Christian Living

He Speaks!!!

jillmarinamorris@hotmail.com (Jill) — Fri, 11 Dec 2009 15:48:00 +0000

Whew!! Seems like forever since I logged in. Truth is……a lot has been going on. And since it’s the holidays an extra-lot is going on---lol. You know with the family and my loved ones and all. And us being true-blue holiday people. But other than that, I’ve been real distant from my house cause I’ve been on the go. Church is definitely my second home now.

Had a meeting with my pastor last week and he hit me with a ton of bricks. He said he saw some things in the Spirit that I needed to “be delivered from”. I tried to convince him that I was next to perfect, but he just looked at me like I was really crazy and like I needed more deliverance than he saw---LOL. But one thing I know without doubt is that my pastor cares a lot about his flock. So I followed his instructions and asked the Lord to give me the revelation. Whew…..why did I ask that??? Over the weekend the Lord revealed it to me and ummmmm it’s heavy.

For the last week or so, I’ve been doing a lot of praying and fasting. And you know how I do when I’m in deep intimacy with the Lord……yes yes I refrain from the internet including blogging. Soooooo……………………if you don’t hear from me its only because the Lord has my full and undivided attention. I don’t want to miss NOTHING He is saying to me. Got it? Good. I’ll try to check in a couple more times before the holidays. But I can’t promise.

The man who has accepted it has certified that God is truthful. For the one whom God has sent speaks the words of God, for God gives the Spirit without limit. The Father loves the Son and has placed everything in his hands. ---John 3:33-35

Can YOU Hear Me Now!!!

jillmarinamorris@hotmail.com (Jill) — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 20:52:00 +0000

Ok, I got a new millennium shock over the weekend. For some odd reason, my cell phone went dead. That wouldn’t be so bad if my cable wasn’t out. Yep, on last Wednesday, the day before Thanksgiving, I got home only to find that I had no television. When I went to turn on the T.V. in my room it was blank. Staring confused I then ran into the living room and that too was blank. I was pissed.

After running around the city on Thanksgiving Eve looking for a ham, yeah my mother sprung on the “just bring a ham” at the last minute, by the time I got home it was way too late to call Comcast. So I spent the evening reading the new Allure magazine and fell asleep mid-way through.

On Thanksgiving morning, after spending some time on the phone with “E”, I got dressed, packed up the ham, packed my clothes, and headed to Waldorf to spend Thanksgiving with my family.

On Friday, I had to work. But since my oldest sister is still in Ghana, I decided to take my 10 year-old niece to work with me. I had the day planned…….set her up in an empty cubicle, keep her busy so that I could finish my project that is due this week. At lunchtime I had a little surprise for my niece. Since we were downtown, I took her to the National Museum of African Art, then to the new pizza joint to get some lunch. The day was perfect. And we had fun. We even got caught in the rain and laughed and screamed as we got soaked.

On Friday, the day went swiftly. By the time we looked up it was well after 4:00 p.m. So we packed up and jumped on the train back to my mother’s. I had to make a mad dash in since I needed to freshen up for Friday evening service at church. By the time I got to church I was exhausted, but I was determined to stay the entire service. And I’m glad I did because my Pastor did a special “praying over the mantle” service.

But then I thought about something…….I had forgotten to call Comcast!!!

Saturday morning I got up to do my Saturday-thingy and while I was out and about I remembered that I needed to call Comcast. As I sat in my car I called for a service tech only to discover that the first available date for repair wouldn’t be until mid-week. My heart sank. No T.V. all weekend!!!! But what made matters worse is that Comcast holds the magic key to my home-entertainment. I got one of those stupid bundle packages. So when the cable is out, so are the internet and my home phone. So I was stuck. And frustrated. Cause I really wanted to stay home and chill. It had been a while since I’ve been home the entire weekend without an agenda, and I wanted to spend a great portion of my weekend catching up on some T.V. Or at least surf the net. But nope it couldn’t happen.

On Sunday after church, usually I’d rush home to take an afternoon nap, watch my favorite religious programming, and get up about 5pm-ish to get ready for the work week. But I had no television to go home to and it just seemed a little lonely and boring. So I decided to have brunch with my sisters-in-Christ at Busboys and Poets.

After we’d finished, as I was riding home, I decided to scan my missed emails on my cell and listen to missed messages. I also sent out a few text messages. When I got home I was soooo exhausted. So I took a quick shower, and then got in the bed. Then I heard my cell phone vibrating. As I went to answer it, it wouldn’t pick up. Then it died out. So I put it on the charger and even though it “came back to life”, it wouldn’t allow me to dial. I could not figure the darn thing out. Then the phone rang again and I could see that it was my mother calling me. And then the light indicated that she left a message. I panicked because my mother NEVER leaves messages. But I couldn’t answer it.

So I threw on some jeans and my jacket and I drove to the 7-11 to use the pay phone. Of course my mother didn’t want anything major, but I got frustrated. I mean, not that I wanted it to be major, but that I was inconvenienced. I explained to her what happened---that I was going crazy not having no way to communicate; especially in case of emergency. After I hung up with her, I made a few more calls at the pay phone and then went back in the house. All night my phone was buzzing like crazy. Some I could see who was calling and others I couldn’t. I was going ballistic.

This morning, my mother called me at work to check on me. After Sprint told me that I couldn’t get a replacement for another 2-3 days, and Comcast not being able to get out until Wednesday I sorta slowed my anger down; patience started kicking in. But my mother said something to me this morning that is still ringing in my ear. After I told her that I had NOTHING, she responded with……. “well you got Jesus!!”

I remember when rapper Lil Kim was going to jail she made a comment that I never forgot. She said that you never know that Jesus is all you need, until He is all you have. And that is sooooo true. My situation could have been another way, but He knows what He is doing.

See, most would look at this situation as God being mad or God not working for my good, but actually He is. See, I firmly believe that the Lord took all of my communication-entertainment vehicles away so that I could spend some intimate time with HIM. I’m sure He’s been missing me since I’ve been on my own agenda the last couple of weeks. Being without my phones, television, and internet allows me time to read my Word. And put in some quality prayer time. And that’s exactly what I plan to do this evening.

Never lag in zeal and in earnest endeavor; be aglow and burning with the Spirit, serving the Lord. Rejoice and exult in hope; be steadfast and patient in suffering and tribulation; be constant in prayer. –Romans 12:11-12

It Takes a Village

jillmarinamorris@hotmail.com (Jill) — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 16:23:00 +0000

I got up this morning feeling ucky, sluggish. Probably had something to do with that burger I ate last night. I hate eating late and lying down on a full stomach. Anyway…..ain’t nothing a little prayer couldn’t cure. When I got in the shower I asked the Lord to take away the ill mood and by the time I put my clothes on I was skipping around the house. My joy is back!!

Ok, so as I was riding the Metro this morning coming into work I witnessed a rare incident. There was a Caucasian family (looked like mother, father, small child, grandparents, and aunt and uncle) riding the Metro downtown. Apparently, they must have been tourists because they were looking around in amazement and held their farecards in their hands as not to lose them. The little boy who looked to be four years old was excited. He was riding on the train and although the train was crowded he was still…….a little boy.

After a few minutes, an old man sat in the seat next to the little boy but the little boy kept fidgeting in his seat. I could tell that the old man’s patience was being tested. At one turn the little boy would hold on tight and make noise, and when the train sped up the little boy tried to stand up. The old man who obviously looked like he was considering immediate retirement, put his book away as he couldn’t concentrate. Without missing a scene, the little boy’s father looked across the aisle at his son and said, “park it!” The little boy’s face was disappointed, but he sat down and parked it. He was so still he looked like he didn't want to move his head to look at his mother. In fact, when it was time for them to get off the train, 12 stops later, the little boy’s mother had to wake him up.

I wanted to get up and hug and kiss that little boy’s father. I really did. Because he only needed to speak one time to get his child’s full attention. The little boy didn’t even gripe back. He was sooo obedient. He obviously knows his father--the commander-in-chief. And I was even more impressed that his mother didn’t rescue him. Usually moms console their children after the dad whips out the authority. But she supported her husband’s orders. And so did the grandparents, and aunt and uncle. And I was loving every minute of it.

Over this past weekend, I was having a conversation with one of my long time girlfriends. I’m the Godmother of her son, and also served as a bridesmaid in her wedding. As we were catching up, she told me something so profound. She said that you can tell the true character of a person by the way their children act. I thought long and hard about her statement and had to agree that children are the fruit of their parents. So all weekend I kept thinking about all of the people I know with children and then thought about them and their children and said to myself……WOW!!!

I have a confession to make. I have to admit that one of the things I looked at when I joined my church was my Pastor and First Lady's family dynamic. I remember seeing my Sr. Pastor’s (who is my First Lady's father) teenage son praying earnestly in the corner one Sunday and said to myself……this is the church I want to be at. And I mean, ALL of their children are living for God. And their personal relationship with God is quite evident.

As I thought about that little boy on the train this morning it came to me that it truly takes a village to raise a child. My oldest sister is in Africa for a couple of weeks and so my 10 year old niece is left in the care of the entire family. Several of us have our scheduled days to stay at my sister’s so that my niece will not miss school.

Over the weekend, I was on duty. And so I had to take my niece with me to my church meeting on Saturday. After the meeting a few people complimented my niece’s mannerism and behavior. And although I wanted to take the credit, because I gave her precise instructions to sit on the sofa and read her book, it is my sister and brother-in-law who have instilled great values in her. And we, the family, support them. My sister makes it clear that her household is not a democracy, but a dictatorship. My niece doesn’t make decisions and neither does my sister try to be my niece’s friend. She’s the mother and what she says goes. And because it’s an understanding that was established in the womb, my niece knows no other way.

This Thanksgiving I am truly thanking God for my family raising great offspring. I have wonderful nieces and nephews in whom we have all raised. Any of them know that they can call me if they need some motivation/and or straight talk, or they can call my other sister if they need some educational advice (she's a teacher), or they can call my aunt in New York if they need spiritual guidance (she's a Pastor's wife), or they can call my mother if they need money, or they can call whoever to get whatever.

There’s no “I’m a single parent” excuse that is tolerated in my family. My mother was going through a divorce when I was born and so my grandparents and great-grandparents stepped in. My sisters were also single parents, but they survived because we all did our part. I’m proud that we have made a silent pact that we would get all of the kids to college. So far, so good. There have been bumps along the way, but we’re not giving up on our children. They're all mannerable and respectful, and walk a tightrope. Cause we ain’t having it no other way.

Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it. –Proverbs 22:6

Is It Worth It??????

jillmarinamorris@hotmail.com (Jill) — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 21:26:00 +0000

Sometimes I sit back and wonder what’s the difference between the saved and the unsaved---other than eternal life? I mean, some of us saved folk are praying for countless things that the unsaved seem to get effortlessly. I mean, I don’t ask for big stuff just that my bills are paid, a good man to laugh/live with, a happy/healthy family, and a few splurges every now and again. With that…..I’m good. But the unsaved seems to have that too---and much more.

You know what…..as I’m typing, the word SEEMS is jumping out. I know this is jumping a little to the left, but is it just me or do y’all freak out when couples who seem to have the best relationships make the “we’re splitting” announcement? I’m always like…… “but y’all seemed so happy.” But it’s the behind the scenes that I guess we overlook. I guess we, or I, base blessings off of what SEEMS to be right. But I know that’s a fallacy. Cause I refuse to believe that living for Christ is more of a disadvantage here on earth than an advantage.

But sometimes…….sometimes the human side will be boastful and step up with the “now what” attitude. I mean, I do know couples who are keeping their marriage/relationships in tact and ain’t living for God. Well, they claim to be but they bear no fruit. And I do know folk with successful careers and are able to vacation all around the world at moment’s notice. And I do know folk who laugh hysterically and every night is a celebration or night on the town. And again, they ain’t living for God.

So I ask again……what is the difference between the saved and the unsaved here on earth?

I’ve been working on a real estate deal for the last five months. I have a $600,000 house on the market that has been marked down to an affordable $399,000. And the house will not sell. I’ve been showing it every weekend since June, and trying to do follow-up calls with agents. I’ve completed all the paperwork, spoke and pleaded with the bank (oh, did I mention…..it’s a short-sale), and have been a strong shoulder for my clients to cry on because uhhh, time is running out and their credit is in serious jeopardy. Not to mention their dream is slowly pouring down the drain.

According to my calculations, I could walk away with a nice $12,000 commission if indeed the house sells, which brings me to my current financial situation……not real good these days. I mean, I still live comfortable----a cute, cozy condo in a nice zip code. And I still am able to drive my dream car. And I still eat whatever the heck I want for dinner. But I have little room to do extras. I mean, I can’t just on a whim say…….. “I’m hopping a flight to the Bahamas this weekend with my girls.” No, no, no. Its been a while since I had that flexibility in my finances. Nor can I afford to plan a nice holiday dinner party for family and close friends. Shucks, in fact…….I think gift giving will be deferred again this year. I just don’t have it like that these days.

December is a funny month. Its like……. “let’s make all the unplanned bills due for Jill in December and give her a short deadline so that we can mess up her mood for the holidays.” Ok, did I mention that this time of year is my FAVORITE!!! Well, it is. So just like clock work……I got hit with some wild, unplanned bills.

A couple of days ago, I got hit with a personal property tax bill for several hundred bucks that is due by December 3rd. The funny thing is I don’t ever remember paying for additional taxes outside of my property taxes in which my mortgage company pays directly. Then, I was sent a doctor bill for a minor procedure I had done back in July that I thought my insurance had paid. That was another couple hundred dollars.

In the beginning of the year when I had a few extra bucks I did something unusual and eliminated all of my monthly fixed bills for the year. I got real comfortable not paying those extra monthly bills, but got a wake-up call when State Farm Insurance sent me a $1,000 bill to renew my insurance that is due…….in December.

If bills piling on bills ain’t enough……everybody and their momma seem to have me on their celebration invitation list. From baby showers to farewell celebrations to birthday bashes to housewarmings to homegoings……..I’m invited. And though I love celebrating with folk….especially with down home good folk, I always feel obligated to not attend empty handed. Those too are unplanned and unexpected expenses that could drive a sistah crazy.

Ok, so yesterday I got an offer on my listing. Yaay! Yep, a real good offer. And it accompanies some good buyers with a good buyer’s agent. I like working with competent folk in this real estate business. It’s just less drama. Those type of agents, me priding myself for being one, know that it could be a win/win/win/win situation across the board if we play the cards right. All was in place. But then I got hit. With another bill. And this one was serious.

Somehow in all of my personal/business financial mess……I overlooked paying my Realtor Association dues which was due in September. Just as an FYI, not that you care, but if one doesn’t pay their dues/fines……uh your license will be revoked immediately. So I get a call from my broker saying that if I don’t pay $600 bucks by December 15th then…….my license will be revoked. In a perfect world that would be a-ok because……I got an offer that could put several thousand dollars in my pocket making it a drop in the bucket to pay my dues. But since I ain’t living in a perfect world this doesn’t apply. See, the offer is scheduled to close on January 15, 2010. That’s one month later than I need it to be.

So I called my broker back and inquired about this pending deal that is due to close a month after my license is to be revoked if I don’t pay the dues. And he simply replied, “Jill it is against the law to pay a commission to a non-realtor.” My heart sank. But then it sank even more because he said that my deal will be handed over to another agent in the office…..in which he/she would get the commission. (Deep breath) that’s my six months of work down the drain. Again, that’s $12,000 I would lose out on.

So I ask again……what is the difference between the saved and the unsaved here on earth?

I’ll tell you what the difference is………it’s the peace of God. Can I say that I ain’t worried!!!! I’ve said this time and time again that living for Christ has many, many benefits and rewards that at certain times it doesn’t feel like it. But if for no other reward or benefit, the peace of God is worth living for Christ. I mean, I got bills that can make or break me that are due in the next 30 days, but I’m at peace. In addition to that, its some other serious issues that I’m going through personally that just hit in the last few weeks that have changed my life. But I’m good. As a matter of fact, my Facebook status this morning read, “Feeling real good this morning.” I love the peace of God.

[pause]

Ok, let me tell you how God works!!!! I was about to end the last paragraph and insert one of my favorite scriptures to close this entry but I got a phone call from my broker. Why dude just tell me not to worry about getting the money to pay my dues because he’ll close my deal for me and “gift” me the commission. Tell me God ain’t good!!!!!!! That’s why I live for Him. I can’t think of no other way to live!!!!

May the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen. –Hebrews 13:20-21

Say What?!?!?

jillmarinamorris@hotmail.com (Jill) — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 16:17:00 +0000

(Deep breath). Did I mention that a prophet from Africa was in town and running a revival at my church? Did I mention that the prophet is so deep that he calls out names, addresses, telephone numbers, license plates, and more??? Well, the prophet was here and he went through our church and cleaned house!!!! My pastor told us that by the time the prophet left we would never be the same. And its soooo true. Within one week my life has changed.

I think that I mentioned a dream I had back in 2004 in one of my entries. Actually, I’m sure I did. Probably in an entry last year. But just to recap the dream……I dreamt that I was about to marry this guy and we were standing at the altar just he and I, and his mom. His mom loooooved me. She really wanted us to work. But when I looked at the guy he was actually a little boy. In fact, in the dream I could see that his tux was too big for him.

Anyway…..so in the dream me and the “little boy” were standing at the altar and apparently there were some doubts because in reality I ain’t marrying nobody if my loved ones can’t be there; especially if his loved one---his mother---was there. But apparently there were some doubts or issues in the dream because the church was empty. Over the years as I tried to make some sense of the dream, the mother was apparently trying to counsel us---perhaps trying to mend an issue before the wedding. I don’t know. All I know is that I ran out of the church and into the rain. As I was running through the rain, I was also running in mud. But my wedding dress would not get muddy. My white dress stayed clean.

Then in that same dream……the scene switched. This time I was in a luxury car; in fact it was a champaign-colored Rolls Royce. And I was riding in it with my husband. Apparently, he and I had just gotten married and was riding from the church to the reception. I was soooo happy. I was in love with this man. But when I looked at him he was an older man. Almost like he was old enough to be my father. And although I was extremely happy with him, I was sad. It was such a mixed emotion that I couldn’t understand.

In reality, over the years, me and my girlfriends tried to analyze the dream. It is quite obvious that the guy I was going to marry at first symbolized “childishness” and the guy that I ended up with symbolizes “maturity”. But what I couldn’t understand was the mixed emotion part. I couldn’t understand that if I was so happy, what was making me so sad.

Anybody who knows me knows that I am very, very careful in making decisions. I’m very much into being true to myself and not jumping into situations just to go with the flow or because its “the right thing to do.” I’m not one to ignore the warning signs and I will halt a “good thing” if it doesn’t feel right to me. The only thing that trumps my personal feelings about an issue or situation is if I know that I know I am hearing from God. In saying that…….it is very understandable why I left the childish guy at the altar in the dream.

Before I go any further, let me just say that the first part of the dream actually unfolded and revealed itself to me over the last two years---lol. Yes, yes……the guy, the mother and her love for us, the halt in the relationship, and me running out has all come to reality in the last two years. And I now feel like I am in the part of the dream where I’m running through the rain in the mud, but am not getting dirty.

