doctor who could end up being her husband. Or she could come across a patient that needs her encouragement to live. Or anything. The Lord can use her to be a blessing to somebody or for somebody to be a blessing to her. And running up out of there could potentially allow her to miss a major piece of God’s plan.
Ok, can we talk about the will of God for a moment? Thanks. Ok, there are certain things we know from reading the word that is God’s will for our lives. Abundant life is one. Joy and peace are others. Healing is another. There’s really no need to pray for healing because His word tells us that we are healed. We just need to walk in it. So if we are sick we just need to continue to pray that God’s perfect will be done, and proceed according to the word. Period.
Marriage is another part of God’s will. I hear it time and time again….. “maybe God wants me to be single.” I firmly believe that if there is a desire to be married then God will bring it to pass. When marriage doesn’t come to someone who desires to be married, and I’m talking about a marriage that was ordained by God, then it is a great possibility that they can be walking out of the will of God. Ok, let me rephrase that. I’m not saying that single Christian women are out of the will of God and that’s why they are not married. No I’m not saying that at all. Waiting on God to deliver is a part of God’s will. Patience is a part of God’s will. With everything that is fearfully and wonderfully made, there is a process.
Which brings me to another point. When submitting to the will of God it will cost you something. Ok, ok……I know that Jesus paid the price. But He actually paid the price for our sins, not our suffering here on earth. To really walk in the fullness of God you will have to give up a great part of self. And its usually the part that we’ve built up and held onto for so long. Like my…….. “must be married by 40 to a perfect man” list. That was my plan and my will, but since making that list, I have surrendered and submitted my mind, body, and soul to the Lord. So God’s will doesn’t always bring a loddy doddy life.
It cracks me up how folk want the blessings and benefits of God, but they don’t want to do things God’s way. Things are fine when you’re standing up in front of a crowd delivering a deep message and folk are hollering back with encouragement, or writing in a blog about your Christian experience and getting great feedback. But let it come down to lonely nights where the Lord is saying “I’ve blocked that good man from you because you have submitted to my will and my will says that he’s not willing to submit to the plans I have for you.” Or, “my will is that you fast for 30 days even though it’s your birthday week and you want to celebrate with a nice big birthday cake with your loved ones.” Walking in God’s will is not always easy.
I luuuuv the part in the word that talks about Jesus having doubts about the cross. Everything was fine and dandy until he realized that He was really going to die. I can hear him say……. “ok, now hold-up God I love you and I believe that you can do anything even stop this death from happening. So is there any other way that this can be done?????” But just as He was saying that, he came back with a nevertheless…….. Reading and understanding this example of all examples is when I knew that there is nothing on this earth that I want so bad that I would forfeit God’s perfect plan for me.
Saying, Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done. –Luke 22:42
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Do Me a Favor.......
For the last few months I’ve been really learning the difference between the blessings of God and His favor. Both I think are mere benefits of following Christ and should not be the primary reason for being a Christian. But I gotta be honest…..when blessings and the favor of God happen it makes me feel like the trials and tribulations I go through are all worth it.
About a month ago, my pastor came up to me and told me that the favor of God was all over me. I knew this, but hearing it from him kinda solidified it. I’m blessed constantly. Just the fact that I have a good job, a nice home, the car I WANT, great family and friends, a wonderful church…….the list goes on, remind me of just how blessed I am. But His favor……oh, that’s another story. Can I just say that I have stumbled on some opportunities that are clearly the favor of God.
On Friday, another favor of God came to me. It was late afternoon, about 4pm-ish, and an email came in from Secretary Kathleen Sebelius’ office, the Secretary of the Department of Health and Human Services (HHS), that First Lady Michelle Obama would be speaking at HHS on Tuesday, which was yesterday.
Ok, let me remind you that Monday was a holiday for the Federal government. And usually when a holiday falls on a Monday, the Friday prior most folk are on leave. Fridays are already low-staffed because of the flexible schedule option we are allowed as Federal employees a lot of people either work half day or are already off on Fridays. But it was a holiday Friday, so the office was pretty empty.
Fridays are my best days to work because the office is empty and I can get a lot done---no interruptions. And usually, I work late on Fridays because I hate taking unfinished tasks into the next work week. So I say all of that to say that on last Friday at 4p-ish, I was sitting at my desk working when the email came in.
So I read the email and it stated that Michelle Obama would be speaking at HHS, however there would be limited space so if anyone wanted to attend the event we had to email by Sunday, our name and office. Ok, the email was so strategically planned. HHS has well over 60,000 employees around the country. But a great portion is in the metropolitan area. And so, for the Secretary’s office to send out the email on late Friday afternoon with a response by Sunday they realized that the responses would be narrowed.
When I saw the email I immediately put in my request and then I walked around to other colleagues who were in and asked if they’d read the email. There’s about 70 staff in my office and although a lot were out on Friday, the ones here did put in a request.
On my way to work on Tuesday, Monday was a holiday, I just felt in my Spirit that I had gotten selected to attend the event. I just felt it. It’s that same feeling I get when the Lord approves moves I need to make in my life. Just a peaceful confidence; a very sure feeling with no worry or concern behind it; like a green flashing late.
So I walked in my office and some were complaining that they weren’t here on Friday to put in the request and why it wasn’t on Thursday. Others who were here on Friday were complaining that they hadn’t gotten selected. I kept walking in confidence. I just waved and smiled. When I logged onto my computer the first thing I saw was the email. I opened it up and read the first line………. “I am pleased to inform you that you have been selected……” I was ecstatic! I was one of 250 that were selected to see Michelle Obama up-close.
Can I just say that I luuuuuv our First Lady? Thanks…….. I LUUUUUV MICHELLE OBAMA! She was everything I imagined and witnessed on television, but much more. She is so personable and I felt honored that she grabbed my hand, not an official shake but more of an “I’m in this with you” grab. She held my hand for extended seconds, long enough for me to have her perfumed lotion on my hand, and it was a very warm feeling from her. Let me just say that it was much deeper than a star struck moment for me.
A couple years ago, I was standing in the lobby of a building in downtown DC having a phone conversation with my mother. I randomly stepped in the building because as I was walking to the subway I couldn’t hear her speak. So I stepped in a building’s lobby to finish the conversation and out of nowhere Michael Jackson and one of his security people walked up on me. Michael was doing business in the building and as he was leaving he stopped to admire the mural that was on the wall behind the bench I was sitting on. When I lifted my head I nearly had a heart attack. It was so funny that even Michael Jackson cracked up laughing. Days later I stopped in to chat with the security guard and she told me that my facial expression was priceless. But I say this to say that that was a star-stricken moment for me. However, seeing Michael was no comparison to seeing Michelle.
This morning as I road into work on the train I got teary eyed. I was thinking about the grace and goodness of the Lord. Then I started thinking about all of the stories I heard and read about Michelle Obama saying how when Barack was a senator she was alone because most of his life was in DC, while she was left in Chicago to care for their children. I remember when they were on Oprah a few years ago and Michelle admitted that she felt like a single parent. And I remember Barack looking surprised and saying, “I never knew you felt that way.” Even though it was never mentioned, it was indeed implied that many times Michelle felt like giving up on her marriage.
In contrast, I thought about the many times I wanted to give up on my job. Many of my colleagues were advancing quickly and moving on to other agencies and programs, and at times I felt (feel) like I’m not growing at the level I need to be here. Many times I feel like calling in and not returning. Then there are times when I call in just because I’m sick of being sick and tired. But all in all, I continue on by the grace of God.
Over the last couple of weeks, my pastor has been talking about the process of gaining God’s reward. Of course, the story of the children of Israel suffering in the wilderness on the way to the Promised Land, is always mentioned. And my favorite, the story of Ruth and how she had to go through what she went through to gain her reward. I think my pastor is right, in fact I know he is, when he says that the church gets the purpose of God confused with the position God places us in to fulfill the purpose.
To clarify, in many instances, Christians will not even realize the purpose in which we play in God’s plan. And in many instances, Christians may not even live to see the purpose we play in God’s plan. Like in the story of Ruth where the purpose of what she went through was so that she would be the ancestor of Jesus, and that Jesus would sacrifice His life for us. Of course Ruth realized there was a purpose, but she didn’t go around saying…. “what’s my purpose, I need to find my purpose.” No, Ruth focused on being obedient to the Lord’s will. In that, she positioned herself for God’s purpose. As a result, because of her obedience, God blessed her with a husband who took care of her earthly needs.
So the question for today’s Christians should actually be…. “Lord how and where do you want to position me?” In Ruth’s case, the Lord positioned her in the field. She worked day and night in the field. For me it may be spreading the Gospel in the Federal government. For others it may be doing missions work in the rough parts of Africa, and for others it may be evangelizing at a mega-church. Fulfilling the purposes of God is not always a glamorous assignment. And I think that’s why it’s hard for the church to grasp what it is the Lord wants them to do.
Understanding this, I started thinking about when Michelle grabbed my hand. I started thinking about what would have happened if either she or I would have given up on our jobs and marriage. What would have happened if we would have died in the process; in the wilderness because it didn’t feel good at the time. She of course wouldn’t have been the most famous and admired woman in the world.