Ok, so the prophet came to my church last week. I’d like to think that I’m pretty in tuned to myself--lol. I’m a very introspective type of individual. If there is an issue I look within me first before I attack outside. Ok, at least I try to---lol. Solving the problem in me is my heart’s desire. If there is an issue I seek God for direction cause normally if I can admit my fault and take ownership of any wrong I did it usually smoothes things over. I’m learning that I have no control over the other. But if I come correct with God I know that at least my side is clear. So if the prophet was to tell me anything about me I know it has to be confirmation to what I already know. Cause not a lot get pass me---lol.

Please bear with me. I’m jumping from subject to subject but I promise you it will all come together at the end.

Anyway……so a few weeks ago me and one of my best girlfriends had a disagreement. It’s nothing unusual for us to disagree on an issue, but this disagreement was deep. Not the subject of the disagreement, but the actions and motives behind the disagreement. It was really, really weird. It almost felt like a dark force was orchestrating it. It felt beyond my control. To me it just didn’t make sense. So I prayed about it and asked God for direction. He gave it to me and I proceeded how I was instructed. But it kinda made it worse. Usually when issues like this occur I take my hands off and withdraw. Because I know it’s an issue working in the spiritual realm.

For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. --Ephesians 6:12

For the past few weeks I have been totally silent. I took my hands off and I sat still. I didn’t call, nor did I make any contact with my girlfriend. I withdrew and was actually at peace with it. Another girlfriend who is friends with the both of us actually called me and we discussed the issue somewhat. The physical side of me needed to vent. It was harmless for I know that the girlfriend I vented to is a confidant and she’s not going to take sides. In fact, she’ll give it to me straight. Strange thing is that she too was speechless and had nothing to say.

So then Sunday came. Sunday, Sunday. Sunday was supposed to be the last day that the prophet was to be at my church. I wasn’t expecting a prophecy although everybody and their momma was getting one. I was content and happy to hear everybody else’s prophecies----especially the ones he gave to my sister.

Anyway, so I was sitting in the back of the church and the prophet instructed the congregation to walk up to the altar and place our car keys in his hand, but take them back immediately. Now….out of ALLLLLL the people in the church, two of us car keys fell to the floor---me and another lady’s. So the prophet called the lady back up and he prophesied over her. And then he called me up. What he told me broke my heart. Let me just say that I am not led to tell the prophecy on this public medium, but I will say that the sadness I felt in my dream as I was celebrating my marriage with my husband was the same sadness I felt when the prophet revealed to me about a certain person I held dear in my life. The reason why I was sad in the dream was because the person I thought would be happy to share in my happiness and joy is not at all happy for me.

My prayer is always that the Lord will not only open doors, but that He would CLOSE doors too. Sometimes we must allow doors to close in order to get to where God wants to take us.

.........And we have the word of the prophets made more certain, and you will do well to pay attention to it, as to a light shining in a dark place, until the day dawns and the morning star rises in your hearts. Above all, you must understand that no prophecy of Scripture came about by the prophet's own interpretation. For prophecy never had its origin in the will of man, but men spoke from God as they were carried along by the Holy Spirit. –2 Peter 1:18-21

A Deeper Relationship

jillmarinamorris@hotmail.com (Jill) — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 01:51:00 +0000

Lord knows I ain’t try’na confess no sickness……..but my back and neck hurt. Its hard to tell if its sinus stuff or just plain ole body ache from serving God. I mean, I literally praised God last night in church until I had a black and blue knot on my knee when I got home. Don’t know if it was from kneeling on my knees in prayer or if it was after my pastor laid hands on me from behind that I fell under the anointing. All I know is that I hurt today. So much so that I couldn’t go to work.

Ok, so I had been thinking about something for the last few days and am now just beginning to write about it; you know…..release. Ok, so I think I finally figured something out about church folk. Call me slow, but I’m just able to get the revelation. It’s the difference between quantity and quality Christians. I think in the last few years we’ve identified the dividing line in Christianity between those who have religion and those who have relationship. Of course, relationship is what we really need. Back in the Bible days they called religious people Pharisees. But now that the church realizes we need relationship over religion we still have to dig a little deeper because there are those who measure their relationships in terms of quantity and those who really seek a quality relationship with the Lord. There are two types of Christians. And one of us is in trouble----as T.D. Jakes would say.

Ok, so I have this sister-in-Christ who I firmly believe loves the Lord, but I think there is a battle in her to be validated or recognized as a true Christian; a true example of a Christian. And I say this because…….well, the Bible says that we are judged by the fruits we bear. But instead of allowing the Lord to break her so that He can work fully in her---you know really showing the character of God and not a super Christian---she boasts about her interactions with God. Ok, I don’t know how to put it in words. Basically, she shines her light instead of letting her light shine. These type of people come off very cocky and arrogant, and not having the true nature of God upon their lives. And I firmly believe that the best witness we can have is by allowing God to work through us, not us working Him in us according to our selfishness. In other words, a lot of us can see straight through her.

For instance, she’ll say stuff like…….. “I have been praying before the Lord for eight hours straight.” Or, “I fast every Tuesday from 6:00 a.m.-6:00 p.m.” Or, my favorite……. “For the last month I have been praying from midnight to 3:00 a.m.” Nothing at all wrong with this because when you come to the point where you can sustain physically and Spiritually for that long in your pursuit with God, it can be a little boastful. I’ve been there. I remember when I did my first all-nighter; 24 hours to be exact. I was hyped. I even blogged about it. The flesh gives you some golden bragging rights. But then I felt stupid. Cause c’mon……this is your intimacy with God. I mean, to me its already a little weird sharing your personal time in a boastful way, but then to put a clock on it……well, I have my thoughts about this. That’s like me saying to whoever……… “me and my husband make love every Friday morning for two hours straight.” I don’t know what’s worse…….me boasting about it to everyone or me having a clock on it. It really makes one wonder………how much of a quality relationship do they have if its confined?

Soooo……….I’ve noticed that there are a lot of Christians who measure their relationships in terms of quantity. If its not how much time they spend with the Lord, its how long they stay in church on Sunday. Or how many days per week they are in church. And then the new thing……how much money they gave. And the church supports this. A few years back, somebody told me that their pastor posts the non-tithers in the church bulletin, and how much others give in offerings (very blank stare). I mean, why???????

You know what I’ve learned over the last few days…….that God is not bound by time or money. God is timeless and priceless!!! Meaning, I can pray for seven minutes (or however long cause I don’t time it) and get a prayer through before somebody who have been praying for seven hours. Not comparing, but my point is that God doesn’t have a clock sitting beside Him on the throne saying, “Jill you have to pray 30 more seconds before I hear you and grant your desire.” But I think that’s what we are getting caught up in.

Ok, let me give it to you straight. What matters in prayer and fasting is that you get a breakthrough!!! I mean, the discipline and all is nice, but the bottomline is……did God hear me. And you’ll know when you get it. I was in prayer today and like all of my prayer time it starts off a little routine with thanking Him and the normal….. “please bless my family, my home, my finances, etc.” But when I present the thing that is really on my heart like asking the Lord to forgive me for something I did or said over the weekend I pray hard, most times in tongues, until I get that breakthrough. Or I can just be in prayer worshiping God, not asking for nothing just thanking Him for His goodness. And I’ll get my breakthrough. And I know when I get it because I start crying and it is like I’m releasing everything over to Him and He’s taking it from me. And then I feel light. And at peace. And secure. And that may happen on a Friday night, Monday morning, at lunch time, or whenever. I’m not keeping tabs. And I’m surely not counting.

[The purpose is] that through the church the complicated, many-sided wisdom of God in all its infinite variety and innumerable aspects might now be made known to the angelic rulers and authorities (principalities and powers) in the heavenly sphere. This is in accordance with the terms of the eternal and timeless purpose which He has realized and carried into effect in [the person of] Christ Jesus our Lord, in Whom, because of our faith in Him, we dare to have the boldness (courage and confidence) of free access (an unreserved approach to God with freedom and without fear). --Ephesians 3:10-12

The Good Book

jillmarinamorris@hotmail.com (Jill) — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 19:31:00 +0000

Have I mentioned that I’m a book junkie? I know I have in this blog. Books are like potato chips to me. I can’t (buy) just one. And I luuuuv going to the bookstore. I mean, I can go to the bookstore and buy four and five books at a time with no problem. And the Christian bookstore…….oh forget it! I am addicted to the Christian bookstore. I love the Potomac Adventist Bookstore in Silver Spring. I mean, absolutely love it. There’s always a book signing or treat sampling going on. I just love the environment of that store with such a HUGE variety of all types of Christian literature.

But this morning I got sorta a revelation. Ok, actually I got it a couple of nights ago. But this morning it hit me. Every morning I have my television tuned on Christian programming. And every morning it seems like there is a guest promoting his/her Christian book. Ain’t nothing wrong with that just as long as the motives are right. But what I find is that everybody wants to sell their interpretation of the Word of God.

So this morning, I received a revelation that said to me it is in each individual’s studying of the Word that the Lord will speak. One can read the same scripture 10 times, but it may be on that 11th time that the reader “hears” the Lord speak. The only book a Christian need to follow is the Word of God. The Word of God is life. It is amazing how it is written and orchestrated and arranged. The Word had to be inspired and Spiritually written by God because if you go deep you will find some astounding stuff.

For instance, I was watching Pastor Joseph Prince in the wee hours of the morning a few weeks ago. And he was teaching on grace. I had already known that the number 5 represents God’s grace. But he taught something that was so profound. At least it was my first time hearing it. What he said was that in many stories in the Bible when the story mentioned the character’s name the fifth time it was mentioned as God was showing His grace to that character.

So Naomi returned, and Ruth the Moabitess, her daughter-in-law, with her, who returned from the country of Moab. And they came to Bethlehem at the beginning of barley harvest. –Ruth 1:22

In the Book of Ruth, when Ruth’s name was mentioned the fifth time it was when the Lord had laid upon Naomi’s heart to allow Ruth to go back with her to her land. Grace. Joseph Prince had given other examples such as Job, but because the Book of Ruth is probably my favorite Old Testament book I clung on to it.

But that was a revelation the Lord gave to Joseph Prince. And although he shared it with the audience, and although some of us grasped it, it was indeed a revelation for him. But Prince shared it with us, not transferring it into another book and selling the revelation in which God gave him.

Soooo, my thought today is…….why do we feel the need to repackage and sell God’s Word????? Where did this come from? There are so many formats today in which Christians can get the Gospel out for free. There's is Facebook, My Space, and even blogging. But to write one's revelation of the Word, doll it up with a nice cover, and sell it makes me wonder now. I mean, I realize that the Bible can be a little difficult to grasp and understand, and that some people’s books help to interpret the Bible. But I firmly believe that that is the whole idea of getting into the Word......to gain understanding of whom God is and who He wants us to be. Its almost like dating. We don't know everything up front, and it may be intimidating. But when you are studying that person and trying to get to know that person, that is what builds a solid relationship. I mean, can I ever build a relationship with someone through somebody else's opinion of the person??????

I remember when I came across the scripture…… “For what shall it profit a man to gain this whole world, but lose his own soul (Mark 8:36)”, I started crying. That scripture spoke deep to me when I first read it, and it still does. But then to come across the story of the wealthy man in the New Testament who was the ONLY person to come into Jesus’ presence, but left worse than when he came. I was speechless. That revelatory knowledge changed my life! It changed how I viewed money. Sometimes I’d be reading the Word and be like………WHAT!!!!!

But I love books. And I’d be the first to admit that I love teachings from Christian scholars. I really do. Especially, John Bevere. But I have to get to the point where reading my Bible is the only book I read; cause its the only book I need (promise you I ain't trying to rhyme--lol). And I know that the Lord has soooo much more He wants to reveal to me. But through His Word, not through a third-party source.

“Consider carefully what you hear,” he continued. “With the measure you use, it will be measured to you—and even more.” –Mark 4:24

I Worship You

jillmarinamorris@hotmail.com (Jill) — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 15:15:00 +0000

Happy Friday!!! I’m so glad the weekend is here. Not a lot planned, but the fact that I won’t be on a clock thrills me.

Anyway, so I was listening to Gospel radio this morning and heard the remix to the old 1980s hit, “Work it Out.” Back in the day we used to jam to that song, especially on the part that says………telephone’s disconnect; waiting for my next paycheck; baby need a pair of shoes; momma got a light bill too; WORK IT OUT. But on the remix---the millennium version (lol)---the same singer talks about the same woes although her baby is now all grown up. But I was listening to the remix, in which I hear on the radio all the time, and there’s one part that baffles me. It’s the part where she says she went out the country with her pastor and her choir, but when she got back home there was a foreclosure notice on her door.

Ok, the last thing I want to bang over somebody’s head is the unfortunate choices we’re forced to make in this recession. Being a Realtor, I’ve seen the crooked deals mortgage brokers do just to get people in homes. Thank God…….NONE of my clients has faced or is facing foreclosure. It’s a serious matter that is almost uncontrollable. And so perhaps this singer was a victim of a mortgage scam. Don't know.

But what baffles me is……..why in the heck are you out the country doing “God’s work” when you have home issues you need to take care of?????????????????????? I always wondered about that. Do you pay your mortgage/rent or do you use the money to do “God’s work”? I promise you that what’s on my mind is not about what we think God wants us to do with our money. I promise you--lol.

What is on my mind is…….doing God’s work.

My Associate Pastor said something a couple of weeks ago that is stuck in my head. Every other hour it seems like I’m questioning motives----mostly mine. What he said was that we, as Christians, have to be careful and cognizant of what and who we are worshipping in ministry. He said that there is such a fine line in worshipping God that if we’re not careful we can begin to worship the things of God without realizing it. I love how he gave the example of music ministries and how if we're not careful we can begin to worship the worship.

I was browsing the web and came across a church ministry that boasted they have the best praise and worship. Wow. So now we’re worshipping…….praise and worship. Wow. Then I was watching TBN the other day and heard the commentator comment on their competing station’s slogan of……. “the fastest growing faith-based station in the world.” The commentator made a valid point that it doesn’t even matter who’s growing the fastest. The question is……are we growing in God?????? I’d hate to think that the competitors are worshiping the Christian station in which God blessed them with, but you never know.

Over the last month or so, the Lord revealed to me how He wants me positioned to fulfill His purpose in me. I’m ecstatic and have been busy, busy, busy making plans and preparing budgets and talking to vendors and so forth. But I had to stop myself. I had to slow down and reassess. Because I felt like I was getting to the place where I was worshipping the plan of God and neglecting my worship time WITH God. I can be very rigid and focused. And so when I am tasked to do something I can barely see what’s outside of what I’m doing. That’s a problem. A major problem. But thank God for His Holy Spirit because this week I started to feel really distant from the Lord and I hate feeling like that. It was as if the Holy Spirit tugged at my arm and said........ummmm, you need to focus over here. So I had to pull back from my task.

I was watching the biography of the Newsboys, a Christian rock group from Europe, the other day. These guys are awesome!!! They make awesome music and have really touched the lives of their audiences. But they gave their testimony of how for years they were on tour over 300 nights a year and how they were in heavy demand. But things were happening individually in their lives. One’s marriage was falling apart, another got hooked on alcohol (can you believe that!!), and another was going through a depression. Because what they found out was that their passion for ministering through music could not fill the void. The lead singer expressed that he had come to the point where he had to stop performing because he was worshipping the ministry God had given him. He said they were so engrossed with “bringing others to Christ through their music” that they were neglecting intimacy with the God.

You know, when we think of idolatry I believe we think of worshipping buddah, or zen, or that lady figure (can’t think of her name). But idolatry is anything that comes before God. It can be as innocent as a loved one----spouses and children and friends. Or the things God have blessed us with like businesses and homes and cars and money. And surprisingly, it can be church and ministry. I see people all the time getting so wrapped in “their” ministry that they lose focus of the Creator. It’s a deep thing when we are worshipping the things of God and not realizing that God isn’t really getting the glory out of it. And I think when this happens we block the way in which God wants to move in our lives---for HIS purpose. And eventually we end up failing. Umph.

“If you ever forget the LORD your God and follow other gods and worship and bow down to them, I testify against you today that you will surely be destroyed.” –Deuteronomy 8:19

Nevertheless

jillmarinamorris@hotmail.com (Jill) — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 16:31:00 +0000

You know you’ve grown in the Lord when you have a nevertheless experience. Wow, there’s so much I want to say in this entry, but in order to get it all out in the allotted time I have (its Monday morning and my to-do list is astounding) I have to choose what I say wisely. So please bear with me.

Over the last few months I’ve been having my nevertheless experience. I can now officially say that I know what it means to surrender my will to God’s will. But with that comes suffering. That is, for Christ. I think we, the church, have gotten it all twisted. I’ve said this time and time again in these entries that we have bought into the false teaching that being a Christian equals success. Like success is the ultimate goal of walking with Christ. You know what baffles me……there are many successful and happy non-believers. If that is so……what separates believers aim for success from non-believers. NOTHING. Because success is not the purpose of us being here on this earth. Success is only a mere benefit to walking with God. It plays a very small part in God’s purpose for our lives.

Just recently I realized that in order for me to be one with the Father, walk in His divine purpose, and have total fulfillment on earth, I have to submit my will to His will. Ok, ok…..yes I, and many others, have said it over and over that we submit ourselves to the will of God. And I’d liked to believe that. But it is a difference in saying it and really living and believing it. I’m just realizing how powerful submitting my will to God’s will is. It’s not an easy prayer to pray. In fact, it is very difficult. It is literally giving your life over to God’s control. How many church folk can say we really do that? I have come to the point where I don’t even pray for specific things in my life because if I am praying for God’s perfect will, but too praying for something that could be potentially against God’s will then one will cancel out. And because God will not go against our will then more than likely my will will win……and I’ll end up losing. You know how that goes.

I’m at the point where I don’t pray for things, that is….material things. Ok, I never really prayed for material things. That’s shallow praying to me. But I don’t pray for specifics like…… “Lord please bless me with money so that I can take the trip to Bermuda with my girlfriends because you know I need a vacation.” Nope; no longer pray that way. I’m understanding more and more that my life is not my life and that every step has to be ordered by the Lord. I seek His will in everything.

I was giving my sister an example of praying God’s will the other day. And was telling her how easy we can mess up God’s perfect will by praying something that seems real innocent or against His will. She’s going through some physical challenges in which require therapy. She hates being at the rehabilitation center; very understandable. But I told her that instead of praying that the Lord will release her from the rehabilitation center, just simply pray that “Lord have your perfect will in me.” As I went on to tell her that while in that center she could meet the doctor who could end up being her husband. Or she could come across a patient that needs her encouragement to live. Or anything. The Lord can use her to be a blessing to somebody or for somebody to be a blessing to her. And running up out of there could potentially allow her to miss a major piece of God’s plan.