But I thought about what would have happened if I would have died in the process? I wouldn’t have been imparted hope, to inspire others to hope, from the most famous and admired woman in the world. I wonder if Michelle realizes the position in which she's taken to fulfill God’s purpose. Probably. But probably not; she’s quite busy these days. God’s favor makes me laugh.
“Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests.” --Luke 2:14
About a month ago, my pastor came up to me and told me that the favor of God was all over me. I knew this, but hearing it from him kinda solidified it. I’m blessed constantly. Just the fact that I have a good job, a nice home, the car I WANT, great family and friends, a wonderful church…….the list goes on, remind me of just how blessed I am. But His favor……oh, that’s another story. Can I just say that I have stumbled on some opportunities that are clearly the favor of God.
On Friday, another favor of God came to me. It was late afternoon, about 4pm-ish, and an email came in from Secretary Kathleen Sebelius’ office, the Secretary of the Department of Health and Human Services (HHS), that First Lady Michelle Obama would be speaking at HHS on Tuesday, which was yesterday.
Ok, let me remind you that Monday was a holiday for the Federal government. And usually when a holiday falls on a Monday, the Friday prior most folk are on leave. Fridays are already low-staffed because of the flexible schedule option we are allowed as Federal employees a lot of people either work half day or are already off on Fridays. But it was a holiday Friday, so the office was pretty empty.
Fridays are my best days to work because the office is empty and I can get a lot done---no interruptions. And usually, I work late on Fridays because I hate taking unfinished tasks into the next work week. So I say all of that to say that on last Friday at 4p-ish, I was sitting at my desk working when the email came in.
So I read the email and it stated that Michelle Obama would be speaking at HHS, however there would be limited space so if anyone wanted to attend the event we had to email by Sunday, our name and office. Ok, the email was so strategically planned. HHS has well over 60,000 employees around the country. But a great portion is in the metropolitan area. And so, for the Secretary’s office to send out the email on late Friday afternoon with a response by Sunday they realized that the responses would be narrowed.
When I saw the email I immediately put in my request and then I walked around to other colleagues who were in and asked if they’d read the email. There’s about 70 staff in my office and although a lot were out on Friday, the ones here did put in a request.
On my way to work on Tuesday, Monday was a holiday, I just felt in my Spirit that I had gotten selected to attend the event. I just felt it. It’s that same feeling I get when the Lord approves moves I need to make in my life. Just a peaceful confidence; a very sure feeling with no worry or concern behind it; like a green flashing late.
So I walked in my office and some were complaining that they weren’t here on Friday to put in the request and why it wasn’t on Thursday. Others who were here on Friday were complaining that they hadn’t gotten selected. I kept walking in confidence. I just waved and smiled. When I logged onto my computer the first thing I saw was the email. I opened it up and read the first line………. “I am pleased to inform you that you have been selected……” I was ecstatic! I was one of 250 that were selected to see Michelle Obama up-close.
Can I just say that I luuuuuv our First Lady? Thanks…….. I LUUUUUV MICHELLE OBAMA! She was everything I imagined and witnessed on television, but much more. She is so personable and I felt honored that she grabbed my hand, not an official shake but more of an “I’m in this with you” grab. She held my hand for extended seconds, long enough for me to have her perfumed lotion on my hand, and it was a very warm feeling from her. Let me just say that it was much deeper than a star struck moment for me.
A couple years ago, I was standing in the lobby of a building in downtown DC having a phone conversation with my mother. I randomly stepped in the building because as I was walking to the subway I couldn’t hear her speak. So I stepped in a building’s lobby to finish the conversation and out of nowhere Michael Jackson and one of his security people walked up on me. Michael was doing business in the building and as he was leaving he stopped to admire the mural that was on the wall behind the bench I was sitting on. When I lifted my head I nearly had a heart attack. It was so funny that even Michael Jackson cracked up laughing. Days later I stopped in to chat with the security guard and she told me that my facial expression was priceless. But I say this to say that that was a star-stricken moment for me. However, seeing Michael was no comparison to seeing Michelle.
This morning as I road into work on the train I got teary eyed. I was thinking about the grace and goodness of the Lord. Then I started thinking about all of the stories I heard and read about Michelle Obama saying how when Barack was a senator she was alone because most of his life was in DC, while she was left in Chicago to care for their children. I remember when they were on Oprah a few years ago and Michelle admitted that she felt like a single parent. And I remember Barack looking surprised and saying, “I never knew you felt that way.” Even though it was never mentioned, it was indeed implied that many times Michelle felt like giving up on her marriage.
In contrast, I thought about the many times I wanted to give up on my job. Many of my colleagues were advancing quickly and moving on to other agencies and programs, and at times I felt (feel) like I’m not growing at the level I need to be here. Many times I feel like calling in and not returning. Then there are times when I call in just because I’m sick of being sick and tired. But all in all, I continue on by the grace of God.
Over the last couple of weeks, my pastor has been talking about the process of gaining God’s reward. Of course, the story of the children of Israel suffering in the wilderness on the way to the Promised Land, is always mentioned. And my favorite, the story of Ruth and how she had to go through what she went through to gain her reward. I think my pastor is right, in fact I know he is, when he says that the church gets the purpose of God confused with the position God places us in to fulfill the purpose.
To clarify, in many instances, Christians will not even realize the purpose in which we play in God’s plan. And in many instances, Christians may not even live to see the purpose we play in God’s plan. Like in the story of Ruth where the purpose of what she went through was so that she would be the ancestor of Jesus, and that Jesus would sacrifice His life for us. Of course Ruth realized there was a purpose, but she didn’t go around saying…. “what’s my purpose, I need to find my purpose.” No, Ruth focused on being obedient to the Lord’s will. In that, she positioned herself for God’s purpose. As a result, because of her obedience, God blessed her with a husband who took care of her earthly needs.
So the question for today’s Christians should actually be…. “Lord how and where do you want to position me?” In Ruth’s case, the Lord positioned her in the field. She worked day and night in the field. For me it may be spreading the Gospel in the Federal government. For others it may be doing missions work in the rough parts of Africa, and for others it may be evangelizing at a mega-church. Fulfilling the purposes of God is not always a glamorous assignment. And I think that’s why it’s hard for the church to grasp what it is the Lord wants them to do.
Understanding this, I started thinking about when Michelle grabbed my hand. I started thinking about what would have happened if either she or I would have given up on our jobs and marriage. What would have happened if we would have died in the process; in the wilderness because it didn’t feel good at the time. She of course wouldn’t have been the most famous and admired woman in the world.
But I thought about what would have happened if I would have died in the process? I wouldn’t have been imparted hope, to inspire others to hope, from the most famous and admired woman in the world. I wonder if Michelle realizes the position in which she's taken to fulfill God’s purpose. Probably. But probably not; she’s quite busy these days. God’s favor makes me laugh.
“Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests.” --Luke 2:14
Monday, October 12, 2009
Fearlessnessity
Ok, ok…..I know that ain’t a word. But I created it. Cause its been on my mind the last couple of months. The meaning of “fearlessnessity” is one claiming to believe God, goes to church, but keeps living a life against His Word. That’s what I call fearlessnessity. I used to think that people call themselves Christians and just really don’t believe that Christ is who He said He is. Cause their actions and character don't show it. But I’m convinced now that many folk just don’t fear God!!! Point blank.
God is real!!!! And He’s real serious!!!
If folk really knew what was happening in the Spiritual realm they would act right. Seriously. Last night at church we had an experience. I mean, we always do. But last night was DEEP. Real deep.
The prophet from Africa is back and he’s come stronger than ever. I said dude must have been doing some deep praying and fasting while he was away because he’s calling out street addresses, names, colors of cars, and more. I thought I had heard enough when he told a dear church member that her husband was currently oversees on business cheating and he called out BOTH of the mistresses names. He told her to go right now and call her husband and tell him that he’s riding in a [certain color] car and that the car is about to be in an accident because satan has commissioned the driver to take his life. He told her to tell him to get out of the car right now, and get on the next flight home. My sister-in-Christ was crying and crying and crying. It was so sad. He did tell her that she would have a baby girl next year which was joyful news since she and her husband have been trying to have a baby for the last six years, and she had given up hope of being a mommy.
You know what……we always here about the goodness of God. And yes, He is indeed good. I’d be the first to holla on that one. But folk don’t realize that when they step out of God’s presence and His perfect will they are on their own. Period. I hear folk say all the time…. “what will be will be cause its all in God’s plan.” That’s absolutely not true. What is true is that God is all-knowing. He knows everything. And He sees everything. But He leaves the choices of our lives up to us. Therefore, God has a perfect plan, but the flesh has a plan in which satan drives that plan. There are two choices in life and so because God knows the consequences of both choices He suggests the answer. But any one of the plans is ours for the choosing.
This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live. --Deuteronomy 30:19
Another thing is that folk don’t realize that when we sin we are opening ourselves up to a world of demonic spirits. Yes, God does indeed forgive when we ask for forgiveness, but those spirits are still there. Me and my eldest sister were having a conversation about pre-marital sex and fornication. Can I just pause here and say that I am proud to be practicing celibacy!!! It’s been a loooooong time coming, and I’ve lost count---lol---but I thank God for walking upright and pure before Him at almost 40 years old. And it ain’t that I’m trying to be perfect its just that I fear God. If He tells me not to do it and I do it anyway, I will suffer the consequences.