Ok, can we talk about the will of God for a moment? Thanks. Ok, there are certain things we know from reading the word that is God’s will for our lives. Abundant life is one. Joy and peace are others. Healing is another. There’s really no need to pray for healing because His word tells us that we are healed. We just need to walk in it. So if we are sick we just need to continue to pray that God’s perfect will be done, and proceed according to the word. Period.

Marriage is another part of God’s will. I hear it time and time again….. “maybe God wants me to be single.” I firmly believe that if there is a desire to be married then God will bring it to pass. When marriage doesn’t come to someone who desires to be married, and I’m talking about a marriage that was ordained by God, then it is a great possibility that they can be walking out of the will of God. Ok, let me rephrase that. I’m not saying that single Christian women are out of the will of God and that’s why they are not married. No I’m not saying that at all. Waiting on God to deliver is a part of God’s will. Patience is a part of God’s will. With everything that is fearfully and wonderfully made, there is a process.

Which brings me to another point. When submitting to the will of God it will cost you something. Ok, ok……I know that Jesus paid the price. But He actually paid the price for our sins, not our suffering here on earth. To really walk in the fullness of God you will have to give up a great part of self. And its usually the part that we’ve built up and held onto for so long. Like my…….. “must be married by 40 to a perfect man” list. That was my plan and my will, but since making that list, I have surrendered and submitted my mind, body, and soul to the Lord. So God’s will doesn’t always bring a loddy doddy life.

It cracks me up how folk want the blessings and benefits of God, but they don’t want to do things God’s way. Things are fine when you’re standing up in front of a crowd delivering a deep message and folk are hollering back with encouragement, or writing in a blog about your Christian experience and getting great feedback. But let it come down to lonely nights where the Lord is saying “I’ve blocked that good man from you because you have submitted to my will and my will says that he’s not willing to submit to the plans I have for you.” Or, “my will is that you fast for 30 days even though it’s your birthday week and you want to celebrate with a nice big birthday cake with your loved ones.” Walking in God’s will is not always easy.

I luuuuv the part in the word that talks about Jesus having doubts about the cross. Everything was fine and dandy until he realized that He was really going to die. I can hear him say……. “ok, now hold-up God I love you and I believe that you can do anything even stop this death from happening. So is there any other way that this can be done?????” But just as He was saying that, he came back with a nevertheless…….. Reading and understanding this example of all examples is when I knew that there is nothing on this earth that I want so bad that I would forfeit God’s perfect plan for me.

Saying, Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done. –Luke 22:42

Do Me a Favor.......

jillmarinamorris@hotmail.com (Jill) — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 18:51:00 +0000

For the last few months I’ve been really learning the difference between the blessings of God and His favor. Both I think are mere benefits of following Christ and should not be the primary reason for being a Christian. But I gotta be honest…..when blessings and the favor of God happen it makes me feel like the trials and tribulations I go through are all worth it.

About a month ago, my pastor came up to me and told me that the favor of God was all over me. I knew this, but hearing it from him kinda solidified it. I’m blessed constantly. Just the fact that I have a good job, a nice home, the car I WANT, great family and friends, a wonderful church…….the list goes on, remind me of just how blessed I am. But His favor……oh, that’s another story. Can I just say that I have stumbled on some opportunities that are clearly the favor of God.

On Friday, another favor of God came to me. It was late afternoon, about 4pm-ish, and an email came in from Secretary Kathleen Sebelius’ office, the Secretary of the Department of Health and Human Services (HHS), that First Lady Michelle Obama would be speaking at HHS on Tuesday, which was yesterday.

Ok, let me remind you that Monday was a holiday for the Federal government. And usually when a holiday falls on a Monday, the Friday prior most folk are on leave. Fridays are already low-staffed because of the flexible schedule option we are allowed as Federal employees a lot of people either work half day or are already off on Fridays. But it was a holiday Friday, so the office was pretty empty.

Fridays are my best days to work because the office is empty and I can get a lot done---no interruptions. And usually, I work late on Fridays because I hate taking unfinished tasks into the next work week. So I say all of that to say that on last Friday at 4p-ish, I was sitting at my desk working when the email came in.

So I read the email and it stated that Michelle Obama would be speaking at HHS, however there would be limited space so if anyone wanted to attend the event we had to email by Sunday, our name and office. Ok, the email was so strategically planned. HHS has well over 60,000 employees around the country. But a great portion is in the metropolitan area. And so, for the Secretary’s office to send out the email on late Friday afternoon with a response by Sunday they realized that the responses would be narrowed.

When I saw the email I immediately put in my request and then I walked around to other colleagues who were in and asked if they’d read the email. There’s about 70 staff in my office and although a lot were out on Friday, the ones here did put in a request.

On my way to work on Tuesday, Monday was a holiday, I just felt in my Spirit that I had gotten selected to attend the event. I just felt it. It’s that same feeling I get when the Lord approves moves I need to make in my life. Just a peaceful confidence; a very sure feeling with no worry or concern behind it; like a green flashing late.

So I walked in my office and some were complaining that they weren’t here on Friday to put in the request and why it wasn’t on Thursday. Others who were here on Friday were complaining that they hadn’t gotten selected. I kept walking in confidence. I just waved and smiled. When I logged onto my computer the first thing I saw was the email. I opened it up and read the first line………. “I am pleased to inform you that you have been selected……” I was ecstatic! I was one of 250 that were selected to see Michelle Obama up-close.

Can I just say that I luuuuuv our First Lady? Thanks…….. I LUUUUUV MICHELLE OBAMA! She was everything I imagined and witnessed on television, but much more. She is so personable and I felt honored that she grabbed my hand, not an official shake but more of an “I’m in this with you” grab. She held my hand for extended seconds, long enough for me to have her perfumed lotion on my hand, and it was a very warm feeling from her. Let me just say that it was much deeper than a star struck moment for me.

A couple years ago, I was standing in the lobby of a building in downtown DC having a phone conversation with my mother. I randomly stepped in the building because as I was walking to the subway I couldn’t hear her speak. So I stepped in a building’s lobby to finish the conversation and out of nowhere Michael Jackson and one of his security people walked up on me. Michael was doing business in the building and as he was leaving he stopped to admire the mural that was on the wall behind the bench I was sitting on. When I lifted my head I nearly had a heart attack. It was so funny that even Michael Jackson cracked up laughing. Days later I stopped in to chat with the security guard and she told me that my facial expression was priceless. But I say this to say that that was a star-stricken moment for me. However, seeing Michael was no comparison to seeing Michelle.

This morning as I road into work on the train I got teary eyed. I was thinking about the grace and goodness of the Lord. Then I started thinking about all of the stories I heard and read about Michelle Obama saying how when Barack was a senator she was alone because most of his life was in DC, while she was left in Chicago to care for their children. I remember when they were on Oprah a few years ago and Michelle admitted that she felt like a single parent. And I remember Barack looking surprised and saying, “I never knew you felt that way.” Even though it was never mentioned, it was indeed implied that many times Michelle felt like giving up on her marriage.

In contrast, I thought about the many times I wanted to give up on my job. Many of my colleagues were advancing quickly and moving on to other agencies and programs, and at times I felt (feel) like I’m not growing at the level I need to be here. Many times I feel like calling in and not returning. Then there are times when I call in just because I’m sick of being sick and tired. But all in all, I continue on by the grace of God.

Over the last couple of weeks, my pastor has been talking about the process of gaining God’s reward. Of course, the story of the children of Israel suffering in the wilderness on the way to the Promised Land, is always mentioned. And my favorite, the story of Ruth and how she had to go through what she went through to gain her reward. I think my pastor is right, in fact I know he is, when he says that the church gets the purpose of God confused with the position God places us in to fulfill the purpose.

To clarify, in many instances, Christians will not even realize the purpose in which we play in God’s plan. And in many instances, Christians may not even live to see the purpose we play in God’s plan. Like in the story of Ruth where the purpose of what she went through was so that she would be the ancestor of Jesus, and that Jesus would sacrifice His life for us. Of course Ruth realized there was a purpose, but she didn’t go around saying…. “what’s my purpose, I need to find my purpose.” No, Ruth focused on being obedient to the Lord’s will. In that, she positioned herself for God’s purpose. As a result, because of her obedience, God blessed her with a husband who took care of her earthly needs.

So the question for today’s Christians should actually be…. “Lord how and where do you want to position me?” In Ruth’s case, the Lord positioned her in the field. She worked day and night in the field. For me it may be spreading the Gospel in the Federal government. For others it may be doing missions work in the rough parts of Africa, and for others it may be evangelizing at a mega-church. Fulfilling the purposes of God is not always a glamorous assignment. And I think that’s why it’s hard for the church to grasp what it is the Lord wants them to do.

Understanding this, I started thinking about when Michelle grabbed my hand. I started thinking about what would have happened if either she or I would have given up on our jobs and marriage. What would have happened if we would have died in the process; in the wilderness because it didn’t feel good at the time. She of course wouldn’t have been the most famous and admired woman in the world.

But I thought about what would have happened if I would have died in the process? I wouldn’t have been imparted hope, to inspire others to hope, from the most famous and admired woman in the world. I wonder if Michelle realizes the position in which she's taken to fulfill God’s purpose. Probably. But probably not; she’s quite busy these days. God’s favor makes me laugh.

“Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests.” --Luke 2:14

Fearlessnessity

jillmarinamorris@hotmail.com (Jill) — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 00:54:00 +0000

Ok, ok…..I know that ain’t a word. But I created it. Cause its been on my mind the last couple of months. The meaning of “fearlessnessity” is one claiming to believe God, goes to church, but keeps living a life against His Word. That’s what I call fearlessnessity. I used to think that people call themselves Christians and just really don’t believe that Christ is who He said He is. Cause their actions and character don't show it. But I’m convinced now that many folk just don’t fear God!!! Point blank.

God is real!!!! And He’s real serious!!!

If folk really knew what was happening in the Spiritual realm they would act right. Seriously. Last night at church we had an experience. I mean, we always do. But last night was DEEP. Real deep.

The prophet from Africa is back and he’s come stronger than ever. I said dude must have been doing some deep praying and fasting while he was away because he’s calling out street addresses, names, colors of cars, and more. I thought I had heard enough when he told a dear church member that her husband was currently oversees on business cheating and he called out BOTH of the mistresses names. He told her to go right now and call her husband and tell him that he’s riding in a [certain color] car and that the car is about to be in an accident because satan has commissioned the driver to take his life. He told her to tell him to get out of the car right now, and get on the next flight home. My sister-in-Christ was crying and crying and crying. It was so sad. He did tell her that she would have a baby girl next year which was joyful news since she and her husband have been trying to have a baby for the last six years, and she had given up hope of being a mommy.

You know what……we always here about the goodness of God. And yes, He is indeed good. I’d be the first to holla on that one. But folk don’t realize that when they step out of God’s presence and His perfect will they are on their own. Period. I hear folk say all the time…. “what will be will be cause its all in God’s plan.” That’s absolutely not true. What is true is that God is all-knowing. He knows everything. And He sees everything. But He leaves the choices of our lives up to us. Therefore, God has a perfect plan, but the flesh has a plan in which satan drives that plan. There are two choices in life and so because God knows the consequences of both choices He suggests the answer. But any one of the plans is ours for the choosing.

This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live. --Deuteronomy 30:19

Another thing is that folk don’t realize that when we sin we are opening ourselves up to a world of demonic spirits. Yes, God does indeed forgive when we ask for forgiveness, but those spirits are still there. Me and my eldest sister were having a conversation about pre-marital sex and fornication. Can I just pause here and say that I am proud to be practicing celibacy!!! It’s been a loooooong time coming, and I’ve lost count---lol---but I thank God for walking upright and pure before Him at almost 40 years old. And it ain’t that I’m trying to be perfect its just that I fear God. If He tells me not to do it and I do it anyway, I will suffer the consequences.

I was looking at TBN the other day and I saw an ex-pro football player speaking on grace. It was absolutely wonderful to hear this black, young man talk about the things of God. It delighted my soul. But basically what he said was that we need to “FLIP THE COIN!!” Basically, folk, especially church goers, always give excuses about their sinning and how God forgives, and they’re not perfect, and they’re still human, and God knows their heart, and yada yada. And so dude was like….flip the coin to the other side because the same grace that causes folk to keep on sinning and believe that their sins are forgiven is the SAME grace that keeps us from sinning---its called self-control and its one of the nine fruits of the Spirit.

But me and my sister were having a conversation and we both agreed that when you really understand what’s happening in the spiritual realm and how satan gains access to individuals one would be CRAZY to lay with a man/woman that you are not married to. That’s why I thank God for my Pastor who gives it to us straight. Our leadership preaches that one of the main ways satan accesses us is through sex. Even down to conception and how our parents conceived us; the moods our mothers had when they were pregnant.

When a man ejaculates into a woman not only does he releases the legions of demons that he’s picked up in his lifetime, but also generational curses that he has no control over. When a man and a woman sleeps together and are not married they are out of the will of God and therefore do not have God’s covering. That’s why it is important to be covered by the Blood of Jesus!!! And that’s why deliverance is so important.

The other night, the prophet called out this dude, who had come to church alone. He told dude that the woman he was married to he wasn’t really married to because she had a demonic covenant with a spirit that was still in her. The prophet called out dude wife’s name. The prophet told everybody to get up and pray for dude because he was involved in a satanic marriage that needed God to intervene as soon as possible. He told the dude that the spirit in his wife was so deep and strong that it came from her mother’s side of the family and had been sexually intertwined with his wife and that his wife was well aware that she was married to this demonic spirit.

Last night, dude brought his wife to church. Beautiful girl. To look at the two of them you’d think they would be the perfect couple. The wife had never been to our church so she was sitting there very nervous and you could tell she was uncomfortable. When the prophet called her out and laid his hands on her the demons started fighting back. The girl was crying all over the altar. And the husband was just standing there very supportive, but confused.

There is a lot of stuff going on in this world. And its to the point where everything we do we have to know that we know that we know it is approved by God because if not, we could be playing Russian roulette with our lives. That’s why it is so important to pray that God’s perfect will be done, not for specific things. Because what thing may seems good, may not be the perfect will of God and can get us off His plan. And eventually, we will suffer the consequences for it.

The sad part about is that God will not go against our own selfish desires and will, so he will allow us to leave His presence and do our thing. So maybe it is that folk don’t really believe God. Maybe my original thought was right. I don’t know. I kinda think it is a combination of the two.

But from everlasting to everlasting the LORD’s love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children’s children-with those who keep his covenant and remember to obey his precepts. --Psalm 103:17-18

Can You Hear Me Now?????

jillmarinamorris@hotmail.com (Jill) — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 19:58:00 +0000

Had a good conversation with my girlfriend “E” this morning about communication. I’d like to think that because I have a passion for relating to people, that is…..written or verbal, I am a good communicator. Aside from holding a Bachelor’s degree in Public Relations and having much professional experience in relating to people on all levels, I truly have a personal passion for communicating.

In saying that, I have a very low tolerance for folk who lacks communication skills. Ok, I’m not talking about dotting I’s or crossing T’s or speaking proper English. Nope, I’m talking about just being an effective communicator---getting a point across without making irrational generalizations or making the other person feel awkward. That truly bothers me. I’m like….. “just say what you gotta say!!!” And then…… “allow me to say what I have to say!!!” I truly get irritated when things are swept under the rug.

Perhaps it’s the way I was raised. I’ve known “E” since the second grade. We have ALWAYS been upfront and confrontational with one another and to others. When I say confrontational I mean that if either of us is concerned or unsure about something…….oh we will make a phone call. We take time to voice our feelings to one another. And we take time to listen. It’s like…….. “hold up and stop what you’re doing cause I got something to say!” We may not know the outcome, cause to be honest we have had some bad outcomes (lol), but rest assured we’re NEVER left feeling like we didn’t speak our mind to each other. And so I need all of my relationships to be this way. I really do. I need to be able to express myself and I need the other to express them without feeling like our relationship is in jeopardy.

Sometimes I feel stifled in some of my friendships. Ok…….in one of them. I don’t know. I certainly can’t blame another for not being as upfront as I am. And I certainly can’t blame someone for being non-confrontational. But I need to hear you speak; especially if there is a problem with yours truly. I need to know so that we can fix the issue, bury the hatchet, and grow in the relationship. But if we don’t talk about it with each other one and/or two things will happen. Either it will be discussed with a third party, which more than likely breeds negativity. Or it will be put in the mental files for future ammunition. Both are such unhealthy ways to maintain relationships.

Just for the record…….I’ve tried to communicate with this loved one many times in the past. I’ve expressed myself in person, on the telephone, and through email but it doesn’t seem to work. Our friendship is fastly approaching the 10 year mark and it saddens me to feel like I can’t share all of me with her. Ok, wait a minute……I do try but I don’t always get the response I’m looking for so I hold back. What I will say is that what we share, which has been the foundation of our friendship, is always free and open to discuss. But there’s much, much more to me than that past experience. And I want to feel like I can express myself without prejudice. I’m not saying agree with me…….I’m just saying let’s be able to graduate our friendship to deep meaningful conversation. The surface thing is not cutting it. And I feel almost like the friendship is pretentious.

I know I have issues, and probably even in this friendship I’m referring to. But the biggest issue I see is……..lack of patience. Ok, I’m seriously venting today and I need to have time to, so please bear with me. But I feel like there is a lack of patience. I absolutely hate feeling like I’m on a clock when talking to a loved one. Ok, don’t get me wrong…...we don’t always have time to have long drawn out conversations so there are times when its just a quick…… “hey on my way to such and such, just checking on you.” But I like to know that I can not only talk to my loved ones about ANYTHING, but also at ANYTIME. I need to be free to be me. And free to express me. And I need you to be free as well.

Every time I think about conversations and communication I remember one of my other girlfriends was dealing with a personal situation that actually stemmed from a childhood incident and fested into her adult years. But I remember one morning she called me and whatever either one of us had planned was not as important as my girlfriend’s feelings. I remember she and I talked on the phone straight from 9:00a on that Saturday morning to about 8:30p that night. And we only got off the phone because she got a call in the middle of our conversation inviting her to a social function. She really needed to get out. So she clicked over and asked me to go with her. I was in the bed. Not planning to go anywhere. But I jumped up and we went out and had one of the best nights with old buddies. We resumed our conversation the next day.

I’m a communicator and I truly expect my relationships to be open to communicate. For the most part, they are. I mean, I’m never left feeling like I’m leaning on my own understanding. Only with that one friend. I always feel like I’ve got to read between the lines. It’s nerve racking. And so juvenile. Sometimes she’ll make these generalizations and even if they are not intended for me, I somehow get hit in the crossfire.

The other issue for her not being a communicator is the lack of family values. Just calling it how I see it. I come from strong family values. And so we express ourselves freely. If you are in my inner circle I need to hear from you. And I’m not putting you on a clock or calendar, but I need to have some type of regular contact with you; because my loved ones are a part of me. Most of my family is on Facebook so within the last year we have really been current in each others daily lives. But we still do the check-ins. Ok, one of my sisters will call 50 times a day just to say….. “what you doing?” I be like…….uh the same thing I was doing two minutes ago. And I’m sure I do the same thing to her and others. I too get the random phone calls…… “where are you?” I remember hearing that a friend of a friend was offended because this question was asked in the courtship process. I laughed; because for me and my loved ones it’s just standard communication.