I was looking at TBN the other day and I saw an ex-pro football player speaking on grace. It was absolutely wonderful to hear this black, young man talk about the things of God. It delighted my soul. But basically what he said was that we need to “FLIP THE COIN!!” Basically, folk, especially church goers, always give excuses about their sinning and how God forgives, and they’re not perfect, and they’re still human, and God knows their heart, and yada yada. And so dude was like….flip the coin to the other side because the same grace that causes folk to keep on sinning and believe that their sins are forgiven is the SAME grace that keeps us from sinning---its called self-control and its one of the nine fruits of the Spirit.
But me and my sister were having a conversation and we both agreed that when you really understand what’s happening in the spiritual realm and how satan gains access to individuals one would be CRAZY to lay with a man/woman that you are not married to. That’s why I thank God for my Pastor who gives it to us straight. Our leadership preaches that one of the main ways satan accesses us is through sex. Even down to conception and how our parents conceived us; the moods our mothers had when they were pregnant.
When a man ejaculates into a woman not only does he releases the legions of demons that he’s picked up in his lifetime, but also generational curses that he has no control over. When a man and a woman sleeps together and are not married they are out of the will of God and therefore do not have God’s covering. That’s why it is important to be covered by the Blood of Jesus!!! And that’s why deliverance is so important.
The other night, the prophet called out this dude, who had come to church alone. He told dude that the woman he was married to he wasn’t really married to because she had a demonic covenant with a spirit that was still in her. The prophet called out dude wife’s name. The prophet told everybody to get up and pray for dude because he was involved in a satanic marriage that needed God to intervene as soon as possible. He told the dude that the spirit in his wife was so deep and strong that it came from her mother’s side of the family and had been sexually intertwined with his wife and that his wife was well aware that she was married to this demonic spirit.
Last night, dude brought his wife to church. Beautiful girl. To look at the two of them you’d think they would be the perfect couple. The wife had never been to our church so she was sitting there very nervous and you could tell she was uncomfortable. When the prophet called her out and laid his hands on her the demons started fighting back. The girl was crying all over the altar. And the husband was just standing there very supportive, but confused.
There is a lot of stuff going on in this world. And its to the point where everything we do we have to know that we know that we know it is approved by God because if not, we could be playing Russian roulette with our lives. That’s why it is so important to pray that God’s perfect will be done, not for specific things. Because what thing may seems good, may not be the perfect will of God and can get us off His plan. And eventually, we will suffer the consequences for it.
The sad part about is that God will not go against our own selfish desires and will, so he will allow us to leave His presence and do our thing. So maybe it is that folk don’t really believe God. Maybe my original thought was right. I don’t know. I kinda think it is a combination of the two.
But from everlasting to everlasting the LORD’s love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children’s children-with those who keep his covenant and remember to obey his precepts. --Psalm 103:17-18
God is real!!!! And He’s real serious!!!
If folk really knew what was happening in the Spiritual realm they would act right. Seriously. Last night at church we had an experience. I mean, we always do. But last night was DEEP. Real deep.
The prophet from Africa is back and he’s come stronger than ever. I said dude must have been doing some deep praying and fasting while he was away because he’s calling out street addresses, names, colors of cars, and more. I thought I had heard enough when he told a dear church member that her husband was currently oversees on business cheating and he called out BOTH of the mistresses names. He told her to go right now and call her husband and tell him that he’s riding in a [certain color] car and that the car is about to be in an accident because satan has commissioned the driver to take his life. He told her to tell him to get out of the car right now, and get on the next flight home. My sister-in-Christ was crying and crying and crying. It was so sad. He did tell her that she would have a baby girl next year which was joyful news since she and her husband have been trying to have a baby for the last six years, and she had given up hope of being a mommy.
You know what……we always here about the goodness of God. And yes, He is indeed good. I’d be the first to holla on that one. But folk don’t realize that when they step out of God’s presence and His perfect will they are on their own. Period. I hear folk say all the time…. “what will be will be cause its all in God’s plan.” That’s absolutely not true. What is true is that God is all-knowing. He knows everything. And He sees everything. But He leaves the choices of our lives up to us. Therefore, God has a perfect plan, but the flesh has a plan in which satan drives that plan. There are two choices in life and so because God knows the consequences of both choices He suggests the answer. But any one of the plans is ours for the choosing.
This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live. --Deuteronomy 30:19
Another thing is that folk don’t realize that when we sin we are opening ourselves up to a world of demonic spirits. Yes, God does indeed forgive when we ask for forgiveness, but those spirits are still there. Me and my eldest sister were having a conversation about pre-marital sex and fornication. Can I just pause here and say that I am proud to be practicing celibacy!!! It’s been a loooooong time coming, and I’ve lost count---lol---but I thank God for walking upright and pure before Him at almost 40 years old. And it ain’t that I’m trying to be perfect its just that I fear God. If He tells me not to do it and I do it anyway, I will suffer the consequences.