I don’t know. It’s obviously bothering me. What exactly is bothering me…..I really can’t express it (lol). Ok, yes I can. It bothers me that a friend can’t be totally opened and honest. But it hurts me that they will not allow me time, space, and freedom to do so. It’s very hurting. And it is difficult for me to maintain friendships if the communication is off.

Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body.……. ---Ephesians 4:25

A Step Out

jillmarinamorris@hotmail.com (Jill) — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 00:25:00 +0000

Ok, so for the last 14 days I took some quality time for just me and God. I needed it. I cut out food, socializing, the internet, and all secular activity to devote time with my Savior. Lots of revelation and breakthrough. I needed it. I needed to hear from God. And He spoke loud and clear.

In just 14 short days, my life has changed. I literally feel myself at a higher level. Thanks for checking in daily only to find that I wasn’t here. But I’m back and I’m sure I will have lots to talk about in the next few days. Right now I just want to eat something really good, and sit in front of the television. God Bless!!!

Workers in the Vineyard

jillmarinamorris@hotmail.com (Jill) — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 19:20:00 +0000

Ok, so over the last few weeks/months I’ve been going back and forth with the purpose thing. You know…..trying to figure out the LORD’s perfect will for my life and not just what I want to do. As I’ve mentioned in several entries….I truly believe in my heart that what the Lord purposes is more than likely something that resides in my weakness.

So I was having a conversation with one of my girlfriends, she too very established as a professional in the Federal government, and she was just saying also how she knows the Lord has something greater for her to do. We spent some time over coffee the other morning just venting to one another. I told her that I am at the point where if the Lord wants me to dust the pews and clean the bathrooms at church then that’s what I will do. I just need to know that I am doing HIS perfect will and purpose.

Then we started talking about the spoken and written ministry thing. You know….where we get caught up believing that it takes a platform to spread the Gospel. She looked at me a little cross because she made the statement that she luuuvs going to impoverished countries and speaking to large congregations. She says she loves the feeling she gets preaching to a large unsaved crowd. And though I do identify with her feelings of validation I had to be frank and express that that may not be what the Lord wants her to do in ministry.

I thought back to a conversation I had with my pastor a few months ago. And how he told me that here in American, he’s from Africa, too many Christians operate out of their strength. For months I thought about that. I thought about all of the cockiness and greed that has come out of so-called ministries that has turned into celebrity arrogance. Is that really ministry? And so I thought about Jesus and how his strength was in carpentry. But the Bible never speaks about the tangible things Jesus built. But in his weakness is where He found strength in God. He showed weakness in bearing the cross and being led to lead the people to salvation. That was His ministry. That was His purpose.

Last week I was flipping through the channels and caught Juanita Bynum on DayStar. Ok, gotta tell you……I’m not a Juanita fan. I mean, I love the fact that the Lord has His hand on her, but I don’t care for the way she’s gone off track. I truly believe that there’s a thin line between faith and fame, and she has seem to consciously crossed it. All-in-all, she’s still my sister in Christ and even though I do not support her hustle I pray for her. But I caught her speaking on television and she said something that was so profound.

For many years, I thought it was just me. I thought I was the only one feeling like the church has missed the mark by building these mega buildings and moving their ministries out of urban areas and into the suburbs. Here in the Washington DC Metro area, most of our larger and popular churches have moved out of DC and into Maryland---some even into Northern Virginia. There is an influx of mega ministries in this area. Unfortunately, very few are bringing the authentic Word of God to the masses. Most are stuck on motivational messages.

But Juanita Bynum said something so profound. She said since she has been to Hollywood the unsaved think we are a joke. Cause we build these big mega churches and act like the building is the true kingdom of God, but we produce no fruit. As I listened I thought about how when I was growing up our life was revolved around the church. But when we had to step out of the church realm into places like school…there was no life in us. We were just the average person with nothing to say and nothing to offer. We were known as church girls. But it was more of a “our church life is a secret” than a “come on and join into the Body of Christ”. The same mentality goes on today, but on a broader scale.

I think it was last year I wrote an entry about a mega church in the Metro area that owns a whole community---shopping, residences, businesses, and of course the church is there. I’ve heard this message before from the mega church I belonged to that the members need to support the church community because “it’s building the kingdom”. Every time I hear that my eyes roll up in my head because the church really believes that the kingdom is built carnally here on earth. The funny thing about the mega church I’m referring to has named their community “Kingdom _________.” It’s hilarious. So basically, what Juanita Bynum was saying is how we have spent billions of dollars building buildings and we still have a dying unsaved world who has little respect for church folk. She said that it is our jobs as Christian to go out into the world and represent Christ. That’s how we build the Kingdom. God’s KINGDOM.

Last week, I caught the opening night of Tyler Perry’s “I Can Do Bad All By Myself” and I have to say that although it wasn’t his best directing, or best set, and probably won’t get a BET award so we ain’t even gonna talk about an Oscar, to me…………………..it was his absolute best!!!!!!!! I mean, anybody who dares to say Jesus as much as he did on the big screen must be working from a higher calling. Hollywood allowed us to put the “Passion of the Christ” out there a few years ago, but I’m soooo glad that folk like Tyler Perry is making it clear that we need to hear Jesus more. And I love the fact that although he has rubbed elbows with Oprah, a non-believer and Jesus basher, he’s not changing his message. I love it!!

So over the last few days I’ve been really praying and thinking about what the Lord wants me to do to build His kingdom and I’m confident that I got the answer. I think He wants me to represent Christ in the workplace. I mean, I know we are all ministers of reconciliation. But I believe the Lord has me positioned as a warrior for Christ in the workplace. Whether my job is here in the Federal government or in nonprofit or in the entertainment industry is not the issue for my steps are ordered by the Lord. Therefore, wherever He leads my steps along my career path, I am to stand for holiness in the workplace. For I am ministry.

This morning I had a conversation with a friend who is a comedian. Way back when I was doing public relations for the entertainment industry I had done some work for him, and so over the years he has always valued my professional opinion. So every few months he’ll reach out to me to say hello and get my advice on promoting his career. And so this morning I had a conversation with him---giving him some professional advice and normally I’d keep my professional life separate from my private life—that is my Spiritual life. Even on my job folk know that I’m a believer, but I don’t go around preaching or wearing “I’m a Christian” on my forehead. I have two girlfriends who are believers that I work with and so conversations about my Christian lifestyle are usually limited to them.

But this morning as I was talking to the comedian, I felt compelled to ask him about his prayer life and his spiritual beliefs. To my surprise he revealed a personal issue that has been going on that he’s been in constant prayer about. Our conversation took on a whole new direction and I almost held back---just trying not to make him feel uncomfortable. Or perhaps….make myself feel uncomfortable. But the conversation was deep in which we talked about spiritual warfare. After I hung up, I fully understood my ministry.

Later He appeared to the eleven as they sat at the table; and He rebuked their unbelief and hardness of heart, because they did not believe those who had seen Him after He had risen. And He said to them, “Go into all the world and preach the gospel to every creature. He who believes and is baptized will be saved; but he who does not believe will be condemned. And these signs will follow those who believe: In My name they will cast out demons; they will speak with new tongues; they will take up serpents; and if they drink anything deadly, it will by no means hurt them; they will lay hands on the sick, and they will recover.” --Mark 16:14-18

Do Not Block My Blessings!!!

jillmarinamorris@hotmail.com (Jill) — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 16:06:00 +0000

I had a strange dream last night. Actually, it ain’t all that strange because it has been brought to the forefront in several of my pastor’s messages the last few months. So I’ll just say that the dream was bothersome.

I dreamt that I was trying to get to a certain city, which I will not mention, but the folk who I was traveling with kept procrastinating and coming up with excuses so we never made it there. The certain city in my dream in reality is only about two hours away. And in the dream I remember that we were trying to make arrangements to get there by Amtrak. We were trying to meet up with some friends who were to be at a concert at a church in that city. But I kept saying that if we took the train we would still have to find a way to the church. Nobody was listening to me. Finally, my oldest sister broke off several pieces of strings and handed it to each of us. Its obvious what the string represented, so what I did---in the dream---is decided to drive my car.

Ok, once I had decided to drive my car one of my younger sisters had asked to ride with me. She wanted to get to this city as well. In real life, I always get on this particular sister because she can’t make a move without at least one of her many girlfriends. Every family event she brings one or all of her girlfriends. Even to some of our most private and intimate family functions….she brings her girlfriends. Over the years I have spoken openly about this because she has fallen into a very dependent type of mindset. And at times I get pissed because my mother seems to encourage her dependency. Ok, don’t get me wrong…..I love her best girlfriend. And her boyfriend. But sometimes she allows her little ghetto girlfriends to tag along and at one point or another…..their ghetto character is exposed causing embarrassment to the family.

In the dream, I told my sister that I was going to wash my car and that I’d be right back to pick her up, and that she’d better be ready. In real life, she’s also my sister who is ALWAYS late—lol. So I got into my car---it was my old car in which in real life I gave to this particular sister---and I headed to the car wash. As I was driving I ran smack dab into a brick wall. In reality the car would have been totalled and obviously hindering me from getting to my destination. But I turned around and drove back toward the house. I had decided not to get my car washed because we were running late.

When I got back to the house, there was this HUGE leak almost like the size of a pool that was blocking me from getting to the house to get my sister. The water in the leak was muddy. I know from looking up the meaning of dreams that muddy water means negativity. But I was determined. So I climbed up on the side of the house trying to reach a rope that was hanging from the roof. I knew that if I could grab the rope I’d make it over the water. I made it. But when I got to my sister……..she had all of her girlfriends with her. At that point, I woke up. And we never made it to the city.

Ironically, in real life, back in the early nineties me and one of my girlfriends had met these two guys at a concert. The two guys sang with a very well-known group. The two guys were “celebrities” in their own right, one going on to becoming a Gospel solo artist, and so when they took interest in us we were ecstatic. When they would tour we would meet them in certain cities. But one particular time they’d decided that they wanted us to spend New Year’s with them and their family, so they invited us to their hometown. We were soooo excited.

I remember me and my girlfriend had purchased our plane tickets right after Thanksgiving. And up until we were to leave the anticipation had skyrocketed. The way it was planned, still being young students, she and I would share in the travel expenses making it affordable for the both of us. And even though we were young, we knew better not to allow these dudes to pay for anything giving them a false sense of control over us. And we were from DC. We had established this "I'm and independent woman" in which they loved--lol. And besides that, she and I were trying to live a godly life. I mean we were TRYING--lol. But we didn't want to make a negative statement.

The dude who I was “attached” to had become a dear friend to me. Over the course of a year, he and I had established a bond. When they were on tour in real far cities, I’d wait until he’d finish performing, which was usually around midnight, and we’d talk on the phone until the daylight. About ANY and EVERYTHING. He was my friend. And so I was really looking forward to spending some quality time with him on New Year’s. And was even more honored that he wanted to cross over into a new year with me. My girlfriend and her friend were moving a little fast. Dude wanted to marry her, but she was at a point in her life where she was trying to hear from God, but being interrupted with fleshly desires. She was falling for dude and they’d become real public with their relationship.

The day before we were leaving, I was in the hair salon getting done up for my friend and my girlfriend paged me (remember pagers????—I had a purple one--lolol…..oh goodness), but she paged me 9-1-1. When I called her back she told me that she had decided not to go on the trip. I was stunned. Over that month there was no inclination that she didn’t want to go. I knew that she was dealing with her own personal issues, but never thought that it would have a burden on a commitment that she made, not to dude, but to ME! For hours she and I went back and forth. I was stuck. My friend was adamant about me still coming. But it was no fun without my girlfriend. So I’d decided to cancel out as well. Canceling would have meant that we’d both lose hundreds of dollars. I was pissed. Not to mention that…….I really wanted to see my boo!!!

Later that night, in which our flight was to leave real early the next morning, my girlfriend called me and said that she had decided to go. I was sooo happy. When we arrived at the airport of their city, we got another issue. The guys had to be in a mandatory rehearsal so they had to send someone to pick us up from the airport and take us to the hotel. The person who picked us up was not pleased to be picking us up for whatever reason. On top of that, it was raining like cats and dogs. It was cold and wet, and my hair had flopped, and we were mad at their manager because we felt that he tried to sabotage our trip. It was ugly. But then…….

Later that afternoon, after me and my girlfriend settled in our hotel, my friend walked through the door and my world lit up. For the entire time that we were in town he did not leave my side. In fact, his group had a huge concert in their hometown while we were there and when I tell you we got the royal treatment……. They both made sure that me and my girlfriend were well-taken care of, and they made it known that we were with them. During our time alone, my friend and I spent some real quality time together. NO SEX AT ALL. Can’t say that we weren’t tempted and tried, but we were adamant about getting to know one another on a deeper level. Our conversations were very deep. He opened up and shared a lot about his career and personal life, and his love and thirst for God. He made me feel comfortable sharing myself. Up until him, and even after him, I wasn’t used to dealing with guys who LOVES God and shows it in his character. But he did. On top of that, the way he treated me in public was second to none. He did everything from carry me on his back over rain puddles to feeding me. He even taught me how to kiss. YESSSSS…..he taught me how to appreciate a kiss!!!

I remember the day we were leaving we had missed our flight. So me and my girlfriend had to arrange to take a flight that was a few hours later. The guys DID NOT want to see us leave and were glad that we’d missed our first flight. But then they had to take us to the airport to make the second flight. It was sooo cute. They kept stalling, making us push it close. They were making scene's in the airport like they were sad. It was like we were in a music video or making a commercial. I remember the four of us running through the airport, me with high-heeled boots on trying to run for my plane. This was waaay before 9/11 when loved ones could go to the gate. And I remember him holding my hand and carrying all my bags so that I wouldn’t fall.

After we returned home, he and I continued to talk for another couple of months. He adored me and I adored him. I didn’t like the long distance thing but I was willing to give it a try. But then he experienced a horrible tragedy that circulated quickly around the Gospel circuit. I remember when I heard the news. I was floored. I remember I was in a state of shock for days. I didn’t know what to say or how to say it. I just gave him his space to deal with his family. I wanted to hear his voice. I wanted him to call, but he didn’t. From the gossip mill, I heard it nearly destroyed him so I took that as a sign to leave him alone and just pray. Weeks later, I knew that he and I would never talk again. At that point, I knew that he had come into my life for a specific reason. It took a while to accept, but eventually I did. To this day…….there is a standard in which I require in a relationship as far as communication and how a man treats me. It was my friend who set that standard.

Over the last few months, my pastor has been speaking a lot about blocked blessings. I’d even received a prophecy, in which I wrote about in an entry, that my marriage was blocked. It is becoming so clearer now. Satan has literally set up forces to block God’s blessings in our lives. When I was in church a few weeks ago, there was a prophecy given to a woman that her husband’s practice---he’s a medical doctor---had been blocked by satan. The visiting prophet told her that satan had blocked patients from coming in and that the practice was experiencing financial loss. The lady confirmed it even going as far as to say that her husband is depressed because he can’t figure out why all of his patients have stopped coming to him. The visiting prophet sat in a chair and demonstrated how satan was sitting in front of the door of her husband’s practice. When he told me about the block on my marriage, I couldn’t help but to envision satan sitting in front of me.

You know what…….I hear it all the time about Charismatic and Pentecostal Christians trying to fight satan in the Spiritual realm and in a nutshell they say we’re wasting our time. But they can say what they want!!! There are demonic forces set up just for God's people. Satan ain't thinking about the unsaved. He got them. Its the ones with destiny and purpose that he wants. Some of us have demonic forces behind the scenes and because we’re not walking totally in the Spirit and binding the enemy we’re allowing our blessings to be blocked. I’d be the first to say that when I pray I ask the Lord to open doors and to close doors. But there are some closed doors that the Lord has NOT closed. And it takes some serious warfare to remove satan so that those door will open.

Ok, can I just be blunt today? Thanks. Satan is so cunning that he is using the folk closest to us to block God’s blessings in our lives. It could be as simple as a girlfriend not liking your boyfriend. That boyfriend could be the very man that God has ordained for you to marry. Or in my personal case, a girlfriend trying to block a trip that was to teach me a life lesson on men. Yes, yes…..I’d also be first to say that I need the support of my loved ones; especially when making important decisions, but ultimately…….the decision should be from God. And we have to renew our minds daily through supplication to hear from Him. If not, we could be allowing folk to block our destiny. Satan is cunning. He comes in all kinds of packaging. Blocks on God’s blessings are demonic forces that we have to allow the Lord to work on our behalf to destroy!!!! God does not go against our will. Yes, He is ALL powerful. And can do ANYTHING. But He gave us the power to choose.

And I am sick and tired of hearing folk, especially Christians, say that since they are Christians satan can't bother them. That is not so!!! Our minds are the devil's playground. If that weren't so the Lord wouldn't have to continuously tell us through His word to renew our minds daily. Ok, can I take this a step further.......there are some blocked doors that the Lord has allowed satan to keep blocked just because we have rejected His will!!! When we allow our mindset to be coerced into satan's territory we can do and say some things that can destroy our destiny. Not to mention another person's destiny. I've noticed that when I've detatched myself from certain folks over the years and committed myself to the Lord's will.......doors started opening for me. I was able to accomplish some things in my life that I couldn't as long as I was attached to [certain folk]. I'm telling you.........blocked blessings are a HUGE tactic that satan uses on us.

Before closing this entry, I have to REPENT. I repent if I knowingly, or unknowingly, stood as a block in the way of somebody else’s blessings. Lord I ask that you would remove any blockings in my way so that Your perfect will will be fulfilled in my life.

"Again, when a righteous man turns from his righteousness and does evil, and I put a stumbling block before him, he will die. Since you did not warn him, he will die for his sin. The righteous things he did will not be remembered, and I will hold you accountable for his blood. But if you do warn the righteous man not to sin and he does not sin, he will surely live because he took warning, and you will have saved yourself." --Ezekiel 3:20-21

……….Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother’s way. ---Romans 14:13

Never Can Forget

jillmarinamorris@hotmail.com (Jill) — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 15:39:00 +0000

I think everybody and their momma got a 9/11 story. Understandably so, because that day earth stood still. Man, where in the world do I began at in my story.

Ok, I remember waking up to a BEAUTIFUL morning. The sky was extra clear. And the day had a freshness to it. At the time, I was living about five minutes from my mother and so she’d asked me the night before if I could pick her up that morning cause she had an early meeting downtown. My norm then was to drive to the metro which was just a few minutes from my house. And so since I had to pick up my mother who was just three minutes out the way, I didn’t feel the need to adjust my schedule.

That morning, after picking up my mother we got to the metro and found that the parking garage was full. That was definitely out of the norm. Cause the garage was NEVER full. But it was a beautiful day and so normal drivers probably decided to enjoy the metro ride instead of driving in. I was pissed. And probably cussed and fussed since I was still in my backslidden state—lol. Soooo, I had to drive to work. All the way downtown. Which would’ve cost me $13 to park in my office’s garage.

Traffic on the way downtown was smooth. In fact, it was so smooth that I decided to pull over at a deli on the way and grab an onion bagel with veggie cream cheese. I’ll NEVER forget that bagel!! When we left the deli, I dropped my mother off at her meeting in the metro center area. I headed upper northwest to my office in Dupont Circle. When I got to my office, I turned on my computer and sat down to eat my bagel. Just when I was about to take a bite…..my phone rang. It was one of my girlfriends. She and I were chatting about nothing and then I heard my boss scream from his office…….. “A plane just crashed into the twin towers!!!” Everybody went running into his office.

Then the second plane hit!

And without much more thought, my boss---a very smart man---simply said….. “it’s an attack”. The office staff were at a standstill watching the news in the conference room. You could hear a pin drop. Then all of a sudden somebody shouted…… “we’re being hit too!!!” On the television we watched the twin towers in smoke and looked out the window and saw a building in smoke. From our window we couldn’t tell what was on fire, but knew that it was major. We first thought it was the White House. But then we got breaking news that it was indeed the Pentagon. The Director of the small nonprofit organization simply told us to go home.

Just as all of DC, I was frantic and didn’t know whether I was coming or going. My colleague, who lived in northern VA was terrified to ride the metro. In fact, I don’t remember what happened with metro. So I told my colleague to just come home with me. Cause I wasn’t crossing no bridge—lol. No one was thinking logically that day. I remember pulling my car out of the garage and it took me an hour to get to the corner. Gridlock, road block, J-walking, and all kinda motor vehicle laws were breaking. No one cared. Cause everybody understood. We just wanted to get home to our families. To safety.

If I had remembered my route home, I still couldn’t remember to remember it on 9/11. My mind was not focused on nothing but getting out of DC. And so I just drove in the direction of where all the cars were moving. I was clearly off my route to home, but I was moving out of DC and that was all that mattered. Then if not my mind, my heart screamed……. “my mother!!!” The way the traffic was moving took me further away from where my mother’s meeting was. All I could do was pray that somebody had had mercy on her and gave her a ride into Maryland. Cause cell phones did not work. And there was absolutely no way to get in touch with your loved ones even if you tried. It was horrific.

But God.

Let me tell you how awesome God is. I was driving and my colleague was sitting in the passenger seat. My mind was in a daze. Horns were bonking and folk were everywhere. Some running, but most walking swiftly to get out of dodge. And then my colleague says….. “that woman is just standing there like she’s waiting for a ride, but nobody’s coming to get her in all this mess.” I looked over…….and it was my mother!!!! When she saw me and got in my car she said she had walked and walked, and the Lord told her to just standstill and wait. And that’s what she did. It was purely an act of God.

By the time we got home it was mid afternoon. We were stuck in traffic trying to get into Maryland for hours. Just as we got into Maryland, my colleague was able to get a connection on her phone and called her mom. Her parents came to my house to get her. Cause I wasn’t crossing over no bridge---lol. Did I mention that? I made it clear then, and I’ll make it clear now.

I was soooo mentally and emotionally drained. Cause my family is split between DC and New York. Calls were flying back and forth, and we were trying to account for everybody. By the time we completed the family roll call it was evening. Everybody had stories and everybody wanted to know…….what next?

As I lay in bed watching the news, I was solemn. But then I saw a news flash that pissed me off!!! Normally, as in most states, when there’s inclement weather the news stations will flash school and office closings. And so they used this same format to keep us up-to-date on the latest closings. Understandable. This is an emergency. But then I saw SEVERAL mega churches in the area flash across the screen that they were canceling bible study and Tuesday night services. I couldn’t believe it. You mean to tell me the church’s doors aren’t open so that we could come together and pray for our country. I could NOT believe it. I think that’s when I started looking at the church a little differently.

The September 11, 2001 attacks were the worst public catastrophe in my lifetime. I wasn’t born on D-day, or the killings of MLK or JFK. And I kinda thought I’d escape that sorta tragedy in my lifetime. But I didn’t. I will never forget that day. I haven’t had a bagel and cream cheese since. That day my heart hurt for my country. And today, my heart and prayers continue to go out to all the victims of 9/11.

One thing I have desired of the LORD, that will I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the LORD, and to inquire in His temple. For in the time of trouble He shall hide me in His pavilion; in the secret place of His tabernacle He shall hide me; He shall set me high upon a rock. And now my head shall be lifted up above my enemies all around me; therefore I will offer sacrifices of joy in His tabernacle; I will sing, yes, I will sing praises to the LORD. --Psalm 27:4-6

Taking It All In

jillmarinamorris@hotmail.com (Jill) — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 17:58:00 +0000

These last few days have been physically and mentally draining. Can I be real today? Cause I think I just need to lay some things on the table. So can I say what the heck I feel like saying today? Thanks. Ok, so my church has been in revival for the last two weeks. In the midst of the revival a whole lotta stuff has taken place with me---lots and lots of thoughts and decisions on my mind that resulted in some emotional outpourings. Last week, I literally felt myself go to a higher spiritual level and so you know how the saying goes……the higher the level, the higher the devil. And I tell you…..it felt like satan was waiting for me to get off at the next floor up cause dude greeted me with his little pitchfork just as I was about to step out.

With all of the emotional craziness I still managed to put in some QT with my inner circle and go to my church’s picnic which was super fun. Since it was a long weekend, in which is like gold for some of us working folk--lol, I didn’t want to be confined to the clock. I just wanted to spend my long weekend sporadically and impromptu. You know….going with the flow. Well, I think that pissed some folk off cause what they had “planned” for my weekend I cancelled at the last minute. Don’t usually operate in this manner, but I felt the need to just do me.

Yesterday I straight up played hooky from work. Just didn’t feel like going. On Monday, my “laborless” holiday, I took full advantage of and spent the day lounging around the house. I managed to cook a nice dinner, get some QT in over the phone, but that was it. When it was time for me to get up for work yesterday morning, I looked at the clock and said to myself……what’s the darn use. Is it just me or is anyone else feeling a little purposeless????

For the last nine months I have been spiritually fed tremendously and sitting like a stuff pig--lol. I asked the Lord to take me to another level, and He has answered my prayers triple fold. But just last week I started to feel like I needed to release. You know....spread some of what I've been taught. Like I was taking so much in that I felt the need to be pouring out. On a full-time basis. Don’t get me wrong……I love my job and love what I do….its just that it’s beginning to not be so fulfilling anymore. Do you understand me? It feels like I need to be doing more. And so sometimes getting up doing the routine norm gets to me. And yesterday……it got to me.

For about a straight four hours I sat back and thought about all the things I could be doing. Not to toot my own horn……but I’m good at doing a lot of things--lol. You know how we do....we can turn a hobby into a ministry real quick---lol. Over the years, I’ve been juggling several projects at once and this is the first time that I’m not so busy. In fact, I only turn on my computer at home to check my email. And so yesterday, I just sat back and thought about what I wanted to get into next. About three months ago, I was heavily involved in a personal project that stemmed from my professional work, that could be ministry very easily. The ground work was set in place and I had come across several interested people who were willing and excited to support the project, but one evening while I sat still to listen to the Lord after praying I heard the Lord say….. “Not now” to the project. For a long while I was questioning the voice of the Lord like perhaps I didn’t hear His voice, but something in my spirit wouldn’t allow me to move forward.

Yesterday, I thought long and hard about that project again and decided to proceed with it. I tried to justify what I thought I heard or didn’t hear the Lord say. And the more I tried to figure it out, the more I ignored what I KNOW I heard the Lord speak to me. The ignorance resulted into…….proceed. Cause my life felt/feels purposeless and I needed some activity to fill the void. In fact, I felt so purposeless that I decided to go to the gym and walk on a low speed while brainstorming the project’s to-do list. While walking at a steady 2.5 pace on the treadmill I mapped out everything. I picked up where I had left off back in May. And up until I went to bed last night I felt like a woman on a mission. I felt purposeful and empowered.

This morning when I woke up, the Lord met me at my morning thoughts. This is indeed when I hear the Lord speak clearest to me. And so as I lay there, before getting out the bed and even before praying, the Lord reminded me of a book I read last year called….. “Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World.” Immediately, I halted---mind, body, and spirit. Cause I knew what the Lord was saying. And so I repented. And as I repented the Lord started sharing some things with me.

You know what…..I firmly believe that one of the trickiest tactics that satan will try to place on us is “fulfilling purpose”. I hear some form of “purpose” at least five times a week. Cause those of us in the Body of Christ have been conditioned to know, accept, pursue, fulfill, or do…….purpose in order to please God. Many times---many, many times---purpose gets twisted. There is such a thin line between being obedient to God’s instruction and personal agenda in which we interpret as…..purpose. In addition to this, many of us have been tricked into believing that purpose rests and relies on a platform. Therefore, you will see many Christians writing books, becoming motivational speakers, and/or forming little cliques or “alliances” where the “chosen one who is fulfilling purpose” leads a bunch of vulnerable folk to…..only God knows where. You know what’s sad????? Seeing men and women of God supposedly fulfilling purpose while in the midst of a divorce---and I’m talking about pastors and first ladies. Or those who are “fulfilling purpose” and can’t even open their mouths to speak to their fellow brothers and sisters in Christ who are indeed supporting their "ministry".

So this morning, even though I didn’t want to be…..I was obedient and I sat still to listen to the voice of the Lord. The sad truth is that I heard this message before. I think it was last year. It was the same message that had me look at the fall of Eve. Where Eve was so eager to act upon personal agenda, which was a satanic command, that she forfeited Godly instruction of obedience at the expense of mankind. An act that was laced with innocence, but to increase self. This act is so prevalent amongst Christians. As I’ve said many, many times in entries……I come across so many “Christian ministry” websites of those who claim to promote Jesus, but in reality they are promoting self, that I get turned off. A couple of months ago I was recommended a site by a sister at my church of a pastor’s wife who developed a clothing line called “Jesus Girl”. At first I thought it was kinda cute, but when I got on the site and saw the tight-fitting tees that boasted the brand I didn’t see Jesus no where in it. In fact, the message was quite clear that Jesus wasn’t being uplifting…..Jesus “girl” was.

Over the years, I’m sure you too have heard the common saying that I don’t want to get to heaven and find out that I didn’t use my gifts and talents to fulfill purpose for the Kingdom of God. As I sat back and listened this morning I was getting ready to make my spiel before the Lord about “my purpose” and the Holy Spirit softly answered…… “no, you don’t want to get to heaven and I say what you have spent fruitless time doing was not at all purposed by Me.” And without taking up too much more time, the Lord reminded me that all of His children are ministers of reconciliation. That we all are purposed to love and spread the good news. That is the great commission in which we have been purposed to do. And He reminded me that each time I get up to go to work, vibrant, and full of life given of myself unselfishly and extending a hand to my fellow colleague……that’s fulfilling purpose. All other stuff is plain old…….self-seeking, busyness.

So of course you know me…..I couldn’t let it rest. I wanted to know……Lord, is this it for me---just being fulfilled and fulfilling purpose by what I do on my day job and whatever my pastor appoints me to do at church? And the Lord answered yet again…… “just keep walking by faith for when My door opens you’ll know. As always learn of ME and proceed in obedience.” This morning I walked through my office doors with a huge smile on my face if for no other reason than to show appreciation for having a job, but I knew I was smiling for much more than that.

As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!" "Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her." --Luke 10:38-42

Prepared for Battle

jillmarinamorris@hotmail.com (Jill) — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 17:48:00 +0000

Wow!!! How in the world can I make literary sense of what has been happening in my life the last five days or so. My spiritual journey just went to the next level. Wow!!

Ok, so last Friday night was all night prayer at my church. Actually, we do more than just pray. It’s actually more like a prayer service but with praise and worship, the prophetic, and of course the spoken word. But the night is centered on prayer in which we start the first two hours in intercession and throughout the night praying for specifics collectively as the Holy Spirit leads.

Our all night prayer services, called War Cry, are every last Friday of the month. And since it began a couple months ago it has grown like wild fire. My church is rather small in congregation since it was only established about 18 months ago---maybe about 400 members. But because of the powerful prayer we do a lot of visitors are drawn to the church. And when the prophet is visiting from Africa many come out to hear his accurate revelations. The visiting prophet called one lady out to prophesy to her nine year old daughter. But before he did he asked the lady where she attended church and she told him [a well-known ministry in the area], but she said frankly that she comes to [my] church to get fed. Well, she got a full course meal on Friday cause after the prophet spoke specifics about her daughter, and husband who wasn’t there, the lady was speechless. I saw her for service on Sunday morning and Sunday evening.

Then……yours truly got called out--lol. Ok, let me say this right now before I go any further. I believe HEAVILY in the prophetic as well as laying hands to heal and deliver. I was brought up in the Pentecostal church so none of this is surprising to me. Back in the eighties, I actually witnessed my mother being drunk one night (many, many nights), went to church at the urging of a friend on the next night, and got instantly delivered from alcohol and cigarettes. Our household went from one extreme to the next in ONE WEEK!!!! And as soon as the Lord delivered my mother and stepfather the favor of God started flowing. We went from a low-income apartment complex to a well-known, admired, middle-class community in about a year and a half. Change happened quickly for my family. So I know first hand the power of God, and how He works through deliverance.

Ok, so I got called out on Friday night. It had to be about 2:30 in the morning. And I think I was walking in circles praying diligently and trying not to fall asleep---lol. My girlfriend, “E” was sitting next to me. She’s been visiting my church since January and says she always gets a breakthrough when she visits. And so the prophet came and laid his hands on "E", but then he had the deacons pull me out to the altar. Ok, in case you don’t know……I’m shy!! LOL. Ok, wait…….I have a very bold personality, but I know when to be assertive and when to be humble. I’m very assertive in the workplace and other places where needed. But when I get into the House of the Lord, I immediately humble myself. I’m like a sheep in church. I cry at any little thing and I am in a zone. A Holy Ghost zone---lol. I go to church to give up praise and worship to God and leave receiving whatever He has for me. I take my worship time in church VERY seriously. Church is a “no drama” zone for me. If there is an issue we can take it up in the parking lot. But in the House of God……..uhhhhh not---lol.

So the prophet calls me to the front and he looks at my stomach. I started to feel uncomfortable because I’ve been slacking on my crunches. I hate stomach exercises. Anyway……he kept staring at my stomach. And so he asks me where my children were. And I said that I didn’t have any children. And so he asked me why. I wanted to say…… “you tell me Mr. Prophet!” but I humbly said that I didn’t know. Then he asked why I wasn’t married. Again, I shrugged my shoulders. Cause I didn't know why I’m not married. I don’t know why [my friend] don’t know how to go past third base with me, and bring it on home---lol. Then he kept staring at me and the more he stared it was getting harder for me to hold back my tears. And then the tears started falling. Before he could lay his oily hands on my forehead I dropped to the floor.

On Saturday I was just out of it all day---physically, mentally, and spiritually. I was so exhausted. Cause the prophet (the one at my church and the ones I’ve seen in the past) usually comes with a word confirming what the receiver already knows. But his prophecy to me was as if he was telling me that I had the answers already, and that he didn’t need to tell me nothing cause I already knew. Well, he was kinda right. I mean, I did/do know that the little he told me was confirmed in my spirit. But I wanted him to delve deeply in it. I know/knew that my marriage is blocked. I just didn’t know how or why. You know we always blame this sort of issue on "another woman" not knowing the real force behind the block.

So Sunday I went to morning service. I started not to go cause I was still very much exhausted from all-night prayer and I wasn’t up for the 45 minute drive to church. But something in my spirit got me up just in time and said….. “GO!” The prophet was actually speaking on Sunday morning and so I did want to hear his message. When I got to church I glimpsed at the other side and saw that my mother and two aunts were visiting and sitting with my oldest sister. Service was awesome and right before it ended the prophet called one of my aunts out. Now let me remind you that I was sitting on the other side of the church. Dude had no idea that I was related to anybody over on that other side. He doesn't know us.

So the prophet calls my aunt out and tells her that her struggles are over. She, of course, starts crying. He then tells her that there was a curse put on her years ago that was supposed to take her out but instead of attacking her the curse went to her daughters. He told her that’s why her oldest daughter was lying in the hospital right now. So true. My cousin/sister has been battling this mysterious illness that has caused her to not walk. Doctors can’t figure it out. So all of a sudden, I quickened and got up to run out the church, but it was as if the Holy Spirit had grabbed me not to leave and I fell to the floor before I could even get out the row. As I lay there zoned, I heard the prophet tell my aunt that her daughter that is in the hospital marriage was blocked and that the girl over there (referring to me) marriage was blocked also, but when she fell (referring to me) the block was lifted on both of them. He kept saying that there was a relationship between us. That something was connecting us. So my pastor jumps up and says…… “They are all related---they are all family!” At that point I was no good.

After service my pastor told us to bring the entire family back that night because there are some strong generational curses that had to be broken in my family. I was all for it. Cause I don’t play with my life. And I ain’t got time to be held accountable for a relative’s issue that happened before I was born. Nope….wrong niece. I wasn’t planning to go to church that night cause I had to get up early for work the next morning, but I went. In between services my phone was ringing off the hook. Me and my cousin, the one in the hospital who I refer to as my sister, are the only two of the older cousins who are not married. We all grew up in the same household and so when the prophet said there was a link between her and me it made so much sense. My oldest sister who heard the entire prophecy said that the prophet said our marriages were blocked due to my aunt’s struggles. How…..I have no clue. Why me…….I have no clue. What I do know is that when satan gets a leak in……he is cunning and will try to take the strongest ones out. Me and my cousin are the two strongest ones out of 17 grandchildren. Ain’t a whole lot to that.

When I got to church that evening it was packed out. Everybody and their momma were visiting. And understandably so cause after the prophet called out this visiting dude’s license plates on Friday night and told him that the devil was trying to wipe out his life in a car accident that was to happen on Thursday at 3:00p many believers came to know that the Spiritual realm is real. The prophet described both cars and told dude which one was just in an accident and which was going to be involved in the next accident. Dude’s face was lit up like a Christmas tree. At one point he looked like….. “why did I agree to visit this crazy church” and on the other “tell me more.” The whole church was almost in tears, but we prayed over dude like we never prayed before. Before prophesying, the prophet preached a message on Ungodly Kingdoms, their purpose, and how to destroy them. I was all ears.

After service, my pastor met with my family and basically told us that we needed to go into heavy prayer and fasting because there are some strong ungodly kingdoms built in my family that is preventing us from living the life in which God purposed. I understood immediately for God can do anything, but He will not go against our will. Sooooo……I realize that some things only come through prayer and fasting. And that we had to surrender our will for God to have His way to fight on our behalf. Many ministries in my family have been blocked, there are untimely deaths, generational illnesses, and poverty. These are all results of ungodly kingdoms that have been set up in our lives. Either in front of our faces or behind our backs. All are set up in the spiritual realm, and orchestrated by satanic forces.