I was looking at TBN the other day and I saw an ex-pro football player speaking on grace. It was absolutely wonderful to hear this black, young man talk about the things of God. It delighted my soul. But basically what he said was that we need to “FLIP THE COIN!!” Basically, folk, especially church goers, always give excuses about their sinning and how God forgives, and they’re not perfect, and they’re still human, and God knows their heart, and yada yada. And so dude was like….flip the coin to the other side because the same grace that causes folk to keep on sinning and believe that their sins are forgiven is the SAME grace that keeps us from sinning---its called self-control and its one of the nine fruits of the Spirit.
But me and my sister were having a conversation and we both agreed that when you really understand what’s happening in the spiritual realm and how satan gains access to individuals one would be CRAZY to lay with a man/woman that you are not married to. That’s why I thank God for my Pastor who gives it to us straight. Our leadership preaches that one of the main ways satan accesses us is through sex. Even down to conception and how our parents conceived us; the moods our mothers had when they were pregnant.
When a man ejaculates into a woman not only does he releases the legions of demons that he’s picked up in his lifetime, but also generational curses that he has no control over. When a man and a woman sleeps together and are not married they are out of the will of God and therefore do not have God’s covering. That’s why it is important to be covered by the Blood of Jesus!!! And that’s why deliverance is so important.
The other night, the prophet called out this dude, who had come to church alone. He told dude that the woman he was married to he wasn’t really married to because she had a demonic covenant with a spirit that was still in her. The prophet called out dude wife’s name. The prophet told everybody to get up and pray for dude because he was involved in a satanic marriage that needed God to intervene as soon as possible. He told the dude that the spirit in his wife was so deep and strong that it came from her mother’s side of the family and had been sexually intertwined with his wife and that his wife was well aware that she was married to this demonic spirit.
Last night, dude brought his wife to church. Beautiful girl. To look at the two of them you’d think they would be the perfect couple. The wife had never been to our church so she was sitting there very nervous and you could tell she was uncomfortable. When the prophet called her out and laid his hands on her the demons started fighting back. The girl was crying all over the altar. And the husband was just standing there very supportive, but confused.
There is a lot of stuff going on in this world. And its to the point where everything we do we have to know that we know that we know it is approved by God because if not, we could be playing Russian roulette with our lives. That’s why it is so important to pray that God’s perfect will be done, not for specific things. Because what thing may seems good, may not be the perfect will of God and can get us off His plan. And eventually, we will suffer the consequences for it.
The sad part about is that God will not go against our own selfish desires and will, so he will allow us to leave His presence and do our thing. So maybe it is that folk don’t really believe God. Maybe my original thought was right. I don’t know. I kinda think it is a combination of the two.
But from everlasting to everlasting the LORD’s love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children’s children-with those who keep his covenant and remember to obey his precepts. --Psalm 103:17-18
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Can You Hear Me Now?????
Had a good conversation with my girlfriend “E” this morning about communication. I’d like to think that because I have a passion for relating to people, that is…..written or verbal, I am a good communicator. Aside from holding a Bachelor’s degree in Public Relations and having much professional experience in relating to people on all levels, I truly have a personal passion for communicating.
In saying that, I have a very low tolerance for folk who lacks communication skills. Ok, I’m not talking about dotting I’s or crossing T’s or speaking proper English. Nope, I’m talking about just being an effective communicator---getting a point across without making irrational generalizations or making the other person feel awkward. That truly bothers me. I’m like….. “just say what you gotta say!!!” And then…… “allow me to say what I have to say!!!” I truly get irritated when things are swept under the rug.
Perhaps it’s the way I was raised. I’ve known “E” since the second grade. We have ALWAYS been upfront and confrontational with one another and to others. When I say confrontational I mean that if either of us is concerned or unsure about something…….oh we will make a phone call. We take time to voice our feelings to one another. And we take time to listen. It’s like…….. “hold up and stop what you’re doing cause I got something to say!” We may not know the outcome, cause to be honest we have had some bad outcomes (lol), but rest assured we’re NEVER left feeling like we didn’t speak our mind to each other. And so I need all of my relationships to be this way. I really do. I need to be able to express myself and I need the other to express them without feeling like our relationship is in jeopardy.