Over the course of blogging, I’ve spoken openly about my church journey over the years many times. After leaving the Pentecostal church I grew up in back in the early nineties I started frequenting a very well-known “word” church in the DC metro area. Though I’ve never been caught up in the prosperity movement (I just personally think that its a thin line between God's blessings and man's greedy motives in which gets out of Biblical truth) I was really feeling the “word” church movement because in the mid nineties I had come into this “intellectual Jill” that I really liked—lol. I was grasping knowledge back and forth, and growing into a person that I admired. However, though I was growing into Jill, I was spiritually mal-nourished. I mean, I have church notebooks filled with….. “the 10 steps to being a godly Christian in the workplace” or “the 5 steps to having a good godly attitude” or “the steps on living a prosperous life”, but I wasn’t being fed meat!!! I mean c’mon now…..all those messages could have been knocked out with one supreme message……. “What is the Holy Spirit and how to walk in obedience to the Word of God!!!” That’s it.

Just the last few years or so I have become burnt out with the mega-word church movement only because they’ve built me up so much that I’m no good for NOBODY. In fact, it’s all a freakin front because when I would get home I’d be depressed and unhappy. It wasn’t until real recent that I learned it is in our weakness that Christ becomes strong. And in our weakened, brokenness that God can began to use us. And so that’s what I’ve been grasping lately. Just being humbled before God so that He can have His perfect will in me. Me being that strong, black, professional woman is breaking down day by the day. Cause I’m learning that my profession and education can’t get me to where I need to be in God. In fact, my little gifts and talents that I lend to the church can only get me so far. If there is no anointing or if my “know-it-all” attitude can’t humble myself enough to hear from God, I will screw up a ministry. I see it happen all the time. So I understand that although I am an educated, professional in the world, my call to ministry could very well be to dust the pews and vaccum the sanctuary. I’m learning to be obedient to God’s perfect will.

Ok, so just as my pastor instructed...I have been doing a dry fast around the clock for the last few days. And so last night, since I’m not eating or doing any television or internet or anything secular, I felt like I needed to be in the presence of believers. My church was having service (the prophet is ministering at my church all week) but by the time I got home it was way too late for me to take the forty-five minute drive to Virginia. But something clicked and reminded me that my old church, which is a 3-minute ride from my house, was having Bible Study. So without any further thought I went.

Can I just say that I love my former pastor? Thanks. I love my former pastor!! He gets it. Unfortunately, the congregation doesn’t. Right before he went into his lesson on Moving Forward he’d asked that we continue singing a worship song but this time he wanted us to cry out to God with all that we had in us. Ok, it had to be approximately…….ummmm 1,500 people in the sanctuary. Probably more. But as soon as he gave the cue it seemed like he and I were the only ones crying out. I couldn’t believe it. It just took me back to a thought I use to have when visiting other ministries.

I mean, it’s sad when the congregation can’t grasp the fullness of God leaving the pastor out there alone to give up praise. My (current) pastor always tells us that praise and worship is like leaning on God’s doorbell. But what happens when He answers and opens the door? And that’s how I felt last night. Like a group of us had leaned on God’s doorbell and when He answered the only ones who had something to say were me and my (former) pastor. It was then that I really realized that a great portion of the body of Christ is not walking in the fullness of God. They’re missing out.

Over the years, I’ve heard comments about the Charismatic and/or Pentecostal church and how they are “spooky spiritual” or “radical” or just plain old LOUD. But I have to bear witness that the world we are living in is dangerous. And sometimes to get your message across you have to take any means necessary. If I can scream for my favorite singer on television, I can scream even louder for Christ. We are living in the midst of a spiritual war and there are demonic forces that are bounding God’s people. It’s time to move forward past these “get money, self-help, motivational speaking” type of messages. We need some folk who are going to fall on their knees and pray with everything they have in them. I mean, REALLY PRAY!!!

Just hearing the revelation that me being married is blocked by a demonic force that was put on my family years ago is disheartening. The devil knows that me and my husband together will cause his kingdom to tremble. That punk knew what he was doing. But guess what…..he done met his match now. Cause for the last few days I prayed, binded, destroyed, rebuked and cast down every satanic block that he not only put on me, but on my family as well. When dealing with warfare a pen and a little piece of 5x7 paper ain’t gonna do it. You gotta be completely armored by the Word of God. And not just writing it down and reciting it......BUT LIVING IT!!!

Today, after fasting and praying and loosing strong holds…..I walk in victory. I feel freer than I ever have. And if another person tells me that I look so radiant with a glow I’ma scream up to heaven and tell the Lord to turn down the light a little---lol. God is doing a great work in my family and I’m just taking it all in. Really, I am. But now that the block is gone I wonder how [my friend] will proceed. I haven’t told him yet what happened ;-).

Put on the whole armor of God that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. –Ephesians 6:11-13

Green Thumb

jillmarinamorris@hotmail.com (Jill) — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 16:26:00 +0000

Lately, I’ve been in this really green thumb mood. Gotta be honest though….my thumb is more to the darker green side than the vibrant, plant green side—lol. Over the weekend, I did something that I never do……repotted my two little plants. Wait, actually I repotted one plant and bought another one and just changed the pot. I’ve never been really into plants. I’d pick fresh flowers any day over plants. But I have this Peace Lily that I’ve been raising over the last few years and it’s growing like wild flowers so, not knowing that much about plants, the least I know is when a plant needs more space to grow.

Spiritually, I’ve been studying the seed over the last few months. The revelation the Lord has given me concerning the seed---that is…the real seed, not money (lol)---is so amazing. Almost so that I can’t even break down what I’m learning in this blog and so I’m really praying about publishing it into a book. My first book (smile). We’ll see. To gain a full understanding of the seed in which I, as a human, can grasp requires learning the natural, as well as the spiritual process. And so I’ve been really getting into botany and biology to understand the natural growth process. Then I refer to the Word to gain a Spiritual understanding. It’s really deep. Especially how the seed relates to plants, child birth, and of course…..the Holy Spirit.

Ironically, something amazing happened to me yesterday concerning plants and I could hear the Lord giving me spiritual revelation as it was unfolding. Since I’ve been working here in the Federal government, I’ve gained somewhat of popularity because of…….my office plants (lol). I’d like to think that the work I do speaks volumes, but uhhhh……..lol. Anyway, when I first started working here, which was close to nine years ago, I admired my former boss’ plant. I can’t even tell you what type of plant it was because….I don’t know. And I didn’t care. I just thought it was very beautiful.

In my first week on the job, I gained an office mom. And so she revealed to me that she was the one who took care of my boss’ plants. So one day my office mom was repotting my boss’ plants and she took a piece of the plant and put it in some soil for me. I don’t even remember asking her for a piece. She just surprised me with a cute little orange flower pot (my favorite color) with a piece of the plant in it. That one little plant sat in the same place on my desk for the first five years on the job. And every time somebody would walk pass they would compliment my plant.

In those first five years, I use to joke with my colleagues saying that the plant represented my growth on the job. Cause I went from assisting the Director (while earning my master’s) to managing one of Bush’s infamous initiatives. In addition to that, I’m learning humility and self-control and how to deal with all types of folk and so many other character-building lessons. A real growth process. And so that plant has grown with me. And it just keeps growing and going with me. I changed desks, offices, and floors in the last nine years more than I change my bed sheets--lol. It’s just been constant growth---each situation getting better and better. And so that plant has been with me since the beginning.

Now things are a little different with that one little plant. It’s grown so much that not only is it touching the ceiling---very much a tree---but it has had babies. And grandbabies—lol. I’ve had so many admirers over the years that when my plant got repotted, it would be so large that I’d give pieces of it away. Ok, I didn’t…..my office mom did/does all the work—lol. But she’d ask my permission first before giving my stuff away—lol. As a result of all that growth, I’ve managed to keep the original plant and two of its well-grown and flourishing babies.

But yesterday, a colleague, Marsha, from another office came up and said…….. “Jill I was admiring Tabitha’s plant and she said that it came from your plant.” Ok, again, I don’t maintain my plants so once my office mom repots it could very well be true that a number of folk could get a piece of it. It’s a trickle effect—lol. So I listened to Marsha as she marveled while touching my plants. She was real frank with me. She said…. “Jill I need a piece of your plant.” She said that every time she comes up and passes through my office she "loves on" my plants. Even going as far to say that I have the best plants in the building! I was looking real dumb cause uhhhh, I only water these bad billies when I want to empty my stale drinking water to get a fresh cup--lol. Seriously. So I listened and was really opened to giving her a piece but I had one problem……I’m not the maintainer so I couldn’t give her nothing!!!

So I told Marsha who was really responsible for all of my beautiful plants and so we called my office mom around to my desk. As soon as my office mom got her, I sat back so that they could discuss green life. Their conversation at one point was going way above my head. So I just sat back and listened. Trying to learn a thing or two. But then Marsha told my office mom that all she needed to do was break off a piece of the top and that she’d put it in water. Then my ears perked up. I knew breaking off a piece from the top could very well sustain in water cause I have a colleague who has a piece of my plant on her desk sitting in water. It’s beautiful. And it’s been sitting there looking beautiful for the last several years. And if that’s all Marsha wanted then I was like……let's just break her off a piece.

But then Marsha said……. “I want my plants to look like Jill’s.” And then my office mom chimed in and said……. “Oh, then you would have to get it from the root!!” At this point I was in my chair praising God in my head. I kept saying over and over…….thank you Lord!!! And so my office Mom told Marsha that it wouldn’t be easy cause she would have to take the plant apart. I was all for it. And Marsha was too. She said she was patient. Cause she knew what she wanted. She said……. “ok, whenever I'm just claiming my piece first.” My office mom told her that she’d come in early this morning and do it. I just sat back and listened. I was taking it all in.

Last night as I was spending some time with the Lord He just began revealing this plant thing to me. See, I’m just a willing vessel. I admired the growth I saw someone else had, and so I inquired. And I opened myself up to receive. I did NOTHING but accept the gift by displaying it. Even when I fall short, watering the gift when it’s convenient for me, God is still there. He’s still faithful. Because when I’m not even around, He’s watering and maintaining. The only instructions He gave me is to…….spread the gospel and to love my bretheren. That is to display and share. Show His beauty and share it with others. Be an example and walk upright before men, so that they will want what I was given. We ain't talking bout no conceited, "I'm better than others cause I got what you can't get mess." Not at all. I'm talking about just showing the goodness of God. Cause even when I want to take credit for these beautiful plants……I can’t!! Cause it’s not me doing none of this.

Then the Lord revealed another thing. Marsha could have very well taken the top piece. And she would have gotten it immediately, and went on with her green life. IF it even survives, having the top piece doesn’t require nothing but putting it in water and changing the water when it gets dirty. But the only growth it will have is downward--again that's if it survives. My other colleague’s plant is beautiful on the outside, but the leaves and vines are just sprouted all over her file cabinet, very limp. To many, her plant is perfect because she doesn’t have to spend time replanting and repotting, and getting all messy. But to some of us…..her plant serves no purpose because she can’t share it.

See, now I’m about to preach---lol. But when you know what you are missing and know what you want you are willing to go through whatever process to get long-term results. Soooo many folk take the easy road out maintaining in water! God forbid that beautiful vase spill over….cause not only will the vase break but the little liquid that is maintaining you will be gone too. It’s so temporary. But when you are PLANTED in the soil your growth is upward and you can see life. A quality life.

This morning when I got in I opened my email and there was a message from Marsha. She simply said…… “Jill, thank you so much for the plant.” And I replied with a simple…… “Anytime, enjoy the growth.” When I looked around at all three plants I couldn’t even tell which one had been touched. There was no dirt residue and I couldn’t even tell if there were any leaves missing. Then the Lord spoke to me clearly and said……. “See, it costs you NOTHING to share what I have given you.”

Through Jesus, therefore, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise—the fruit of lips that confess his name. And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased. –Hebrews 13:15-16

“For a good tree does not bear bad fruit, nor does a bad tree bear good fruit. For every tree is known by its own fruit. For men do not gather figs from thorns, nor do they gather grapes from a bramble bush. A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart brings forth evil. For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.” –Luke 6:43-45

A Bump on the Log

jillmarinamorris@hotmail.com (Jill) — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 17:40:00 +0000

For the past several weeks, “E” and I have been reminiscing on the childhood we shared. In particular, one of our favorite childhood activities…..crossing the log. Just a couple days ago, “E” revealed that she had been spending some personal time reflecting on the log and how she’s now realizing that it was very symbolic in making and molding us into whom we are today. And so last night, I began thinking really deeply about the log too, and how it was indeed used as a symbolism in our lives.

Me, “T”, “E”, and another tag-a-long friend “K” had to be around 8 years old when we discovered the log. Seriously, it used to be a group of us girls playing together, but to the life of me I only remember the four of us at the log. I’m sure there were lots of times when more than the four of us crossed the log, but it was those light bulb moments when only the four of us were there.

Our apartment complex, as I mentioned in other entries, wasn’t that big. There were 11 garden-style buildings that made up the entire complex. Me, “T”, and “E’s” buildings were connected together in the most popular section referred to as the “court”. The court sat smack dab in the middle of the complex. Behind the complex was a streaming creek that ran from Sheriff Rd. thru George Palmer Hwy and ended somewhere just before Central Avenue. In relating terms…..the creek ran for a good 7-10 miles.

On the other side of the creek was a community of semi-detached homes. Just the other night, me and “E” talked about how we always thought that the neighborhood across the creek was for well-to-do folk. Lawns were nicely manicured and everybody seemed to have a car parked on their side of the driveway. They just seemed to be living. Ironically, “E’s” aunt and uncle had a home over in that neighborhood and often we’d visit because their house always had some type of family function.

But that side of the creek just always seemed to fascinate us. For one, they had the basketball court where all the cute guys hung out. We weren’t into boys back then, we were too young, but there always seemed to be a sense of security being around the basketball court. But another thing we liked was that the candy lady lived in one of the houses. She had sour pickles and all flavored Now Laters. But I guess our favorite reason we liked going to the other side was because they had the best playground. All of their swing sets had swings. And their seesaw wasn’t missing handles. And they had a covered shelter just in case it rained. Many days we’d sit under the shelter and just talked or played hand games (remember……SLIIIDE).

The view from each one of our apartments looked over the creek and into the other side. I remember clearly that one of the best views was at night when the basketball court was fully lit and all the “big boys” would be playing ball. Just having clean fun. The view on the other side was really nice. Day or night. Ok, I ain’t saying that we lived in a dump, but compared to the other side it was quite obvious that those who lived in the apartments were just getting by. I mean, most of our mother’s were single and living on the system, and those who weren’t I’m sure only had temporary plans for being there. But we made the best of what we had. We never got bored. Even on our piece of playground we had lots of fun. But we had something the other side didn’t have…..the pool (might I add that we are all great swimmers today because of that pissy pool—lol). But the pool only gave us fun for a good 3 months out the year. We had to be creative during our playtime. And so that’s when we discovered “the log”.

You know, me and “E” were trying to figure out when we actually discovered the log. I don’t really remember. All I remember is that lightening LITERALLY bolted from the sky, struck a huge tree which caused it to fall across the creek from the other side to our side. One day I guess we were playing house down by the creek as we did often and discovered that the log could get us to the other side.

The way the log was situated couldn’t have been more perfect. The log was located right behind the court. In pre-log days, in order to get to the other side we would have to walk around the long way. That is…..walk down to George Palmer Hwy and cross over the little trail. But the log cut all of that hiking out. All we had to do was walk around behind my building and try our best to walk down the dirt hill without tumbling into the streaming water. Many days we’d all hold hands and walk down together. Cause if one fell, we all fell. The log became the short-cut for EVERYBODY. It became so famous that all of the ballers would just run across it to get to the basketball court.

Then one day. One day. One day.

One day, the four of us wanted to go to the playground on the other side and so we decided to cross the log. But we were too young to walk across like the big boys. So what we did was sat on the log with both our legs hanging on each side of the log and we scooted across. Scooting slowly across became the norm for us. But one day, we were almost across, probably in the middle, and these boys from the other side started messing with us and shook the log while we were on it. I think that was the first group fear that we’d experienced. Wait a minute……no probably the haunted house at McDonalds—lol. But being stuck on that log was a very fearful experience. But we stuck together until the boys left us alone. And we didn’t turn around. We kept scooting to our destination.

But then one day---in which says a lot about my character today---we decided that we wanted to walk across the log. Me and “E” were discussing this the other night. And so I asked her, cause I couldn’t remember--lol, but I asked her who was the first to walk across. And she says…… “Jill, you know it was you!” But then I did remember. I remember when I walked across the log. But right before I had made it across, I fell. I fell off the log and into the muddy water. “E” said that I said I fell cause I saw a monkey---lol. I don’t quite remember that…..but I do remember falling. But I got back up. Actually, I remember walking down the creek until I found an opening to climb to land. And guess what……I wasn’t looking for the opening that led back home. Nope. It was an opening on the other side. But that says so much about my character today. I can make it almost there (in whatever situation), but then fall off. I fall off right before reaching the finish line. But I get back up and I try again. This says a lot about me today.

By the time we were 10, we were almost running across that log. I remember distinctly all of us having jelly shoes. I had red ones. I loved those things---lol. But not when it was really hot outside cause those things would soften on your feet like hot wax—lol. But it was understood that if we were crossing the log to get to the other side, we had to change our shoes. We had to put on our tennis shoes. Our Kinney Kapers. Many times our feet slipped off the log causing some very painful situations. But that didn’t stop us. Neither did all of the rodents and reptiles down in that nasty creek. I can’t stand the outdoors now-lol. That’s one thing that me and [my friend] have both determined…..we’re not campers and we do not do the great outdoors--lol. But back then it didn’t bother me. It didn’t bother none of us. It was quite clear wild life was down there in the creek, but we had a mission. And I can’t remember ever turning around without accomplishing our mission.

Before I moved away I remember the log collapsing. No longer was it a bridge, but it had turned into a non-floating raft. You could indeed still walk across, but the challenge was gone. “E” doesn’t really remember the collapsed log, she only remembers the one that served as a bridge. She remembers the log that either you were up for the challenge and took your chances, or you weren’t. And I can almost put my life on it that we were the YOUNGEST FEMALES, if not the only females who took the challenge to cross that creek. We saw a better side with great opportunity and so we took our chances. Together. And even when we fell, ok I fell—lol, we got back up and tried again. But we had vision. We saw what we wanted and we went after it. And not once, and not twice……but we kept crossing it to get what we wanted.

This past weekend, “E’s” family had a cookout at her aunt and uncle’s house who still resides in the same house on “the other side”. Well, her uncle still does. Her aunt passed away a couple years ago. But after spending time with her family, “E” called me and said……. “Guess what I did today???” I was guessing everything but what it really was. I was like…..what, you went to church; what, you called so-and-so. Then finally she said…… “I went looking for the log.” After 30 years, “E” went looking for that darn log--lol. She told me that it is indeed gone. In fact, she said that there is a fence that blocks the apartment residents from crossing into the other side.

After we hung up, I started reminiscing and too thinking about all the life lessons that came out of crossing that log from faith to determination to persistence to preparation to facing our fears to teamwork to friendship to soooo many lessons. Then I thought about how disappointed I felt when “E” told me about the fence. I mean, is it really necessary. C’mon….Seat Pleasant is all one big hood now anyway. What are you really separating!! I mean, seriously—lol. But then I thought again and said to myself…… “oh, we would have climbed that fence.”