Sometimes I feel stifled in some of my friendships. Ok…….in one of them. I don’t know. I certainly can’t blame another for not being as upfront as I am. And I certainly can’t blame someone for being non-confrontational. But I need to hear you speak; especially if there is a problem with yours truly. I need to know so that we can fix the issue, bury the hatchet, and grow in the relationship. But if we don’t talk about it with each other one and/or two things will happen. Either it will be discussed with a third party, which more than likely breeds negativity. Or it will be put in the mental files for future ammunition. Both are such unhealthy ways to maintain relationships.
Just for the record…….I’ve tried to communicate with this loved one many times in the past. I’ve expressed myself in person, on the telephone, and through email but it doesn’t seem to work. Our friendship is fastly approaching the 10 year mark and it saddens me to feel like I can’t share all of me with her. Ok, wait a minute……I do try but I don’t always get the response I’m looking for so I hold back. What I will say is that what we share, which has been the foundation of our friendship, is always free and open to discuss. But there’s much, much more to me than that past experience. And I want to feel like I can express myself without prejudice. I’m not saying agree with me…….I’m just saying let’s be able to graduate our friendship to deep meaningful conversation. The surface thing is not cutting it. And I feel almost like the friendship is pretentious.
I know I have issues, and probably even in this friendship I’m referring to. But the biggest issue I see is……..lack of patience. Ok, I’m seriously venting today and I need to have time to, so please bear with me. But I feel like there is a lack of patience. I absolutely hate feeling like I’m on a clock when talking to a loved one. Ok, don’t get me wrong…...we don’t always have time to have long drawn out conversations so there are times when its just a quick…… “hey on my way to such and such, just checking on you.” But I like to know that I can not only talk to my loved ones about ANYTHING, but also at ANYTIME. I need to be free to be me. And free to express me. And I need you to be free as well.
Every time I think about conversations and communication I remember one of my other girlfriends was dealing with a personal situation that actually stemmed from a childhood incident and fested into her adult years. But I remember one morning she called me and whatever either one of us had planned was not as important as my girlfriend’s feelings. I remember she and I talked on the phone straight from 9:00a on that Saturday morning to about 8:30p that night. And we only got off the phone because she got a call in the middle of our conversation inviting her to a social function. She really needed to get out. So she clicked over and asked me to go with her. I was in the bed. Not planning to go anywhere. But I jumped up and we went out and had one of the best nights with old buddies. We resumed our conversation the next day.
I’m a communicator and I truly expect my relationships to be open to communicate. For the most part, they are. I mean, I’m never left feeling like I’m leaning on my own understanding. Only with that one friend. I always feel like I’ve got to read between the lines. It’s nerve racking. And so juvenile. Sometimes she’ll make these generalizations and even if they are not intended for me, I somehow get hit in the crossfire.
The other issue for her not being a communicator is the lack of family values. Just calling it how I see it. I come from strong family values. And so we express ourselves freely. If you are in my inner circle I need to hear from you. And I’m not putting you on a clock or calendar, but I need to have some type of regular contact with you; because my loved ones are a part of me. Most of my family is on Facebook so within the last year we have really been current in each others daily lives. But we still do the check-ins. Ok, one of my sisters will call 50 times a day just to say….. “what you doing?” I be like…….uh the same thing I was doing two minutes ago. And I’m sure I do the same thing to her and others. I too get the random phone calls…… “where are you?” I remember hearing that a friend of a friend was offended because this question was asked in the courtship process. I laughed; because for me and my loved ones it’s just standard communication.
I don’t know. It’s obviously bothering me. What exactly is bothering me…..I really can’t express it (lol). Ok, yes I can. It bothers me that a friend can’t be totally opened and honest. But it hurts me that they will not allow me time, space, and freedom to do so. It’s very hurting. And it is difficult for me to maintain friendships if the communication is off.
Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body.……. ---Ephesians 4:25
In saying that, I have a very low tolerance for folk who lacks communication skills. Ok, I’m not talking about dotting I’s or crossing T’s or speaking proper English. Nope, I’m talking about just being an effective communicator---getting a point across without making irrational generalizations or making the other person feel awkward. That truly bothers me. I’m like….. “just say what you gotta say!!!” And then…… “allow me to say what I have to say!!!” I truly get irritated when things are swept under the rug.
Perhaps it’s the way I was raised. I’ve known “E” since the second grade. We have ALWAYS been upfront and confrontational with one another and to others. When I say confrontational I mean that if either of us is concerned or unsure about something…….oh we will make a phone call. We take time to voice our feelings to one another. And we take time to listen. It’s like…….. “hold up and stop what you’re doing cause I got something to say!” We may not know the outcome, cause to be honest we have had some bad outcomes (lol), but rest assured we’re NEVER left feeling like we didn’t speak our mind to each other. And so I need all of my relationships to be this way. I really do. I need to be able to express myself and I need the other to express them without feeling like our relationship is in jeopardy.