……..but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus. -- Philippians 3:13-14

With These Hands......

jillmarinamorris@hotmail.com (Jill) — Sun, 23 Aug 2009 02:09:00 +0000

Can I just say that I really hate going to the nail salon. Its just such an inconvenience to me. I really don’t know what the real reason for me not liking to go other than…….I don’t like to go.

So yesterday I forced myself to go and get my nails done cause I needed a fill-in some kinda bad. I’m not one of those acrylic nail girls with the bright colors and designs. Nope. I do a basic sheer neutral, with short-length square shape and rounded on the corners. To the average looker it would seem that I have long nails, but in actuality I have long fingers.

So I sat down with my regular nail technician and he did the usual before getting started….complimented me on my hands. He told me, “Jill you are still champion!!” “You have most beautiful hands out of all customers!!” “Just beautiful”. I smiled. In my head I was like yeah, yeah they probably tell all of their customers this. Then I thought, he probably just remember how well I tip so he’ll tell me anything to get my $25.

After he’d finished, and after I got a pedicure, I went to the back to sit under the nail dryer. A few minutes later a middle-aged Black woman sits across from me. She smiled but didn’t say anything. It was clear that we were both just trying to get dried so we could go on about our real duties. But just as we were both squirming in our seats, the nail technician came to the back and told the lady……. “This is Jill.” “This is the lady I always talk about hands.” I looked up like….huh. Then the lady perks up and says….. “Oh…so you’re Jill!!!” When the technician left the lady told me that all the technicians talk about my hands all the time. I was like “Shut-up!!” I couldn’t believe it. Cause to be honest I didn’t even know they knew my name. And out of all their many customers they remember my name and my hands. Wow. Here I thought dude was just trying to patronize me.

Over the years, I’ve heard it more than enough times that I should be a hand model. I have a girlfriend that tells me I’m missing my calling and that I should contact a modeling agency before I get any older. It goes in one ear and out the other. Granted, I’m not blind. I do realize that I have beautiful hands, but to be honest…..I’m not that vain. I mean, the Lord has blessed me with several standout features but I’m quite sure that what He blessed me with is for specific purposes to glorify Him and not for public display.

That reminds me of one time at my old church the congregation was standing and lifting our hands in corporate prayer and this lady sitting behind me tapped me on the shoulder and asked what color nail polish I had on. YES WHILE WE WERE PRAYING!!! I couldn’t believe it. It is for that very reason that I stopped wearing colored nail polish to church. And we ain’t even gonna talk about on the toes. If I must wear open toe shoes to church…..in which I try my absolute best not to….I most definitely am going with a neutral on the toes. I NEVER wear red polish on my toes anyway (a childhood issue that I won’t bring up in this entry), but I love the way orange shades look on my feet.

My family was brought up in a church where no open toe shoes were allowed and we had to wear stockings. If it was the summer and the temperature was hitting 100 degrees…then we wore knee-hi’s. But we had to cover our legs and we had to cover our feet. Though very old school traditions, those are traditions that I still hold firm to today. Me and my girlfriend had a conversation the other day because she asked if I wore sandals to work and I said….absolutely not. Nothing against anybody else, other than I can’t stand to see women wearing flip flops to the office, but for me…..I just don’t feel comfortable doing it. I mean, I gotta admit…..I don’t do the stockings thing. I even made it clear that I will be a bride that will not be wearing stockings on my wedding day and yes…..I do plan on getting married in the church. But its just something about stockings that do not agree with my legs. As soon as I put them on I get a run. So its best that me and stockings stay at a decent distance from on another--lol.

But I try my best to wear my feet covered--that is not wearing open toe shoes in certain places. Don't get me wrong...I'm a sandal wearer and LOVE to wear my feet out. But it’s just been over the last two years or so that I have worn open toe shoes to church. And its more that I feel a little comfortable wearing them because I see my first lady wearing them. But I keep it more reserved and not......bam, look at my feet!!! I’m understanding more and more that hands and feet can be very seductive and so I am very mindful of how I carry both.

Back to my hands. You know its just been in the last few months or so that I realize that my ministry is in my hands. Blogging does no justice at how I use my hands. Ok, I take that back cause obviously my little journaling is doing something cause the email replies that I’m getting are amazing. Just to think……I’m only talking about my little daily living. But other than blogging, I can write a mean proposal, design beautiful programs and booklets, and those who are fortunate enough to get my personal letters know that I can pull a tear or two out a reader. But I’m accepting that the Lord has put a powerful gift in my hands. And so I am being very conscious of how I use my hands.

You know what’s funny? Every now and again when the devil is mad at me cause he sees something good coming down the pike for me I find myself hurting my hands. It could be the most haphazard situation. For instance, I have a sore on the top of my hand that happened about a month ago. I was coming out of the elevator and tried to prevent the doors from closing cause someone was trying to catch it and my right hand got scratched. I had no idea that two weeks after I got the scratch my pastor would ask me to put together a proposal for him.

My eyes are opened now. Really opened. Cause I think of all the lustful things I’ve done with my hands---just being honest here---and how the devil just tried to destroy the tool in which the Lord put power in. Even going as far as to convince me that my hands should be displayed on a picture having no real use. My pastor was right. At the beginning of the year he told me that this year things will begin to be so much clearer for me. And I’m seeing clearer more and more every day.

Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands, just as we told you, so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody. --1 Thessalonians 4:10-12

From the fruit of his lips a man is filled with good things as surely as the work of his hands rewards him. --Proverbs 12:14

Parked in Neutral

jillmarinamorris@hotmail.com (Jill) — Sun, 16 Aug 2009 18:58:00 +0000

Wow. Wasn’t gonna speak about this topic because it is a very touchy one and one that is very personal. But over the last week I have been a part of several situations in which this topic has presented itself. It’s the topic of TRIANGULATION. You know…….when three people are involved in a situation and two of the people are at odds, and the third is left to flow whichever way the wind blows. Ok, let me clarify. The situations in which I’ve experienced this week is not at all about cattyness, just issues in which grown woman---or should I say godly woman---decisions had to be made and/or given.

Throughout my life I’ve been on all sides of triangulation. One of the most hurting sides of triangulation, in which just up until the last five years or so have tried to take me out, is the low end side. YESSSS, satan’s scheme was so strong that it tried to destroy me cause I wasn’t equipped enough to destroy him. Since I was a teen I was subjected to a family member who showed blatant favoritism over me to other cousins in the family. For years I tried to figure it out, often times reacting out of anger causing deeper tension in the family. And for years I blamed my cousins who actually had nothing to do with the situation. They were actually the neutral party.

Growing up I didn’t understand that. I just knew that whatever I did or said just would not measure up. And whatever they did was accepted with open arms. I was held accountable for "being me". Not realizing years later, after fully accepting who I am, being me became very instrumental in my life's accomplishments. But yes, it was very hurtful stuff. And yes…….unfortunately this demonic force even went well into my thirties. But it wasn’t until I figured out the power of God’s love and how His love teaches how to forgive that satan’s little plans had to cease. I remember the day that I released that family member and truly forgave in my heart. I haven’t had any problems since. Ok let me clarify…..satan’s little weapons no longer prospers against me. LOL-let me just make that clear.

But I’ve also been on the other side of triangulation. The side in which I was the favored. The high end of triangulation. Back in the nineties I was doing public relations for the entertainment industry and was making a name for myself producing good work. And so I was approached by the manager of a then up-and-coming R&B boy band to do some image development, branding, and publicity for the guys. The job seemed doable so I gladly hopped on board. Immediately, the guys took a liken to me. They were in their early twenties and I was a couple years older and so I not only acted as their publicist, but also their big sister. Me and the guys would go EVERYWHERE together. Just me and a bunch of guys. Many times we’d spend the night in the studio recording songs and they’d want my feedback and advice. I’ve always had a keen ear to music and so my advice, even to some of the areas top producers, was always taken seriously. On top of that, since I had my own little connections, I’d hook them up with private auditions going well outside of my PR duties.

Then one day the guys called me on 3-way and said that they came to a decision that I would be more suited to be their manager than……their manager. I clearly understood where they were coming from because working with them for over a year I witnessed some shabby business practices in which their manager had sole discretion over. The guys expressed their frustration and asked if I would take on the responsibility. Me having a very good rapport and relationship with their manager, I had no idea what to say and how to go about the transition. I too was still young. But I never forget that during that time was when Yolanda Adam’s song, Open My Heart, was out and so after I hung up with them I played that song over and over until I decided that yes I would do it.

When their manager received the news it was ugly. I didn’t know what to say, how to react, or how to proceed. But it was clear from the guys that if they didn’t make this move with me then they’d be moving on to another manager. I certainly didn’t want that. Cause we had all formed such a bond. And so it was very ugly. Here this guy developed these boys from young teens and now that they grew into their manhood they felt the need to flex their power. That’s how the entertainment business operates. And so that’s how we proceeded. Of course the friendship/business relationship I had with their former manager ceased. And of course I, being on the other side, felt really awkward. Cause he and I, though we didn’t always see eye-to-eye, we worked very well together. There was definitely a balance. But not even two years later, just before the guys were booked to perform in the Virgin Islands at the Jazz Fest, I received an opportunity to do PR for several Gospel artist and so I decided to give up artist management and follow my passion.

As I said, I’ve been on all sides of triangulation. Its been a really long time since I’ve been on the “choose me or them” side cause even now when situations like that occur I be the first to pull out. Cause really, it ain’t that serious. In the grand scheme of MY LIFE, I have the choice not no one else. But over the last few years the side that has become the most difficult is the neutral party side. Being the neutral party will ALWAYS question your loyalty and character.

Ok, I may get darts thrown at me for this one, but I feel the strong need to share in order to get my point across. Ok, so a few years back, I found out that one of my best girlfriends was seeing the same man as one of my “probationary” girlfriends. It was funny how it happened, but I put two and two together and realized that both girlfriends had been bragging to me about the same dude. When I found out I was actually having a phone conversation with my “probationary” girlfriend. I say probationary because she and I had been college buddies in undergrad and was trying to develop a friendship outside of the only thing we had in common. And so if you know me you know that friendship is a building process for me.

Anyway, so I was on the phone with my probationary girlfriend and she made mention of a situation in which my best girlfriend had mentioned to me prior. And so I started inquiring and sure enough it was the same dude. My probationary girlfriend was quite upset and so she immediately put “her boyfriend” on the 3-way and of course he denied any other relationship outside of her. He did, however, acknowledge that he knew my best girlfriend and assured her that there was absolutely no feelings involved (yeah, yeah).

I couldn’t hang up fast enough before I called my best girlfriend. And what I expected was clearly not what happened. As I was telling my girlfriend about the situation I heard a cold tone. To make a long story real short……..I was blamed for being a disloyal friend. Because my best girlfriend felt that since she and I had known each other for close to twenty-five years I should have………ok, it wasn’t clear what she felt I should have done. But bottomline, she questioned my loyalty. She felt that I should have cut off my friendship with the other. But then I thought about it. Both of these girls had been very instrumental in my life; nothing short of a blessing. I’ve laughed, cried, struggled, and triumphed with BOTH. And so I made the decision to stand firm in maintaining both as my friends. My probationary girlfriend understood wholeheartedly. In fact, she was very turned off by dude after that and so their relationship suffered. But my best girlfriend, for whatever reason, blamed me for dude’s game and so she decided to break our friendship. I was totally shocked……..but I knew I wasn’t the wrong one and so I shut the door behind her exit.

This week a few situations have come up where being the neutral party was placed in HIGH-TEST mode. These were situations involving siblings and their exes (deep breath). Ok, can I just say that…………ok, I really don’t know what the heck to say (lol). Ummm, relationships come and some relationships go. But I guess my question is…….just because a sibling is now handling an ex relationship/friendship with a long-handed spoon (in some case a darn shovel--lol) do the neutral parties have to be conformed to the changes???? I mean, over the years some of us have ridden the roller coaster more times than we cared to. And can I just say that a sistah is TIRED.

But aside from all the drama, I gotta say…..I love ALL of my siblings’ exes. YES…….ok wait let me think (lol)………YES I LOVE THEM ALL!!! In some way they have had an impact on my life that is not easily broken. Many of them just for giving me absolutely beautiful nieces and nephews. And so to me……..those exes will always be a part. No need to question. They come with the package. I mean, unless they have done something personally to ME, there is no reason to make a decision to cut the relationship. Ok, wait a minute….let me rephrase this……I mean, if they did something detrimental to me OR my sibling YES there will be problems--lol. Cause I ain’t got no problem confronting a situation if one of us is deeply hurting. But normal relationship crap……nope ain’t strong enough to break the bond. And I don’t feel the need to get involved.

Even when me and my sister was about to jump my sister’s ex while vacationing in California cause he broke bad with the both of us (this was YEARS ago--lol) we squashed our differences before we got on the plane. Cause God forbid the plane would have gone down on our wrath…umph. From that sister’s relationship alone, I still claim three brother-in-laws. (Deep breath) the things are heart make us do--lol.

Ok, but now the issue comes with the newbie. Hmmmmmmm. How in the world do we embrace the new while preserving the old?????? I mean, I’m fine with it. But why do we have to be put in the situation of feeling disloyal?????? You know what I’ve come to realize, and this ain’t pointing no fingers its just really knowing me and my loved ones true heart and motives, the insecurity 9 times out of 10 comes from the ex. A couple of days ago I was having a good conversation with my sister’s ex concerning my nephew. And my ex brother-in-law made some comments about my current brother-in-law that were uncalled for. And so, loving both dudes, I almost felt like I had a gag order in place for speaking my true feelings. Cause I didn’t want my ex brother-in-law to feel slighted.

But then I thought to myself……… “heck no!!!!” I will not allow their silent feud to gag me. It ain’t fair. It shows that I can’t be genuine and honest with a person that I call my brother. And aside from that.......anybody should have the right to express their true feelings in a relationship without worrying if the relationship would suffer. And so I said what I had to say, and although not immediately accepted, it really opened up a good dialog from there. We ended up talking for a good two hours after that. Even getting my crazy sister on the line to put in her little two cents.

But I guess my question is……..do we really have to choose one over the other????? Do we really have to forfeit one relationship in exchange for the other???? Prior to writing this entry I thought about this thing long and hard. I mean, I would be hurt if my husband’s family told me that they have decided to maintain all loyalty to my husband’s ex because that’s who was there first, and that’s who they’ve built the relationship with first. To be frank…..that to me is a relationship breaker. My profession is in marriage education and one of the biggest conflicts in a marriage is IN-LAWS. And knowing how I was unfavored growing up, the first thing I would think if my children went to my in-laws is.......are they being treated fairly. No one should have to feel this way with family. NO ONE. And it just really hurts my heart to know that children are forced to be victims to adults negativity.

Even typing this is hurting. I mean…….can’t we just all get along!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Seriously. It just goes back to who is really having the control in this. Is it the family or the ex or the newbie. If there is a true love and understanding between the ex and the family, then the ex has got to know that he/she will ALWAYS be loved (ESPECIALLY when children are involved) and that the family have enough room to love others as well. Regardless of the situation and how the newbie came to be. Embracing the newbie has nothing at all to do with the ex. It actually has nothing to do with the sibling. It really has to do with God placing people in your path for whatever reason. I would hate to get to heaven and the Lord says to me…….your sister’s boyfriend who you failed to embrace was sent by me to fulfill that missing link in your purpose in which you didn‘t complete on earth. It hurts me to think about this. We don’t know how God is going to use people in our lives. Or better yet.......how we are to be used in other people's lives.

One of my good associates is the ex girlfriend of a guy who I'd been talking to for years. Back then when I found out that he was dating her I was floored. But I ended up running into her on the metro and she knew of my family and so she approached me. She and I had a very nice conversation. Then I ran into her at a wedding and I discovered that she was a photographer. No, she and I do not speak to each other on a daily basis now, we will email each other every couple of years, but back when I was doing PR she did a few headshots for my guys. And it was only because I decided to pull my guards down that she and I developed a really good relationship. One of the gigs that she did for me turned into a lucrative deal for her. I have many of those, pulling my guards down to embrace God's plan stories. Ummmm..........my God-daughter.

Soooooooo……….its for this reason that I’ve decided to continue standing firm in neutral. All of this triangulation stuff has been a constant life lesson for me. And because of it I’m learning how to be a better sister, friend, and auntie to all of my nieces and nephews. I treat them ALL fairly. And when each are in my company they get that one-on-one treatment. That’s how my grandparents demonstrated their love to us. They have 17 grandchildren and they made it clear that they had enough love for each one of us. I stand firm on what they taught. I’m not blocking God’s flow for NOBODY’S insecurity. I refuse to block who and what God places in my path. I REFUSE. And I’m standing firm. And that goes for the old and the new.

Oh, I dare not end this entry without mentioning that my best girlfriend and I mended our differences. As I said, I was standing firm on neutral and will continue to stand firm. But she realized that some loser was not worth a lifelong friendship. It took a couple of years but we have rebuilt. Cause what God has ordained NOBODY can block. At least not if two of us are in agreement.

Give to everyone who asks of you. And from him who takes away your goods do not ask them back. And just as you want men to do to you, you also do to them likewise. “But if you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. And if you lend to those from whom you hope to receive back, what credit is that to you? For even sinners lend to sinners to receive as much back. But love your enemies, do good, and lend, hoping for nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High. For He is kind to the unthankful and evil. --Luke 6:30-35

In Memory of Eunice Kennedy Shriver

jillmarinamorris@hotmail.com (Jill) — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 16:58:00 +0000

I received word this morning that my former boss, the Honorable Eunice Kennedy Shriver, passed away. Wow. What an extraordinary woman.

I met Mrs. Shriver years ago when I was in undergrad studying public relations. A friend of a friend who knew somebody who was professionally connected to a person that worked in the HR department of the Kennedy Foundation was looking for an assistant for Mrs. Shriver. And just like God’s divine order and timing, I was asked if I’d be interested in the position. Its funny because Mrs. Shriver only needed somebody for 3 months to cover her Executive Assistant’s duties while she did some missions work in South Africa. But again, just like divine order…..God gave me favor. Cause I brought not only strong administrative skills to the table but I also knew how to handle the public. This was a plus working for Mrs. Shriver and so I started doing more than what the job called for.

When Mrs. Shriver’s assistant returned from her Africa trip she called to thank me for keeping order in the office, and then she said jokingly…… “I think you’re trying to steal my job.” That joke became a reality because a couple months after that I received a call from HR that Mrs. Shriver’s assistant had resigned and that Mrs. Shriver personally asked for me to take the position. That following Monday I reported downtown for duty.

Wow! I can’t even begin to tell all that I gained working for Mrs. Shriver. Even though I had already built a nice resume, I was young so I went in humbly. I knew that there was a lot to learn from the Kennedy matriarch, and I was so ready to receive. And receiving is what I did. Life lessons that have stuck with me to this day, I learned from working for Mrs. Shriver. Working for her is why to this day my daily prayer is that the Lord will put me at the right place, at the right time, doing the right thing, with the right people, for the right reason according to his perfect will for my life.

One of the first lessons that I learned from working at the Kennedy Foundation was the power of a name. My rolodex had people from Oprah to Dan Rather to Michael Jordan in it. It was nothing for me to call celebrities and say that I had Mrs. Shriver on the line and they’d take the call immediately. One time a friend of the Shrivers had called the office distraught because his daughter had received a rejection letter for admission to Georgetown University. Mrs. Shriver told the friend that she’d handle it. Actually, I handled it..... in her name. I called the Dean of Admissions and within hours---I said HOURS---an acceptance letter was faxed to the girl.

Another lesson that I learned from working for Mrs. Shriver was ain’t nobody trippin off of a diva attitude. I loved the fact that the Kennedy clan didn’t walk around like celebrities. Ted Kennedy would stop in during lunch to eat a half a sandwich and soup with his sister and then would go out and grab a taxi back to the hill. I loved when he stopped in cause most of the youngsters had no idea who he was. And he was so not phased by it. He’d wobble through and wave often times waiting for the receptionist to call me to come out and get him.

Maria [Shriver] the same way. She’d call and say…. “Jill I know you all are busy, but is mother available?” Sometimes as she would wait for her mom to get off of the phone we’d have a conversation. I’d never forget when Maria told me to make sure that I am absolutely ready to be married before taking the plunge. That conversation was way over my head back then, but I heard every word she said and took her advice to heart.

I always say that you can tell the difference between old money and new money cause new money feels the need to make it known. New money is very flashy and arrogant. The Kennedy’s fame and wealth is in their DNA. They don’t trip off of being well-known. In fact, Mrs. Shriver had me book all of her flights commercial in coach. And she insisted that she’d drive her own Cadillac to work, not needing a driver. She thought it a waste of money to hire one. Many times I’d have to send the mailroom guys down to the garage to help Mrs. Shriver bring up groceries for the office. Those would be the days she’d be a little late coming in.

Another lesson was the importance of family. I’m telling you……the Kennedys are the closest Caucasian family I know—lol. I thought Blacks and Latinas were co-dependent on family, but the Kennedys…..wow!! Most of the phone calls during the day would be from Mrs. Shriver’s children or nieces and nephews. They absolutely LOVED their mom and auntie. And grandmother……I thought my grandmother held the BEST GRANDMOTHER AWARD, but Mrs. Shriver gave my grarndmother some competition--lol. Mrs. Shriver took her motherly duties very serious.

My office was adjacent to Mrs. Shriver’s office and one day she buzzed my phone and told me that she had an emergency fax that needed to get out right away. I dropped everything I was doing and ran into her office. I just knew it had something to do with a project we were working on with Tom Brokaw, so I went running. But to my surprise she gave me this handwritten list that said…… “My Birthday Wish List”. She told me to fax it to all of her children immediately. Me and my crazy self looked at her and said…… “Mrs. Shriver this is your emergency!” She looked at me and said….. “Just do what I said Jill!” And I did. Cause she could be very, very feisty. I remember there were five items next to each of her five children’s names. And the first two items were……new patio furniture and a cashmere coat. I couldn’t believe it. But you’d better believe that she got everything she asked her children for on her wish list. Cause they'd die for their momma.

Another lesson is the importance of home. Ok, let me make this official. It was because of working for Mrs. Shriver that I took an interest in real estate and eventually got my license. When I came on board, the Shrivers were in transition because a couple months prior their home in the Potomac had caught fire and so they had to live temporarily at a home in Chevy Chase. A major part of my job was helping them transition back into their Potomac home. I’d coordinate and arrange with the interior decorator, the movers, the landscapers, etc. Daily we would get phone calls from realtors who were interested in selling either of the homes. And one day, I took it upon myself to inquire why there was such a big interest. I got the right realtor on the line and he broke it down to me. Unfortunately, they weren’t interested in selling but it helped me learn a few real estate techniques dealing with distinguished properties.

But Mrs. Shriver made sure that her homes were the center of life. There have been several media pieces done on the Shrivers and their Potomac home. One I remember was Mrs. Shriver, in her later years, playing soccer with her grandchildren on the front lawn. Yes, she had to be eighty years old when that article came out a couple of years ago. But she was kicking the ball in her nice manicured yard. And fresh flowers were delivered to the home on a weekly basis. And the home itself…….just impeccable. I remember having to make sure that the Safeway invoices were paid. No, no, no……the Shrivers didn’t have to go to the grocery store. Their housekeeper would call in the groceries and they’d be delivered from the Safeway up on Wisconsin Avenue. Talk about living. What I’d do to stay out that darn Giant!

Another lesson was the importance of being good to people. One day Mrs. Shriver had to catch an emergency flight out to see her sister. But it was the day that a 5th grade class had scheduled a field trip at the Kennedy Foundation as part of a history lesson. When they arrived they were so disappointed that Mrs. Shriver wasn’t there. And not so much because she was a former President’s sister, but more because she was Arnold Schwarzenegger’s mother-in-law--lol. But they were so disappointed. And other than taking them to see Sarge, Mrs. Shriver’s husband who is simply THE BEST, I needed to figure out how to make their trip worthwhile. So what I did was made each student a press kit with all kinds of pictures and stuff and told them that Mrs. Shriver was so distraught that she had to miss them that she wanted them to have something very special. A couple of weeks later, the teacher wrote me a letter thanking me for the kind gesture and said that it was the highlight of the trip. The funny thing is that I had to arrange for more press kits to be made since it wasn’t in the plan to give out 25 to children, but I felt I had to do what I had to do. Who knows….one of those children could be inspired enough to be our next president.

About a year or so into working for Mrs. Shriver I had to make a tough decision. I was in my senior year in undergrad and had to do a 30-hour a week internship. I had applied to several public relations firms, media outlets, and so forth. And with the help of Mrs. Shriver I could have interned just about anywhere in the is country that I wanted to. But there was an opportunity that came through that I just could not pass up. It was working in the PR department of the Recording Industry Association of America. On my last day working for Mrs. Shriver, she gave me her daughter’s, Maria Shriver, book and wrote something in there that would change my perspective about myself. She simply told me that I will succeed in anything that I choose to do in life because I have tenacity. To be honest, I didn’t know what tenacity meant until I asked around. Once I learned what it meant, I have held on to those words ever since.

There was one last thing, and probably the most important, that Mrs. Shriver taught me that has literally been the blueprint of my life is the power of one. The power of one making a difference in the life of another. The Shrivers have done a superb job of giving back to the community. What they’ve done with the Special Olympics and the Kennedy Foundation is remarkable. And it is because of seeing their efforts first hand that shifted my interest from public relations to public service. When I went back to school to get my Master’s I knew that I wanted to learn how to serve professionally. And so I called Mrs. Shriver to ask her advice. By this time she was frailing and had already suffered from a few ailments. But she told me to consider a Master’s in Public Administration. And so that’s what I did. In 2004, I earned my MPA with a concentration in Nonprofit Management.

I’m telling you having the right people in your life can make a major difference. If you ask the Lord to order your steps then you have to be confident enough to know that even the most seemingly difficult people will play a major part in your purpose on this earth. Every opportunity the Lord allows should be cherished and entered knowing that God orchestrated it. Working at the Kennedy Foundation played a major part in the woman I am today. And I thank Eunice Kennedy Shriver for believing in me and giving me a chance. She has definitely lived a full life and I believe that she has fulfilled her life’s purpose. Eunice Kennedy Shriver will always be remembered.

And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times; having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. --2 Corinthians 9:8

Vacation Needed

jillmarinamorris@hotmail.com (Jill) — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 16:47:00 +0000

Ok, I was not expecting to come back home from my family weekend getaway in Myrtle Beach to a heatwave. Bad enough I fell asleep on the beach and got sunburned. Even with the sun block I used religiously before stepping on the beach, my back and my face is torn up. Yes, my nose is now beginning to peel and wearing clothes just simply hurts. Now they talking about 100 degrees in the metropolitan area……….I’m so not ready for this. I thought about calling my boss and telling her that its just too darn hot to come to work, but I’m trying real hard not to make decisions from the bed. Soooooo……..

So I got myself up this morning after getting in rather late. As soon as we got to my sister’s house in Woodbridge last night to go our separate ways, I felt the strong need to clean out my car before I made it home. So I raided her cleaning closet and scrubbed down my seats and dashboard with Murphy’s Oil Soap, making sure all the candy, cookie, and popsicle wrappers left from my nieces were trashed. By the time I finished it was dark outside.

When I got home, I popped the trunk and got instantly depressed. My weekend bag, cosmetic bag, and purse turned into eight bags. At first I was gonna do the multiple trip thing up the three flights of stairs. But then I said the heck with this and grabbed my purse and cosmetic bag, and slammed the trunk.

Can I tell you….there is nothing like cleaning your house before you go away. Before I left I was so busy taking care of loose ends that I neglected the dust piling up on my dresser. But on last Tuesday night I halted everything and as I was getting in some QT over the phone, I put it down---dusted, vacuumed, cleaned mirrors, changed linen, washed clothes, emptied trash, and scrubbed the kitchen and bathroom floors. So last night when I walked in I felt instantly rejuvenated. The aromatherapy and air conditioner were on full blast. I literally dropped both bags in the middle of the floor, plugged up my cell phone, checked my messages, took a quick shower, and was in the bed sleep within 20 minutes. Seriously.

I woke up this morning feeling very Monday bluesy. A part of me had wished I’d played the mega millions at that rest stop right outside of Richmond. Just a million dollars would do, but to hit the hundred million……oh yes a sistah could do some things with that. I remembered passing the huge mega million ad on the interstate and thinking that if I played and won would my pastor accept a donation or allow me to pay my tithes off of my “ungodly” money. Yesterday, when I had the opportunity to play all kinda guilt kept running through my head so I decided that it wasn’t for me to play. But this morning…….I kinda wished I was a big winner. But then a part of me said…… “thank God for a job”. So I jumped up out the bed and faced my reality.

As soon as I walked in the living room and glimpsed at my bags sitting in the middle of the floor I started to go into an anxiety attack. At least that’s what it felt like---lol. I mean, I felt like I needed to unpack everything. Immediately. Then my bank account flashed in front of my face causing a reminder of all the money I spent over the last five days. And so I ran to the computer and turned it on. As the computer was booting up, I slipped on my sweatpants and ran downstairs to get the rest of the bags. Or at least what I could grab in one trip. By the time I made it to the top of the stairs I was huffing and puffing. I felt the need to do it though since this is the first Monday in a month that I didn’t do my early morning workout. So all kind of guilt was running through me. As soon as I got in and dumped my bags with the others I ran to the computer to discover my damage. But then I glanced at the clock and it was well past the time I needed to be in the shower. Then all of a sudden, I stopped in my tracks and said……….. “STOP!!!”

As soon as I stopped what I was stressing over, I felt an instant peace and resolve like never before. I simply got up from my desk, walked through the living room and passed all of my bags, got in the shower and threw on whatever my hand touched in the closet. I pulled my hair back in a bun, couldn’t put on any make-up cause MY FACE HURTS, and I grabbed my keys and purse, and was out the door.

On my way to work, my girlfriend “E” called stressing about a personal issue in which she needed my advice and to vent. Then when I got to work, another girlfriend called asking me to commit to an hour of intercessory prayer with her for the next 30 days for a 20 year old young lady who is suffering with intestinal cancer. I kept saying in the back of my mind…… “when do I have an hour to pray???” I mean, tonight I have to unpack and get myself mentally back into the hustle and bustle of life. Then this weekend is QT with another part of my life in which has been planned for the last month. On top of that, I haven’t been to church in over a week. Instantly, I felt the anxiety coming back on.

Then the Lord convicted me. I felt real selfish and all over the place. So what I’ve decided to do is forget the unpacking til further notice. It will get done…….when it gets done. I’m also not stressing over my finances. I went well over my monthly allowance, but its something that I rarely do and so…….SO WHAT! I refuse to feel guilty for living. I’m also taking my “Jill” time off of the clock. It’s bad enough that a good 50 hours of my week is governed by a clock, but to have my evenings and weekends on a clock becomes real selfish cause it feels like I never have enough time for me. As far as interceding for the young lady with cancer, YES I will intercede for her but will allow the Holy Spirit to guide me while I’m praying. Cause who knows…..it may be more than an hour.

Right now I just want to take a chill pill and move with the flow. Which reminds me of a dream I had last night. I dreamt that I was in the clearance section of Pottery Barn. Perhaps it was the outlet out in Leesburg. In any case, I saw this beautiful coffee table and I really wanted to buy it. In the dream I could see the color and texture of the table. I was really considering buying it. I couldn’t understand why the table was on clearance. But then I saw its flaw which seemed like a very easy fix.

As soon as I got in the office this morning, I immediately went to my dream dictionary to look up its meaning. And well, well……whataya know. Dreaming of worn furniture symbolizes outdated attitudes, and/or old ways of thinking. Dreaming of a table symbolizes family and social unity. But dreaming of a broken or wobbly table suggests some dissension in my family and/or social circle. I don’t know of any dissension with my loved ones, but maybe it’s that I need to spend more time with them. Even with this little weekender in Myrtle Beach with my family, I kept them on hold for an answer to go.

As I’m typing this entry I just received a text from my mother saying that there will be a family dinner on Friday to celebrate my little sister’s birthday and farewell back to college. Reading it I started to feel stressed because I had already mentally planned that on Friday I was washing all of my comforters at the laundry mat and preparing for my long weekend. Why in the world would yal impose on my weekend again!!! Maybe that’s the dissension. Umph. But as in the dream…..I looked at the table and thought to myself……. “oh that seems like an easy fix.” Sooooo……..what all of this says to me is that I need to spend more time on what matters then on trivial things like stressing over unpacking and balancing a checkbook and washing comforters. In fact, I came in and booked a tentative trip to St. Thomas. Cause I need a vacation EVERY month. But it’s definitely “tentative”. Cause I have to see if I can afford to take the time. Ugh.

Promises, Promises.....

jillmarinamorris@hotmail.com (Jill) — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 19:22:00 +0000

How in the world can several lessons come out of one little situation. Ok, it ain’t little. Really its not. It’s been building over a couple months and has taken on a snowball affect.

Last night I had a dream that me and a colleague were on an elevator and we pushed the 6th floor which was to go down, but instead of going down it went flying up. At full speed. This morning I was curious. Cause I’m a dreamer. Always have been. Usually I can interpret my dreams without a problem. But not only could I see myself in the dream last night, there were deep distinctive aspects of the dream that touched all of my senses. Like…..I could feel myself moving with the elevator. And I could feel myself pushing the number 6 button. I could hear myself speaking with my colleague. Very weird. So when I got in this morning, I took a little time to do some research about dream interpretations. Wait……I sure hope this ain’t no psychic stuff---lol. I ain’t into any deep cognitive mental Sigmund Freud dig-into-your-subconscious-beneath-the-earth’s-surface-in-the-universe type of stuff--lol. I just want clarity. That’s it. Anyway……..so this is what I found.

Ok, dreaming of an ascending elevator means, in addition to a rise in status and wealth, that one has risen to a higher level of consciousness and is looking at the world from an elevated viewpoint. Dreaming of a colleague signifies ambition, struggle, and competitive nature. Dreaming of the number 6 signifies cooperation, balance, tranquility, perfection, warmth, union, marriage, family, and love. Dreaming of the number 6 also means that one’s mental, emotional, and spiritual states are in harmony. It is also indicative of domestic bliss.

But this is where it gets weird. The colleague that was on the elevator with me in the dream, a 60 year old white male, has no work affiliation with me as far as our work is concerned. He manages one program, and I another. Our programs are so unrelated, and our offices are so far apart. The only time we see each other is when we make a conscious effort to discuss our only common link……..ART. So for him to be in my dream it had to have deep meaning. He and I both have a strong passion for the work of artist, Sam Gilliam. In fact, over the years dude has been very instrumental in teaching me the ropes of buying, selling, and collecting art.

A couple of years ago, my colleague guided me on purchasing my first Sam Gilliam piece. Ok, let me clarify this……..ummm, it wasn’t one of Sam Gilliam’s $20,000 pieces. My colleague has several of those. No, no, no….not me. I’m taking baby steps, so I had to purchase one of the little cheaper pieces. Nevertheless, Sam Gilliam is hanging over my sofa—lol. And I’m pretty proud of it. Anyway, so when I’m huddled in his office, it looks real weird and nobody understands it but us. Cause he and I have a connection that goes very deep. We can discuss art for hours.

In fact, when I came in this morning, right after turning on my computer, I decided to go around to his office to tell him about my dream. That was before I got the interpretation. But as soon as I got there he asked me if I wanted to go to an art gallery up in northwest tomorrow where Gilliam will be displaying one of his pieces. To a new person, it may have sounded as if he asked me on a date---then again NO IT WOULDN’T ;-). But he was so excited about the event that what I had to tell him about my dream was a…..whatever. After I got the interpretation, I sent my colleague an email, but of course he only focused on the wealth part. He’s already reached his highest status here, so he’s very much focused on creating more wealth—lol.

As I pondered on my dream’s interpretation I was amazed at the revelation. I could not believe it. Still can’t. And had I not done what I did, I don’t think I would have dreamed what I dreamt. Actually, I know I wouldn’t have. Cause now I’m at such a different place within mysef. I guess I am maturing—lol.

(Deep breath) Ok last month I slammed the door, yes SLAMMED the door, on a “loved one” basically because I refused to see past my wants, thoughts, and feelings. I can’t even make no excuses on this one other than I went into “Angry Black Woman” mode. Ok, let me correct it….. “Angry Single Black Woman” mode. Cause not only did I slam the door, I locked it and swallowed the key. I kept the pride, but I swallowed the darn key.

Last week, I realized that even though my actions felt good to the flesh---cause I bragged that I took one for the team---it just wouldn’t sit well in my Spirit. Cause for one, the Lord has really been dealing with me about covenants and friendships; sticking it out even when things are unfavorable. And two, cause the Lord has been showing me how to TRULY love. I mean, how can I say that I love somebody and not be patient and kind. Love seeketh not her own, but I was truly looking at me, myself, and I. I’m learning that I have to take a stand on my promises even when the other side seems unclear. Cause if indeed the other is wrong, their actions and decisions will pay for itself. In the meantime, I've got to stay consistent on the Word of God.

Sooooo…….with the counsel of my oldest sister, thank God for a sister who’s been there/done that, I made an abnormal move. But the funny thing is that as I was making my move, my “loved one” was making one too which reflected my pride coming down. Cause it takes a real humble being to knock again after the door has been slammed---lol. This action made me see a totally different person.

Obviously, I ain’t given up too much here---lol, but can I just say that the last couple of days have been sooooo wonderful and freeing and peaceful. Seriously, I can’t tell you what will happen with this situation next year, or tomorrow for that matter, but what I can say is that God is fully in control of this vehicle and I’m allowing Him to drive.

“And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses. But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses.” --Mark 11:25-26