Sometimes I feel stifled in some of my friendships. Ok…….in one of them. I don’t know. I certainly can’t blame another for not being as upfront as I am. And I certainly can’t blame someone for being non-confrontational. But I need to hear you speak; especially if there is a problem with yours truly. I need to know so that we can fix the issue, bury the hatchet, and grow in the relationship. But if we don’t talk about it with each other one and/or two things will happen. Either it will be discussed with a third party, which more than likely breeds negativity. Or it will be put in the mental files for future ammunition. Both are such unhealthy ways to maintain relationships.
Just for the record…….I’ve tried to communicate with this loved one many times in the past. I’ve expressed myself in person, on the telephone, and through email but it doesn’t seem to work. Our friendship is fastly approaching the 10 year mark and it saddens me to feel like I can’t share all of me with her. Ok, wait a minute……I do try but I don’t always get the response I’m looking for so I hold back. What I will say is that what we share, which has been the foundation of our friendship, is always free and open to discuss. But there’s much, much more to me than that past experience. And I want to feel like I can express myself without prejudice. I’m not saying agree with me…….I’m just saying let’s be able to graduate our friendship to deep meaningful conversation. The surface thing is not cutting it. And I feel almost like the friendship is pretentious.
I know I have issues, and probably even in this friendship I’m referring to. But the biggest issue I see is……..lack of patience. Ok, I’m seriously venting today and I need to have time to, so please bear with me. But I feel like there is a lack of patience. I absolutely hate feeling like I’m on a clock when talking to a loved one. Ok, don’t get me wrong…...we don’t always have time to have long drawn out conversations so there are times when its just a quick…… “hey on my way to such and such, just checking on you.” But I like to know that I can not only talk to my loved ones about ANYTHING, but also at ANYTIME. I need to be free to be me. And free to express me. And I need you to be free as well.
Every time I think about conversations and communication I remember one of my other girlfriends was dealing with a personal situation that actually stemmed from a childhood incident and fested into her adult years. But I remember one morning she called me and whatever either one of us had planned was not as important as my girlfriend’s feelings. I remember she and I talked on the phone straight from 9:00a on that Saturday morning to about 8:30p that night. And we only got off the phone because she got a call in the middle of our conversation inviting her to a social function. She really needed to get out. So she clicked over and asked me to go with her. I was in the bed. Not planning to go anywhere. But I jumped up and we went out and had one of the best nights with old buddies. We resumed our conversation the next day.
I’m a communicator and I truly expect my relationships to be open to communicate. For the most part, they are. I mean, I’m never left feeling like I’m leaning on my own understanding. Only with that one friend. I always feel like I’ve got to read between the lines. It’s nerve racking. And so juvenile. Sometimes she’ll make these generalizations and even if they are not intended for me, I somehow get hit in the crossfire.
The other issue for her not being a communicator is the lack of family values. Just calling it how I see it. I come from strong family values. And so we express ourselves freely. If you are in my inner circle I need to hear from you. And I’m not putting you on a clock or calendar, but I need to have some type of regular contact with you; because my loved ones are a part of me. Most of my family is on Facebook so within the last year we have really been current in each others daily lives. But we still do the check-ins. Ok, one of my sisters will call 50 times a day just to say….. “what you doing?” I be like…….uh the same thing I was doing two minutes ago. And I’m sure I do the same thing to her and others. I too get the random phone calls…… “where are you?” I remember hearing that a friend of a friend was offended because this question was asked in the courtship process. I laughed; because for me and my loved ones it’s just standard communication.
I don’t know. It’s obviously bothering me. What exactly is bothering me…..I really can’t express it (lol). Ok, yes I can. It bothers me that a friend can’t be totally opened and honest. But it hurts me that they will not allow me time, space, and freedom to do so. It’s very hurting. And it is difficult for me to maintain friendships if the communication is off.
Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body.……. ---Ephesians 4:25
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
A Step Out
Ok, so for the last 14 days I took some quality time for just me and God. I needed it. I cut out food, socializing, the internet, and all secular activity to devote time with my Savior. Lots of revelation and breakthrough. I needed it. I needed to hear from God. And He spoke loud and clear.
In just 14 short days, my life has changed. I literally feel myself at a higher level. Thanks for checking in daily only to find that I wasn’t here. But I’m back and I’m sure I will have lots to talk about in the next few days. Right now I just want to eat something really good, and sit in front of the television. God Bless!!!
In just 14 short days, my life has changed. I literally feel myself at a higher level. Thanks for checking in daily only to find that I wasn’t here. But I’m back and I’m sure I will have lots to talk about in the next few days. Right now I just want to eat something really good, and sit in front of the television. God Bless!!!
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